Turkey Willys and A Beautiful Plate......

Ok.......... So, there I was crimbo morning with a huge fresh turkey infront of me..... sitting him gently into the roasting dish..... when my Sam walks into the kitchen..... just as Im shoving me hand up the turkeys bum to retrieve the bag of livers and the neck from its cavity :).......

Oh Mum thats well gross...... as I plop the livers onto a plate ready for Janet and Mabel me chickens to have for crimbo breakfast..... they leave these bits in so that one can made a good stock etc, but I dont bother with that, the cats usually get the goodies of the cavity lol.....

Sams face was a picture as I pulled out the turkey neck..... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT he says..... oh, its the turkeys willy I say...... oh shut up mum, it so aint..... yes it is I say as I hold it and wobble it in front of him...... MUM that so aint..... tiz...... taint..... tis...... taint...... so I put it nearer his face and he ran off into the other room with me chasing him, well hobbling after him in fast pursuit LOL...... he was screaming like a girl for his brothers to help....

Jebus, I heard him exclaim to his 3 brothers, you should see the size of that turkeys willy that mum has just pulled out of its bum........ oh my goodness, I was creased up laffing........

So then all 4 of me lads come out into the kitchen to have a butchers at the giant turkey willy...... all 4 actually believing that is WAS indeed a turkey willy lol....... then my Ben says to Sam...... I bet you wish you was as well endowled as that there turkey LOL......... giggles...... ya see, in this house willys and bums and bits and bobs aint never been taboo..... and things are talked about openly lol...... but a discussion on crimbo morning about the size of the dead turkeys willy was just to funny......



Sam posing with the 'willy' lol.... maybe thinking, one day when he is grown his appendage will also be as big...

I never did come clean as to what the turkey willy really was....... they still dont realise ITS THE NECK lmfao........ oh how wonderful it is to still to be able to pull the wool over their eyes, at their ages LOL


I have many many big antique oval platters that I use for roasts...... some of me huge plates are a 100 years old....... and like everything in this house, they are used, they are not just there for display and believe it or not I put me antique plates in the dishwasher as I do me antique jugs that we use on a daily basis..... me maties are horrified that I shove them in the dishwasher but ya have to be hardy to live in this mad house.....

Anyways, last year I fell in love with this GINOROUS oval plate by PortMerion crimbo collection...... its 23 inches x 15 inches, thats HUGE..... it was £75 quid which is like $150 to a doodle..... but it was in the pre-crimbo sale for only £30 ($60) and I so couldnt warrent spending even that amount of money on something that was not honestly NEEDED lol...... I was in this certain shop over an hour and I wandered back to this dish about 5 times, it just kept dragging me back and screaming at me to buy the dam thing...... and just as I was walking out the shop door, I thought, sod it, and I turned around and went back and picked it up and bought it..... I sat it on the passenger seat and then tried to convince meself that I was a right proper twit for falling for the cries of a plate LOL...... when we got home, thats me and the plate lol I unwrapped it and sat it on the kitchen cupboard where I could hear the shouts (in me head) of the antique plates, they was shouting at me from me welsh dresser LOL.... 'what about us' 'dont you love us no more' and 'who is that stranger'....... :)

So last year AND this year the PortMerion Crimbo collection plate was our Christmas Dinner Plate........ and gawd, how much do I LOVE this plate....... daft I know, there are not many material things in life that I love, BUT this is one of them lol.....



Here is it Naked :)

Aint it just so beautiful..... its also microwave safe LMFAO..... can you imagine what size microwave one would have to have to fit that plate into it LOL



Here it is dressed for dinner in all its finery lol



And here it is looking like its had a rough night on the tiles (english expression) like some cheap slapper after a quickie behind the lion statues down in the Guildhall Square LOL

I loves this plate, almost as much as I LOVED the larry lobster bowl.....I think Portie and me RIP larry bowl would of become good maties lol...... and Jebus help anyone that smashes, chips or scratches it...... you have been warned.......

Way to much Twaddling rubbish for a dark Saturday evening.....

x

Ungrateful Sprog...... HAPPY CRIMBO....

(The front of me tiny little house)

Ok, first of all I want to wish you all a very HAPPY CRIMBO.... thats to all of the maties and blobbers that have posted on Twaddle since I started in Febuary...... and also a HAPPY CRIMBO to all those hundreds of blurkers that lurk in the shadows and dont post...... you should of posted and left a few words, I dont bite ya know..... over 21,000 visits since I started....... ya must all be lunatics thats all I can say to even wanna read the rubbish I post..... its just Twaddle ya know, but honest truthful twaddle.....



(Me little lounge in me tiny little house)

So I wanna fank you all for bovvering to have a butchers over here...... Im not sure if I will be back after crimbo even though I have hundreds of stories to tell ..... Ive got many decisions to make in life in the next few weeks..... but we will have to see how it all pans out.....

Anyways.......enough of all that mushie bollocks.....

How ungrateful is Sprite.......

I bought her a special hat when I was in town with my Jacob doing our one day of Crimbo shopping....... she was NOT impressed.......



I mean, Sprite LOVES Janet me chicken and I saw this hat and I laffed so very much.... BUT LOOK AT HER DISGUSTED LOOK ON HER LITTLE FACE.......

Ungrateful little cow LMFAO.......


Please all have a safe and jolly Crimbo...... love the ones you are with and love the ones you wish were there with you.... cos ya never know when it is all gonna disappear...... may your Crimbo holidays be filled with love and laughter and special people...... mine, believe it or not will be real quiet.... wish some of your were here with me lol....... but most of all..... I wish I was in Maine.....



(See Father Christmas IS real, even if he is wearing my Jacobs socks and sounds like Jacob and is thin like Jacob ....... this is my special gift..... this boy is my main reason for living)

Much love to you all....... be safe...... and enjoy.......OXO

OK, way to much mushie Twaddle for Crimbo Eve.... PEACE OUT...

x

Winter Wonderland - Alright, A Wet Damp Tuesday In December.....

Ok....... so, its been a few weeks....... I wish I could spill the beans but I cant, I think I already say to much on Twaddle as it is...... I'll just say that life aint fair no matter how good a person one is.... that, is just a fact of life..... at least I still have all me teeth, just........

Anyways...... this post will bore ya to death, thats if anyone still pops over here to have a butchers.....

Sorta Rude Content... in a funny way :)

So please enjoy this christmas song that someone send me the guitar cords to LOL...... I so had to smile, it so made me chuckle.... hoping it works... (if you click on the below music score, it will enlarge and become animated) LMFAO....



I aint one to get dragged along with all the crimbo madness, all the rushing around all the frantic buying and lists and high blood pressure making of crimbo..... its just not me....... me maties say Im to bloody laid back, as I watch them frantically rushing around and moaning about crowds and money and food and buying trolley upon trolley loads of crimbo bits and bobs......lunatics all of em lol

Well, let me explain...... I say sod all that.... thats not the crimbo spirit..... thats not what its all about....... I do suss and sort out all me minded nippers at the beginning of December and with 13 to try and suss out special 'little' gifts with each one in mind sometimes takes a few days..... and I also have to make sure that any gifts that I send to doodleland maties get posted off so that they arrive in time for crimbo..... I just have this thing that they MUST get there before crimbo..... so that also was done and dusted - I choose gifts or make things from the heart with people in mind and what I think they would love or suit them..... each item is picked with smiles and love and special thoughts of that person in mind..... and each is wrapped with love and care.....

I love choosing gifts for friends, and I buy things thoughout the year when I see something that grabs me with someones name on it...... I dont buy for any friends here except one.... and thats me nut nurse Wendy.... she also is the only person besides me boys that buys me a gift...... so I really cherish her little gift and I open it on christmas evening when everyone has gone to bed..... its my special gift..... I mean, me lads buy me special things, but my gift from Wendy is different, and I lovingly open it on me own and I always shed a tear lol....

I am a giver not a receiver.... and thats ok....

So if you received a gift from me, please know that it was choosen with just you in mind and it comes wrapped with love and friendship.......and if I had everyones address I would send you cards and little special things...... but alas I dont have everyones addresses.....

Ya know I often mention me matie Sharon, well she besides me matie Wendy is probably me bestest matie, we bounce off each other and understand each others sick sense of humour and we can laff as just the most childish and stupidest things....yet in most other ways we are complete opposites ... but even though she is me bestest matie, there are so many things that I keep close to me chest and I aint never shared with her..... and even things that have happened over the past fortnight I cant bring meself to share......

So I carry much stuff alone... and that to is ok...... someday maybe I too will have a special person in me life to share with......someone that deeply cares about me....

Cripes, see how me mind wanders....gawds sake........

So I did Thursday at GunWharf choosing little bits for crimbo for me lads, and yes they still all have a stocking with bits and bobs..... I hang mine each year on the end of me old bed and I fill it meself with bits lol..... one day maybe that special person I talk off will fill it for me LOL - so me crimbo shopping was done in one morning with Jacob Sprite and Jon in tow...... and then yesterday I did a grocery shop, and had to smile at all the mental lunatic shoppers rushing around.... as we, me, sprite and jon just ambled down the stacked high aisles..... so...... all done and dusted in 2 trips........ thats crimbo sorted.......

Anyways, on Tuesday me matie Sharon suggested me go to Keydell Nursery and go take the little nippers to see the displays there, they have this HUGE HUGE barn just filled with crimbo stuff....... much of it well tackie and rubbish and lots of it animated...... so the kids love it AND they have real donkeys outside..... so thats a bonus.....

All I really wanted was some red and white winter flowering polys for me poo buckets out the front, AND we forgot to buy them what with the fun of the morning....



Thats right Sprite and Charlie.... pet the donkey..... the sign says do not climb on the fence or climb into the pen :)



I mean, there was no one looking right, and signs are sometimes meant to be ignored right?



Quick, hurry Sharon, the blokes coming........ this was the third attempt to get Charlie on the dam donkey.....

So after being 'told off' by a man that I dont think had anything to do with the donkeys or the nursery we went inside to the Wonderland to look at all the lights and ornaments and tackie rubbish for sale lol



See all that tack? lol Im more a 'real' person meself, I love 'real' things, wooden ornament or glass real twig rings and real trees.... BUT, each to their own...... my fireplace is done up with natural garlands with cinnamon sticks and orange slices entwinded and little homemade gingerbread men tied on, as is the garland up the stairs...... me maties laff, cos they go the tackie route lol, but, as I say, each to their own...... me and me maties are like chalk and cheese......

We come across this HUGE display of stuffed toys..... ya know, supposidely crimbo ones, penguins and seals and polar bears..... so we thought we would liven up the display a little..... and we stuck Charlie in the middle so as to pretend to be taking a crimbo photo...... which then started other mothers and grandparents to stand their offspring in the gap we had cleared.......

IF ONLY they will realise when they look at their photos with family or have them framed for family members, what shanigans we had got up to with the display....... LOOK at the polar bears in the display behind Charlie LMFAO....... jebus we giggled like silly school girls.....



Spot the humping polar bears lol........smile Charlie, cos we are laffing our silly socks off....

After a nursery worker came out to see what all the ruskus was about we quickly headed to the other part of the barn that houses all those little electric light up snow scenes and snow covered houses, and there was this ginormous display set up like a whole town with a railway going all the way around the outside.... well 2 railways to be exact..... with a little train going one way on one track and a big train going the other way on the other track..... oh Charlie just loved it...... as the trains approached each other it looked like there was going be in a head on crash, but of course they was on different tracks :)...

Well that is until we decided to see what would happen if we took one train off its track and placed it facing the other train on ITS track...... not knowing nuffin about train sets and how they work LOL what dinlos LMFAO.... I looked around to make sure no one was watching and reached over the barrier and lifted one train off its track and as the other train was pounding towards us on the other track I TRIED to place the lifted train onto the same track as the on coming train, so that we could have a right proper head on crash....... :) - BUT how was I/We to know that just cos the train was heading in the opposite direction on the first track, when you put another on the same track as the first one, it would go in the SAME direction as the train was going, NOT in the opposite direction..........

So, there I was, train in hand reaching over and placing it on the track with the oncoming train hurlting towards me..... when BAM I put the train on the track only for it to buckle backwards and fizzle with electric as it tried to turn its motors the wrong way LMFAO........ goodness, it gave me such a start that I instinctively pulled my hand back as a surge of electricity shot up me arm LMFAO....Im sure me hair is still frizzled.... by now Sharon was almost on the floor laffing..... Sharon, I DONT fink its funny, I could of died ya know....



Thats my hand after being zapped with electric..... see the other derailed carriages LOL

I jolted so hard that I knocked me glasses off me nose and they fell over the barrier...... we had to lift Charlie over the barrier in the dim light to look for me glasses..... which he eventually found MINUS one lense LOL........... oh my...... we found the lense on the railway track almost infront of the 8.15 to Waterloo LMFAO........ on the way home we had to stop in the opticians so he would put the lense back in and replace a lost tiny screw lol

I should sue that nursery for giving mE an electric shock and for breaking me glasses lol at least they should have signs up saying 'PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THE TRAINS' or 'PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO DERAIL THE TRAINS' I mean, after all, they had signs about not sitting on the Donkeys ;)

OK..... if anyone is here and you have read down this far, then please take a chuftie badge from the crimbo sack :)

Enuff Twaddle for a damp cold miserable Saturday, even though me house smells of delicous mince pies baking in the oven.......

HAPPY CRIMBO MATIES...... may yours be filled with love and laughter and special people, if not in person then in your hearts........ my heart is overflowing with people that I wish were here with me/us...... maybe oneday aye?.......

ps....... ya know trouble follows me.... well go over to Dingleberries(in me side bar) and see how I caused a major bomb scare and was not only in the paper but on doodle local telly LMFAO....... I didnt do nuffin ya honour, honest :) (ya will ave to scroll back to Tuesdays postings) .....

x

What With The Price Of Parsnips - I Need To Button Up Me Cardigan....

OXO

Bloody Jobsworth - Gone But Not Forgotten..... Its A Sign...

Ok..........I aint been getting out and about to much of late, and Ive become a little bit of a hermit since the summer.... does that make me crabby lol..... (as in hermit crab).....lol

But last week on the Monday before all the poop hit the fan with me knee, me matie begged me to go out with her to Makro...... well in my car lol...... Makro is a HUGE shop about 14 miles away, down the dead badger lanes...... its what I think me doodle maties would call a wholesale shop place...they sell EVERYTHING.... ya have to have a trade card, of which I have 2 :) - you dont have to buy anything in bulk there, and we love to have a wander around and usually do lunch there in the cafe place..... once or twice we have taken 9 under fives with us lol.... and yes we still had lunch in the cafe, we just get out their pack lunches and they sit at the tables whilst we queue and treat ourselves to lunch... the kids have always been commented on as to their wonderful behaviour..... 9 under fives all as good as gold, some ask how we do it :)...... they just KNOW the rules LOL

Anyways...... me matie Sharon wanted to go to Makro cos they would have all the crimbo stuff in and we so have such a laff when we go shopping together and I so needed a good laff.....

So, we only had Sprite, Rhys, Cerys, Charlie (remember we lost him in a garden centre back in the spring lol) and just Jack..... so it was to be a doddle......

This place only has but a handful of shopping trolleys that have kiddy seats in them, so ya have to hunt the carpark trolley place for them....... but oh no, could we find any...... so we go into the entrance part where ya sign in to enquire as to where we could find some, when I spy 2, yes 2 bloody shoppers just going into the shop with kiddy trolleys....... BUT WITHOUT ANY KIDDIES in them...... RED FLAG RED FLAG lol......

So, I says, excuse me you seem to have left something in the carpark..... to these people that were obviously together (sort of oldish, probably late 50s).... puzzled look on their faces...... so I repeat..... you seem to of left something in the carpark...... no, not us, they say..... but you must of...... I says....... still puzzled looks..... ok, I says, did you have kids with you this morning?...... errr no, the bloke says....... were you going to buy some kids whilst in the shop I says?...... puzzled looks with a dont be daft woman expression on their faces...... ok, I says...... kiddy trolleys with the seats are few and far between and you seem to have the only two trolleys with seats yet you have no children with you?....... OH the bloke says...... Sharon is shaking her head and glaring at me..... lol...... We couldnt be bothered to walk to the trolley park and these were near the door...... well, would you mind awfully if I went and got 2 other trolleys for you, so that we WITH KIDS could use the trolleys MEANT FOR KIDS.... sweet smile :)..... the woman said.... but the seats are handy to put me handbag in...... LMFAO..... no no no no...... with that Sharon cups her hands around her mouth and says loudly...... SECURITY SECURITY TO THE FRONT DOOR PLEASE, TROLLEY THIEVES IN ACTION..... oh my goodness, the look on this womans face lmfao...... the Security bloke did come rushing over LOL and the people eventually swapped trolleys.......

I will say, this is NOT the first time I have had to use this approach... I almost have the script off pat with the trolley stealiers in Makro...lol

Goodness what a start, and it was only the tip of the iceberg that morning ... oh why oh why cant I just shop like normal people, how come there is ALWAYS something lol

Ok, whilst I was in the states at Sharkies on holiday, I fell in love with a lobster called Larry..... read here and even though I couldnt save Larry... RIP.... I bought meself a T-Shirt in his honour...... its way to big but I just loved it and I wear it usually when Im minding :).... and I had it on during our trip to Makro...



Here is me T-shirt.... Sharon was suppose to take a photo of me in it but just took the picture of the front LOL

So picture it..... :) me in me Larry T-shirt looking around the fish section of Makro when I hear...... Oh My Giddy Aunt Mel... I dont believe it, just come and look at these....... its one of your signs.... so I walk over to where me matie is pointing in one of the freezers and I spy this....



How sad :( - these lobsters were from Maine, where I was in the summer, where Larry had lived and died, these lobsters could of been Larrys family...... this I explained to Sharon, she just rolled her eyes.... she just didnt understand the trama of Sharkie not being able to save larry from his hot bath.....

So I took the photo, cos it was a sign, there I was in me lobster T-shirt from Maine and there before me was a freezer full 'ON SPECIAL OFFER' larry relatives...

Well, with that, I heard 'excuse me madam'?..... me continuing to take photos of the lobsters.....then, 'oye you with the lobster shirt'...... Sharon giggling, I look up to see this shop man walking towards me...... you cant take photos in here he says...... but thats larrys family I say, you dont understand...... Im doing this for larry..... Sharon giggling....... well, I have no idea what your on about, he says, but you cant take photos in here for security reasons....... me now laffing...... but you DONT understand..... thats larrys family....... I aint no spy, I aint no security risk, have a heart mate... they are special lobsters........ he must of been a right dinlo cos he says..... yep they are on special offer.... but you still cant take photos in here....... and if you continue, you will be asked to leave the shop LMFAO....... oh my goodness, we could be evicted at our ages LMFAO...... so, I just smile sweetly and mumble...... you dont understand, I loved larry and we wander off down the freezer aisle in search of prawns LOL......

Well so, an hour into our trek around this huge shop, we take the nippers to the crimbo aisle to have a look at the toys and the lights and decorations....... ya know, it was their trip out to LOL....

Ya know those toys, usually bears or whatever, that ya squeeze a little button on their hand and they sing and dance and play awful crimbo tunes...... well, there was a very large display of those and Sprite LOVES em.....I squeezed the hand on one bear and sprite was giggling and just so loved it.... but oh no, Sharon was not happy with that, she needed to test them ALL and to make sure they all worked..... even though we had no intention of buying one.......



This is Sharon making the bears dance LOL we decided to see how many bears we would make work before the first one stopped playing its tune and stopped dancing lol..... goodness, how childish, we was so giggling...... until...... thats right....... Jobsworth came around the corner to see what the noise was LOL....... NOT YOU TWO AGAIN was his opening line.......

He asked us, everso nicely to go to the checkout and purchase what we had in our trolley and LEAVE THE SHOP lmfao............

Some people just have no christmas spirit....... bloody jobworth....... least they didnt take me membership card :) - so we can do it all again next week LOL

Ok, enough boring Twaddle for a wet windy Wednesday.......

x

Woman Can Be Sooooo Fickle - Get Use To It Boys....

Ok......... I cant believe its been a week since last I posted, I didnt even get onto the computer between Monday and Friday........ what a bloody week....... had 6 hospital visits...... one to see me consultant, one to have a drain put in me knee, 3to have me knee drained and one to have the drain removed........ so what with that and trying to still work, and the pain, it left me completely exhausted..... hence no blobbing and not flitting around your blobs...... so Im sorry, Ive missed ya.....

Anyways, enough of that bollocks.....

Now that the weather here in jolly old england is crap, me after school minded nippers cant really get out in me little garden....... its just to wet and muddy and cold...and gets dark real early... well the colds ok but the wet and mud aint so great....... so we spend most of the after school day doing drawing or baking or puzzles or slouching in front of the telly......

This is their second home, and I would like to think they know that...... we have set rules and guidelines and generally they stick to them....... cos they DONT wanna make Mel cross :)......... I only have to up the volume of me voice one notch and they know they are up to the limit of me tolerance :).......

So..... this week, what with being down the hospital so much and just back in time for school pick up they know that Mels tired and not to ruffle her feathers lol...... a lot of drawing and craft stuff has been in full force this week..... I dont have a big house and I dont have a seperate playroom in this tiny cottage, so this middle room (which use to be a dinning room lol) is now a playroom and computer room and a mong out room........ There is a low table for the nippers to draw on or do playdoh etc........ if you saw the amount of toys and stuff in this room you would die LOL - I WOULD SO LOVE ME HOUSE BACK...... but alas, I have no knight in shining armour tying his horse up out the front, so I have to continue to earn a crust meself and continue in a job I know Im good at, even though its NOT what I really would like to do with me life....... sigh lol

But this week, one of me minded kids SO made me smile.......



This is me regular before and after school mob, plus I have other younger ones during the day when most of this mob are at school and I have usually add-ons of different other kids on different days, but this is me regular mainstay mob :)..... ugly looking bunch aint they...... so you can see, its almost impossible to have time off work cos I would be letting to many parents down...... anyways.......

I have to make sure that, especially after school this mob have enough to do to occupy their minds and to keep them amused..... they dont always like to mong out infront of the telly........

So after drinks and biscuits or hot buttered toast or hot crumpets, we get the stuff out, they love making cards, there is always a birthday or whatever coming up and we make homemade cards for them to give........

Did I say, I WANT ME HOUSE BACK lol.......



Now the culprit of the below tale is the young girl in the middle of the picture...... she has just turned 6 and Ive had her for 2 1/2 years, she is an only child and bright as a button, except at home, she rules the roost :) BUT NOT in my house she dont, she LOVES the boundaries I set and I NEVER get any hassle from her, like she gives at home..... I love this overstrung, stubborn little miss :)..... and sitting to the left of her is Jon, Jon is Sprite's brother and he is just 5 and has just started school, Ive had Jon for 3 years now and Sprite since she was just 6 or so weeks old..... and on the right of K is R, he to is an only child and he RULES THE ROOST big time in his house, a couple of times it has tried to spill over here with the other children..... yeah like Im gonna let that happen....... cripes, dont I sound like a hard bitch LOL......

Yeah see, K and R aint allowed to have playdoh or felt pens or bake at home, I dont know if its cos they are only kids, but I know both sets of parents DONT like the mess, that is why its nice that they get the chance to do many things here, that they otherwise wouldnt experience, just simple things, like when its pancake day and they get to make and toss pancakes, and I dont care that they end up on the floor lol..... thats just all part of being a kid.......and if I can clear up after me chickens I can sure as hell clear up the mess after kids...

Anyways......... after a busy hour of card making, and biscuit munching and drink sipping lol they eventually all monged out in front of the telly, and I cleared up the mess........

When I found THIS....



This was Ks, I so smiled when I saw this........ so I says to her.......

Me - Hey K, who is the card for...

K - Well it was for Jon, but he told me he didnt love me so now its for my mum, cos
he dont want it...

Me - But wouldnt it of been nice to have made your mum one of her own...

K - Well that is hers...

Me - But it has Jons name on it just crossed out with 'mum' written on instead...

K - Yeah, well I couldnt be bothered to drawn another one...

Me - Whys that, cos you know we have loads of different paper its not like we dont
have enough paper to use...

K - Well, me mum will probably just put it in the recycle bin anyways...

Me - Nah she wont K, she will keep it forever, even though its a second hand one

K - I can cross 'mum' out if you like and write 'Mel' if you want it...........

LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......

Girls can be sooooooooo fickle......... Boys, ya just better get use to it.......

Ok, enough knackered twaddle for a dark Saturday evening.......

x