My Little Miracle..... Marble

Ok, Busy busy hectic week here, what with hospital appointments and working what will be a 55 hour week before I even begin with my lot, and our Tom's Engagement Party this evening, which Ive been helping to organise for over 140 of his friends, I aint had time to even think straight this week..... I do not know how Im gonna cope tonight at the party, its a bit out of my depths with so many people and added to that Im totally exhausted LOL its gonna make for a great mix.......

But, within all the hectic hustle and bustle of this week, something happened that warmed the cockles of me heart.... it made me smile and beam and feel all warm and protective inside.......

Anyone that knows me KNOWs how daft I am about me chickens Janet (who I found wandering around outside our junior school about 18 months ago) and Mabel (who just turned up on Sunday morning in our garden, we have no idea how she got here) and Cedric (who is our cockeral and was given to me by me bestest matie Wendy, who I started off with chickens last year for her birthday, Cedric came to me cos her neighbours complained about his cocker doodle doodling and she knows I aint really bovvered what my neighbours think lol)..... anyways..... I love these 3 chickens like I never thought I would LOL daft right?

Since Cedric arrived on the scene he has been 'getting his oats' as us Brits would say, daily from his 2 woman.... and during the summer we so hoped that Janet or Mabel would go broody and maybe hatch some eggs, but alas no such luck....

Until, 3-4 weeks ago, Mabel laid a couple of eggs and just wouldnt budge off them and even pecked me hard when I tried to have a look to see if she was poorly or not, ya see, I had no idea she had these eggs, she had stopped laying a few weeks previous, so I thought that she was poorly and went to lift her out of the coop with thoughts of dam vets and high bills...... but to my surprise she was egg sitting....

It takes 4 weeks for a hen to egg sit, until hatching..... and all day this little Silkie chicken would sit on her eggs only briefing coming out of the coop to rush up me garden, grab a bit to eat and drink and dash back and sit in the coop on her eggs, how dam boring for her... no telly and not even a newspaper to keep her sane LOL



This is Mabel a few weeks ago sitting on her 2 eggs, its not a good photo but she was getting cross with me.....

Mabel is our little punk rocker chicken, cos she dont have a red comb on her head like Janet does, nor a dangly wattle under her chin, instead she has the most tiniest of weenie feathers, so tiny and soft that they actually resemble downie hair.... the only thing with that is that she aint waterproof like Janet and when she stays out in the rain she looks like a drowned rat LOL

So, imagine my surprise when on Tuesday I hobbled over the school to pick up 5 nippers, we came home down the little track that leads to the bottom of me garden instead of walking the road way round... so we have to walk up me garden, I could see Janet and Cedric up the top end of me garden near the back door, but as I passed the coop I heard Mabel making a fuss and I hear chirping.... YES chirping.... it stopped me in me tracks and I opened the little door into the inside bedroom of the coop......

There was Mabel still sitting with her wings spread out wide.... as I went to touch her she went crazy at me lol..... I shouted for Jacob to come help me, I thought he can get pecked LOL.... he gently grabbed Mabel from behind in the 'chicken holding' position lol.... and Oh my gracious..... there was a tiny weenie chick...... AND... which was sad, there was also a flat as a pancake dead chick.... amongst the broken egg shells....

So, I present to you....... Marble...... my little miracle..... my first ever little hatched chick, I could not feel anymore proud then if one of me lads had given me a grandchild LMFAO hahahahahahaha....



Marble is small and round and fluffy and multicoloured.... whereas the other chick was flat and wide and squashed and dead..



We think that maybe this little chick hatched the day previous and somehow got squashed or even pecked by Cedric during its first night.....

When I reached in to remove the dead little chick poor Mabel went frantic, she didnt want me to lob it in the dustbin.... but I had to.... I couldnt just leave it in the coop to rot....

I then thought, I should remove Marble and mum so that the surviving chick didnt get squashed...... but I had nowhere to put them, so I rang me matie Wendy whose chickens had hatched eggs in the summer and within 5 minutes Jon her hubby had brought round a little hutch and run, so we lined it with fresh herbie hay and lemon sawdust LOL yes, me chickens are spoilt.... and carefully lifted Mabel and Marble into the seperate little hutch, she snuggled down and marble crawled under her wing.....

The night was to be bitterly cold and I was hoping against all odds that this tiny weenie chick would survive, and come the morning I was a little scared to uncover the hutch and peep inside........

I could of bought them both into the house in a box, but, thats not nature, and Im sure Mabel would be a good mum and keep the chick warm, she had enough hay in there to keep an army warm lol



But as you can see, I worried for nuffin...... and as soon as I had dropped nippers off at school, I shot up to the petshop and bought some chick/crumb so that the chick had its own special tiny food....



First Mabel showed Marble how to peck LOL.... and then the chick begain gobbling up the chick crumb....aint it amazing how independant they are almost from the outset...

You can see in the above photo that Mabel dont have a comb and waffle but looks like a beady eyed punk LOL



I love this little chick and Im hoping so much that nothing now happens to it.... me minded nippers love it and it will be a great learning thing for them to watch it grow....

Im hoping its a hen, but if its a cockeral then Im still gonna keep in, and Cedric will just have to learnt to live with another cock on his patch lol..... on saying that, this chick would be a tiny cockeral compared to Cedric.....



Here is Janet, Cedric and Mabel back in the summer..... dont they look healthy :)

I dont need flash cars or houses, or posh resturants to make me happy, I certainly dont need diamonds and jewellery, I dont need expensive paintings to bring me so much joy.....

I just enjoy the simple things in life..... my maties here in the real world just dont 'get it' with their flash cars and big houses and gardens all neat and tidy.....

Me, well, Im just low maintenance, I gleam so much from the little things in life.... just a simple life, thats all Ive ever wanted........ but, Im still hoping that one day my prince will come.... but he would have to love me chickens to LOL

Ok, enough Twaddle for a damp Friday morning, I have to much to do today WITH kids in tow LOL.... but thats me, Ive usually got a kid in tow, no matter what I need to do...... wish me luck tonight, I know I am well out of me depth with so many people and I will feel like a fish out of water..... but I love our Tom so very much, and I need to be there, he needs me there, that was his words last night...... so be there I will....

X

Who Flung Poo Is NOT An Item On The Chinky Take-Away Menu...

Ok...... before I Twaddle me usual load of bollocks I would like to ask those of you that have some kinda faith or that god thing going on, to please give big thoughts to me Maties Shelley and Bob and their dear brother Mike.... as their brother Mike is fighting for his life in a Seattle hospital with a terrible illness....Shelley is a dear dear friend and BobsBlob (on my side bar,please go visit) was me first ever blob that I read, and Bob helped me through a very difficult time earlier in the year, and in different ways, I love them all very much..... Mike (SideNote) HAS to pull through this... he just has to.... PLEASE MIKE GET BETTER SOON....

Fanks....


Ok...... It dont seem right to Twaddle about my rubbish when people that I care about are struggling with such pain.... but...... twaddle I will.....

Im still at the hospital at least twice a week and sometimes 3 times, its very draining and buggers up my whole day having to organise me minded nippers to go elsewhere for a good 2-3 hours of my day.......

Anyways.... I dont have to go right over to Haslar Hospital but I go to our more local hospital for my twice weekly visits.... and if I go down the back lanes and up the back of Portsdown Hill, the hospital lies just over the hill on the Cosham side of Portsmouth.... well, from my house I suppose its only about a 15-20 minute drive, depending on if I meet any tractors or farmer Cutler moving his cows along the lanes or if the ford is flooded like it was last week and I have to make the decision whether to try and drive through a 3-4 foot flooded road or back track and go down the other lane.....

So..... twice a week I drop Sprite and whoever else I might have at the time, off at me maties house and my car just seems to go on automatic pilot as I drive the well driven route.... well, a couple of weeks ago I thought I would shoot up Pidgeon House Lane where the ford is and come out on the top of the hill cos it would knock about 5 minutes off the route cos I was running 5 minutes late...

Pidgeon house lane is muddy from the farms and very very narrow with just little passing places cut into the hedgerow for the occasional passing traffic....

Im driving along trying not to think of THE TORTURE CHAIR that I knew I would get the pleasure of at the hospital that morning, which leaves me in tears and often uttering the odd swear word lol....with me radio tuned into Radio One, and the sun was shining...... as Im driving along in autopilot I always have a look around the fields and often stop to talk to the cows that come up to the fence if ya lucky.....



This is what a right proper black and white British cow looks like....its a milking cow and not a steak and mince beef cow, aint it pretty..... I LOVE cows and I would LOVE to have a pet cow one day...... I know I know, like that is ever gonna happen lol -(for Toriz who is blind - a photo of a black and white cow sitting down in a field)..

As I get almost to the top of the lane I glanced over to the right cos I could see a tractor in the sloping field.... it was pulling something behind it, I thought maybe a plough or something, but I couldnt see to clearly as the sun was actually shining a little in me eyes...

Often when Im driving on me own round the lanes, I sort of go into a little dream world of me own, always looking around at nature or wildlife, me maties hate driving with me down the lanes cos I look more in the fields and hedgerows then what I do at the road LOL....

As I got a little further up the lane, still staring at the tractor in the field, cos I LOVE tractors LOL and all things farmish... something dawns in me head, and I actually exclamed out loud to meself.... OH SHIT...... and I frantically searched for the button to shut me electric window........

It was not a plough that the tractor was pulling, it was a bloody 'muck spreader' and it was flinging poo every which way out the back of the spreader.... I might be dam old but my reflexes are on the ball lmfao.... me window closed just as the most enormous blob of 'poo' hit my drivers side window right a face level LMFAO.... if I had not been so quick the poo would of hit me smack in the face LMFAO.... I could hear me car being attacked by splatterings of the stuff as I drove... I could see the dam farmer smiling the biggest smile ever and I was laffing so hard, me thinks he knew what had just happened LOL.

So I drove on up the top of the hill and stopped me car....



Who Flung Poo is so not an item on the Chinky Take-away Menu.... well, I dont think so, cos I couldnt see not one noodle mixed up with the poo on me car window...

I didnt have time to get out me car and look at the damage, so I just quickly took the above photo and continued to the hospital which was then only 4 minutes away...

Oh my..... oh my lmfao.... I got out me car.... already now late and was gonna hobble to the physio department, but as I was locking me car this is what it looked liked lmfao......



I think me windscreen on the drivers side took the worse of the poo hit LOL



Side view, it dont look as bad as it actually was LOL



This one is a bit fuzzy but you get the gist LOL

I hobbled into the Rehabiliation Centre at the hospital, where now they know me so well, and I was still laffing..... as were they when I told them what had just happened...... Anita said.... why is it you Mel, why do these things always happen to you... most fall in poo and come up smelling like roses, but you, you just get covered from head to tail in poo LOL

The laffing was not over though, cos after me two hours of pain and torture with me physios I usually have to sit a while with ice bags on me cos after THE TORTURE CHAIR and what it does to me, I cant actually walk for about 10 minutes after LOL... and I hobble through the reception area far worse then I hobble in lol, it makes me smile looking at the faces at the 'new people' waiting in the waiting room as I hobble by lmfao....

So.... I gets me token out me car to go and pay and get an 'out token' for the carpark barrier and hobble over to the paying machine, when I gets back to me car there is a bloke just gonna squeeze down the side of me car to get to his car that was behind mine.....You dont wanna be doing that, I says.... its ok, he says, I aint that fat, I will just be able to squeeze by........ YOU REALLY dont wanna be doing that I said again.... he had stopped by now and was staring at me....... its ok he said, I aint gonna scratch ya car...... and with that he squeezed down the side of me car and I started to giggle..... as he got past me car I was standing about 10 foot from him and he says...... OH SHIT...... to which I reply..... I TOLD you that you didnt wanna be doing that LMFAO...... he had only squeezed past me car and had scraped onto his business suit all the poo that had been on the side of me car LMFAO...... he burst out laffing as did I.... to bloody funny.... he was covered in cow poo, his jacket his trousers and his lovely pale blue shirt and tie LMFAO.....

See, sometimes I do give good advise, its that others just dont listen to me :)



This is what me windscreen looked like from the inside....... praise the lord I was quick enough to shut me window when the first flinging of poo began....

Enough boring Twaddle for an overcast Thursday morning.....

Please dont forget to gives thoughts and well wishes to Shelley, Bob and of course dear Mike who is right proper poorly....

x

Mission Accomplished - And - Should I Be Worried...

Ok........ first off, sorry I aint been around ya blobs and Twaddle of late.... trying to deal with Tosser X who will just not roll over and DIE... hospitals, a fall that has torn something in me good knee, hospital hoping I aint tore me acl that I had replaced a few years ago with me hamstring, will know more on Friday, interviewing parents AND getting the job for Febuary with 2 little boys - (The parents THEY LIKED ME)for more childcare arrangements and now an Engagement Party to organise for the 28th of this month for my Tom.... so even though Im finding it difficult to get about with 2 dodgy knees I HAVE TO STILL WORK lol... no peace for the wicked, all I can say is that I must of been a well bad kid and this is me punishment LOL

Anyways, enuff of all that bollocks......

Halloween came to this house in one mad rush, we dont do weeks before like doodles do, we just do HALLOWEEN NIGHT.... I let the nippers carve some pumpkins and we decorated the lounge, dragged the coffin out that lives under me bed with George in it and all the bits of bobs..... the minded nippers think that the coffin which looks like a real coffin that we made a few years back and is lined with black and red silk and the skeleton bones of George, well, they think its the bones of a minded nipper that didnt eat its lunch lmfao..... aint I mean.... it puts the fear of god into them.... that will learn em... fear is good right? and they all love me right? lol



This is George....

Anyways..... all me lads were going to various parties so I knew I would be mostly here on me own, I was invited to a party at Sharons but cos I cant get around to good, I thought I would give it a miss....

But, jebus the noise level in this house was just so loud and funny....... my Tom said he had a party to go to but had no idea what to go as, it was a spur of the moment party decision lol..... I told him to let me think for 5 minutes and I will come up with something lol......

BINGO...... I rummaged around in the shed and found a tin of green emulsion paint, its water based right? so that means its not like a shiny gloss, it would wash off right? eventually......

Well, we thought about it and decided to use it LMFAO cos we couldnt think of anything else.... THE HULK here we come..... so I painted, yes painted my Tom's face, arms neck, hands and body with green paint from the shed LMFAO..... we ripped an old Tshirt up and he shoved that on, we found some black spray stuff (I think it was car spray) and we sprayed his hair black lmfao..... all the time his 6 or 7 mates were just putting on boring masks and telling Tom he AND I were crazy lol...... oh my goodness, I laffed and laffed and laffed......

The finished product was actually great lmfao..... giggling as I type.... paint from the shed cost nuffin, as did the black car spray but the laffs were priceless....



Yep every bit covered, even inside his ears lmfao.......



Yep that will do lmfao...... the funny thing was, Tom has to work on Saturdays until 2ish, and he didnt get home til 3am in the morning and had to be at work by 8am... I didnt get up on Saturday cos I have a bit of a lay-in at the weekends or I visit Saint Matress Of The Springs as Soul Pumkin would say lol..... but when I did crawl out of bed and tiptoed to the bathroom, me victorian sink and bath was no longer white but GREEN lol...... I waited with baited breath for him to come home after work, and sure enough he still had green ears and his whole face was green tinged LOL he had to scrub and scrub for over an hour in the bath to get the rest off LMFAO to dam funny....

The other funny thing is that my daft Sam and his matie Rob (yes there were about 15 lads and lasses here trying to get sorted, well my Sam and Rob decided to use the rest of the black spray and spray each others faces so that they looked liked gollies LOL..... they ran out before I had a chance to take photos.... it took a good 3 days to get the paint off their faces cos it was car spray paint lmfao......

Early evening whilst we was painting and stuff, the music noise level in this house was making the walls rock lol.... but I had NOT forgotten me mission of the evening....... ya see, I do get loads of treat or treaters, many of me minded nippers knock on me door, but they also know, as do most of the parents that come with their kids, that I DONT DO NICE on halloween, I say if they take their kids out trick or treating then TOUGH... they had better be prepared to be scared if they knock on my door LOL...... yet year after year they come back.....

Before my Jacob went to his party he positioned himself out on a chair next to the front door with a mask and sat or slumped real still.... waiting and waiting and I was inside behind the door READY lol..... we could hear the kids from across the road that were having a party, we heard them say to their parents, oh lets do Mel's place first please please and then again last LMFAO.......



He sat real still and as the kids approached we could hear them say (these kids were all about 5-7 year olds) I wonder if Mel is in, oh and look at that scarecrow its real scary, and I heard the dad say, it is, but its not real children, just knock on the door...... well as the kids came up to the door Jacob moved and howled LMFAO..... the kids screamed and one flew back so fast he smacked into me car that was parked out the front lmfao.... screams and tears and everything lmfao..... the parents laffed and laffed...... Jacob then took his mask off and the kids calmed down.... well, until they then knocked on me door. Ya see I have this hidious mask and I crouch real low behind the door and then I fling the door open and shout WHAT DO YOU WANT GET OUT OF HERE and I grab for their treat bags lmfao..... oh my oh......



This is me lol...... aint I pretty lmfao....

One group of older kids (6-8 year olds) Jacob wasnt sitting out the front (it was bloody cold that night) so he crept around the side alley and came up behind them quietly as they knocked on me door..... so as they screamed and turned to run he was there, it was just so funny, even a dad ran lmfao.... we did manage to grab one cheeky 8 year old and opened the lid of next doors dustbin that was out the front and put the kid in it, jebus he could scream and kick and shout lmfao.......

They KNOW if they come to Mels house then be prepared to be scared.....

Jacob even managed to scary the poo out of a passing dog walker who has stopped to look at our window display and to peer at him, thinking he was a scarcow, and as she peered real close he screamed as did she as she leapt back about 6 feet lmfao the dog started whimpering lmfao and then she started laffing and later in the evening she bought her kids back to be frightened lol

This Halloween night we made 3 kids wet their pants..... and one little 6 year old batman poo'd his costume lmfao...we shoved 1 in next doors dustbin and scared the life out of about 20 others lol.... the following day as I was hobbling back from school a woman ran up to me laffing and said, YOU made our night last night, I reconised the woman from when I use to own me pre-school, I said, I didnt see you last night, she said, Im the mum of the batman LMFAO....... she actually fanked me for making it one of the best treat or trick rounds LMFAO...... I just told her I WAS NOT responsible for the washing of soiled batman outfit LMFAO.....

There...... mission accomplished 3 wet pants and 1 soiled batman.... DONE AND DUSTED til next year :) - next year Im nicking an idea I read on a blob.... instead of little bags of sweets to give out, Im going to cook sprouts and dip them in chocolate lmfao..... now that will be funny lol as they pop, what they will think is a giant chocolate into their little greedy gobs lmfao..

The following night my Tom once again said, oh shit mum, think of something, I have another party in Town..... I told him I was all out of ideas, so he said not to worry, he and his girlfriend would think of something and they both disappeared LOL.... they came back an hour later on the way to the party..... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Now you have to know that my Tom is 6'4 and is gorgeous......he could easily make a male model if he so wanted instead of working in the motor industry lol.... his girlfriend Sammie is only 5'2 and tiny and petite and lovely...... well I laffed so hard when he walked in to show me his outfit that I almost had to rush out and buy some absordant pads...... I just couldnt stop laffing.....

If I had suggested to him a week earlier the outfit he turned up in he would of laffed and said NO WAY NO HOW cos my Tom is a right proper macho man....... this is what my gorgeous big strapping lad went out in a taxi on the Saturday evening to a halloween party wearing......



Yep..... aint he gorgeous lmfao...... the funny thing is my Tom has 2 half sleeve tatoos and a HUGE dragon tat on his back..... and his initials on his chest (thats incase he ever forgets who he is)....

He had only squeezed into one of Sammies maties dresses lmfao..... and she had done his hair and make up lmfao.... complete with fishnet stockings and suspenders and panties lmfao hahahahah and a handbag slung over his shoulder....he looked like a transvesite lmfao.....



This is him crouching down head level with Sammie LOL..... dig the beauty spot.... he had more make up on his face in that photo then what Ive ever had on me face in a lifetime lmfao.....



Should I be worried? he said it was right comfortable lmfao hahahahaahahahaha Tom wears size 13 shoes and sammie wears tiny size 4s so he put on his big boots just to get to the party lmfao..... to dam bloody funny......



I suppose if work in the motor industry hits a slump, Tom could always earn a little extra on a Saturday night down the old Guildhall Steps behind the Lion Statues, turning tricks lmfao (local knowledge thats where all the hookers hang out) lol



No one reconized Tom dressed as the Hulk when he walked into a club on the Friday, and no one reconized him at first when he walked into the house party on Saturday lmfao....... maybe his life should go down the private detective road cos he sure is a master of disguise LMFAO....

Through all the ups and downs and the highs and lows in this house, one thing ITS NOT BORING LIVING HERE lol

Ok, bored ya to Twaddke tears here on this crisp DRY Wednesday morning.......

x

I Dont Do Pink........

Ok........ I DONT do pink...... I mean pink clothes, to be honest Im not that much of a girlie girl.... anyways..... I did own a pink T-shirt once but it was a childminding shirt with our logo on and some dork ordered it for me not knowing that I DONT DO PINK.... Im sure that was/is the only item of clothing I have that is pink...... I do have a couple of pairs of socks with pink mingled in them amongst the other colours....

I also have a pair of retro kitchen scales in shocking pink which I LOVE so very much, and of which I would run back into a burning building to save in the event of a fire....but thats different....oh and I do have a little pink stuffed cat wedged on me dashboard near me windscreen in me car....

But do LOVE pink plants though... I have many pretty pink delicate flowers in me garden..... which is strange cos I DONT do pink lol.... maybe its my inner 'I wanna do pink but I cant' trying to come out in me plants lol







Besides these few pink plants I have pink mallows, and a huge pink Hebe and a pink Bleeding heart and various others.....

ToriZ proably good you cant see these photos cos they are out of focus and crap LOL
But I DONT do pink...

Then pray tell me why do I LOVE my pink Etnies with a PASSION lol (wondering how many of ya actually know what Etnies are lmfao)....



At Hayling Island..



At Thorpe Park..



Bognor Regis..



At the Ferryboat Inn on the eastern tip of Hayling Island looking across to Portsmouth.. ya can just see the ear of me pink cat which is next to me redneck horn that says rude redneck road abuse words that me matie David sent me a couple of years ago from California cos I told him I often swore at other drivers whilst driving lol so now I just hit the button and laff instead of swearing.... I can swear like a fishwife when I have to lol...



Langstone Harbour Foreshore..

My orange and red flowered doc martens (ya know, the ones I will be buried in) are getting quite jealous of me Etnies... cos they have been me hobbling shoe of late....

And when I wore them to me physio appointment on Friday, first Anita said WTF you dont do pink lmfao....... and when Nick came in to torture me double he said.... Mel, well well well do you now do pink?..... I think my NON PINK REPUTATION is spreading lol......I had to tell them both to SHUT UP lol......

Ya see.......... I DONT do pink........ not even on a dark wet cold Saturday November night....

Twaddle over.....

x

Speculate to Accumulate - Flogging Sand To The Arabs..

Ok.......... I aint much good at most things in life, I dont have any talents.... though, I do remember all the words to that famous British tune 'Land Of Hope And Glory' when Ive had a bottle of red wine, I dont know the words when sober LOL... may I just add here, that it has been many many years since I got rat-arsed, let alone tipsy even.....

So Im not much good at anything, I can still hear the words 'YOU GOOD FOR F'IN NUFFIN' shouted at me by my father as he boxed me ears for some misdemeaner I might have done as a child....and 'YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO MUCH' LOL...

Ive failed at most things in life..... being a daughter, a wife, even a friend sometimes and often Ive failed at being a mother...

But one thing I KNOW Im good at, something I have a canny knack for and that is surviving.... and making money...... not pots of money, but enough....most things in life I look at way different from me maties.... I always wear, just under the skin, me 'business head' me 'there's gold in them there hills head'......it drives me maties mad.... but they are not, and never have been put in positions of survival, they have always had a hand to hold and family around them and a net under them to catch them if and when they fall.......... me, Ive never had that..... not even when I was married to the tosser LOL.... its hard always being everyone elses net, especially when one aint to keen on fishing lol.....

Anyways..... me, I could sell sand to the Arabs.... me maties always roll their eyes when I mention some of the ways I make that little extra bit of dosh.... but then, they wouldnt understand what drives me, no one does really..... I stand alone, not many really know ME, and they most certainly do not know about my life in years gone by or how I tick.... somethings are not for sharing until that someone special stumbles into my life....

So...... Selling sand to the arabs.....ya see, I use to own a pre-school, I sold it about 3 years ago, and I do actually now regret that decision, but tough tittie on me on that one...... but ya see, I still get the pre-school catalogues with equipment and stuff one needs to run a successful pre-school......

Three weeks or so ago a SALES CATALOGUE dropped through me door from one of the many school catalogues that I get throughout the year.... only this sales catalogue was a tad different, this one promised up to 75% off.... and I know all the stuff in the catalogues are top quality cos they are made for schools etc and are very tough and hardwearing.......



This is the now well thumbed catalogue..

In my job, unlike in doodleland land, we have very very high standards and rules and Inspections and policies we HAVE to abide by, and one of those inspection rules is that we HAVE to have multicultral toys and equipment, depicting black people and chinese people and as many different cultures as we can incorporate into the teaching equipment of the kids in our care...we have to have black dolls and puzzles and also items showing different occupations etc .. also toys etc showing people of varying disabilities..... and so the list goes on.. oh did I forget to mention we HAVE to have books and puzzles and items to do with different religons so that the kids in my care know about all walks of life and countries and the people that live in them.... see, I told ya our rules are not like in doodleland lol.... if we dont have these things readily at hand then we dont pass our inspection....

On my last inspection when they asked about what multicultral things I had for the children I replied that I have a black friend called black Michelle that the children often see and I sometimes buy a chinky take-away on a Saturday night and I also had a draggy leg which the kids often commented upon ....... it did NOT go down to well, if fact they told me off bigtime lol, but at least I was being honest lol and certainly being myself ... I was told I needed to get some items that showed these things.... like culture and crimpleness....

So the arrival of this sales catalogue got my 'business head' turning over :)....... I had an idea and what a great idea it was lmfao....... ya see, not many people have access to these catalogues and certainly not the bog standard childminders LOL..... this was my chance....

I flicked though the catalogue with my childminder head on thinking of all the new rules that came into affect at the beginning of September, and what I KNOW many childminders would be lacking......



And this is what was making my brain go kerrr-ching lol

There was stuff that I needed for home here, and I have loads of equipment, so if even I needed it then I know for sure that other childminders would need it, and they dont have the easy route to get it like me, but now they would LOL........

So, this is what I did........ I ordered over 300 quids ($600) of items from the catalogue...remembering I was getting this 75% off so 300 quids worth was actually more like over 1000 quids ($2000) worth of stuff..... knowing I was onto a winner........ yep 300 quids worth of sales stuff lol.... I actually couldnt lose... no way no how.... it was impossible to actually lose LOL....

This is how it works..... I ordered 300 quids worth of items, from puzzles to multicultral dressing up clothes (chinky boy, african child, japenese girl), many many boxes of different play foods, chinky, japenese, italian, french playsets, little black play figures and little figures with disabilities, there was a blind figure, leg brace figure, woman with crutches and top it off an asian figure in a wheelchair which was great for two of the set categories - multicultral AND a crimple.... :) oh and some special cusions for home here.... I ordered what I needed for my own use plus tons to flog on Ebay.... I did let me matie Sharon have a butchers and order what she needed for herself as long as she only order her needs and no more.... this was MY idea and she agreed cos she was mega chufted to be able to stock up on all she needed with 75% discount...



Japenese play food set...



Froggie.. opps.... French play food set...

I knew by buying it with up to 75% off, I would at least make double if not triple what I paid.....

Three days after ordering a HUGE UPS van arrived out the front, I didnt even know we have them over here lol, and delivered the first two of 4 boxes of goodies......



This is Sprite sitting on the first of the boxes lol....

I so couldnt go wrong, ya see, ya have 30 days from receiving ya invoice before ya even have to pay, that means I would have 30 days to sell as much as I could on ebay before my bill would have to be settled....



This is the contents from the first box lol.... my sofa is 3 foot deep so you can see how many little boxes there are :)

I had ordered at least 4 of each thing I thought would sell.... and one by one I started to load them onto me ebay account.... over the past 3 weeks Ive sold 33 items and received 315 quid ($630) in money, which has now paid for all goods I had orginally ordered, so the other 43 or so items I have left is now pure profit...... some of the items sold for 4 times what I paid lol and some for at least double.... ya just type CHILDMINDER in the title and they swarm around like flies on poo :).... but get this..... the first week a couple of the items like the puzzles didnt sell as well as I wanted, dont get me wrong I STILL made money from them...... but not as much as I forsaw...... the best selling was the chinese play food sets etc....and the little crimple figures went for ridiculas amounts of money.... I paid 4 quid for the set of 4, I advertised them seperately and quadrupled me money on those alone lol good job I had/have 4 sets to flog :)........



This is one of the little figures.... that we HAVE to have within our childminding setting...

When I advertise things like this Im not so crazy with the description lol I CAN be professional as and when I so choose lol

But get this lmfao....... after a couple of weeks, I rang the catalogue up and asked if I could return some items that I realised I didnt really need......... sure they said, just box up what ya dont need/want and a bloke will come tomorrow and pick it up and we will reinvoice ya :) BINGO...... so Ive already paid off the whole invoice and still will make at least 400-600 quid ($800-1600) on the things I have still to sell.... I have 37 items still active on there this week alone and still more to put on during the coming week:)........ see I can sell sand to the arabs lol - whilst on the phone I also mentioned that the little chinese and japenese playfood sets where slightly different then in the photo in the catalogue and that even though I liked what I received I thought there would be slightly more bits..... to which she said..... let me check in the catalogue, I could hear her flicking through it and she then said, your right it is slightly different and thats not good ( I WAS MORE THEN HAPPY THOUGH) so she said, I will send you 2 more chinese sets and 2 more japenses sets to make up for the inconvenience LMFAO....... oh cripes so I have 4 more sets coming which will sell at least for 80 quid ($160)...... bring it on lmfao..... shaking me head....



These nuts and bolts look innocent enough but they are so very very educational to the younger kids... 4 different colours, 4 different shapes, 4 different sizes and only the right shape fits the right size which fits the right colour... and eye hand co-ordination to boot :)

Also, the woman opposite me whose 2 kids I just walk to school for her and for that she pays me 40 quid a week ($80) gave me a big bag of clothes and asked if they would be of any use to Sprite, as she is younger then her girl...... I tried all I could on Sprite and gave her mum all those items that fitted her, the rest of the stuff I shoved on ebay lmfao it was/is all proper makes like gap and marks and spencers and next.... they cost me nuffin, and already it looks like I will make loads on them lmfao....



Mama mia... Italian playset lmfao

I love selling on ebay and Im quite an old hand at it now with over 520 buy and sell transactions with 100% top feedback.... ya see, Im very fair with the postage and always only sell top stuff.... I could so easily make a living from ebay alone lol..... me and Colin, who is one of the nippers dads that I childmind for, have often talked at pooling our resources and just making a living from ebay lol.... we both get a buzz from it and he like me can sell ice to the eskimos.....



These threading beads shaped like fruit are just lovely, and wooden, I dont have no crap educational equipment in my house so I wouldnt sell anything crap either....

A few years back I sold a handful of little play figures that were just spare in the toybox.... they went for about 4 or 5 quid I think, and when I send the invoice to the person that bought them, I got quite a shock....... quite a shock indeed, you see, when I sell things from home, be it little toys or items surplus to need from me cupboard I ALWAYS put a witty description, I cant help it, its just me....

So when I was selling these little fairytale castle figures; king queen princess knight dragon wizard, I wrote a little story about the characters lol about how the princess wanted to marry the stableboy but the queen wouldnt allow it so she was running off to get married else where etc etc.... just stupid stuff.... well it must of caught the eye of someone very special cos the buyer not only bought the figures bur emailed me asking if I would write scripts for an animation company that he was executive animator producer on..... it was only the same company that did 'Flushed Away' and 'Wallace and Grommit'...his name is on the DVDs as one of the animators so I know it was really him..... and he sent me some wonderful photos of all the behind the screen going ons (which are all on me old computer and which I will have to get off and show ya) and loads of information, and he asked me to write little stories about different characters that he could incorporate into short animation stories........ IT COULD OF BEEN ME BIG CHANCE lol...... but I never thought I could do it..... ya see.....my father always said I was a 'GOOD FOR F'IN NUFFIN and I'D NEVER AMOUNT TO MUCH'..... so maybe he was right after all :)

When I sold some Denby plates a few months back that I no longer used but were part of a wedding gift back in 1981 lol and a very expensive gift I will add.... I knew there would be others out there with the same set with parts missing.... each plate went for about 15 quid ($30) each..... but I must of got at least 20 or more emails from people just laffing at me description lol...... I put something like 'Denby Gypsy Plater for Sale.... 1981 Wedding gift... no longer needed, seeing as how I have got rid of the husband I thought I would get rid of these plates to... but unlike my X these plates have faired much better, no cracks or chips where as he is old and decrepid and wrinkled with chips and is very much broken'....... LMFAO..... the emails I got from people just laffing at the descriptions were well funny.....

Anyways.... ya see, Im a surviver, and I always seem to be able to make money, its a knack I have..... I wish sometimes I didnt have it..... cos if things aint screwed down I will probably always think about flogging it on ebay lol......

I will shove the money I make in me travel savings account for maybe travelling to the states next year..... and Im weird cos once I put money in certain accounts I DONT take it out for any other reason then for what its in their for....

Waffling on way to much now lmfao.....boring stuff that I know no one but me is interested in lol..... but I aint bovvered.....if you have read down this far you are either mentally challenged or just plain crazy lmfao

x

Fruit and Veggies - 5 A Day......Nuts and Knockers...

Ok....... This is long and probably boring but just the funniest ending, so TRY and slog on to the bottom lol...

We eat loads of fresh veggie and fruit in our house, I cant remember the last time I bought anything that was ready made or processed.... I cook EVERY day from scratch... usually things like huge bowls of pasta or ginormous dishes of garlic chicken lasagne or shepherds pie with sweet potatoe mash topping sprinkled with cheese, or lentil and garlic mushroom gratin with stilton topping... or massive casseroles cooked all day in me slow cooker.. and Sunday roasts at least once a week and and and lol....



Homemade cheese and onion flan.. ok ok so its in a heart shape pan, just call me romantic LOL

I try to buy me veggies and fruit from farmers markets and I LOVE to buy bits and bobs off little gingam covered tables outside the cottages at Southwick where the occupants have grown the stuff in their back gardens.... I also try as best I can to use our little village greengrocers to buy some of me bits instead of the little grocery shop that sells everything, ya know the old saying 'use it or loose it' and I would hate to see out little greengrocer shop close through lack of use....



Homemade sweet potatoe and onion curry simmering away in me slow cooker....... Mmmmmmmm we are HUGE curry eaters in this house :)

Anyways..... I also everyso often order a box of organic grown veggies from Riverford, which is this company that supply right proper fresh veggies and they deliver to ya door free of charge.... they are quite expensive but, oh jebus the taste is proper, ya know, how veggies should taste....

Me last box from them though was a little disappointing, so I aint had them for a few months..........



Homemade garlic chicken lasagne..... this is to die for..



Brocolli and mature cheddar quiche.... I have to make at least 6 of these a week for various sons to take to school, college or work for lunchtime...

But, the week before last a leaflet plonked through me letter box advertising another home delivery on 5-Aday veggies and fruit....... the government over here are trying to tell people that they should eat at least 5 portions of fruit and veg aday, and to stop all the junk rubbish that people are pumping into their kids.....



My homeade Egyptian Lentil Soup bubbling away on the hob.... I could eat this every day its sooooooooo scrummie.... this was a 2 gallon pot to keep us going for a while....

Do you know, when I take me minded kids shopping, we have such fun, BUT, Im amazed at how little they know their fruit and veg, oh they know the colours but some of them aint got a clue as to what they are called....... which lead me to ask some of the parents what they actually fed their kids for their dinners..... to say I was shocked is an understatement.........

Two of the nippers whom will remain nameless only have rubbish like - chicken nuggets (NOT homemade like I make) and chips.... do you know what those processed nuggets are made of, cos it certainly aint proper chicken (sorry Janet).... its things like crunched up beak and bumholes and nostrils and ears and bones with a tiny amount of chicken meat........ and fish fingers and chips (I think doodles call them fish sticks).... well unless ya buy the expensive fish fingers they aint got much fish in them lol..... and pizza and chips and sausage and chips, and I dont mean the real proper sausages that I buy to put in Toad in the Hole, I mean they buy those pink wobbly sausages that are made of MRM which means mechanically removed meat.... which means they get a pressure hose on the carcas of the pig and pressure wash all the tiny bits of meat off the bone and the bums and ears and noses and it all ends up in a slurry sludge and then they press the water out of it and make sausages from the pink wobbly stuff..... a bit like doodle hotdogs..... ewwww

Some of these kids never see fresh veggies let alone fruit at home..... all Infant schools here give the kids 2 pieces of fruit a day at school FREE as part of our GET HEALTHY thing over here....

Anyways, people are intitled to feed their own kids whatever they choose, who am I to judge, I just know that I like to know that my lads since tiny have had the bestest in the food department that I could offer, with homemade almost everything.... dont get me wrong they have had bought pizza before but its usually a treat... and I know when they was younger kids and they wanted kids home for tea (meaning teatime NOT a cuppa tea lol) I would have to rush out and buy some rubbish food cos there is no way they, the kids they bought home, would of eaten lentil and stilton (stinkie cheese) bake.....

So, anyways....this leaflet that I found shoved through me door was for a different company touting for business with the promise of only the freshest stuff and free delivery at a time to suit YOU/me.... at great prices.... with the offer of 20% off ya first order.... so I thought I would big it a bash just to see if it was any good.... ya can have a small, medium or large box with stuff of their choosing or ya can from a list make ya own, but I plumped for just choosing a LARGE box of goodies at 20 quid ($40) not forgetting the 20% off....... I'll try anything once and I always like to give new people and small businesses a chance..... and I spend way more then 20 quid a week on fruit and veg..

So, I emailed in me order, clicked send and was emailed back saying me boxes would be delivered on Wednesday (last week) and was there any special instructions..... so instead of emailing back I rang them, sometimes I like to put a voice to a leaflet LOL.... the bloke was well nice and I told him I was in and out most of the day so if they came they would be 'knocking their nuts off at the front door' cos I would be either out or in the kitchen out the back and I wouldnt hear the door, so to just come around the back and if no one in just leave it near the back door...... simple right? :)

Well the bloke came last Wednesday and he did come around the back like I had requested and I was in and I didnt hear the door lol..... he was really smiling when I opened the back door for him to carry the boxes in, he was a really nice bloke, right proper chatty...... and mumbled something about 'you made everyone laff so hard in the office, you really made our day' I asked him why, and he just said 'check ya invoice'...and PLEASE say you will order again..... we need people like you..... and he buggered off.... I couldnt for the life of me think what the hell he was talking about.....

DISAPPOINTED WITH THE BOXES I WAS NOT........ bloody hell..... the following photos so do not do the boxes justice....



This is what was in the box, and Im sure to of forgotten something....

Fruit box..

6 oranges - bunch of banannas - plums - melon - 6 pomegranits - 6 Avocardos - 10 English Russet apples - 8 other apples - 8 pears - and a bag of the biggest black grapes Ive ever seen....

Veggie box ..

A bunch of giant tomatoes still on the vine - baby carrots with the green tops still on - bigger carrots without their tops - cabbage - onions - brocolli - butternut squash - 3 peppers - cucumber - radishes - bag of large baking spuds - bag of what we call new potatoes, those little ones for salads - celery - leeks - cauliflower - Swede - turnip - parsnips - lettuce - and I know Ive forgotten something lol

All that for 20 quid.... actually for only £15.96 cos of the discount...... mega chufted I was....

Anyways, I was curious as to what the bloke meant when he said I had made them laff in the office, I didnt understand, I had only spoken to someone for just a few minutes on the phone....

So.... I find the invoice amongst the veggies and I have a look.... OMG...... hahahahahahaha see if you can see what the bloke was laffing about....... cos it well made me laff me socks off in me kitchen after I read it....... here is the invoice.... name and address covered over to protect my identity LMFAO....



Can ya see........ can ya?... click to enlarge and look in the box under where it says 'Special Instructions'.... LMFAO...... hahahahahaha

It says - ** Please leave around by the back door if no answer from KNOCKING YOUR NUTS OFF at the front door :) **

They had taken me instructions word for word LMFAO...... I think they liked me... Jebus they like me, holy cow, someone likes me lol

Why oh why cant I just be NORMAL for once, just for one day, or even half a day LOL......

There I told you it was boring, and way to much Twaddle for a dark late Monday evening....

ps..... all the above photos are some of the things I made last week, no one died in the eating of my cooking.... or even had the squirts.... and every plate was licked clean LOL saves on the washing up I says lol....

HE grew - WE scrumped - WE laffed - HE didnt.......

Ok....... Im a bad blobber...... aint had time to scratch me bum of late.....



These nippers in me house every day are part of the reason why.....



And this mob on the noon time Infant School Pickup (I borrowed me maties car)..



An LOADS of this - speculating to accumalating.... (story for another blob maybe)..



As 3 times a week the above....

And what with the house and the garden and me chickens and cats and lizards and washing and cooking and cleaning...... and trampoling club runs and and and ......

Well, I aint really got an excuse why I aint blobbed or got around to emails or flittered around everyones blobs...

BUT, I will tell ya something that I thought was wellabit funny that happened last week......

I think by now most know that me and me twat neighbour dont really see eye to eye.... I fink he hates me LMFAO.... on saying that, he does take in parcels and things for me, ya know, ones that need signing for and cant be left around the back..... except, he dont give them to me straight away when I get home, he sometimes makes me wait a few days and then tells me he has a parcel for me.... the tosser did it last week with a parcel from the States..... I almost wrapped the dam parcel around his smug ugly fat head when he smurked at me whilst handing over the parcel 2 days late......

Anyways, he might of been trying to get his own back cos of what happened a few days previous.....

Let me explain.... me twat neighbour has an apple tree in his garden and its right next to the fence and most of the branches dangle over the fence into my garden...... its a really pretty smallish tree and it offers shade when we sit at our garden table....

Anyways, this year it had an abundance of apples...... more then ever.... maybe it was cos of the crap summer, I dont know, but I know the little tree was ladened down with big scrummy tasting apples........ and how do we know that they are scrummie, well, cos I would just reach up and pick meself an apple when I needed one.....



Example of one of the little dangling branches hanging over my side of the fence..



See, an abundance of apples :)..



A bumper crop.....

Well, the funniest thing of all was that almost all the apples on me neighbours tree were on my side..... maybe its cos the sun would rise this side or maybe it was cos the little apple tree liked me talking to the little robins that would sit in the tree in the spring, I dont really know why, but most of the crop of apples would hanging over into my garden....

As the apples started to get ripe and began to drop into my garden, Janet, Mabel and Cedric would peck them so that I couldnt use them, so I says to my Jacob last week.... hey Jacob, do me a favour will ya, climb on the garden table and reach up and pick ALL the apples that you can reach, before they all drop and become spoilt fallers.......

He said, they aint our apples mum....... I says, what dangles my side of the fence is by law mine for the picking LOL...... SOOOooo Jacob scrumped the apples and handed them to me to put in a bucket...... bloody bucketfuls we picked LOL...

I made loads of apple pies for the freezer and gave some of me maties bags of them........ and then I thought...... I stick some in a pot out on me front wall and put a FOR SALE sign on them.........

OMG I laffed and laffed until I think a bit of wee came out.......

I was putting a pot of apples out the front when me twat neighbour pulls up in his car and climbs out and gets a big box out of the boot of his car...... now, we do say hello to each other even though we both know we dislike each other immensely LOL.....

Me - Hi Dave (his name is NOT Dave but I call him that to annoy him)..

Him - Hello, and dont call me Dave, you KNOW my name is Steve..

Me - Oh yeah, I dont know why I always forget, I shouldnt cos its such a common name... (grin)..

Him - I just bought myself a pressie..

Me - Whatcha buy?

Him - A juicer...

Me - Oh we have a juicer, we dont use it much, you could of borrowed ours... what ya thinking of juicing..

Him - Well, I aint needed one before, but with all the many apples this year, I thought it would be nice to make APPLE juice...

Me - *gulp ~ taking one step to the left so he cant see what I have on me front wall*.. oh Dave, oops sorry, I mean Steve... dont think apples are good for the juicer you should go buy some strawberries or dingleberries from the greengrocers... apples aint no good for juicing...

Him - Our apples will be just fine, Her Indoors is real excited about the thought of fresh apple juice...

AND OFF HE GOES IN HIS FRONT DOOR.......... me, well, I scarper indoors as quick as I can and await the KNOCK ON ME DOOR which I KNOW WAS COMING.......

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK........ I open the door....

Me - Hi Dave, oops I mean Steve..

Him - *very red faced*... did you pick our apples...

Me - When you say 'our' you mean mine and yours right?..

Him - NO I mean Did you pick MY apples... from MY apple tree, which is in MY garden..

Me - Oh, do you mean the apple tree up this end of the garden..

Him - I only have the one apple tree..

Me - Then, no, I didnt pick them...

Him - Have all MY apples fallen off MY tree overnight and ALL fallen in your garden (said in a well sarcastic manner LOL)..

Me - well, a few did fall during the week but me chickens pecked them, I can go get them for you if your that desperate...

Him - So, where did you get the apples in the pot that you have for sale on your front wall..

Me - Apples? oh those apples...... Jacob found them...

Him - THEY ARE MY APPLES AINT THEY? YOU STOLE MY APPLES OFF MY TREE...

Me - Well, not technically, you see they have been dangling my side of the fence now for weeks and we thought you obviously didnt want them cos they had started to fall and ruin...

Him - I was waiting for them to ripen and to buy a juicer so we could pick them and now there is not one apple left on the tree.. (face bright red and getting angry)..

Me - Now Dave, thats a fib isnt it, there are a few at the top that we couldnt reach LMFAO.....

Him - I DONT THINK YOUR FUNNY...

Me - No, your right Dave, oops I mean Steve... but your more then welcome to buy a pot of them off me for a quid....

Him - looking at my front wall and noticing the pot of apples have a FOR SALE sign..... ARE THOSE MY APPLES......

Me - Well not technically, but seeing as we're neighbours you can have the pot for just 50p, thats half price...... thats well a bargain...

Him - STUFF YOUR APPLES UP YOUR ARSE... *crazy expression on his face*

Me - Oh, so they're mine now are they....... I can let you have some blackberries that I picked from the lanes.... ya can have them and the apples for a pound...



HE WENT IN HIS HOUSE AND SLAMMED THE DOOR WITH SUCH FORCE IT ALMOST COME OFF ITS HINGES....

HE grew WE scrumped WE laffed HE didnt.......... some people have no sense of humour...... I did have 4 buckets of apples on the table which I would of given him, if he wasnt so mean spirited LOL..

We did only sell 7 pots of apples lmfao not gonna get rich on those pickings are we, I wonder if I should ask him if he could train his gooseberry bushes a little nearer the fence for next year...

I think as the months and years go by he is warming to me a little, what do you think?

Enuff boring Twaddle for a dark Wednesday evening.....

x