Mission Accomplished - And - Should I Be Worried...

Ok........ first off, sorry I aint been around ya blobs and Twaddle of late.... trying to deal with Tosser X who will just not roll over and DIE... hospitals, a fall that has torn something in me good knee, hospital hoping I aint tore me acl that I had replaced a few years ago with me hamstring, will know more on Friday, interviewing parents AND getting the job for Febuary with 2 little boys - (The parents THEY LIKED ME)for more childcare arrangements and now an Engagement Party to organise for the 28th of this month for my Tom.... so even though Im finding it difficult to get about with 2 dodgy knees I HAVE TO STILL WORK lol... no peace for the wicked, all I can say is that I must of been a well bad kid and this is me punishment LOL

Anyways, enuff of all that bollocks......

Halloween came to this house in one mad rush, we dont do weeks before like doodles do, we just do HALLOWEEN NIGHT.... I let the nippers carve some pumpkins and we decorated the lounge, dragged the coffin out that lives under me bed with George in it and all the bits of bobs..... the minded nippers think that the coffin which looks like a real coffin that we made a few years back and is lined with black and red silk and the skeleton bones of George, well, they think its the bones of a minded nipper that didnt eat its lunch lmfao..... aint I mean.... it puts the fear of god into them.... that will learn em... fear is good right? and they all love me right? lol



This is George....

Anyways..... all me lads were going to various parties so I knew I would be mostly here on me own, I was invited to a party at Sharons but cos I cant get around to good, I thought I would give it a miss....

But, jebus the noise level in this house was just so loud and funny....... my Tom said he had a party to go to but had no idea what to go as, it was a spur of the moment party decision lol..... I told him to let me think for 5 minutes and I will come up with something lol......

BINGO...... I rummaged around in the shed and found a tin of green emulsion paint, its water based right? so that means its not like a shiny gloss, it would wash off right? eventually......

Well, we thought about it and decided to use it LMFAO cos we couldnt think of anything else.... THE HULK here we come..... so I painted, yes painted my Tom's face, arms neck, hands and body with green paint from the shed LMFAO..... we ripped an old Tshirt up and he shoved that on, we found some black spray stuff (I think it was car spray) and we sprayed his hair black lmfao..... all the time his 6 or 7 mates were just putting on boring masks and telling Tom he AND I were crazy lol...... oh my goodness, I laffed and laffed and laffed......

The finished product was actually great lmfao..... giggling as I type.... paint from the shed cost nuffin, as did the black car spray but the laffs were priceless....



Yep every bit covered, even inside his ears lmfao.......



Yep that will do lmfao...... the funny thing was, Tom has to work on Saturdays until 2ish, and he didnt get home til 3am in the morning and had to be at work by 8am... I didnt get up on Saturday cos I have a bit of a lay-in at the weekends or I visit Saint Matress Of The Springs as Soul Pumkin would say lol..... but when I did crawl out of bed and tiptoed to the bathroom, me victorian sink and bath was no longer white but GREEN lol...... I waited with baited breath for him to come home after work, and sure enough he still had green ears and his whole face was green tinged LOL he had to scrub and scrub for over an hour in the bath to get the rest off LMFAO to dam funny....

The other funny thing is that my daft Sam and his matie Rob (yes there were about 15 lads and lasses here trying to get sorted, well my Sam and Rob decided to use the rest of the black spray and spray each others faces so that they looked liked gollies LOL..... they ran out before I had a chance to take photos.... it took a good 3 days to get the paint off their faces cos it was car spray paint lmfao......

Early evening whilst we was painting and stuff, the music noise level in this house was making the walls rock lol.... but I had NOT forgotten me mission of the evening....... ya see, I do get loads of treat or treaters, many of me minded nippers knock on me door, but they also know, as do most of the parents that come with their kids, that I DONT DO NICE on halloween, I say if they take their kids out trick or treating then TOUGH... they had better be prepared to be scared if they knock on my door LOL...... yet year after year they come back.....

Before my Jacob went to his party he positioned himself out on a chair next to the front door with a mask and sat or slumped real still.... waiting and waiting and I was inside behind the door READY lol..... we could hear the kids from across the road that were having a party, we heard them say to their parents, oh lets do Mel's place first please please and then again last LMFAO.......



He sat real still and as the kids approached we could hear them say (these kids were all about 5-7 year olds) I wonder if Mel is in, oh and look at that scarecrow its real scary, and I heard the dad say, it is, but its not real children, just knock on the door...... well as the kids came up to the door Jacob moved and howled LMFAO..... the kids screamed and one flew back so fast he smacked into me car that was parked out the front lmfao.... screams and tears and everything lmfao..... the parents laffed and laffed...... Jacob then took his mask off and the kids calmed down.... well, until they then knocked on me door. Ya see I have this hidious mask and I crouch real low behind the door and then I fling the door open and shout WHAT DO YOU WANT GET OUT OF HERE and I grab for their treat bags lmfao..... oh my oh......



This is me lol...... aint I pretty lmfao....

One group of older kids (6-8 year olds) Jacob wasnt sitting out the front (it was bloody cold that night) so he crept around the side alley and came up behind them quietly as they knocked on me door..... so as they screamed and turned to run he was there, it was just so funny, even a dad ran lmfao.... we did manage to grab one cheeky 8 year old and opened the lid of next doors dustbin that was out the front and put the kid in it, jebus he could scream and kick and shout lmfao.......

They KNOW if they come to Mels house then be prepared to be scared.....

Jacob even managed to scary the poo out of a passing dog walker who has stopped to look at our window display and to peer at him, thinking he was a scarcow, and as she peered real close he screamed as did she as she leapt back about 6 feet lmfao the dog started whimpering lmfao and then she started laffing and later in the evening she bought her kids back to be frightened lol

This Halloween night we made 3 kids wet their pants..... and one little 6 year old batman poo'd his costume lmfao...we shoved 1 in next doors dustbin and scared the life out of about 20 others lol.... the following day as I was hobbling back from school a woman ran up to me laffing and said, YOU made our night last night, I reconised the woman from when I use to own me pre-school, I said, I didnt see you last night, she said, Im the mum of the batman LMFAO....... she actually fanked me for making it one of the best treat or trick rounds LMFAO...... I just told her I WAS NOT responsible for the washing of soiled batman outfit LMFAO.....

There...... mission accomplished 3 wet pants and 1 soiled batman.... DONE AND DUSTED til next year :) - next year Im nicking an idea I read on a blob.... instead of little bags of sweets to give out, Im going to cook sprouts and dip them in chocolate lmfao..... now that will be funny lol as they pop, what they will think is a giant chocolate into their little greedy gobs lmfao..

The following night my Tom once again said, oh shit mum, think of something, I have another party in Town..... I told him I was all out of ideas, so he said not to worry, he and his girlfriend would think of something and they both disappeared LOL.... they came back an hour later on the way to the party..... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Now you have to know that my Tom is 6'4 and is gorgeous......he could easily make a male model if he so wanted instead of working in the motor industry lol.... his girlfriend Sammie is only 5'2 and tiny and petite and lovely...... well I laffed so hard when he walked in to show me his outfit that I almost had to rush out and buy some absordant pads...... I just couldnt stop laffing.....

If I had suggested to him a week earlier the outfit he turned up in he would of laffed and said NO WAY NO HOW cos my Tom is a right proper macho man....... this is what my gorgeous big strapping lad went out in a taxi on the Saturday evening to a halloween party wearing......



Yep..... aint he gorgeous lmfao...... the funny thing is my Tom has 2 half sleeve tatoos and a HUGE dragon tat on his back..... and his initials on his chest (thats incase he ever forgets who he is)....

He had only squeezed into one of Sammies maties dresses lmfao..... and she had done his hair and make up lmfao.... complete with fishnet stockings and suspenders and panties lmfao hahahahah and a handbag slung over his shoulder....he looked like a transvesite lmfao.....



This is him crouching down head level with Sammie LOL..... dig the beauty spot.... he had more make up on his face in that photo then what Ive ever had on me face in a lifetime lmfao.....



Should I be worried? he said it was right comfortable lmfao hahahahaahahahaha Tom wears size 13 shoes and sammie wears tiny size 4s so he put on his big boots just to get to the party lmfao..... to dam bloody funny......



I suppose if work in the motor industry hits a slump, Tom could always earn a little extra on a Saturday night down the old Guildhall Steps behind the Lion Statues, turning tricks lmfao (local knowledge thats where all the hookers hang out) lol



No one reconized Tom dressed as the Hulk when he walked into a club on the Friday, and no one reconized him at first when he walked into the house party on Saturday lmfao....... maybe his life should go down the private detective road cos he sure is a master of disguise LMFAO....

Through all the ups and downs and the highs and lows in this house, one thing ITS NOT BORING LIVING HERE lol

Ok, bored ya to Twaddke tears here on this crisp DRY Wednesday morning.......

x

I Dont Do Pink........

Ok........ I DONT do pink...... I mean pink clothes, to be honest Im not that much of a girlie girl.... anyways..... I did own a pink T-shirt once but it was a childminding shirt with our logo on and some dork ordered it for me not knowing that I DONT DO PINK.... Im sure that was/is the only item of clothing I have that is pink...... I do have a couple of pairs of socks with pink mingled in them amongst the other colours....

I also have a pair of retro kitchen scales in shocking pink which I LOVE so very much, and of which I would run back into a burning building to save in the event of a fire....but thats different....oh and I do have a little pink stuffed cat wedged on me dashboard near me windscreen in me car....

But do LOVE pink plants though... I have many pretty pink delicate flowers in me garden..... which is strange cos I DONT do pink lol.... maybe its my inner 'I wanna do pink but I cant' trying to come out in me plants lol







Besides these few pink plants I have pink mallows, and a huge pink Hebe and a pink Bleeding heart and various others.....

ToriZ proably good you cant see these photos cos they are out of focus and crap LOL
But I DONT do pink...

Then pray tell me why do I LOVE my pink Etnies with a PASSION lol (wondering how many of ya actually know what Etnies are lmfao)....



At Hayling Island..



At Thorpe Park..



Bognor Regis..



At the Ferryboat Inn on the eastern tip of Hayling Island looking across to Portsmouth.. ya can just see the ear of me pink cat which is next to me redneck horn that says rude redneck road abuse words that me matie David sent me a couple of years ago from California cos I told him I often swore at other drivers whilst driving lol so now I just hit the button and laff instead of swearing.... I can swear like a fishwife when I have to lol...



Langstone Harbour Foreshore..

My orange and red flowered doc martens (ya know, the ones I will be buried in) are getting quite jealous of me Etnies... cos they have been me hobbling shoe of late....

And when I wore them to me physio appointment on Friday, first Anita said WTF you dont do pink lmfao....... and when Nick came in to torture me double he said.... Mel, well well well do you now do pink?..... I think my NON PINK REPUTATION is spreading lol......I had to tell them both to SHUT UP lol......

Ya see.......... I DONT do pink........ not even on a dark wet cold Saturday November night....

Twaddle over.....

x

Speculate to Accumulate - Flogging Sand To The Arabs..

Ok.......... I aint much good at most things in life, I dont have any talents.... though, I do remember all the words to that famous British tune 'Land Of Hope And Glory' when Ive had a bottle of red wine, I dont know the words when sober LOL... may I just add here, that it has been many many years since I got rat-arsed, let alone tipsy even.....

So Im not much good at anything, I can still hear the words 'YOU GOOD FOR F'IN NUFFIN' shouted at me by my father as he boxed me ears for some misdemeaner I might have done as a child....and 'YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO MUCH' LOL...

Ive failed at most things in life..... being a daughter, a wife, even a friend sometimes and often Ive failed at being a mother...

But one thing I KNOW Im good at, something I have a canny knack for and that is surviving.... and making money...... not pots of money, but enough....most things in life I look at way different from me maties.... I always wear, just under the skin, me 'business head' me 'there's gold in them there hills head'......it drives me maties mad.... but they are not, and never have been put in positions of survival, they have always had a hand to hold and family around them and a net under them to catch them if and when they fall.......... me, Ive never had that..... not even when I was married to the tosser LOL.... its hard always being everyone elses net, especially when one aint to keen on fishing lol.....

Anyways..... me, I could sell sand to the Arabs.... me maties always roll their eyes when I mention some of the ways I make that little extra bit of dosh.... but then, they wouldnt understand what drives me, no one does really..... I stand alone, not many really know ME, and they most certainly do not know about my life in years gone by or how I tick.... somethings are not for sharing until that someone special stumbles into my life....

So...... Selling sand to the arabs.....ya see, I use to own a pre-school, I sold it about 3 years ago, and I do actually now regret that decision, but tough tittie on me on that one...... but ya see, I still get the pre-school catalogues with equipment and stuff one needs to run a successful pre-school......

Three weeks or so ago a SALES CATALOGUE dropped through me door from one of the many school catalogues that I get throughout the year.... only this sales catalogue was a tad different, this one promised up to 75% off.... and I know all the stuff in the catalogues are top quality cos they are made for schools etc and are very tough and hardwearing.......



This is the now well thumbed catalogue..

In my job, unlike in doodleland land, we have very very high standards and rules and Inspections and policies we HAVE to abide by, and one of those inspection rules is that we HAVE to have multicultral toys and equipment, depicting black people and chinese people and as many different cultures as we can incorporate into the teaching equipment of the kids in our care...we have to have black dolls and puzzles and also items showing different occupations etc .. also toys etc showing people of varying disabilities..... and so the list goes on.. oh did I forget to mention we HAVE to have books and puzzles and items to do with different religons so that the kids in my care know about all walks of life and countries and the people that live in them.... see, I told ya our rules are not like in doodleland lol.... if we dont have these things readily at hand then we dont pass our inspection....

On my last inspection when they asked about what multicultral things I had for the children I replied that I have a black friend called black Michelle that the children often see and I sometimes buy a chinky take-away on a Saturday night and I also had a draggy leg which the kids often commented upon ....... it did NOT go down to well, if fact they told me off bigtime lol, but at least I was being honest lol and certainly being myself ... I was told I needed to get some items that showed these things.... like culture and crimpleness....

So the arrival of this sales catalogue got my 'business head' turning over :)....... I had an idea and what a great idea it was lmfao....... ya see, not many people have access to these catalogues and certainly not the bog standard childminders LOL..... this was my chance....

I flicked though the catalogue with my childminder head on thinking of all the new rules that came into affect at the beginning of September, and what I KNOW many childminders would be lacking......



And this is what was making my brain go kerrr-ching lol

There was stuff that I needed for home here, and I have loads of equipment, so if even I needed it then I know for sure that other childminders would need it, and they dont have the easy route to get it like me, but now they would LOL........

So, this is what I did........ I ordered over 300 quids ($600) of items from the catalogue...remembering I was getting this 75% off so 300 quids worth was actually more like over 1000 quids ($2000) worth of stuff..... knowing I was onto a winner........ yep 300 quids worth of sales stuff lol.... I actually couldnt lose... no way no how.... it was impossible to actually lose LOL....

This is how it works..... I ordered 300 quids worth of items, from puzzles to multicultral dressing up clothes (chinky boy, african child, japenese girl), many many boxes of different play foods, chinky, japenese, italian, french playsets, little black play figures and little figures with disabilities, there was a blind figure, leg brace figure, woman with crutches and top it off an asian figure in a wheelchair which was great for two of the set categories - multicultral AND a crimple.... :) oh and some special cusions for home here.... I ordered what I needed for my own use plus tons to flog on Ebay.... I did let me matie Sharon have a butchers and order what she needed for herself as long as she only order her needs and no more.... this was MY idea and she agreed cos she was mega chufted to be able to stock up on all she needed with 75% discount...



Japenese play food set...



Froggie.. opps.... French play food set...

I knew by buying it with up to 75% off, I would at least make double if not triple what I paid.....

Three days after ordering a HUGE UPS van arrived out the front, I didnt even know we have them over here lol, and delivered the first two of 4 boxes of goodies......



This is Sprite sitting on the first of the boxes lol....

I so couldnt go wrong, ya see, ya have 30 days from receiving ya invoice before ya even have to pay, that means I would have 30 days to sell as much as I could on ebay before my bill would have to be settled....



This is the contents from the first box lol.... my sofa is 3 foot deep so you can see how many little boxes there are :)

I had ordered at least 4 of each thing I thought would sell.... and one by one I started to load them onto me ebay account.... over the past 3 weeks Ive sold 33 items and received 315 quid ($630) in money, which has now paid for all goods I had orginally ordered, so the other 43 or so items I have left is now pure profit...... some of the items sold for 4 times what I paid lol and some for at least double.... ya just type CHILDMINDER in the title and they swarm around like flies on poo :).... but get this..... the first week a couple of the items like the puzzles didnt sell as well as I wanted, dont get me wrong I STILL made money from them...... but not as much as I forsaw...... the best selling was the chinese play food sets etc....and the little crimple figures went for ridiculas amounts of money.... I paid 4 quid for the set of 4, I advertised them seperately and quadrupled me money on those alone lol good job I had/have 4 sets to flog :)........



This is one of the little figures.... that we HAVE to have within our childminding setting...

When I advertise things like this Im not so crazy with the description lol I CAN be professional as and when I so choose lol

But get this lmfao....... after a couple of weeks, I rang the catalogue up and asked if I could return some items that I realised I didnt really need......... sure they said, just box up what ya dont need/want and a bloke will come tomorrow and pick it up and we will reinvoice ya :) BINGO...... so Ive already paid off the whole invoice and still will make at least 400-600 quid ($800-1600) on the things I have still to sell.... I have 37 items still active on there this week alone and still more to put on during the coming week:)........ see I can sell sand to the arabs lol - whilst on the phone I also mentioned that the little chinese and japenese playfood sets where slightly different then in the photo in the catalogue and that even though I liked what I received I thought there would be slightly more bits..... to which she said..... let me check in the catalogue, I could hear her flicking through it and she then said, your right it is slightly different and thats not good ( I WAS MORE THEN HAPPY THOUGH) so she said, I will send you 2 more chinese sets and 2 more japenses sets to make up for the inconvenience LMFAO....... oh cripes so I have 4 more sets coming which will sell at least for 80 quid ($160)...... bring it on lmfao..... shaking me head....



These nuts and bolts look innocent enough but they are so very very educational to the younger kids... 4 different colours, 4 different shapes, 4 different sizes and only the right shape fits the right size which fits the right colour... and eye hand co-ordination to boot :)

Also, the woman opposite me whose 2 kids I just walk to school for her and for that she pays me 40 quid a week ($80) gave me a big bag of clothes and asked if they would be of any use to Sprite, as she is younger then her girl...... I tried all I could on Sprite and gave her mum all those items that fitted her, the rest of the stuff I shoved on ebay lmfao it was/is all proper makes like gap and marks and spencers and next.... they cost me nuffin, and already it looks like I will make loads on them lmfao....



Mama mia... Italian playset lmfao

I love selling on ebay and Im quite an old hand at it now with over 520 buy and sell transactions with 100% top feedback.... ya see, Im very fair with the postage and always only sell top stuff.... I could so easily make a living from ebay alone lol..... me and Colin, who is one of the nippers dads that I childmind for, have often talked at pooling our resources and just making a living from ebay lol.... we both get a buzz from it and he like me can sell ice to the eskimos.....



These threading beads shaped like fruit are just lovely, and wooden, I dont have no crap educational equipment in my house so I wouldnt sell anything crap either....

A few years back I sold a handful of little play figures that were just spare in the toybox.... they went for about 4 or 5 quid I think, and when I send the invoice to the person that bought them, I got quite a shock....... quite a shock indeed, you see, when I sell things from home, be it little toys or items surplus to need from me cupboard I ALWAYS put a witty description, I cant help it, its just me....

So when I was selling these little fairytale castle figures; king queen princess knight dragon wizard, I wrote a little story about the characters lol about how the princess wanted to marry the stableboy but the queen wouldnt allow it so she was running off to get married else where etc etc.... just stupid stuff.... well it must of caught the eye of someone very special cos the buyer not only bought the figures bur emailed me asking if I would write scripts for an animation company that he was executive animator producer on..... it was only the same company that did 'Flushed Away' and 'Wallace and Grommit'...his name is on the DVDs as one of the animators so I know it was really him..... and he sent me some wonderful photos of all the behind the screen going ons (which are all on me old computer and which I will have to get off and show ya) and loads of information, and he asked me to write little stories about different characters that he could incorporate into short animation stories........ IT COULD OF BEEN ME BIG CHANCE lol...... but I never thought I could do it..... ya see.....my father always said I was a 'GOOD FOR F'IN NUFFIN and I'D NEVER AMOUNT TO MUCH'..... so maybe he was right after all :)

When I sold some Denby plates a few months back that I no longer used but were part of a wedding gift back in 1981 lol and a very expensive gift I will add.... I knew there would be others out there with the same set with parts missing.... each plate went for about 15 quid ($30) each..... but I must of got at least 20 or more emails from people just laffing at me description lol...... I put something like 'Denby Gypsy Plater for Sale.... 1981 Wedding gift... no longer needed, seeing as how I have got rid of the husband I thought I would get rid of these plates to... but unlike my X these plates have faired much better, no cracks or chips where as he is old and decrepid and wrinkled with chips and is very much broken'....... LMFAO..... the emails I got from people just laffing at the descriptions were well funny.....

Anyways.... ya see, Im a surviver, and I always seem to be able to make money, its a knack I have..... I wish sometimes I didnt have it..... cos if things aint screwed down I will probably always think about flogging it on ebay lol......

I will shove the money I make in me travel savings account for maybe travelling to the states next year..... and Im weird cos once I put money in certain accounts I DONT take it out for any other reason then for what its in their for....

Waffling on way to much now lmfao.....boring stuff that I know no one but me is interested in lol..... but I aint bovvered.....if you have read down this far you are either mentally challenged or just plain crazy lmfao

x

Fruit and Veggies - 5 A Day......Nuts and Knockers...

Ok....... This is long and probably boring but just the funniest ending, so TRY and slog on to the bottom lol...

We eat loads of fresh veggie and fruit in our house, I cant remember the last time I bought anything that was ready made or processed.... I cook EVERY day from scratch... usually things like huge bowls of pasta or ginormous dishes of garlic chicken lasagne or shepherds pie with sweet potatoe mash topping sprinkled with cheese, or lentil and garlic mushroom gratin with stilton topping... or massive casseroles cooked all day in me slow cooker.. and Sunday roasts at least once a week and and and lol....



Homemade cheese and onion flan.. ok ok so its in a heart shape pan, just call me romantic LOL

I try to buy me veggies and fruit from farmers markets and I LOVE to buy bits and bobs off little gingam covered tables outside the cottages at Southwick where the occupants have grown the stuff in their back gardens.... I also try as best I can to use our little village greengrocers to buy some of me bits instead of the little grocery shop that sells everything, ya know the old saying 'use it or loose it' and I would hate to see out little greengrocer shop close through lack of use....



Homemade sweet potatoe and onion curry simmering away in me slow cooker....... Mmmmmmmm we are HUGE curry eaters in this house :)

Anyways..... I also everyso often order a box of organic grown veggies from Riverford, which is this company that supply right proper fresh veggies and they deliver to ya door free of charge.... they are quite expensive but, oh jebus the taste is proper, ya know, how veggies should taste....

Me last box from them though was a little disappointing, so I aint had them for a few months..........



Homemade garlic chicken lasagne..... this is to die for..



Brocolli and mature cheddar quiche.... I have to make at least 6 of these a week for various sons to take to school, college or work for lunchtime...

But, the week before last a leaflet plonked through me letter box advertising another home delivery on 5-Aday veggies and fruit....... the government over here are trying to tell people that they should eat at least 5 portions of fruit and veg aday, and to stop all the junk rubbish that people are pumping into their kids.....



My homeade Egyptian Lentil Soup bubbling away on the hob.... I could eat this every day its sooooooooo scrummie.... this was a 2 gallon pot to keep us going for a while....

Do you know, when I take me minded kids shopping, we have such fun, BUT, Im amazed at how little they know their fruit and veg, oh they know the colours but some of them aint got a clue as to what they are called....... which lead me to ask some of the parents what they actually fed their kids for their dinners..... to say I was shocked is an understatement.........

Two of the nippers whom will remain nameless only have rubbish like - chicken nuggets (NOT homemade like I make) and chips.... do you know what those processed nuggets are made of, cos it certainly aint proper chicken (sorry Janet).... its things like crunched up beak and bumholes and nostrils and ears and bones with a tiny amount of chicken meat........ and fish fingers and chips (I think doodles call them fish sticks).... well unless ya buy the expensive fish fingers they aint got much fish in them lol..... and pizza and chips and sausage and chips, and I dont mean the real proper sausages that I buy to put in Toad in the Hole, I mean they buy those pink wobbly sausages that are made of MRM which means mechanically removed meat.... which means they get a pressure hose on the carcas of the pig and pressure wash all the tiny bits of meat off the bone and the bums and ears and noses and it all ends up in a slurry sludge and then they press the water out of it and make sausages from the pink wobbly stuff..... a bit like doodle hotdogs..... ewwww

Some of these kids never see fresh veggies let alone fruit at home..... all Infant schools here give the kids 2 pieces of fruit a day at school FREE as part of our GET HEALTHY thing over here....

Anyways, people are intitled to feed their own kids whatever they choose, who am I to judge, I just know that I like to know that my lads since tiny have had the bestest in the food department that I could offer, with homemade almost everything.... dont get me wrong they have had bought pizza before but its usually a treat... and I know when they was younger kids and they wanted kids home for tea (meaning teatime NOT a cuppa tea lol) I would have to rush out and buy some rubbish food cos there is no way they, the kids they bought home, would of eaten lentil and stilton (stinkie cheese) bake.....

So, anyways....this leaflet that I found shoved through me door was for a different company touting for business with the promise of only the freshest stuff and free delivery at a time to suit YOU/me.... at great prices.... with the offer of 20% off ya first order.... so I thought I would big it a bash just to see if it was any good.... ya can have a small, medium or large box with stuff of their choosing or ya can from a list make ya own, but I plumped for just choosing a LARGE box of goodies at 20 quid ($40) not forgetting the 20% off....... I'll try anything once and I always like to give new people and small businesses a chance..... and I spend way more then 20 quid a week on fruit and veg..

So, I emailed in me order, clicked send and was emailed back saying me boxes would be delivered on Wednesday (last week) and was there any special instructions..... so instead of emailing back I rang them, sometimes I like to put a voice to a leaflet LOL.... the bloke was well nice and I told him I was in and out most of the day so if they came they would be 'knocking their nuts off at the front door' cos I would be either out or in the kitchen out the back and I wouldnt hear the door, so to just come around the back and if no one in just leave it near the back door...... simple right? :)

Well the bloke came last Wednesday and he did come around the back like I had requested and I was in and I didnt hear the door lol..... he was really smiling when I opened the back door for him to carry the boxes in, he was a really nice bloke, right proper chatty...... and mumbled something about 'you made everyone laff so hard in the office, you really made our day' I asked him why, and he just said 'check ya invoice'...and PLEASE say you will order again..... we need people like you..... and he buggered off.... I couldnt for the life of me think what the hell he was talking about.....

DISAPPOINTED WITH THE BOXES I WAS NOT........ bloody hell..... the following photos so do not do the boxes justice....



This is what was in the box, and Im sure to of forgotten something....

Fruit box..

6 oranges - bunch of banannas - plums - melon - 6 pomegranits - 6 Avocardos - 10 English Russet apples - 8 other apples - 8 pears - and a bag of the biggest black grapes Ive ever seen....

Veggie box ..

A bunch of giant tomatoes still on the vine - baby carrots with the green tops still on - bigger carrots without their tops - cabbage - onions - brocolli - butternut squash - 3 peppers - cucumber - radishes - bag of large baking spuds - bag of what we call new potatoes, those little ones for salads - celery - leeks - cauliflower - Swede - turnip - parsnips - lettuce - and I know Ive forgotten something lol

All that for 20 quid.... actually for only £15.96 cos of the discount...... mega chufted I was....

Anyways, I was curious as to what the bloke meant when he said I had made them laff in the office, I didnt understand, I had only spoken to someone for just a few minutes on the phone....

So.... I find the invoice amongst the veggies and I have a look.... OMG...... hahahahahahaha see if you can see what the bloke was laffing about....... cos it well made me laff me socks off in me kitchen after I read it....... here is the invoice.... name and address covered over to protect my identity LMFAO....



Can ya see........ can ya?... click to enlarge and look in the box under where it says 'Special Instructions'.... LMFAO...... hahahahahaha

It says - ** Please leave around by the back door if no answer from KNOCKING YOUR NUTS OFF at the front door :) **

They had taken me instructions word for word LMFAO...... I think they liked me... Jebus they like me, holy cow, someone likes me lol

Why oh why cant I just be NORMAL for once, just for one day, or even half a day LOL......

There I told you it was boring, and way to much Twaddle for a dark late Monday evening....

ps..... all the above photos are some of the things I made last week, no one died in the eating of my cooking.... or even had the squirts.... and every plate was licked clean LOL saves on the washing up I says lol....

HE grew - WE scrumped - WE laffed - HE didnt.......

Ok....... Im a bad blobber...... aint had time to scratch me bum of late.....



These nippers in me house every day are part of the reason why.....



And this mob on the noon time Infant School Pickup (I borrowed me maties car)..



An LOADS of this - speculating to accumalating.... (story for another blob maybe)..



As 3 times a week the above....

And what with the house and the garden and me chickens and cats and lizards and washing and cooking and cleaning...... and trampoling club runs and and and ......

Well, I aint really got an excuse why I aint blobbed or got around to emails or flittered around everyones blobs...

BUT, I will tell ya something that I thought was wellabit funny that happened last week......

I think by now most know that me and me twat neighbour dont really see eye to eye.... I fink he hates me LMFAO.... on saying that, he does take in parcels and things for me, ya know, ones that need signing for and cant be left around the back..... except, he dont give them to me straight away when I get home, he sometimes makes me wait a few days and then tells me he has a parcel for me.... the tosser did it last week with a parcel from the States..... I almost wrapped the dam parcel around his smug ugly fat head when he smurked at me whilst handing over the parcel 2 days late......

Anyways, he might of been trying to get his own back cos of what happened a few days previous.....

Let me explain.... me twat neighbour has an apple tree in his garden and its right next to the fence and most of the branches dangle over the fence into my garden...... its a really pretty smallish tree and it offers shade when we sit at our garden table....

Anyways, this year it had an abundance of apples...... more then ever.... maybe it was cos of the crap summer, I dont know, but I know the little tree was ladened down with big scrummy tasting apples........ and how do we know that they are scrummie, well, cos I would just reach up and pick meself an apple when I needed one.....



Example of one of the little dangling branches hanging over my side of the fence..



See, an abundance of apples :)..



A bumper crop.....

Well, the funniest thing of all was that almost all the apples on me neighbours tree were on my side..... maybe its cos the sun would rise this side or maybe it was cos the little apple tree liked me talking to the little robins that would sit in the tree in the spring, I dont really know why, but most of the crop of apples would hanging over into my garden....

As the apples started to get ripe and began to drop into my garden, Janet, Mabel and Cedric would peck them so that I couldnt use them, so I says to my Jacob last week.... hey Jacob, do me a favour will ya, climb on the garden table and reach up and pick ALL the apples that you can reach, before they all drop and become spoilt fallers.......

He said, they aint our apples mum....... I says, what dangles my side of the fence is by law mine for the picking LOL...... SOOOooo Jacob scrumped the apples and handed them to me to put in a bucket...... bloody bucketfuls we picked LOL...

I made loads of apple pies for the freezer and gave some of me maties bags of them........ and then I thought...... I stick some in a pot out on me front wall and put a FOR SALE sign on them.........

OMG I laffed and laffed until I think a bit of wee came out.......

I was putting a pot of apples out the front when me twat neighbour pulls up in his car and climbs out and gets a big box out of the boot of his car...... now, we do say hello to each other even though we both know we dislike each other immensely LOL.....

Me - Hi Dave (his name is NOT Dave but I call him that to annoy him)..

Him - Hello, and dont call me Dave, you KNOW my name is Steve..

Me - Oh yeah, I dont know why I always forget, I shouldnt cos its such a common name... (grin)..

Him - I just bought myself a pressie..

Me - Whatcha buy?

Him - A juicer...

Me - Oh we have a juicer, we dont use it much, you could of borrowed ours... what ya thinking of juicing..

Him - Well, I aint needed one before, but with all the many apples this year, I thought it would be nice to make APPLE juice...

Me - *gulp ~ taking one step to the left so he cant see what I have on me front wall*.. oh Dave, oops sorry, I mean Steve... dont think apples are good for the juicer you should go buy some strawberries or dingleberries from the greengrocers... apples aint no good for juicing...

Him - Our apples will be just fine, Her Indoors is real excited about the thought of fresh apple juice...

AND OFF HE GOES IN HIS FRONT DOOR.......... me, well, I scarper indoors as quick as I can and await the KNOCK ON ME DOOR which I KNOW WAS COMING.......

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK........ I open the door....

Me - Hi Dave, oops I mean Steve..

Him - *very red faced*... did you pick our apples...

Me - When you say 'our' you mean mine and yours right?..

Him - NO I mean Did you pick MY apples... from MY apple tree, which is in MY garden..

Me - Oh, do you mean the apple tree up this end of the garden..

Him - I only have the one apple tree..

Me - Then, no, I didnt pick them...

Him - Have all MY apples fallen off MY tree overnight and ALL fallen in your garden (said in a well sarcastic manner LOL)..

Me - well, a few did fall during the week but me chickens pecked them, I can go get them for you if your that desperate...

Him - So, where did you get the apples in the pot that you have for sale on your front wall..

Me - Apples? oh those apples...... Jacob found them...

Him - THEY ARE MY APPLES AINT THEY? YOU STOLE MY APPLES OFF MY TREE...

Me - Well, not technically, you see they have been dangling my side of the fence now for weeks and we thought you obviously didnt want them cos they had started to fall and ruin...

Him - I was waiting for them to ripen and to buy a juicer so we could pick them and now there is not one apple left on the tree.. (face bright red and getting angry)..

Me - Now Dave, thats a fib isnt it, there are a few at the top that we couldnt reach LMFAO.....

Him - I DONT THINK YOUR FUNNY...

Me - No, your right Dave, oops I mean Steve... but your more then welcome to buy a pot of them off me for a quid....

Him - looking at my front wall and noticing the pot of apples have a FOR SALE sign..... ARE THOSE MY APPLES......

Me - Well not technically, but seeing as we're neighbours you can have the pot for just 50p, thats half price...... thats well a bargain...

Him - STUFF YOUR APPLES UP YOUR ARSE... *crazy expression on his face*

Me - Oh, so they're mine now are they....... I can let you have some blackberries that I picked from the lanes.... ya can have them and the apples for a pound...



HE WENT IN HIS HOUSE AND SLAMMED THE DOOR WITH SUCH FORCE IT ALMOST COME OFF ITS HINGES....

HE grew WE scrumped WE laffed HE didnt.......... some people have no sense of humour...... I did have 4 buckets of apples on the table which I would of given him, if he wasnt so mean spirited LOL..

We did only sell 7 pots of apples lmfao not gonna get rich on those pickings are we, I wonder if I should ask him if he could train his gooseberry bushes a little nearer the fence for next year...

I think as the months and years go by he is warming to me a little, what do you think?

Enuff boring Twaddle for a dark Wednesday evening.....

x

Anyone Fancy.........

Ok..........Sorry I aint been around anyones blobs much or even caught up with all me emails.... Im sorry....... just call me a slagbag... just been way way busy, what with trying to be a substitute mum to 2 little nippers that have started school...... over here they start off just mornings, so Im not only over the school in the mornings and as schools out, Im also having to go over the Infants at noon to pick up J & T the twins, L, and A.... cos their parents have to work so its up to me to settle the little darlings into school routine and be all happy and excited when they come running out to me at noon, arms filled with book bags, paintings, lunches, backpacks, and listen to them jabber on about their morning at school and tease and joke around with them.... all the while feeling sad that their parents are not getting to experience these oh so precious 'starting school' days.... but happy that they love me enough to come running out into my arms full of laughter and giggles..... so I do the school pickups and me matie Sharon does the lunchtime pre-school pickups then we meet for lunch either at my house with about 10 kids or at her house with 10 kids LOL.....

I feel blessed that I get to settle these tiny tots (4 year olds) into school and felt so proud today when Alex came running out to me with a beautiful picture he had painted for ME....... which he prompty gave his mum when she picked him up from me at 6pm LMFAO ..... little sod LOL his mum is dutch and its just so funny, I find meself talking to her in that sloobie doodie up and down singing accent lmfao, we both end up laffing so hard LOL...... bloody foreigners....

So..... anyways that is why Ive not been around as much, also trying to fit in 3 hospital appointments a week ..... but busy is good, and busy pays the bills and puts food on the table.....and makes me forget for a little the empty ache where me soul once was....

Anyways........... Anyone fancy coming for a lunchtime drink tomorrow, and NO, I dont necessarily mean a beer or a spirit, ya can have a fizzy drink or squash if ya like..... cos this is where we are off to tomorrow lunchtime with 8 kids in tow.....



This is The Royal Oak at Langstone harbour, which is about 13 minutes drive away :)..... and that on the right of it is the Old Mill where someone lives, it has no sails nowadays, and some famous bloke years ago use to live in it, at full tide it is cut off and one can only access it via the old Puffing Billy Railroad track which is now a nature reserve which runs behind it.....



You can see how cut off the mill house is at high tide.... I can remember many a time when some unsuspecting holdiay maker had dared to park their car down on the foreshore and go in the pub for dinner etc, only to come out when the tide has come in to find there car almost submerged by the water LMFAO...... funny funny, that will learn em... dam tourists lol



This is what its usually like during any summer weekend, except this summer was crap weather so everyone would of been inside the real old pub..

I love this pub so for many reasons...... as kids we would be taken their by me parents, and whilst they visited with friends in the pub, us kids (kids of the friends to) would all swim in the harbour.... there use to be a little wooden raft chained to the seabed just off the pub which we would swim out to...... Im talking about when I was 7ish I suppose...... no one checked up on us all evening lol..... and I know from experience what a dangerous place it can be when the tide turns and starts to go out..... when the tide is out its just mudflats and when we use to swim in the waters there, we would be to scared to put our feet down cos of the stinking mud on the seabed LOL....



This is the same pub when the tide is right out LOL.... and it stinks to high heaven....

On the opposite side of the road from The Royal Oak are the cockle mudflats where we use to have to go cockling with me father when we was nippers.... but thats a story for another day.....funny and scarey and life threatening....

The Royal Oak use to have a pot bellied pig in the back beer garden, and I remember it use to eat all the scraps off the resturant tables - this pub does the most amazing grub..... the little road at Langstone that leads down to the pub has a beautiful ancient row of terrace houses, and I remember this really old lady use to sell tiny tubs of fresh cockles from her open front door....

The photo above are off the internet as my photos are still on me old computer and as yet I aint had a chance to swap over all the computer cables to transfer them onto this new computer....

The picture is actually taken from the carpark of The Ship Inn pub which is just across the waterway from The Royal Oak...... another lovely old pub with great grub.... Langstone is the gateway onto Hayling Island.... which has a pub right on the beach which also holds such wonderful memories for me, and hopefully now for my lads, but again, those memories are stories for another day.....



This to is a lovely old pub, not as old as The Royal Oak and very different inside.....

We aint just going to Langstone for lunch, we will actually take the nippers along the nature reserve which stretchs right along the coast to the next harbour village of Emsworth...... more memories there for me.....sigh.....

All this of course IF IT AINT RAINING........ wish me luck that I dont lose one of the nippers off the mudflats lmfao.....

Maybe, over the coming weeks, I'll take ya all on a pub crawl of the 7 (yes bloody 7) pubs here in me village..... all over 150 years old except one......

I know if I EVER get any doodles maties come to visit, I will be their personal tour guide, there is just so much to see and do in my part of the world, mostly old and ancient, and I dont just mean the pubs LOL - I was trying to explain to me matie JBelle about all the amazing sites and places here on the South Coast of England...

Enough Twaddle for a Wednesday evening, now that Ive bored ya to death LOL

x

Bloomin Beautiful........ And JobsWorth Tosser...

Ok....... Most of you probably know that I LOVE going to the garden centre with the nippers and me maties.... its only about 4-5 miles from here and its HUGE, so there is loads to see there, and the nippers love it, cos there are talking birds in the hothouse which say 'ello charlie' and there is also a big duck pond where we feed the ducks..... its great in bad weather cos most of it is undercover..... its the biggest garden centre around here for miles and miles.....

Its great cos the Strange Bruvvers that started it years ago, started real small a little further up the road from where it is now.... they were sort of a couple of pikies I think....... and as the business started to grow they moved to where it is now.... and its the most amazing place......they both have their mansions built on site, but they are just normal blokes, still working in the nursery, still getting their hands dirty, I must of known them for nigh on 25 years.....

I suppose me and me matie Sharon goes there at least every 3 or so weeks....its a great morning out for the nippers to, there is so much one can teach the kids at these places.... so much to learn....... there is also a lovely little cafe in the old victorian house that use to be the house on the land, and we often have lunch there, well a scone and a cuppa tea.... they dont like it much though that we take the nippers lunchboxes with us to save having to buy them all lunch, we aint made of money ya know.....



Our minded nippers love going to this garden centre and they often hide from us.... well they think they hide but we always know they are not far away......



Here they are thinking they were hiding LOL - thats J at the back and then Sprite his sister (whom I had since she was 10 weeks old) at the front and then M and T the twins and P their sister.... I love these kids and they in turn love me.... I think LOL



And here they all are in the geranium section.... a bunch of little blondies..

The year my tosser X left me and the lads, I had just secured us a contract with the above said nursery to supply them with alpines, we preferred selling them ourselves at country shows cos we got top prices for them, and by supplying other nurseries meant they got our plants at wholesale prices and they are the ones that make the greater profit from them, without having the risks and hard work of growing them........ ya see..... we had our own little nursery business and it was just into its forth year and he buggered off...he wanted it all to himself, I had helped to build his dream and he decided he wanted it without the tie of kids and family life (after 18 years of marriage lol)...... 80-90 hour weeks I worked building his dream with him..... his father owned a nursery business so it was all me X ever knew.... he had worked for his family business since leaving school at 15, it was all he knew how to do......

I will give me X one praise though, he was the most amazing grower that Ive ever come across.... he was the brawn behind our business and I was the brains and a bit of brawn....... I can load 4000 3 litre pots of perenials and alpines on any given evening by hand onto our nursery van without a shake of a cats tail..... 80-90 hours a week I would put in, I still had me preschool and still minded nippers and ran the house and had me 4 lads to sort and still managed to work every evening and every weekend on our nursery business for 4 years building his dream......

Circumstances made us start our own place, I found and bought the land at a time when the tosser X was suffereing from real bad depression, due to his father disowning him and throwing him to the wayside.... circumstances that almost cost our young son Sams life..I had Sam in ICU and almost dead, I had a hubby with depression, a 1 year old baby, an 11 and 9 year old that needed me, a preschool to run, 12 minded nippers to suss and sort out, and everyone relied on me... I had to carry the weight for all off us on me own for 3 years, and try and help build my X's dream, so that our family had a future.....so build I did, carry I did, go without I did, love I did, struggle I did....... LMFAO then when he had got his dream in place he walked from his family....... I often wonder what we would of become if he had stayed..... him being the brawns and me being the brains of the operation..... he was as thick as 2 short planks, but by god he was the most amazing grower and cutting taker of plants......

But when he left, he forgot that it takes more then brawn to run a business, and by leaving he walked away from the brains LOL..... and a business with no brain cells to plan and risk and think, is no business at all......... it stagnates, it stand still and eventually it becomes nothing....

I miss our nursery, I miss the thrill of knowing people wanted to buy something that we had grown and nurtured...... I miss the big country shows that we use to go to, I miss the interaction with the customers, something which my X hated, he couldnt talk his way out of a paper bag, so I was the 'frontman' at the shows.... and ya know what Im like with people LOL...

So I went from almost losing the life of my precious son..... to both my parents dying within 10 weeks of each other, to my X walking out on his family, all within a few years...... but cos I was use to carrying us all, I think that is why I just slipped into the roll of mum/dad nurturer, breadwinner when I had to do it all alone... cos to be honest, I'd been doing all alone for years.....

I have only shared the above (you are just getting a glimpse not the whole kaboodle) with one other cyber person... the same person that I had shared many of the happenings in my life, I hope that person keeps my stories safe, and places them next to my soul for safe keeping... stacked on a shelf somewhere together....

Anyways...... I digress LOL and have probably said way to much.........

So, the nursery that we love spending time at had a sale on a few weeks back, and it was one of our few sunny days, so we loaded up the 5 nippers we had between us and headed for heaven.. opps sorry, the nursery...



This is what we found....... oh my.... it was orgasmic LOL



As far as the eye could see....



The nippers are at the garden centre with us so often that its like a second home to them LOL.... besides the greenhouses and plants there are HUGE buildings housing every conceivable thing you can think of to do with gardens.... and even some home furnishings with a garden theme..... so we also love looking around those parts of the garden centre....

We often as not dont buy anything, we just go for a few hours to get out, but we always come home with cuttings LOL.... and no, we aint taught the kids how to nic cuttings yet, what do you take me for Fagin LOL ...

Most that know me also know that no matter how good, how quiet I can be, trouble ALWAYS seems to find me/us..... and the day a few weeks ago at the garden centre was not exception......

So, there we was in the home and garden section when we spied some hats, ya know, hats that posh people must wear whilst watching their gardeners do the hard work lol..... the minded nippers KNOW they are NOT allowed to touch or pick things up without first asking me or Sharon...... but I said 'shall we try on some hats' to which they squeeled YES.... so we were all laffing and having a whale of a time, trying on all the different hats, all way to big for their little heads.... and you know me with me camera..... I says..... ok, each put a hat on and let me take your photos......... and they all sat on the little patio furniture for their photo..... just as a member of staff walked around to see what all the laffing was about....

Here is the photo of the nippers, complete with labelled hats LOL



And this is the conversation that followed with the 'staff member'...

Bloke - Please do not let the children touch the goods..

Me - Goods? oh you mean the beautiful hats..

Bloke - Yes, please do not touch them unless you are thinking of purchasing them ..

Me - Maybe we are letting the children try them on so that they can choose which ones they want to buy..

Bloke - That obviously is not true, because the hats are adult sizes and way to big for them..

Me - And MAYBE I like to buy things bigger so that they grow into them, cos your prices are so ridiculasly high we cant buy new each year..

Sharon - giggling and giving me the 'look' ..

Bloke - Now you are just being a smartarse..

Me - Dont you know the customer is always right, its in the good customer guide, page 4, paragraph 3, subsection 2... where it clearly states, and I quote 'The Customer is always right'..

Bloke - Please dont let the children touch the hats..

Me - Ok kids, put the hats back on the rack, your probably right, Mr? 'jobsworth', they all have headlice and I dont suppose it was a good idea trying on hats now was it, and as you say they are way to big for them, so Im not going to buy the hats, cos I dont want my children to look ridiculas now do I..

Bloke - HEADLICE?.. and its Mr Dallas not Mr Jobsworth (HE SO DIDNT GET THE JOKE lol)

Me - Yeah, I so need to get that stuff for their little heads that kills the lice and stops them from infecting others..

Bloke - They have headlice? .. but headlice are catching, ewwwww

Me - Please do not say that infront of the children like that, it can be quite upsetting what with the constant itching, you should see Jons head, its a mass of scabs where he has scratched til he's bled...

Bloke - I really think you should be purchasing the hats now the children have tried them on while having headlice...

Me - Nah its ok, I mean, you said they were all to big for them, I think we'll leave it fanks very much and maybe we'll go buy an ice-cream..

Sharon - Dam jobsworth..

We walked away and Sharon whispered, does Jon and Sprite really have headlice...... No I said, but he dont know that LOL....



These are the 4 perenials that I bought..... a bright red victoria lobelia, a purple lobelia, a plum coloured penstimon and a true blue Salvia...

Why dont some people just mind their own dam business..... why do jobsworths always decend on us when we are out LMFAO.....

Enough boring Twaddle for a dark Friday evening..

x