Blood Bones Guts And Funny Surgeons.... Part III (Oh Hush GoFigure)

Ok........ tiz been a while, I know, but have sorta kept meself to meself of late, just trying to do things right, now thats a first for me lol

Before I show ya the blood and guts post, I'll quickly say whats been going on this past couple of weeks....

I had me consultant a week and a half ago, I had to go to the other hospital in town, what a cock up that was with hospital transport again lol, they had to fork out the cost of a taxi there and back for me cos they cocked up.... suited me just fine fanks very much lol

Anyways, I had 4-5 Xrays, only to discover that the 4 inch break in me femur as yet even after 6 weeks has not knitted together as it should of.... I have been non weighbearing as much as possible over the past 6 weeks, but just sometimes its been impossible..... anyways, me consultant was a little concerned, the break though had not got any bigger it had just not knitted, and the hole where they took the acl/pcl reconstruction screws out was also gapping like a toothless old hag.....

So, MrD me consultant gave me options.....

1. Further surgery to have a plate and little screws placed over the break and gapping hole in me femur.....

2. No weightbearing for a further 6 weeks, but be admitted to hospital to immobilise me leg so the break cant move but have the physios come in to keep the robot knee joint moving so it dont scar over like last years one and stop bending....

3. Start partial weighbearing and work up to full weightbearing under strict physio at the hospital 3-4 times a week, and hope that the way the new knee joint is in place, the weight of the joint is dispersed right across the femur spreading out the force of weight and hope that cos of that, the break in the femur wont continue to split up me femur, and see what happens.....SEE WHAT BLOODY HAPPENS lol......

The first 2 options are not an option for me, as the 14 inch wound scar is now fairly clean and healing nicely and the infection is very minor still, to open me up again and fiddle around, well, nope..... I aint doing that....

The second option aint happening either, I cant not be here for 6 weeks as much as I actually could do with the rest LOL....

So...... after much discussion I/we have plumped for option 3.... I do not know who is more scared and worried, me or nick me physio lol.......if we get this wrong or I fall then Im buggered cos the femur will crack right up to me bum...... so you can imagine how careful I am being, and 4 trips to the hospital physio gym this week have been like a trip to hell LOL.... a week and a bit on and things seem to be going ok.... very painful, but no falls, Im still on crutches but trying to use them mainly for balance.......but Im wicked on them now.... I did nearly come a cropper yesterday though, but the least said about that the better LOL suffice to say I have a graze about 5 inches down the side of me face and the wall in the kitchen is sporting bits of my skin LOL

Im great in meself though, and very positive...... just dam bloody bored LOL.... its ok having time off work when one is normal and with dosh in ones pocket, but Im neither so its a tad frustrating.... hence why Ive been a little quiet, mainly cos after the hospital trips and what with trying to deal with me solicitor, its left me knackered.....

Anyways enough of all that bollocks.... I need to get this last part down on paper as a record of events, so one day me lads might realise some of the horrendous things Ive been through lol......... they refuse to look at the photos, said they dont wanna see, cos it makes them feel sick LOL

So, after a night tossing and turning and getting hardly any sleep, I awoke with the sound of the tea trolley doing its early morning rounds....... no tea for me, today was the day..... please lordie dont let me be like last years operation, please give me a break and let things be good.....

Me consultant did his rounds about 8ish... this is MrC the one that took pity on me and added me to his list lol..... he introduced himself, and shook my hand with the words...'you are quite a celebrity, fanks to nurse Lisa and MrN, after hearing from them both, Im very pleased to have you on my list for today, it will be about teatime, but Im told you havent eaten or drunk properly for days, so Im making an exception, you are allowed to drink water throughout the day, we cant have to dehyradated before we even start, but just water, nuffin else - Ive studied your notes from MrD and realise we face a few problems cos of the acl/pcl reconstruction a few years ago, but you my dear are going to have to put your trust in me and let me do the best I can for you in whatever circumstances that might arise.... any questions Mel'?....

ok, I says, just a couple....I know I will be having the spinal block right? and last year I also had a bit of sedation which was like a nice drunk feeling, so I was awake but not really truely with it right? well this year, I do NOT want any sedation whatsoever, just the spinal, I want to be fully awake cos last year I think it might of been a reaction to the sedation what made me really poorly the first few days after surgery, and thats when things started to go to pot - well he says, its not very pleasant not to have some sedation, you will be fully aware of every word spoken and even though you will not feel any pain you will feel the hammering and drilling and your body moving as we bang and drill etc.... but I NEED to hear whats going on, and I so dont wanna be poorly like last time..... ok, he said, its your shot, but if you feel its all to much then let us know and we will sedate you.... you will be the first that will of only had the spinal, you are crazy LOL......

Anything else, he asks...... yes, can I take me camera into theatre and could one of the theatre staff take photos for me, please........ well he says that also is a first, well, I says, last year MrD let me take the camera and he captured great photos, now you cant let him outdo you can ya? - with that he let out a huge laff LOL...... oh my he says, I can see why MrN and Lisa shout your corner for you, you certainly are not the run of the mill patient LOL....they sure were correct about you - ok he says, its a deal, if MrD can have photos of your op then we to must out do him with better photos lmfao.....

Oh, and one more thing, no Auntie Morris I says, he blanked stared at me and so I had to explain all about Auntie Morris and me Auntie Freda's wee bag LOL.... I dont think many patients talk to these top surgeons like I do LOL.... he just smiled and said, no Auntie Morris then - see you around teatime he said.... and with that he walked away chuckling.....

So I had the rest of the day to worry and read to Violet and get things from the shop for others....I had to keep telling meself that this would not go like last years, that was just unlucky, this is different, things will be ok... they had to be....

A little before teatime the call came up that I was to be got ready and someone would be up to collect me to take me to theatre, all systems were go, and the call said, tell Mel not to forget her camera LMFAO hahahahaha



This is one of the theatre nurses, I cant remember what I said to her but she is finding something wellabit funny LOL...I will admit all through the op, problems and all, we laffed and laffed...... note the time on the clock on the back wall.. 4.20pm just past teatime..... I didnt get back to the ward until a little before 9pm.... cripes, things did get complicated LOL

They wheeled me bed down to theatre where I had to hop over onto the operating table and sit on the edge with me feet on a chair and curl me backbone so that they could insert the spinal.... so there I sat.... with one of the theatre nurses infront of me holding me hands incase I fell off the table LOL.... cold spray they said and then you will feel a little prick.... its been a while I said, since Ive had a little prick...... I NEED to learn to keep me mouth shut LOL.....well I could feel the anthestist running his fingers down my spine, and then a sharp prick and with that me left leg shot out and kicked the nurse who was holding me hands right in the shins LOL........ oh my says the anthestist, thats not quite the right gap LOL..... I asked if he had done this before or if he had just wandered in off the street.... with that he was standing in front of me and said, its not me doing it LOL Im teaching today.... blimey, they had only let a student loose on me spinal column lol..... 3 attempts later and 2 kicks at the nurse and they finally got the spinal in.... I had no control over the leg movement, it was the strangest thing ever, its where the needle had hit part of the spinal cord nerves and it must of been the ones that go to me left leg....



we did laff but my back was like a dot-to-dot of holes lol - I did think to meself..... oh shit, here we go again....

I was asked if I was sure I wanted to be fully awake, I said yep, but if things went wrong I didnt wanna hear them say 'we are losing her' or 'my what a fat arse' LOL.... MrC just stared at me and shook his head smiling lol

Ok, he says from behind the screen, lets start, are you ready Mel..... can you take the screen down so I can see, I says..... nope he says we so aint doing that LOL....ok I says but you have to talk to me and tell me whats going on, I dont wanna hear like on the hospital telly programme in surgery where ya discuss who is shagging who and which doctor is cheating on his wife LOL..... he pops his head over the screen and says, dam, which telly hospital programme do you watch LOL...

Ok Mel just tell me if you feel anything, you shouldnt but let me know ok.. first cut.... I asked him to give me a running commentary lol again he said that would be a first, Im glad I had MrC he was not so straight laced as MrD, and the other top surgeon that was MrC's sidekick was wellabit funny.... There was 8 people in theatre plus 2 students and me..... I didnt realise there would be so many, just thought it would be 4 or 5 people....



This was the first cut, little was I to know they then cut much longer and higher, 14 inches in all.... I think my days of modeling are over lol

Throughout both the surgeons so made me laff, it was not until after I put the photos on me computer that I realised how they were both playing to the camera lol.... see the thumbs up in the above photo LOL to dam funny

ok.... be warned gross photos to follow.....



Now this is just the funniest photo ever, it must be the angle or something cos my knee looks like the size of a bloody head LOL...... you can see how much bigger the opening is in the above photo... its right proper wide cos they are pulling it apart with clamps....

No wonder one is very sore after LOL





Just some of the many instruments used during the operation, and yes thats a drill just like I have in me tool bag in me shed LOL....



See the bits of me femur in the little pot, its a strange thought that they cut the end of ones femur off and chistle it out like a dovetail joint to get the metal knee to sit straight...... and then part of it is shoved up the bonemarrow part of the bone....the thing in the photo is the bit that measures where the dovetail will go lol





This has just gotta be the bestest photo ever, these are two top orthopedic surgeons doing a complicated operation on 'me' LMFAO and they have time to take a bow, you can certainly tell they aint never had a camera in theatre before.... I just so love this photo.... and all the time Im chatting away behind the sheet LOL see, it just goes to prove these top surgeon are really just the same as everyone else lol - see the bowl of me bones lol

I did ask if I could have some of the bones and the screws but I was not allowed cos they were not sterile.... I so wanted to make a necklace out of the bones lol



Yep, they really stand on a little stool and put all their force behind hammering..... this is the part where I heard me consultant say 'oh shit' and whats that suppose to mean I say.... well he says, remember how I told you that cos of the weakness where the screws would be out from the acl reconstruction, and how the bone might sheer off..... well, he said, it didnt...... phew I said.... it didnt sheer off he said but I broke it instead...... oh my I says..... well, lets just call it a lucky break then aye?.... with that he comes around my side of the sheet and just bursts out laffing, saying 'a lucky break lol'.... see to some it would of been devastating, but to me it was the best of the two evils... whats a 4 inch break when it could of been the whole bone sheered off ....





Even though the cut dont look it, it actually measures 14 inches from top to bottom...... see the new metal robot joint in place..... all me bits of femur and tibia are in a little bowl, probably going down to the kitchens to make a stew from LOL



That just left the closing up with staples... 46 altogether, he said it was the most he has ever used but with 14 inches to close up he had no choice.... I will admit the scar is horrendous, the bottom half aint to bad but the top half I think he must of done bloody blanket stitch on it lol.... but I say, scars are the roadmaps of ones life, and there aint much I can do about them.... and its not like anyone will ever see them but me.... no one would want me now anyways LOL



They had to be so very careful putting me back across onto my ward bed, cos of the broken femur they made sure things were smooth by having so many people to help LOL...... if you could see me face, I was rolling me eyes lol mainly cos I couldnt see what all the fuss was about cos I was painfree still and numb from me bum down.....



This was the portable Xray machine they had to send down to theatre to Xray the break in me femur before they would move me from recovery back to the ward.....



This is Francis on the right and another chap in recovery, Francis was beaming when he saw me, he remembered me from last year LOL.... they are trying to put me leg in a PMM passive movement machine, they dont usually use one until a few days after a knee op, but cos of all the problems with lack of bend last year, they put me on it straight away, not 10 minutes out of surgery LOL....Jebus just look at me huge cankles lol - see all the blood in the tubes, I told ya I was a bit of a bleeder..... they collected my blood in a bag and when I needed a blood transfusion the following day, they just used my own blood.... talk about recycling lol....



Proof I was alive and kicking LOL no flatlining for me....



That just left Francis to put the end of me bed back on before they whisked me off back to me ward....... you can see me little name tag on the bedend LOL.... see his beaming face.... we giggled like 2 school kids for the whole hour I was in recovery LOL...

They took me back to me ward a little before 9pm.... I know it was that time cos just as they got me settled in and me morphine drip thingy inplace, The Apprentice programme came on the little telly high up on the wall.....

Do you know it was the strangest of things..... last year when I came back to the ward I was so very very poorly.... for 3 days, really out of it...... but this year, it was as if I had just popped out somewhere fore a coffee and a cake..... I was not drowsy or sick or light headed or in pain.... it was just so odd...... even the ward sister and the ward doctor couldnt believe how 'normal' I was LOL..... everyone did hush though so I could watch the programme I had kept on about all day LOL you see, I had watched this programme for weeks and those that know The Apprentice will know how it grabs ya by the short and curlies and I was so worried I was gonna miss it LOL and it being the last but on in the series LOL..... so I sat and watched the telly straight from recovery, they had fixed me up with me morphine drip....



One is in control of ones own morphine, its impossible to overdose though lol cos ya can only get a blast every 6 minutes...... it was funny to watch in the coming days as others bashed their machines and clicked the buttons lol hoping they could get more....

As the telly programme finished around 10pm..... me leg had been in the PMM since coming out of surgery, it was to stay on all night... what it does is automatically bends ya leg for you as it sits cradled in the machine.... what with that and the pumps on me feet which keep the circulation going to save blood clots, I was wondering how the hell I would sleep...... but do you know what, within 5 minutes of The Apprentice programme on the telly finishing, I was out for the count.... I think my body had just given up the ghost, it had been a long stressful hard day with many complications..... so when the nurse went down to the kitchens to find me some sarnies to munch on, cos I had not eaten now for 5 days LOL.... well, when she came back with them.... I was away with the fairys.... dead to the world........ and thats how I was until 7am the following morning, I was still dead to the world and they had to wake me up....... bloody hell...... how different from last year....

Lets just see what was to be forthcoming in the days ahead......

ok.... way way to much twaddle for anyone to read.... but, its just me diary for me lads, so I aint bovvered if anyone read it or not.......but if ya did, I hope the photos were not to gross, I actually have another 30 or so and it was hard to choose which one to put on here......

Tiz a little past 10.30pm now, and I have hospital transport picking me up at just gone 8am tomorrow, so I should think about bed I suppose..... just wish I had a morphine drip now LOL.....

x

Smiles Are Contagious......

Ok..... Well I spent a loverly couple of days back in hospital LOL.... I didnt feel to well on Wednesday, and even though a 'certain knobhead' referred to it as whining.... I truelly didnt feel to great.... and me knee was well swollen and hot and tender to touch and I was burning up.....

After chatting to me matie on the phone for a bit on Wednesday night not really remembering what we talked about, only remembering words of Stubborn and PigHeaded being thrown around lmfao.... I went to bed to awake the next day not really with it.... knowing I had to post a message to a knobhead on a certain blob sight, I then went back to bed..... lazy cow or what LOL..... well with no one here but me there was no need to get up and faff around..... well I awoke hours later with the phone ringing, but by the time I eventually got down the stairs it had stopped.... I replied to an email to a friend, for that I apoligies cos upon reading its back now it full of spelling mistakes and horrendous grammar, but please remember I had a temp of 103 and was not really in this world LOL....

The phone rang again and it was me physio to say he had sorted out the transport problems for the following day and he would see me then..... ok I said...... he asked if I was ok cos I sounded like poo (his words - charming aye LOL)... I went on to tell him actually I didnt feel to good and then explained about the swelling...... I remember hearing a huge intake of breath and I had visions of him shaking his head lol (people seem to do that alot around me lol)..... right, he said, Mel listen to me, I actually have a cancellation this afternoon so I will arrange transport and you can have that slot...... no Nick its ok, I dont feel up to it today, I'll stick with tomorrows appointment...... tough tittie he said, Im arranging it now.... be ready for 1.45 I MEAN IT....

Well when I get there thinking I was to have me physio and also thinking I dont know how Im gonna cope without passing out on the rower LOL he takes one look at me and said I looked like shit.... charming again right LOL.... Ive known this bloke for 6 years or so and he knows he has to talk to me a certain way lmfao..... well, the bloody trickster, I didnt have a physio appointment with him, he had made an appointment to see a consultant at the clinic cos he KNEW I was not well and wouldnt of gone meself without kicking and screaming lol...

So there and then they admitted me..... I cant I said, Ive got nuffin with me, no phone, no money, no bag, nuffin, me back door is open and me chickens are out and will miss me........ the consultant and young doctor just looked at me like I was deranged LOL.... I will put it down to the fever :).... but I was not given an option.....

So up to a ward with nuffin but what I was standing up in I went...... ya see, on Tuesday I was doing me exercises at home.... the wound on me leg is the biggest me physios have ever seen for a knee replacement, but they had to cut lower to dig the screws out from me acl/pcl reconstruction a few years back and then cut higher to fiddle around with the broken femur.... anyways, besides the 46 or so staples I had on the outside, apparently there was many stitches on the inside, and some of them had been put in a tad tight and had puckered and pulled the skin in making like big dimples.... well when I exercised I felt something tear inside and then part of me scar/wound opened up and began to seep....the tear I felt was some stitches either snapping or being pulled though the skin, it then felt right proper cold...... and that is where the problem started with infection lol...... but besides that apparently so they say I had a very high fever and was totally dehydrated LOL.....

So I spent a couple of days in the new hospital drugged up to the nines... with huge amounts of anti-biotics being pumped into a vein and fluids in another..... but now Im home...... well I had to come home to put me chickens away.... oh shut it, you dont understand.... I dont DO hospitals...

Things are looking good though right? lol..... I think the swelling is subsiding a little, and Im on anti-biotics so thats good right?.... me physio rings to check on me lol..... I do owe him a drink, I think he might of saved me from a fate worse then death....... dam this bloke reads me like a book lol.... he actually saved my life 6 years back, it was a very touch and go situation, so maybe I owe him a whole unopened bottle of drink LOL... and that is how he knows me like a book and knows how to talk to me to see sense, or how to trick me LOL

Ya see, cos Im prone to infection, remember last year... jebus.... sigh...... they will wait and see whats what on Tuesday (there was NO WAY I was staying in hospital until Tuesday).... and if things have not settled down to their satisfaction they will whip me in and open me up and have a good scrape around inside...... but, that aint gonna happen right? lol

I know I know, I should of listened to GoFigure's advice on Wednesday.....but alls well right lol..... and no I aint stubborn or pigheaded....... I just dont like making a fuss......

Im ok though, still smiling..... its just par for the course with me..... smooth aint a word in my life that seems to fit me LOL

Praise the lord for me sense of humour and friends that care.......... and praise the lord for smiling carrots...... hahahahahaha



I fixed me self something to eat..... I will admit I was feeling a little sorry for meself yesterday...... no one in the house but me.... (my Jacob was due home from camp that evening)...

I didnt want nuffin heavy to eat so I just steamed some veggies I found in the freezer.... which I LOVE with vinegar and mint sauce on.... oh shut it, its nice like that lol.....

I sat down at the table and looked at me food, and there smiling back at me was a happy little carrot lmfao....IT WAS A SIGN.... a bloody sign ... how can one not be moved by that happy little face.... everything is gonna be fine..... cos the carrot says so LMFAO....

and yes.... I did talk to him before I ate him.... he took one for the good of mankind LOL.... see, how low maintenance I am LOL..... see a little smiling carrot can make me so happy lmfao.... smiles ARE contagious..

Ok... enough Twaddle for an overcast Sunday morning......

ps - this was gonna be a tiny short post with just the photo and a few words, but you know me by now, right proper gobbie I am lol

WARNING - right proper gross photos in me next post.....

x

War And Peace (Oh Shut It GoFigure LOL) - Part II

Ok, Im a little pissed off this morning, they forgot to send hospital transport out for me and I really needed to be there today for Nick to give me his opinion..... ya see, Ive woken up with quite a high temperature and over night me knee/leg has swollen to twice its already very swollen size and its hot and red and stiff as a board....... but I thought, its ok, hospital transport will be be around 10ish, me appointment was 11... I waited and waited, it didnt arrive.... I rang Nick me physio and told him it aint come and I so needed to see him today cos I was a tad stiff.... and NO I didnt tell him the rest lol....he said there are no spaces the rest of the day for me to come in and me next appointment is Friday, well, I will just go along for that, to late to do anything about the missed one today, except Nick did ring the transport office and bollock them.....

So Ive dosed meself up with double the strong meds in the hope that things will settle until me Friday appointment...... so before they kick in I thought I would stop GoFigure nagging me and shove up a quick post... before me head explodes and the sweat pouring off me floods the keyboard LOL

So...... I woke the following morning on the ward of 24 patients, unlike last year though it was not filled to overflowing with little elderly people, yes there was a fair quota of them but there was almost many that was around my age.... some woman next to be had her bunions done and a hammer toe straightened out (remind me NEVER to have me little hammer toe straightened - I would not do that for love nor money after seeing the pain this woman was in) - there was a wrist problem in and the various hips and two partial knees, and down the other end there was some elbows, this is an orthopedic ward after all..... it was strange waking up semi normal, well normal for me, you know, still able to get out of bed etc.....

I hadnt slept much though, not knowing what today was gonna bring........they wouldnt let me have tea or breakfast - just incase, they said....

Well remember the loverly nurse Lisa..... around 10ish she came to see me, my heart was in my mouth as she sat on me bed, I thought she would tell me that I had to go home and go back on MrD's list..... this is the nurse that most of yesterday had laffed and joked with me and eating chocolates and teased me cos I hadnt eaten and was not allowed to eat, she had the most wonderful sense of humour and under all that she was the most caring compassionate beautiful person....

Right she said, Mel, Ive been in since 7 this morning and my shift did not start til 8.... I grabbed todays theatre lists from all the surgeons that are here today to see if there was any cancellations etc..... she said after an hour of trawling through pages and pages of lists she couldnt make head nor tail of it..... so at 8.30 she went to the 'surgeons lounge' which is where all the surgeons on duty that day gather to discuss things and have breakfast and tea/coffee.... she said she had never been in there before but my case had touched her so much LOL..... she said she stood in the middle of the lounge and asked for quiet and then spilled my story... she told everything, about me and my job and life and struggles.... (jebus christ what was I a charity case lol) and explained what had gone down yesterday and if there was any chance that someone anyone would take me on their list today, even though there were a few complications...... she pleaded me case well LOL

When this nurse spoke my name in the lounge one Surgeon Nigel L-Bottom piped up and said, oh my its Mel, I did her acl/plc reconstruction a few years ago and started her off on this knee replacement journey a couple of years back but handed her over to someone more in tune with new technology, and get this, apparently he went on to say (no wonder me ears were burning lol) she is one of the nicest most geniene patients I have ever had on me file or met in over 30 years, even when she is real poorly and in pain she will light up the ward and everyone around her, she can make even the frailest most frightened patient feel special and bring a smile to those that most need it, despite her own problems.... someone needs to take her on today.. I would add her to my list but she is to young for me to do, she needs to be back hiking etc and got endless promises last year with the other knee, she is to young to be just pottering around and hobbling through life, someone NEEDS to get her back to full strength....



She would hate this photo of her lol..... she is not only a nurse but she was the ward sister.... she truely is in the correct job...

Oh my God, I said to Lisa, he so didnt say that.... she said he bloody did, he had me in tears she said, cos I know that you know Nigel and I know that Nigel sees through your hard outside shell, just like I do.....

Lisa then also said in the lounge, Mel so needs a break, she has had the most horrendous couple of year with these ops.... come on.... with that MrC who is actually a higher consultant/surgeon then my MrD said.... Dave knows about this right? this, passing Mel onto someone else, Lisa said yep and he is hoping to ring around today and try and fix one of you up with her..... so apparently MrC says, give me half and hour to go over her notes cos now Im intrigued with the woman LOL....... within half an hour he was back and said OK if Dave is ok with this I'll put her on me list, BUT it will not be today cos its a little complicated, but she will definetely be on me list for tomorrow.... tell Mel I PROMISE...... Lisa said, please MrC dont make empty promises she has had them for years.... he said, my word is my word, unless the building catches fire, Mel will be on my list for tomorrow, I will juggle around my time slots and tomorrow we will see what we can do for her.....

Dam girl she says, your bloody famous LOL - her smile was huge, she said she had NEVER done anything like that before LOL faced all the top surgeons on their own ground.... but she said she remembered me from last year and all the good I had done to those on the ward even though I was so very poorly LOL.... I was smiling and tears flowing at the same time, someone actually really cared about me and me plight, she had tears rolling down her face to, both were tears of joy and she said when Nigel had started saying those things about me to the other surgeons she said she KNEW it was meant to be... she went way beyond the call of duty..... she is an angel....she was my angel....

So, says Lisa, you aint going home today, the bed is still yours, think of today as a little holiday, go wander around the grounds of this 250 year old military hospital, go sit in the sunshine with a book, go hobble down to the waters edge.... but DONT go home (not that I could even get home from there LOL).. so thats what I did..... I was scared cos I really didnt want this operations cos of last year, but I was excited cos I had no choice but to have it done if I wanted any resemblence of a life back..... and guess what, even though they said I had missed breakfast they said I could still have lunch and they would ring down and get me a sarnie bought up, but, I declined, wasnt going down the Auntie Morris/Bedpan trail after I can come so far, they was not happy BUT I had to promise to at least DRINK DRINK DRINK today....

Ya see, this military hospital was due to close in a few weeks time, its been a hospital for the military for 250 years, they use to row the casualties down the creek to the dock and into the hospital, in and around the corridors of the hospital are wonderful old photos of staff and patients etc..... and as I love history I LOVE this place.... so wander I did...... the main building is HUGE and is built with 4 sides around a quad in the middle.... it is a listed building which means it has to be preserved as historical interest..... its not until you truely have the time to wonder the many many acre site that you get to breath in the history of the place.... all around the edge of the sight are beautiful 200 year old houses where the top surgeons would of lived and the naval captains etc.... I do not know what will become of these buildings as many of those are also listed.... that means you can change the insides but NOT the outsides, I expect the main part which is HUGE and on 3 levels plus basement will be made into luxury flats on the inside but the outside will remain as its beautiful self....



Just look at this entrance.... beautiful..



And this plague for those that died in the great war, there were other plagues around the place with those that had died in other wars to....



There were so many interesting (to a history nut) plagues and things scattered around the place....



And of course our union jack in the little rose garden, again with plagues with meanings and thats the old bell off of something or other LOL....



This is the looking through the doors under the first carved main entrance into the building I was in, just see how deep the building is - look at those 250 year old quarry tile floors and if you look real close you can see the old iron tram lines that are embeded in the tiles, well old or what... I was in me element.... maybe my cancelled op was a sign to breath and take in all the history of this place...



I spent much of me day sitting in the sunshine reading me book, I never usually have time for that, just lazing around doing nuffin.... and much of the time I spend running/hobbling up and down in the lift getting things for patients from the little navi shop.... newspapers and extra drinks and sweets and stuff..... throw me arms in the air, what am I a bloody servant I exclaimed once LOL...... I sat with a real old little lady called Violet who was not allowed out of bed and who had asked me if I could go and buy her a paper, when I bought it back for her she said 'I dont know why I wanted it cos my sight is so bad I cant read it' LOL you daft cow I said... so I spent the best part of an hour sitting on the chair next to Violet reading her the daily news...... she kept taking hold of me hand and rambling on about different stuff, what is it with people and me that they seem to spill their life stories out to me lol..... I think the paper was just a ploy and she just wanted someone to hold her scared hand and to chat to......... gawds sake.... she said her family had visited but they had just talked amongst themselves as if she was not even there, she said they was only after her money if she died lol so I said she could leave it to me if she wished LOL..... she said I had chatted to her more in that hour and had made her smile then her family had bothered to talk to her on their visits.... I said, cut the bastards out of ya will Violet and leave anything ya have to the Cats Home..... with which she laffed so hard the top set of her teeth shot out and landed on the covers of her bed....... oh my goodness I almost piddled meself laffing as did she lmfao...... the nurses had to come and see what the fuss was about..... they to started laffing.... when she had stopped laffing she said, just because Im old and cant see to well, it dont mean Im not a person with feelings and she squeezed me hand.... good job she was as blind as a bat and couldnt see me tears.... I just wanted to scoop her up and take her home to live with me LOL.... I wonder if she is good at ironing lmfao....



This was Ally that just couldnt stop laffing LOL she remembers me not only from last year but from 5 years back when Nigel L-Bottom had done me acl/pcl reconstruction.... I had no idea out of the hundreds and hundreds of patients since, why she remembered me LOL

When Violet dozed off for a nap and everyone on the ward had worn me ragged with running back and forth to the Navi shop, I took me book again and went and sat outside in the sunshine to read me book.....



This is looking across to the upper ward where I was and across the inner quad, its very sheltered there cos its enclosed on all 4 sides, cos it can get right proper windy in the grounds cos the hospital is right on the seashore....

It was amazing to think of all the Sailors that would of been treated in this hospital over the last 250 years, when medicine and treatment was still in its infancy.. the pain and suffering and the not really knowing, and without the technology of nowadays.....



This is looking the other way, you can just see the beautiful ancient water tower, aint it just gorgeous.... obviously it aint no water tower now, not sure what they use it for, but its my the military security entrance just as you come onto the sight.... its quite outstanding....

I didnt eat lunch nor dinner that evening, just sips of water... I sat in the telly room whilst everyone else had their supper... thoughts rushing through me head about tomorrow, fears cos of last year..... I had idled about the day, what a lazy cow I was LOL.... I sat and watched telly til 1 in the morning, knowing I wouldnt sleep.....someone keep popping their head around the door just to check I was ok.. of course I was, not a drop of blood in sight LOL..... Lisa came and said she was off and was not in tomorrow and good luck and that she would be thinking of me and would be back in the following day, big hugs and tears all round.... she said 'your okay you are Mel, crazy and mad, but loving and caring and alright, I bet you dont let many people see that' .... oh shut ya mouth I said LOL Im well ard ;)....

I crawled into bed just gone 1am knowing the last night of tucking me knees up and sleeping all curled up like I usually do with me blankie lmfao I tossed and turned.....

Lets just see what happens tomorrow, surely something would crop up to put a stick in the works...... something will go wrong, cos after all..... it always does where Im concerned.....

But lets hope that tomorrow was not empty promises like last year, I could do this alone again, no hand to hold.... tomorrow might be the first day of getting my hiking legs back and getting my life back on track for ME..... I so wish I had had someone to snuggle up to that night.... my pillow was wet with tears.... but I knew there would be no one there to wipe them away......

Tomorrow...... lets see what cock up would happen tomorrow lol


Happy now GoFigure? LMFAO ;) Im burning up now and I think I might go to bed for a little while...

Ok, to much waffling Twaddle.........

Know you are loved.....

x

If There Is A Cock-Up... My Name Will Be In There Somewhere...Part I

Ok, Ive been home a little over 3 weeks, 3 hard, difficult weeks on so many levels, that is why Ive tried to keep meself to meself....

This will bore you to tears, its long winded, but I need to get this down on paper for me lads to oneday realise the shit I have to go through LOL...

Now the frustration and boredom and cabin fever have crept in and thats harder to deal with then the fear and the dam pain..... still no weight bearing until Ive seen me consultant in another fortnight then they will take things from there...

Ive been stuck in the house and the little garden for over 3 weeks mostly on me own, and except for my 3 weekly hospital appointments, for which they send out hospital transport for me, I aint seen another living soul besides me matie Wendy LOL - our Ben went off to Thailand and our Sam has been away most of the time with his maties, our Tom and his girlfriend are abroad on holiday, and Jacob finished compulsary school just 2 weeks after his 16th birthday so I let him go off with his maties, and he is off again next week on Bivi Camp in the New Forest.... but tomorrow he has his leavers Dinner and Dance which I think is like a doodle PROM, and the flash car I had arranged for him only yesterday let me down, so have been racking me drug induced brain today trying to sort something else out (I do not know why the other bloody mothers leave it to me to sort out, especially knowing me circumstances - tossers).... other times I would relish a bit of time on me own, if I was well and able to do things, but being totally on ones own under the circumstances I find meself in have weighed heavy on my soul...

So all in all Ive had a very difficult time of it.... ate nuffin but toast for over a week cos I couldnt stand to make anything, and then had no milk for tea for 3 days.... seems like most of me maties have been to bloody busy with life or just cant be arsed or bothered to help out, not that Ive asked, but they KNOW Ive a broken leg as well as me knee surgery.... so Ive struggled as best I could with what I could manage.... not suppose to go up the stairs but I have no choice, there is no way I can sleep downstairs... it takes me at least 15 minutes to get up the stairs each night and Im sure its a funny thing to watch, so maybe its for the best that no one has been here LOL.... except sometimes its been a little scary on me own... oh well, such is life aye... its what we sign up for..

Anyways.... enough of my troubles LOL..... I know they are minor compared to so many others out there, and to be honest I shouldnt have anything to complain about... not really, should I... so I will shut up now...

So.... Monday 1st June, me best matie Wendy picked me and me bag up at 6.30 on a bright and already sunny morning, I had to be at the hospital by 7.30 so she kindly offered to take me and drop me off and try and get back home in time to take her 4 kids to school and college... we would be cutting it fine.... she knew how scared I was over this coming surgery especially after all that happened and is still going on with the other knee from last year, Wendy me matie, is probably the only person on this entire planet that really really knows me... and I love her and her family to bits.... I know that she is one of the only people in this world that I can truely rely upon in any given things....

I was gagging for a cuppa tea or some toast or something, I was starving, ya see, I have this daft thing that I do LOL.... oh shut it, I dont care that you will probably think Im crazy to LOL... it was Monday and I had not eaten anything since lunchtime on the Friday, and had nuffin to drink since Saturday lunchtime, ya see, I have this fear of hospital bedpans or auntie morris's LOL and my pea sized brain tells me that if I dont eat or drink anything for 2-3 days before surgery then I will NOT need a pee or a poo for a few days after surgery and until I cant get out of bed and get to the loo meself.... I KNOW its crazy, but thats me aint it, I aint normal....

So we signed in at the military security gates and got a carpark pass, we found the little ward that was like a holding bay... ya do all the paperwork and see the surgeons and anthesetist in this little ward and after ya had ya surgery you go onto the 24 bed ward, which was to be the same ward as last year....

This weeks intake of patients would be the last cos you see Haslar would be closing in a few short weeks after over 250 years as a military hospital, cos a new super dooper hospital is/has been built at Cosham where the QA hospital is (thats where I go for fracture clinic and for physio etc) so the atmosphere in haslar was a mix of saddness by the staff and excitement.... the other hospital is only about 6 miles from where I live and it would of been so much easier if I was there, except haslar is special, and homely and old and quaint and loverly and I would rather be there then in the new fangled modern hospital....

So Wendy drops me off and with tears from both sides (she knows how scared I was and that I had no one there like all the other patients, no one to hold me hand), but she also knows that Im a strong old cow, and if anyone could do it alone again then it was me.... so much hugs and tears and promises of ringing me and coming in to see me... she walked down the ward and out the double doors...

I had no time to worry though, ya have many forms to fill in, forms that repeat themselves over and over, then ya surgeon comes and sees ya and talks through things with ya, then the anethestist (sp) comes and has a chat with ya and this time he was a gorgeous hunky dutch army bloke..... MMmmm mmmmm LOL

He had a great sense of humour which matched mine, and we so did laff whilst going through things, he said, in the most juice flowing accent, Ive a feeling your gonna be trouble LOL.... I was 5th on the list which meant sometime around teatime I would go for surgery, they put me last on the list cos of the added complications that were involved this time...... dam and bugger, that meant almost a whole day with still no food, this would be day 4 without a nibble of grub, but, it was for a good cause, right? lol

Well noon came and went, and I was glad I was not having to watch others in the other ward eating there lunch, cos my tummy was well rumbling, and I had the beginnings of a sick headache where I had not had a drink for a few days.... 2 o'clock came and went and slowly the ward I was in began to empty where patients went to theatre for surgery and then went onto the other bigger ward..... 4 o'clock came and I was the only one in the ward LOL.... so they suggested that I might as well have me bed in the ward where I would be later after surgery, instead of sitting there on me own.... so as luck has it I had a bed by a huge window which I straight away opened fully to let the air in, cos it had been a hot day outside...

4.30 came and went an by then my head was thumping, why had they not come for me, time was getting on, the ward doctor walked by and said I looked as white as a ghost, and I had gone so very quiet.... I told him I had a sick headache and had a throat like a parrots bum where I had not had a drink for 3 days, and I felt a little light headed and dizzy, and was it possible for me to have just a tiny sip of water, to which he said NO, he did a few checks and said I was a tad dehydrated hence me sick headache and that he would put a line in to give me some fluids before I went down to surgery, and they could use the same line down in theatre...



Twas a little hard to fine a vein cos I was a little fluidless LOL... do you know that on my notes is says 'a bit of a bleeder' LMFAO... it truely does, I read them hahahaha... as you can see by the above photo as soon as they dig a hole in me, I bleed, and thats before they attached a fluid line....



Anyways, they hung a fluid drip up and they said it shouldnt be long and I should be going down to theatre..... and that the fluid would help with me headache.....

Well 5 o'clock came and went and the nurse in charge came and sat on me bed and said that I would not be going to theatre cos they had run out of 'theatre time' WTF and cos mine was gonna be a long one there would not be enough 'recovery' staff still available SO THEY FUCKING CANCELLED... when she told me this, I lost it, I just broke down and sobbed, they didnt get it, I had waited all day on the edge of me nerves, no food for 4 days and 3 days without a drink, they couldnt cancell, not now, everything was in place, my Jacob in the middle of his exams and lifts to school arranged, I had sorted out me 13 nippers with other childminders, it was so hard to organise everything for everyone, they didnt understand how much energy and courage it had taken me to be there today, after what happened last year.... they couldnt cancel, they couldnt, I sobbed and sobbed like some demented lunatic, I dont know if it was the lack of food and drinks or just that EVERYTHING GETS COCKED UP where Im concerned.... the nurse said me consultant/surgeon would be down to see me in a little while to explain... and she pulled the curtains around me to give me a bit of private time to compose meself... LOL

Now what was about to happen I find funny now, but at the time I didnt... I was distraught.... I never felt so alone in me life.... how pathetic was I, what a total loser was I.... how come everything never goes to plan in life where Im concerned, no matter what I do, or what I dont do, Im constantly tested....

I was still connected to the IV drip in the back of me hand, but I didnt wanna sit behind this curtain on me own, I needed to get the hell out of there and find someplace where I could have a right proper cry and to think what to do.... and I certainly didnt need fluids anymore, so I yanked the IV tube thingie out of the connecter thing in the back of me hand... and got off the bed to try and find the loos where I could sit in peace and have a right proper breakdown LMFAO...luckily I was only 3 beds from the end of the ward, as I got off the bed I went so light headed and had to stagger down the corridor, I found a washroom and loo and went in and locked the door.....

now the funny bit...well I think it is lmfao

I had on a new white fluffy dressing down, and a hospital flapper gown and me pink crocs as slippers... but as I looked down, the front of me white dressing gown had streaks of red all down he front, wtf, when I look at where my hand should of been there was blood actually gushing out of the end of me sleeve of me gown.... now, remember I had not eaten for days or drunk and that I was so overwhelmed and light headed and not thinking straight due to crying like a pathetic child... well LMFAO.... my brain registered all the blood coming out of me sleeve and it said OH SHIT, someone had cut off me hand cos there was no hand there, and the blood must of been coming from the STUMP ..... fear... panic.... my brain screamed WHO CUT OFF MY BLOODY HAND HOW DARE THEY.... I raised my arm in horror to look at the bloody stump, and as I did so the blood gushing out hit the mirror on the wall and splattered in the sink and as I turned round it splattered up the shower curtain..... by now I was actually bleeding quite profusely, and my brain was working overtime.... I lowered me arm and what I thought was a bloody stump, only to realise no one had cut me hand off LMFAO it was where the sleeve of me dressing gown was a tad long and had fallen over me hand, making it look like I had no hand there at all, cos I must have short arms LOL Jesub when I looked I could see me fingers but no stump, just blood pumping out everywhere..... they was not wrong in having in me notes that I was a 'bit of a bleeder'....

oh my, how ones brain works when faced with just so much lmfao I think it was the lack of food and water and the shock.... the blood was actually gushing out real fast and the front of me dressing gown was just totally red..... when I took stock of the situation and looked around the little room looked like there had been a mass murder going on, blood was on the mirror and on the wall as I had turned around and over the shower curtain and dripping all over the floor, I hung over the little sink and watched in a daze as the blood was pumping out of the canula that was in the vein in the back of me hand, how was I to know that the blood would just pump out when I took the line out... KNOCK KNOCK on the door, Mel are you alright, a little voice asked, only there is a trail of blood up the corridor leading to this door, is your canula bleeding.... oh shit oh shit, my mind was racing, they will think Im right proper stupid..... 'no no I say, its okay, its fine' how could I let anyone in, the state of the washroom looked like a slaughter house LOL - I grabbed a handful of paper towels and wrapped them around my hand which soon became soaked with blood and again began dripping on the floor, I pulled loads of paper towels out of the machine and tried to wipe the mirror and walls and sink lmfao but all it did was smear it to make it look worse, by now I was so very very light headed and I really thought I was gonna pass out.... BANG BANG BANG on the door, okay Mel open the door there is blood and water seeping under the door, you need to open the door' the sink was over flowing where it was blocked with the paper towel and that mixed with all the blood on the floor it had no where to go but under the door and out into the corridor...

No matter where I looked there was blood everywhere, but I had no choice but to open the door to a look of horror on the army doctors face, I stood there in a panic with the blood still really gushing out of the thing in me hand and swaying almost at the point of passing out, he gently takes my hand and puts his finger over the open valve stopping the blood instantly, he is standing in the washroom with me blood staining his brown brogues and dripping on his clean blue shirt (WHERE WAS YA CHUMPA WHEN I NEEDED YA LOL) he says ' quite a bloody bleeder aren't you Mel' then he says my goodness it looks like a slaughter house in here.... I started to cry again and kept saying Im so sorry I was trying to clear it up...

Its funny now, but it was not at the time, I truely honestly thought in my stressed out state that some bastard had cut my hand off....

He took me back to me bed and after a cuppa tea and a few tests put up a new drip with some blood in it for a top up LOL apparently I had lost almost a pint and a half...



An hour later I was cleaned up and dressed in me own clothes.... having a fresh supply of blood in me... I still needed to get out of there.... I needed to gather me thoughts... I needed space....so I went down in the lift to sit out on the back steps in the fresh air, I sat there trying to get me head around how I could re-organise everything.... the tears began to bubble up again... and those that know me know I dont do 'tears' unless at the end of me tether...my head was pounding, my mind whirling... why does shit and bad luck always sit on my already overcrowded shoulders.... the nice little nurse came rushing out the door all a fluster LOL... she well made me jump..... 'christ Mel, we have been looking all over for you, come on, come inside and lets see what we can do about this mess... you really shouldnt be sitting out here on your own after everything' .... I kept saying Im so sorry about the mess, how was I to know the blood would just keeping gushing out the thing in me hand'.... not that mess she said, you loon Mel, I mean the mess about the cancellation of your operation' to which we both burst out laffing...

I went back to the ward and again sat on me bed.. and whilst sitting there someone come up behind me and put there arms around me and just hugged me real tight, it was me bestest matie Wendy, she had rung the ward to see how the operation went only to be told about the cancellation, and the blood loss and how sad I was.... she knew I would be distraught, she knew how hard it was for me to be there in the first place... not just organising everything but also being self employed I would be losing hundreds in wages and putting me home on the line with no money coming in for the mortgage and bills... she knows me like a favourite book... so as soon as they told her, she asked her John to sort their kids out and she jumped in the car and 50 minutes later she was with me, she and I are so close and she just let the tears flow, she knows me like no other...

Come on she says, lets get a crimple chair and I'll take you for a coffee, the cafe might still be open.... we found the little hospital cafe and we was the only ones there, she bought chocolate cake and a mug of tea... jebus it hit the spot after not eating for 4 days LOL and we talked and talked, and laffed and laffed at how its 'always me' that shit happens to.... these complications these hiccups these things only happen to you Mel... you sure are being tested...

When we got back to the ward me consultant was there, he stood in front of my red puffy tearstained face..... Dave you cant cancell, not now, YOU know how hard its been for me to organise everything and to have the courage to get here today, you cant cancel... he said he would put me back on the waiting list and it would probably only be a couple of weeks or even maybe next week.... I told him, why not tomorrow, just bump someone else off the list and let me be first tomorrow, he said it dont work like that and that he was not in theatre tomorrow... I told him it was NOW or never, I couldnt do this again in a few weeks and I would have to just hobble around for the rest of me life a crimple and have no life like I hadnt for the past few years, I said everything was arranged at home with everything.... please Dave DONT DO THIS TO ME.... you aint wearing my shoes Daveieboy, just bump some little old lady off the list and do me next..... he said that would not be fair, so I said 'fair on who Dave... what, and your being fair now'.... the nurse just looked at me in horror LOL no one talks to top surgeons/consultants like that....

A loverly nurse called Lisa came and sat on the bed to talk to me and to Dave (me consultant) she knew me from last year and during the day we had had such a laff together, she knew me story and how hard everything was to sort out and how badly I needed me life back and after all the shit promises from last years left knee balls up, she was in my court..... I said, look Dave, if your not in theatre tomorrow, get someone else to do it, someone else must have a space, a slot, I dont care now who does it, be it the bloody teaboy, its now or never.... he said, surgeons dont like to take on at the last minute someone elses patients.... I said, then make me the first, make me the expection to the rule.... Dave YOU OWE ME THIS AFTER LAST YEAR...

The nurse said to him, but it is possible that someone else would do it if they had a gap, a space or a cancellation... he said they might but the chances were it was slim, he said he would ring around tomorrow and see if there was anything that could be done, oh yeah Dave, so, I says, that means you go home and forget about me, your just saying that to cover your arse..... Mel, he said, I promise you I will ask, if not, then I will have you back in within a fortnight..... he said go home and wait to hear.... the nurse then said..... look MrD, the bed is Mels, she might as well stay the night and see whats what in the morning.... ok he said, but no promises, and Im not here and someone would have to spend much time going over me notes cos of all thats gone on before.. no promises he said.... and he walked away.....

Wendy hugged me with promises of ringing me in the morning...

So that night I went to bed on a ward scared and confused and almost praying that just once JUST BLOODY ONCE... my life wouldnt be messed with... why me, why does this shit always happen to me....

Lets see what tomorrow brings.....lets just see what else will kick me into kingdom come... lets just see....

Okay enough boring Twaddle, its a little after midnight and its now I suppose Friday morning just...... knackered beyond knackered....

If you have read down this far you need to admit yourself to a loonie bin LOL

know you are loved....

x