These nippers in me house every day are part of the reason why.....
And this mob on the noon time Infant School Pickup (I borrowed me maties car)..
An LOADS of this - speculating to accumalating.... (story for another blob maybe)..
As 3 times a week the above....
And what with the house and the garden and me chickens and cats and lizards and washing and cooking and cleaning...... and trampoling club runs and and and ......
Well, I aint really got an excuse why I aint blobbed or got around to emails or flittered around everyones blobs...
BUT, I will tell ya something that I thought was wellabit funny that happened last week......
I think by now most know that me and me twat neighbour dont really see eye to eye.... I fink he hates me LMFAO.... on saying that, he does take in parcels and things for me, ya know, ones that need signing for and cant be left around the back..... except, he dont give them to me straight away when I get home, he sometimes makes me wait a few days and then tells me he has a parcel for me.... the tosser did it last week with a parcel from the States..... I almost wrapped the dam parcel around his smug ugly fat head when he smurked at me whilst handing over the parcel 2 days late......
Anyways, he might of been trying to get his own back cos of what happened a few days previous.....
Let me explain.... me twat neighbour has an apple tree in his garden and its right next to the fence and most of the branches dangle over the fence into my garden...... its a really pretty smallish tree and it offers shade when we sit at our garden table....
Anyways, this year it had an abundance of apples...... more then ever.... maybe it was cos of the crap summer, I dont know, but I know the little tree was ladened down with big scrummy tasting apples........ and how do we know that they are scrummie, well, cos I would just reach up and pick meself an apple when I needed one.....
Example of one of the little dangling branches hanging over my side of the fence..
See, an abundance of apples :)..
A bumper crop.....
Well, the funniest thing of all was that almost all the apples on me neighbours tree were on my side..... maybe its cos the sun would rise this side or maybe it was cos the little apple tree liked me talking to the little robins that would sit in the tree in the spring, I dont really know why, but most of the crop of apples would hanging over into my garden....
As the apples started to get ripe and began to drop into my garden, Janet, Mabel and Cedric would peck them so that I couldnt use them, so I says to my Jacob last week.... hey Jacob, do me a favour will ya, climb on the garden table and reach up and pick ALL the apples that you can reach, before they all drop and become spoilt fallers.......
He said, they aint our apples mum....... I says, what dangles my side of the fence is by law mine for the picking LOL...... SOOOooo Jacob scrumped the apples and handed them to me to put in a bucket...... bloody bucketfuls we picked LOL...
I made loads of apple pies for the freezer and gave some of me maties bags of them........ and then I thought...... I stick some in a pot out on me front wall and put a FOR SALE sign on them.........
OMG I laffed and laffed until I think a bit of wee came out.......
I was putting a pot of apples out the front when me twat neighbour pulls up in his car and climbs out and gets a big box out of the boot of his car...... now, we do say hello to each other even though we both know we dislike each other immensely LOL.....
Me - Hi Dave (his name is NOT Dave but I call him that to annoy him)..
Him - Hello, and dont call me Dave, you KNOW my name is Steve..
Me - Oh yeah, I dont know why I always forget, I shouldnt cos its such a common name... (grin)..
Him - I just bought myself a pressie..
Me - Whatcha buy?
Him - A juicer...
Me - Oh we have a juicer, we dont use it much, you could of borrowed ours... what ya thinking of juicing..
Him - Well, I aint needed one before, but with all the many apples this year, I thought it would be nice to make APPLE juice...
Me - *gulp ~ taking one step to the left so he cant see what I have on me front wall*.. oh Dave, oops sorry, I mean Steve... dont think apples are good for the juicer you should go buy some strawberries or dingleberries from the greengrocers... apples aint no good for juicing...
Him - Our apples will be just fine, Her Indoors is real excited about the thought of fresh apple juice...
AND OFF HE GOES IN HIS FRONT DOOR.......... me, well, I scarper indoors as quick as I can and await the KNOCK ON ME DOOR which I KNOW WAS COMING.......
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK........ I open the door....
Me - Hi Dave, oops I mean Steve..
Him - *very red faced*... did you pick our apples...
Me - When you say 'our' you mean mine and yours right?..
Him - NO I mean Did you pick MY apples... from MY apple tree, which is in MY garden..
Me - Oh, do you mean the apple tree up this end of the garden..
Him - I only have the one apple tree..
Me - Then, no, I didnt pick them...
Him - Have all MY apples fallen off MY tree overnight and ALL fallen in your garden (said in a well sarcastic manner LOL)..
Me - well, a few did fall during the week but me chickens pecked them, I can go get them for you if your that desperate...
Him - So, where did you get the apples in the pot that you have for sale on your front wall..
Me - Apples? oh those apples...... Jacob found them...
Him - THEY ARE MY APPLES AINT THEY? YOU STOLE MY APPLES OFF MY TREE...
Me - Well, not technically, you see they have been dangling my side of the fence now for weeks and we thought you obviously didnt want them cos they had started to fall and ruin...
Him - I was waiting for them to ripen and to buy a juicer so we could pick them and now there is not one apple left on the tree.. (face bright red and getting angry)..
Me - Now Dave, thats a fib isnt it, there are a few at the top that we couldnt reach LMFAO.....
Him - I DONT THINK YOUR FUNNY...
Me - No, your right Dave, oops I mean Steve... but your more then welcome to buy a pot of them off me for a quid....
Him - looking at my front wall and noticing the pot of apples have a FOR SALE sign..... ARE THOSE MY APPLES......
Me - Well not technically, but seeing as we're neighbours you can have the pot for just 50p, thats half price...... thats well a bargain...
Him - STUFF YOUR APPLES UP YOUR ARSE... *crazy expression on his face*
Me - Oh, so they're mine now are they....... I can let you have some blackberries that I picked from the lanes.... ya can have them and the apples for a pound...
HE WENT IN HIS HOUSE AND SLAMMED THE DOOR WITH SUCH FORCE IT ALMOST COME OFF ITS HINGES....
HE grew WE scrumped WE laffed HE didnt.......... some people have no sense of humour...... I did have 4 buckets of apples on the table which I would of given him, if he wasnt so mean spirited LOL..
We did only sell 7 pots of apples lmfao not gonna get rich on those pickings are we, I wonder if I should ask him if he could train his gooseberry bushes a little nearer the fence for next year...
I think as the months and years go by he is warming to me a little, what do you think?
Enuff boring Twaddle for a dark Wednesday evening.....
x
44 comments:
LMAO! Well if he didnt want you to have them he should have either cut the branch back or found a way so they wouldnt hang over your fence! We had a neighbor, back when I was still but a wee kid, that grew the most gorgeous grapes every year. I think that neighbor must have been related to yours because she was forever hollaring when we gathered the grapes from her vines (which were hanging over our fence). My mom told her once "If you dont want us to have them, then that's fine....make sure you clip the vines so they dont grow into our yard!"
Wow, lot of fruit on that tree. I love to see fruit trees loaded down.
oh, I think he's totally HOT to you!
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet tale, mt :P lol
Just love it! Stupid neighbor...thank god I get along with my neighbors. Umm..I just love apple pie. When the weather gets bad over there why don't you make him a pie and some hot choco to go with it...for xmas! :D
Love thy stupid neighbor
Oh No!!! Dave Steve is going to start keeping yer parcels of goodies from the States!!!
I don't blame you for picking those apples, they look delicious! I love apples fresh from the tree. He should have known better then to let all the apples grow on your side of the fence.
We have an apple tree outside my front door. Unfortunately, the apples are good for humans, but the Canada Geese clean them up nicely once they've fallen.
Now THAT is absolutely priceless, dear girl! You almost had a wee, did you?
Brilliant!
And is that you gettin' yer knee joint pulled on fer strength of it, then?
you are delicously wicked, you apple tart you...and now i'm craving apple pie (hot, with vanilla ice cream, please)
...sounds as if Dave Steve needs to evolve into a more elevated lifeform...
oh, and Marmy, whilst at the Grand Canyon one morning at breakfast i saw a gentleman rummaging in a bag and pull out a bottle of Marmite and squirt it on his toast...i was under the impression that it was a bit more firm than that...
LOL Gotta love it! Just remember to pick up the rotted apples out of your garden - the ones the chickens have pecked and toss them back over the fence - I mean they do belong to him you know!
toasty you wicked loon teasing that man so!
and whatever they do to you at physio is making your legs look very young *grin* or it could be your nippers keeping you youthful - they're a lovely lot
That's hilarious!
you are a bloody nutter you are, you just get funnier and funnier!
now just be careful that Dave doesn't accidentally open your next parcel and put it up for sale.
can't wait for the next Dave tale lol
~((((ladystyx))))~ in all honesty, I was going to give him the 3 buckets of apples that were still out on the garden table, but under the circumstances, I dont think he would accept them LOL.... cos by then I had shoved them up me arse LOL....
Over here when we was kids everyone scrumped from peoples fruit trees, it was not called stealing as it would now be called.... it was just called 'scrumping'....
I remember climbing over into Mr Earls garden to go scrumping, he was a mean old man, but instead of taking the apples, me and me brother gently held each apple that we could reach and nibbled around the fruit and just left all the cores still hanging on the tree LMFAO.... I remember it took us all one Saturday morning when he was in town.... his face must of been a picture of happieness when he saw just CORES hanging from his tree LOL....
We so got a leathering from me fathers belt when Mr Earl came and complained LOL.... but jebus, it was soooooo worth it lol....xxxxx
~(((((charles))))~ this little tree has only been in about 5 years and the previous twat neighbours put it in.... this is the first proper year that its been loaded....xxxxxx
~(((((JBelle)))))~ I DONT THINK SO.... he gives me the creeps, thats probably why I wind him up lol.... he reminds me of a 'dirty old man'... ewwwwwww.. he didnt speak to me this morning when I went out the front to get me milk in lol...... he gets his in early now cos, its real weird, some mornings his milk has gone walkabout lol and its usually the mornings when we have run out of milk LMFAO.... that will learn him.....xxxxxxx
~(((((((((Wolfie))))))))~ yep, the apples were sweeeeeeeeeeeet LOL.....xxxxx
~((((lulda)))))~ hey, Im the most 'getalongable' neighbour LOL ask all me other neighbours :).... I love apple pie with lashings of steaming hot custard...xxxxxx
~(((((lisa)))))~ this name changing thing me and me maties do all the time, when we look at someone we give them a name as to who we think they should be named LOL.... and then it just sticks for ever.... my matie Ann has this new minded nipper who is called Daniel.... BUT.... we call him MARTIN lmfao.... cos he looks like a Martin, and now he actually answers to the name Martin LOL...his mum thinks its right funny....xxxxx
~(((chicago))))~ Ive decided next year I will start earlier before we loose to many on the floor LOL.... I'll strip his tree bare before he has a chance to blink LOL..... I use to have a pet goose at our plant nursery, I dont think it had been to Canada though....xxxxx
~((((((shake it all about))))~ yep, thank goodness I do me pelvic floor exercises to control that wee problem LOL - I WISH THAT WAS MY KNEE LOL.... that one bends real good :).......xxxxx
~(((((soul)))))))~ yep, thats me, just a bloody old tart LOL but I do come with lashings of hoooot steaming custard ;) - Dave is a lifeform all of his own..... my other neighbour Andy said he heard the conversation cos he had his window open and he said he had to put his hand over his mouth LOL he said he HATES the bloke next door and wish he had the guts to wind him up LOL....
Oh that bloke had the new squeezie marmite, I refuse to buy it lmfao cos it should only be bought in traditional brown glass jars.... its thick like tar....
YOU SHOULD OF RECEIVED YOUR PARCEL OF PRIZE GOODIES BY NOW :(..... I HOPE ONE OF YOUR NEIGHBOURS AINT NICKED IT...xxxxxxx
~((((mNm)))~ OK I'll lob them over the fence along with all the slugs and snails that I already lob over LMFAO.... I seriously do :)....xxxxxx
~(((((mei del))))~ at least I tease him, most of the other neighbours dont even talk to him lol so he should think himself lucky lmfao....xxxxxx
~(((((elaine))))~ :) just sometimes, my mouth runs away before my brain engages LOL I really need to NOT do these things to people lol....xxxxx
~((((wanderer))))~ Dave KNOWS its more then his life is worth to open a parcel or not even give one to me..... his LIFE WOULD BE A LIVING HELL lol.... he aint seen nuffin yet :)....xxxxx
You are a terror.
I would have said to him that legally they were yours, and what could he do about it?
True story.
Yes, I was admiring your 'legs' too!
I used to love 'spoolying' for apples and plums and whatever else we could find that looked tasty in someones garden hahahaha
My mum told us about a great place ofr apple trees ... the trouble was they were int he back garden of the police station in our town lmao
They were even more tasty knowing that they were "acquired" from the polis hahahaha
I am thinking your neighbour needs a bit of a sense of humour transplant for goodness sake! He was offered a bargain at half price and the grumpy old git wasn't interested! huh .. his problem then eh!! lmao
I think he's warming to you, he didn't phone the police! You're on sticky ground there methinks honey. Windfall you can keep, but you can't pick them off overhanging branches. Ooops! Anyway he shouldn't be such a miserable sod!
Another great neighbor story. I totally think that if the apples are on your side of the fence they're yours. My mom has a nice neighbor. She actually invited her over to pick apples off her tree. I hope she makes pie! Mmmm.
Marmie, you are such a riot! I have the opposite kind of neighbor - the ladies came by one day and asked me if they could cross on to my side of the fence to pick the blackberries, and of course, I said OK, coz I don't have the time to mess with them. Lo and behold, a few days later, a nice jar of blackberry jam appeared on my front porch! You should have my neighbors, they do all the work, and I get the jam!
In a few hundred years, kids in History Class will be learning all about the Great English Apple War of 2008. Marmie...what's worse than finding a worm in an apple? Finding HALF a worm!
Well, if you're trying to cheese him off- I think it's working...
I forgot to mention what great gams you have in that there physio pic! LOL!!
Those legs are lovely!
Hmm, are sliced apples dipt in marmite good?
I'm going to try that... :)
The best apples are the one's right from the neighbor's tree - they taste twice as good as any other. And apples being really high in fiber - they *can* be returned.
I'm going to be laughing at the vision of Marmy eating the apple but leaving the cores on the tree for hours. Thank you Marmite - you never cease to amaze me and always get me laughing. :)
A few of your blogger friends seem to really like your legs, they are quite becoming. At least you got your package from your neighbor, I wouldn't want to think what would happen if he didn't give it to you because of the apple thing. I am glad it all got there in one piece and that you are now using the gifts for what they were made to do. Take good care yourself, The Stickman
I meant to tell you that I thought those legs were lovely also!
I was upset about a few months ago I was walking the dogs and a neighbor down the street had lovely peaches on his tree and he was outside watering them. I made a comment on how nice, etc. My next Walk bye and they were all gone! Damn...my visions of cobbler
shattered.
I thought of sending you one of my dogs doodoo piles petrified...but have it all wrapped pretty like, and have it say "do not open neighbor" etc...inticing him to open it!! :D Wouldn't he be surprised...
Oh, Marmy...I too love little apple trees...I bought one from my neighbor's garage sale about 5 years ago, it was about 3-feet high, and planted it in the back corner of my front yard...first year, nothing, of course, 2nd & 3rd year, 5-6 pretty nice apples, but last year a real nice crop - 100 or so apples. I was so proud! I've never owned an apple tree before and was thrilled to pick the first one, and my grandkids and daughters came over and took bags of them home. But THIS year, it blew me away - the fifth year for that sweet little tree and there HAD to be over 300 apples on it. We kept picking and they almost never ran out! I could have KISSED that tree! I've left one hanging on it for good measure. If you were my next door neighbor, I'd invite you to pick them off "your" side of the tree, for sure!! I shared a lot of them. Love from Idaho, Jeanne xo
LOL I've been scrumping this year- my brother's neighbour has a tree that has branches over hanging a field behind the houses. So naturally we had to pick all the apples before they fell. Luckily they don't seem to notice or bother!!
You are one entertaining gal, Mel....
I LOVE your stories!!
I sense wild, mindless sex with the neighbor ain't happening anytime soon...
That was a very funny post. He sounds a better neighbour than mine so you are lucky really. Glad you got the apples.
Nice to have you back.
I also have a neighbour who hates me. The feeling is mutual and his name is Dave. If only he would let his apples dangle over my side of the fence....
I loved this story! Thanks for finding the time to comment at my place, even though you're so busy at yours!
Hey Toasty!!!! Nice mix of kiddies and apples and such! Enjoy your apple pies and such! And, hope your neighbour eventually pulls his head out and grows a sense of humor.
NEWS BREAK - ME TWAT NEIGHBOUR CAUGHT ME OUT THE FRONT YESTERDAY AND APOLOGISED TO ME ABOUT TELLING ME WHERE TO SHOVE THE APPLES lol..... I told him that it was ok, coz I had done exactly as he had asked and now I have jars and jars of apple sauce..... he laffed.. he actually laffed....
~((((coral))))~ Im sorry to say unless someone has stolen me little tiny tatooes then legs aint mine... I WISH THEY WAS lol.....xxxxx
~((((((((((((Scottie))))))))~ you say spoolying we say scrumping :) - hahahahah we use to scrump in the local bobbies garden when we was kids LOL it was such a thrill lmfao.... I think its the house next door that is doomed, the neighbours before me twat neighbour that lives here now, well, the bloke was a twatt to LOL I use to get on with Vicki that lived there but not her poncy hubby... and hey, I would of thrown in a couple of pears besides the blackberries LOL.... Im so missed you and McTavish....xxxxxxxxxx
~((((((((ake)))))~ nah he would call the police, I have 4 big sons LOL - I explained to him yesterday that I had buckets of the apples to give him back, only he jumped at me instead of taking what I was saying as tongue in cheek lol.......
ps.... he took the juicer back to the shop LMFAO...... xxxxxxx
~(((((((((sisterone))))))))~oh my your neighbours sound so sweet.... xxxxxx
~(((((idaho escapee)))))))~ hey you, i know I owe you a couple of emails... I'll email ya this week :) - LOL@Great Apple Wars...... ewwwwwwwww at half a worm lol.....xxxxxx
~((((((buff))))))~ I cant help it, its like, becoming a sport between us....xxxxxxx
~(((((lisa))))~ THEY AINT MY LEGS lol...... xxxxxx
~((((intense guy))))~ man bitchslapping you THEY AINT MY LEGS lol.... oh apples dipped in marmite MMMmmmmmmmmm I should send you the marmite cookbook :) - the cores was so funny, we did it numerous times, now as an adult I would find it very funny to see that someone has done that to my apple tree.... oh, I chainsawed mine down a few years back lol - I Twaddled at it... go read it, its called The Chainsaw Masique...xxxxxxx
~(((((((Stickman))))))~ I could pretend they are my legs but most would know they aint cos I have a tiny bumblebee tat and a tiny leaping frog tat, one above each ankle, so those legs cant possibly be mine lol.... the gifts you send me are priceless because they are helping me to regain my freedom once again....fank you...xxxxxxx
~((((((lulda))))))~ if I had legs like that at my age I would earn extra money lapdancing lmfao....OH my about the peaches, do you think someone had scrumped them?.... LOL@the dogs poo.... dog poo is one of my main HATES in this world....xxxxxxxxx
~((((jeanneh))))~ I would so love to have a garden big enough to have a little orchard.... I had started planting a little orchard at our plant nursery.... sigh.... maybe I should sneek in and spray some weekkiller LOL.... I know if I moved to the states I would have a house with a big big garden and have room for an orchard and gooseberry bushes and blackcurrants and raspberries and and and LOL you get the picture....you little tree sounds gorgeous.... you are lucky as is the tree :) - xxxxxx
~((((Crispy)))))~ LOL and scrumping... Im more of a fagin I send the kids to scrump lol.....xxxxx
~((((((In-Spired))))))~ sometimes I just wish I was normal LOL....xxxxx
~((((buff)))))~ NOT if he was the last man on earth, I would rather me landing flaps 'heal over'.... he has the look about him of a sweaty dirty old man, everyone says the same.... ewwwwww.... xxxxxxxxxx
~((((((maggie may)))))~ better then yours LOL say it aint so ..... we had APPLE crumble and custard for after dinner this evening :).... guess whos apples they were LOL........xxxxxx
~((((mean mom))))~ what is it with nasty neighbours, all my other neighbours LOVE me lol I think.... its just him.... least I can hold me own with him, actually I can hold me own with anyone LOL...xxxxx
~(((((((kati)))))~ those nippers are just a tiny handful of the ones I have throughout the week.. some days I have different ones.... jebus, if he ever pulled his head out there would be an aweful stink LOL.....xxxxxxx
I bet that apple tree gets a whopping of a pruning this year and no more danglies over the fence LOL. The law here is if it dangles over the fence you are allowed to cut it back BUT it has to be thrown back over the fence.... thought you may like to take a peek at www.whiteytighties.com
LMFAO!! Loved the apple story.
I do believe they are legally yours!
They do look like exceptionally lovely apples too!
those apples look just wonderful....
Ha Ha Ha! Yea, he is that Dave..., I mean Steve, is definitely warming up to ya! LOL LOL
And man, those apples look good!
Are are just the funniest blogger !
I'd love to be a fly on the wall at your place.
Tell me those weren't your legs...I'd be jealous!
~((((ausgrl)))~ nah, he DAREN'T ask to prune the tree lol I say anything that dangles in ya face is mine for the nibbling lmfao.... whatever it is thats dangling LOL.... oh my :) - talking about things dangling, fanks for the whitietightie link lol .... xxxxx
~((((meggie)))~ welcome - they was lovely, I made apple crumble with the last of them last night for after dinner, with lashings of hot custard....xxxxx
~(((flowerpot))))~ I aint no cheapskate BUT I love things for free LOL.... I mean by that, like, blackberries from down the lanes and scrumped apples and even the odd pint of milk off me neighbours doorstep in the early hours if we run out LMFAO..... moi? nick his milk? NEVER *wink wink winkity wink* :)......xxxxx
~(((((bina))))~ I will win him over with love and humour lmfao either that or he will get so stressed out he will plot and plan my demise LOL....xxxxx
~((((((pinkacorn))))~ :) you so would not like to be a fly on our walls, we would feed you to our Brenda our Chamelion LOL.... and I AINT FUNNY.... you just aint taking this blob seriously are ya LOL.... this is my life your laffing at lmfao.....xxxxx
LMAO! Too funny!
And, I'm with you... If it was on your side of the fence, it was yours. And if you'd left them much longer the lot would have been spoiled. At least this way someone other than your chickens got some apples. ;)
Seems like he has a sense of humour after all! LOL
OMG...you are so mean to that neighbor guy. It makes me laugh and then I feel guilty about laughing.
You are a neighbor that will drive him to his grave or maybe (be careful) he will go off the bend and kill you.
That little chunk of a girl sitting next to the car seat is the spitting image of me at that age...with the main difference being that I had dark roan colored hair and lots of freckles. Maybe I'm really from England, eh?
The apples do look mighty fine.
just me...J-
oh and I had a small apple tree in my front yard (way back when) and soe of the apples always fell in my neighboring bitch's yard. Instead of using the apples she'd thrown them at my house.
Splat...crushed apples on my paint.
She's the same neighbor who brewed cabbage in huge crocks in her basement making home-made sauerkraut that premated the entire neighbor with it's stink and the old bat that stole my raspberries and threw bright red paint on my new green Ford.
She was fresh off the boat from Yugoslavia and I always wanted to send her back. I hear she had a slow painful death. I wonder if the kraut fumes killed her.
Ahh...perhaps a irate neighbor. My ex did move my new wife-in-law in after I left and she is not nearly as forgiving and tolerant as I was.
LMAO
love ya...Mel
xxxJolie
I would love to have been there with some good old mining country kick ass neighborly fun with you. How are you girl?
Sam's Mom Truly
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