Me Memories Are Stacked On The Shelves Of Me Mind - They Just Need A Nudge...

Ok........... those of you that have read me blob or actually really know me are probably aware that my head is filled with 49 something years of memories, good and bad, and they are stacked in my mind like old books in a bookshop, forgotten about until someone or something walks by and nudges the bookcase and they tumble out to fall on the floor to be remembered again....

And some of you might know enough about me that sometimes it takes certain coincidences through out the day to all converge and knock the bookcase to reveal its secrets within......

So, yesterday was one of those days, but the final nudge didnt come until last evening when I got an email from a special matie.......and then me head was overflowing with a certain memory...... I wonder what me matie Wendy(PT) would make of the insane way my mind works LOL

Soooooo yesterday was so very very busy, I was rushing around until 2pm like a blue arsed fly.... Im not suppose to be rushing around so much cos of me gimpy knee, but to hell with it lol......

My best matie Sharon's hubby Mark is a fireman...... he works out of Knightsbridge in London, so he commutes etc.... they moved down here from London a few years back but he didnt wanna transfer so hence he has to travel and stay over etc..... anyways..... he was 40 yesterday and me matie booked a surprise 3 day long weekend trip to Prague for them both, and next weekend there is a big BBQ party for him.... anyways.... I digress as usual lol...... Mark thinks the plug overload situation in my house is mental and he worries, so yesterday he got me 2 MORE smoke alarms from work.... well good ones, those 10 year ones cos he knows I forget to replace batteries........ I didnt like to actually tell Mark that the other 2 alarms (so that now makes 4) are still sat in their boxes on the bottom of me stairs lol

So Mark the fireman was the beginning of the nudge, but as yet I was unaware....

I had just an hour at home yesterday with the nippers before I had to begin the pre-school and school run, so Scabbie Jack asked for the box of Happyland Fire Station and Firemen out to play with.......



This is some of the bits and bobs that Scabbie Jack and Sprite were playing with.....

So, the toys were the second part of the nudge.....at this point I was still unaware of the memory that would be knocked into today.....

Anyways, last evening I opened a dear dear maties email where he said he had been up a 'ladder' all afternoon sorting out lightbulbs etc...... and thats when it hit me....... just reading that one single word nudged everything else into a line and opened the page of a memory from when I was 9 or 10.......



In me email back to me matie, I said that I dont do ladders, that I can climb up halfway and then I cant go up or down and Im stuck lol...... I explained that the following reason MIGHT be the cause of me ladder phobia, but who knows..... lol

Ya see, when I was about 9-10 years old..... I remember playing in the back garden with me older brother, he was 2 years older then me, we was lobbing a tennis ball to each other and against the back of the house...... which after a while became well boring, so we thought that he we lobbed it up onto the roof it would be fun to try and catch it and cos we couldnt see where it would roll or bounce off, it would be less boring......you must remember that the roof was 2 floors up and well high to a 9 year old.....

Well one of me lobs didnt see the ball come down, it had got stuck in the gutter, way up high.... me mum came out to see what all the laffing was about, but she was NOT a happy bunny.... she went mad, saying that the ball would block the gutter and that when it rained all the water would flood over the edge instead of flowing down the drainpipe - I remember thinking back then.......yeah and so???

So when me dad came home, me mum told him what 'I' had done..... he was very calm.... which in its self made me uneasy......he went next door and borrowed a real big ladder from Mr Earl.... and put it up at the front of the house..... I ventured to tell him that the ball was stuck in the back gutter of the house, to which he replied that the ladder would squash me mums flowers if he put the ladder up the back - which I again remember thinking...... but the flower border is against the house and its only about a foot wide...... I think it was just an excuse if you ask me...... if he had put the ladder up the back, the ball would of been easy to hook out of the gutter...... little did I know what was to happen next :(

You still with me LOL

After putting the ladder up against the front of the house, which only just reached the gutter 2 floors up, he turned to me and said 'right up you go'.... blank stare from me....he told me I had to clamber up the ladder and front slope of the house (remembering that we had flat slates back then with no grip) over the ridge and slide down the back slope to the gutter and get the ball out......

Jebus, how dangerous, I cant imagine tellin a child to do that..... I cant imagine even asking an adult to do something so dangerous......

But up I went, I had no choice..... I knew if I didnt, then I would be in for a leathering...... me head kept repeating..... ok I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.......... I got almost to the top of the ladder when me dad started to wobble the ladder and was laffing..... that in itself aint nice lol - I remember all this clearly as if it was yesterday..... my mind when nudge is crystal clear like a film being played on the screen....

I did climb onto the roof and slowly clambered up the steep slope to the very top where the chimney was...... I remember sitting on the top ridge with me legs either side and looking down and thinking how high it was and if I fell then I would slide down the roof and fall off into the garden 2 floors below.......so I sat on the top ridge and just froze LOL - I remember holding onto the chimney, the side where the telly aerial was, and no amount of shouting from down below or threats or swear words would budge me lol - I couldnt even slide down to where the ladder was.... I just couldnt move.....

I remember still being up there when the ice-cream van came and as it was getting dark lol.....I remember me teeth chattering where I was cold or scared...... I remember me mum and dad shouting things like....... YOU ARE EMBARRASING US now get down...... and threats of what they would do to me........



This is me with me younger brother, when I was 9-10.... see the houses and how high the roofs were lol the brown brick house in the top right corner is where that spoilt Martin Bennyworth lived lol - my sisters boyfriend (later to become her hubby) took this photo on his new posh camera...... one of the only photos outside of school of me smiling lol

No one had phones in their houses back in those days, not even Martin Bennyworth the spoilt kid lol.......... eventually a neighbour ran down to the shops where there was a phone box and rang the fire bridgade....... I remember this fire engine coming down our close and thinking, I wonder whos house was on fire LOL.......... they put their hydrolic ladder up to the roof and still I refused to let go of the chimney lol......



It would of been a fire engine a little like this one but with a cherry picker on the end of the ladder....

I remember as if yesterday the big smile of the firemans face as he held out his arms to me....... I still wouldnt budge lol......they had to make the ladder with the little cherry picker on the end go as high as the chimney where the fireman just reach over and grabbed me and lifted me in........

Ya still with me? are you mad or what? lol



This is also a photo of me at 9-10 - a school photo....... how could anyone abuse a child, especially such a cute kid LOL...

I also remember my parents telling the fireman with the yellow hat that I was always naughty and that I would be punished for climbing onto the roof.........they didnt mention that they made me climb the ladder to get the ball, they could of put the ladder up the back and I could of just reached the ball..........they didnt mention that I had no choice in the matter and that I was not actually naughty.... I truely was not a naughty kid.......

So punished I was... 2 days in the cupboard under the stairs LOL........I didnt mind, I had me book.....2 days sharing the cupboard with all the coats and the hoover and the tins of old paint........ I think I was only suppose to be there one day but they forgot I was in there and I slept on the coats LOL............it would of been more then me lifes worth to of opened the door and peeped out..... but I had a stash of books hidden in that little cupboard, I seemed to spent a lot of time in it as a child LMFAO....I didnt actually mind being in the cupboard, it was safe, but when they found I had books to read, they took out the lightbulb, that is when me fear for the cupboard evolved.... so I was punished for doing nothing more then obeying me parents cruel dangerous orders......

So I dont do ladders, and that is probably the reason why...... I should put it past PT lol....... but she might get me sectioned under some mental health act and shove me in some cupboard under some stairs somewhere........

This is no more then just a memory, stacked upon the shelves of me mind..

It was what it was.... at the time....... no more...... and no less......

Ok way way to much twaddling on this wet wet horrendous soaking Friday.....

x

life aye........

It Was An Honest Mistake......... Dont Look At Me Like That..

Ok............ I dont know where it began, this fasination with Mooses...... not the chocolate or strawberry mooses but the right proper 4 legged moose.....all I know is that this fasination has been within me for many years now...... and one day I will fulfill me dream and actually see a real live one for meself.....not a photo, but up close and for real.....

The moose is the most wanted animal I would like to see before I die........there is no question in me mind when me maties take the piss out of me about it, that Im dead sure that one day I will get to see a real moose......

Well, anyways, me matie Rich who lives in Alaska knows how much I just so love Mooses, and of course him being up where the Mooses live said he would send me a photo of a real one, one where he had got real close and was himself in the photo...... so I waited and waited, and was real excited, thinking maybe it will be a picture of one in his back garden or sitting out on his front lawn, or sticking its sweet little head in his kitchen window....... well was I in for a bloody shock........... he thought this was dead funny........ can you see me laffing....... cos I aint........ me dear matie Rich only sent me a photo of him kneeing next to a real moose, yeah right, but one he had just hunted :( - it was a dead one, it made me well sad...... it was huge...... and the photo he sent just wont load onto flickr cos it says its to big....

oh very funny right? I will just say in his defence that he is a great big softie animal lover and uses the meat when he hunts...no bits goes to waste... now I wonder if 'love me, love me moose shanks' has the same meaning lol

Now, how I would LOVE a set of them moose horns/antlers..... to hang on me kitchen beams along with pride of place COWIE that me dear matie Starr sent me and me collection of other skulls, oh and me deer antlers....

You probably know by now that I go alot by the signs that Im given...... and last year it was my turn to have the free toy in the cereal box...... and, Im telling you straight up, that its a sign...... cos this is what I got, but not only one but 2 yes 2 in the same box..... now you tell me that aint no sign, cos I wont believe ya....



This is me cheap tackie plastic little nodding moose from me cereal.... I know it aint much but I LOVES this little nodding moose.... well all 2 of em....

Anyways, Rich said Alaska is full of tackie soveigners of different moose things, and shortly after the emailed photo, a little parcel arrived from Alaska...... it was way to small to be some moose horns, and the label read 'real tackie moose stuff' lol....... it sat on me dresser for a few days, it was the first parcel I had ever gotten from Alaska and to be honest I was a little scared to open it, cos me matie has a right proper strange sense of humour......... but open it we did....... and it was packed full of wonderful moosie things...... thick snuggly alaskan socks with mooses on, they was well nice.......... and these really naff but oh so precious moosie soveigners LOL......



They sit upon the top of me dresser which is filled with me treasures lol....special things that maties send me, and precious things me lads have picked out for me over the years of growing up, right proper tackie rubbish that is so precious I cant part with lol.....

Also in the parcel was some Alaskan chocolate bars and sweeties and tins of mints.... one tin of which is still in me car cos they are well hot and will take years for us to eat lol.....

We all tried bits and bobs of the sweeties and chocolate bars, they was quite scrummie......

And in amongst all the Alaskan tourist magazines and leaflets that me matie had inclosed in the parcel was these.......



oh my, oh my, chocolate truffles, oh how I love chocolate truffles.........I quickly unscrewed the lid to find there was only 3 little truffles in the jar...... thats ok, I would share them with my Sam and Jacob when Ben and Tom were not around..... me lads I thought were well sweet, cos they took one look at the little chocolate truffles and said, its ok mum, you can have them, we will have the other chocolate bars......

So I began to nibble the first one...... it tasted not like any chocolate I had ever tasted before...... it had like a fibre texture, but I thought, maybe it was proper Alaskan stuff....... so I nibbled some more...... it was not really to me liking and it was actually making me gag a little..... so I put the un-nibbled half back in the jar with the other 2 truffles and thought maybe me other lads would like them..... I needed 2 mugs of tea to take the horrible taste away........

Anyways, me matie rang up the following week from Alaska to see if I had liked all the tackie contents of the parcel, so I told him that it was all so lovely, especially the socks but I dont think I liked the truffles........ so Rich says....... what truffles?...... so I say the three little chocolate truffles in the little black topped jar........ with that, all I could hear down the phone was uncontrollable laffing and choking sounds........ it took about 4 minutes before me matie could speak........

Mel he said, please please dont tell me you ate what was in the jar........ well I said, to be honest with you I ate just half of one cos the taste was making me gag.......... Shrieks of laffing coming down the phone........ what? I say, what?........

Mel, mel, mel he kept repeating me name like some loon........ they were NOT chocolate truffles...... they werent? I said........... Mel they was real proper moose poos...........

Jebus jebus JEBUS......... your joking right...... I said, your just kidding me ya daft sod........ I swear not, he said.......... read the label.......

GOURMET POOPON MOOSETURD - High in natural fiber with a True Outdoor Flavor - Keep out of reach of children - XCV The Unlimited, Alaska......

IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE....... I had officially eaten a real moose poo..........and I DONT DO POO.......... gawds sake....... he never ever let me live it down lol........

Then a few short weeks ago, yet another wonderful parcel arrived from the states, but not from alaska but from Maine...... in it it was this......



Not the car ya dinlos but the yellow thing stuck on the back windscreen...

Its what you doodles call a 'bumper sticker' but I have stuck it on me back windscreen :)........ me maties here keep laffing at it...... and saying stupid things like....... is that sticker on about a chocolate moose..... or a strawberry moose, and when have you ever seen a chocolate moose on the road that you need to brake for......... bloody peasants some of me friends here....... they just dont understand...... dam chavs LOL.......

It reads - Brake for Moose, It Could Save Your Life...

I LOVE this sticker and like the screaming baby in the back of me car, it has become me trademark LOL........ EVERYONE knows my car........ thanks especially to me moose sticker....... ((((((moose sticker matie that sent it))))))) you so made me smile........

More then enuff poo Twaddle for a wet dark Monday night......

No Bonking For George - And No Night of Passion For Brenda.....

Ok............ I dont know if anyone remembers back at the end of March, when I was so excited when George and Brenda came to live with us....... well, George is no longer with us, he died in the early hours of Tuesday morning..... of what, we aint to sure.....and dont say 'shortage of breath' lol



This was George back in March..... we got him and Brenda when they was about 6 weeks old.... as cute at buttons they was.......



This is George today, laying in a chinky take-away plastic container.... he dont look to well does he? nope...... ya know why? cos he is actually dead.......

Ya see Brenda and George settled into our home real quick, they loved us, and we would get them out every day........and they had very healthy appetites......

But ya see....... it must be this house and midgets....... cos Brenda grew and grew and grew and George grew and stopped...... Brenda is well big now and just ripe for breeding...... and we would look at little midget George and wonder how the bloody hell he would be able to bonk Brenda cos she is HUGE compared to George....... but I suppose like in human life, they would of maybe looked up Page 37 of the Karma Sutra and worked out a good position LOL



This is Brenda she is a bit of a big girl and as healthy and ripe for the taking.......



See Brenda's flakie ear, she has just shed her skin again today....... poor George was not even half the size of her......

About a week ago, my Tom said that George was not well...... he was eating not to good and was a bit slow when picked up....... I said that maybe he had a migraine or had just had a busy day....... but Tom just blank stared at me like I was a retarded loon......

George got weaker as the week went on and upon ringing the vet I was met with......not a lot one can do for a sick chamelion...... bloody tosser vet...... so we went on line and typed in sick chamelions and hunted for a reason other then a migraine as to why George was poorly....... and then When Tom got up Tuesday morning, George was just laying on the floor the top of the mud with his little legs in the air......

I ummmm'd and arrrr'd as to try and give him the kiss of life, like I did once to me stick insect..... but seeing as how I only managed to blow me stick insect up like a little balloon and explode it, I thought that maybe George should not go through that trama.......

So George is laying in this chinky take-away carton while we decide what is to become of him....... I think the little skull might be to tiny to try and keep....... he is well dried out today and very stiff...... maybe I could dig a little hole in the end of his tail and wear him with pride around me neck on a chain......

Hang on a cotton pickin minute.......... I know what I will do with George...... I think I will send him to MrFab, cos he likes that sort of thing :).......

We will miss George, he had become an important member of this family...... and now Brenda is all ripe and needing a bonk and selfish George goes and bloody dies on her...... oh well.....

RIP GEORGE...... we loved you whilst you was here......

Also today we grieve the sad loss of 'Floats' he/she is one of our little Pearlscale fish that we have in our fishtank....... he/she has been acting strange this pass few days...... sort of hanging upside down in the water with its tail on the surface and its face pointing straight down...... Ive had to give it a poke many a time throughout the past couple of days.... and it would swim off for a little while...... only for me to find it doing the same 'play dead trick' again and again..... well about an hour ago, I poked it and it sank to the bottom lol...... and then when it came to the surface, I realised by its bulging eyes that maybe this time the 'play dead trick' was for real.......



This is Floats after I got him out the tank with a jam jar, I have him on the side in the kitchen, just incase he is really just 'playing dead'....

RIP Floats, I will miss poking you.....

Enough death Twaddle for a Thursday........

x

Bloody Maties and Teddy Bloody Thompson.....

Ok......... about 3 weeks ago, I noticed in our local newspaper that Rufus Wainwright would be playing at our Guildhall....... I would of liked to of seen him live, even though he has a weird mouth and I dont actually like looking at him when he sings......

So, I asked me best maties if they or one of them would come with me...... and they all fell on the floor laffing..........

'WHAT, after what happened the last time you went to see someone live - I DONT think so' ..... thats what I was met with...... charming right.......

What you have to understand is that me maties and me have such different tastes in music......... me matie Ann is still stuck in the bloody Tom Jones age LMFAO...... and she did go a bit mental when an X friend of mine in the states got me Toms Autograph lol...... she would of died to of had his autograph signed personally to her....... and me other matie Sharon dont even listen to music and black Michele well, she still likes David Bloody Essex LOL........ ya see...... if ya look at me profile you will see the types of music that I love..... and me maties aint never heard of any of them......... dam peasants that they are......each one of them had an excuse.....

Anyways....... they was holding their sides laffing and saying ..... nope, no way, you have to be kidding........ go on your own saddo....... so you can see what I am up against......

This behaviour from me maties all stems from last year, last September to be exact.......ya see, a matie had sent me a Teddy Thompson CD and I instantly fell in love with it....... and low and behold when I checked the listings of who would be playing at The Wedgewood Rooms in town during Sept/Oct 06 there in front of me eyes was the name TEDDY THOMPSON....... it was a sign, it was meant to be......

So, I asked me maties if they would come with me...... nope they said, aint never heard of him.....you and your strange music..... I kept on and on for over a week, ya know, doing the poor me bit......... its ok, dont worry, I'll go on me own like some saddo and sit in the corner and just twinge on me own..... dont worry about me will ya.........

Until, eventually, me matie Ann shouted real loud.....ok OK I'll go with you, if only to shut you the bloody hell up...... now shut up and I dont wanna hear another thing about this bloke...... WooooooHoooooooo I had beaten them down LOL....... round one to me :)

So I ordered 2 tickets on line and we was to pick them up on the door, me matie actually paid for them cos she found out that it was me birthday and so she treated me..... ya see, no one knows when its me birthday, I dont do fuss ya see........ anyways all was good, I was mega chufted, and I let me matie borrow me Teddy Thompson CD so that she could get use to the music and maybe sing along like I know I would be doing lol

So Thursday comes along and Im well excited lol.....I pick Ann up at 7pm cos I thought it started at 8pm and I wanted to be one of the first in to get near the front (saddo that I am)- it was to be a very private evening with only about 120 people and a low stage ....with little tables and candles.......

ok.... daft bit of detail........ me wild hair had got a bit out of hand over the past few weeks and I hadnt had time to get it cut, actually I also couldnt be arsed lol ........so.... during the Thursday morning with me gathering of nippers I went round me maties Anns house for a coffee, she took one look at me wild hair and said
SIT... Im gonna give ya a haircut LMFAO....... ok I have this thing about hair, that whatever happens it will always grow, so over the years me maties have cut me hair in all sorts of dumb ways lol BUT IT GROWS RIGHT?...... so I grab a chair and the only scissors we could find was the kitchen scissors lol and a hairbrush, so armed
with no more then those two items she proceeds to snip away....jebus we giggled and giggled.... snip snip...... so I says..... this hairdressers is nice have you worked here long LMFAO....me matie then tells me she aint never cut hair before and to SIT BLOODY STILL lmfao......I said, keep the length, she said, TO LATE lmfao......but it grows right? so I got a free haircut and a morning of laffing so much my ribs ached lol

Anyways back to Teddy.......

So we get there early and the bloody doors aint even open, so we toddle next door to The Wedge which is sort of Part of the Wedgewood Rooms... its a pub come coffee house place..... and we sit and watch people come and go..... some well freaky people came in and she said........ yep they are probably YOUR PEOPLE lol.....just before 8pm we notice what we thought was a queue beginning outside the doors to
the Venue....these doors are just a double woodern door, nowt posh ..... so Ann shoots up and says you finish ya drink I WILL GET IN THE BLOODY QUEUE..... hahahahahah...... so I finish up and go outside..... there is one strange looking couple infront of us *ok giggling just typing this*..... you must understand me matie Ann... we have been mates for years and years she is originally from London and we both have the same sick sense of humour and anyone listening how we interact with each other would think we hated each other lol......so we stand there and a few others join the queue (15 people to be exact) ..... I says oh its getting busy lmfao and she quips back..... this is england they have seen a queue and they join it, they probably think its a bloody soup kitchen lol...... anyways the doors open and the security and bouncers stand there.... the first couple hand over their tickets.....well we didnt have tickets cos I ordered them on the internet..... the bloke says 'ya pick ya tickets up over there' and points to a little window.... to which I say to Ann jokingly.....'dont let anyone in if it looks like they are going in before us just rugby tackle them lol.... the security bloke was well laffing and he laffed even harder when me matie stood with her arms open with the people behind her saying........sorry but you dont know what we have ALL had to put up with HER over there and seeing Teddy.... you aint going before us LOL...... it was just
sooooooo funny..... and the people behind us just laffed and waited.......

Doubt you have read this far...... but what the heck.

So in we go.... little tables with candles everywhere so Ann plonks us right in the front dead centre in front of the mics, so that Teddy would be about 6ft from us :)..... it was all very very sort of homely and lovely........

Well his sister comes on first and does a few numbers, amazing bloody voice and then in toddles Teddy...... and starts his stuff.... obviously a tad nervous cos of the closeness of the venue ..... so this couple on the table next to us is snapping pics like there is no tomorrow..... so me matie (already has nicked the posters from the
bar so that we could get Teddy to sign them later) picks up me camera and inbetween songs when Teddy was just chatting away....and I mean chatting like he was round ya house for a cuppa tea..... she says, hey Teddy smile for me matie will ya and with that she snaps a picture....... and he says..... in rather a rude way...... DONT do
that its real annoying...... she says, I beg your pardon, and gives him the evil eye- I think I need a word with you after about your manners lol its them next table snapping away..... so for the rest of the evening she had a right proper 'monk on' lmfao.....



I LOVED every sec he sang, every word me mumbled..... I sang along....... me matie was giggling so hard..... and kept whispering..... hes crap, me mumbles, AND HE IS RUDE lol..... talk about a bee in her bonnet lol......

Anyways after the gig and him coming back on about 3 times its all nice and cosy, off him and his sister toddle....... well he has apparently played at The Wedge at the beginning of the year and he comes out and chats more etc........ but only the sister comes out to pack up the equipment and chat to us, so me matie said... wheres
Teddy ..... and she said......... I think he is scared of you lmfao.......hahahhaha she was lovely and signed the stolen posters...... but he wouldnt come out lol TOSSER lol

But I/We had the most wonderful evening....... even though me matie dont like my sort of music........ how lovely that she came with me so that I wouldnt be no saddo lol......

So I never got to see Rufus..... but thats ok, there is always next year lol....

Sorry, enough to bore ya to sleep for a Sunday evening......

All Cos Of 30 Pence........

Ok.......... First thing I have to make clear, I aint no snob....... Im so far from being a snob that its scarey........ I was bought up, for the first 13 years of me life on one of the roughest council estates in the south of England..... I cant be a snob...... apart from the fact that we actually had flowers in our front garden and no 'jacked up cars' LOL...... thats besides the point........

I like people for people and not for what level in society they find themselves in...... I just need to clear that up, before I post whats in me head.....

So, this week me washing machine stopped pumping the water away..... so me brain says...... ring Graham the washing machine man and he will come sort it out..... but first I thought it best to get the wet washing out, so it would be easier for when he came round...... well someone should of told me that if ya try and open the front loader that is full of washing and water and is continuing to fill up, that once you open the door then 4 or so gallons of water will come whooshing out all over ya feet and the floor LOL....... well thats what I did, opened the door and whoooosh....... all over me kitchen floor, me and Jacob was running around for the second time this week screaming and laffing and grabbing towels....... ya see....... a few days ago I flooded me kitchen in about 1 1/2 inches of water, when I left the tap in the sink running and went to answer the phone and was chatting away for 20 minutes, when I hear WTF and ran to the kitchen to find a flood...... so as you can tell I am use to water flooding me kitchen.......Im sure its a sign, cos we was taking the mickey out of the flooded northerners..... signs its all in the signs.....



This is the flood, all the yuck from under all the appliances came flooding out lol even a half chewed dried up frog, which fat cat grabbed like a piece of that dried up jerky doodle munch on.....and he ran off down the garden with his treat...



This is my jacob almost at the end of mopping lol.......

Anyways.......Graham couldnt fix me machine cos 30p worth or change from me lads pockets had jammed the pump which in turn had caught fire which in turn had put a strain on the rest of the motor and had burnt out the onboard muvverboard computer....... Graham was supprised I hadnt caught the house on fire....... :)....... so I said with all the water that Ive flooded the kitchen this week, it would of been easy to put out lol......... he just shook his head......this machine is only 2 or so years old, and the plumbing in of that is another story LMFAO...

So, imagine this........ 4 sons........ two 5 foot piles of washing including bedding from 5 beds..... and NO washing machine.........

I know, I will ring me matie Ann and she will let me use her washing machine....... so I rings and explains....... and she laffs and says........... Im not going to let you use me washing machine because you NEED to experience the 'Laundrette' first hand.......... so I says........ dont be daft, I dont DO Daisy Dampwashes(me name for laundrettes)....... then she said, today will be a first........... but, I say, strange people are known to frequent those places....... you see its sort of a mean standing joke here that only the 'weirdos' dont own a washing machine and spend afternoon upon afternoon in the laundrette....... rocking back and forth and mumbling to themselves.....

Please remember I aint a snob lol.......

So, I thought, sod it, sod Ann, I'll go to the Daisy Damp Wash....... she said....... make sure you have plenty of change for the machines, your own washing powder and fabric conditioner....... dont brush your hair, have a fag hanging out of your mouth and shove ya washing in black bin bags..... you will fit right in LOL....... OH SHE THOUGHT THIS WAS SOOOOOO FUNNY.......

I mean, its only a laundrette right, and normal people must go there to right, cos I mean, Im normal and I have to go there today to experience the other side of life......

So I shove Sprite in me car with the BIGGEST OF BIGGEST bags with at least 4 washing loads in...... its up the road about 2 miles, and when I get there its tipping it down and I shove Sprite in the buggy, hang me bag with me money, me book, Sprites dinner and a drink on the handle of the baby buggy and then try to carry the HUGE bag of washing whilst pushing the buggy with one hand........ it was not a good sight lol.....



This is the said Daisy DampWash, snapped on our way home from trampolining last night, I made Jacob and Aimie get out the car and take the photo, they blank stared at me...... it was to much to explain lol....

Ding, I open the door to the laundrette, well if you have seen the film Deliverence, you will know what I was met with........ there's me, pushing the door open with me bum dragging the buggy and heaving the washing..... as I get in the Daisy Damp Wash....... its dead silence, and 8 heads turn and blank stare at me....... just staring me out....... bleedin freaks....... Im so glad I hadnt brushed me hair, cos at least I sort of fitted in a little.......

Ok, you see, I aint never been in a laundrette before, and as I stood there in human silence with just the whirl of machines humming and spinning, a huge shadow of doubt on my ability to fit into the normal world hit me.......

I had no clue as to what I was doing lol....... so to break the ice and to maybe get a bit of life into the place, I say real loud.......... OK, as you probably realise I have no clue as to what to do, or what machine does what....... so, anyone gonna help me suss out whats what........ blank stares........ come on, you all seem to know the routine...... blank stares......... in me head I have banjo music playing...... so, it looks like Im on me own, I can do this, its just a bloody daisy damp wash, how difficult can it be.......

So I park the buggy away from the freaks and take the first 4 washing machines nearest the door........ ok, I say, why are these machines different, can I just use anyone? or are there different machines for different things....... blank stares........ ok ignore the ignoring freaks suss it out, me head is saying...... so I load the 4 machines and try and find instructions lol....... non....... so I guess....... then look for where to put the powder etc...... shit, I'll have to ask........ ok, you lot *big smile* noticing when they smurked there seemed to be a lack of teeth...... ok, surely someone will tell me where to put the powder..... give me a break will ya......... in the top someone eventually mumbles..... yeah well like I would know that, cos Im short and the machines was well tall lol......

Four machines bubbling away...... time to sit and feed Sprite and enjoy the company of freaks......

I had told me matie that I was taking me book and if anyone tried to talk to me I would just say 'I own me own house, this is a book, do you know what a book is, please leave me alone, I dont belong here' lol I had it all worked out in me head....... some of these freaks were real proper freaks, one bloke stood for 40 minutes in front of the tumble drier watching it go round and round, I sat near the door ready to make a run for it if it turned nasty....... I WAS OUT OF ME DEPTHS.........

Me machines stopped one at a time, so I grab this plastic washing basket thing, it was sooooooo plastic lol I do not think these people would of known what a wicker washing basket was lol......... aint I mean......... so, I grab this basket which was on the bench and start to unload the first machine, when this loud voice says........ THATS MINE....... so I looks around to see this 'freak' not 12 inches from me, repeating, THATS MINE.......oh, I say, well you aint using it at the moment, do you mind if I just unload into it to put we wash in the tumble drier....... BUT ITS MINE she says......... I know, I realise its your, but I wont break it and your machine is still spinning, you see, I didnt bring one, actually I dont even own one...... going for the sympathy vote....... BUT ITS MINE........... deep breath....... ok OK keep me, it dont matter....... smiling sweetly....... so after 4 walks the whole length of the daisy damp wash, transferring me wet washing to a tumble drier and just about to put the money in when the same woman says......... THATS MINE......... I know, I said, thats why I didnt use it.......... NO, she says, THE TUMBLE DRIER IS MINE.......... now, as far as I could work out, one is not allow to bag a machine when its empty........ and now hot and steamed up, I says........ well Im right sorry but your machine aint finished and mine is so, looks like your out of luck...... shove me money in and stare the woman out......jebus this place is well scarey.......

Ding, the door opens, all heads turn yet again....... even mine, shit, Im becoming one of them.....Oh my goodness, a face I knew, I knew the face coming through the door...... it was the woman that lived in the next road to me whos hubby is a taxi owner and does airport runs........ I almost run to her in joy....... the look on me face must of said it all.....she came over and said, what you doing here lol...... so I explained and she well laffed....... safety in numbers right, now there was 2 of us, well and sprite but at one she didnt count...... the woman was there to wash duvets lol..... thank the lord for dirty duvets....... now let the freaks start...... bring it on......

2 1/2 hours later, with me dry washing back in the huge bag, hot and sweaty I head for the door.......... bye, I say...... it was nice meeting you all......... are you here every Tuesday?......... mumbles of, yes its when we get our government benefits....... I say......... ok...... lets make it a date for next Tuesday then....... NOT......

I have never been so pleased to get out a place in me life....... I had visions of being dragged and shoved into the huge tumble drier and the weirdo bloke just standing there watching me go round and round.........

I came home and got on line and ordered a new washing machine, I DONT care that its 400 quid ($800), I would rather find a stream and a rock then to face the Daisy DampWash on a Tuesday........ I wonder what the clientelle would be like on a Thursday...... well, its a thought......

So, cos me lads left 30p in the pockets of their trousers, it cost me 400 quid for a new machine, which will take 1-3 weeks to be delivered, so they are gonna wear dirty clothes cos I aint doing the Daisy Damp Wash no more....... I think I need to start checking trouser pockets......

Ok, sorry, more then enough Twaddle for a 4th of July- oh - HAPPY 4th of JULY you doodles - aint you glad we let you win that one :) or we would never of heard the last of it from ya LOL.......xxxx

Just A Quickie For A Sunday Night.......

Ok......... I dont know if anyone remembers when I got me bird table and the stories back in March....... if ya wanna bovver with reading it then its here ....

At first we didnt get no birds for weeks and weeks, they would just circle the garden, and then slowly but surely the birdtable has now become quite a hive of activity first thing in the morning and during the day we even get 2 collared doves hanging about...... and the little robin is getting quite tame and is almost eating out of me hand, well until Janet gets jealous and comes huffing and strutting up the garden....

So....... me cat Ambrose is always bringing in little birds she has caught, she is always hunting down mices and frogs and bringing them in the house for me as a pressie...... she loves fresh meat....... but sometimes in that quest for freshness, she has retarded moments and even makes me wonder where she get her bleedin ideas from......

She often falls in me twat neighbours little daft pond whilst trying to hook out his goldfish....

Anyways, on Thursday we actually had a break in the weather and the sun shone between the storm clouds, so I shoved the minded after school nippers into the garden, cos they was well getting on me tits.......

When Zoe and Beth come running into the kitchen shouting, Ambrose is being stupid and they was giggling and laffing.......quick Mel quick, come and see.......



This is some of me afterschool mob on Thursday...

So, I hobble out to be confronted by me retard cat Ambrose awaiting fresh meat......



Did Ambrose 'really' think that by sitting on the birdtable that me little tits and me robin and me finches are as daft in the head as what she is.......

I can just see the birds sitting on the fence saying...... oh look its that stupid cat Ambrose..... does she think we was hatched yesterday..... come on maties lets go over to black Patricks garden, I hear they have cake crumbs out today......



Sometimes I dispair at the animals that I surround meself with, cos they AINT BLEEDIN NORMAL...... gawds sake....... do all these lunatic creatures get drawn to me because they sense 'I aint right in the head' or do I just attract like minded lunatics lol.....

Enuff boring Sundee night Twaddling........

x

I Sometimes Wonder What..............

Ok.......... This is probably me most favourite photo that I have in my possession......Thats my Jacob on the left when he was 4 and thats me mad matie Moira's girl Bebhinn (pronounced Bevin its irish).......they were born only 2 weeks apart....



I love this photo so very very much......

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be looked at with such love......I think, I would hope, that I give out love to special people in me life by the bucket load, and its not given lightly....what I mean by that is when I say those words 'I love you' to whomever, it truely, purely, honestly means that I do..... and with those words comes the undeniable fact that I would just about do anything for the person that I give those words to.......

BUT......... I have NEVER in me whole long life, ever been looked at like Bebhinn is looking at my Jacob...... not with pure love, not with honest deep love...... maybe I never will...... who knows.......

So, what bought this all on...... well, ya see, my brain has so many memories stored about in files..... me brain is like a photo album stuffed full of me life and every single thing that has ever happened..... but like a bookcase full of books sometimes I need a 'jog' to remember things and what shelf they are stored on...... a word over heard can flash up memories from me head and lay them out before me on the table, things that seems as if only yesterday that memory was stored on the 2nd shelf....

So it was strange today, or this past few days, PTs funny posts about Marmitetoasty and love and then someone at school this afternoon called out to someone and I overheard the name Moira.... well its not a common name here, this aint Ireland ya know..... and I had this big whoooosh of memory, good memory, sad tearful memory, a memory as clear and crisp as fresh lettuce...... a memory of me dear matie mad Moira... so I came home and had to hunt for a few photos to go with those memories......

So thanks PT cos I think the things we have talked about and the memory jog today are connected....... ya see, love comes in many forms....... love from and of ones children, love of ones specal maties and hopefully love oneday of someone that will look at me the same way that Bebhinn is looking at my Jacob...... ya see...... one day me prince will come.......LOL

Anyways........ Bebhinn is the daughter of me matie mad Moira, the story of me matie is way to complex and complicated to post about...... suffice to say, we didnt know each other until our second children were born...... she has 4 kids almost the same ages as my boys..... except I have 4 boys and she has 3 boys and 1 girl..... our gardens use to back onto each other, the 4 children were like one, if they was not all at my house then they would all be at mad Moira's...... Ive never had a mad friend before...... I mean a real mad as in mental friend, as in she was diagnosed with some manic mental thing from when she was 12........ but in many ways it didnt affect her life UNTIL...... her hubby walked out and left her with her 4 kids about 6 months before my hubby walked out and left me with 4 kids LOL...... maybe it was a trend...... maybe it was the fashion of the time....... it was weird cos mad moira was married on the same day and the same year and at the same time as me and my X hubby..... except she was in London and I was here in this village....... we were still 4 or 5 years within meeting each other...... maybe it was fate, maybe it was a sign at just how strong and close and wonderful our friendship was to become......

Me matie was an amazing Art Teacher, but when she was left she completely lost the plot of life and all the wonders it still had in its hands for her........ she became lost in a world that I so couldnt understand, all I could do was to be there for her....... as I will be forever......



This day was so funny, Bebhinn and Jacob had got into Moira's shed and the tins of paint and they came to show me what they had been up to LMFAO...... I remember saying to Moira...... just tell me it aint gloss paint, please tell me its just emulsion lol...... I love this photo...... love it.....

Ya see....... I myself was struggling with the emotions and financial problems of 4 children and being dumped on the shitpile of life called single parenthood...... and when me matie Moira lost the plot of life by becoming a big drug taker to try and take away the pain........ she sold her house, the only stable bit of life her 4 kids had, and they were to be taken into care by the social services...... I asked her what she wanted to do.... what SHE wanted for herself to do........ she said she just needed time on her own....... time to sort out her life...... time to get to grips with everything over the years of madness........ she said she didnt want the children........ she couldnt cope....... she didnt wanna cope....... she said she wasnt me..... she couldnt bounce high enough......

There is no way in hells water that I would let these children, that were in fact just an extention of my family go into care....... so, we packed their clothes and bits and bobs and they all moved in with me and my 4 sons....... after all..... they was all like brothes and sister anyways, there had been inseperatable for years...... they were as one........ and 8 kids is just like having 4 kids, right? LOL



This was one spring day in me garden..... the feeding of the 5 thousand lol..... the friend on the far left that had come round for lunch didnt know what had hit him as these 8 children acted as one LOL.......

So, within 6 months of me trying to cope with my own rejection, I took on these 4 beautiful wonderful children that had always seemed a part of me life...... there is no way I would of let them go into care, not whilst there was breath in me body.......



You can see how close the children all were, people use to think I had 8 kids lol...... which bit of '4 of the kids were of a slightly darker colour' didnt they see lol....ya see, their father was anglo-indian......and Moira's kids had the most beautiful olive skin.... which got ligher with each child....we use to joke and say that her hubbys ink must of been running out by the 4th child LOL....... my Ben is missing from this picture cos he was on a school trip......

So....... me matie moved into a little flat overlooking the Itchen Toll Bridge as she struggled with her addiction and her mental illness...... and she would come and stay some weekends and I would go there and stay some weekends......

One night, I think it was the last night that I ever got truely rat-arsed...... remember now, I was raising 8 kids under the age of 16 on me own emotionally and financially...... ok so I deserved a drink lol...... well we got so rat-arsed that we decided that we could easily walk along the parapit of the Itchen Toll Bridge at Southampton, 30 foot above the raging river lol....... how we didnt die that night I will NEVER know, one slip and we would of plunged into the depths of the river lol..... that night we laffed and cried and laffed and remembered so very much fun and laughter we use to have with the kids....... and it was, I thought a turning point for me matie........

She bought a house in Southampton and realised that selling her home here in the village was a mistake, but she was ready to start afresh....... there is NOTHING I wouldnt of done for me matie and her children and there was NOTHING that she wouldnt of done for us.......

She then met a blokie and buggered off to Australia for 18 months taking the children with her....... it was to be the loneliest period of me life.... but I was so happy for her and the kids...... there was so many tears at the airport when I waved goodbye to them all....... and so many hugs and tears when 18 months later they came home......

But within a year, her depression had come back and she again lost the plot of life, she didnt wanna be a mum no more, she said dads just up and leave why cant mums just up and leave........ and that is what she did........ she packed her kids up and turned up at her X's house (whom had remarried and had a tiny little house with this woman and her 2 kids and a child they had between them) and she dropped the kids off at their fathers and said she was off to Australia to start on her own........not with the boyfriend.....she said I was mad for wanting to stick with a life of struggle and kid raising........ oh how wrong she was on that one.......

She said, she was not like me, she couldnt be what her kids needed, she didnt wanna be the one to struggle and cope and explain and couldnt cope with the pain....... and she upped and left...... without a backwards glance......

UNTIL last year, when I got home from the school run, she was sitting in me kitchen with a sarnie and a cuppa tea....... just as if 2 years had faded away....... and it was just as if it was the week before that I had seen her....... that is how close and special our deep true friendship was...... she knew, that I would ALWAYS be there for her, no matter how many years slipped away...... no matter if I hadnt heard from her for over 2 years...... no matter what.......

She stayed just over a week, the kids all came over and it was like old times only the kids were all so much older and bigger etc....... we laffed and cried and laffed and laffed......... and then I got up one morning and she was gone...... just a little note.......

I LOVE you Mel...... fanks for being you.......

I dont know if I will ever see me matie again...... I dont even know if she is alive..... or where she is living....... but I do know, that when she needs a friend, or a hand, or someone that understands..... she will turn up and be sitting in me kitchen with a sarnie and a cuppa tea when I come in from the school run......

That is a lifetime friendship........ I hope she is safe, I hope she is alive, I hope that oneday she finds what she needs from life, and I hope that oneday I can be apart of that madness again LOL.....

I miss me matie mad Moira....... and her kids...... she was not the only one robbed that day when she walked out of everyones lives......

Now, I DONT want you lot to think that Im a softie or whatever....... cos I aint...... and I have a 'well ard' reputation to uphold....... so keep all this under ya belt, ok?

Enough memory Twaddle for a wet Tuesday.......

x

On-Line Feline Surgery.......Ambrose Please Forgive Me.....

Ok................ I have this cat, actually I have 2, well, sort of 3, but one is like a part-time cat and lives somewhere else part of the year and tends to live with us in the winter..... anyways thats off track.......

I swore to meself about 20 years ago, that I would never love another animal after me mother had me dog put down to spite me, it was a dog that I had had when I was 16 and it became me best companion, I so loved that little dog, it was like me little bit love in a home that didnt have much...... its a long story, and I wont bore you with it on here, just suffice to say, that me little healthy dog was put down in a mean and spiteful act to try and punish me...... anyways, after the upset of that I said, I would never get attached to a little animal again....... cold hearted git I am...... but ya know me...... well it didnt last.... look at me love for Janet LOL and Eric to name a few.....

So one of me cats is called Ambrose...... Ive had Ambrose for 12 1/2 years...... I love this cat, I love this cat so much, that I would run into a burning building to save her......

She is a tail-less, skankie, scabby cat...... we are very well suited...... I love her and she LOVES me with a passion...... I can hardly go anywhere in me house or garden without her being at me feet.....and now with her and Janet Im surprised I aint fallen arse over tit tripping over the pair of them lol

So........ this morning when I walked down me stairs at 6.30 to bung the kettle on, imagine how me heart beat and the dread in me soul when I saw this.......



I thought she was dead.....

Jebus me heart almost stopped, I had this huge lump in me throat...... it stopped me dead in me tracks...... oh no, oh no, please, please, not Ambrose....... so I slowly walked up to the computer table to where she was hanging over the edge, sort of dangling and went to touch her thinking she would be all stiff and riggered into that bent shape, when I must of startled her, cos she shot about 3 foot in the air in fright LOL......... oh bloody hell she had just been sleeping lol........

When I thought she was dead, it bought back a memory of a few years ago....... ciara might be able to remember it LOL........... ya see....... I use to chat in this place that I call the 'Gloomies' whats where I became friends with that slag ciara..... a mix of people use to chat in there, many many disturbed people lol, but a handful of real lovely maties..........this was before I was shown the world of blobs and blobbers....

Well, one evening I was sort of chatting to a few maties in there, when me cat Ambrose wandered in from the garden and jumped up onto the computer table........ usually when Im on the computer she can be found here......





This is where Ambrose sits when Im on the computer...... she needs to be near me lol

So....... me cat jumps up onto this computer table and I notice that her head on one side is about twice the size it should be...... her face on one side was all swollen and her eye was amost swollen shut.......

Well, one of the maties that I use to chat with in the 'Gloomies' was some sort of Pig Vet Doctor Person...... quite a clever blokie in his field, and he had been me matie for a while, so I mentions that me cat's head and face was sort of BIG ..... so he tells me grab her and look at the face proper...... which I do, and I tell him that the whole side of her face is hard but twice the size and there was 2 little puncture marks on the swollen bit.......... so he reckons that me little skinny skankie tail-less scabby cat Ambrose had probably got bitten by another animal and had some absess on its cheek...... and he said, oh Mel thats easy to deal with......... so I says..... what, me deal with........ so this is what happened......

He told me to get a towel, a sharp pointie thing, and something to disinfect the wound, and he would talk me through on-line in this chat room, what to do LOL...... so I gather the tools of the trade except the only sharp instrument I could find was me bread knife and the only sterilizing thing I could think of was a bottle of bleach and a tiny bottle of gin....... I was not sure what he meant by something to disinfect the wound, but thought bleach and gin sounded about right, cos I knew bleach well cleans our loos and gin Ive seen them pour on a wound on a film on the telly...... :).......

So I grabs the cat in a towel like me chatroom matie is telling me via me computer screen....... he then told me to make a tiny incision in the swelling and to gently squeeze and the poison (hence the swelling) would squeeze out, he warned me that it would stink, and that when I had popped the absess and squeezed the swelling, to then apply the stuff to sterilize the wound....... he didnt ask me what I was gonna use, I presume he thought I knew what I was doing lol.....

Well........ you aint seen nuffin like it....... I grabs Ambrose, gently digs the bread knife into the swelling, squeezes it gently (see was NOT happy with this and starts to struggle) all the time gagging cos the smell from the oozing pus...... she is still struggling a little, but I did have her wrapped in a towel....... so then I apply the bleach and the gin mixture to the open cut.......... BIG BIG BIG BLOODY MISTAKE..........

Now, whether it was that she would of preferred a nice brandy or a lovely malt whiskey or that she just didnt like the bleach gin mixture on an open wound, I aint sure........ but she meowwwwwwwed soooooo loud that I let me grip of the towel loose and she begain really struggling and clawing..... so I grabbed her collar and she went mental....... she forgot that it was me, me that loved her, me that was only trying to help...... and she clawed and fought and scratched and hissed and bit and scratched...... all the time, I still have hold of her, scared shitless now to let go LOL..... well I eventually let go cos I thought she was gonna claw me face as well as me arm........ she shot out the catflat as such a speed that the 2 sec magnetic lock delay didnt have time to work and she took the door with her LOL........

When I looked at the mess before me, there was blood everywhere..... but not from Ambrose it was coming from me LOL....... she had clawed me arm and wrist and the blood was spurting from a cut on me wrist ....... gawds sake....had to apply direct pressure for yonks to stop the flow lol...... good job I know what to do in an accident emergency.... all that medic training comes in handy sometimes......

Well me matie on the screen was saying (well he was typing)......... talk to me Mel, whats happening, have you done it.... LOL....... so I thought I had better give him a rundown...... and all he could do was laff and take the piss........ GIN AND BLEACH you used gin and bleach, are you MENTAL lol......... so I logged off and went to find me cat....... she eventually came back in after about an hour........ by then I had stopped me wrist bleeding and I rang the AniMed Vets which is open all hours........ it was now late sunday evening and the vet told me to take the cat over to them which is about 14 miles away.......... Jebus, sunday evening out of hours, this was gonna cost me, BUT...... I love me cat and it didnt matter......

So we get to the vets and I relay what happened........ first of all he was a little cross with me, and then he laffed and laffed and laffed....... he actually said I had done quite a good job with me 'online feline surgery' but the best thing I could now do was to get meself down the hospital cos he thought I needed stitches in me wrist LOL....... so I asked him if he could do it to save me a trip, with which he almost creased up with laughter........ but the funny thing is, I was being serious lol......

So 'on-line feline surgery' cost me £150 ($300) for the vets bills for the out of hour appointment and the anti-biotics for Ambrose me cat........ and also cost me a 2 hour wait down the hospital and 5 stictches in me wrist...........

So after the frantic evening, I eventually got back home with me cat and me wrist stitched and I drank the rest of the gin LOL......

But ya know what........ Ambrose forgave me, cos she knows I love her, and I was only trying to help.......

She has no tail cos me twat neighbour caught her tail in his garage door and the vet had to cut it off to save her life....this was about 8 years ago.. and she has real bad skin cos she has Eczema.......she never wanders out of the garden and she loves people and she loves me especially......



She loves boxes...... remember that photo of her when she claimed the box with shredded paper that dear Starr had sent Cowie in......



She has to be next to me when Im in the garden, even if it means sitting in a flowerpot lol...



I know this is a little dark, but Ambrose and Janet me chicken have become firm friends...... and usually where one can be found you will find the other......

Did I ever tell you, THIS IS ONE CRAZY BLOODY HOUSE......

Soooooooo......... if ya have any pets that need sussing and sorting, I have bleach and gin :)...... and a little scar on me wrist to prove me mentalness that Sunday night a couple of years ago LOL

No more 'On-Line Feline Surgery' for me....... EVER......

Way way to much boring twaddle for a summer solstice evening.......

x

To My Father - I Should Hate You But I Dont, I Cant....I Love You...

Ok....... What you have to remember is that my father for whatever reasons in his life, was, towards his family and very noticeably towards me, a differnt man to what he was towards his friends and work collegues....... he was funny and witty and very well respected in his field...... why he changed when he walked through the door of his home, when ever he came home..... I do not know....... I can only presume he didnt want to be there......maybe it was the war that changed him, or his father leaving his mother for another woman, maybe thats what made him bitter, maybe its cos he knew his marriage to my mother was a mistake....... he should of just leant how to channel his anger in another way, instead of towards me......

So Dad, this is for you......



I wish I had known you then dad, when you was a young man of 19 and going off to war..... with your whole life lay out infront of you, was it the war that changed you dad?...... I wish I could of known the man that your were then, the one that I have been told, was oh so funny, and loved people and cared about everyone that was a part of your life....do you think thats where I get me fun side from dad?....do you think thats your legacy to me...... I know you knew love inside you then dad, cos the words on the back of this old photo that you sent to your mum, well, they speak volumes of the young man you were.......'To mum, hoping that you like this photo, please keep it safe in your heart, All my love... Reg xxxxx' - so I know dad that inside, you had a heart...... I so wish I had known you then dad.....

Even through all the beatings all the weeks of silences where you wouldnt even acknowledge my presence in a room, even through all those hours you shut me in the cupboard under the stairs, even through all those birthdays and christmases that you never said a kind word let alone bought me a present, even through all those birthdays and christmases of my brothers when I would sit quietly and watch my brothers open presents upon presents knowing there was nothing under the tree for me, even through all those times you would look at me with disgust and loathing, even through all the vile nasty words you spoke to me...... I LOVED YOU...... from a young age, I knew that you were angry, not with me, but with the world, or the circumstances you found yourself it...... but I loved you....... and I told you, and you never acknowledged a single word I spoke......

If I ever asked for anything, I would get a beating, so I stopped asking...... I know you wanted me to break down and beg and plead for you to stop beating me.... I know I was stubborn and I know that I use to stare you out, and never cry, I knew that made you angryer....... but, you were you Dad and you had your reason and I was me, and I could not allow you or anyone to take away my soul and spirit..... I knew that would walk me through life, so I clung to it, and you were not allowed to take it from me.....

I LOVE you dad for loving my sons the way that I would of loved to have been loved by you...... I love you for giving them memories of a kind man, a gentle man, a funny man, a grandad that I so needed you to be to my sons.......

I loved you when you let me back into you life, when my sons were younger, even though I know you were using me cos you were bored and growing old and felt alone.... I loved you when I knew all the nasty things you were saying behind my back to my brothers, you played us all against each other dad, for what means I will never know........ you distroyed a strong bond that we all had, we meaning me and our Paul who was 2 years older then me...... dad, I loved you even though I knew what you were trying to do.....



Remember this photo dad, my sons are laffing cos you were making them laff behind the camera...... they loved you Dad, so very much..... they not only loved you, they needed you......

You broke there hearts dad, the day you chose to no longer be apart of our lives again, you broke their hearts, but I would not let you break their souls...... but I thank you for the few short years when I was truely proud that you were my father and were their grandfather, even though I knew it was for your own gain......



See this picture dad, this was taken the day that you were being cremated in Scotland, we were not to be there, we were told that you didnt love us and it would be best not to attend....... siblings aye dad, they must of inherited the nasty side of you......... so this picture was taken just an hour after we sat in a tiny chapel in Cornwall, a tiny chapel clinging to the side of the cliffs, which now is quite apt, cos I had clung to the hope that you would love me all my life....... so we said our sad goodbyes to you there that day, at the same time that everyone else sat in a church in Scotland to say their goodbyes....... but ya see, it dont matter where those goodbyes were said, its how they were said and with how much love and feeling they were said, no matter how far away......... so we each, dad, Ben, Tom Sam and Jacob and me lit a candle for you and sat in this little chapel on our own and talked about you and the funny things you did with my boys..........and the love that we all had for you...... did you hear us dad...... could you hear our voices on the wind.....

I'll never tell them dad of the man you were towards me....... I will not break their hearts again like the day you broke their hearts by walking away from their lives....... they are great lads for knowing you as the fun grandad that had loved them if only for a short time......

So this picture was taken just an hour after we said our goodbyes....... dont they look sad......... and no, it was not cos I clippered there long hair to crewcuts lol.......

Just know dad that those 4 children, have grown to be the most wonderful sons, yeah, they have hiccups in life, and its not always easy.....life has given us so many challenges to face in life.......and we find ourselves alone again, just the 5 of us...... but ya know what I learnt from you dad......by being the opposite of you....... I learnt that it was better to face ones fears and work things out, instead of taking it out on others....... face the music they say..... and thats what we do..... we face it everyday dad, every single day, but ya know what, we face it together, hand in hand, as one..... we will NEVER let go of the love that we have towards each other......



Look at em, aint they just wonderful, its been a long hard road dad, and Im almost there, at the end........ and Ive done it through love and understanding, not beatings and vile words......

Dad, you would of loved these fine young men that my boys have become, and I know that they would of loved you.....think how more enriched they would of been in life if you had stayed a part of it.....think of the fun you would of had as you grew old and sick, think of the smiles and laughter my sons would have given you, think of all the love that you missed out on....... if only you had held out your hand, you know we would of taken it....... no matter what....

I would like to think deep down that you knew now much I loved you, even through all the horrendous things you did to me in life....... thank god, if there is one, that I had the strength not to crumble, not to fall and stay down, but to be proud of who I was and who I was to become....... ya see, no one will ever take my heart, my soul or my humour...... ever..... you couldnt....... you tried....... I was to strong for you......



All I have of you dad is that pair of glasses you are wearing lol...... oh and a few old photos...... and memories good and oh so bad..... but I hold on to the fact that life maybe dealt you a bad hand, and you didnt know or have the strength to deal with it in any other way then you did......

I miss you Dad, and through everything, I hold you close in my heart...... I wish you were here....... I miss and I love you Dad with all I have......

And when I look out to sea (all I know is that where my siblings scattered your ashes) I think of you Dad and what you so missed out of in life, and Im so sad for you, for the man that you couldnt be, for the love that you felt you didnt need.....

I know you cant read this dad..... I know you aint here..... but I can read it....and Im still here....

I LOVE YOU DAD - sleep sweet......HAPPY FATHERS DAY xx

ok..... way to much tear shedding twaddle for one day.....

Mrs Fix It Thats Me - Gag Gag Gag Gagging......

Ok.........I apologise in advance, and if you have a weak tummy DONT read.....you have been warned....

So I didnt go out this morning, except to do the school runs, I had me bookwork to sort.... so no amount of nagging from me maties would make me change me mind........ soooooo IT MUST OF BEEN FATE........ cos....

My Ben and Tom are on holiday in Spain, Jacob was at school and Sam was getting ready for college......he, Sam, was poncing around in the bathroom doing his hair, when I hear....... MUM, MUM, when I flush the loo it just fills up to the top with water, and now it wont go away........ so I shouts back up....... oh jebus, DONT flush it again, cos it will overflow......

So, I flushes the downstairs loo, and it fills up and doesnt go away......... PANIC..... oh jebus oh jebus....... me shouting..... Sam you had better get down here NOW...... but Im doing me hair.......... Sod ya hair, get down here NOW.........

By now panic had started to enter my brain, both loos full of water that means one thing........ the drain in the garden must be blocked...... oh no, oh no...... what to do, what to do...... so I rings me matie Sharon cos her hubby is a fireman, and they can sort out anything right?........ well he was not in, so me matie tells me to lift the drain cover and have a look inside and tell her whats what ........ so now to work out how to open the drain cover, first of all move ALL the huge pots of plants off the top that would help lol........ so with a little garden trowel and a screwdriver that I found under the sink (as you can tell we dont really have TOOLS), I managed to lift the cover........ HOLY SH*T.......... that is what presented itself to me LOL............. the drain was full up with *cough* not nice water lol and I could tell those floaters were NOT mine cos they was huge......... by now Im gagging, and I run back to the phone to report the find to Sharon me matie, who once told was laffing and laffing with the poo jokes......... well Mel they say Sh*t sticks and it looks like its your turn lol.......




Ok, Ok, Mel think, this is how my brain is ticking........ to ring Dyno-Rod the blocked drain people costs about $200 just to call them out..... no way...... I know, old Mr Foote that lives opposite he is old and has every tool one can imagine, I'll go ask him if he has a plunger thingie lol what I was gonna do with a plunger thingie I had no idea LOL

This is what old Mr Foote gave me........



Only old Mr Footes came in a faded shade of red...... he handed me them as I blank stared at him..... you just join them and shove it down the drainhole and wiggle around and it should unblock whatever it is blocking the drain..........you mean 'I' have to do this myself?........ so off I toddle back across the road, poles, or rods as Mr Foote called them in me arms, hoping that whoever had used them before had at least bleached them......

Ok, I can do this, so I pick the phone back up, cos me matie was on hold lol...... and she is by now laffing so much....... so I put the phone down, maties aye, where are they when ya up to ya neck in poo? LOL my last words to her were, wish me luck, Im going in....... lol

I can do this, right? Im a woman on me own, cos Sam was laffing and buggered off to college...... so I lock me back gate so the postman dont come wandering in with me mail while Im up to me eyes in poo, cos that would be well embarrassing lol.......

I got the screwie looking end and screwed it to a plain pole...... and with me rubber gloves on and a scarf tied around me face and me wellies on I proceed to poke and prod until the screwie bit disappear down a hole........ now did Mr Foote mean for me to wiggle or to wiggle the rods lol.......... oh well, to hell with it, I was gagging and wiggling for about 5 minutes when.......... hey presto.......... gurgle gurgle bubble bubble whooooooooshhhhhh, all water and floaties disappeared, now the trick was to try and get the rods out cos it seemed slightly stuck lol



This is what the drain looked like after I unblocked it lol gagging.......

Oh Lordy, why me....... I think I know why......... I think it was cos yesterday I made a joke to a matie on a blob about 'her plumbing' and someone sorting it out....... but I didnt mean 'plumbing' as plumbing but as in internal plumbing lol....... ok you wont understand that....... but today was a sign not to joke about things like that.......

Eventually I pulled and pulled and the rods came out with babywipes clogged on the end........ there was the culprits.......... bloody babywipes....... I keep telling me lads NOT to use babywipes down the loo...... phew....... sussed and sorted.......

So after 3 bottles of bleach down the drains and all inside loos flushed about 20 times, I THINK I have it done....... see, no need to call Dyno-rod.......

I scrubbed and scrubbed me hands even though they didnt come into contact with any floaters.......

Then I rang me matie Sharon back........ this is the conversation......

Me - Hey Sharon its me....

Sharon - Hello pooie... giggles, did you sort it?

Me - Well, I need some help.....

Sharon - I cant come round, I dont do poo...... and I aint got the car today.. so, why cant you sort it?

Me - Well, I shoved the stick things down the drain and it gurgled and all of a sudden all this dirty pooie water bubbles up over the top of the drain and is flowing under me neighbours gate.......

Sharon - OMG you are in deep sh*t now ...... giggles, high pitched laffs......

Me - Sharon this is NOT FUNNY..... they have our poo flowing under there back gate.....

Sharon - Just turn the hose on and it will dilute it LMFAO........

Oh she thought it very very funny......

Me - So, you cant come round and help........

Sharon - nope....... laffs giggles laffs....... I dont do floaters.....

Me - Well, you wait, just you wait until you are up to your eyes in poo...... dont ring me as a saviour lol

Sharon - you sussed and sorted it Mel didnt you......I always thought you would make a great sh*t shoveller...

Me - Yes, but Im gagging........

Sharon - You bitch, I was racking me brains trying to think who to ring to come round and help...... I thought about Gordon, but after the Eric problem I thought it best not to lol

Me - Sod off....... puts phone down.....

So, I replace the drain cover and scrub off the rods and scrub and scrub me hands..... I come back in the house to where I had left Sprite..... safe with stair gate etc so she couldnt escape, only to find her COVERED in....... something brown and stickie........... holy sh*t...... I had visions of her taking her dirty nappy off and thats what the stickie stuff was......... ya see...... I have such a cold that I have not only lost the hearing in one ear but I have lost me sense of smell....... so I had no clue as to what THIS STUFF was....... phew though....... she had only found one of the chocolate biscuits that one of the minded kids from yesterday must of dropped in one of the toy boxes lol........

So, alls well that ends well.......... if anyone needs there pipes flushed through lol just ring me........ if ya have a blockage, dont bend over, just ring me....... problems with poo overflowing from ya drains into ya neighbours..... DONT RING ME......

Why cant I just have one day, just ONE DAY where things dont go wrong..... where there is peace and calm in me life........ aye aye? gawds sake........ Im dreading the school run, cos the poo jokes will be bouncing lol......bloody maties......

To much dirty Twaddle for a Thursday....

PS..... what I forgot to mention was, after I put the phone down the first time, I pressed 1471 which automatically puts ya through to the last number that rang, so when it clicks on this is what I say.......... YOUR RIGHT, KNEE DEEP IN POO, FLOATERS EVERYWHERE......... when this little voice says........ I beg your pardon......... CRIPES... It had only rang the last number to ring my house, which was Sams friend, and it was his mum that got my message about the poo LMFAO........ shaking me head...... I really should wait for someone to answer before I blab me big mouth off lol - I just put the phone down....... maybe they wont know its me lol

x

PPS...... NO POO REALLY WENT UNDER THE GATE INTO MY NEIGHBOURS, IT WAS JUST SAID TO MY FRIEND TO MAKE HER FEEL GUILTY FOR LAFFING AT ME AND NOT RUSHING AROUND TO HELP ...... :) no poo or gates or gardens were injured in this story...... x

In Honour Of My Jacob's 14th Birthday........

Ok........... I wanted to post this on Sunday but was unable to, what with birthday celibrations and stuff..... so today, its better late then never........

Ya see, on the 10 June 1993 the most precious child came into my life, not that my other 3 sons are not precious, but this child, this Jacob Ethan Harry W~~~~~s, had a glow about him from the minute he was born...... and it has stayed with him all these years, I know you will not understand what Im waffling about, but I do, and everyone that meets Jacob says the same.....

10 June 1993, in the very early hours of the morning, I knew our child was on his way, a fortnight late, I knew he was waiting those extra hours, so that he was NOT born on his fathers birthday which is 9 June..... Jacob even back then must of had a vibe LOL - so I dropped our other 3 sons off at maties houses and my now X drove to the hospital and dropped me off with words of.... 'I have to get to work, call me if you need me'....... just about says it all right lol

Well he just about made it back in time to see Jacob born..... he weighed 10 lb exactly and he was 2 foot long when he was born...... he was the biggest of all my 4 sons..... yet as he grew he became the smallest lol..... he was always tiny compared to his friends and he was nicknamed 'MIM' by his brothers..... meaning 'minimum' the smallest lol

I bought him home when he was about 6 hours old....... my X picked us up, picked our other 3 sons up from me maties and dropped us all off home, and went back to work..... he worked for his father and it was their busy season LMFAO....... I could say so much but I wont....... but I knew then that things would never be the same again...... me and my 4 sons stood on the front door step and watched him just drive back to work, not even a cuppa tea was made LOL........ such was life.....

He looked so much like Jasper Carrot when he was a few months old, and he was a fairly funny looking baby..... but he grew into the most gorgeous looking lad...



Here he is LOL aint he funny looking and the spitting image of Jasper Carrot LOL

We was such a good baby and toddler..... amazingly so....

He had the same shirley temple curls like me and my Sam had, until he was 3 and they were cut and never returned......

<

This is an old photo of all 4 of me lads when Ben(left) and Tom(right) were in the Naval Cadets FieldGun Crew.... Sam(in the hat) had not long been out of hospital after 8 weeks in traction for smashed legs.... and the navy made Sam and Jacob mascots of the HMS Dryad Crew...... Sam actually got to ride out at the shows and at Earls Court in London on the back of the gun lol....... you can see Jacobs curls in this picture....... see his cute uniform LMFAO...




Jacob loved the sea from very tiny...

He was one of the younger ones to start proper school, he was barely 4 when I dressed him in his school uniform and packed him off to school...... some of the kids in his class were 11 months older...... and he did struggle a little with his work.....

This Child, has the most amazing gift in life......... he has the gift of compassion to others and empathy and has the most amazing thoughts about injustice and when there have been disagreements he has been the one that has thought rationally and has come up with other ideas how to solve problems, be it his maties falling out or little things at home......

When his father left, I would wake in the night and find him snuggled up in my bed...... I would find little notes left in the fridge and in cupboards..... little notes that just read ' I LOVE you ' .....which I have kept to this day...

He is such a joy to be around, everyone says the same....... there is something about him that brings calm and peace and when I look at this child my heart overflows and it can often bring me to tears, just with the pure pure love that I have for this child.......

He loves animals with a passion and can calm down even the wildest dog, animals will come to him and sit on his lap and they just 'know' that he wont hurt them..... on saying that he also loves feeding live creatures to his scorpion lol......

He loves to climb, and has since he was a tot........ and if you ask him what he wants to do when he has left school, he will say...... I want to go to Sparshot College and train to be a 'tree surgeon'...... I dont wanna work inside a building, I wanna work outside, doing things with my hands, I would love to work for the Forestry Commission...... or, he says, he would love a job with animals......

He has soooooo many friends, both girls and boys and is very well loved by everyone........ he has this gift.........

He is a protector of hearts and souls.....and he is VERY protective towards me... he will fight tooth and nail to help anyone that needs a hand, or a kind word....... he will talk things through if there is a problem....... he is not a fighter he is a talker and can, amongst his friends always defuse arguements with his thought provoking words...... he is a problem solver....... he listens to what people say and he spins it around in his head, and he comes up with suggestions........ from a young age he has thrown out suggestions to friends in disagreements........ suggestions meaning, he doesnt tell them how to solve their problems, but he gives them pointers to solve them themselves........ and for a child to do that ....... I think....... is a gift......



Jacob at 4 years old....



Jacob at 12 years old....

He likes sports and music, but nothing has ever grabbed him like his brothers, they are all musical etc........ he tried cricket and did well, but he knew it was not his passion, as he did football, rugby and Tchoukball..... he wasnt interested in playing any musical instrument...... and then just over a year ago HE FOUND HIS PASSION......... he joined a trampoline club at Havant Leisure centre, mainly cos, we have had a big oblong trampoline in the garden for over 18 years..... and I caught him jumping off the top of the shed onto the trampoline and doing a somersault over the neighbours fence LOL so I thought I would channel that into a club...... he had only been there a few months when I was called in, and told that Jacob is doing moves and turns that he shouldnt even have in his head and they would like to send him to be accessed by trained coaches....... we went last august to Southampton where they have an olympic training squad for up and coming nippers........ and he was taken under their wing........ so since August last year we have been doing this 5 hours round trip to this other club every monday evening after all the minded kids have gone..... they have talked about 2012 olympics and he has outshone all expectations.......... EXCEPT........ he told me a few weeks ago that he really doesnt wish to go into all the competitions for the next few years..... he just wants to do his trampolining as fun, and he said he doesnt enjoy the competitions........ so this term we are having a break from the squad and he is just going to the club at Havant where it all started, they have told me that he has inspired so many others, that they hope he never stops going there........ as far as the squad goes, well, the choice is his........ I would never force him to do something he didnt want to......... he knows what he wants out of life..... so hopes of him being in the olympics are on hold......... his choice........ no matter what he chooses to do with his trampolining, I will go with him on his choice.......



This is Jacob prepping for a somersault...

Everynight as this child, young man, goes to bed, he says....... nite mum..... and when he gets to the second flight of stairs up to his little bedroom in the attic, he will shout down....... I love you mum..... and every night as I reply, I have tears in my eyes...... I dont ever want that to end.... ever..... but I know that oneday it will.....

Jacob is amazing with my minded kids...... they have always been apart of his life since he was born lol...... me minded kids were back the day after he was born lol......

He loves camping and scouts and bonfires.......





He loves rack of ribs and when we have been out for dinner that is what he always chooses lol



This is him a couple of years ago with his ribs at this 'american themed' eating place called The Smith And Western' in Chichester....

Over this last year he has grown over a foot in height, he now towers over all the friends thats a couple of years ago he was just a midget......

So Sunday was his birthday....... he had the bike that I posted about all those months back....... and he loved it......

http://marmitetoasty.blogspot.com/2007/03/sometimes-i-worry-about-my-sanity.html



when I asked him what he would like to do to celibrate his birthday this year (last year we went paintballing), he said he would like to go ice skating and then have his maties back for a BBQ...... so that is what we did.........



I know this is a little dark, its Jacob in the middle with just a handful of his maties that we took ice-skating, see how tall he is now compared to everyone else LOL.....

This child has grown from a beautiful caring lad to the most amazing loving, wonderful young man of 14....... he only has me and his brothers as family........ god knows what he would have been like with a father in his life, or a father figure...... I know he would of LOVED to of had a 'dad figure' around, there is only so much I can do........ I aint a dad, I aint even a substitute for a dad.......

On Sunday when I watched my son with his friends, and watched him laff and joke around and watched how he was with people, I so wanted someone to be standing next to me, to be holding my hand, to understand and watch him with the same eyes, with the same proud heart, with the soul that I have...... I so wanted someone to share this precious boy....... I so wanted someone else to love him the way I do...... and feel inside how proud I am of whom Jacob has and is becoming..........

He never asks for things....... but he asked if I would make him the gooey sickly double chocolate cake with strawberries and melted chocolate with sweets sprinkled on top, as his birthday cake lol....... its healthy right lol well it does have strawberries on it....



Here is the cake LOL.....

And, he was holding a girls hand whilst ice skating........ he can bloody well stop that lol....... ;)



As he blew out the candles, and he made his wishes, I made my own wishes and my dreams for this boy....... I hope they come true....

Jacob, I love you, and honour your bithday and the day your were given to me,with all I have....I honour the wonderful person you are and the wonderful man you will become, I just wish I could give you the world, instead I just have me to give......

I just hope it has been enough, I just hope it has........

There is so much I want to say, but I will keep it in my heart..... for now....

ok way to much Twaddle, cos no one will fully understand this post........ but I do, and thats all that matters......

x