Friday, 27 November 2009

Jacob Da Jew...

Ok.......... sorry I have not been around..... Ive been working every spare minute of the day...... cos Ive only got before and after schoolers at the moment, which aint enough to actually live on, Ive picked up a little at home job doing some crimbo wrapping for a company that supplies wrapped crimbo pressies to all the top notch grottos across the country, you know, the posh ones cos some of these pressies Ive wrapped at sorta like £20 pressies ($40), they all supply corporate companys with pressies for their workers childrens crimbo parties....... Ive wrapped over 3000 pressies over the past week or so, and its often meant not only wrapping all day but well into the early hours of the morning, making sure the orders are fullfilled...... BUT, tiz dosh.... and its something I can do at home, he said I could go into the company premises and do it, but to be honest, even though its a little slower doing it at home, cos you have to unload all the boxes etc and repack, I'd rather be on me own doing it at home, then at the company with strangers LOL...Ive never watched so much day time telly in me life LOL... Yesterday my little lounge was piled to the ceiling high with boxes LOL....... I dropped them off this morning at 5.45am when I dropped my Ben off to work...and I have to go and pick up another 1000 at 2 o'clock to do over the weekend.....looks like bleedin Santas grotto here lmfao....

I was so sick of wrapping books during the week.... they were beautiful childrens books though, that, in the 400 books I wrapped I thought it would be a nice thing to write a little note and slip into the front cover of a handfull of books...... the note read.... 'SANTA IS NOT REAL AND RUDOLPH THE REINDEER IS DEAD' .... think how much the parents of the children receiving those books will one day thank me, if has saved them the agony of telling their children the truth, I consider I did them a favour :)

I also wrapped over 200 Hannah Montana dolls..... 2 of which are now travelling up north to a corporate company sporting a tash and a beard.... think how happy 2 little girls will be with their 'butch Hannah' dolls :)

Anyways, enough of my rubbish..... I have so many stories stored in me head that I need to get down.... but this is just a short one (that will surprise Buff lol)....

During the weeks before Halloween (I will do me halloween story next week) there was lots of spookie sweets and things in the shops to buy for trick or treaters.... well, when I was in Sainsburys I happened across a little box of 'body parts' and even though my lads are grown I still cant get out of the habit of treating them to sweets every so often.....

Well, I gave our Sam and Jacob a box of these body part jellies.....they was right proper good LOL........ Sam (he is 19 lol) thought they was well funny.... and whilst sitting on the computer he made a little face out of them.....and then decided it looked like a 'jewish person' and as he is always doodling whilst on the computer, he also doodled a picture to go with the jelly body parts......



This is our Sam's scribblings lol..... (sorry I cant seem to turn the picture around) bloody blogger....



As you can see the jelly body parts are quite life like HAHAHAHAHA

So, let me explain about 'Jacob Da Jew' part...... you see, our Jacobs initials equate to the word JEW.... JACOB ETHAN WILL--S... so for since as long as I can remember sometimes he is referred to as Jacob Da Jew :).... hence when Sam drew a jewish person he named it Jacob LOL

Sam showed me the picture and we all had a giggle about it, then I forgot all about it..... until a couple of days later when our Sam said 'mum, wheres that envelope that was on the side that I had to post'....... oh, Ive posted it, I say....... OH SHIT says Sam and then bursts out laffing so hard that I nearly had to man bitch slap him to bring him back to earth LMFAO.....oh my god he kept saying over and over again.... I was gonna put it in a different envelope he says....... no need I said, it a had a frankmark on it so it meant you didnt have to buy a stamp......... BUT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HE SAID........



As you can see, the envelope was going to a fairly important place HAHAHAHAHA

What? I said... What?..... oh mum our Sam says the 'Jacob Da Jew' drawing was on the back of THAT envelope, and you've posted it off....

With that we all burst out laffing, so much so that I think a little bit of wee came out....

A few days later Sam got a phone call from the Job Centre.....hahahaha the woman says, your drawing on the back of your application made our office staff's day.... we have passed it around all the departments, but Im afraid to say we do not have an opening on the job front for a RABBI...... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sometimes my Sam so creases me up..... I do not know where he gets his sense of humour from..... it certainly aint from his father LMFAO....

Ok, enough Twaddle for today, just breaking myself back in slowly....

Hope you are all well, Im sorry for still being such a slagbag emailer, I promise to catch up soon..

know you are loved......

x

57 comments:

basicliving@backtobasicliving.com said...

Reading about Jacob Da Jew made me laugh out loud over my morning coffee!! I love that the company got a kick out of it. Too bad they didn't see the picture with the body parts applied! THAT really gave it an extra pizazz ;-)

Your boys are lucky to have inherited your sense of humor and good nature. I love all your posts, but I especially enjoy the ones that feature your boys! Such fun!

Mickle in NZ said...

Mel, your are so incredibly loved, and cared about, and worried about.

I guess that you're driving means that your leg hasn't dropped off then. Hope your chookies are doing well, and you and your lads.

Sending superior, super sensational love and care to you,

Michelle/Mickle and Zebbycat - he snores and I wish I could purr, xxxxxxx and snorey purrrrumbling ...

Tori_z said...

LMAO!

Don't feel bad. I've not been the best with blogs lately either.

buffalodick said...

We have about a million Jewish lawyers over here.. I'd deny everything! Glad to see you posting again!

Dumdad said...

Glad to see the Job Centre has a sense of humour.

CeeCee said...

You are one twisted woman! I love how you are keeping yourself from going mad, regarding wrapping thousands of presents. :) Being an ignorant American---what is a 'crimbo'?

Funny about Jacob da Jew heading out to the Job Center. Good thing they have a sense of humor.

Take care and keep that leg up whenever you get the chance.

Cedar Street Kid said...

Santa isn't real? Rudolph is dead?
Scrooge!!!!

Jen said...

So glad to see a new post! I was thinking about you lately and how you've mentioned the ways you've provided for your family. I've been trying to think of some ways to earn a little extra, too. Well, not really extra, I guess. But needed. Thanks for the inspiration. And for the funny story!

Lynn said...

Wow that sounds like a really cool at home job to do, I wish they had stuff like that around here, I think I could get used to wrapping and watching me some daytime tv lol

I loved the pics and very funny story about jacob da jew, thanks for sharing lol

Gary said...

Your chicken is not dancing?! What happened??

Sparkless said...

Ohhhh I love wrapping prezies! Although I'm sure it would get old after 1000 or so.
Glad to see your post and the Jacob Da Jew picture made me laugh especially when the jelly mouth had fangs! LOL!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I love your twaddle, uh, stories, Ms. Toasty! Blessing to you and yours.

Jackie said...

Well, Mel...you were right. This post made me grin. I so wish my family was having such grins and laughs as your's. We have had such an upsetting time for the past5 or 6 months. It has knocked the props right out from under me. I've lost all inspiration to keep up my blog and I haven't even kept up with my dear friends. And, I count you as a dear friend. Thank you for being so faithful in checking in on my blog...such as it is. Hopefully, I'll regain the inspiration I once had and do a better job. You are a precious person and I have come to love you as much as a person can love a virtual friend. Please don't give up on me.

Word Tosser said...

Glad your Job Center has a sense of humor, stateside would have had the policial correct police down on the poor boy....

Maggie May said...

That was an interesting and funny read!
So glad you are back in circulation. You are a great person & brighten up everyone's day.
All tose boxes and you are really naughty telling those poor kids about Father Christmas not being real & the reindeers being dead. They will be in therapy for years. No that wasn't nice.I believe any way if any children are reading this!

Glad you are back & hope everything is fine.

Nuts in May

Deanna said...

I will have presents to be wrapped soon.... real soon.... you up for it?
Jacob Da Jew cracke dme totally up!!!!!

AliceKay said...

I'm glad to see a post from you. It's good to know you're still hanging in there. :)

Did you really put notes in the front of those books?

Sam's "doodling" was very good. The body part jellies made it quite the work of art. I'm glad the drawing gave the people at the Job Centre a good laugh. I bet they needed one. LOL

LadyStyx said...

*laffin*
.oO(thank goodness for towels to mop up the bit o wee)

No worries...there are a great deal of us who havent been keeping up on the blog front either...

Lisa said...

HaHa! Maybe the job Centre needs somebody to decorate their rejection letter envelopes! I know just the guy!!

ChrisB said...

I had a good chuckle reading this-so funny.
I don't know how you managed to pack so many parcels, if you had gone to the company premises I'm sure you would have kept everyone entertained with your brilliant sense of humour LOL

Akelamalu said...

Well it's nice to hear that the job centre staff have a sense of humour I was expecting you to say they'd sent the PC police round!

I'm glad you've found a little job that suits hon. How's the knee?

Elizabeth said...

There have been so many things you've discussed that I can't imagine doing...but honestly? Wrapping all those presents sounds like the most awful thing of all. Maybe even worse than surgery. Well, if photographs of the surgery aren't involved.
Always a relief to see a new post from you!

Lisa said...

I've been meaning to ask you, Santa's little helper, do you have to wear those pointy shoes when you work?? Or can you wear your favorite pink tennie-runners as long as you wear the funny hat?

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((Basicliving))))~ we tend to make most companys, especially those that ring us, have some sort of chuckle LOL..... but we can only be us...... someone rang once asking for my tosser X, some seed company (remember we owned a plant nursery), I said he was here, and they asked when he would be around to ring back, I told them, that actually we were in the middle of his funeral so it was not convenient LOL.... you should of heard the apologies on the other end of the phone LOL and NO I didnt put them right...... I said he had died cos he had fallen in the soil mixer and had been churned up and had come out the other end in 3 inch soil filled pots LMFAO hahahaha.... how I kept a straight face on that one I just dont know :)....

We have had a very very difficult 18 months in this family, not that before that has ever been easy lol...... but inbetween the hard bits we do laff so much....xxxxxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((Mickle)))))~ Been driving for a little while now, it was so very difficult at first, I still struggle getting enough bend in both knees to get in and out though LOL..... just thankful that me car is an automatic even though I HATE them and love driving proper geared cars...... see when I got this car (8 seater toyota previa) 3 summers ago, it was the right colour LOL right mileage and right price, except I hate automatics.... I think it must of been a sign for what was to come :).... snores and purs to you all ...xxxxxxxxxx

~(((((ToriZ)))))~ I'll explain more fully in an email when I can get round to it LOL.......xxxxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((Buff)))))~ Oh I LOVE jewish people, I aint racist or nowt... hopefully I will be posting a little more often again :)....xxxxxxx

~((((Dumdad)))))~ us suvviners all have a good sense of humour LOL....xxxxxxxx

~((((((CeeCee))))))~ twisted warped mental loonie I'll wear all those hats LOL

Crimbo is CHRISTMAS you dinlo pmsl....xxxxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((Cedar)))))~ nope Father Christmas aint real :( - during the week I had to take Ryan (8) and Libby (10) with me to pick up some of the boxes, of course they asked all about it, so (and yes I am good with kids) I said, we were going to one of father christmas's grotto workshops to pick up some pressies that needed wrapping cos they were so busy and needed some help..... Ryan was so excited and Libby laffed and looked and me and rolled her eyes *ha.... when we got there and the huge doors opened and they both saw the warehouse piled to the roof with boxes of toys they were gobsmacked.... and as Simon then main goods in goods out bloke walked up to me smiling I whispered to him..... they think this is father christmas's grotto so for the next 10 minutes YOU ARE AN ELF CALLED SIMON OKAY... he laffed and made his voice a few notes higher when I introduced him to the kids LOL..... the funny thing is, Simon is shorter then me and does actually have a little pointed face LOL hahahahaha..... libby asked where his elf hat was and he actually went out the back and came back wearing it...... he explained he dont usually wear it when dealing with normal humans but today he would make and exception LOL...... libby didnt still believe in father christmas this year.... except NOW SHE DOES :) see, Im all bloody heart ....xxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((Jen))))~ Jen I dont earn a little extra, Im the breadwinner and only person that provides for me family.... and it takes its toll trying to keep not only a roof over everyones heads but clothes on backs and food in bellies and still try and give them a life...... I very rarely ever buy anything for myself, the only thing I have bought for me over the past 2 years is two pairs of shoes/boots which I paid a fiver for in the sale.... I always think... well, I dont need nice things cos someone else will need it more.....IVe always been canny with money, and mroe so even now...... sigh..... it gets tiring though after years of struggling to keep us all afloat... there have been many a times when we have gone to bed hungry....xxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((Lynn)))))~ after 2000 pressies its gotten a bit boring lmfao.... I wouldnt mind if it was proper adult fancy wrapping which I adore doing, you know with dried orange slices and cinnamon sticks and stuff, but its just basic wrapping...... but I did yesterdays 600 so fast it meant I had today off from wrapping and was able to catch up with the washing LMFAO....

One day my prince will come LOL but knowing my luck, he will want his bloody horse washed LMFAO...xxxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((((Gary))))))~ it should be dancing now for ya :) - oh and I havent forgotten what I promised and a little something goes off in the post tomorrow - sorry, but life sort of caught up with me.....

Trying to fit this wrapping and childminding and hospital visits and sorting out the house and cooking and cleaning all in so few hours.....xxxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((Sparkless))))))~ yeah it does get a little lame after so many....... the car is loaded tonight with 900 wrapped and boxed top quality toys and books..... I just am hoping that it dont get broken into during the night and the lot get nicked LOL....

Glad you liked Jacob Da Jew LOL....xxxxxxx

~((((((((((Saintly))))))))))~ fanks dear you..... I always think my Twaddle is a load of rubbish LOL.... hugs to you...xxxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((Jackie))))))~ oh Jackie believe me, we have struggled as a family this past year, but our humour keeps us going between the crazy days of confusion....

Im so sorry you are having a rough time of it :( - I to call you a dear friend....and hey, Im like a dog with a bone, I dont give up on friends like maybe others do..... Im in for the longhaul matie whether you want me to or not :) - know you are loved......

If you ever need to talk, drop me an email.... I have huge dumbo ears, just right for listening, or I could ring ya?????....xxxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((W Tosser))))))~ well I think your PC police are a little on a control bender over there LOL... I mean, we still all call our chinese take-away 'The Chinky'.. it is what it is and its not racist...xxxxxxxxx

~(((((((((Maggie May))))))))~ I never your Eddie was your brother, so sorry you are going through what you are at the moment, know you are in my thoughts as you fight this, and I KNOW you will - and if I have to I will come up and draw you new hair with me magic marker :) - oh bah humbug, read me above comments about father christmas and his helpers and you will see Im a soft old cow at heart LOL....xxxxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((Deanna)))))~ Ive always loved wrapping pressies, but more posh wrapping then what Im doing now, but its a little job that came up that I can do at home and inbetween me minded nippers hours, so I aint one to look a gift horse in the mouth :) - aint it funny my Jacobs initials are JEW lol.... we have sick sense of humours in this house, and all my boys have it to LOL....xxxxxxx

~((((((((Alice)))))))~ still hanging and not by a rope from a tall tree as yet :)

answer to your question - YES lol I will add the books were geared at 10 year olds and most by then realise that father christmas is a load of bollocks LOL.... its strange though how all me man/childs still LOVE their crimbo stockings LMFAO... and get this, to dam funny.... Jacob and Sam tip their stockings out and show me whats in them LIKE I DIDNT KNOW lmfao hahahahaha....xxxxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((((LadyStyx)))))~ kitchen towel is more absorbent LOL....xxxxxxxx

~((((((((Lisa)))))))~ now that would be a great job for our Sam LOL.. he is forever doodling and leaving notes all over the place.....xxxxxxxx

~((((((ChrisB))))))~ well our Ben said, mum come into work, you will make the day go quicker for those other woman there LOL.... but then, how would I beable to watch Tye Pennington and that doodle house programme and loose woman and Oprah and all those dooble telly programmes Ive discovered on the telly LMFAO....xxxxxxxx

~((((((((((((Ake))))))))))))))~ nah, they wouldnt dare LOL....

The knees are still shit, still at physio twice a week which is wearing me down..... except they seem to love me going in and we so have a laff.....

Especially last week when I got me little finger stuck in the little hole in the torture chair LOL and they had to get nicks sandwiches with the butter in to try and get it out, jebus how embarrassing LOL..... they said that the chair had been in the gym for over 20 years and NO ONE had ever fiddled and got their finger stuck LOL - there is no hope for me, Im doomed :)..... but Im plodding along, just trying to get the best out of 2 bad things.... complications cock things up bigtime.....xxxxxxxxxx

~((((Elizabeth))))~ racking me brains trying to think what you cant imagine doing LOL - well this wrapping is me in survival mode, sometimes I have to do what I have to do to stay afloat, if others were not dependant upon me then maybe I would of given up with my shit luck years ago :)....

And to think I use to work for The Ministry of Defence and actually have a brain in my head lmfao.....xxxxxxxx

~(((((((Lisa))))))))~ NO I DONT lol, I wear me JIMJAMS and me slippers lmfao..... cos I do it at home with mugs of tea and cats trying to sit on me lap :)..... xxxxxxxx

Frum Helen Back said...

Thank God your back! I needed a giggle and you gave me a bunch. Love ya Marmie.

Pamela said...

I wondered if your fingers were sore from all that wrapping.

I'm so glad you got a photo of it before it got mailed away.

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((Helen Frum))))~ glad it made you laff, I know I laffed so very much, my Sam can have me in stitches with the things he does and the things he comes out with :)........xxxxxxxxx

~(((Pamela))))~ my thumb and pointie finger are as sore as anything, I was given one of them seletape machines that ya pull the tape and then rip against a little saw toothed edge, the number of times Im caught me fingers LOL luckily Im sorta both left and right handed so I take it in turns which fingers to get sore first lol

oh I didnt take the photos, I knew nuffin about any photos until I went to upload me camera... I find all sorts of photos on me camera that our Sam takes LOL.... xxxxxxxx

Flowerpot said...

Glad to see another post from you Marmie - and what a lovely one. How yhou have kept your SOH is quite a wonderful thing - and probably keeps you sane. You take care nowxxxx

Intense Guy said...

I'm happy to see such an upbeat post!

:)

I bet that envelope is now properly framed and hanging in the Tate Modern in London now.

-Many hugs-

Go Figure said...

MT: Politically correct as ever. HA!

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((Flowerpot)))))~ sometimes FP me sense of humour is all I have to glue me together LOL.......xxxxxxx

~((((((((((((IntenseGuy)))))))))))~ as regards upbeat, Ive decided what will be will be in life, no matter how hard I try with people or life, things dont change, so I will just go with the tide and to hell with it, BUT aint gonna let anyone walk all over me again, my soft head is back in the cupboard and my 'MY HEAD' is on me shoulders.......wouldnt it be funny if it was framed LOL.... xxxxxxxxxx

((((((((((GoFigure))))))))))~ oh hush with the politically correct, you tell me what is wrong with this post..... if Sam had drawn my matie black Michelle or white Michelle it would be no different.....:) oh, and what do you mean 'as ever' lol....xxxxxxxxxxx

Sorrow said...

OH!
thats a wonderful bit of twaddle!
And i find myself laughing so hard ..
A couple of butch hanna's and a jew faced envelope..
I mean really if your sense of humor doesn't save you what will.
I have had a rough week myself, and the one thing that has kept it all going has been the giggles i get from my kiddos.
Sending hugs
and laughs!

goatman said...

We just got some pressies from Ohio from relatives for christmas. Don't know if its for last christmas late or this christmas early.
Glad to see you back doing good for the youth of the world (or your small corner of it)

Goatman

SylphSong said...

Oh Mellie... I think I wet my pants a little. LMAO!!!! You came back to Twaddle with a Bang! When I worked for my mother a million years ago I sent a letter to Barbara Rosenberg in Jew Jersey. It was an honest typo which I cut and pasted on the letter AND the envelope.

She was not pleased. LOL!

I love you.

SylphSong said...

I unlocked for you, btw.

Ada said...

Are you kidding me? That is hilarious. I needed a giggle...THANKS!

Gary said...

No worries. I am looking forward to it. xoxo

buffalodick said...

Jeez- Post something! You gotta get going again!

Robin said...

Just wondering how you're doing....

Fire Byrd said...

Loved this, but loved more your support, thank you.
x

Cindy said...

I absolutely despise wrapping "pressies" ! I pay my daughter to do it. Can't imagine wrapping thousands of them!

The Mistress of the Moonlight said...

You sound so much better, Marmie. I wish you would come and visit us here in Western NY sometime. I do enjoy your blog, do love to laugh with you!

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((Sorrow))))~huge hugs to you... I think at times, my sense of sick humour is the only thing that keeps me together LOL...xxxxxxxx

~((((goatman)))))~ hey you :) - any pressie that needed posting from me will arrive late this year, usually Im so well organised, but it all went to pot for one reason or another this year.. I hope you are well...xxxxxxx

~(((((((((((Pixie))))))))))))~LMFAO@Jew Jersey....love you to..xxxxxxxx

oh, and Ta very much lol

~(((((Ada))))))~ I kid you not lmfao...xxxxxxx

~((((Gary)))))~ sometimes the best things are worth waiting for :)...xxxxxxx

~((((((Buff)))))~ ok OK I have, just for you :) I have so many stories of my life in my head, maybe a new year might see me doing better....lets face it, I cant do any worse :) ...xxxxxxxx

~(((((Robin))))~ up and down matie up and down.....xxxxxxxxxx

~((((((FireByrd))))~ you my dear are most welcome, we all need that hand once in a while, no matter how tough and as 'ard as nails' we think we are :)....xxxxxx

~((((((Cindy)))))))~ Ive wrapped over 9,000 pressies now....ARRrrrggggHHHHHHHH....xxxxxx

~(((((Mistress))))))~ Still trying to work through things but hey, I still have me sense of humour.... and fanks...xxxxxx

jolie-jordan said...

I love that you and your lads can find humour and joy in everythig. Life is so much better that way.
Love, J-

My tag for years was JAW...that got me a lot of ribbing too.

神待ち said...

訳アリで家出した少女が神様の救いを待つ神待ち掲示板です!家に帰りたくない、帰れない少女達に愛の手を差し伸べてあげませんか

副収入 said...

最低時給1万円!?誰も知らない驚愕の副収入・・・会員登録すれば今すぐにでも開始できます!!今月ピンチな方・お金を稼ぎたい方はココで稼いで下さい