War And Peace (Oh Shut It Starr LOL) - Part II

Ok, Im a little pissed off this morning, they forgot to send hospital transport out for me and I really needed to be there today for Nick to give me his opinion..... ya see, Ive woken up with quite a high temperature and over night me knee/leg has swollen to twice its already very swollen size and its hot and red and stiff as a board....... but I thought, its ok, hospital transport will be be around 10ish, me appointment was 11... I waited and waited, it didnt arrive.... I rang Nick me physio and told him it aint come and I so needed to see him today cos I was a tad stiff.... and NO I didnt tell him the rest lol....he said there are no spaces the rest of the day for me to come in and me next appointment is Friday, well, I will just go along for that, to late to do anything about the missed one today, except Nick did ring the transport office and bollock them.....

So Ive dosed meself up with double the strong meds in the hope that things will settle until me Friday appointment...... so before they kick in I thought I would stop Starr nagging me and shove up a quick post... before me head explodes and the sweat pouring off me floods the keyboard LOL

So...... I woke the following morning on the ward of 24 patients, unlike last year though it was not filled to overflowing with little elderly people, yes there was a fair quota of them but there was almost many that was around my age.... some woman next to be had her bunions done and a hammer toe straightened out (remind me NEVER to have me little hammer toe straightened - I would not do that for love nor money after seeing the pain this woman was in) - there was a wrist problem in and the various hips and two partial knees, and down the other end there was some elbows, this is an orthopedic ward after all..... it was strange waking up semi normal, well normal for me, you know, still able to get out of bed etc.....

I hadnt slept much though, not knowing what today was gonna bring........they wouldnt let me have tea or breakfast - just incase, they said....

Well remember the loverly nurse Lisa..... around 10ish she came to see me, my heart was in my mouth as she sat on me bed, I thought she would tell me that I had to go home and go back on MrD's list..... this is the nurse that most of yesterday had laffed and joked with me and eating chocolates and teased me cos I hadnt eaten and was not allowed to eat, she had the most wonderful sense of humour and under all that she was the most caring compassionate beautiful person....

Right she said, Mel, Ive been in since 7 this morning and my shift did not start til 8.... I grabbed todays theatre lists from all the surgeons that are here today to see if there was any cancellations etc..... she said after an hour of trawling through pages and pages of lists she couldnt make head nor tail of it..... so at 8.30 she went to the 'surgeons lounge' which is where all the surgeons on duty that day gather to discuss things and have breakfast and tea/coffee.... she said she had never been in there before but my case had touched her so much LOL..... she said she stood in the middle of the lounge and asked for quiet and then spilled my story... she told everything, about me and my job and life and struggles.... (jebus christ what was I a charity case lol) and explained what had gone down yesterday and if there was any chance that someone anyone would take me on their list today, even though there were a few complications...... she pleaded me case well LOL

When this nurse spoke my name in the lounge one Surgeon Nigel L-Bottom piped up and said, oh my its Mel, I did her acl/plc reconstruction a few years ago and started her off on this knee replacement journey a couple of years back but handed her over to someone more in tune with new technology, and get this, apparently he went on to say (no wonder me ears were burning lol) she is one of the nicest most geniene patients I have ever had on me file or met in over 30 years, even when she is real poorly and in pain she will light up the ward and everyone around her, she can make even the frailest most frightened patient feel special and bring a smile to those that most need it, despite her own problems.... someone needs to take her on today.. I would add her to my list but she is to young for me to do, she needs to be back hiking etc and got endless promises last year with the other knee, she is to young to be just pottering around and hobbling through life, someone NEEDS to get her back to full strength....



She would hate this photo of her lol..... she is not only a nurse but she was the ward sister.... she truely is in the correct job...

Oh my God, I said to Lisa, he so didnt say that.... she said he bloody did, he had me in tears she said, cos I know that you know Nigel and I know that Nigel sees through your hard outside shell, just like I do.....

Lisa then also said in the lounge, Mel so needs a break, she has had the most horrendous couple of year with these ops.... come on.... with that MrC who is actually a higher consultant/surgeon then my MrD said.... Dave knows about this right? this, passing Mel onto someone else, Lisa said yep and he is hoping to ring around today and try and fix one of you up with her..... so apparently MrC says, give me half and hour to go over her notes cos now Im intrigued with the woman LOL....... within half an hour he was back and said OK if Dave is ok with this I'll put her on me list, BUT it will not be today cos its a little complicated, but she will definetely be on me list for tomorrow.... tell Mel I PROMISE...... Lisa said, please MrC dont make empty promises she has had them for years.... he said, my word is my word, unless the building catches fire, Mel will be on my list for tomorrow, I will juggle around my time slots and tomorrow we will see what we can do for her.....

Dam girl she says, your bloody famous LOL - her smile was huge, she said she had NEVER done anything like that before LOL faced all the top surgeons on their own ground.... but she said she remembered me from last year and all the good I had done to those on the ward even though I was so very poorly LOL.... I was smiling and tears flowing at the same time, someone actually really cared about me and me plight, she had tears rolling down her face to, both were tears of joy and she said when Nigel had started saying those things about me to the other surgeons she said she KNEW it was meant to be... she went way beyond the call of duty..... she is an angel....she was my angel....

So, says Lisa, you aint going home today, the bed is still yours, think of today as a little holiday, go wander around the grounds of this 250 year old military hospital, go sit in the sunshine with a book, go hobble down to the waters edge.... but DONT go home (not that I could even get home from there LOL).. so thats what I did..... I was scared cos I really didnt want this operations cos of last year, but I was excited cos I had no choice but to have it done if I wanted any resemblence of a life back..... and guess what, even though they said I had missed breakfast they said I could still have lunch and they would ring down and get me a sarnie bought up, but, I declined, wasnt going down the Auntie Morris/Bedpan trail after I can come so far, they was not happy BUT I had to promise to at least DRINK DRINK DRINK today....

Ya see, this military hospital was due to close in a few weeks time, its been a hospital for the military for 250 years, they use to row the casualties down the creek to the dock and into the hospital, in and around the corridors of the hospital are wonderful old photos of staff and patients etc..... and as I love history I LOVE this place.... so wander I did...... the main building is HUGE and is built with 4 sides around a quad in the middle.... it is a listed building which means it has to be preserved as historical interest..... its not until you truely have the time to wonder the many many acre site that you get to breath in the history of the place.... all around the edge of the sight are beautiful 200 year old houses where the top surgeons would of lived and the naval captains etc.... I do not know what will become of these buildings as many of those are also listed.... that means you can change the insides but NOT the outsides, I expect the main part which is HUGE and on 3 levels plus basement will be made into luxury flats on the inside but the outside will remain as its beautiful self....



Just look at this entrance.... beautiful..



And this plague for those that died in the great war, there were other plagues around the place with those that had died in other wars to....



There were so many interesting (to a history nut) plagues and things scattered around the place....



And of course our union jack in the little rose garden, again with plagues with meanings and thats the old bell off of something or other LOL....



This is the looking through the doors under the first carved main entrance into the building I was in, just see how deep the building is - look at those 250 year old quarry tile floors and if you look real close you can see the old iron tram lines that are embeded in the tiles, well old or what... I was in me element.... maybe my cancelled op was a sign to breath and take in all the history of this place...



I spent much of me day sitting in the sunshine reading me book, I never usually have time for that, just lazing around doing nuffin.... and much of the time I spend running/hobbling up and down in the lift getting things for patients from the little navi shop.... newspapers and extra drinks and sweets and stuff..... throw me arms in the air, what am I a bloody servant I exclaimed once LOL...... I sat with a real old little lady called Violet who was not allowed out of bed and who had asked me if I could go and buy her a paper, when I bought it back for her she said 'I dont know why I wanted it cos my sight is so bad I cant read it' LOL you daft cow I said... so I spent the best part of an hour sitting on the chair next to Violet reading her the daily news...... she kept taking hold of me hand and rambling on about different stuff, what is it with people and me that they seem to spill their life stories out to me lol..... I think the paper was just a ploy and she just wanted someone to hold her scared hand and to chat to......... gawds sake.... she said her family had visited but they had just talked amongst themselves as if she was not even there, she said they was only after her money if she died lol so I said she could leave it to me if she wished LOL..... she said I had chatted to her more in that hour and had made her smile then her family had bothered to talk to her on their visits.... I said, cut the bastards out of ya will Violet and leave anything ya have to the Cats Home..... with which she laffed so hard the top set of her teeth shot out and landed on the covers of her bed....... oh my goodness I almost piddled meself laffing as did she lmfao...... the nurses had to come and see what the fuss was about..... they to started laffing.... when she had stopped laffing she said, just because Im old and cant see to well, it dont mean Im not a person with feelings and she squeezed me hand.... good job she was as blind as a bat and couldnt see me tears.... I just wanted to scoop her up and take her home to live with me LOL.... I wonder if she is good at ironing lmfao....



This was Ally that just couldnt stop laffing LOL she remembers me not only from last year but from 5 years back when Nigel L-Bottom had done me acl/pcl reconstruction.... I had no idea out of the hundreds and hundreds of patients since, why she remembered me LOL

When Violet dozed off for a nap and everyone on the ward had worn me ragged with running back and forth to the Navi shop, I took me book again and went and sat outside in the sunshine to read me book.....



This is looking across to the upper ward where I was and across the inner quad, its very sheltered there cos its enclosed on all 4 sides, cos it can get right proper windy in the grounds cos the hospital is right on the seashore....

It was amazing to think of all the Sailors that would of been treated in this hospital over the last 250 years, when medicine and treatment was still in its infancy.. the pain and suffering and the not really knowing, and without the technology of nowadays.....



This is looking the other way, you can just see the beautiful ancient water tower, aint it just gorgeous.... obviously it aint no water tower now, not sure what they use it for, but its my the military security entrance just as you come onto the sight.... its quite outstanding....

I didnt eat lunch nor dinner that evening, just sips of water... I sat in the telly room whilst everyone else had their supper... thoughts rushing through me head about tomorrow, fears cos of last year..... I had idled about the day, what a lazy cow I was LOL.... I sat and watched telly til 1 in the morning, knowing I wouldnt sleep.....someone keep popping their head around the door just to check I was ok.. of course I was, not a drop of blood in sight LOL..... Lisa came and said she was off and was not in tomorrow and good luck and that she would be thinking of me and would be back in the following day, big hugs and tears all round.... she said 'your okay you are Mel, crazy and mad, but loving and caring and alright, I bet you dont let many people see that' .... oh shut ya mouth I said LOL Im well ard ;)....

I crawled into bed just gone 1am knowing the last night of tucking me knees up and sleeping all curled up like I usually do with me blankie lmfao I tossed and turned.....

Lets just see what happens tomorrow, surely something would crop up to put a stick in the works...... something will go wrong, cos after all..... it always does where Im concerned.....

But lets hope that tomorrow was not empty promises like last year, I could do this alone again, no hand to hold.... tomorrow might be the first day of getting my hiking legs back and getting my life back on track for ME..... I so wish I had had someone to snuggle up to that night.... my pillow was wet with tears.... but I knew there would be no one there to wipe them away......

Tomorrow...... lets see what cock up would happen tomorrow lol


Happy now Starr? LMFAO ;) Im burning up now and I think I might go to bed for a little while...

Ok, to much waffling Twaddle.........

Know you are loved.....

x

If There Is A Cock-Up... My Name Will Be In There Somewhere...Part I

Ok, Ive been home a little over 3 weeks, 3 hard, difficult weeks on so many levels, that is why Ive tried to keep meself to meself....

This will bore you to tears, its long winded, but I need to get this down on paper for me lads to oneday realise the shit I have to go through LOL...

Now the frustration and boredom and cabin fever have crept in and thats harder to deal with then the fear and the dam pain..... still no weight bearing until Ive seen me consultant in another fortnight then they will take things from there...

Ive been stuck in the house and the little garden for over 3 weeks mostly on me own, and except for my 3 weekly hospital appointments, for which they send out hospital transport for me, I aint seen another living soul besides me matie Wendy LOL - our Ben went off to Thailand and our Sam has been away most of the time with his maties, our Tom and his girlfriend are abroad on holiday, and Jacob finished compulsary school just 2 weeks after his 16th birthday so I let him go off with his maties, and he is off again next week on Bivi Camp in the New Forest.... but tomorrow he has his leavers Dinner and Dance which I think is like a doodle PROM, and the flash car I had arranged for him only yesterday let me down, so have been racking me drug induced brain today trying to sort something else out (I do not know why the other bloody mothers leave it to me to sort out, especially knowing me circumstances - tossers).... other times I would relish a bit of time on me own, if I was well and able to do things, but being totally on ones own under the circumstances I find meself in have weighed heavy on my soul...

So all in all Ive had a very difficult time of it.... ate nuffin but toast for over a week cos I couldnt stand to make anything, and then had no milk for tea for 3 days.... seems like most of me maties have been to bloody busy with life or just cant be arsed or bothered to help out, not that Ive asked, but they KNOW Ive a broken leg as well as me knee surgery.... so Ive struggled as best I could with what I could manage.... not suppose to go up the stairs but I have no choice, there is no way I can sleep downstairs... it takes me at least 15 minutes to get up the stairs each night and Im sure its a funny thing to watch, so maybe its for the best that no one has been here LOL.... except sometimes its been a little scary on me own... oh well, such is life aye... its what we sign up for..

Anyways.... enough of my troubles LOL..... I know they are minor compared to so many others out there, and to be honest I shouldnt have anything to complain about... not really, should I... so I will shut up now...

So.... Monday 1st June, me best matie Wendy picked me and me bag up at 6.30 on a bright and already sunny morning, I had to be at the hospital by 7.30 so she kindly offered to take me and drop me off and try and get back home in time to take her 4 kids to school and college... we would be cutting it fine.... she knew how scared I was over this coming surgery especially after all that happened and is still going on with the other knee from last year, Wendy me matie, is probably the only person on this entire planet that really really knows me... and I love her and her family to bits.... I know that she is one of the only people in this world that I can truely rely upon in any given things....

I was gagging for a cuppa tea or some toast or something, I was starving, ya see, I have this daft thing that I do LOL.... oh shut it, I dont care that you will probably think Im crazy to LOL... it was Monday and I had not eaten anything since lunchtime on the Friday, and had nuffin to drink since Saturday lunchtime, ya see, I have this fear of hospital bedpans or auntie morris's LOL and my pea sized brain tells me that if I dont eat or drink anything for 2-3 days before surgery then I will NOT need a pee or a poo for a few days after surgery and until I cant get out of bed and get to the loo meself.... I KNOW its crazy, but thats me aint it, I aint normal....

So we signed in at the military security gates and got a carpark pass, we found the little ward that was like a holding bay... ya do all the paperwork and see the surgeons and anthesetist in this little ward and after ya had ya surgery you go onto the 24 bed ward, which was to be the same ward as last year....

This weeks intake of patients would be the last cos you see Haslar would be closing in a few short weeks after over 250 years as a military hospital, cos a new super dooper hospital is/has been built at Cosham where the QA hospital is (thats where I go for fracture clinic and for physio etc) so the atmosphere in haslar was a mix of saddness by the staff and excitement.... the other hospital is only about 6 miles from where I live and it would of been so much easier if I was there, except haslar is special, and homely and old and quaint and loverly and I would rather be there then in the new fangled modern hospital....

So Wendy drops me off and with tears from both sides (she knows how scared I was and that I had no one there like all the other patients, no one to hold me hand), but she also knows that Im a strong old cow, and if anyone could do it alone again then it was me.... so much hugs and tears and promises of ringing me and coming in to see me... she walked down the ward and out the double doors...

I had no time to worry though, ya have many forms to fill in, forms that repeat themselves over and over, then ya surgeon comes and sees ya and talks through things with ya, then the anethestist (sp) comes and has a chat with ya and this time he was a gorgeous hunky dutch army bloke..... MMmmm mmmmm LOL

He had a great sense of humour which matched mine, and we so did laff whilst going through things, he said, in the most juice flowing accent, Ive a feeling your gonna be trouble LOL.... I was 5th on the list which meant sometime around teatime I would go for surgery, they put me last on the list cos of the added complications that were involved this time...... dam and bugger, that meant almost a whole day with still no food, this would be day 4 without a nibble of grub, but, it was for a good cause, right? lol

Well noon came and went, and I was glad I was not having to watch others in the other ward eating there lunch, cos my tummy was well rumbling, and I had the beginnings of a sick headache where I had not had a drink for a few days.... 2 o'clock came and went and slowly the ward I was in began to empty where patients went to theatre for surgery and then went onto the other bigger ward..... 4 o'clock came and I was the only one in the ward LOL.... so they suggested that I might as well have me bed in the ward where I would be later after surgery, instead of sitting there on me own.... so as luck has it I had a bed by a huge window which I straight away opened fully to let the air in, cos it had been a hot day outside...

4.30 came and went an by then my head was thumping, why had they not come for me, time was getting on, the ward doctor walked by and said I looked as white as a ghost, and I had gone so very quiet.... I told him I had a sick headache and had a throat like a parrots bum where I had not had a drink for 3 days, and I felt a little light headed and dizzy, and was it possible for me to have just a tiny sip of water, to which he said NO, he did a few checks and said I was a tad dehydrated hence me sick headache and that he would put a line in to give me some fluids before I went down to surgery, and they could use the same line down in theatre...



Twas a little hard to fine a vein cos I was a little fluidless LOL... do you know that on my notes is says 'a bit of a bleeder' LMFAO... it truely does, I read them hahahaha... as you can see by the above photo as soon as they dig a hole in me, I bleed, and thats before they attached a fluid line....



Anyways, they hung a fluid drip up and they said it shouldnt be long and I should be going down to theatre..... and that the fluid would help with me headache.....

Well 5 o'clock came and went and the nurse in charge came and sat on me bed and said that I would not be going to theatre cos they had run out of 'theatre time' WTF and cos mine was gonna be a long one there would not be enough 'recovery' staff still available SO THEY FUCKING CANCELLED... when she told me this, I lost it, I just broke down and sobbed, they didnt get it, I had waited all day on the edge of me nerves, no food for 4 days and 3 days without a drink, they couldnt cancell, not now, everything was in place, my Jacob in the middle of his exams and lifts to school arranged, I had sorted out me 13 nippers with other childminders, it was so hard to organise everything for everyone, they didnt understand how much energy and courage it had taken me to be there today, after what happened last year.... they couldnt cancel, they couldnt, I sobbed and sobbed like some demented lunatic, I dont know if it was the lack of food and drinks or just that EVERYTHING GETS COCKED UP where Im concerned.... the nurse said me consultant/surgeon would be down to see me in a little while to explain... and she pulled the curtains around me to give me a bit of private time to compose meself... LOL

Now what was about to happen I find funny now, but at the time I didnt... I was distraught.... I never felt so alone in me life.... how pathetic was I, what a total loser was I.... how come everything never goes to plan in life where Im concerned, no matter what I do, or what I dont do, Im constantly tested....

I was still connected to the IV drip in the back of me hand, but I didnt wanna sit behind this curtain on me own, I needed to get the hell out of there and find someplace where I could have a right proper cry and to think what to do.... and I certainly didnt need fluids anymore, so I yanked the IV tube thingie out of the connecter thing in the back of me hand... and got off the bed to try and find the loos where I could sit in peace and have a right proper breakdown LMFAO...luckily I was only 3 beds from the end of the ward, as I got off the bed I went so light headed and had to stagger down the corridor, I found a washroom and loo and went in and locked the door.....

now the funny bit...well I think it is lmfao

I had on a new white fluffy dressing down, and a hospital flapper gown and me pink crocs as slippers... but as I looked down, the front of me white dressing gown had streaks of red all down he front, wtf, when I look at where my hand should of been there was blood actually gushing out of the end of me sleeve of me gown.... now, remember I had not eaten for days or drunk and that I was so overwhelmed and light headed and not thinking straight due to crying like a pathetic child... well LMFAO.... my brain registered all the blood coming out of me sleeve and it said OH SHIT, someone had cut off me hand cos there was no hand there, and the blood must of been coming from the STUMP ..... fear... panic.... my brain screamed WHO CUT OFF MY BLOODY HAND HOW DARE THEY.... I raised my arm in horror to look at the bloody stump, and as I did so the blood gushing out hit the mirror on the wall and splattered in the sink and as I turned round it splattered up the shower curtain..... by now I was actually bleeding quite profusely, and my brain was working overtime.... I lowered me arm and what I thought was a bloody stump, only to realise no one had cut me hand off LMFAO it was where the sleeve of me dressing gown was a tad long and had fallen over me hand, making it look like I had no hand there at all, cos I must have short arms LOL Jesub when I looked I could see me fingers but no stump, just blood pumping out everywhere..... they was not wrong in having in me notes that I was a 'bit of a bleeder'....

oh my, how ones brain works when faced with just so much lmfao I think it was the lack of food and water and the shock.... the blood was actually gushing out real fast and the front of me dressing gown was just totally red..... when I took stock of the situation and looked around the little room looked like there had been a mass murder going on, blood was on the mirror and on the wall as I had turned around and over the shower curtain and dripping all over the floor, I hung over the little sink and watched in a daze as the blood was pumping out of the canula that was in the vein in the back of me hand, how was I to know that the blood would just pump out when I took the line out... KNOCK KNOCK on the door, Mel are you alright, a little voice asked, only there is a trail of blood up the corridor leading to this door, is your canula bleeding.... oh shit oh shit, my mind was racing, they will think Im right proper stupid..... 'no no I say, its okay, its fine' how could I let anyone in, the state of the washroom looked like a slaughter house LOL - I grabbed a handful of paper towels and wrapped them around my hand which soon became soaked with blood and again began dripping on the floor, I pulled loads of paper towels out of the machine and tried to wipe the mirror and walls and sink lmfao but all it did was smear it to make it look worse, by now I was so very very light headed and I really thought I was gonna pass out.... BANG BANG BANG on the door, okay Mel open the door there is blood and water seeping under the door, you need to open the door' the sink was over flowing where it was blocked with the paper towel and that mixed with all the blood on the floor it had no where to go but under the door and out into the corridor...

No matter where I looked there was blood everywhere, but I had no choice but to open the door to a look of horror on the army doctors face, I stood there in a panic with the blood still really gushing out of the thing in me hand and swaying almost at the point of passing out, he gently takes my hand and puts his finger over the open valve stopping the blood instantly, he is standing in the washroom with me blood staining his brown brogues and dripping on his clean blue shirt (WHERE WAS YA CHUMPA WHEN I NEEDED YA LOL) he says ' quite a bloody bleeder aren't you Mel' then he says my goodness it looks like a slaughter house in here.... I started to cry again and kept saying Im so sorry I was trying to clear it up...

Its funny now, but it was not at the time, I truely honestly thought in my stressed out state that some bastard had cut my hand off....

He took me back to me bed and after a cuppa tea and a few tests put up a new drip with some blood in it for a top up LOL apparently I had lost almost a pint and a half...



An hour later I was cleaned up and dressed in me own clothes.... having a fresh supply of blood in me... I still needed to get out of there.... I needed to gather me thoughts... I needed space....so I went down in the lift to sit out on the back steps in the fresh air, I sat there trying to get me head around how I could re-organise everything.... the tears began to bubble up again... and those that know me know I dont do 'tears' unless at the end of me tether...my head was pounding, my mind whirling... why does shit and bad luck always sit on my already overcrowded shoulders.... the nice little nurse came rushing out the door all a fluster LOL... she well made me jump..... 'christ Mel, we have been looking all over for you, come on, come inside and lets see what we can do about this mess... you really shouldnt be sitting out here on your own after everything' .... I kept saying Im so sorry about the mess, how was I to know the blood would just keeping gushing out the thing in me hand'.... not that mess she said, you loon Mel, I mean the mess about the cancellation of your operation' to which we both burst out laffing...

I went back to the ward and again sat on me bed.. and whilst sitting there someone come up behind me and put there arms around me and just hugged me real tight, it was me bestest matie Wendy, she had rung the ward to see how the operation went only to be told about the cancellation, and the blood loss and how sad I was.... she knew I would be distraught, she knew how hard it was for me to be there in the first place... not just organising everything but also being self employed I would be losing hundreds in wages and putting me home on the line with no money coming in for the mortgage and bills... she knows me like a favourite book... so as soon as they told her, she asked her John to sort their kids out and she jumped in the car and 50 minutes later she was with me, she and I are so close and she just let the tears flow, she knows me like no other...

Come on she says, lets get a crimple chair and I'll take you for a coffee, the cafe might still be open.... we found the little hospital cafe and we was the only ones there, she bought chocolate cake and a mug of tea... jebus it hit the spot after not eating for 4 days LOL and we talked and talked, and laffed and laffed at how its 'always me' that shit happens to.... these complications these hiccups these things only happen to you Mel... you sure are being tested...

When we got back to the ward me consultant was there, he stood in front of my red puffy tearstained face..... Dave you cant cancell, not now, YOU know how hard its been for me to organise everything and to have the courage to get here today, you cant cancel... he said he would put me back on the waiting list and it would probably only be a couple of weeks or even maybe next week.... I told him, why not tomorrow, just bump someone else off the list and let me be first tomorrow, he said it dont work like that and that he was not in theatre tomorrow... I told him it was NOW or never, I couldnt do this again in a few weeks and I would have to just hobble around for the rest of me life a crimple and have no life like I hadnt for the past few years, I said everything was arranged at home with everything.... please Dave DONT DO THIS TO ME.... you aint wearing my shoes Daveieboy, just bump some little old lady off the list and do me next..... he said that would not be fair, so I said 'fair on who Dave... what, and your being fair now'.... the nurse just looked at me in horror LOL no one talks to top surgeons/consultants like that....

A loverly nurse called Lisa came and sat on the bed to talk to me and to Dave (me consultant) she knew me from last year and during the day we had had such a laff together, she knew me story and how hard everything was to sort out and how badly I needed me life back and after all the shit promises from last years left knee balls up, she was in my court..... I said, look Dave, if your not in theatre tomorrow, get someone else to do it, someone else must have a space, a slot, I dont care now who does it, be it the bloody teaboy, its now or never.... he said, surgeons dont like to take on at the last minute someone elses patients.... I said, then make me the first, make me the expection to the rule.... Dave YOU OWE ME THIS AFTER LAST YEAR...

The nurse said to him, but it is possible that someone else would do it if they had a gap, a space or a cancellation... he said they might but the chances were it was slim, he said he would ring around tomorrow and see if there was anything that could be done, oh yeah Dave, so, I says, that means you go home and forget about me, your just saying that to cover your arse..... Mel, he said, I promise you I will ask, if not, then I will have you back in within a fortnight..... he said go home and wait to hear.... the nurse then said..... look MrD, the bed is Mels, she might as well stay the night and see whats what in the morning.... ok he said, but no promises, and Im not here and someone would have to spend much time going over me notes cos of all thats gone on before.. no promises he said.... and he walked away.....

Wendy hugged me with promises of ringing me in the morning...

So that night I went to bed on a ward scared and confused and almost praying that just once JUST BLOODY ONCE... my life wouldnt be messed with... why me, why does this shit always happen to me....

Lets see what tomorrow brings.....lets just see what else will kick me into kingdom come... lets just see....

Okay enough boring Twaddle, its a little after midnight and its now I suppose Friday morning just...... knackered beyond knackered....

If you have read down this far you need to admit yourself to a loonie bin LOL

know you are loved....

x

Just A Quickie...

Ok.... well, I survived, but not without a few complications....now, it wouldnt be normal if things in life concerning me actually went according to plan LOL



First off, I wanna fank everyone for all the lovely comments in the previous post, I was gobsmackingly overwhelmed by everyones kindness, I truely do not deserve it...but it warmed the cockles of me heart....and when Im up to it, I will reply to each and every one...

I will keep this short with just a quick explanation.....cos Im not up for much and this will knacker me just doing this short post....

As you know I went into hospital on Monday 1 June, but cos this is me LOL I didnt get the op until Wednesday 3 June around T-time.... (long story, will explain if I blob)...

This time I decided no sedation at all, fully awake... and yes I took me camera again so I have many great photos (and the theatre staff was arguing who was going to take the photos and the surgeons even posed in some like broadway stars lol.... as I explained before I already had a couple of large screws in me knee from a previous acl/pcl reconstruction when I snapped me ligiments playing football a few years back, and these screws had to come out before they could do the total knee replacement....... well, me surgeon (who was NOT MY surgeon - long story will explain if I blob lol) talked to me about the possibility that when they dig out the screws the bone to the left of the femur will obviously be very weak, and there is a possibility that it could sheer off when they cut out the knee joint and hammer and chisel in the new knee joint and if that was to be the case then, things would not be good, but he said I needed to know the risks.....

Well during the op I being fully awake and directing camera action and joking and laffing with everyone, I heard MrClark (yes top orthopedic surgeons are called Mr and NOT Dr here when they reach a certain rank) say... 'oh shit'...... so I say whats that suppose to mean, to which he says, you know I explained about the sheering off of that 3rd of the bone in ya femur....... well, he says, it didnt happen..... phew I said, BUT he said.... Ive broken it in stead.......dam, I say, but it could of been worse right?.... yep says he.... well, lets say Ive had a 'lucky break' then...... to which he stops what he is doing and walks around my side of the sheet screen, looks at me and just laffs and laffs........ ya see, even though its a bit dire, it could of been oh so much worse.....



This is my Xray before the op.... you can see the leg on the right (which is actually me left leg) and last years knee replacement...... and the leg on the left (which is actually me right leg) with the screws that needed to come out before they could rip out all the guts and saw the bones and chisel and put in a new knee...... well, see the screws and the big squarish bit of bone to the left of the screws in the thigh bone, thats the bit he thought might sheer off, where in fact it didnt but it broke right across..........

So you see, I know in America you would SUE HIS ARSE..... but I was explained the risks, and to be honest, as shit as this is, as painful as this is, and believe me being home and not being in a hospital bed is bloody painful and scrary, and as hard as physio once again will be...... it didnt sheer off, it only broke LOL so Im wellabit happy...... and this years op went nuffin like last years, no laying poorly in bed for 4 days post-op, I actually watched 'The Apprentice' on the telly right after coming back from theatre and had a cheese and pickle sandwich (ok, so I did throw that up but still :) ) it was as if I had just popped out for a coffee and a chat and not major surgery, of course the very high dozes of morphine for 3 days helped LMFAO....

Anyways, this has so gotta just be a quickie.......

So I had it done just over a week ago and then back to theatre on Saturday night for a bit of tweaking and cos me stats had gone haywire..... BUT..... only 4 days after me main op (on Sunday evening) I had to discharge meself cos of a few problems here at home......

So Ive been home a few days, with a total knee replacement and a broken femur which they cant put in traction or plaster cast cos I HAVE to keep the bend in the new knee working.....

So its a tad difficult here, Im suppose to be in bed much of the time and IF when on crutches for the few moments, no weight bearing..... its a little scary though being home, without any backup as such...... but I had no choice..... its hard to try and do the exercises cos I dont know if the pain is muscle, bone or the broken femur that sends me head spinning.... Im not suppose to be even out for at least another 7-10 days.

As regards staying in bed and only getting out for the odd 5 minutes.... yeah, like thats even gonna happen..... tiz only me and my Jacob here and I have to get up to see him off to school for the rest of his exams.... and then there is things that need doing around here....

I might have to go back in and have a couple of screws put in the break, but we will see, they would rather me be in there now for another week at least, but that aint happening not now, I had to come out due to circumstances beyond my control..... see, this is me, we are talking about, life never goes according to plan, I cant have major surgery and recoup like everyone else, cos life wouldnt be my life without major cockups in it.....

I'll explain more later..... but now, Im totally knackered, I got up to let the chickens out, how I hobbled down the garden to do it is even beyond me.... and now Im totally drained........

But, Im chipper and sorta happy in a painful, frustrated, bored, scared, lonely way... its hard to be poorly when ya have no one to really care....or help.... but, the British stiff upper lip and all that bollocks........ it is what it is and there aint nowt I can do about it......

But I will say, in hospital I laffed and laffed dont know if it was the drugs or the fact that I couldnt believe this op (so far) has been so completely different to how poorly I was last year...... I know, I know, early days, its only just over a week since I had it done, and Im home alone and not quite knowing what Im suppose to be doing......... (where are ya Chupa when I need ya lol)

So, Im not to good but then I aint to bad....but what do I know LOL

I do have some very funny stories.... so all was not bad right?.....

But I do so wish I was back in hospital, being looked after and fed and cared for and being able to recoup a little before life hits me smack in the face LOL.... well, that would just dam right being spoilt right lmfao

Know you are loved....

x

Gutted and Scared Shitless.....

Ok, some people might of realised Ive been a bit aloof of late, thats aloof and not a loufa lol..... except my brain has been like a loufa all spongey....

Its just Ive had much on me mind and the load on my shoulders sometimes gets heavy.... I cant be everyones net, no matter how hard I try...and jebus knows I try to be there for everyone of me maties....

Anyways, those that know me or have been reading this boring Twaddle will know that last year I had major knee surgery, buggered up the cartlidge completely through playing football and had to have a complete knee replacement....

If ya bored on this Sunday you can read about it... part 1 here and a bit more very graffic photos here and if that aint made ya puke ya guts up, you can read a little more funny stuff here and the last bit conclusion here

I documented everything so one day me lads might get a view into what I went through...and how hard I struggle to keep the house ticking over and maybe just how strong a person I was, so that in their future when times are tough they might remember this and think, they can do anything..

So..... things didnt go according to plan right, infections after infections, talk of loosing me leg, which thankfully that so didnt happen, but right painful physio 3 times a week for about 8 months... well we all know it threw this usually sane strong ME into a tail spin and for a bit I went into this dark hole.... and that was scarey, also through all my problems I lost a couple of what I thought were good friends.... that hurt more then the pain and shit I went through....oh well.....



Aint this just the bestest photo... the photos in the link are from my own camera, I took me camera into theatre with me and cos I was semi awake during the op, I asked for one of the team of 7 to take photos lol.... dont know if I will take me camera into hopital this time, I just wanna get in and out withint a few days...keep me head down and not talk to anyone....

Me consultant promised me me life back, back to hiking on the Southdowns and camping with our amazing village scout group and I know he couldnt promise me me football and tchoukball sports back, or sking or marathons (not that I do either of the last 2 lol) I just wanted to be able to do the hiking and stumbling around in the woods and rivers with the school survival camps etc....

Well it did go tits up, and me left knee will never be the same.... its not as good as I would like but compared to how it was then it will do me just fine, it just dont bend back as far as I like so kneeling will always be a bit of a problem, but Im still working on it and slowly Im getting there....and even though the swelling is still there a little, they say it can take 2 years.... but I didnt let it beat me....

Until..... back in November I was hobbling on me dodgy rebuilt knee down the garden early one morning to let the chickens out, when I stumbled on the uneven ground, I still wasnt to good on wobbly ground, as I stumbled I put me good right leg out to steady meself and to stop meself falling on me arse in the mud.... as I did that I had such a sharp pain shoot up me good leg, bugger I though, Ive pulled a muscle or heaven forbid Ive torn me acl or another ligiment.....

I thought it would pass and that whatever it was would sort itself out, but as the weeks went by I realised the pain was not going anywhere and that I had maybe done something a little more then pulled a muscle...but I have a very high pain threshold so I just got on with it as best I could, knowing I had me consultant in April....

So me replaced knee was getting better and NO LIMP (that was my fear) but I was hobbling on what was me good right leg lmfao.....

I saw me consultant a few weeks ago, he was fairly happy in a not so happy way about the left knee he had done the replacement on (remembing I had been back into hospital 2 more times with it having it reopened and fiddled with lol)... so I mentioned me good leg and the pain in me knee and said I thought I might of pulled something.....

Ya see 5 yearas ago I snapped both me acl and me pcl playing football, I use to play proper when younger in a team that travelled Europe and this country, it was the best years of me life and I wouldnt swap them for anything.... so I was badgered into playing in a charity football match 5 years ago.... well in scoring a 20 yrd goal I turned in my victory salute and me foot stayed planted in the mud and me knee twisted and just snapped both me acl and me pcl.... so eventually I had reconstructed surgery on them lol they took me hamstring and drilled holes in me bones and used the hamstring like an elastic band and screwed and plated it into place.... it took yonks to heal and for me to be able to get back into sports.... but heal it did.....



These are the screws in me good knee, this is not my Xray but one from a different acl reconstruction, mine has a tiny plate in it with the screws... but it gives you the idea who what he has to dig out lol before he can do the main surgery...

So, me consultant does all these acl tests by pulling and shoving me knee much to me almost screams LOL.... but he said the acl was still intact, so he sent me round the corner for an Xray....

I went back to his room to face not smiling faces, sit Mel he said..... you my dear must be one of the most unluckiest patients Ive had for a long time... ya aint resnapped ya acl what ya did when ya put ya good leg out to steady yaself is this.... it must of been at a strange angle cos the cartlidge has shot out and is lodged in about 8 bits behind you kneecap and your main bones are sitting on each other, technically you shouldnt be able to even bend you knee, you really do have a high pain threashold.... but cos of that the bones have worn and I have no choice but to repeat a complete knee replacement on what was ya good leg..... NOW this week if possible.....

Well the shock of it put me in floods of tears and I DONT do tears often.... how could this be happening to me, after the shit year I had with the other one....

He said, Mel, listen, we will rebuild you, ya just unlucky this time..... I told him to keep his empty promises cos I had heard empty promises all me life....well I also told him I couldnt go in NOW cos I have much to organise and my Jacob will be in the middle of his major school exams until the end of June.... so he said with much unhappiness that he will put me down for surgery then.... he said this one will be a little more difficult cos he has to dig the screws and the little plate out from me acl reconstruction and then take a bit of hip bone for a graft to plug the holes before he can get the cutting gear on me knee...... oh fucking joy....

Only, the week before last I got a letter from him saying that I really cant put it off any more and that he really needed me in asap, and he gave me the date of 1 June.... thats next Monday.... thats tomorrow.....

My boy will be in the middle of his exams and could really do with me here, but on the other hand me consultant is quite addiment that he wants me in NOW....

So...... mixed emotions...... the fear has kicked in big time, cos of all the shit from the last one, not just physically but emotionally and mentally..... not having anyone here that really cares except me lads is hard.... no hand to hold, not even a hug to go into hospital with.... so the lonieless thoughts are well and truely with me today.... and I dont know if I actually have the strength to go through again all that I went through last year... Im so use to hobbling around I dont know what walking or hiking proper is.... I always make the best of a bad thing and except for the excrusiating pain and the total knackeredness, I sort of am use to living this way....



Of course it dont help to read this on me consent form... DEATH... I asked me consultant who will is me surgeon not to let me die, Im all me lads have... he said, it aint guaranteed but he will try his dammest not to let that happen said he aint lost one yet... oh joy..

Again the question of being self employed, I wont get any help financially whilst Im off work so as much as me consultant has said NO WORK FOR at least 8-10 weeks this time and has written me a sick certificate for 6 weeks and a pre-dated one for another 6 weeks, they aint really worth the paper they are written on.......

I rang the benefits office to see if there was any help I could expect whilst I was out of work and recuping.... $80 a week she said lol so I asked if it would help if I was a 'black jewish lesbian with 5 kids and no thought of working in the future' she said she didnt find that comment funny.... I told her I was not joking and if it would help my cause then I become one....

Anyways suffice to say I told them to shove it up their arse and I will sort it meself....... so, unlike me maties when they are sick or unable to work, not that any of them have had major surgery, I will HAVE to drag myself back to work after 3 weeks no matter how much pain or how shit I feel, its different for me maties they have big families around to help and working hubbies to take the strain financially for a few months...... me well, I'll have my Sam and Jacob here LOL so it will be up to me to get back to work no matter what me consultant says...he aint gonna pay me mortgage or bills is he... he aint wearing my shoes, but it means I wont be able to recover proper or rest or recup..... fuck it aye, the story of me life..... aint had anyone before that gave a dam, so dont know why I thought I would have it now lol....

So, Im the most frightened I have even been in me life, cos I know what was what from last time, and as much as I try to stay positive thinking it wont go tits up again, this is me we are talking about and life always smacks me in the face with all its got...... I must of been one hell of a bad kid to have this life I have....

And cos of a comment left on Twaddle a few months back by a commenter that I thought was a friend, Ive found it very difficult to share my fears with anyone but a couple of people.... sometimes harsh misdirected words to another person, such as towards me, can have a devastating affect, it meant I kept this news and problems to meself.... cos I didnt wanna seem needy......

Also with me matie fighting her illness, mine in comparison is nuffin.... so Ive carried that guilt also.....

Anyways I could go on and on about this, but its hard to type through the tears.... just feel so alone with this again.......

Im driving meself to the hospital tomorrow for 7am.... I'll leave me car there and figure out how to get me and the car home when they release me....I didnt wanna make a fuss with me maties as to how to get there, they are already having me minded nippers for me....... and cos again of those harsh words from a commenter I feel I should just do this all on me own...... me consultant said cos of what happened before and how I dont do to well with surgery, he wants to keep me in for 10 days....... I told him to shove that and I need to be out by the weekend, cos its also my Jacobs birthday on the 10th.... so we will see, as soon as Im on crutches Im out of there.... need to be here for my Jacob.... got others and responsibilities to put first before meself....

I also have me NVW3 assessment on the 9th and an appointment with a solicitor on the 11th about me tosser X, Ive had the last broken rib off of him....... thats all great aye after major surgery a week before LOL....so you see I need to be out by the weekend...dont know how Im gonna get home or get me car home yet lol Ive been practising driving me car using me left leg this week instead of me what will be me operationed leg...... nearly went into the back of 2 cars and mounted the pavement LOL so I will have to play driving me car home straight after surgery by ear LOL...

So, I wont be around for a while...if at all....maybe this is a good closing point for Twaddle.... Ive put to much of my inner self on these pages over the last 2 years and Im usually a very private person....we'll see........ its all a load of bollocks anyways...........

I have much to do and still to organise.... need to fill the fridge and freezer for Sam and Jacob and sort the house and washing out and the garden....

But on a lighter note, it would of been me mums 83rd birthday today.... Im said all I came about me mum before here and there aint really anything to say about me mum, except I wish it had been different, maybe I wouldnt feel so lonely and unloved now LOL

So a few photos to finish with, as a treat, if you have read down this far with this boring post....



me strawberry plants, we decided to put them in a hanging basket this year lol



My boys at our Toms engagement Party last December.... thats my Jacob on the left, then Sam, Tom and Ben.... Jacob and Toms hair is shorter now..



My Janet that I love beyond measure LMFAO daft cow that I am..



Yesterday whilst in me garden cutting the grass and watering all me hanging baskets and tubs and seedings.... I took this photo thinking...... I really shouldnt of electrical cables for the mower and me hose so close together lol

Ok, Im just rambling here now....... so I will go with my fears and tears and loneliness and try and get all that I need to do done today....

And if anyone wants to come over to hold me hand and stay for a week so I can sleep LOl then you only have til 6.30am tomorrow morning to get here lol....

So Im gutted and scared shitless...

Be safe maties..... know you are loved...

x

Bake Away The Stress...

Ok......... Ive had a lot on me mind of late.... got much 'stuff' going on in my life at the moment....and have got two maties that are facing a challenging struggle in life - one here in real life that will not make it to the end of that struggle - Im trying to make my shoulders as wide as I can to carry the extra load without it all tumbling down around me ears......

I have a very special cyber friend in my life who is starting on a hard journey in her life.... her strength and dignity has left me humbled and very ashamed of the whining person I sometimes can be..... she is the most beautiful person, with a soul that floats around and enriches everyone it touches.... I love her very dearly and a battle with her illness is just beginning.... she has enriched my life 10 fold since knowing her, she is an inspiration to all......

Anyways.....sigh..... there seems to be many folders piled on me shoulders this past month or so..... but I will suss and sort them, I will file things and work through each page and the times that I think will be hard, I will deal with as best I can, like I have had to all me life....... because compared to what my matie is facing, my worries is chicken shit...

So......... what does Mel do when she holds the world and all its worries on her shoulders......

She bakes LOL



First ya lightly brown minced beef and veggetables with an oxo cube and bits and bobs of whatever you have at hand...



Then ya scoop it all into ya most favourite oven dish, the green french one ya bought back from france all those years ago..



And whilst the meat and veggies are browning ya peel and boiled sweet potatoes and normal spuds...



Ya then mash the spuds together with loads of creamy butter and full milk with salt and pepper and mix in one of Janets fresh morning eggs (which when then baked in the oven will fluff the spuds up and make them light and scrummie)...



Ya spoon the mashed creamie spud mixture on top of the meat and veggies...



Sprinkled with grated mature cheddar and top with sliced tomatoes...



Ya then shove the lot in the oven and cook on gas 200 for 30 minutes until golden and crisp.... serve with steamed green veggies..... and bobs ya uncle... ya can feed an army of hungry lads...

This is our version of the shepherdless pie..... no shepherds were killed in the making of this pie..

Whilst thats in the oven, and ya still on stress level HIGH....



Ya make a huge crock pot full of spicy sausage, sweet potatoe and lentil thingie, which makes the whole house smell scrumous...

Then ya look around to see what else takes ya fancy.... and ya think how to use the rest of the sausages, which wasnt cheap to say the least, but then our sausages are to scrummie for words.... but of course I cant eat the pork ones, but somethings I make with lamb sausages..



So ya lightly brown the sausages and leeks and make up a grainy mustard sauce, which is just mustard, butter, milk, flour and parsley... ya mix it all up and bung in ya little favourite Portmerrion china pie dish...



Ya top with a quick and easy to make pastry lid.... find ya larry the lobster biscuit cutter and cut out a lobster with the spare pastry.... crimp the edges NOT using granmas false teeth LOL - make a few slits to let the steam out...



close up of larry the lobster biscuit cutter stoke pastry shape cutter lol



DaDaaaaaaaaaa one perfect leek and grainy mustard pie......



I love my larry the lobster biscuit cutter....

Then ya think, ya gotta have a pudding lmfao...... so whilst the kitchen is in a mess ya think I know what everyone will like.....



Banananana lol and pumpkin seed cake..... to use up the bananas of course...

and..



A lemon and a lime cake... to use up the lemons and limes right :)....

Then ya feel quilty that the kitchen is a mess and ya really need to be getting some more veggies in them lads and their maties......



So whilst the kitchen cant get any messier, you think what the hell, might as well make up a couple of beetroot and chocolate cakes..... ya know, to get them veggies in them lads....



of course one has to cut a slice to try, ya know, to make sure them there lads cant taste the beetroot in the cake......

then by the time ya have cooked ya stress away, the kitchens a mess and ya scream up the stairs..... SOMEONE HAD BETTER GET DOWN HERE AND CLEAN THIS MESS UP AND DO THE DISHWASHER....... which falls on deaf ears...... so ya make a huge mug of tea and go sit in the garden and watch ya chickens....... and ya think..... thats me..... all baked out, but stress free...... cos tomorrow is another day and another challenge...

So who wants to come to stay.......... I might not have much to offer, but ya sure wouldnt go hungry :)

More then enough boring twaddle for a very very late stressed out day.....cripes its 12.50am Wednesday morning......... yep, sure was a stressful day....

Love, thats all it takes.... not money, or wants, just love..... love those around ya..... please, near and far..

(((((((((Starr))))))))))) fanks, you know for why.. x

x

Things Mothers Dont Need To See...

Ok.....My oldest lad is off to Thailand on Monday, just a few days time, he was made redundant about 6 weeks ago and hasnt been able to find anything else, so before his money runs out he thought to hell with it, and he just booked a ticket to Thailand for a month and said he will travel around and just see what happens.... you have to understand that this lad is quite a home bod and aint NEVER done nowt like this before without a gaggle of maties with him, so this is a first, and to say Im worried, is an understatement..... I know he is a man but he is still one of my babies lol.... His going has come at an awkward time cos of what is happening in the next few weeks, BUT I just aint told him that, so that he can go without any worries about home here......... and he goes with my love and heart and I will worry until he comes home full of life and an experience of a lifetime..... hope he dont get got by no batty boys lol..... 3 of his maties will join him for the last 9 days of his adventure, thats if they can ever get to meet up, and he will of been on his own for 3 weeks by then, or in some Thailand prison or in a 'man brothel' cos he might of run out of money by then lol..... oh hush it, Ive read about these things lol....


So, back to this post....this is probably boring but if so just scroll to the bottom and watch the video lol

My 15 year old is in the middle of his GCSEs which are the major exams as he prepares to leave compulsary education.... except all schools have next week off for half term and study leave, then he has 8 GCSEs that first week back, so its hectic here besides some other things that I might share in a few days time.... but ya know me, as private as a ginger testicle...

Well, this lad of which I speak is the most amazing agile bendable flexible lad..... his passions in life are trampolining and BMXing and free running.... We have had a trampoline in our garden for about 20 years.... way way before they became a 'must have garden accessory'.... obviously its not the same trampoline, its been replaced 3 times now, and its not one of those round 'play' ones, its a proper one, the one down from the fold up ones that you find in sports halls..... its an oblong proper one, not a round toy one lol..

Last year the old trampoline needed replacing so I rang the company where I had bought from in the past and explained that I had bought from them before and told them we needed the super-king deluxe or whatever it was called BUT there is no way I was gonna pay £750 ($1500) for it, what was the best they could do LOL....... the bloke on the end of the photo called me a cheeky bitch LOL.... HOW RUDE :) Anyways he said leave it with him and he'd get back to me...... see, ya dont ask ya dont always get... and he did ring back about an hour later... he said they had the trampoline I wanted in stock and cos of my cheek he said he had found one with a scuff mark on the padded surround mats and cos of that.... and he was so laffing.... he said it couldnt be sold at full price, so he could do me a deal with it....... so I says...... how much of a scuff.... and he says..... well I just scuffed it with me shoe for ya LMFAO........ Bloody hell, I think 'I pulled' lmfao..... I asked him if he was serious and he said, ya made me laff this morning so what the hell....... so we got our new trampoline for just £350 ($700) and not $750 ($1500)....400 bloody hundred quid cheaper for being cheeky lmfao - DONE AND BLOODY DUSTED.....

So...... my lad uses it to practise some of the moves he learns at trampoline club.....except he is now teaching the trampoline coach new moves LOL.... he makes my heart stop watching him in the garden..... but I smile through it when he says.... mum watch this......



As you can see, its very near the shed...... you know, the shed that he often leaps off on onto the trampoline LOL



Standing on the shed.... He can do easy back and front flips but he aint satisfied with those so its usually double back half twists to full double front 360 full twist and all that nonsense lol







He does things like side rotations in the air and when he first started trying them, he would often bounce sidewards right over me twat neighbours 6 foot fence lmfao.... praise the lord no broken bones on this lad YET...





Got this photo just as he landed a double front half twist to flat front LOL.... Im sure thats NOT the technical term for it..



How perfect is this photo ..... his trampoline coach says he is the highest bouncer he has ever come across.... he needs to get high to do his twists etc, which is fine in a supervised sports hall, but in the back of me tiny garden with concrete fence posts and twat neighbours and sheds and chicken coops surrounding the trampoline it aint always safe LOL

During the week, my Jacob was doing a few moves on the trampoline when our twat neighbour shouts something over the fence..... he was talking to me, I think lol.... so I ignored him to begin with...... but he kept on and bloody on.... WHAT? I said rather loudly..... he then went on to say that he was having a BBQ with many important friends and work collegues that evening and would like us NOT to use the trampoline during the hours of 6.30 and 10.30..... hahahahahahaha.....how dare me DEMAND instead of ask.... I asked as to the reason why he didnt want the trampoline to be used.... and he said...... because he didnt wanna see someone jumping up and down up and down over the fence all evening when they had friends around and it would be annoying.... all I can say is RED FLAG and BULL :)........

So I says........ dam, and I was gonna ask you if it was possible for you NOT to have a BBQ this evening as Jacob has to practise and the smoke from the BBQ and the noise of chatter and laughing that comes with a BBQ is very annoying and off putting.......

I know I sound mean, but you just need to know what this pratt is like..... he is nasty and foul mouthed and rude and self centred and selfish and ignorant and arragant and an all round twat LOL...... Im the only one around here that stands up to him, and he is only nice, sorta, when HE wants something....

So, he says (you must understand that he is the other side of a 6 foot fence and can not see me doing a chicken dance and making childish faces LOL.... so, Ive made myself clear then have I, he says........... yes I reply, perfectly clear..... Jacob comes in for his dinner and we hear the BBQ friends arrive next door and we hear the twat neighbout put on his posh voice, his, I am better then everyone voice, his fake voice to these important friends LOL...... smoke everywhere..... chatter, noise, laughter LOL......

So you ask did we do as HE asked............. HELL NO, ya see, there are ways of asking favours and there 'are ways' of asking..... and he picked the wrong one :)..... its amazing what fun my Jacob and his 3 mates had that evening bouncing and jumping off the shed with me twat neighbours party just 3 foot away behind a 6 foot fence, which aint no height when ya bouncing 15-20 foot in the air LOL...... my lad said, hey mum, they aint even got matching plates LMFAO ...... Oh shut it, you have to understand the dynamics of living next to this bloke.....

Anyways THAT was not the things mothers didnt need to see........... the following is...... My lad was on the computer a few days ago and said, hey mum come look at this that me matie just sent me..... Jebus mary muvver of whoever.....



This is my Jacob doing a twisted somersault off the junior school roof a few months ago...... son, I says, there are things mothers dont need to see.... Oh mum, Jacob says, that aint nuffin...... watch this.....



I think I need to move closer to the hospital LOL - hope he doesnt start doing this off the tall trees he will be climbing when he goes to college in September lol....

Enough boring Twaddle for a bright sunny Friday morning.......

x

I Tried Honestly I Did - Lord Knows I Did

Ok.... someone tell me that busy is good right? that busy takes ya mind off of those things ya dont wanna thing about right? busy as hell knackers ya out so that ya dont have the time or energy to think about 'those things' ya dont wanna think about right?

As you can tell, its been a busy old week.... one day I will get to slow down... yeah right....

First off Ive been busy before and after school.... me matie that rang me from doodleland one morning in the week will testify how busy I was, she said she could hear the nippers.....



See..... I lieth not lol..... shame I aint this busy with nippers all day..... I know these nippers parents ought to be cleaning their school shoes sometimes though, just look at the state of em lol and cos I cant stand kids going to school with dirty shoes, I bloody cleaned 9 pairs of black shoes and boots cos Sprites little pink trainers was just fine..... like I aint got enough to do in the mornings..gawds sake..

I lost Sprite and Jon again on Monday, as the job their father did have went down the drain on Monday, so that means my job with them also went down the drain so thats $1200 a month down..... so time to pull in the belt that is already pulled in...

Soooo... those that know me KNOW that I rarely spend any money on me.... only the bare lifes essentials plus the odd CD... well get this..... back in the week I splashed out on something for me..... I did it.... I picked something off the shelf and hobbled to the checkout and handed over the goods and then handed over me money..... and let me tell you, it was very difficult..... I was fighting with the voice of sense in me head telling meself that I was being like normal people, and normal people sometimes bought themselves things, even though they could of done without the item lol but I did it...

Ya see, as much as inside I would like to be a girlie girl and wear heels and all the girlie things that girlie girls wear... I DONT DO HEELS....and as everyone knows I dont do pink unless its plants and the odd thing like me Etnies trainers oh and me kitchen scales oh and me crocs lol....

Just before I had me total knee replacement last year, I sat with me matie Ann in her car outside one of the big shops in town, she needed some bits of bobs for a dinner and dance she was going to.... I was already stressed out about the up and coming operation.... so we get out the car and she walks and I hobble into the shop, where she buys what she needs whilst I go off looking at stuff elsewhere.... when we get back in the car she says.... look at what I just bought and she pulls out a pair of beautiful shoes...heels.... quite high... Ive never seen me matie in heels before lol....

She says, what do you think, to which I just burst out crying.... to which she says, what on earths the matter.... so I says..... after this operation I wont be able to ever wear heels....and the tears were rolling down me face...... but Mel, you dont do heels so it dont matter you daft cow..... then I say..... and I wont ever be able to go sking or snowboarding..... to which she says..... but you've always said you hate sking....... your just being a daft cow......but even if I did, I said, I wont be able to...... now ya just being stupid she said, so shut up before I bitchslap ya..... ya see, I use to be so sporty, football and tchoukball and hiking and helping on the all real tough survival camps in the New forest..... and I knew possibly that that part of my life was gonna be over....

Anyways.... so during the week I found meself outside the shops in town..... I wanted to go there to find something special for a friend... but before I looked for that, I wandered into TXMs and walked up and down the shoe aisle... looking for girlie shoes.... yes girlie shoes for me LOL.... not heels cos I knew I would kill meself in them.... well, unless I just used them for the bedroom lmfao

I tried, honestly I did..... I picked up shoes after shoes.... and I just didnt feel it.... didnt get the WOW..... until I came across these....



Oh shut up, they are sorta girlie :).... aint they just the bestest Vans ever....

I tried them on and they were my size.... I put them back and picked them up about 7 times lol.... then thought, I'll just carry them around while I look at other things cos I can always put them back again....

Then I found these....



They are as light as a feather.... and I LOVE 'Rocket Dog' boots..... I know I know they aint heels or right proper girlie....but they certainly aint boys boots.... but listen..... where the hell would I go to wear girlie shoes, so I have to be practical and buy what I KNOW I will get most use out of.... and even FMPs wouldnt get any use out of them LOL....

So I tried with all my might to buy girlie girl shoes, and this is the best I could do.... but, I did get them in the sale.... well cheap.... instead of £65 ($130) and £70 ($140) for them, I only paid a fiver ($10) for the Vans and £10 ($20) for the Rocket dogs.... now that is a bargain....and I love em, so I aint bovvered what anyone else thinks :)

Before I went to pay for them, my mind was mulling it all over..... as much as I LOVE em, did I really NEED em..... this is how my mind works when Im responsible for the mortgage and all the bills on me own and the raising of me lads...its not that I cant afford them, cos I can, its, do I NEED them, but I decided that I couldnt live without these in me life and I would wear them constantly... as I do with me other boots lol...

As my mind was arguing with itself I found I was wandering down the aisle with the pots and pans and all the kitchen bits and bobs WHICH I LOVE with a passion.... I have some wonderful kitchen pots.... I love to bake and cook.... and have a passion for kitchen rubbish lol..... I was actually looking for something for our Tom and his girlfriend Sammie who are now living together, I know they wanted a wok, so I was wok hunting right?.. until, something caught my eye.... something that pulled me nearer..... something I didnt NEED but I so WANTED lmfao..... AND it was girlie beyond measure...... and I dont do pink now do I..... but I so wanted this......



Can you see, its now hung on me pot rack...... ITS A PINK POT.... shiny stainless steel inside and a shiny handle..... its big and deep and beautifully heavy...... and I told meself its right proper girlie LOL....... so I put one pair of boots in the pot, cos I couldnt carry 2 pairs of boots and a pot and watch 2 nippers from disappearing now could I - I gets half way to the checkout when me matie Julia spies me..... hey Mel, what ya buying..... oh I say just a few bits....... oh my she says...... your Sammie (Toms girlfriend) will LOVE that pot..... Sammie I says.... sod Sammie the pots of me...... BUT YOU DONT DO PINK she say.......... oh shut up I said.....its not pink its light red :)

So, now I have two new pairs of boots which I love to death and a new pink pot that I didnt really truely need, but it satisified the girlie part deep inside me LOL

Enough Twaddle for a windy overcast late afternoon.....

ps..... got the rest of me hanging baskets finished today and got our runner beans planted up their wigwam poles.... more later....

x