You Use To Be A Beautiful Baby - And - By The Skin Of His Teeth

Ok...... well everyone that knows me knows how much I love me chickens.... it drives me maties here crazy, cos, to be honest, they DONT DO animals of any description.... and me matie Ann, well, she has this fear of birds, daft cow lol....

My chickens are wellabit spoilt, I buy them lavendar or lemon scented sawdust for the bottom of their bedroom in the coop and then I fill it up with warm snuggly herby scented hay LOL..... my chickens come out of their coop in the morning smelling like they have spent a night in a brothel.....

They all bring me such joy, I could sit in me garden and just watch them for hours, when Im stressed out, which has been a lot of late, I take me cuppa tea and go sit on the bench in the garden and me chickens bring me back down to earth....... no 'shop ya stress away' for me.... just sitting amongst the chicken poo and sharing me marmite toast with them, see how low maintenance I really am LOL

Do you remember the hatching of Marble back in October, when it was bitter cold and still I let mother nature run its course and let Mabel the mum warm and protect the chick instead of bringing them both into the warm kitchen in a box......

Well, little Marble is no longer a cute little fluffy chick...... he/she, but we are thinking more a he as the weeks go on... is now a big as its mum...its a tad crazy and skitsie and gets a right proper peck from its Auntie Janet when it gets to greedy....

It use to be a beautiful baby, but it sure is one ugly teenager LOL



And and even ugly looking young adult..



But ya see, no matter if Marble does turn out to be a cockeral, which I think it might be, cos it has shiney feathers like Cedric and has the beginnings of those purplely/green tail feathers, I will still keep him and Marble and Cedric will just have to learn to get on with each other, cos I loves my little Marble, its like me first born LOL

My chickens hang around together all day, they are never more then a few feet apart, sometimes they can be a pain in the arse, like NOW for instances, they have dug up all me perennials which I will have to replace, so I thought I would have to pen them down in the bottom half of me garden, still a large area for free chickens, so I went to B&Q and bought the most lovely picket gate and the hinges and thought I would put a gate up near the shed to stop them coming this end of the garden and destroying the rest of me plants....... So, last week I let them out of their coop and shut the new gate which is about 4 foot high and went out for the morning, happy in the knowledge that I could buy some new plants and they would not be dug up and scratched out by me chickens........



This is us buying the picket gate, thats Sprite, D and J... who says shopping with 3 under 3s is hard :)

WRONG..... when I came back home I opened me side gate and there was Cedric and Janet sitting on me back door step THIS SIDE OF THE GATE..... boy, did I tell them off, they must of missed me so much that they made a mad escape and must of fluttered up onto the gate (which must of been hard cos they are fatties) and where sitting there waiting for my return with a smug look on their faces...... after checking and opening the new gate I walked back up the garden talking to the pair of them in a cross voice....LOL and was explaining to them that they are NOT allowed this end of the garden and to bloody well get their arse back down the garden and through the gate, as they started to waddle off I quickened me step and made shooing noises, much to Cedrics annoyance lol he started with the back chat and noise at me as he picked up pace.... again I was giving him a piece of me mind when he decided to hop onto the gate and then onto the bloody 6 foot fence.... LMFAO..... little sod, he was determined to state his case and not go back without a fight LMFAO....

So I shooed Janet in through the gate and shut it and then went to pick Cedric off the fence.....



He was having none of it..... he fluttered down into me twat neighbours garden LOL.....dam and bugger, time for reinforcements..... I ran, well hobbled back to the house and shouted for Sam and Jacob to come quick.... Sam easily climbed over the fence and then from his side said, dammit, mum, Cedric's hopped over into the next garden........... and with that, we heard the most scariest noise that I have ever heard a chicken make and the growling of the little terrier dog that lives there..... Cedric was being attacked..... but he was putting up a good fight, boy could that cockeral run.... I screamed real loud from my side of the fence and both Sam and Jacob leapt over the other fence into the garden where Max the terrier lives and who by now had Cedric in his mouth...... the lady that lives there came rushing out, she to was screaming cos she could hear me screaming, I felt helpless this side of the fence..... Sam apparently without fear grab Max the dog by his neck and bashed him on the nose with the palm of his hand and the dog dropped Cedric, who at first lay there where he was dropped..... I by then had run/hobbled down me garden and in through the bottom of me neighbours garden (2 gardens along) thinking that my Cedric had been ripped to pieces, already the tears were rolling down me face...... the dog had been shut in the house and I could see feathers everywhere..... Jacob said, its ok mum, he is still alive, go get a towel, so I hobbled back through the gardens in floods of tears.... wishing I had clipped the chickens wings which would of stopped their ability of fluttering up over the fence in the first place..... as I hobbled back down the garden with towel in hand I heard my Sam in the twat neighbours garden saying, mum I'll pass Cedric over the fence and then climb over....



I dont know why this photo has come out so dark (ok photo swapped fanks LadyStyx for making me photo lighter) that thats our Sam climbing back over the fence and Jacob who had come the sensible way and through the back gate LOL


I heard me twat neighbour shuffling down his garden, just as Sam jumped back over the fence into our garden.......whats going on he said from his side of the fence....... nuffin we said in unison lol.... was you in my garden, he said.... nope we all said in unison..... with that we quietly tiptoed back up our garden and left the loon talking to himself LOL

I checked Cedric all over.... he was missing all his tail feathers and his bum was bare with a couple of bite marks on his arse.... so not knowing what to do I just put antiseptic cream on the bites and hugged him and give him a kiss and a right proper telling off and put him to bed.... hoping against all hope that he would not die of shock during the night.....



This is Cedric before, with his beautiful tail feathers.....

and, yes Cedric did survive the night..... by the skin of his teeth he survived....



This is Cedric now with what is left of his tail feathers...LMFAO.. I know they will grow back, I know he had a lucky escape... I know now I need to think about clipping his and the others wings..... and now I know just how much I love him.... aint I bloody pathetic lmfao....



As a treat the following day.... I gave them all a slice of chocolate cake.... one of their favourites lol..... note Cedrics tail-less bum lmfao.....



Oh, and cheese, did I mention they love cheese for their breakfast some mornings....

I could go on and on and show hundreds of photos and tell stories about me chickens, but I will save them for another day.....

Its bright and sunny here today with a nippy start.... looks like its gonna be a lovely spring day..... I need to make the most of it......

Enough boring Twaddle for one morning...

x

ps...... Fanks (((((Starr))))) you know what for.... feet - earth - ground.. oxo

Addition - a couple of other photos that I couldnt find this morning....

An Unexpected Visitor...Again...

Ok....... long boring post.... but like Im bovvered if you read it or not lol - oh and the boxes o'crap will be posted off in the morning.... sorry about the delay... but tough tittie, Ive been busy LOL

Bugger me what a week..... up to me eyes in this below...



I cant believe I decided to do a 2 year college course in 9 months at home whilst trying to work and sort the house and garden and everything home here lol...



See that huge folder with the few notes, well it will be full to bursting by the time I will of finished this qualification... 2 out of 11 papers done and dusted with high credits :).... maybe Im cleverer then I think I am lol

Its taking over me life.... hours and hours of bloody work, and assessments and the assessor sitting in on my day taking observations.... I WISH I HAD NEVER STARTED lol

Sooooo thats just one tiny excuse as to my disappearance....

Its been beautiful spring weather here this past week and hopefully it will continue into the weekend..... Ive been trying to put all me bank accounts and saving accounts in order for when the time comes to rob peter to pay paul when I loose Sprite and J in a fortnight... Im brill at juggling little income and Im usually at me most creative when Im skint LOL.... fank gawds I DONT have one penny of debt except me little mortgage, and I do have a little bit of savings hidden in me hiking boots lol.....

I might have to sell me body down the Guildhall behind the lion statues, but when I thought about it, I doubt I would even earn enough for me busfare home LOL

Anyways..... does anyone remember last year and this post dear little chewy that we saved from me cat...... go look at the lovely photos in this old post..

Well, about 3 weeks ago we had another MOUSE incident.... this time it was Ambrose that came galloping in through the catflap carrying a squeeling wriggling little dormouse..... I shouted at me cat at the top of me voice, and it scared her so much she opened her mouth and the mouse fell to the floor and ran under the washing machine.... there was nuffin I could do to get the little mouse out..... I thought the cats would eventually catch it and there will be nuffin I can do...... but, catch the mouse they didnt..... it must of crept out at night and stole and nibbled their food and drank their water.... and as the days went by I forgot about the little dormouse that was living under me washing machine...... UNTIL.... I was in me kitchen late one night bunging the kettle on for a cuppa tea..... as I stood there waiting for it to boil, I watched as a little tiny dormouse crept along me kitchen window sill and behind me toaster where it sat nibbling on toast crumbs.......

Bloody hell..... argghhhhhhhhhh no matter how much I like cute little mices there is NO WAY a dam mouse was gonna have the free run of me kitchen........ and when I found a little mouse poo on the window sill THAT WAS IT.... its fate was sealed....it had to go.... I called all 3 of me cats (yes we now have 3, thats another story lol) to which they all came running into the kitchen thinking they was getting a treat...... I picked fatcat up and placed him on the kitchen sink where the mouse was staring back at me from the window sill....it was a big mistake... all hell then broke loose lmfao......the cats went crazy knocking dishes into the sink and stuff onto the floor, the poor mouse ran for its life and I screamed and hobble jumped onto the kitchen pew LOL..... Jacob and Sam came running only to both climb on the pew with me lmfao..... to dam funny....

we watched as the 3 cats sat infront of the washing machine pawing under to try and get the mouse, but as we watched, it crept along the base of the kitchen units behind the daft cats LMFAO..... and through the babygate across the kitchen door and behind some of the toy boxes in this middle room.....

This was now all out war....



This is Sam after pulling out a few of the toy boxes, everytime I said 'there it is' he screamed like a girlie lmfao.....

We didnt catch the mouse that night.... but it continued to leave mice poo on the window sill so I knew it was still alive and I was constantly anti-bacterial washing all the units down in the kitchen....

It had to go, it was doing me head in, it was getting to clever... it had found its way into me popping corn.... I didnt want it to die though, I aint that cruel, but it had to be caught..... so, I went down to our village hardware shop and saw the bloke that works in there, he thinks Im mad most of the time as it is, but this day he must of thought I was mental LOL



This is our little hardware shop.....

He says, hey Mel what ya after... Im always in and out of this little shop for the odd nail or screw or to get a key cut (that is another story), or to just give him hassle LOL.... so I says..... I have a mouse, its been in me kitchen now for over a week, and its getting crafty and its clever and I WONT LET IT WIN.... I want a mouse trap.... ok he says and he brings me out a traditional mouse trap that ya put cheese on a spring trap and when the mouse grabs it, it flips and crushes the poor little mouse to death... thats 2 quid he says...... BLOODY HELL I reply, I aint no murderer, I want one of those humane traps Ive seen on the telly, I'll catch the mouse and take it up the woods and let it go..... oh he says one of those.... well, those are 4 pounds 50 ($9).... jebus I say, the cost of being humane and kind and caring to little creatures is ridiculas.... thats more then double the price of snapping the little mousie git in half and squashing its guts out.... yep it says, being kind is expensive and he laffs knowing full well I would buy it whatever the price....

So I take it home stuff the end with cheese and ham and a love heart sweet so that the mouse would have a variety of things to choose from lol and I placed the little trap where I thought it would walk on its way to the toaster.... 2 days and nuffin...well I say nuffin, the treats in the trap had gone but no trap had been sprung and no mouse caught..... I told the bloke in the shop that I wanted me money back cos the trap aint worked, he just laffed at me and said they dont do refunds and just to give it time, so I replaced all the treats and waited and waited.... and both me and Sam stood one night in the kitchen and watched the dam mouse run over the top of the trap LOL..... we chased that dam mouse all over the kitchen side that night and eventually we cornered the little bastard behind me KenwoodChef LOL and shoved the open trap in the only little gap where the mouse could escape......

DONE AND DUSTED..... we caught the little bleeder.....now to tease the cats and to teach the mouse a lesson...



Take that you peskie little mouse.....



And if I could be bovvered to scare you I would LOL....

Now what to do with the mouse..... Sam suggested putting it in something bigger, so what did he do, he only went and got our FRIBBLE glass that me and Jacob stole oops, I mean borrowed from a burger joint whilst we was in Maine....



See aint he cute....



Anyone would of thought Sam had slain a lion instead of just catching a little dormouse lol



Now we can never use the stolen oops borrowed Fribbles Glass, cos its had a mouse in it...

It was late and we didnt want to let the mouse go in the back garden cos we knew one of the cats would stalk it and catch it, so Jacob suggested he put it in one of his empty lizard glass thingies.... and keep it for a few days to make sure it was ok and then we could let it go..... thought that was a great idea, and that way the minded nippers could watch the little mouse in the glass cage for a few days and they could learn about wild animals lmfao.... sounds like Im talking bout a bear or moose LOL..... so the little mouse was put in this....



The poor dormouse spent 2 days being hounded by nippers and me cats, eventually Jacob took it upstairs to the quiet of his bedroom.....

I forgot all about the mouse for a few days and when I remembered I said to Jacob.... do you still have the mouse..... no he said....... did you let it go, I said...... no he said..... dont say the cats got it...... no he said...... well where the bloody hell is the mouse, I said...... its dead he said....... dead? I say...... after all we went through its dead? WTF..... how?...... he said he didnt want it to get cold so he turned the heat pad on which he use to use for one of the scorpions when it was in the glass thing....... oh that was nice I said......... only the stupid mouse chewed through the wire and electricuted itself he said....... a fortnight of hassle and mouse poo and chasing the dam thing around the house, a now useless stolen, oops borrowed Fribble glass and 4 pound 50 pence ($9) wasted..... I asked him what he had done with the mouse, he said..... I fed it to me lizard LMFAO......

RIP little dormouse, I tried to save you, but you were your own worse enemy....

I told the bloke in the hardware shop yesterday... well actually I was just walking past and he came rushing out and asked me about the mouse.... he laffed and laffed.... yep he said, sounds about right for your mad house......

HOW RUDE lol

Enough boring Twaddle for a dark Friday Spring Evening.....

x

Tiz Been A Fortnight And The Winner Is.....

Ok, so its been just over a fortnight, what with tonsilillitis and a chest infection of which I am still coughing and snotting up buckets of lime green slime :).... and with me NV Q3 course hard work and loads of stuff and nonsense going on here and the near death of Cedric, its seems an age since I promised a box of scrummies.....

Anyways, fanks to everyone for all your kind words, I always find kind words hard to swallow, so, DONT BE SO NICE IN FUTURE...... :)



I cant believe so many of you commented in the hope of winning a box of crapo bits and bobs from Jolly old lol.....

I will say that I had been gathering in the goodies and scrummies, and as fast as I gathered me lads munched and ate the gathered goods LMFAO....

So last night I thought I had better get this done and dusted... so instead of one box of scrummies I will send 4 smaller boxes.......



So I printed off everyones name cos I couldnt be arsed to hand write them all lol and just look, I even stamped out a shape next to everyones name :) - like I aint got enough to do, but thats me, always the creative one LOL....

I put all the little folded names (with stamped out shape) into one of me favourite little bowls.........

Drum rolls...........and the winners of the little box of crappo are.......



Cindy - SomeBlokeThatBlobs - LadyStyx - JeanC

So if you wanna drop me your proper address to marmitetoasty@yahoo.com and give me a week to regather in some bits and then a week for the postman to swim across the water with your goodies, you will be very disappointed LMFAO.... oh no, it couldnt be some bloody brit that won, it had to be a doodle..... just make it more expensive why dont ya :)

Ive won 2 give-aways before on blobs...... one was on FamilyPhils Blob yonks ago, I named his gnome and won a CD...... and then just a few weeks ago, I was blobbing around and came across a quilting blob place that took me eye.... and I left a comment and bloody hell, low and behold I actually won the giveaway...... and oh my what the most amazing giveaway....



Just look at all that lovely fabric and a book, yep the blobber is famous Elizabeth has had a book published and she even sent me a copy of her book AND she enclosed two moose horn buttons cos she had read me blob and knew me passion for mooses..... the enclosed letter made me smile and made me tear up.......

So, it just goes to show, ya can connect with like minded funny people on the net, and ya can win moose buttons :) - FANKS again Elizabeth for the wonderful give-away..... makes my box of crap look pathetic LOL I aint decided what to include yet either lol like in life I will just go with the flow :)....

Much has happened this past week..... I was very poorly of course and I think THIS is the cause......



Pod was wellabit poorly a couple of weeks ago.......



Yep gallons of puke lmfao EVERYWHERE...... I had to call his dad to come get him and then I went down with sickness so I BLAME pod lol

Also Sprites father was made redundant yesterday which of course has a knock on affect to me, cos after doing 4 weeks notice I wont be having Sprite and her brother unless the father can find another job, which in this recession is unlikely.... so that means that my income will drop by 2 thirds, they were my bread and butter earnings...... dont know what Im gonna do, but Im sure I will muddle through as I always have..... priority MORTGAGE we dont need to eat LOL.... least I dont owe one penny in debt...

But to cap it all, my Ben who only came back from a weekend away in Amsterdam yesterday and who also works for the same Engineering company as Sprites father, was also made redundant...... OH BLOODY JOY...... and over here dole money is only $90 so we are all in the shit LOL..... I will have to somehow try and carry everyone again, just dont ask me how, cos I have NO idea.....

Maybe sell up and move to the states and buy something outright and start up some business there?........

And get this, a dear matie has already offered to marry me so that I could get in the country :)...... I might just take him up on the offer....ya know, a marriage of convenience..... he would soon get fed up with me though LOL....to dam funny.... actually it was a lovely thought :)..... so fanks Chuck...

Ok...... I have me consultant this afternoon....... I aint mentioned much about it all of late in that department, mainly cos things are not good... but I sort of pulled me cardigan around me and just kept meself to meself...... to say Im a little scared about me appointment is an understatement..... will just have to see what he suggests, if anything, this afternoon....... sigh...

Ok, enough boring Twaddle for a Tuesday morning.... congrats those that have won the box of crap, dont forget to send me your addresses....

x

It Cant Be....... 2nd Blob Birthday....So Lets Have a Give Away...

Ok........ I just aint had time to Twaddle of late...... so much has been going on here, I might explain over the coming weeks, if I decide to continue with Twaddling....

I cant believe its been 2 whole years since I was shoved into the world of blobbing kicking and screaming.... Up until just a few months before Twaddle was born, I didnt even have much of a clue as to what a blob was....

Bobs blob (over there in me side bar) was me first encounter of the blobbing world, and jebus, what a blob to start with LOL..... I will confess it did take me weeks and weeks of reading Tubob for me to even understand it lol....... at times I thought I was trying to read some alien language.... and then it dawned, slowly at first, that I was reading a 'master of words' and almost every few words I had to google the meaning of words LOL.....

But through Bobs Blob I then blob-encountered some people that have remained wonderful true friends ever since.... real people that have carved their way into me heart and soul (well me soul is still lost but they're in there wherever it is).... yes, me fellow 'Gumbies'.... you know who you are..... these Gumbies, I hope know, that I would do anything for them.... in whatever capacity I can at the drop of a hat...... they know I love em..... also through Bobs blob I was led to the Dingleberries Newspaper Site left of the Staples, where after a little bit of a rough start (a few thought I was not for real lol) I have been taken under their wing.... like on Bobs joint I have come across some wonderful people, and learnt to blob around, finding some very special people and blobs on there..... Even after I closed down the newspaper site for a while the crimbo before last with a bomb scare LOL..... to bloody funny... what? I didnt Twaddle about it LOL....... suffice to say, the bomb squad saw the funny side of it.... innocent I tell ya, I plead Im innocent

Anyways, I started Twaddle for two reasons, first of, cos I was bullied into it LOL.... and secondly so that I could maybe keep a diary so that one day when Im dead and gone, me lads might get to have a glimpse at a side of their mum that maybe they dont always get to see, and words that I dont always get to share....... except, they dont know about me blob so someone would have to give them the heads up if I snuff it LOL

Many people over the last 2 years have passed through here, many have stayed (I cant begin to understand why) and some have moved on and left or snuffed it......

Its been a funny 2 years, so much has gone on in this short time......... Ive often spilled to much of 'me' on here LOL..... ya see, believe it or not, Im really quite a private person, I do know that over this past couple of years, my 'well ard head' was allowed to become a bit soft, and it lead to me letting me guard down a bit and that made me a bit gullible ... ya see, Ive always been as tough as old nails, always only had me to rely on... always been the strong one..... cos Ive had to be......

Never underestimate the power of the blob world, when I found meself at the lowest point in me life, strangers that read Twaddle dragged me up by me short and curlies and kept me head above water, until I had the energy to blow up me armbands and stay afloat meself..... so I thank you for that...... you to know who you are.... those that I had no clue about held out a hand of friendship, and those that I thought I knew and needed to care, didnt give a stuff LOL and so the world turns...

I dont know how to be anyone but myself....... and those that I speak to or have spoken to on the phone know Im exactly the same as I am here LOL.....

So..... in honour of me 2nd blob birthday Ive decided to do a give-away...... I aint decided what to give away as yet LOL.... but it will probably be a box of well proper British goodies.......

So....... leave a comment on me 2nd birthday post (yes blurkers come out of the woodwork) and I will pick out a winner and send ya, whether ya near or far, a wonderful box of scrummies......

I wanna fank all those that come through Twaddle, those that make me laff and those that make me cry, those that make me think and those that made me love......Im not very good with words.... but many of you have touched the very core of my being........ and I always swore I would never let that happen....but, I let you become real.... was that a mistake? sometimes I wonder.... and so the world turns, and so peoples lives get entwinned and twist and turn and sometimes snap and get used and hurt in this blob world.....

Jebus, sounds like Im at the Oscars LOL

But through your blobs I have travelled the world via your stories and your amazing photos, I read the most amazing food blobs, and shared the most heart wrenching stories..... I have made wonderful friends in Canada and America and bloody hell, even some northern maties over here, and a jock lmfao.... and South Africa and the bloody Welsh LOL..... I have cried with you and laffed at your antics....... I even dragged two of me oldest internet maties into the blob world.... dont know if they think I did them a favour or not LOL

I hope that in some small way, be it only a tiny way I might of reached out and touched some of you...... cos I know so many of you have touched me...... not in that way you dirty bastards LOL

I am me, just me, cant and will never be anyone else........ those that I call friends know, I will be a friend for life.... I aint everyones cuppa tea but thats their problem not mine.... we cant be everything that others wished us to be, cos I know, I can only be meself...... Im honest and true and make the most amazing friend.... and I never say words or make promises I dont mean....

Ok, Im waffling a load of bollocks now lol........so, leave a comment and ya never know, maybe you might even win a box of crap from me LOL

Oh, before I go, just wanna share this picture of Sprite with you, oh and Pod and Dutchy...... Ive had Sprite since she was 10 weeks old 9 hours a day, 5 days a week...she will be 3 in May..... I love this child more then any other child I have ever minded......

These were taken today in me garden.... it was an almost spring like day, so we spent most of it outside.... a mucky kid is a happy kid, right? :)



This child today came up to me and said 'I lub you Meldee' :) she made my heart swell... at least someone loves me right LOL



Tiz such fun to get mucky :) - This is my darling Sprite and Dutchy (his mum is from Holland hence the nicname)... we had been digging for worms to feed to me chickens.... you can see by their faces how much love and fun I have to share..... I hope that I can build memories for them that they will keep forever...



Only had Pod for about 7 weeks now, I wonder if he will crawl and stay snuggled into my heart as much as Sprite has..... he holds out his arms to me, when his dad drops him off in the mornings.... I think he is happy here.....

So come on blobbers and blurkers........ you know you want the goodies LOL..... over 53,000 have sneaked in here over the past 2 years..... who would of thunk that :)

Slater maties x

I KNOW What I Saw... So Shut It :)

Ok...... well, I suppose I should say happy valentines day to ya.... so, happy valentines day...



If you need a heart today, then take mine..... it dont work no more so you might as well make use of it LOL

Anyone that has been reading the weather news of late will know what fickle weather we have here in Jolly Old Blighty..... we are famous for moaning about the weather, well, actually, I dont, cos no amount of moaning is gonna change it LOL.... but to many Brits it is always a topic of conversation..... dont know what to talk about, then talk about the weather... thats how most think over here....

Well, a fortnight ago we was issued an extreme weather warning down here in the South of England.... and bugger me, we woke up Monday morning to SNOW everywhere, pure white crisp wellabit proper SNOW.... usually I would be as happy as larry about having snow, but cos of me dodgy knee, I was a little bit scared, and the thought of venturing out to take nippers to school was making me apprehensive....I rang me matie and said if I went over I would ring her and just lay there cos there is no way I would be able to get up LOL... she was laffing and saying that she wouldnt be able to help cos she would be wetting herself laffing..... now, thats not nice is it lol.... BUT, not to worry, after a few phone calls it was found that the schools in the village were shut......bloody shut cos of a little bit of snow LOL..... actually it was found that most of England has shut down cos of the snow....... it was the worst snowfall here in 18 years..... wooooo hooooooooo our country was in turmoil LOL...... ok, well down in the South the snow only lasted 2 days and then it had all disappeared lol

I did have to smile though thinking about me maties in the States and the snow they were experiencing there lol, Britain gets a few inches and we come to a stand still.....well I didnt mind, cos it means if the village schools are closed then I get extra work and extra work equals loads of extra dosh LOL

Anyway.... I turned the heating up higher so the house was all nice and snug and warm for nippers arriving....... and I hobbled down the garden to let me chickens out.... which in itself was funny cos they just stood in the coop looking out, daring each other to go first, so I walked back up the garden making that stupid clucking noise that chicken lovers make and they all followed me up the path and to me house, they carried on following me in the back door and right up to me fridge and stood there looking up at me..... so, seeing as it was cold and nippy I let them have some left over rice that was in the fridge and a couple of slices of ham for their breakfast then I shooed them back out the door......

I stood on me back step with eyes as huge as saucers......... oh my, oh my.... there was something wonderful in my garden..... something that to me was the most wonderful thing I could of seen......I shouted to my Jacob to come see, I shouted right proper loud...... JACOB COME QUICK COME AND SEE, OH JEBUS QUICK QUICK....

To my surprise me twat neighbour heard me shouting and hollered over the fence 'ARE YOU ALRIGHT OVER THERE'........yes, I shouted back, but, my goodness you should see whats in me garden....WHAT? he shouted..... I said, you wont have them in your garden cos my garden is more special LOL........ by now I was giggling..... I could hear him scurrying around and what sounded like a chair being dragged into his garden..... the nosey git was only gonna climb on a chair and look over the fence......

By now Jacob had come running down the stairs and was standing behind me looking out into the snowy garden......

Oh Jacob, just look, isn't it wonderful, isn't it just the bestest surprise to see them in our garden....... I turned around and saw the look on his face, a look of surprise that was for sure..... then I saw me twat neighbours little ugly puffy face peer over the fence..... What is it, he said........ look I said in the garden just past the garden table........ where? he replied........ I said, first there was one on its own and then more arrived........ what? he said, what you talking about?..... there I pointed, dont make a noise or you will scare them away....... I saw his head get higher over the fence, he must of been standing on tiptoe to get a better look.....

What? he said, I cant see anything.....gawds sake I say, there near the borders...... Jacob by now was giggling behind me.... I replied, first, when I let the chickens out this morning, when I walked back up the garden I could only see the one visitor and then within a few minutes more arrived until what must be the whole herd.....

Now me twat neighbour was staring straight at ME with that frowning look he often uses when talking to me...... then he looked back in me garden and muttered......... I dont know why I bother with you, I really think you are mad, how many times do I have to fall for your nonsense.......WHAT? I cry....... cant you see them.... look closely and you will see one on its own down the garden and 3 or 4 others just there by the deleafed fushia......

This is what was in me garden that snowy morning a fortnight ago....



Mel, those are NOT real he said........ of course they are real I said.... Ive seen a real moose in America when me matie Sharkie took us to this reserve place, so I KNOW what a moose looks like....

Mel, is there something wrong with you?.... those are NOT real mooses... I really think they should lock you up, I could of broken me neck if I had fallen off this chair..... well, I says, you shouldnt be such a nosey git then.... and they ARE real if you believe in them......... with that he clambered down and disappeared out of sight, but I could still hear him muttering....... I CAN HEAR YOU I SHOUT.... crazy he shouts back..... I turn to Jacob, you can see them cant you....... by now he was in fits of laughter and tears were rolling down his face.....

Here is the rest of the herd.....



I know to the untrained eye this herd of moose might look like a collection of little plastic mooses, and the one near the front on the right might look like the nodding moose that was found in the cereal box a few years ago, and the one at the back on the left might look like the moose that Family Phil's nippers sent me months back.... but they aint, that was a real herd of mooses in me garden a fortnight ago.......

I KNOW what I saw, I love mooses more then anything..... and these really were in me garden..... I DONT care what me twat neighbour thinks.....

Jacob whispered, do you think he thinks your mad mum..... I aint bovvered what he thinks Jacob I said..... I know what I saw *wink wink* with that he burst out laffing LOL

But, also look at this, we WILL get me neighbour back for saying Im mad..... we have a secret weapon, and come the summer when he is sitting in the garden having a nice cold beer in the sunshine..... our secret weapon will come into play..... and we will get the last laff......



Yep, dont get mad, get even, we have saved a SNOWBALL in the freezer and we are saving it for me twat neighbour in the summer LMFAO..... he who mocketh me will me smiling out of the other side of his snowball splattered face come the summer......

More then enough Twaddle for a dark Saturday evening....

x

Where Did January Go....

Ok, bloody hell, where did January go....... well, I know for me its been full of paperwork and government papers and long days and restless nights........

Tiz not that I aint wanted to Twaddle..... its just I aint had time to scratch me bum let alone Twaddle or email or even do much blobbing around...... I did think that by the time I got to my age that maybe life might of been a bit kinder to me LOL....... I think sometimes I must live in a bloody dream world....

So...... what have I been up to..... first of all, from last September my job as a registered Ofsteded Childminder changed, and us in the know do not think it has changed for the best.... the powers that be seem to think so, but us backbones of our jobs think they are talking out of their arses.....

Ya see, they must have it wrong, because so many childminders are leaving by the 100s every month now in England.... tiz all the bloody paperwork now since we changed in September, this new EYFS shit that we have to comply with....... and to be honest, one could have the bestest paperwork in place and still be a shit minder and not treat the kids right with love and respect.... so its all bollocks if you ask me LOL

Anyways, I.... yes ME was to be the first inspected under the new rules and regulations, out of our gaggle of minders here in this village, so I was to be their guineapig.... their beating stick, their learning curve LOL.....

But guess what I did, I decided to redo all me 47 MUST HAVE policies that we as minders have to have in place for EACH child, plus 14 others that I HAVE to have for my home setting (obviously everyones home is different), but like a loon I decided to get it all up and done and dusted before me inspection, and redo all me 14 contracts that I have for each child......



Each of my minded nippers have a file like Sprites in the above photo, it contains 61 policies read and signed by parents, a law abiding contract (which is mainly for my protection)....

Ya see, in England minding aint like it is in the states, we are so regulated and checked up on and have to comply with all sorts of extra training and courses and we even have to have a dam policy if we sneeze to hard LOL..... OK, well thats just a joke, but thats how it feels sometimes....

I have to have a seperate file for each child with their contracts in.... child protection policies... observations of each child and the the next steps to seeing that child progress and how to achieve its own individual full potential....... we are now classed as educators and have set guidelines we HAVE to adhere to....

Well cos I use to own a preschool I know I have all the equipment in place to meet all these new rules and regulations but still its a nerve racking time, just before inspection, cos it all depends what shithead inspector you get on the day LOL....

We also have to have fire protection policies and the obviously smoke alarms, we also have to do fire drill have have written instructions on escape routes etc.... all of which I already had in place...



This is my main copy of all policies etc..

We have to do a 30 page self evaluation folder..... lol

Have all the pediactric first aid certificates... and have complaints proceedures in place and so the list goes on and on and on...... no smacking policy, pet policy, permission to travel in car policy, permission to administer medication policy, anti bullying policy, equal opportunity policy and on and on and on....and risk assessments of me house and written risk assessments of places I take the nippers.... and a visitors book for every person that enters me home whilst any nippers are here, plus a daily register all signed daily by every parent LOL



yep I have to have a drugs and booze policy..... its should read that we are allowed to get rat-arsed on the job LOL.... and should discuss all kids needs whilst in the pub...

Ive always been of the opinion that most of these policies should just come under the cover of being registered...... the ones we HAVE to have should all be part and parcel of getting registered, which would save hours upon hours of paperwork..... if ya registered then a list of all policies should come under that cover......

One of the new policies that we have to have is a 'Lost Child Policy'..... to dam funny if you ask me....... we had to write our own 'what to do if we lost a child policy' LMFAO....... so I did a proper one but I gave me inspector the below policy.... cos I actually do NO agree with such a policy..... all the paperwork in the world aint gonna stop a bad childminder from loosing one of her charges lol - so when me inspector asked to see my lost child policy this is what I handed over... and I sat back and let her read it and to see her reaction........ she already knew how I feel about all the paperwork and the actual worthlessness of most of it lol....



***Lost Child Policy

In the event that my child somehow or other gets separated from her/his childminder, I give permission for the below named childminder to... run around like a headless chicken, shouting and screaming like a fishwife..... if of course they feel fit to do...... or if they would rather, go and have a nice cuppa tea and think about what they have done and the consequences of their actions.

The phrase 'oh well ya can always have another one' will NOT be said in my company... because it can be very upsetting as I have already sold off a couple of the kids.

It will also be noted that I the parent will sue your arse for every penny you have, even if you deem to think that you in actual fact have done me a favour.

It will NEVER be mentioned that I am still claiming Family Allowance for the said lost child.... maybe it will turn up one day out of the blue, like the prodical son.

If the kid should appear at my door step in the future, all knowledge of it will be erased from all memory banks and all paperwork of the foresaid child will be destroyed..... especailly as the insurance money will of probably already been spent on the new extention to the house...***

Me inspector read and looked up and read some more and looked up and started to giggle and read again and said........ well, at least you have a great sense of humour, I do not know of any minder that would have the guts to actually hand that me to..... LOL..... good job she said.....

She also knows that I take the kids to many places that most others would deem 'not right' cos they are to scared to let kids have that little extra bit of experience, like we go paddling in the streams out down the lanes, most other minders wouldnt dare incase they got into trouble.... oh well, their kids are missing out....

Anyways to cut a long long story short....... I passed with flying colours.... all that worry and stress for nuffin.... I got my 20 page written report back yesterday...... and the comments me inspector wrote made me even blush....... and even though this is not a job that I particularly want, I know that I do it with a passion with the kids in my care loving all we do and how I interact with them.... I know Im different from most minders in how I talk to the kids and with what we do..... but, when have I ever followed the crowd..... Ive always stood alone.... it also says that I have one of the best equiped, both fun wise and educatinal that she has seen in a minders home in many a year, both inside and outside things......

A few years ago me then inspector called me a 'memory maker'.... and this now inspector said that I must give the children in my care wonderful lifetime memories.... if so, then my time here has been worth it..

So..... over the past few weeks cos me paperwork and files are so spot on, Ive been helping other minders to try and bring their practise up to standard, so they will pass, I told them I can help them with paperwork but how they manage and treat the kids in their care is down to them.... so that is a little of what Ive been up to this month....

I can hear you say, is that all, just all the above has kept you busy.... well yeah, plus the 50 hour working week Ive been doing and plus this little wee person....



He is called 'Pod' cos he is a cutie little peapod..... Ive had him now since crimbo, well from Jan 5th actually, and he is 6 months old...... and he is hard work LMFAO..... another little darling to help grow and nurture, cos he will be in my care for almost 9 hours a day.. so I will have such a big influence in his life, I hope I get it right..

Also besides all the inspection crap and the care of Pod and 14 other nippers throughout the week..... Ive been looking with our Jacob for a college that he wants to attend come September, he will be just 16 and does not want to go to Southdowns College which is an excellent college just 5 or so miles from us, where his 3 brothers attended, no, not our Jacob, he wants to go out to Sparsholt College in Winchester which is the best landbased college in the country......

http://www.sparsholt.ac.uk/

If you get a chance have a butchers at this place... ya see, my boy, wants to eventually either work for the forestry commission or own his own tree surgery business.... and Sparsholt is just about the best there is in that department...... so we went up to Winchester for an open day and to talk to the people there...... it will mean an hour and half extra travel in the morning and again in the evening for Jacob to go there..... it will be a big committment...... but watching him talk to the staff there and seeing the lights go on in his eyes and the passion in his voice when he listened to what they had to say and in answer to his questions..... I knew, that my boy had found something that fired his insides..... he will learn all about woodland skills and mechanics of all the machinery and the skills it takes to work in forest management..... its a 3 year course and I know it will fit me boy like a glove..... 80% of the course is spent on the estates and in the forests that surround the college..... and the saw mills etc.... everything to do with trees LOL....... and get this....... every single bit of equipment, even down to the boots and clothing will be supplied by the college...... all I will have to pay is the $1400 a year busfares...... but Im hoping that as Jacob turns 17 I will be able to afford to get him driving lessons and then at 17 1/2 maybe get him a car like I did for our Sam........ cos, it will take a hour and half on the bus to get to college and thats besides the 3-4 mile bike ride to get to the bus LOL..... but, ya see Winchester is sorta only 35 minutes away down the back lanes, so thats hell of a difference in travel time, but we will just have to see how the dosh pans out LOL... now it all depends on his main GCSE exams he will be taking after Feb half term, he needs to get good results on those for his place at college, so we have been doing extra work and Ive been helping him with his revision and course work.......

AND BESIDES ALL THE ABOVE lmfao............. guess what else Ive decided to do...... like a bloody moron........ Last Tuesday week I started me NV Queue LOL - Level 3 (C/C/L/D = Childrens Care, Learning and Development) course..... its usually a 2 year at college course but Im fast tracking it into 6-8 months LOL....... its bloody hard as buggery lmfao.... what the hell have I put myself in for...... apparently its hard enough at college let alone trying to do it at home LOL.... oh well at least Im getting a bursary for it and its costing me nuffin whereas most others have to pay the $1300 for the course..... so I might as well slog it out and get is done and dusted.... and to be honest the 150 or so pages of written work that I must complete which are so deep and indepth, well, its mostly what I practise now.... but on saying that.... its still bloody hard lmfao.... just hope I can complete it and get a good pass......cos I aint to good with word or writting stuff down..

So, I think it would be much easier if one of you doodles found me a job in the states lol..... oh and a house with a view and a porch thing that wraps around the house... and room for me chickens....and maybe room for a Llama, I could become someones 'English Nanny' lol I DONT come cheap though :)



Did I mention this little darling? :)

Ive also been house/flat hunting with our Tom and his girl Sammie.... they now after getting engaged back in November wanna have a go at living together before making the commitment of a mortgage etc..... so my lad will be moving out within the next few weeks on the beginning of his life without mummy LMFAO.... maybe I'll move whilst he is gone, cos one thing most dont know is that they often come back home lol.....



Im sure I mentioned Pod, but just incase here he is again... I will add he does NOT do much of this.... sleeping that is lmfao

So, all in all Ive had a busy month........ trying to fit all that around 50 hour working week and hospital appointments and sorting this mob out home here and cooking and cleaning and and and........ not much left at the end of the day for me......... Jebus, I could so do with a holiday or a little bit of loving...... any offers? lol

Way way way to much boring Twaddle for a cold Wednesday evening.......

x

Now I Know That Special Feeling - And The Uninvited Crimbo Dinner Quest..

Ok.......WARNING those of a nervous disposition need not read the second part of this post....

So crimbo is over, we or should I say I took the tree and decs down yesterday..... remember the tree that we went and cut down a few posts earlier.... well, do you know, it was still as fresh as the day we cut it, only a handful of needles fell when we dragged it out the back door... so for 12 quid it was a great buy....

I was up first crimbo day, its different when ya kids are big, no early mornings in this house, and to be honest it was lovely lol..... I got up around 8am and had the house to meself to start sorting out the crimbo dinner...me lads didnt get up until around 11am lol..... but as I tiptoed down the stairs and turned on the tree lights, I could only smile.... the smile on my face was huge, I was right pathetic....

ya see, let me tell ya why...... there were pressies under the tree, just as every year.... pressies from me to me lads and from me lads to me and to each other..... that is how crimbo has always been in this house.... my lads only get pressies from me since the X left, they no longer get gifts from my X or his family, and my parents being dead they obviously dont get pressies from them, and my brothers and sister never bother.........

Ive never had a pressie under the tree from anyone else except me lads, not even when I was married.... even though there were loads for him..... he would sometimes get me a pressie that I use to HAVE to open at his parents house, cos we use to have to go there every crimbo with his whole family, WHICH I HATED MORE THEN LIFE ITSELF....

Anyways...... this crimbo when I tiptoed down the stairs and put the tree lights on I just stood there smiling, cos you see, this year for the first year as far back as I can remember there was 2 other pressies under the tree, 2 pressies that actually had been wrapped and had a label on with MY NAME upon it....



This is how the parcel from the Toadies in America arrived lol my postman Brian loved it....

The Toadies had sent me a crimbo parcel all the way from America..... and ToriZ and Kelly had sent me a crimbo pressie all the way from Wales lol... they arrived the week before christmas and how I stopped myself from opening them when they arrived I will never know.... I gently placed them under the tree and every single day up to crimbo I would pick them up and shake them and smile and smile.... how pathetic am I LOL.... it wouldnt of mattered if it was a bottle of bleach that had been wrapped, it wouldnt of mattered it if was a bloody old smelly pair of socks, or a tub of old age anti wrinkle cream lol, what mattered was that there was a pressie under me tree with a label on with MY NAME on... someone had taken the time to think of me at christmas.... so....... Now I Know That Special Feeling that others must feel at christmas time... now I know, and I liked that feeling, it was a first for me.... what a pathetic saddo of a person I truely am LOL - and of course the loverly flowers that Intense guy had sent.... so I thank you Toadies and ToriZ and Intense for giving me a 'first' and making me realise what Ive been missing all these years LOL

Anyways enough of all that......



Me lads and the compulsary crimbo photo lol

Crimbo dinner and the preparation to many seems like hard work, but to me its just like doing a Sunday Roast but on a bigger scale and extra trimmings.... we are very laid back here, we dont get stressed out, if dinner aint ready on time then it aint ready, and usually me 3 old lads bugger off to the pub for a quick pint just before dinner (as do almost all british blokes) but this year they didnt.... so dinner was in the oven and we had a few pressies to open..... I had bought Jacob a Wii and all the bits that go along with it for his main pressie, then bits and pieces of mainly BMX stuff.... and Sam had an Xbox 360 and all the bits for his main pressie and then others bits and pieces to open...... Ben and Tom for the first year ever had dosh off me for their main pressie so they could buy what they wanted in the sales, but seeing as they didnt need or want for anything they shoved it in their savings..... but I did also buy them half a dozen bits and bobs so they had somethings to open.... they also all still get crimbo stockings LMFAO.... and my Jacob, bless his little cotton socks had done me a crimbo stocking from father christmas full of lovely bits lol



Sam and Ben with a few of their bits..



Ben, Tom and Jacob... as you can see, Sam and Jacob had warm winter hats in their stockings which didnt come off their heads all christmas day LOL

Dinner was ready, the table set..



and it was Toms turn to carve the turkey.....



We were all stuffed and was just sitting around the table chatting..... Tom was taking some photos..... and then THAT IS WHEN we realised we had an UNINVITED dinner guest...... we didnt know at first.... not until Tom had taken a few photos and was checking to see if they had come out....... the guest didnt knock on the door, the guest didnt come dressed for the occasion... the guest was not invited....... but one thing the univited guest did to, and that was FREAK US ALL OUT lol.....

Ya see.... we aint normal in this house, not where photos are concerned.... so, as Tom was sitting at the table after finishing his food he decided to take a photo inside the Turkey LMFAO.... I have no idea why.... or what his thinking was behind it........ maybe the guest was subconsiously calling him, so that it could be included in the celebrations....... but whatever made Tom take the 'inside the Turkey' photo....... one thing is for sure..... that is where we found the uninvited dinner guest......

See if you can see the guest.... the guest that had been hiding in our Turkey all through dinner, the guest that only made itself know after we had eaten..... and you tell me you wouldnt be freaked out by what you see......



Click on the photo to enlarge and you can see the EYES looking out, we think we had more then one guest inside the turkey, we think there were a family of them.... can you see the EYES.... real eyes...... not just a bit of turkey innards, but REAL BLOODY EYES inside our turkey......

Tom took another photo at the same angle and there was nuffin there...... our uninvited dinner guests had gone back from whence they came...... FREAKY OR WHAT.......

So...... crimbo was nice, quiet but nice...... Tom's girlfriend came round for the evening and we roasted chestnuts and drank and for someone that rarely drinks I seemed to have been in a slightly drunken haze most of the holidays lol.... I was hoping that me soul was wrapped up under me tree, but alas, me soul is still lost....

I love this photo lol..... my Tom and Jacob both fell asleep late crimbo afternoon and we played an air-horn to wake them up lol it scared the poo out of them and this is the photo as they awake from their sleep lol



I think my Jacob and Tom look so much alike, they dont think so though.... but I do....especially as they have both grown their hair longish..look at the looks of surprise on their faces lol



This is Bens crimbo stuffed belly LMFAO



Young love....... Sigh......... I would settle for a bit of old love meself LMFAO



Bens thinking 'sod off mum' LOL

When I thought they couldnt possibly eat anything more...... they wanted crackers and cheeses LOL



So.........next crimbo when you are carving your Turkey, have a peek up its bum and have a proper look inside, cos you just dont know who might of invited themselves to dinner and are hiding inside ya turkey :)

I have a feeling this might be our last crimbo all together.... Im glad I savioured every last second of it..... it certainly will be a lovely memory to keep with me in my old age......

Im back at work today....... ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so ya see, me knight in shining armour didnt come and whisk me away from all this lol.......



Hope you had a good one....... oh, thats my Sam as father christmas, like he thought we wouldnt know it was him lol

Now this long boring Twaddle makes up for the short previous post lol...

x

Chestnuts Roasting On Our Open Fire....

Ok - we have done much of the above....... roasting chestnuts on our open fire in our antique chestnut pan.... and YES, that is me fire and me chestnuts...and NO I didnt burn me house down, only nearly LOL

And for someone that rarely RARELY drinks, I seem to of been drinking copious amounts of this....



oh, and before I forget...... HAPPY BLOODY NEW YEAR ........ now lets open another bottle of red :)



X

PS...... who says I cant do short posts (Buff) LOL