Addiction and Begging....So I Aint Perfect - Does It Look Like Im Bovvered...

Ok......... I will admit, I have an addiction... and there is nuffin I can do about it...... and mores the point..... I dont want to, Im happy with me addiction, it does no harm to anyone..... so, if it aint a problem to anyone but me, then its harmless, right?.......

But, you see, the thing is, I have run out of the substance that makes me smile, that takes me high, that makes me soar to heights that only I can fully understand........ and only YOU me doodle maties can help me....... you are the only ones that I know will be able to provide me with the means to carry on with my habit.......

So....... this is where the begging bit comes in...... ya see, from a very abusive childhood and an incident in 1973 where begging got me nowhere, I swore that never again would I beg to anyone for anything in life........ but here I am.... having to beg, I can see no other path to help me with this addiction of mine......

Ya see, when we was in the states a couple of summers ago, I came across this stuff that I just loved....... it made my throat hot and my eyes roll with tears....... so I bought home 3 jars of it....... but now alas through my addiction and continual use, I find myself without so much as a single bit left....... Ive hunted everywhere in this country to find a replacement, but NUFFIN comes up to scratch, nuffin is a patch of the doodle stuff.......

So please....... please, Im begging one of you, all of you, anyone one you know of ......... could you please hunt your shops, your store cupboards, steal from your grandmas your parents your family, or even from your local grocery shop..........I dont care how you get it, but Im willing to pay huge dosh for.....

THIS............



It HAS to be this exact make, this flavour, this jar..... IT HAS TO BE the same.... Ive tried something similar, but its no use, it doesnt take me to that high of MMMMmmmm-ness.......that numb lip-ness....

Ya see, I sprinkle this when Im steaming salmon steaks, I strinkle this when Im steaming me parsnips lol....... I had to eat salmon last week, without me sprinkling of this substance....... and I ended up giving it to the cats.......

So, please if anyone out there could take the time and effort to track down the culprit and be kind enough to post a jar or two to me...... I would of course pay all buying and posting costs incurred....... BUT I CANT LIVE without this in me life........ and Im tried all alternatives that we have here.......

So......... short and sweet........ not me usual run of the mill Twaddle....... but a begging post..... can you see me on me knees? no? well thats cos I aint lol......

Go forth and do your best...... Im counting on ya..... and that should be an honour cos I usually only ever count on meself........ so you can see how hard it has been for me to beg........

ok, enough begging Twaddle for a Monday........ I have another post half written but it keeps bringing me to tears, so it might be a few days late, and it was something that I so wanted to post yesterday..... life aye ;) - x

COWIE Has Arrived And I Think She Loves It Here .....

Ok......... I dont know how many of you go and read the Dingleberries site.... which is a little newspaper online sort of site from the Spokane area in Washington State, you know, right over left of the Staples....... well I love the site and have found many wonderful people and blobs via the Dingleberries.......

Well a few months back now.... Davie Boy the 'bloke in charge' had a picture on the site of a dead elk thing that someone had snapped whilst out and about..... well, I made a comment on the picture bit and said something like.......'Oh could someone get me the skull' ........ I was serious, even though I realised that it was just pie in the sky............ BUT OH NO IT WAS no pie in the sky, it wasnt even no bloody rhubarb crumble in the sky.........

Cos this dear dear chappie ((((Starr))))) read me comment and commented that he had an elkie skull that he would be willing to post to me once all the dangly bits of fur and flesh had been burnt off.......... well I could hardly contain me excitement.......

Ok, what you have to remember is that to most people I probably aint the normal run of the mill person....... I think by now most have realised that...... well, we have a handful of little skulls balanced on the beams in me kitchen...... ya know, just like a badger and a little deer, and a mouse lol and a rabbit and some as to what we dont have a clue.......

I tell me minded nippers when they ask, that they are the heads of minded kids that didnt eat their dinner....... I never have a problem with me minded kids now NOT eating all their dinners LOL...... fear is good, right?

So began the story of elkie........ Starr lobbed him in a bonfire to burn off all the dangly bits but elkie broke...... I thought it was all to good to be true......... when....... Starr emailed me to say that even though elkie was all broken, he could get hold of a cow head for me :)........ so thats how COWIE came about....... Starr not only found Cowie, but he said he would post it to me..... all this from someone that I didnt even know..... a kind soul, a dear chappie that I think realised that maybe Im a bit of a nutter..... and ya know that nutters have to be kept amused, right? LOL

Well Cowie was gonna cost a fortune to fly over via an aeroplane, so I suggested that Starr post it so that it comes via land and sea....... even though it would take 6 weeks or so....... it didnt matter......... an that is exactly what dear Starr did........ he packed Cowie up in a computer box with all shredded paper stuff and declared her 'WESTERN ART' on the customs forms :)......... I asked him to write the value as under 30 quid so I would NOT have to pay bugger loads of Import Tax this end........

You still with me :) its well worth the wait lol

So we waited and waited and Starr did some lovely posts on his blob about Cowie......

Well over here I told all me maties about the iminent arrival of Cowie....... they laffed and laffed and well took the piss out of me and said...... Mel...only YOU would want a bloody dead cow head LOL....... Cowie was becoming such a celebritey before she even had docked in England.......

SOOOooooooooooooo Cowie arrived over the weekend....... in the computer box just as Starr had told me she would........ but I could not open the box, I had promised my Jacob that if it arrived when he was not around then I would wait for him to get in, and we would open it together, he was just as excited as me :)..... weeks and weeks the talk in this house and amongst me maties has been about Cowie....... well Jacob was out all weekend and I had been gagging to open her box......... and finally me lad came home on Sunday and we was able to open the box and see Cowie for the first time............

Oh my goodness........... she did NOT disappoint.........as we lifted her out from the tangle of shredded paper she seemed to smile at us with her HUGE gob and beautiful row of teeth..... now, you lot are probably laffing just like me maties have been and thinking that I must of been out in the sun to long....... but believe me........ I LOVE this Cowie........ :)......

And ya see, a few weeks ago, I told Starr that when Cowie arrived from the States, I would take her out and about and show her 'my world' LMFAO......... and that is exactly what I have done in the couple of days that she has been here...... and will be doing over the coming months........ me and me maties are making it our mission to take her to visit as many places as possible and take photos of her enjoying her life now in England :).....

Ya think Im mental right? well, does it look like Im bovvered LMFAO......

So yesterday, was her first day out..... we was only out for an hour, cos she had a bit of ship-lag LOL

I took her down the lanes and showed her a little of me countryside........ and here are a few pictures of Cowie yesterday enjoying herself........



This is Cowie sitting under one of our little sign posts down the lanes..... :) - See where it says 'The Bat and Ball' well thats actually the name of a pub lol, its on Broadhalfpenny Down which is just up the lanes a little way and its famous for being the birth place of Cricket...... but everyone calls the area The Bat and Ball, hence the signpost for the pub and NOT Broadhalfpenny Down LMFAO - we be a funny lot over here.....



This is Cowie when we stopped for a rest, she was sitting under the wild dog-roses and was just looking across a farmers field... :)



This is cowie hanging on the Worlds End sign ..... ya know, the sign I took a picture of the other week and that dear Toadie nicked and used on his blob....... I took this picture of Cowie on the Worlds End sign just so that you can see that the sign is well real and not just a picture I had found upon the internet ...... :)



Here is Cowie hanging from one of our wooden 'Footpath' signs...... these are wooden signs on the side of the road showing anyone that one has a right of passage across a farmers field..... our countryside is famous for having hundreds upon hundreds of little signs pointing the way that one is allowed across fields and they all interconnect...... Cowie especially liked the poppies LOL ........ :)

Hope your still with me....... cos today was JUST THE FUNNIEST EVER........ I had to go to MAKRO which is like this biggish warehouse shop...... ya have to get there via the dead badger lanes...... so I rings me matie Sharon and tells her where Im off to and does she want to come or does she need owt from this shop........... I'll come she says, come and pick me up...... and this is the funny bit....she says........ AND BRING COWIE, we will show her around the shop LMFAO......

So I loaded up me 3 nippers and placed Cowie on a lovely fluffy Ikea blanket in the boot, and I nips round to pick me matie Sharon up with 2 nippers....... and off we go....... we did look out for any dead badgers on the way, we actually drove fairly slow in case we missed any, but there was non to be seen today........

Well, we get to this HUGE Makro shop, ya know, its one of them shops (wholesale) where ya have to have a membership card to get in..... so we find 2 trolleys with 2 baby seats in them and Ellis said he would walk....actually we didnt find them we confiscated them off of these 2 people that didnt have kids with them, cos the trolleys with the baby seat in this particular place are few and far between...... we couldnt find any, when we saw these people across the carpark, and me matie says to me....... go get them baby trolleys off them people that aint got kids, dam bloody cheek of them for nicking the only nipper trolleys...... these people were not to happy, so I pretended that they had been spotted on the CTV cameras and would be apprehended once inside the shop for not having kids with them, so it was best to hand them over...... LOL - this started the first round of giggles from me and Sharon...... so, we place Cowie in the trolley, cos of course she was gonna have a look around and we was gonna take photos of her enjoying herself LMFAO....... but the man on the door took one look at us with 5 little nippers and took one look at cowie and said........ WTF you cant bring that in here....... I said, Cowie was a visiter and it was to hot to leave her in the car........ he said....... I dont care how hot it is.....she aint coming in here..... now get her OUT....... lmfao hahahahahaha - by now me and Sharon was in fits of laughter...... so we went out the door and wrapped cowie up in the Ikea fluffy blanket.... and tried again......... smiling sweetly at the blokie on the door............. he said......... DO YOU FINK I WAS BORN YESTERDAY....... I know she is under that blanket...... SHE AINT COMING IN lol......... so we had to admit defeat and leave Cowie in the car whilst we got what we needed in the shop........

But before loading me car up, I had an idea....... we sat all the kids in the boot of me car, and I went to the front seat to get Cowie..... when I heard Sharon having a karfuffle with some people at the back....... these people only thought that we was shoving the kids in the car boot and was gonna drive home with them all in the boot LMFAO oh my goodness, its all I could do to stop meself piddling me pants where I was laffing so much...... these people was getting a tad irrate cos me and Sharon couldnt say anything cos we couldnt speak through the tears of laughter LOL........ in the end Sharon just told them to bugger off and mind there own business lol.......

So here I have a picture I LOVE.........in the boot of me car in the carpark outside of Makro.... :)



As you can see, Cerys was scared to death of Cowie, then there is Sprite, Ellis who is holding Cowie was mega chufted and LOVES her, then Scabby Jack didnt give a toss one way or another and then Just Jack had a monk-on cos he wanted to hold Cowie...... :)



In this picture you can see the Ikea fluffy blanket that we used to try and smuggle Cowie into Makro LMFAO.......

So ((((((((Starr)))))))) if you could only know how grateful I am, that you took the time all those months ago to read me comment on Dingleberries..... and start a ball rolling that is gonna give us soooooo much fun and laughter, as we take Cowie to all parts of the South of England....... next week we are taking her to the Beach at Southsea LMFAO..... so I thank you from the bottom of my heart......... and even though me maties think/know Im bonkers....... I think they to are gonna get so much fun out of Cowie as we begin our mission of showing our Doodle Cow Skull the sights and sounds of Southern England.......... we will take many photos and keep you all updated of Cowies adventures....

Starr you truely are a 'STAR'.....

And talk about recycling...... one of me cats, ya know, scabby tail-less skanky cat that I LOVES.... climbed in the box with the shredded paper and has now claimed this box as her own :).....



See, nuffin goes to waste in this house :)

Much much Twaddle for a hot and sunny but laughter filled Wednesday.......

x

Im All Bleedin Heart - All Waifs and Strays Welcome...Gawds Sake...

Ok........ remember Eric a few posts back...... well sometimes these things are meant to be...... as sad as it was to let Eric go, we knew he was going to a more comfortable pad, a place where he could stretch out and ponder on life and its meanings....

Well, no sooner had Eric departed, the very next day something happened that must of been meant to be....... Erics house was empty, cleaned out and awaiting a new occupant.......

scene set......

Back in the week I was just dishing dinner up when I heard my Tom out the back, saying....... drop it will you, DROP IT...... christ sake let go, dont make me have to bop ya nose..... I thought, who the hell is he talking to.... who the hell was in me garden that he was gonna have to bop their nose........

Further investigation lead to me opening the back door to be confronted with my Tom holding FatCat by the scruff of his neck.......FatCat was all a bristle and was making these well strange growling noises......... now you have to realise that Fatcat is, well, a Fatcat with a belly beard, he is loved and cherish and thinks he is a dog...... he never strays from the garden, as do neither of me cats and is one of the most friendliest scaredy cats out.........he is a big pussy lol



This is Fatcat.... as you can see, when I am on the computer, he snuggles up in a ball and sits next to the keyboard.....I finks he loves me, and when I am home he is never more then a few feet from wherever I am lol

So, I says, Tom what ya doing to Fatcat.......... mum he's got something in his mouth and he wont give it up........ so with that I gently pull his tail, just gently you understand..... and he opens his mouth, to reveil.......... A LITTLE FIELD MOUSE....... shaking and quivering...... and slightly chewed.... just lying there flopped still on the path....... so Tom picks it up to inspect it and see how chewed it is and if its infact still alive......

He was still alive, and just slightly chewed, so my Tom puts him on his arm, and thats how Chewie came to be living in Erics old home....... ya see, we couldnt just brush him off and let him go in the garden cos Fatcat was right on his tail ;) he would of grabbed him in a whisper and next time he wouldnt of been so lucky and would of been fully chewed instead of only half chewed.......



This is Chewie the half chewed Fieldmouse or it could be a Dormouse we aint sure....



Dunnee look scared to death :(

We thought if we put him in the tank to lick his wounds in the warm and snuggly home with food and water then we would of done good and saved a little life...... only time would tell.....

BUT, like everything in this bloody mad house NUFFIN goes quite as simple or to plan....... the mouse was shaking and as Tom was trying to open the glass door of the tank thing Chewie decided to make a leap for it and lept from Toms grasp...... Emma Screamed and jumped back, I screamed cos she banged into me, Jacob was laffing and as Tom swung round to try and catch Chewie in mid-air he knocked over the 2 plastic cartons of medium and large crickets, and the lids flipped off and 30-40 crickets were now jumping all over Toms tiny bedroom, the mouse was nowhere to be seen, Im jumping on the bed with Emma, and Jacob is still laffing his head off as 30-40 crickets are chirping and hopping and thinking FREEDOM bloody FREEDOM......

Eventually 25 minutes later we had managed to capture Chewie, we cornered him behind Toms OneArmedBandit and poked him with a hockey stick and Tom grabbed him, all the while picking up jumping hopping crickets and shoving them back in the box..... we couldnt find them all, some escaped down the little hole where the pipe to the radiator comes up through the floorboards...... so for the rest of the evening and into the morning all we could hear was the call of these bleedin escaped cricekts between the floorboards and the ceiling lmfao........ PLEASE LORDY WHY ME.....



Quivering Chewie but alive.....

So for a few days Chewie has been living in the lap of luxury, 3 square meals a day, warmth, drink and much love.........

But as much as we have grown attached to Chewie, he is after all a little wild creature and use to his freedom, maybe he has a family that was missing him....... so now he was healed and well and his chewed body was once again whole, we decided it best to let him go, back to the wild, back to his life he had before we saved him......



This is Chewie sitting on Toms shoulder just before we let him go.... look how tame he has got :)

I think he loves us......... just look at his little face, see how he is smiling, compared to how he looked half chewed......

So we shut the cats in the house........ and said our goodbyes to a little mouse that we had rescued and loved and nurtured back to health...... I hope he remembers us and tells his family how good we was to him :)........

But, to be honest, Im half expecting Fatcat to bring him back tonight, only this time maybe nor half chewed but fully gobbled lol......... but ya know what...... thats the call of the wild ;).....

chirp chirp, shit is that a cricket I hear stuck under the floorboards, dont say I will have to prise the boards up to rescue it ;)

Enough boring Twaddle from this mad house.......

Jebus - She Would of Been Well Old.......

Ok....... this is just a tiny post....... ya can still comment on the previous one if ya wish, and no one will probably comment on this one, and thats fine, but I just need to get this out lol.......and knowing me I will delete the whole bloody stupid post lol....

Today 31st May would of been me mums birthday, if she had lived she would of been the ripe old age of 82..... Jebus thats well old......... my mum was a mean bitter wicked woman, everyone said so, except the tiny few friends she had, and they was very few, but when I close me eyes I can vaguely capture a few times when she had been nice....... I know people say, well ya only remember the bad bits..... but in this case its easier to remember the good bits LOL cos they was few and far between.......

She died in November 1999 of lung cancer, exactly 12 weeks after my father died also of cancer after being in Scotland to recupe from open heart surgery....so I lost both me parents AND my siblings all in one hit...... my siblings stopped me going to my fathers funeral, well, didnt stop me, just didnt tell me where it was gonna be, right up in Scotland...... so I said me goodbyes to him in a tiny chapel perched on the side of the cliffs in Cornwall..... ya see I rang all around Scotland where me sister lived to find out if they had a deceased bloke by the name of Reggie and if so what time was he gonna be 'done'....it dont matter where ya say goodbye, its whats in ya heart and soul that matter, not the fact that ya standing in a church or a cremation place..... I mean no despect with my words..... so if you are offended by them, then Im truely sorry........deeply I am....

But this is not about my father, this is about my mother....... ya see, she hated me, for as long as I can remember from a tiny child she/they hated me..... ya see, I was suppose to be the boy that replaced a twin that had died 2 years previous, my brother that is alive and 2 years older then me was a twin but my mother lost one at 5-6 months whilst pregnant........ and I was suppose to be the replacement......... but.......dah dahhhhhhh I was a girl LOL......... this aint bloody china ya know.... gawds sake.....they also had to move just after I was born, from the little house they loved to a well rough nasty council estate, cos there little house on the seashore was being purchased by the council to build a carpark.....in those days one had no choice, no arguement, if the council needed your land or house they they bought it...and I will add at a fraction of the cost....

But, do you know, that to this day the little plots of land where the little seafront wooden bungalows once stood has never been built on..... that must of been hard for my parents to stomach........ and last year, I went and climbed through the overgrown undergrowth and actually found the old concrete door step of the little house where I was born..... I knew where it was cos its right next to the seashore pub and sailing club that my father use to belong to, and the pub where as kids he would drag us all along so that he could still be with his maties...... I have taken me own kids to the pub on the shore at Milton Locks... and told them all about what their grandfather did as a young man...... I dont mean to me, I mean all the stories he would tell about his sailing days and everything, I would NEVER tell them anything but the times when my fathers eyes would light up with memories.....

How I survived childhood is beyond me..... stubborn, strong, knowing right from wrong, morals that somehow were in my head without ever being shown what morals were.....

Growing up and trying to be accepted I was a bit of a Tom Boy, I suppose I was trying to BE the boy they had wanted.... even had me hair cut at the barbers with me brother in the hope that maybe they would like me..... lol

I asked once that if they didnt love me could they maybe just like me for who I was......... WRONG WORDS lol...... couldnt sit down for about 2 weeks LOL but it was what it was.....

I do not hate either of them for all that went on..... I would just of loved a few answers thats all....

No doubt they had their reasons, and obviously deeper then the reasons Ive stated, reasons though, whatever they maybe, is NEVER a reason for abuse, to them they must of thought they was valid......oh well...

I cant as yet tell much about any of this....... but....... through all of everything...... I loved me mum to the day she died........she died with so many unanswered questions...... so many questions....... and my Auntie Jean will NOT speak to me about anything because..... after not being told where my father was being 'done' I decided that there was no point to going to my mums funeral..... I mean, she had not spoken to me for 3 years and had only seen my sons if I dropped them off at the corner of where she lived so that she didnt have to see my face ..... which after a year, I thought was bloody daft, it was either see us all or dont bother......so I sat in our village church at the time I knew that she was being cremated elsewhere........ my siblings never told me where they scattered either me father or me mother....... so I cant even asked them WHY...... maybe thats why I go and talk to me matie Tina.. ya know, the Tina from the RudeMan post a few back :)...

Non of this will make sense to anyone but me...... its all stacked high in me head........ its all stored...... its all clear....... every single thing......every story.... every beating...... every cruel act....... just now, there will never be answers......but like other things that have happened in life, I try not to dwell on it, or I would go bonkers lol..... it was what it was at the time that it was........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM.....

Anyways MrP, SilverValley and InlandEmpireGirl's mum is gonna adopt me, in exchange for a jar of marmite :) - wooooo hooooooo I get to hang with the crowd lol..... :)

Sorry....... just Twaddling a load of old bollocks........

On a lighter note.......

Did you know that also today May 31, in 1678 Coventry, England commemorates the naked ride of Lady Godiva through the town in a protest of taxes. Her husband, Leofric, was an earl and very involved in building projects. To get the money, he did what most politicians do--he raised taxes. Lady Godvia ( 990?--1067 ) felt pity for the people and nagged Leofric about his oppressive taxes. To shut her up, he promised to lower taxes if she rode naked through Coventry. His lovely wife accepted the challenge and went on her ride clothed only in her long hair. People were supposed to keep doors and windows shut and most did but Tom, the tailor, bored a hole in his shutters to sneak a peek. He became known as Peeping Tom but did pay for his curiosity when he was struck blind. He never forgot her beauty and talked about the charms of Lady Godiva to his dying day.

Ok I licked and sticked that last paragraph from 'The Scribbler's Pen's Blob' but he dont come here so wont know lol and what he dont know wont kill him :).....

I might go out tonight and find me a horse and ride bum naked around me village lol....... me hair is not quite shoulder length so I will have to cover up with combing me hairy armpits to hid my embarrassment LOL....or comb up me unshaved legs ;) - hey Im European lol...

ok....... this post might self destruct in 20 minutes....... or once Ive had me dinner, and at just gone 8pm Im bloody starving.....



Twaddle over........ x

Blobbing All Began With Eric - Im Gonna Well Miss Him....

OK............ What you have to remember is that maybe just over a year ago, I had no idea even what a blob was..... ya see, I aint that computer 'on the ball'..... this is how thick I use to be (some will say I still am)..... Chatrooms as such in the UK have been shut down, the government shut them to protect our children from the peds that frequented the places..... but before they shut down, my Sam who was then 13-14 use to go into a music chatroom and chat about music (he is one of me drummer sons), I use to sit with him sometimes and he would say, mum, ya dont EVER give out any personal info...... or where ya live, these people in this chatroom think Im a black 16 year old hiphopper from Brixham ...... LOL....... I also thought that cos we had a microphone that these people could actually hear us LMFAO so I use to whisper when I asked him something..... ok ok but this was all new technology to me.......

Anyways, what Im getting at is that I was, to be honest, a right bloody computer dinlo....... so a 'then' friend that I use to IM with use to lick and stick posts from different blobs that the friend use to visit..... Bobs and Peanuts blobs... and I was told that Peanut use to live near me when living in England...... so after a while I asked for the link to these blobs...... well first of, Bobs Blob, I just couldnt understand hardly a single word he typed or what commenters typed lol, cos they all typed funny, almost like a foreign language.......and then through Bobs place I learnt to click around and I found the DINGLEBERRIES SITE and although it was a local site in the States I LOVED it..... and I did get a bit of a hard ride to begin with, but it all settled down.... so my world of reading blobs had begun.......

And I have made some wonderful, hopefully lifetime maties....... YOU know who I am talking about..... yeah you bloody lot ;)...

I put a comment/post up on the Dingleberries site and was asked why I hadnt a blob of me own....

*DFO: Marmitetoasty, can you explain why you don't have a blob? This is a hoot...*

And badgering from other maties like JBelle, MrGreen, PT, Susan, Peanut and a few more pushed me into the writting world of blobbing........ I know this aint a classy blob, it aint intellectual, its filled with bad grammar, bad spelling, its not an informational site, it dont do insightful poems its just a load of Twaddle.......

I never considered me post a hoot, it was just something that happened one evening lol

So this is the post that started it all...... and then I will tell you about Eric..... :( cos Im gonna well miss him....

*Me today/this evening not 30 minutes ago on the phone to me plumber/central heating matie.....

Me - Gordon, thank goodness your in.... can you come round its life or death.....

Gordon - Mel, calm down, whats happened to the boys....

Me - deep breath, its not the boys Gorden its Eric... please please can you come round now.....

Gordon - calm down Mel and tell me whats happened, talk to me on me mobile whilst I come round... what on earths up and WHO THE HELL IS ERIC...

Me - Eric is our 14 inch mean lean biting machine Bose Lizard....we saved him from a neglectful home about 3 weeks ago, he was real mean but he loves us now and dont bite that much, well he did bite Jacobs lip and I thought he would need stitches but he didnt...

Gordon - You named a Lizard Eric? .... tut tut tut giggles...

Me - its not funny Gordon... its life and death...

Gordon - ok Mel, calm down, whats going on.....

Me - Eric escaped last night and we thought he was in me bedroom, so I didnt sleep all night thinking he would crawl up on me bed and eat me face whilst I slept...... but Eric was not actually in me bedroom, we have just found him wedge tight stuck behind the radiator in one of me lads bedrooms..... I tried to take the radiator off the wall, and there is water everywhere...and Eric is STILL stuck... help

Gordon - please tell me you turned the water off first..... ok Im outside ya house, open the door...

Me - ya have to turn the water off when ya unscrew one little radiator? anyways its not off the wall proper and Eric is still stuck and if we dont get him out and under the heat lamp he will surely die...

Gordon - Mel, put the phone down and open the bloody front door.... giggles..

Mel - glad your finding this funny Gordon, cos Im sure Eric aint...

by this time water is pouring out the radiator and through the ceiling down into the room below....and Eric is wedged tight, even poking him with a hockey stick didnt help...

Gordon turned the water off and within 3 minutes the radiator was off the wall and Eric retrieved and shoved back into his tank.... baggy, sad and not happy.... BUT ALIVE....

Gordon - Mel.... why is your house always a mad house...... god woman you make me smile..... you wait until I tell Ruth (his wifey my best friend) ..... she will laff and tell the whole village....

Who needs friends like them aye? :)

Just thought I would bore ya with me evening - sorry just twaddling here...
x

22 Feb 11:36 AM***



This is my Jacob holding Eric....

That was back in Febuary.......... ya see Eric was a rescue Bose Monitor Lizard thingie..... I DONT do those sort of animals in me house...... but, this lizard needed loving lol........ so Eric came to live with us........ since Febuary Eric has shed his skin and grown and grown and is fairly big now........ we get him out of his housing and he is quite tame, he does have sharp claws though so its best to wear gloves....... he can be snappy when feeding...... we feed him dead white mice, which my Tom keeps in an ice-cream tub in he freezer.......

Cos Eric was getting bigger by the week, we felt a little sorry for him stuck in his cage thingie for hours, and lizards NEED to walk around and exercise to keep their bones strong and formed....... so I came up with a solution........ *big smilie face*...... we could let him have the run of the bathroom for a little while each day to get his exercise....... which was great until someone forgot he was in there would open the door to go to the loo and Eric would make a dash for it out onto the landing and into one of the bedrooms where we would spend the best part of a hour trying to get him out........ life with Eric is never boring....... he loves the bath, so we would let him have a swim each week in the bath....... no bubbles of course and no rubber duckie and squirtie whale.....

Well *sad face* Eric left us yesterday.......... he didnt die, I dont mean that kinda left..... but we had decided that Eric needed a bigger home to live in, he was cooped up most of the day in his tank thingie which he was rapidly outgrowing....... so we decided to find a new bigger home for him, as we really dont have room for an 8 foot tank thingie..... gawds sake, do you know how tiny me house is...... so we put him on the internet and yesterday this well strange couple drove 90 miles to come and see Eric....... ya see, we had to suss them out...... we didnt want Eric going to just any loon.... they had to pass the Eric Test........ and even though these people were a tad 'strange' they are well into snakes and lizards etc and so knew what they was talking about, so we felt safe that Eric was not going to end up on a BBQ or cut up and made into Earrings and sold in pagon shops up north...... strange lot those northerners......

Last night just before bed, I thought I would check me emails and maybe this 'strange couple' were not so strange after all....... cos they had taken the time to email me some photos of Eric in his new 8 foot home, he looked so happy..... he was smiling.....I was crying......... he had a new family to love him....... ERIC IM SO GONNA MISS YOU..... keep in touch Eric, maybe a postcard or a crimbo card..... we will never forget you....

But, I'll tell ya one thing...... I sure aint gonna miss going to the freezer to get ice-cream and finding dead white mice in the tubs ;)....



He looks happy right?



This is Eric saying 'I miss you Mel' LOL

I know I shouldnt get so attached to creatures, but its just the way I am...... I do it with humans to LOL so BEWARE.......

Way way to much Twaddle for a Tuesday morning....I know.... x

ps........ DONT get me wrong, we LOVED Eric....... but, we aint stupid, we flogged him for 50 quid ($100) lol ...... I mean, money is money right :)

It All Started With A Dead Badger...... Gross Content....

Ok...........Me apologies NOW for this post, and if you are squimish you should read no more....... But you have to understand that me and me maties have real SICK senses of humour...and we can not change the people we are, I know I cant anyways...... we can laff at the most on the edge things that others would look in horror at.......... we can laff at the most aweful things...... because without laughter in life, how can one recharge ones batteries.........

So, yesterday. I picked me matie Sharon up (cos I have the 8 seater car) and we headed out toward Wickham to this well posh garden centre..... we both needed some 'mud' as she calls it...... gawds I mix with such peasents lol.... and just wanted to get out, and this Garsons Garden Centre is great, but so very expensive, cos it has not only a huge plant section but an aquactic place and a place with bunnys and rats and guinea pigs and things, so its great also for the little ones.........

So many things about yesterday seemed to have a link to each other, it was real strange.......

So, I pick her up and we have to go bunkers hill way and through what we call 'the back Dead Badger lanes'....... different lanes to the other ones and this is a bit further out........ well over the past year, everytime we have driven this particular lane/road, and Ive been with me matie Sharon......... we are GUARANTEED to see a badger..... a DEAD badger at the side of the road......... almost every time......... but ya see, its well strange..... cos badgers aint that common, and its very rare to see one at all......so we always think, how come we always see so many of the creatures dead...... and only ever on this same road, nowhere else............but we have this theory, well I do, she just laffs at me about it and says Im mental........ ya see...... I really think its the same badger...... and someone during the night over the weeks, carts it around and leaves it at a different part of the lane....... sometimes its up near Firgrove cottages and sometimes in on the bend that leads to Boarhunt..... I so believe that we have these 'badger dragger arounders' that sneak out in the night and move the badger around, just to mess with our head........... me matie said yesterday as we discussed this issue yet again.... that by now the badger would be decayed so it CANT be the same badger.......but Im not so sure........ it was spookie for a time though cos a few weeks ago when I was dropping something off at Sharons one evening, as we looked out the front window just as it was getting dark, a bloody badger walked by LMFAO........ omg omg...... I looked at sharon who looked at mark who looked at me....... quick mark said (he was being mean) go ask where its going at this time of night.......... so I just reply....... dont be stupid mark, its going to the bus stop to catch the 45A back into town ......... OK ya just had to be there.......

So where this story is leading....... well, yesterday while driving down the back lane towards Boarhunt, I mentioned that me doodle maties seem to like the pictures of our world, and I also said that I had seen this heron out near worlds end last week......... so she said....... they have different wildlife to us, so lets see if we can spot anything and take pictures of our British wildlife....... ok I said, even if its a dead badger........ jebus we was laffing.........

Its a sign ya know, cos when we got to this garden centre..... which by the way is so expensive we only buy a few things but take LOADS of cuttings *wink wink say no more*....... there standing next to the door was this...............



Im sure its a sign..... I looked at me matie and she looked at me and we both said.... a bloody heron and burst out laffing......... it was this plastic most aweful tackie thing ever lol.....and if someone bought this for their garden they needed to be shot.....

So we put some plants in our trolley...... which had 2 nippers in it and one in a buggy and 2 walking..... we had somehow lifted, with much laffing cos they was well heavy, 2 bags of 'mud' and 4 'growbags' in and under the trolley, had a bag full of cuttings and then thought it would be nice to finish by having a butchers around the inside part with the gifts etc and then go in the farm shop and buy something nice for lunch...... so envisage the scene..... we balanced Charlie on the bags of mud cos he had wandered off and we had lost him, only to find him climbing in with the rabbits - but thats another story - we push this loaded trolley with kids and plants and mud and a buggy through the gift section, where Sharon, who was pushing the trolley and needs learner plates, sort of brushed past this shelf full of these expensive glass vase things and the corner of one of the bags of mud clipped the shelf which came crashing down......... LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG OMG ....... I was creased up laffing so hard, her face was so funny......... shit, shit, shit she is saying....... this bloke and his wife was giggling, so I says, I dont know what your laffing at, giggling meself, but we are gonna say you did it LMFAO........ it was just so funny, the crash was so loud that 2 members of staff came running..... we all just stood there...... I was pointing at this other couple while laffing and saying, they done it,and they was pointing at us while laffing and saying it was them....... just so funny....... I think ya needed to be there....... and then the woman at the check out had NO sense of humour.....so Im glad we nicked so many cuttings :)....... so Im a thief, sue me :) but remember I have Starr and Sharkie on me side lol

We load the car with much laffing, cos these huge bags of mud was well heavy for us to get in the car, and this couple of blokes was just standing there laffing instead of helping... tossers... :)

On the drive back I said, ok, lets look for British wildlife..... ok ok the chances of seeing anything but maybe a bunny in a field was slim lol

On the back Boarhunt road which is more a B road and not quite a lane, I put me foot down and Im speeding along when all of a sudden Sharon shouts....... WILDLIFE TO THE RIGHT........ me peering out the window cant seen nuffin in the field..... STOP she shouts..... drive on the wrong side of the road and I will take a picture and SLOW DOWN...... so I cross the middle lines and crawling along I spot what she sees....... NOW I did warn you we are sick...... and this is gross..... Im sorry........ British wildlife on the back Boarhunt road at is best.....



We think it might be a relative of Phylis, who was a pheasant that we run over last year...... I did say we are sick right? but we was laffing, and I had to swerve back to the right side cos there was a tractor heading straight towards us....... me matie said, there, your doodle friends will love our picture of wildlife :) sod them and their bears and mooses LMFAO...... the tears were rolling down me face.....

Off we head again and not 100 metres up the road I say......... wildlife to the left and I do an emergency stop and Sharon hangs out the window and takes this picture for you, you my special doodle friends :).........



We think this one is a rabbit..... cos it was to small to be a fox...... and it most certainly was not our badger cos we was on the wrong road.......

Sick, I tell ya...... I even commented that if me doodle maties were in the back of me car witnessing us, they would NOT be me maties no more.... they would cringe at the things we laff at........ but you see, this all sort of tied in with everything....... it was a sign......

Just before we had to turn off the Boarhunt Road onto the other back lane which we now call Dead Badger Lane for obvious reasons........ we both spot something big up ahead...... something really British........ well proper wildlife........ by now there are a queue of cars behind us so I indicate and stop so they can pass, and then slowly crawl forwards towards the wildlife, almost stalking, I didnt wanna scare it away......... as we passed it I almost gagged..... and Sharon screamed STOP STOP...... I said....... we cant....... she said..... we bloody well can...... so I stopped and she hands me the camera and says 'get out and take a picture'....get stuffed, I says, it stinks, I can smell it from here....gagging we both was.... so she leaps out the car laffing... LOL......... gawds sake....... she is gagging now to but as she said, it has to be shared lol......... so I give you....... our best find of the day............



Do you know, that over here, if you knock down a deer, you are NOT allowed to put it in your car and take it home....... but the next person that comes along is allowed........ aint that strange....... so if you are the one that hits it and kills it then you have to by law leave it by the side of the road...... and if someone else comes along and wants to take it home to eat they legally can......

We had a boot full of mud and the deer would not of fitted in me car......... IM JOKING there is no way I would of touched that little bambi....... I wanted to go bury it but me matie told me to 'get a bloody life'.........

So I apoligise if this post has grossed you out, Im sorry if you think me sense of humour is not normal or so different from many.......... Im sorry if I have now lost you as friends, commenters, or lurkers.........

I think ya just had to be there........... cos my sides ached so much for the rest of the day........ and if truth be told........ I needed it........ cos today I will not be smiling........

Hope I aint lost any of ya........ but if I ave, then........ does it look like Im bovvered, cos I am what I am....... gross..... sick...... daft....... but just me......

Way to much sick Twaddle for a hot Friday......... x

What A Tosser He Was...... I Lost Me Cool And Was Rude....

Ok......... so Thursday found me subcontracting out most of me daytime nippers for reasons I wont do into on here, which just left me with before school and after school nippers and little Sprite during the day...... So after doing all the school runs, I had a drive to the next village.... ya see, its a proper village compared to here, ya know, a 'Postman Pat Village' as me lads call it...... ALL old, no new builds most 200-500 year old houses etc..........

Ya have to be well posh and a tad weathly to live there....... its quaint and sweet and beautiful and delightful, but many of the people are well stuck up their own arse tossers, not all of them you understand ........ which is ok, each to their own, but they do tend to think they are better then anyone that aint from 'their village'.........



View from Speltham Hill driving into Hambledon...

Anyways....... its a beautiful little village and driving the back lanes its only about 8 minutes away....and ya come down into the village via Speltham Hill.... and I neededed to go and see me matie there....... well she aint there in body cos she is dead, she died a couple of years ago, but I thought I would take some flowers and go sit with her in the beautiful little churchyard where she is buried....... I just needed a chat......... Ive had an horrendous week or so...... and she was the only person in the world that really knew ME......... anyways.......

The little church has stood in the centre of this beautiful real proper village for 1000 years, yes a thousand years, so much history, so many tales to tell...... where as our beautiful church in our village is only 125 years old...... I was married there and all 4 of my sons were christened into The Church Of England in our little church, but I no longer wish to be buried here....... anyways Im off track......

So I park outside the well proper tiny village stores, cos I think, I'll buy me little bunch of flowers local, as me matie Tina LOVED this village and was very active in the church here..... so I actually parked dead outside the door of the little shop........ ya have to live in this village of Hambledon about 30 years before you can be considered a local LOL....... unless ya have pots of dosh then its a different matter lol........ there are some well famous people living there in the little hamlet, and there are some local famous people that live there that THINK they is well real famous, but in actual fact they are like famous for our local news programmes etc.......... can you see where this is leading lol......



I took this through me windscreen of me car lol hence ya can just see the orange and mauve cat that sits in the corner to keep me tax disc in place.....

Ya see, no matter where I go, and with whom, whether Im on me own or with me maties, something ALWAYS happens...... I can be minding me own business and I get dragged into something or other...........

So, I pick out a sweet little bunch of flowers from out the front of the shop and go inside to pay, knowing that they have someone that bakes this well nice plum bread, so I grabs a slab of that and a bunch of bananas so that I would have something to munch whilst sitting in the graveyard chatting to me matie....... well in this tiny little shop there was 3 tinie weenie little bent double old people in front of me all with their regulation wicker shopping baskets and hunter wellies and moleskinned collared waxed hunting jackets..... the shop is so tiny that the post office part is only about 5 foot wide and this little postlady sits on a stool behind the counter lol...... so there I stand with me plum bread, bananas and a bunch of flowers balanced in one hand and Sprite tucked like a bag of spuds under me other arm lol...... with these 3 dear old folks in front of me....chit chatting away like ya do in local shops with the woman behind the counter, blimey I had stood there about 10 minutes whilst listening to all their news of births and deaths and whose got corns and whose got gout, but its ok, I have all morning, and this might be the only time of day that these old folk get to see anyone....... so juggling sprite so as I dont drop her I just stand and wait me turn..........

scene is set........

DING DING..... the little bell over the door dings and this bloke flies into the shop at a rate of knots, grabs a newpaper, grabs a bottle of milk and some plum bread....... so give him his dues he has taste lol...... and proceeds to barge his way past everyone in the queue to the front..... by then the first little old lady had finished and was walking out the shop...... so that left me and 2 old folks infront of me...... well....... this bloke was bang out of order......... so me being me and a gobbie cow...(Why didnt I just mind me own business)..... this is the conversation that happened in Hambledon Village Shoppe.....

Me: - Oye, excuse me matie, cant you see these ladies are before you and you should join the back of the queue (meaning behind me).....

Rude Man: - Well, I am in a hurry and I need to get to work.....

Me: - Well, hurry or not, it gives you no right to barge infront of these people..... the least you could of done was to of asked if anyone would mind you going first....

With that I reckonise who the tosser was....... he is a local celebrity off the telly...... been around for nigh on 30 years lol...... a news presenter on a local programme about local events etcs........ I will withold his name incase he can trace me and do me lol.... even though I have Sharkie and Starr as solicitor maties lol

Rude Man: - DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM.......talking to me not 2 foot from me face......(oh how I wanted to headbut him lol)...

Me: (Putting Sprite on the floor now cos I thought this might come to blows lol)..... yes I know full well who you are, actually you interviewed me 30 years ago on South Today that you use to present on the telly.....

And he really did, when I use to play soccer, our team had to go to the telly studios for an interview when we was in a top cup match....... I will say, age has NOT mellowed the man lol

Rude Man: - Oh so you reckonise me then........

Me: - Yes, you was just as rude back then all those years ago.......

Rude Man: - So you know Im Fred ......

And just as he was about to say his last name I said....

Me: - Flintstone.....

Rude Man: - Oh so we have a smartarse here do we.......

Me: - No, actually you have someone waiting in a queue with these fine people in front of me waiting our turn to buy our bits and bobs......

Rude Man: - But Im Fred (~~~~~) and Im in a hurry and I live here which is more then I can say for you........

Me: - Once a tosser always a tosser aye Fred ...... I wonder why ya never made it onto national telly and ya only stayed regional...... (Big Smile).....

Rude Man: - HOW DARE YOU........ who do you think you are......

Me: - Fred I am someone with class and morals and I dont have to live here to acquire them .........

Two little old ladies giggling..... and winking at me...... Sprite has crawled to the back of the shop and had all the spuds all over the floor lol

Rude Man: - Well can I go in front or not.......

Me: - Not.......

With that Fred stomped out the shop muttering well rude things and bloody near slammed the door off its hinges..........

Two little old ladies bloody cheered LMFAO.......... and one said...... what a jumped up no one that Fred is....... thank you for making us smile ......

Well I ask you......... I aint usually normally so rude........ but he just about took the biscuit....... I thought he had steam coming out of his ears.......... DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM MY ARSE...... what a tosser.......

The lady behind the counter said she was not going to charge me for the flowers :) as long as I picked up all the spuds that sprite was lobbing all over the shop lol

Me thinks many more people should speak up a little more and not be afraid of jumped up tossers :)

Anyways, I took me flowers and spent a lovely hour in the churchyard having a chat with me matie....... ok ok so ya fink Im crazy.... but ya dont know me.... so I aint bovvered what ya think.........

On the way back I found this lovely little barn that I aint discovered before.... just nestled on the side of one of the back lanes....





Isnt it just lovely......do you have thatched buildings over in the states?

And then I drove to Worlds End, a little hamlet where when I was married we had our little plant nursery..... me maties lives in the same lane as the nursery so I popped in for a cuppa tea.....



Yep, see there really is a hamlet called Worlds End......

Oh I forgot...... on the way to Worlds End, which is only like 4 minutes from Hambledon I drove past this little pond and there standing in the pond was a Heron, yep a real Heron, so I did an emergency stop in the middle of the lane, leapt out me car with me camera, but the bugger fly off...... but you can just make him out above the tree line..... I know its a tad dark but to me it was well exciting lol can you imagine what I would be like if I saw a real moose or a bear LOL



Just look at how big that Heron is..... I was well chufted... I will go back and see if I can spot him in the pond again..... we found a dead Heron once up our plant nursery, someone had shot it, how sad...... we buried the body but I kept the head..... ya know, for the skull lol...... it was in the garden rotting away and me cat grabbed it and ran off with it, we never did find it lol....

I feel I let meself down a little on Thursday, I was rude to the man...... but I consider it was the right thing to do....... but then Im just a gobbie old cow and should know better........ see, Im always shouting out for the underdogs....... next time I will wear me pants over top of me trousers and be a real super hero LOL......

ok enough boring Twaddle for a Sunday Evening........... xx

Knackered Beyond Belief.......

Ok........... Im well cross with meself, for a few reasons........ but one being that after working 11 hours yesterday and then doing the trampoline run, even though it was NOT my turn, cos I have done the last 3 weeks, but me matie whose turn it was, said she was tired and had things to do and dinner to cook, so as not to let Jacob and Aimie down, I held me tongue and did the trampoline run, even though I was exhausted, and there are two parents in me maties house and it wouldnt of hurt her hubby to do the run, and like I aint got dinner to cook and things to do......... so to say I was a little miffed and was taken for granted is an understatement....... anyways.......... so after 11 hour working day, I then did the trampoline run, then came home and cooked a real late dinner, then my Sam rang and asked if I could go out and pick him up from his girlfriends house, by then it was gone 11......

On the way to picking Sam up I clipped the kerb with me big car and then it spun round and the drivers side smashed into the bloody bollard in the middle of the road....... and these bollards have only been installed last month and run by solar power to light them during the night........ so me lovely newish car has a bleedin great dent in it and I have a bump on me head the size of a golf ball where me head hit the side window lol

The car is gonna cost me in excess of $600 plus........ just cos I was bloody tired..... oh well...... dont know why Im moaning about it, cos I live my life always tired, and the pain from me knee and the fear of me appointment next week is stopping me from sleeping more then about 3 hours a night......... and I even forgot me doctors appointment yesterday........and now I will not have time to go see me doc before I get to see the consultant next week......

Me job is knackering at the best of times..... I had this little lot turn up just gone 7 this morning...... had to sort them out all different breakfasts while shouting up the stairs to get my 4 up for work and college and school..... Jebus..... so ya can see why I CANT pull a sickie from work LOL



This is just me Wednesday morning crew....... I drop some off for school and some off to preschool and then pick up 3 more on the way, it being a Wednesday.......and then I had 8 nippers after school ........

Each day I have different kids, I mean the main bulk of them is the same but everyday there are different ones tagged on either before, during, or after school.......all with different needs, a few with special needs that need extra attention...



This is often me after school crew but more often with others tagged on and the odd one dropped.......



This was a few weeks ago when we had one morning of snow lol.......

Im good at my job, I know I am....... Im different at my job then most....... I do things with me nippers that others wouldnt dream of.......... I have to teach to a certain standard that holds my qualifications..... no longer is it all play and fun..... but I try to make the learning fun........ I have to love and nurture these precious children and help guide and encourage them, because I have some of them 11 hours a day.... how else will they learn love and morals and have dreams and fun and laffs and cuddles and hugs .........

Ellis made me cry today......... I talk non stop on the way to the infant school drop off....... and I laff and joke and tease all the way to school and Ellis who is almost 4 said....... Mel you is a right lunatic and I love you, you picklehead LOL...... I say things to them that others wouldnt dream of....... like...... when Jon was being a pain in the arse....... ok Jon, if ya carry on ya know what Im gonna do? ....... no Mel what *cheeky grin*......... Jon, Im gonna peg ya on the washing line by ya ears and spin it round til ya sick....... to which the other nippers laff and giggle and Jons just says............ oh Mel..... like I believe that LOL........ these kids know me sooooooo well........ I think they love me, I try to be a memory maker to them all........ I try........ as tired as I am....... I try and give them my all......... I hope its enough......











And when the last of me nippers have left at 6pm...... its time then to sort this mob out here and sort grub and do the running around with clubs etc..........

Would I change me job for the world............. YOU BET THE BLOODY HELL I WOULD lmfao......... one day my prince will come..... LOL

So endith me moaning groaning whining grizzling pussypissing whinging post........its just cos Im tired and totally exhausted right? lol

So when I say Im knackered, it dont mean Im just a tad tired...... it means Im BLOODY WELL KNACKERED BEYOND BELIEF :)

now thats what ya call a load of bollocks and a bucket full of Twaddle........

x

Gawds Sake.... Questions Questions... Dont You Know Im Well Private....

Ok......... First of all I would like to fank Cis for giving me a Blob Thinkers Award lol....... blimey I aint never even won a raffle before........ I dont understand how anyone could think me blob makes ya think :)....... think about jumping into a raging river maybe lol..... anyways, fanks Cis...... but I cant pass it on cos most I know have already been tagged and the others well wouldnt be arsed to participate lol..... it was a lovely thought from you.... xXx

So....... SilverValleyGirl also tagged me to spill 7 private or interesting things about me..... well, I aint got anything interesting to spill...... but I will have a go at spilling 7 things that will bore ya to tears.....

1. For 9 years I use to play womans football, so all those people that think womans football (soccer) is a new concept then they is way behind the times........ I played at local level from when I was 13 until I was 22....... during that time I played for me county and got choosen to attend England trials......I hitchhiked to London for the first set of trials and got through..... but as I was still living at home at the time, and me parents took most of me earnings off me, I couldnt afford the train fair to get up to Liverpool for the second set of trials, so I was gonna leave the day before the trials and again hitchhike up to Liverpool to partake in a 'dream'....... but me mum not only turned me alarm clock off but she hid me football boots..... she was not a nice person........ so I let the dream slide..... in all the 9 years of playing football my parents had never once seen me play....

A few years ago when my lads played for our local village team, we hold a football fun day for all the families of the kids with matches and competitions... NO ONE KNEW that I use to play football, and some of the blokes thought it would be a laff to play against a handful of us mums....... big mistake buddy lol..... I ran rings around them, the look on their faces was priceless..... I scored a 20 yard goal and as I turned around in me victory salute, I snapped the acruciate and posterior ligaments that keep ya knee together LOL... 2 years of ops and physo was sooooooo worth the look on those blokes faces when me goal went in........ :)......

2. I have two little tattoos....... one above each ankle........ I LOVE em...... they are only tiny.... and seeing as I mostly always wear jeans not many people even know I have them....... and its not like me legs are like 'legs eleven' and always draped around someones neck lol



This one is just above me left ankle, I hope you can work out what it is lol its a little cartoon leaping frog :)...



This one is me little bumble bee which is just above me right ankle........ and they aint no ones business but mine, so I aint bovvered if YOU like tats or not, these are mine and mine alone....

Jebus, dont I twaddle on lol

3. I LOVE white chocolate..... its the best thing that has ever been invented....thats British or Belguim white chocolate NOT that fake white stuff we tried whilst in the states....... I also LOVE pomegranites :).....

4. I have a 9 foot cactus in me kitchen, I nicked a 1 inch cutting from Keydell garden centre 24 years ago...... and I loved and nurtured that cutting until it has grown to be 9 foot tall..... it stands in me kitchen in a old red antique fire bucket that I saved from being dumped that was a part of our old flint school before it was turned into a community centre.....

5. I have double jointed thumbs...... I can hold me thumbs and twist and turn them round like its a spoon and Im stirring me cuppa tea lol.......... I also have 4 silver bangles from the Libyan silver market that I have had on me left wrist for nigh on 20 years....... the only way I could get them on was to dislocate me double jointed thumb........ those babies aint never coming off....... a few years ago my Ben bought me the most beautiful twisted silver bangle for me right wrist....... dam that bangle was to small to get on........ so again I had to dislocate the other thumb to get it on...... but it was worth it lol......... I will be buried with these bangles on........ a doctor once said he would cut the bangles on me left wrist off when he thought I had broken me arm and needed an xray...... I said no way no how....... work round it lol....... :) good job I was stubborn cos NO broken arm.....

6. I LOVE being outdoors more then anything in the world....... I LOVE sitting by the ocean, I LOVE going in the woods..... I LOVE nature and all it holds..... I dont mind getting wet or muddy or cold or soaked through to me knickers......I love being up high on a hill and looking down at the world........ I love walking in the dark late at night when everyone else sleeps........

Jebus this is hard lol

7. When I started school, I was left handed..... but my father said that he was not going to have a freak as a child, so everytime I would pick something up with me left hand or reach for a pencil he would hit me and make me use me right hand......once he stamped on me left hand and broke 2 of me fingers so that I couldnt actually use it for a while.....

Now as an adult and to be honest even back then - remember I was stubborn - I use both hands....... I do write righthanded but I do many other things with me left hand...... :)

OK thats ya peep into parts of me that others dont usually get to see.......... told ya its not interesting.........

and thats way more then enough Twaddle for a wet windy Sunday......x

Stuff Me Like A Trout And Smack Me With A Kipper - Ive Had Enough Of Bloody Fish

Ok............ in this room, sort of behind the computer is an arch way, that peeps through into me kitchen, ya see it use to be a window to the little yard out the back, but when I designed me kitchen extension, it went across the back of this little house so the window then became a hole on the inside of the house, so it was turned into a little open archway, not down to ground level but still at window height, it bought welcome light into, what would otherwise be a very dark little middle room...........

Anyways, for years and years we have had a fish tank in the arch on the shelf bit, and cos its double sided ya can see it from both this room and from the kitchen.... well it aint had fish in it for a few years, cos they kept snuffing it and I was fed up with spending loads of dosh on tropical fish........

We kept well expensive little red lobsters in it once, and I mean expensive.... except the little red sods climbed up the heater wire and out the little hole at the back where the wires poke though for the pump etc....... I found me cat chewing on something and when I grabbed the cat, I found it was only munching on me expensive little red lobsters...... Jebus, that cat has expensive taste, and the bloody lobsters shouldnt of tried to escape..... so you can see why I stopped spending any more on fish etc...

But last weekend, my Jacob asked me, that if he cleaned the skankie tank out, could we please get some more fish....... so I said ok.... but only cold water fish, no more topical ones for a while........ DEAL he said....... So last Saturday found us down the Aquarium shop buying a new pump and the gravel stuff and a new light.... Jebus, it all had to be replaced........ anyways with my help on Sunday, we set it all back up, with instructions from the bloke in the fish shop, to, run the pump for a week to 10 days, then come back with a sample of water and he will test it etc etc blah blah........

Well, by yesterday the water to us looked well clear :)....... so by my impatient reckoning, I thought why wait to buy fish right? just a few wouldnt hurt to like test it out right?...... and I could kill two birds/fish with one stone....... when I picked up the older nippers from school we could have a little education trip to the fish shop and they could all pick out one each...... and also help weigh out and mix Janets food.. right? good idea or what? ya see, some of these nippers aint never been in a fish shop before or weighed out chicken food LOL.....

So thats where we found ourselves at 3.45 yesterday, me, one baby and 7 other nippers in the fish shop........ Im sure some people thought all these kids were mine lol.....

So we picked up 3 zebra strip things(little) - 2 shubunkins - 2 black moors - and 2 gold things........ just as a test right....... just 20 quid ($40) and Im sure cold water fish survive anything, I mean they live in muddy ponds right?...... and then come the weekend, me and Jacob would shoot down to the other better fish place and get some of them fish that are well funny, you know the ones that look like they have their brains growing on the outside of their heads and the ones that have them great fat air filled cheeks......



This is the till receipt - see I aint fibbing lol :)

All the nippers were great, we came home carrying our goods with smiles and we plopped them into the fish tank......

Well first off one fish was already dead in the bag, but that might of been cos the baby grabbed the bag and squeezed it real hard in car lol....... but it was ok, cos the man in the shop said and I quote IF THEY DIE WITHIN 48 HOURS THEM YOU CAN BRING THEN BACK WITH THE RECEIPT AND WE WILL REPLACE THEM....... ya see he wouldnt know that Sprite had actually squeezed the life out of it........ anyways..... I digress....

So, we plop the fish into the tank, minus the dead one, when we realise that we have the pump set to high, cos as the fish swam near the pump outlet, there shot about 20 miles an hour in a jet of water and smashed into the end of the tank and then had to swim hell for leather to get out of the current lol........ so a few fiddles later all was well......... they seemed to be happy..... well they looked happy with little smiley faces...... swimming in and out of the weeds we bought....... and cos fish only have a very short memory, they would not remember that minutes before they were being shot through the water at a rate of knots.....

SOooooo all WAS good.......



This is a bad picture of the tank and some of the tester fish, you can see the back of me computer through the tank with me skankie cat sitting on the monitor lol....

The nippers parents came to pick their nippers up and all admired the fish, the nippers were all excited and pointing out the fish they had picked.... :)

So, I did dinner and then I had to take Jacob to his trampolining coaching........ so I had a few hours, sitting with me feet up reading me new book HEAVEN.....

We drove home, opened the back door, walked through into this middle room to be confronted with buckets and bowls and towels and dripping water EVERYWHERE........ OMG.......... WTF is going on here I shouted through the house.... much activity I could hear upstairs.....

Ya see, whilst I was out, my Tom had decided that since Stan our Praying Mantis had died the day before (which we fed to Eric) that he would set up Stans tank for fish, and had filled it with water etc and nicked a couple of our new fish to put in his tank....... he then tried to push a fully filled tank back onto his bedroom unit....... WHAT A PRATT .... the unit was NOT strong enough and the tank fell through the base and smashed ........ water gushed out everywhere, and the only place it could go was down..... yes down into THIS ROOM...... hence the buckets and bowls and towels..... and me 3 other lads had tried to soak up the mess....... so the carpet is now soaked as is Toms bedroom as is me first edition antique set of books........ but..... hey....... its only stuff and Im sure it will all dry........

So, I thought that was it......... that was the mad thing that had happened in the day....... yesterday........... ya see, NUFFIN in this mad house seems to EVER go right........ there is ALWAYS something that happens that aint normal.......


So this morning....... Colin, one of the dads, drops his 2 lads off and enquires if the fish survived over night........ Ive known Colin for over 3 years now and have had his lads for just over 2 years, so we know each others families real well....... this is this mornings convo with Colin..........

Colin: - So Mel, the fish survived then.... (he could see them swimming around)...

Me: - Well most did anyways.... but Tom's Tank smashed, hence me wet floor this morning....

Colin: - Well most? whats that mean?

Me: - Well, you know that Sprite squeezed one to death on the way back from the pet shop right? but Tom nicked a couple last night for his tank that smashed so he fed those 2 to Eric.... I dont know why he didnt just plonk them back into my tank.... but thats boys for ya...... well and one was missing....... AWL we thought.....

Colin: - Hang on Mel, how can you loose a fish in a tank....

Me: - Well, we looked and looked for it last night and Tom swore it was NOT one of the ones he nicked and then fed to Eric.......

Colin: - So you found it?...

Me: - Yeah, it had somehow swam behind the pump, into the tiny gap between the pump and the glass...

Colin: - Oh, thats alright, just unsucker the pump from the glass and it will swim out...

Me: - To late for that...

Colin: - To late?

Me: - Well, we got it out this morning by other means..

Colin: - Other means? I dont understand...

Me: - Colin, I dont think the fish understood much either...

Colin: - (now looking puzzled) so how did you get it out...

Me: - It was an honest mistake Colin, I didnt intentionally mean to hurt it right?

Colin: - ok Mel, what have you done? ...

Me: - Well so me or Jacob didnt get wet with fish tank water I thought it would be a good idea just to poke something down between the pump and the tank and then the fish would think 'what the hell' and would swim out.....

Colin: - Good idea..... sooooooooo?

Me: - Well the fish died.......

Colin: - Died? .... well you can take it back and get the money back, obviously not for the ones that Eric ate, and not for the one that Sprite squeezed to death that you then flushed down the loo ;) - but you did say the man said if they died within 48 hours he would replace or give you the money back...

Me: - I dont think he will give me the money back for this one, cos I cant really take it back...

Colin: - Why? did you flush it down the loo....

Me: - No, look its here.... - I bend down to the floor near the tank and pick up the fish......

WITH THAT COLIN LAFFS AND LAFFS AND LAFFS......

Me: - Colin, its not funny, actually its really sad...

Colin: - sad, SAD OMG OMG I DARE you to take it back and ask for the money back..... (laffing now almost uncontrolably)...

Me: - I dont think he will believe me that it had died of natural causes......

Colin: - I think I am scared to leave my children with you LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....... god Mel....... just bloody god Mel..... whats with you.... gawds sake......

He left his lads and walked out the back door, stepping over Janet and giggling ....... I do not think thats was nice of him...

Ya see, I did think it was a good idea to try and poke the fish down between the gap, only all I could find that was thin enough to fit between the glass and the pump was a kebab stick......... :( well, when I poked, the kebab stick went right through the body of the fish, impaling it, and the more I tried to wiggle it off the more it got impaled..... and I had no choice but to pull the pump off the suckers to try and save the fish that was now half way up the kebab stick (they are proper bamboo ones ya know).........

:( but alas the fish died.......... I dont think I am going to have much luck with fish...... what do ya reckon......

Way to much Twaddle for a Wednesday x

They Laffed And Called Me A Bloody Loon - Dam Blokies

Ok........... What you have to understand is that I do NOT have a doorbell on me little house, if someone knocks on me door and Im out the back or in the kitchen, they would be standing there all day, cos I NEVER hear anyone knocking the door unless Im in me little lounge..... but maties know, as does me Postie and Jim the bloke that delivers me pet food on a Friday (yes we have a blokie with van that delivers any amount or food to me door, no delivery charge)... to just come around the back and either hammer on the back door or as Jim does, just knock and open the door..... or if I aint in just leave whatever stuff they have on me back step......

But on Friday, I grabbed Sprite (the baby I childmind) and was on me way out the front door when I heard it knock........ Goodness, not only was Jim standing there with me cat food and me bird stuff (shame he dont sell dead white mice or live crickets), but me Postie Brian was also there with me post.......

Its well funny cos I made Brian me postie still post me letters through me letter box LOL with me door open....... :) I am so mean to Brian me Postie sometimes, but that will teach him for knocking me up some Saturday mornings when Im having a lay-in......

Anyways........... this is the weird conversation that went on with Jim (me pet food bloke) and Brian (me postie) and me...

Jim: - Oh Mel that was lucky I caught you, that will be six quid.....

Me: - Ok, let me go find some dosh....

Postie: - Oh looks like you have a letter from the states (he is soooo nosey).....

Me: - Gawds sake Brian, do ya wanna open it and read it for me?...

Postie: - Are you serious Mel?...

Me: - Brian, shut up now will ya, sometimes you are a right dinlo...

Jim: - Mel do you know you have some sort of wire dangling down the front of the house from the roof? only I didnt notice it last week (Jim and his Wifey have been me maties for nigh on 16 years)...

ALL THREE OF US STEP BACK FROM ME LITTLE FRONT DOOR TO STARE AT THIS DANGLY WIRE...



Me: - Oh yeah, I know...

Postie: - It looks a little dangerous to me...

Jim: - Mel, what is it?...

Me: - Oh, its the aerial wire for the telly...

Jim: - So whys it dangling down the front of the house like that and just hanging...

Postie: - Is it electrical? ...

Me: - Brian, dont be stupid, it goes to the telly aerial on the roof, its not plugged into the electric supply....... and Jim, its dangly there like that cos I cut it in the week...

Jim: - What do you mean you cut it?... why would you cut your telly aerial wire and leave it dangling like that?...

Me: - Brian, havent you got post to delivery... (trying to get rid of him cos I realised this convo was going downhill)...

Postie: - It can wait, Im intrigued...

Me: - ok OK.... in the week on the local news they said we was gonna be having thunder and lightening storms over night......

Jim: - Yes, and?...

Me: - Well me matie Mark (Sharons hubby) told me that sometimes in lightening storms the lightening can hit ya telly aerial, go down the wire and make ya telly explode in ya lounge and start a fire....he knows these things cos he is a proper Fireman...

Jim: - Only in very rare cases Mel..... so I think he was winding you up.......sooooooo, you did what?....

BOTH JIM AND ME POSTIE BRIAN NOW HAD THIS SORT OF SMURK ON THEIR FACES AND THEY KEPT LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND SMILING AND SHAKING THEIR HEADS.....

Me: - So, when it started to rain, ya know the night they said we was gonna have thunder and lightening, I reached out me bedroom window in the rain with me pruning shears and snipped the wire, that way, if the lightening hit me telly aerial, then it wouldnt carry on down the wire and blow me telly up and set me house on fire.....

POSTIE IS NOW ALMOST ROLLING AROUND ON THE PAVEMENT LAFFING HIS HEAD OFF and JIM IS DOING REAL LOUD BELLY LAFFS.....

Me: - WHATS so funny.....

Jim: - You are...... are you some sort of dinlo?

Me: - Jim thats not nice, I can always cancel me petfood order ya know...

Postie: - That is the funniest thing Ive heard all week...

Me: - Im serious, I'll just cancel me food order...

Postie: - Not that ya daft cow, the fact that you hung out ya bedroom window in the pouring rain and snipped ya telly aerial wire and now its just swinging there in the air... LMFAO... HAHAHAHAHAH (holding his sides while laffing)...

Jim: - You're serious Mel aint ya? you aint winding us up?

Me: - Well, Jim, its better to be safe then sorry...safety first and all that...

HUGE BELLY LAFFS FROM THE BOTH OF THEM...

Jim: - Its a shame I dont sell Straight Jackets cos I think you need HELP.... gawds sake woman.... are you a loon or what?

Me: - Well you just wait until the next storm, when the lightening hits your telly aerial and theres a fire....

Jim: - Oh yeah, of course I read about that daily in the newspaper.... Mel, just give me the 6 quid.....

Me: - Oh thats right, you both laff, just take the piss...... do either of you know how to join me wire back on cos the little telly now dont work with no aerial :)

Postie and Jim: - Bye Mel :) - BOTH WALKING AWAY SHAKING THEIR HEADS AND GIGGLING...

WHATS WITH THESE BLOKES......... DONT THEY KNOW NUFFIN..... how was I to know that Mark was just winding me up....... I so aint gonna tell him I cut me wire... he will laff and think Im a right bloody dinlo...which I aint, right?

So with that I put Sprite in the car and went to the market.... bloody daft blokes...



And yes, I do even have a cushion in me car with a chicken on it lol.... me Matie Wendy (not PT Wendy) made it for me birthday...

Enough Twaddle for a bright Sunday....

x

Brothers And Hair Clippers A Big NO NO....

OK............ so on the previous post there was a picture of my third son Sam.....ya know the cute kid with the curlie hair, he is now 17...thats him up there in that well cool photo in our park..... he is one of the funniest people I know..... his sense of humour can make me crease double.... he is a dare devil mad lad...... he is the most amazing skateboarder and knows no fear....... post to follow maybe another time about that thou......... he is also the most Bloody AMAZING drummer in a punk band called MFA(Miles From Anywhere) his gigs are packed and fun and I am his biggest fan..... anyways that to will be another post maybe....... he is studying at college (age 16-18) a BTec National Diploma in Music Technology..... he is in his first year of a 2 year course..... and if he does well he will earn enough points for a place at university should he decided to continue his education....... but that is NOT what this post is about........

You have to remember this is the son that for a bet for charity he allowed the girls at school to wax his eyebrows off...... oh my goodness have you EVER seen a lad with no eyebrows......... that was another time we just so laffed and laffed and we laffed even harder when he said he couldnt possibly go to school eyebrowless, so I drew them in with a magic marker perminent marker pen..... I am laffing just typing this LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......... so he went to school with drawn on thick black eyebrows LOL

So........ a couple of months back now, my Sam asked me to do his hair with the strimmers....... Sam has the most amazing hair styles some times, due mainly to me just 'having a go' ..... I will do a post of all his hair cuts soon........ anyways, so he wanted his mochican strimmed off just to a grade 2 all over....... so thats easy right? .......I gets the strimmers(clippers) out and he sits in the kitchen and I start to strim his locks ......... well it looked ok to me....... I mean with the strimmers and the same grade all over there aint much to go wrong, right? WRONG......

Well it didnt go wrong as such.....its just he was not happy about the way I had finished up the back and around his ears and me scissors was missing..... sooooooooooo BIG MISTAKE.......... he asked Tom (his next brother up) if he would tidy up around the ears and neck for him...........

What you have to understand is that all my sons are sort of mischievious and mess around with each other and wind each other up ALL the time......... so of course my Tom says..... of course Sam, I'll tidy ya hair up for ya...... ok what was about to happen was completely out of me control......... I did not partake in the following activity except for actually wetting my knickers through laffing so hard and so long.......I really truely did.....

Sam said, now Tom, do it well proper and dont mess about....... ....... so so funny....... so Sam sits again on the chair in the kitchen and Tom picks up the strimmers(clippers) and with that our Ben grabs Sam in a head lock and Tom proceeds to strim Sams hair......... BUT....... Tom had taken the Grade 2 guard off so it was a bare down to the skulp weapon he held in his hand.........

This following picture is not good........if you are of a squimish nature then please dont look........



OMG I laffed and laffed and laffed my Tom was on the floor creased up, Emma his girlfriend was screaming and Jacob was laffing to hard I thought he was gonna choke.......Ben was uncontrolable, the tears where running down our faces and I truely wet me knickers.....



Jebus, I thought Sam was gonna go bonkers but he said........... well mum always says its just hair and it grows back right? lol........... we had to shave his whole head in the end......... omg omg........ that was just the funniest......

See, its a bloody mad house here most of the time.......... the laffs and fun so make up for the struggle and hard parts......... lads aye.......... anyone want mine......

Enough Twaddling rubbish for a Wednesday........... xx

ps........... today I have been divorced 6 years......... :)