Second of I hope you all had a great crimbo and new year....I did raise me glass to you all, and I even got rat-arsed a few times...... apparently Im funny when Ive had a drink lmfao
One thing I did put mind and soul into was finishing the qualification I started back in the year, me CCLD NVQ3... its usually a 2 year course at college, but I decided to do it on the job and gave me self 6 months..... but of course me second surgery with complications was in the middle so its taken a little longer, but still a 2 year course done and dusted and PASSED in just 8 months aint something to snot at :) - YEP I PASSED this week..... and there was me thinking I was well to old for pages and pages of indepth work LOL.... but once I get me teeth into something there is no stopping me..... It felt good to get the results and realise I still have it in me to absorb stuff and to write great papers full of my knowledge and experience in the field of work I find myself in...... so cheers to me LOL.... I was told my papers were 'a tad different' and filled with not only the indepth content needed but also with funny quips, stories and sayings, apparently some of my papers had the assessor laffing in her office LOL.... well you know me, I can only be me, be it writing serious papers or writing Twaddle....
Over the past few weeks Ive tried to stack on the shelves of me mind all the negative and shit things that have been in my life this past few years, all the things that was eating away at the person I was, I let certain people sorta take away my ability to wear me 'well ard' head and be the strong tough person Ive been all me life, I opened way to much and Ive paid the consequences.... and if I hadnt of done that then I would of maybe coped with all these surgeries and negative people that seem to cling to me like 'clingons on a hairy bum' LOL.... I can do that, stack things away, the shelves of me mind are full of things, sometimes I take them down like an old favourite book and smile at the wonderful memories, and sometimes I take the wrong things off the shelves and I let them affect me.... well, usually Im a tough biscuit to crunch and Id like to think that most of the past 2 years and some of the people thrown in that mix are stacked on the top shelf, left to gather dust and forgotten for good....
Sooooooooo crimbo...... I/we had the most loverly of times.... it was very relaxed and just the funniest.... cos of the tension thats been hanging around our home for a few months now, I have NOT been the best person to live with lol...I will be the first to admit that.... I'll put it down to hormones LMFAO...but in fact I realise its where Ive just been so very very scared, probably the first time truely in my life.....scared of so many things, things that usually I just think 'what will be will be' and I let that fear flow into my core and affect the balance of HERE.... I was also a little concerned that crimbo would not be the same, or that it would be our last 'together' but you know what, this crimbo was the BEST one we have had for years, and our crimbos are usually great, but this one seemed special........ its as if we had all come back together as one....the love just oozed out of the doors of my house, it has pulled us back together, moulded us back into our unit that has held us all together all these years on our own.... we kept ourselves to ourselves and just enjoyed being with each other, I went to bed in tears, but they were tears of joy and not the tears that Ive shedd for months.... I thought we had lost US but we hadnt, it was there all the time...just buried a little under the burdens of life... we seemed to come to a pact, a silent pact.... without even saying anything... we realise WE are all we have.... just us.... we have no one else here, no one that truely cares about us.... no family on either side that gives a shit....just US.. we have US..
And even though Im fighting desperately to keep a roof over our heads and Im scared and dont know which way to turn, dont know how to sort this one out....I know that whatever happens... we will always have US.... the unconditional love that we only seem to have around these parts.... we are unmaterialistic and our needs are very small compared with most people I know around here..... I need to find 'my people' so Ive stepped away from most people that have been in my life, cos, we dont wear the same gloves..... shit, mine dont even match let alone be designer ones LMFAO....
I'll explain a little more another time........ I just wanted to put something up in here to let you know Im alive....to exist is not living...... but at the moment it will do for me, it has to....
We have been snowed in for almost a week..... I'll post about that soon..
I will do a proper post over the weekend and tell you all about our crimbo with photos..... I think this is the first post without photos.... but, I doubt anyone is even here to read it anyways LMFAO...
If anyone is here....... Know you are loved..... Iggy fanks dear sweet you for the beautiful flowers that came in the week, and JBelle for the amazing parcel filled with beautiful things I will treasure always, and my dear dear friend Jolie for the beautiful handmade things again they will be treasured for ever, they came this week once the post vans could get through, ok so they had to stop at the end of the road and trek through the snow, but trek they did......Love you all, but you so shouldnt be spending your hard earned dosh on the likes of me :) - we had had no post for a week.... so what a loverly surprise to have 3 things arrive as soon as the post was back up and running.... my heart sings for you all..
ok ok I'll leave you with just a couple of photos .......
Our Jacob is nuts lol the trampoline was so soft and fluffy with snow lmfao
DONT EAT YELLOW SNOW :)
Enough Twaddle for today, see you over the weekend....
OXO
