Thursday, 21 February 2008

Pigs Are Really Cute....... oh and some Pigs Will Always Be Just That... PIGS .....

Ok...... Me matie Peanut who is a blobber and an internet matie is actually English, even though she now lives in America, when she lived in England she lived not 55 minutes away from me in a wellabit posh area lol.... aint it a small world, yet we didnt get to know each other until we bumped into each other on Bobs Blob (in me sidebar)...... anyways..... Peanut is MENTAL about pigs..... pigs of all shapes and sizes..... and I told her once that we have an Organic Pig Farm on the edge of our village, and I often take me minded nippers there to have a look.....

Sometimes we just sit in the car in the layby and wind the windows down and other times we get out and get closer, often there is a huge pig in a pen right near the road.....

Anyways, a couple of weeks ago, me and me matie thought it would kill a hour if we went out to see the pigs, cos we knew there was baby ones there and they are real cute....

What you must understand is that I am hightly, VERY, HUGELY alergic to pork or any pork based produce such as bacon ham etc and geletine..... as an adult its ok, I just watch what Im eating and touching..... its like a nut allergy and it could in certain circumstance kill me. Ive had quite a few scares over the years...and a couple of times gone into that shock that weirdos have if they eat their allergy thing, one was even in hospital when they gave me tablets that were geletine coated, and within minutes I had gone into shook, good job I was already in hospital lol... and I daren't touch bacon or a gammon and then rub me eyes or nowt or it swells like a football...... but I can actually touch a real pig, ya know pat it like a pet as long as I wash me hands after...

Sharkie was brill when we visited him in Maine during the summer, being in a mainly vegitarian household it was no problem, but we did go to a friend of his for a BBQ and the friend knew of me allergy and was real sweet and made sure there was no pork sausages etc...... he bought chicken sausages which looked sooooo scrummie cos I aint never had them before..... EXCEPT.... thank goodness for Sharkies quick thinking, he went and read the back of the packet from the sausages incase it had any pork fat included in the meat.... he was so caring...... but, the boy did good, cos the chicken sausages were incased only in bloody pork skins.... CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT...... bloody hell...... so Sharkie sort saved me bacon that day lol.....

Anyways I digress......so we parked up at the pig farm on the country lane where it is and sure enough there was loads of huge mummy pigs and lots of babies.....



As you can see the baby piggies were quite a way from the road, I think its so no one climbs over the fence and steals them......

Me matie said they was to far away to see and she dared me to climb over and go pick one up and bring it back so we could see it proper....... was she bloody mad..... but they did look so cute running around, and I mean, how hard would it be to just wander across the field and pick one of the many piglets up....

So, I climbed over the gate at the far end of the field whilst me matie and the nippers was near the farmhouse and still in the layby.... I sort of sneaked along the back hedge until I came to the first sty where there was about 15 piglets all dancing and bouncing around, I stood real still cos me matie was shouting.... DONT RUN OR THE MUMMY PIG WILL CHASE YOU AND BITE YOU..... ok she so shouldnt of said that... so now Im standing in with the pigs and god they are HUGE when they have just had piglets lol.... and the little piggies was running around me feet...... I stood so very still cos a mummy pig was staring me out..... I slowly walked further along the hedge towards where me matie was with the kids and the little piggies were sort of following me while the huge mummy pig still stared.......

Well, all was good UNTIL I bent down and grabbed one of the piggies to pick it up....... JEBUS MARY MUVVER OF WHOEVER....... it squeeled so very loud I almost dropped it..... it wiggled and squeeled and piddled all over me....... I could hear me matie laffing and laffing and shouting RUN RUN RUN..... so with that I looked at the mummy pig and she was no longer staring at me but was moving at a quick pace towards me..... thats me, holding her squeeling wiggling pissing piglet.... all I can hear is screams of RUN RUN RUN ...... so I run, well I cant actually run cos of me gimpy knee but I can bloody hobble well fast.....

So Im hobbling towards me matie as she is screaming THE MUMMY PIG IS COMING RUN RUN *lafter*...... bloody hell, Ive heard tale that mummy pigs can eat a dead human within minutes, I heard it on the telly when this pig farmer up north killed women of his village and to dispose of the evidence he threw their bodies to the pigs.... shit I dropped, nah threw the piglet down into the mud and well legged it back to me matie who was in fits of laughter.... I grabbed hold of the little wire fence that was inside the proper fence.... only to be knocked backwards onto me arse into the mud LMFAO..... the bloody mummy pig was still coming towards me and I was sitting in the bloody mud trying to get up with me gimpy knee, which aint bloody easy..... I had only grabbed the electric fence to climb over LMFAO....... DO NOT DO THAT WITH PIGGIE PISS on ya hands lol......

Me matie put her coat over the little wire electric fence while laffing so hard I thought she was gonna wet herself, and I scrambled over the electric fence and then over the proper fence onto the road........ she was laffing so much I thought I was gonna have to bitch slap her to get her out of her hysterics.... I said IT AINT BLOODY FUNNY, that pig could of eaten me alive........ yep she said, I saw that on the telly LMFAO......

My heart was pounding I was covered in mud, my knee was so very painful and I tingled all over from the shock of the electric fence and I STUNK of piggie pee LOL..... ya know when ya laff so much a little bit of wee comes out, well that was me lol I think it might of been fright though LOL

I also ripped the arse out of me jeans climbing over the barb wire fence LOL...

We stood there laffing for quite a while and the mummy pig had come right up to the fence and was giving me the evil eye.... yeah I said to her, your gonna be eaten as bacon and pork chops, so who gets the last laff...... well, she so did scare me lol... I think she was smiling at me cos she had that smurk on her face LOL



Here she is...... the evil pig lol



We did give her an apple though..... as a thank you for not eating me alive..



She also bought her maties over for back up, so we gave them apples to.....

Oye!! Oye!! we heard from the farm gate.....What the f*ck do you think your doing....... oh shit, me matie said, its the piggie farmer lol.... I think we need to go lol........ we laffed all the way home...... but jebus, piggie pee stinks to high heaven. So if you come across an organic pig farm do NOT climb over the gate and try and pick up a baby piggie, cos them mummy pigs aint to be messed with......

So PEANUT these photos are in honour of you and our friendship.... the things I do to get ya photos lol


Also today, talking about pigs lol.... if I had still been married to the tosser of an X, it would of been our 27th Wedding Annivesary today...... I remember this day back in 1981, with so much hope and love and excitement so many promises...... who would of thought aye, that it was mostly all bullshit lol - I should of know life was not going to deal me the good cards in life lol..... I infact, was actually only married 22 years technically to him, but only 20 years if ya count from when he left me and his lads without a backward glance..... it would of been easier if I had pushed him in with the pigs at the farm to eat and devour him cos, still now, he wont lay down and die.... still he is like a sceptic wart on me bum that irritates and rubs.... only this time, Im gonna pop and squeeze him once and for all....I only wish he had left years earlier.....so many wasted years... :) - cripes I dont usually spill this private stuff, so then, enuff said..... :)

So..... whilst out today getting me HUGE grocery shop I bought meself a bunch of beautiful tulips...... for me...as a pressie.... not as a reminder of what to day represents...... but as a reminder of all the lovely beautiful friends I have and to remind me what a loving caring beautiful person I truely am......



So to each of you, commenters and blurkers alike, I give you a bunch of tulips in friendship..... what? ok I know they are only cyber flowers, but I aint made of bloody money ya know, these cost me $8 lol...

ok...... way to much information in todays Twaddle lol

x

34 comments:

Mrs. Mac said...

Are you nuts? I'm laughing so hard at your antics. I hope you enjoyed your mud bath. I hope the apples you fed the pigs were organic (lol) ... not wonder mr. farmer was upset, hee, hee. Thanks for stopping by today. ;)

brentandrews said...

Pigs are cute. Sad that they taste so good (to those who are not allergic anyway).

JBelle said...

Honey, have you reviewed your personal liability insurance limits any time recently?

Book and Hook said...

Oh that is so funny! I love the way you write, it is very easy to picture what is going on. Which in a funny story like this, just makes me laugh all the harder. Beautiful tulips, and thanks for sharing them.

Casdok said...

Nuts came to my mind too! Great story and super pics!!!

buffalodickdy said...

The pig story confirms it- you are functionally insane! Like me! A video of that would have made thousands! The large pig farms around here are big! You smell them long before you see them...

Gary said...

Thanks for the piggy post. I have always adored pigs.

Lisa said...

You are a woman after my own heart, what with you piggie 'napping attempt!! I think I wet myself!

Maybe we could get a group rate at the nuthouse for silly girls who tempt fate and mother piggies!

In_spired said...

Marmite Toasty,

Thank you for your wonderful comment on my blog "For The Love of Home"! I do hope you'll re-visit. I love this post on pigs. Though we are out of the 'pig business' they have been a part of our life for many years...through the showing of stock. Hubs is a retired Agriculture Science teacher and has worked with pigs for years.

Maybe you could tell me exactly "what is marmite"?

And, though this is the first time I've visited your blog, I'll claim the tulips! They are beautiful...

Queenie said...

In-spired, get your mits of,there mine!
Marmie you are a liability, what were you thinking? Didn't you watch 'SNATCH', by Guy Richie, the gangster use to feed all his enemy's to the pigs in that, so there wasn't a trace left. Remind me how long before you appear on TV in 'CRIMEWATCH'??????

Pamela said...

Egads. My dads family raised pigs (he was born in 1900 so that was a long time ago) But he told me about a hired hand falling in a pig pen and getting chewed up badly. ouch ouch ouch. I'm glad you have no teeth marks.

That pig farmer that fed prostitutes to his pigs was up near Vancouver Canada. Well maybe his twin brother lived in England and practiced that too. Gives me the shudders.

I want to go on an adventure with you. You have toooo much fun.

toadman said...

Mmmmmm.....bacon. I could do with a bacon butty right about now...you?

Glad you got the tulips mel...you so deserve it...and you ARE loved by so many!

Akelamalu said...

Oh Lordy!

Marmie you're such a daft bugger! I notice your matie puts you up to all these things - next time tell her to do it! LOL

The tulips are lovely btw. x

Peanut said...

I'm ROFL!!!!!

You are such a daft moo!!!!! lol lol

Thanks for posting about the pigs... I LOVE 'EM! (And thanks for the 'heads up' about the post too)

I think though, because pigs are really quite cute, we should both call the ex'es "cockroaches" ... yes??

Bina said...

Holy Crap! That is the funniest thing I've read in a LONG LONG time! I am SO glad you shared this story and I swear I can just see you running from that pig! LOL

And hey, since no one really "knows" you, it's okay to share personal info. That's what blogs are for, right? Well, that's why I have one anyway!

GREAT post!

the psycho therapist said...

Tulies! My favorite! Yea!

Girl, images of you hobnobbing through mud at lightning speed is, at first, frightening (considering the condition of your knee) and, subsequently, hilarious (only in your telling).

(shaking head)
You and your antics.

They do bring a smile.

_____

ciara said...

(((mel and anyone's for a good porking with a big sausage)))the things that you do. i'm sure i would've been laughing my ass off and in the mud, too, from all the laughing!

hmmm a daft cow being eaten alive by a pig...lmfreakinao

btw i was just thinking...don't be sending me any of those damn cockles in my parcel. i only like one type of cock...els and that ain't it! lmfao

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((mrs.mac)))~ I just love farms and animals, I so should of married a farmer and not a nurseryman lol.... yikes you have apoint about the apples, I didnt think of that lol.... we always take apples or pears for the pigs... :) I likes your blob..xxxx

~((((brent)))~ yep, pigs are real cute, I always wanted to keep a potbellied pig, but alas I do not have room in me garden now...xxxx

~((((JBelle))))~ Do you think I should have some sorta insurance? lol... dam I aint got no insurance of any sort...xxxxxxx

~(((book and hook)))~ I can only right whats in me head lol I never even think what to write, it just spills out, hence the bad grammar and spelling :)... I didnt think me writing was much different to anyone elses, except most others read well posh and correct lol...xxxx

~(((((casdok))))))~ I aint nuts lol...xxxxx

~(((buffalo)))~ I aint insane either LOL... whats with you lot? :) - oh you have huge pig farms, I have heard of those unhealthy places lol and our pigs DONT smell, only when piglets piddle on ya :)....xxxxx

~((((gary))))~ hi you :) welcome to the madhouse lol - I could keep a pet pig but I dont think I could get it slaughtered....xxxx

~((((lisa))))~ :) lets make it clear, I was NOT trying to steal the piglet LMFAO.... I think sometimes me and me maties could be doing time in prison and not a nuthouse lol.... we often talk about sharing a cell and how much fun it would be LOL.... Im serious we do talk about it and so laff...xxxx

~(((in-spired))))~ your most welcome, and welcome here to this madhouse, I felt at home on your blob... scroll back and Im sure after reading some of me posts you wont be back LOL...

Marmite is heaven in a jar :).. I get through a big jar a week, alas me lads HATE it lol.... just means more for me..

Oh I would LOVE your hubby if he is a farmer LOL...xxxx

~((((queenie)))))~ see what I mean about to much of a challenge for anyone LMFAO...omg god I have watched snatch..... I so need to grow up LOL...xxxxx

~((((pamela))))~ wow for your dad..... he was a piggie man, did he use to call them in for dinner like I do with my Janet and Mabel lol....heeeeerreeee piggie piggie lol that would be me if I had pigs :)

Im sure there was a case of a piggie man here disposing of his victims to....

I do honestly try not to get into trouble, sometimes me matie Ann will pick me up with the nippers and we will go and get petrol and something will happen even in the petrol station lol and we look at each other and always say together....'it all started in the garage'... long story, but we laff so much......xxxxx

~((((((Toadie))))))~ I have just made 12 rounds of bacon butties for me lads and the 2 extra here for breakie this morning.... I do cook bacon for them, I just am careful...... and I did buy meself some turkey rashers this week, but it just aint the same lol....

and oh hush..... only Janet loves me lol.....xxxxxxxxxx

~((((ake))))~ oh my goodness, you might have a point LOL I need to change me maties :) - I love tulips, they are so beautiful - Ive been trying to comment on your post this past few days and blogger aint let me.....xxxxx

~((((Peanut)))))~ There ya are :) - see, I told ya I had photos for ya lol.... the things I do for me friends right?

Actually I like cockroaches, we need to find a better word.... maybe dungbeetle LOL.....xxxxxxxxxx

~(((((bina)))))~ well dont laff at me everyday life, thats just rude LMFAO :) - well, some do know me, I have some special maties on here, and I do share some things with them in our special room..... Believe it or not, Im quite a private person LOL..... this post aint funny compared to some I have posted.... some old ones even make me laff and think, what the hell was I up to......xxxx

~(((((((((Wendy))))))))))~ once the fear had gone it was just so funny, my sides ached more then me knee lol.... I really need to try and lead a normal life for a woman of my age LOL - but Im scared if I do, then I will just shrivel up and die....xxxxxxxxxxxx

~((((ciara any ones for a pull of a curlie pigs tail)))~ laffing is good for the soul, if I didnt have the ability to laff between the tears then there wouldnt be much left to hang around for :)

And dont be such an ungrateful cow lmfao.... you will get what ya given and like it and say 'why fanks very much Mel for the cockles they was scrummie' just dont forget to squeeze the little black spot on them, cos I always think its the bum and thats the poo LOL......xxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

ps.. ciara, I chatted with SirH last night on yahoo, its been yonks since Ive chatted on there and yonks and yonks since chatting to SirH, it was a lovely surprise all round...

Ciara and Peanut and MrGreen all need to turn on there yahooee thing now I have reinstalled it proper..... :) xxxx

Lisa said...

BWAHAHA! I'm sorry... I think if anyone tried to scoop up my Rosie just to have a closer look I'd be mad as a mommy pig too! :o)

Phil said...

Thanks for the giggles!

My kids said recently they don't want to eat as much meat. No more beef, they said. And not so much chicken. And they could even cut out the fish. But my daughter said, "But not bacon, I love bacon!"

Watch for a box in your mail soon.

Mom not Mum said...

LOL I hope you didn't rub your eye with your hand that had the pig pee on it.

Love the flowers, tulips are my favorite. There is always a reason for flowers!

Scots said...

OMG what a right bunch of dafties you and yer maties are hahahaha.

Squeak piggy squeak!!

In_spired said...

marmie:

I just had to come back and read the comments to your post! This is the most 'fun' blog I've been to...so much laughter and joshing...(well...I suppose it's joshing!...lol) It's definitely a "spirit-lifting" place to be!

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((lisa)))~ you have a real pig called rosie? dam, now I truely am jealous.... I have a kids book called 'Rosie The Pig' do ya want it? :).....xxxx

~(((phil)))~ thats it, go on, laff at me misfortunes in life lol....

Oh a box in the post :).... it better not be a box of pork chops and ya secretly trying to kill me LOL..... goodness you really shoulent of posted me anything.... well, unless its like a plane ticket to Maine or a a life supply of black licorice.... :)... fanks in advance matie..xxxxx

~(((MnM))))~ not this time :) - I did once on a school camp was incharge of the evening hotdog cooking, ya know those pink wobbly fake meat sausage things ewwwwwww, well I had a HUGE pot of about 300 of the little buggers floating around in the hot water, and it was hard to get them out without getting the juice on ones hands.... I rubbed me eye that night and was rushed to the eye hospital 30 miles away lol..... I really looked like a pig that night lol.....xxxx

~((((((scottie))))))~ we aint daft, we be normal :) - looking at your new little picture - what no dancing ginger git? but then you are really scottie superman lol...xxxxx

~(((In-Spired))))~ welcome back :) - what a nice thing to say....

Maybe I ought to tell you now so you can decide whether to come back - most of these commentaters type from Winchester Prison and Correction Centre and the rest from a Mental Institute :) lmfao.... xxxx

Mel said...

hahaha!! I am glad you didn't get eaten!

Tulips are my favorite flower :)

Cindy said...

Only you! I knew when you said you climbed over the fence into the pig yard that you had no idea what would happen if you messed with one of those babies. Angry mama pigs can be downright vicious...but I guess you know that now. Libby made the mistake of climbing into Big Mama's pen a while ago and grabbing up one of the babies. I didn't know Libby could leap quite so high or so fast as she did getting out of there. She's a good sized girl but she cleared that pen wall like an olympic athlete!
And those tulips are beautiful, but just remember to not eat the bulbs...

Inland Empire Girl said...

I love your tulips... please spring..sooon!

Peanut said...

You **really** like cockroaches?

Well, anyway.. I've been giving this some thought....

What about "dung-beetles"?

lol

Hi Mel..

Ol' Lady said...

Your too funny...
Your little visit with the piggies should have been put on video...I would have paid to see it.
Your flowers are beautiful...just like you :)

AuntieM said...

OMG this was the funniest thing I've read in a very long time, tears running down my cheeks and I hope I didn't have an accident. Thanks for the great laughs, you've made my day! If there was a running list of "Life's Lessons Learned", need to add "Don't grab an electric fence with piggie piss on your hands." That needs to be recorded for posterity.

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((mel)))~ yep I didnt even get nibbled lol...... and aint tulips just the most wonderful sign that spring is near...xxxx

~((((((cindy)))))))~ YOU have pigs? can I come live with you? lol.... and let me let you into a secret, when ya think a pig is gonna eat ya, ya can move at speed no matter what shape size colour or draggy legged person ya are :) ......xxxxxx

~((((InlandEmpireGirl))))~ we have had up to this wettish week glorious spring like weather, and yep, I loves me some tulips, but Im a little strange cos I only like them indoor and hate them growing in the garden......xxxxxx

~(((peanut))))~ aint cockroaches like them cute beatles that can fly? that we found in the shower cubicle of the bathroom when me and me now X (dungbeetle *spit) had a holiday on one of the greek islands....

ok our X's are officially from this day know as 'dungbeatles' LOL.......xxxxxxx

~(((ol lady)))~ I think I need to be buying a video camera lol me and me maties would make a forture with our outtings :) - and tis not me thats beautiful that my dear friend be you.....xxxxxxx

~(((auntieM)))~ yep NEVER grab an electric animal fence with piggie piss on ya hands lol.... handing you a tissue to wipe ya eyes and the snot from ya nose LOL.....xxxx

Go Figure said...

Out west here we shoot pig rustlers and ask questions later. there would have been no friendly 'what the f is you doing', at least before the first shot. Nice tulips though.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((Starr)))))~ I was NOT rustling pigs your honour lol.. I was merely wanting to pick up a piglet to show the nippers :)... it did not turn out the way I wanted it to LMFAO....

'out west' conjures up visions of cowboys and red indians LOL....xxxxxxx