Welcome To The Morgue....... Part I

Ok......... So.... the 9th April saw me hospital bag packed with stuff I might need and stuff I probably didnt need....me blankie, and me chicken books, me novels and me 'how to make the perfect compost'.... A pile of HUGE,WHAT I refer to as 'hospital knickers' ya know, those big comfortable ones that ya can stretch and pull up under ya armpits..I know, I know, dont do nuffin for sexy but jebus are they soul food for ya bum lol....

Me matie Sharon with her 10 year old Chloe picked me up, they was me carriage into the house of death :)....

I was in good spirits, but deep inside I was wellabit scared for various reasons.... one, having to go through this on me own, and two cos of the shit thats happened before under operation conditions.... we so laffed on the way to the hospital.... its a bugger of a place to get to, its the old Military Hospital in Gosport... ya know with armed guards on the security gates and form filling in just to get the car into the base without it being taken away and blown up lol

So, we gets there a little late, but I decided to give Sharon and little Chloe a tour of the acres and acres of grounds and a look at the beautiful old buildings etc.... me, well I LOVE old buildings but to me peasant maties they dont mean squatt lol...



See, aint the side of that building just lovely....

Me matie had never been into Haslar before... and for the untrained eye it can be a bit of a shock..... its not like our QA (Queen Alexander) Hospital at Cosham, which is like 6 beds to a ward etc..... Haslar still has the old 24 bed military wards, with 20 foot arched ceilings and windows high above the ground so unless ya stand on ya bed ya cant see out.... it still has the 'Doctors Station' in the middle of the ward, and sometimes its a mixed ward with blokes to the left of the main arch and hotties to the right.... well, if ya can call elderly hip and knee patients well into their 70-80s hotties LOL..... Jebus I so should of gone 'private' lol

I dont know if anyone but a handful of you would know the famous well British institute of comedy films back in the day called 'The Carry Ons'.... well the wards in Haslar are very much like the Carry On Nurse Film, and at any moment one expected Hattie Jakes and Barbara Winsor or Syd James to come from behind a curtain with a huge injection or something lol...... yep the look on Sharon and Chloe's face said it all LMFAO..



I think this is probably to dark to make out much... but see what I mean about OLD FASHIONED wards.... now, where is that Syd James LMFAO.....

It was a civilian ward, the army orthopedic ward was below us on Level 2.... and no matter how many times I asked during my stay at Haslar they just wouldnt transfer me down a level to be in the Army ward :)...... maybe it was the sight of me HUGE hospital knickers that swayed the balance LOL.....

So, me matie Sharon is a Londoner, and we are in many ways like chalk and cheese.... she dont do animals and most certainly not chickens, she dont do mud and digging, she is a bit of a townie and she most certainly DONT do old fashioned stuff, she likes modern things and laffs at me when I get excited about old buildings and clocks and chickens and all that I wrap myself around...... so, I was just gagging to see her reaction to the ward where I would be staying...... ya see, she aint never been to Haslar before.... and to those of the 'modern magazine age' I just know it was gonna be a bit of a shock..... and I watched her face turn from a smile to a look of horror as we walked down the middle of the huge ward towards Bed Number 3 at the far end that had me name on it.....

As we walked down the middle of this huge ward, to either side were beds upon beds of what seemed like 'little old dead people'.... I seemed to be the youngest occupant by at least 20 years... grey, waxed faces with paper thin skin stared back at us from starched white hospital pillows emblazoned with 'The Property of Haslar' across the neatly folded corner... just incase in a drug infused stated one wondered where one was.... either that or it was to stop anyone stealing the bedding ;) - but thats another story lol....



This is the little 'dead person' that lay opposite me for a few days before I was expelled from 'that end of the ward'.... see how scarey it is.... I was the youngest by at least 20 years.... I didnt wanna be here, I didnt wanna be no crimple.... not old and infirm.... I asked the nurse to please tell me that these people came in like this, with their death masks and they didnt come in young and full of life and get processed into this morgue'ick state post surgery..... she just smile at me and patted my hand...... WTF....

With names like Edna, Doris, Betty, Margret and Edith hanging above their beds like tombstones in a by gone era.... some of these people surely had died in the night and no one had noticed, they lay there, dead still with just the sound of their machines whirling and buzzing around them... teeth in glasses smiled back at us from every bedside cupboard, grinning at us, Chloe swears that she saw one set of choppers open and close as if trying to tell her something.... I told Chloe just to walk straight ahead and just to focus on our destination of Bed 3..... but we could not help but stare and gaze at those beds filled with tiny and not so tiny bodies..nurses scurrying around wiping dribbling mouths and pulling curtains around patients with sounds of 'oh Doris you have slopped all over the bed, you need to sit still on the bedpan' and 'Never Mind Ethel, it will come out in the wash'....

My eyes kept looking at the side of each bed, at those 'bags' hanging there..... Bloody hell, almost everyone had 'AUNTIE MORRIS's hung from their beds in different stages of fullness, hanging and swaying like yellow flags with every squeeze of their elderly bladders...... I needed to go home, I couldnt do this.... I would not be coming out of this place alive.....

~~~Explanation on 'AUNTIE MORRIS'~~~

My Auntie Freda use to have to have a colostomy bag due to becoming disabled later in life.... it use to hang from her wheelchair like some trophy...and we would joke about it, cos there was no getting away from it just staring at ya whilst visiting and enjoying tea and crumpets, as much as one can enjoy tea and crumpets whilst feeling seasick by the motion of the contents inside Auntie Freda's see through 'bag'....... anyways.... there was no other option but to embrace the bag as much as we embraced me Auntie Freda who was me Uncle Daves wife and was, when growing up, more of a mum and dad to me then anyone I had known..... so....

Why did I call 'the bag' AUNTIE MORRIS and not Auntie Freda..... well, ya see, the summer me Auntie took possession of 'the bag', me and some of me maties of the time had all gone down to Southsea Common where there was a vintage car show going on.... ya know, where all these nutters.... opps I mean enthusiasts would show off their cars all polished and shiny for everyone to owww and arhhhh over of a by gone age..... well, I never liked the fancy posh big cars, one of me most favourite little cars was the Morris Minor... a right proper British car... I always looked at them and their funny little rounded shape and have visions of jelly moulds on wheels lol......... anyways..... all these little cars would be displayed with their bonnets up so that we could all comment on the little engines.... well, ya know, an engine is an engine to me, but I was trying to gather the enthusiasum whilst looking under the bonnet... ya know, these saddos.... opps ... these people had taken their time and energy to come and show us their pride and joys, so the least one could do was to pretend to be interested........ and as I looked under the bonnet of a Morris Minor I saw something, something I just couldnt take me eyes off of.... it was a sign..... it had to be..... it was right...... there hanging on the side of the engine was a tube, my eyes followed the tube down until it joined 'a see through bag' yes a plastic sort of bag filled with water.... visions of me Auntie Freda's bag washed over me like a summer shower.... it was a sign.... the little bag in the car contained the windscreen water for washing the windscreen, ya know, ya press a button on the dash and water comes out of the windscreen wipers and it cleans ya screen.... it was almost the exact copy of what hung from me Auntie Freda's wheelchair, only this bag was filled with clear liquid that would be coming out and not yellow liquid going in......

So from that day forth... me Auntie Freda's 'bag' was always referred to as an 'Auntie Morris' in honour of the little Morris Minor car and its bag of windscreen water.........ya know me by now, I seem to have a pet name for most things in life lol...

Anyways, see how I go off on a different track LOL

We continued to slowly walk down the centre of the morgue, slowly making our way to 'my bed' we passed the main desk with smiles from nurses and nods and ticking of forms and as I looked to the left I could see high up in the corner of the arch one single telly, blinking and scrolling up and down with the tune and visions of 'The Telly Tubbies' blaring out from the sunlight.... WTF...... the look on me face must of said what my mind was thinking cos one of the nurses said 'oh thats for Clara, she's a couple of pennies short of a quid and it calms her down......Calms her down, bloody calms her down.... Im sure there was a mistake, surely this was a mental institute ward.. I didnt belong here, or I did.... flashbacks of 'One Flew Over The Cuckcoos Nest' buzzed around me head and I smiled.... maybe I had found where I truely belonged..... maybe I was home LMFAO.......

So, I diverted me eyes to the left, opposite the blinking telly, to see who Clara was that needed calming...... it was not a sight for delicate eyes, I told Chloe to keep walking and not to look.... there in a bed lay what seemed like the tiniest skeleton body that I had ever seen, eyes sunken into dark sockets, with skinny legs dangling out of the sheets, she really should of put on a pair of knickers, those old landing flaps were NOT a sight I really needed to be seeing in my state of mind.... in the coming week this little old lady was to become someone that I sat with for hours and talked to.... she actually wasnt a loonie, she was just scared and in pain and very frightened..... but that first glimpse was sure scarey for me and certainly for Chloe......

We got to me bed..... where I was shown where to put me stuff, to which I replied.... its ok, I dont think I will be staying so I'll just leave me stuff in me bag if thats ok with everyone........ the nurse just smiled at me, and said..... it can be a bit daunting when ya first come in....... Jebus, she had no clue LMFAO....

We sat and answered the same questions on different forms over and over again.... just formal stuff..... we did laff though and the young nurse sort of clung to us like some life line in this mad house.... she did at one point ask me and Sharon if we had been drinking cos we kept laffing, to which young Chloe replied...... nope, Mel dont drink but me mum does get drunk some Saturday nights LMFAO...(the nurse was giggling by now).... they are always like that together..... so Chloe answered the rest of the questions LMFAO....

One Anethetis (that so aint spelt right) ya know one of the people that is responsible for making sure ya either out of it during an op or at least cant feel anything..... well, he came to have a chat.... he must of been about 6'7" and as thin as a pin and he was a little abrupt and matter of fact.... didnt take a shine to him.... and he had the skinniest arse I have ever seen on a bloke.... not that Ive seen many blokes arses but you know what I mean.....

This bloke drew an arrow on me leg, the one that was to be operated on, just to make sure they had the right one..... which Chloe then decided to decorate as a little man LMFAO....



I dont think art school is on the cards for Chloe.... we also wrote.... DO NOT TICKLE on the souls of me feet and......GO NO HIGHER on me thigh LMFAO......which seemed to caused a few laffs in theatre :)

Then the second anethetis bloke came to have a chat, he would be the one putting in the spinal block, ya see, I had decided that I wanted to be awake during the operation, just so that I could keep an eye on what was going on, and to make sure they knew what they were doing..... this second bloke so laffed, and made a comment of...... oh this one is gonna be such fun, Im glad you have choosen to be awake lol.... I told him that I liked his sense of humour and that the other bloke was a 'bit dead' in that department.... and he said.... thats cos HE is army and straight laced... he is in the parachutte regiment and they can be a bit formal so to speak...... he said they would both be doing their 'bedside manners' during me op, so I was to be nice to the other bloke LOL



Here he is..... Mr lack of humour bumless gas chamber army blokie......he wouldnt turn round and let me take a photo of his non-bum lol

All to soon it was time for me matie and Chloe to leave, leave me to simmer in this house of dead people.... we walked back down the centre of the ward, nodding and smiling at waxen faces, that seemed to smile back.... maybe they had heard our laughter from behind the curtains whilst filling in all the forms..... maybe they knew they were indeed still alive and were not in heaven or hell......

All the way down in the lift me matie Sharon kept saying..... Mel, I dont think I can leave you here..... I cant leave you here..... but I knew I had no option, not now I was here..... we clung to each other outside in the car park.... she was sobbing as was Chloe and the tears just ran and ran down me face, my body shook and heaved with sobs.... I didnt wanna stay here on me own.... I just wanted to go home.... Sharon peeled herself off me and climbed in the car, trying to smile and say encouraging words to me.... all the time with tears streaming down her face, Chloe was inconsoleable.... and was shouting... mum dont leave Mel here dont leave Mel here..... I told her just to go, just to go and I would ring tomorrow.... little did she realise I would be ringing within the hour with plea's to come and get me, begging her to come and spring me from this place.......as she drove away, waving frantically out of the window with shouts of WE LOVE YOU..... I sat down on the stone steps, tears running down me face.... I sat on these steps for almost an hour, trying to compose meself, trying not to feel the lonelieness creep within my soul.... thinking of how for over 200 years people have sat on the same steps thinking the same thoughts......

After an hour, I pulled meself together and wandered back to E6, which was to be me home for the next 8 days...... I was met with smiles from the nurse, she could see me red swollen tear stained face.. she knew....she smiled and said.... dinner is on its way.... yours would of been ordered for you this morning as you were not here to choose..... get something inside ya, it will make ya feel better........ little did she know, I hadnt eaten for 2 days cos I have this fear of BEDPANS LOL and I always think, if ya dont eat for a few days before going into hospital then ya've less chance of needing the 'dreaded' bedpan........ one of the things on me list that I DONT DO lmfao....

So..... me dinner came.... I knew before I even lifted the silver dome on me tray that there would be a sign for me there.... a sign, waiting for me to unravel and figure out........ and sure enough..... there was a sign..... ya see...... on both me wrists not only was there me hospital braclets with me name and age and hospital number on, but there was also a bright RED tag stating that I was allergic to PORK and geletine..... couldnt get clearer then that...... its like a peanut allergy.... pork or geletine could kill me..... and as I lifted the dome to see what dinner there was that I was not going to eat anyways cos of the 'bedpan plan' I was faced with SWEET AND SOUR PORK..... LMFAO..... hahahhahahaha..... its a sign I tell ya.... the look on me face must of been a look of horror...... whats the matter love the dinner trolley bloke said.... dont ya like the look of it.......... emmmmmm, I said, I aint being picky or anything and I dont like to make a fuss, but you do realise I DONT DO PORK dont ya, *waving both me red wrist bands at him* oh my he said..... that could of been a bit dodgy..... ok love, he said... looking at the back of the trolley.... there's another dinner back here..... do ya like sausages with mash....... mint and lamb sausages, I ask?....... opps he said..... nah they are pork and apple LMFAO......... well..... it was truely a sign for sure...... so I didnt have me last supper.... ya know, ya last rights, ya last meal before 'death day'..... it was a sign of what the week would unfold, Im now sure of that.... which bit of PORK WILL KILL ME didnt they get lmfao......



Yep, it clearly states in red PORK ALLEGRY lmfao....

I could see I would have to be watching out for meself in this place.... so the safety barriers went up and me hard head came on and the alarms were set.....

Tiz ok I mumble to the bloke..... I dont think Im up to eating anyways.... so as the elderly slurped and sucked their way through mountains of sweet and sour pork, all I had in my head was visions of stinking overflowing bedpans the following day....

So, instead of sitting and listening to pork being gummed to death and sponge puddings mashed to a pulp and sucked down, I wandered back down the ward cos I had spied a 'visitors room' at the end of the ward.... in which was a telly and some of those upright 'elderly chairs' which were actually wellabit comfortable lol.... maybe I would watch the evening news with its coverage of war and death and destruction at least it would take me mind off of the death camp and the disfunction that had surrounded me on E6...... UNTIL.... an hour later when this old bent double lady came hobbling into the room with her zimmer frame (another thing I WAS NOT going to have).... I said hello as she sat opposite me and asked me to turn the telly over cos there was a programme she wanted to watch, and me being the nice person I am thought, ok, well she has right of passage cos she had by the look of her bandages already 'been done'...... so I sat through some crap programme whilst trying to make pleasant conversation with this lady that must of been about 87..... she said her name was Florence (alarm bells going off cos of the name lmfao - those that know KNOW ;) - ) and I told her me name was Melody..... she then asked what I was in for, which I told her..... and then that started her off on some rambling mumbling speech about..... how I ought to not have it done and how I should just get me bags and go home NOW... AND how much the pain tore through ones body and how the younger ya are having it done it actually was harder and more fierce cos they pull ya around and hammer ya bones like ya was an old iron bridge.... she went on and on about bedpans and wee bags and drips and pain and the crap food and how she had wet her self every night.......... in the end I could stand it no more........ I stood up..... and looked around to make sure no one else was within ear shot......... FLORENCE I started off politely...... *still looking around to check I faced this old lady alone*...... Florence..... not being funny and hoping not to sound rude, but would you mind just shutting the FUCK UP..... please go away and do NOT speak to me.... go on.... now shoooo..... get out of here.... you are banned from this room until tomorrow....... go on..... you heard me...... out Out OUt BLOODY OUT.... with that she upped, turned tail and zimmer framed out of me life..... I never saw Florence again... I dont know what became of her.... but people like that so should not be allowed to mixed with the people that had yet to 'be done'...... I know it was rude, I know I swore, I know she was old and infirm..... but at that moment in time...... I DIDNT GIVE A DAM ABOUT anyone but meself......

I stayed in that telly room until 2 in the morning..... I texted me matie Sharon asking her to come get me.... I text me matie Sharkie to tell him how scared I was...... I texted 5 other maties....... and they just all left me to simmer in me own fears......

Cos tomorrow was another day...... it was THE DAY..... and I had to face it alone.....

~~~~to be continued~~~~


Doubt anyone has read down to here LMFAO....... but I just had to get this down for the record..... the next post will contain disgusting photos of the actually operation.....

Yes, me and me camera became a standing joke around the ward....... :) I was nicknamed the japenese holidaymaker LMFAO.......

peace......... X

Tiz Me....

Ok........ I came home late yesterday afternoon..... things did not go as smoothly as expected, but hey, this is me we are talking about and its par for the course with me lol....

I cant type for long, cos Im wellabit poorly at the moment....BUT... Im home.... not sure if thats a good thing yet or not LMFAO.... and get that word 'stubborn' right out ya heads lol



This little badge was on me 'Get Well Card' from me matie Sharon and Mark...

I want to fank everyone for their outpouring of love and best wishes and thoughts.... I will get around to answering the previous comments..... but please give me a few days, I aint up to much at the moment...

I had to be rushed back to theatre late Saturdee night cos of certain things and they had to unstaple the first 7 inches of staples and have a fiddle and restaple, but its caused a few problems, so Im gonna have to try and fight harder in this recovery.....

Anyways, Im rambling... sorry......

Fanks you blobbers.... Ive been gobsmacked by your thoughts and wishes.....its been very overwhelming this morning reading them......

Enuff Twaddle for a bright sunny Thursday..... x

ps....... ((((Ake))))) your card arrived at the hospital 15 minutes before I was discharged.... ITS A SIGN RIGHT? :) its a sign - and great quess on the hospital address ;).... love you...

PPS.... I took me camera into theatre with me for the first op....... it was a first request me surgeon had had before LOL.... and oh my, the photos are amazing :)... I make a great photographic director lol....

Whatcha Doing Tomorrow, Aye? Wanna Swap Places....

Sorry I aint been around ya blobs of late, maybe this will explain a little... I have had so much to suss and sort out this past week, and I still have a housefull of minded nippers today, whilst trying to make sure the house and everything is ready...... ready for what I here ya ask....


Ok......... So, when I was younger I use to play womans football.... or soccer as doodles would call it, which is just such a daft name for FOOTBALL.... anyways, I played at a high level for near on 10 years....

Everyone thinks that womans football is a new thing, oh how wrong they are.... its been around for over a 100 years....

Ive always liked football, ever since I can remember, and I use to go watch Pompey play every week I could.... and shout from the stands and drink hot steaming mugs of bovril in the bitter cold winter months....

From the age of 14 up until I was expecting me first son, I played every weekend and we use to train twice a week, our coach was also the coach of the Pompey youth squad so we was spoilt and use to have the use of the facilities at Fratton Park, the home of Portsmouth Football Club....

It was my passion, it was my life, it was all I had in life that kept me going in my younger years when I still lived at home..... in all those years of football, my parents had never once watched me play, not even when we got to cup finals or even came to the Player of The Year Presentation Evenings, which I won 4 years on the trot.... oh well, it was what it was.... at least Peter Marinello who was my footballing hero came to present me with me award :)..

I can honestly say, those were the best years of me life..... if I could turn back time and pick, then I would without hesitation go back to those times..... I LOVED being part of a close knit group... good friends, wonderful friends, fun times, oh and some drunken nights I can tell ya lol

Our team played all over Europe in different competitions..... we use to get invited to wonderful European Womans Football Tournaments..... it was my world, it was where I fitted in, it was where I was comfortable...... god I so miss those days of belonging....

I was called up for England Trials, but at the time there was no way I could financially afford the trainfare all the way to Liverpool..... and my parents made it so that I didnt get there....... never mind aye lol...... that would of been the icing on the cake to of Played for England...

Anyways, where's this going......before I go off into dreamland and down memory lane, cos I now have so many pictures in me head of times with me football maties......

I will say, and I dont know for what reason Im even saying it.... that.... out of our squad of 18 players there was only 3 of us that were 'straight' the rest of me maties was all very butch looking and manly.... I suppose the sport back then was more a 'mans game'... I can honestly say those maties will live in my heart a lifetime... and when these maties all came to me wedding in 'man suits' LMFAO it was just the funniest ever, me parents of course having never been to one of me matches when younger didnt know me friends and me Aunties and Uncles was talking to me maties like they was blokes, THEY HAD NO clue they was me girlfriends LMFAO....... laffing now just remembering..... to funny....

I should of gone through me photos and found some of me football photos.... oh well....

So back to the NOWish......... non of the people I have in me life now knew that I use to play football at such a high standard.... these are new maties, like 15-20 year maties..... they didnt know me when I was younger and sporty.... all our lads use to play football for our village teams in different age groups, so we all use to tag along and watch, my lads also played cricket in the summer and rugby and field hockey and Tchoukball... so it was hard as a single mum to ferry everyone around and be there for every match, but I did what was humanly possible....

Every year our village Youth Football clubs have a 'fun day' to raise well needed cash to keep the club running, and this usually consists of mini football tournaments and side stalls and bouncy castles and things, its a great fun day.... so me and me maties would all go and watch and help...... well a few years back, probably about 5 years ago.... one matie had a crazy idea that it would be funny if the 6 of us entered in one of the mini tournaments against the blokes team that wanted to play, ya know, just for a bit of a laff.....

Well, no one and I mean NO ONE knew that I was still a nifty football player, its like riding a bike, ya NEVER forget... so I didnt say anything except that I was game for it..... so it was arranged.... the blokes all had matching shirts and football boots and we was just in jeans and trainers, the blokes was all laffing and making fun and saying male comments about woman and football..... oh my, what a surprise they had instore LOL......

I hadnt forgotten a thing, I dribbled and tackled and passed and oh my, our other maties on the sidelines was shouting and was a little gobsmacked that I COULD ACTUALLY PLAY lol...... so...... 20 yards out, I dribbled around Colin who I left on the floor and took a poke at goal.... the goalie was off his line and I thought I could curl it over his head, Im a left footed footie player and as I kicked it seemed the whole crowd went silent and everyone on the field just stopped dead in their tracks and watched the ball........ *HUGE SMILE*.... it went right over the goalies head into the goal.... GOALLLLLLL GOALLLLLL the cheers where amazing.....

So as I turned in me victory salute, me foot firmly planted in the wet ground, my body turned but my foot didnt, and as I turned I heard something in me knee make a loud popping sound, even the bloke on the sideline 6 foot from me heard it......

I had only snapped me acl and me pcl which are the 2 main ligaments that run though ya knee joint... obviously I didnt know that at the time, I just knew that I couldnt play in the next match and that it took me 30 minutes to hobble the 200 yards home.... most people that snap these things have to have an ambulance cos of the pain, but I have such a high pain threshold its scarey at times.... within hours me knee was the size of a rugby ball..... and three ops later to try and sort things out without major surgery, it was decided that I would have to have reconstruction using me hamstring for new ligament..... well those that know me knows of the troubles I went through for 2 years with those ops.... trouble from the start, weeks and weeks in hospital and in icu a year of an open wound numerous exploritories and scraping outs to the bone, and 2 years of physio ...the hospital uses my case in educational talks as 'The Worst That Can Happen When Things Go Wrong' so at least someone benefits from me Xrays and notes lol..... anyways that was all sussed and sorted eventually..... and with the aid of a $1000 knee brace (which NO I didnt have to pay a penny for FANKS National Health Service) I was able to get back to me much loved sport of Tchoukball, which was my passion about 4 years ago.... and back to hiking and everything, even though the reconstruction was a little tight and I couldnt lift me knee back as far as usual, but no limp no nuffin, back to me sports and life......

Was all that pain and trouble and life threatening experience worth it.... YOU BET THE BLOODY HELL IT WAS.... to of scored that goal that amazing goal when no one even knew I could play football.... yeah it was worth it..... its mentioned every year at the annual footie funday :).....

UNTIL..... 18 months ago when I was jumping over things lol...... when me right leg that just didnt make the jumping over the huge beanbag, it caught the top and I went flying over and landed on me left knee on me stone kitchen floor with such force that I actually heard and felt the cartiledge shatter.... oh my..... oh bugger..... soooooooo after 3 ops trying to save what little cartiledge I had left, a year ago they decided to remove it all, and they left me knee just bone on bone LOL...... but, hey, I have a high pain tolerance :)..... but over the months it did become painful and put a stop to me beloved Tchoukball and hiking and all the things I loved..... and since coming back from Maine last summer, things got worse and me hobble was the mickey take of me maties and I just put up with the pain...

Me maties use to call me Forest after me acl reconstruction cos I use to wear this special knee brace (just for sports) but now they call me Quasi, cos I hobble along, I DONT use a stick, nope nope no way.... I would use one for hiking though lol....

I missed me sports and me hiking so very much, and life was different, and I wasnt ready for me pipe and slippers, it was suppose to be my time in life, after years of struggling raising me 4 lads alone, it was suppose to be coming towards the time when I could be let to fly it was to be my time...... so the saddness in the core of my soul was crushing at times....... and I longed to be the person I was, the sporty person that loved hiking with the scouts over the downs the football crazy lover, the Tchoukball player that loved this sport with a passion.... I just wanted me back.... but I was scared.... scared as shit.... passed from one consultant to another, being told that it was a total knee replacement that was needed, but also being shoved from consultant to consultant cos they were not willing to perform this much needed surgery on someone my age.... they wanted me to wait a few more years..... a few more years of hobbling around from A to B, a few more years of excrutiating pain.... well FUCK THEM.....



This is what the inside of me knee will look like once they have cut the end of the femur off and the top of the tibia.... and stripped out all the ligiments.... there will be a 10 inch scar running down the front of me leg, wont exactly match the scars on me right knee DAM lol..... and Im way pass wearing a yellow poka dot bikini, and scars are the roadmaps of ones life right?

So, I was passed to Mr A Langdown, a wonderful surgeon someone that believed that if ya needed it done no matter what ya age then ya needed it done..... so...... thats where I find meself..... last Wednesday I had what I thought was a routine chat with him, only to be told that like it or not, I was gonna have surgery this coming Wednesday before its to late...... he knows Im stubborn, he knows Im scared, he knows Im feisty its all in me notes, he showed them to me LMFAO..... he knows this will be a change after recovery to give me back a little bit of life before I get to old for it to of be any use... before I have to go out and buy slippers and a pipe.....

He works out of the military hospital over in Gosport.... its where I had me acl pcl reconstruction surgery and all me other little ops....

Except he has said 8-10 weeks off work I DONT THINK SO..... a year to full recovery I DONT THINK SO.... so Ive set meself 3 weeks off work... I can still work on crutches if need be...well, with me older nippers....7-10 days in hospital I DONT THINK SO and I need to get back to hiking by the summer.... I will need to get away from here to recharge me batteries come summer..... I might take meself off to Cornwall on me own in a little cottage by the sea and try and figure out what I want to do with the rest of me life before its passed me by completely without the 'my time'.... Ive been there for everyone else all me life, especially this past 7 or so years on me own... I want, I need 'my time' to come before its to late......

When I was first told a year ago that this op is in my future I remember feeling devastated..... to me it was what little old ladies had to keep them mobile, I needed to be much more then bloody mobile, I needed to hike and play sports and charge around like Ive always done - I remember sobbing in front of me matie (which is unheard of) she was a little scared LOL Mel dont cry, Mel is 'well ard' - I remember Ann saying - oh shut up, what ya crying for.... I said, I wont be able to ever go sking - she said when was ya thinking of going sking - I said, never, I dont like sking, I cant think of anything worse - so she says, so whats the problem then..... and I says.... well I might of wanted to go and now I cant, with that we just burst out laffing and giggling - she called me a silly cow....... but it stopped me tears.....

I know I wont ever beable to play football again cos Im a left footer and the surgeon has already told me thats a NO NO so not more football fundays for me .....

So, whatcha doing this Wednesday..... getting ya hair cut? getting ya nails done? having coffee with ya maties? working ya socks off?...... this is what Im doing....



Except Im going into HRH Haslar which is the Naval Hospital...... it was built in 1753 as a military hospital and has been serving this countries military wounded and poorly for centuries....... the buildings look like the old work house buildings.... or some mental institute.... sounds like Im in the right place lol....

I was use to being around naval staff and men in uniforms, I worked for the Ministry of Defence(Navy) for 10 years before kids.... and me lads were members of the Naval Cadets...



Most of the buildings there now were built in the 1800s and at the turn of the 1900s - a bit different to the modern hospitals we are use to today...they still have ward matrons with the big pork pie hats and the wards are SPOTLESS... many wounded military go through the security gates



This I think is the physio block..

The buildings are beautiful but dont be fooled by the old look from the outside, inside its an amazing hospital, its mostly naval staff and naval surgeons so there is a lot of uniforms etc, and we all know 'all the nice girls love a sailor' lol or how the song goes.... I know Im in the best hands, but its a tad scarey after all whats gone on before.... but Im hoping that come Wednesday...... Dear Mr A. will give me the first day of me life back, a long hard road to recovery but, when I put me mind to something I can be a stubborn cow..... stubborn is me middle name....

I wasnt sure how I was going to get to the hospital cos me best maties will all have my minded nippers..... well, but now, whats gonna happen is that Ann will have 16 nippers in her house thats her minded, my minded and Sharons minded nippers, whilst Sharon drops me off, oh shut up, it will only be for just over an hour or so lol...... she wont be able to stay and will just have to drop me off at the military security gate...cos she will have to hurry back before Ann goes insane with so many kids lol... but at least I wont have to make me own way there.......

I have no clue as to how Im gonna get home once Im released or once I sign meself out LOL.... last major op me mad matie Wendy sprung me and we escaped, I can move pretty fast on crutches if I have to.... they nicknamed us 'Thelma and Disease' LMFAO true story.....well, I just wanted to go home lol

Im will be going home to no heating or hot water in the house cos the central heating is buggered and the bloke just aint been out from the manufacturers to suss and sort it out, so that wont be much fun, cos is FREEZING here LOL......



This is my most favourite song at the moment... it hangs in my soul everytime I hear it...it twists and turns and rumbles around my core...

So for me Gumbie maties......you know how special you are to me.. you know who you are...and how much I truely LOVE YOU and how far we have all come together..... and this is especially for me dear dear matie Sharkie..... love you... always..... OXO

I have to be ok, cos Im all me lads have, they have no one else....I will miss my Toms birthday on Thursday so that will be a first :(

Anyways, Im rambling here now, so I will love ya all and leave ya, I wont be here to answer any comments from when I log off this morning, I wont be back on line, as I have much to do..... Ive got a big day ahead tomorrow and I aint even packed me new hospital knickers lol

Be well, be safe....... and fanks...... its been a wonderful ride.......

Twaddling over and out... x

WTF Just WTF...... lol

Ok........ So last April here in England was the hottest since records began....which was closely followed by the wettest 3 months on record - well everyone knows that we are famous for our unpredictable weather.....

Anyway 4 or so weeks ago down here in the South of England, Spring arrived in all its glory...early and in March.... crisp early mornings but warm sunny bright days, days that made the daffs bloom early and tiny beautiful birds arrive, like a JennyWren that I saw in the bush, they are the most sweet tiny little birds, and I even saw a tiny little Nuthatch land on the fence, and we have this almost tame Blackbird that comes everyday to be fed, last year it nested in me twat neighbours garden and it would bring its young over into my garden for breakfast....



The mini daffs in me garden...

I have this Robin that comes into me garden whom I call 'Red' I'd seen him arrive about 5 weeks ago...he now comes everyday.... just the one, cos they are very territorial, and they have their own patch..... Im glad 'Red' chose me garden as his patch.... even me cats aint bothered with him.... and he flys down onto the grass just a few feet from where me cats sit... he is a well cool Robin... either that or a mental case lol - he sits in the little tree near me garden table and when I sit out in the garden he ALWAYS come to the tree and sings to me..... shut up, he really does, and he makes me think that everything will be ok in life.... with his bright red breast and his beautiful songs.... I believe he sings them just for me, to cheer me up....





So there I was 3 weeks ago - taking 10 minutes to meself with me mug of tea and me book sitting in the sunshine on a lazy sunday afternoon.... Whilst the rest of the country was in the middle of snow and floods and storms, in this tiny little pocket of England we basked in the sunshine and warmth....

Here is Red me little Robin...... Robins here they are tiny and fat and puffy and cute not nuffin like what they are in the States.... Doodle Robins look more like our starlings..... where as ours are little tiny red and brown balls of fluff....

The thing is, trying to get 10 minutes to meself is almost impossible, cos as soon as I sit in the garden chair and pick up me book, both me cats come and try and sit on me lap and Janet and Mabel me Chickens come and flap around me feet and sit by the side of the chair...... well I suppose they love me..... woooo hooooo Im loved, be it only by animals lol.....



Here is the little almost tame blackbird, he was here for breakfast....



Janet and Mabel eating grapes for breakfast.....



Janet just LOVES marmite on toast.....



Basking in the March sunshine....

So ya see, me break in the garden aint really a break, cos as soon as I sit down Im surrounded by animals needing my love and attention lol....

So.......... since that sunshine we have had bitter cold spells, gale force severe winds, that took me fence down, torrential rain that caused floods through out the country....

But this week looked more promising.... the past few days the weather has been gorgeous.... just gorgeous.... dare I venture to say 'hottish'........



This was FatCat Friday, when I got back from the school run with the nippers....

Sooooooooooo........ this morning....... I got up fairly early, even though Im so very knackered, but I have a lot to do and I wanted to get out in me garden and plant the few pots of plants I had bought...ya see, I wont beable to do that for a while and I needed to get them planted..... I bunged the kettle on and looked out the window.....

WTF..........from beautiful bright warm sunshine yesterday to this....



Holy cow...... where the hell had that come from........ they said on the telly last night that we might get a splattering of snow.... but ya talking about the South of England, ya know, a splattering is like 1/4 inch......



This is out of me bedroom window.... my car is the last on the left up the lane a little....



See well proper snow, about 5 inches deep.... thats me footprint lol me feet aint really that big I had on my Sams skateshoes lol....



This is me tree of life that is at the bottom of me garden...... aint it beautiful...



This is the chair that FatCat was sitting in only yesterday in brilliant warm sunshine...



My poor yellow spring Japonica... that only yesterday was waving its tall stems laidened with bright yellow puff balls heralding in the spring, now it lay under a blanket of snow.... I hope it will be ok.....

As I type this Im a little sad, cos all me lads have gone out, they have gone to Butser hill to go sledging.... cos they know it probably wont be here tomorrow.... cos the sun is already high in the sky and already ya can see it beginning to melt.... but Im sad, cos I so would love to have gone with me lads.... but I cant, cos of me knee.... Im to much of a liability...... and that makes me sad....Knowing my luck I would tumble down the side of Butser Hill into 'Grandads Bottom' which is a steep unaccessable sheer drop, and that would mean helicopters and fuss LOL...... we dont get snow often.... I might not get this chance to share a day on butser with me lads again..... sigh.........

So, our fickle British weather never ceases to amaze me....

Now, if only me twat neighbour should show the top of his scrawny head over the fence, cos I have this pile of snowballs just ready for such an occasion lol..... go on, call me childish, does it look like Im bovvered ...... :)

The last time we had snow like this, enough to go sledging on Butser Hill was back when my Jacob was 6/7 the year me X left us, and we went to butser to scream at the world..... I wonder if its a sign, this snow.... who is gonna leave me now.... shit, I hate those signs...... or maybe, its me that is gonna leave......



Oh, before I go......... please I want you ALL to pop over to Sharkies Blob SharkTales and say hello and bookmark him, cos I think good things will be coming out of that there blob..... DO IT NOW..... cos unless people know he is there, he aint gonna get no readers :).....scroll back and read the few posts to catch up - this is gonna be a wonderful blob when he puts his mind to it.. so please nip over and have a butchers..

Ok, enough Twaddle for a snowy Sunday........ X

ADDENDUM ....

FICKLE OR WHAT - I TOLD YA IT WAS ALREADY MELTING... When I went to let me chickens out of their pen.... Its like a heatwave out there now lol



This was an hour and half ago just before I nipped to Iceland (no not the country its a freezer shop) to stock up for when I aint here....



The girls were a bit confused with the wet and snow....



And this is how it was when I got back about 10 minutes ago.... almost gone.... NOW how strange is that, from blizzard conditions this morning to almost heatwave LOL...



At least me yellow fluff ball shrub seems non the worse for its blanket of morning snow.... who would of thought it was bent double this morning under the weight of the snow.....

OK...... now scroll back up AND GET YA ARSES over to Sharkies place......

x

Especially For Me Matie Toadie.....Or Anyone That Gives A Dam...

Ok....... I have this friend called Toadie, Toadie and his family live left of the staples in America and I love this little family to death....well, one thing ya have to know about Toadie is his LOVE of all things English, I swear he must of been British in a former life..... so this post I give to you Toadie..... just a little snippet of my world.....

Exactly 3 miles from where I live is a little village called Southwick (pronounced 'Suvik' with my accent lol)





Here is the little village church....

Its a beautiful but a strange and rare little village..... Southick is nestled in the middle of hundreds of acres of farmland and woods, collectively called 'The Southwick Estate' and get this.... the whole shabang is owned by one person...including all the land.... yep thats right every single house is owned by one person, he lives somewhere in London but he owns the whole dam village.... he inherited it about 10 years ago from his elderly aunt...... everything in the village is owned by this one man.... even the 2 pubs the church the village shop and every single cottage in the village and the little cottages scattered in the woods.... like the 250 year old game keepers cottage in the middle of the woods where me matie lives.....



The Red Lion Pub....which serve the most delicous meals...



The Golden Lion Pub........ aint it strange that BOTH pubs are 'lions' lol

So no one that lives in any of the houses actually owns them, they are all rented from the Estate..... and most, not all, but most of the people that live in the houses actually work in some way for the Estate...... in the olden days they would of ALL worked in some way for the estate and up at the big house.....

Now, dont that just sound well old fashioned lol..... my friend that lives in the game keepers cottage in the middle of the woods, well her husband is actually the game keeper lol but she is a teacher outside the village.... if their house they rent went up for sale it would cost easily in the region of £500,000 (million $) - but everyone that lives in one of the cottages pay just a minimal rent.... VERY VERY tiny rents......

Also anyone that lives in the houses and cottages never get thrown out as they grow old, they are allowed to live in the cottages rent free from when they are to old to work...... and when they die they are allowed to pass on their rent books to a member of their family only IF the estate does not have someone else that works for them needing the cottage....

Anyways...... my matie Wendy who is one of me bestest maties, well her sister lives in one of the cottages cos her hubby is Estate Manager... her house is to DIE for lol...........



My maties sister's house is the one this end of the village green, its beautiful inside and out....

Nestled behind a high flint wall tucked behind the church is actually a Naval Base, its been there since WWII.... let me explain..... the main Manor house in Southwick was taken over during WWII as a base for all the high class war men to congregate and plan the war.... Churchill spent a lot of time there as did that doodle bloke Eisenhower... plotting and planning the war.... the D-Day landings were all planned in the White Southwick house...and there are tunnels underneath connecting them to bunkers and to one of the Forts ontop of Portsdown hill....which is about a mile away.... and the grounds to the house were built on as a naval base, where my lads use to go to Naval Cadets..... the Estate is fighting now to reclaim its land.... and I do think that HMS DRYAD as its called might be at long last moving out.....cos it rightfully belonged to the Southwick Estate and the Ministry SHOULD GIVE IT BACK....

The White house still holds all the War Stuff exactly how it was back in the early 40s like a little musuem......

So people that drive though the little village of Southwick will notice that EVERY door to EVERY cottage, house, pub ALL are painted in the same colour.... maroon :) its their trade mark lol....... even the game keepers house in the woods and my other maties (whose kid I use to childmind) who live in a HUGE beautiful farm house with acres and acres of land just on the edge of Creech wood and that 200 year old house even has its doors painted maroon :)..... its hard to really capture the image of this village on a blob.....



See the door :)

Its a proper English village as I can imagine Toadie has in his head, unlike the one I live in which is very much built up now, even though we still have some amazing houses in this one, but in Southwick they are ALL about 200 years old or older.... every single one.....



This tiny row of cottages during the summer has old buckets full of cut flowers for sale from their gardens and its where I buy my flowers in the summer months...

I probably drive though the village at least once a week, at least, and I drive out there through the woods during the summer months and buy me rhubarb off the little old man that lives in one of the corner houses, and beetroots off the woman opposite the pub and me runner beans off someone else..... I LOVE buying fresh veggies off of little tables set out the front of houses.... just love it....



I call this just The Rhubarb house... cos thats where I buy me Rhubarb from for me crumble....

Also in the spring they have a duck race on the river, where 200 yellow numbered ducks are released at the top end of the river at a start line and they make their way down river/stream to field behind one of the farms to a finish line.... ya buy a numbered ticket and if your duck comes in first ya win a prize lol.... and then the ducks are all netted up and carried back up stream and it all starts again....the whole village turns out for this age old tradition, only in the olden days the ducks were hand wittled wooden ducks....

I know a few of ya loved the post last year with the picture of the thatched barn...and that what made me think about this post...

I took all these photos meself sometime last year..... people came out to ask what I was doing lol and one man was actually rude to me..... :) oh well..... In the end when someone came over to ask what I was doing, I just told them I worked for the BBC and the village residents had been chosen for the best kept village and everyone those house was photographed was going to receive a £300 cheque ($600) for being photographed for the documentary programme lol...... :) one lady got so excited I almost had to bitch slap her and throw her to the floor to restrain her lol...... now I have visions in me head of her sitting in her house planning a holiday with the money..... I know, I know I was mean BUT these villagers were like in that film 'The Hills Have Eyes' probably all interbred, deformed and scary..... you HAD TO BE THERE lol - they didnt think to question that I had 5 nippers in me car sucking on ice-lollies cos it was well hot and that me car had no BBC stickers on it and that I only had a little digital camera LMFAO....

Southwick Estate is also where I drive out and go pick and cut down our crimbo tree, I have been doing it for years..... and oh my, last years cutting was just the funniest ever.... but thats maybe for another time....



This house is the first house ya come to when driving from where I live through the back Southwick lane... note the maroon door :)..

Anyone that knows me KNOWS how I LOVE white picket fences...... one day aye ....sigh.. see how easily pleased I am lol



The little village green which is opposite the village shop...



The village shop.....



The village shop is joined in a little terrace of houses, but look how lovely they are joined, NOT all flat fronted and the same...... note the post box embedded in the wall of the house next to the village shop....



This is the last little house in the village which is next to the little river by the bridge and he often has courgettes out the front for sale and bags of tomatoes...

Ok the rest, if ya aint bored by now is just a FEW of the many photos of some of the other cottages I took in Southwick village back last year....

So, especially for Toadie, but for anyone that is interested in my world ..... I give you just a tiny glimspe of Southwick Village.... sit back an enjoy...



If you look carefully you can just make out someone in the doorway lol.... he was to shy to be in the photo.... either that or scared of the sunlight lol





A different view of me matie Wendys sisters house...





This is one of me most favourite houses in the village, its about 300 years old or so Im told by the present occupiers lol - its actually wooden, and its like them doodle houses...



Just look at this gorgeous house...













Ok, thats probably enough lol even though I have many many more........ if you have got down this far then ya need a chuftie badge lol

I had to take the last few photos in a hurry cos I sensed the villagers were getting restless with me and thought the gathering on the village green with pickforks and hayforks and sythes and hunched backs and dribbling mouths and chants of 'stranger stranger' might have been for my benefit.... dam bloody interbred freaks......

So, just a little glimpse into my corner of the world...... someday I would LOVE to share some of these places with that someone special..... or special doodle maties.... someday aye.... sigh...

More then enough boring Twaddle of a Thursday morning, especially when I have much to suss and sort out.......

x