New Boyfriend Named Ed.... I Think Its Love....

Ok....... with the job I have, I have to have a fully up to date Pediatric First Aid Certificate... which is valid for 3 years, so that means every 3 years I, along with me maties HAVE to attend further updated training.... and so back in February the call came through that it was this year to update.........

The last course we went on was intense and draining but oh my, did we have some laffs during the weeks....... we have to attend a course that was set up by Ofsted, it was for 3 hours every Tuesday evening for 12 weeks..... thats a long evening after having other peoples nippers for almost 10 hours a day......

But I was booked in with me best maties Ann and Sharon, so I KNEW it would be also much fun.......and besides, we have no choice about whether to do it or not lol

We each took it in turns to drive, it was at some centre about 8 miles away, in this really new looking building BUT in the middle of a really rough council estate.... and I aint no snob by any stretch of the imagination...... cos the council estate was the same one I grew up in until I was 14..LOL and me other two maties both being Londoners aint particulary posh themselves lol....... but, now that we have moved out of that circle of jacked up cars in front gardens and snotty nosed kids..... we do tend to joke and laff about the place LOL....

So of course, the first night we was a few minutes late....but we were not the last to arrive..... the person that was giving the training 3 years ago was right proper fun, as were the other 9 people attending..... but ya just DONT know what to expect or who the trainer is going to be or what the people from different jobs were all going to be like...... and us 3 being together are a force to be reckoned with lol....

So...... we eventually find the right building, and waltz late into the classroom, it was only like 3 minutes late, where it goes dead quiet and this real strange looking woman who was the teacher just glared at us..... so to break the ice and the tension...... I says........ oh my, Im so sorry we are late but our car was stoned on that approach road by the bloody thugs that live around here and we had to chase them and when we got back to the car, some theiving little sods had jacked up our car and nicked the wheels off it....... so we had to walk the rest of the way......this is a wellabit rough area.. I says lol.......

This woman, who I presumed to be in her 60s had a dead pan face and just said...I live just across the road...... if you would just take your seats....talk about NO sense of humour.... there actually didnt seem to be much evidence of life in her soul either...... the desks and chairs had been arranged all facing a white board, real formal, so I KNEW we was in for a sticky 12 week ride lol..... we was then arguing who was gonna sit nearest the front lmfao...... and all the time we was laffing, the rest of the boring people were dead quiet and just giving us the evil eye lol....... they made ME have the front seat lol.....

Its so hard to explain on here just what this woman was like........ she was right up her own arse of importance...... and after introductions like at an AA meeting.... she proceeded to tell us what each week would involve... and what topics we would be covering....... well some of these people in the room I most certainly WOULD NOT let loose on a sick or dying person.... talk about thick lol..... talk about dumb, I knew there was no way that some of these weirdos would get to the end of the long course, let alone pass an exam...

The woman talked in the most strangest accent, a mix of Hampshire Farmer Hog, like mine, and a sort of high pitched spazmo accent, which everytime she spoke made me laff inside so much that my whole body would shake and I would turn and look at me maties and found them doing the same.... everytime we looked at each other we got those uncontrolable giggles that we had to try and stifle lol..... and she was one of these people that had DONE everything and had attended EVERYTHING and had saved EVERYONE and had been responsible for countless life saving experiences....... as the weeks progressed we realised that much of it was just bullshit and she was one of those people that just THOUGHT she was important...... cos some of the stories she told about different things were so full of mistakes and contradiction, we just knew most of it was thats she was just one of those people that NEEDED to feel important...... OH WELL, this was gonna be soooooooo much fun lol.......

As, I said, some of these people on this course were not very bright, and just didnt grasp the basic medical knowledge, so it was hard not to say something, but bite our tongues we did..... well for the first few weeks we were model students lmfao.....

It also turned out that the teacher woman, ya know, the up her own bottom one, was no where near in her 60s but she said she was only 48....... 48 my arse lol..... there is NO WAY she was 2 years younger then me.... I would bet me house on it and sell my sons if she was telling the truth....



This is the woman, I dare not put a full faced photo of her up JUST INCASE lol but the funniest thing of all was that her name was Mabel hahahahaha and of course me chicken is called Mabel....oh my the jokes in code that me maties threw around each week was just so funny...... ya had to be there...

She also just kept on and on about different situations she had found herself in..... some were very strange and when questioned a little more indepth, she faultered and quivered with her replies so we know she was making much stuff up to sound like she was more important then she really was........ lol bless her little cotton socks lmfao



This is me matie Anne.... and this is how we spent much of the 3 hours each Tuesday night for 12 weeks...... laffing laffing laffing lol she was laffing at some comment I had just made lol

Also after each topic we covered she would ask if anyone had dealt with someone in a similar situation...... and when someone started to say about themselves she only let them talk for a couple of minutes and then she would interupt and make HER story about her situation even more unbelievable...... by week 4 it was becoming a joke lol........ and when she would ask if anyone had a tale to teill, I muttered, what I thought was under me breathe to me maties....'yeah like she gives a toss' lol she asked me to explain what I was muttering ..... she said all I heard was 'toss' and if I could explain to the group what situation I had found myself in........ well, by then, a few of the group had become quite friendly with us and seemed to be on the same level as us and the same thinking about this weird woman lol....... she made me STAND UP lmfao...... and explain what I had been muttering about lmfao.....

My brain was ticking over cos to be honest I really DIDNT wanna upset this woman, who after all was there to teach us lol....... my brain was whirling and my mind was saying think think Mel think, try and get out of this one LOL....... all the time me maties was laffing behind me lmfao....... so I told her that once my son had 'tossed' a pancake and it had landed on his face and had stuck......... IT WAS A JOKE...... but she picked up the story and went on to tell a much more unbelievable tale that involved her........ well, all I had to do was look across the room at this one bloke called Paul and he just let rip with the loudest belly laff EVER, which started everyone else off and I thought we would be dealing with a heart attack from the teacher woman where she had lost the plot LMFAO.....



This is me best matie Sharon after I had done quite a good job of bandaging her head LMFAO...note the lovely fashion statement with the kung foo look lol... first of I had bandaged her whole head like a mummy from a tomb lmfao.... we got told off LOL



I think my head bandaging was way better then the job someone had done on Ann lol

The evenings were long and boring, or maybe it was because I/we had retained all our old courses and there was not much new to learn.... or maybe it was being in the company of 'not so bright' people.... but laff we most certainly did.... especially when we had the baby dummys to work on....... ya had to shove this thing in its mouth and suss out what to do if it was choking.... well the woman shoved the plastic blockage in this baby dummies throat so hard that it was impossible to get out by the usual methods....... and I lost marks by picking the dummy up by itd leg and swinging it around me head and letting slip so that it hit the wall... she just would NOT have it that the blockage was actually dislodged, oh no, she wasnt interested in that lol....... and Sharon blew in the dummy so hard that she actually blew up the lungs and burst them lmfao...... to funny.....

We also realised that we could get away a little earlier each night IF NO ONE retold tales of incidents they had come across in emergency settings....... so we all made a pact to NOT mention things when she asked us if we had been in difficult situations with people breaking things and such....... EXCEPT........ and, oh my, my maties laffed and laffed and kicked me under the table and gave me those 'kill you if you open your mouth' looks lol.....

Ya see, when we got onto the subject of someone having a fit or a strange turn or an epileptic fit and she asked if anyone had come across this before..... I got such a kick under the table from Ann that I swear I had a bruise.... and she firmly said DONT YOU DARE lol........ ya see, I have this story that happened a few years back when me lads were members of the Navy Cadets and we was as a show with the fieldgun crew in Salisbury...... me maties know the story but they didnt want me to tell it cos we had made this pact about getting home early lol........ but I just couldnt help it....... I wanted to show that I knew what to do in that situation....... so I spoke up to explain what had happened a few years back.....

I told the class that one summer I was at Salsibury with me lads, 3 of which were memebers of the naval cadets and we were there for a fieldgun crew show, Jacob was not very old and I had taken a picnic.... and it was all spread out on a blanket, ya know a well proper picnic, right at the front of the showground so that we could watch the rest of the show whilst having lunch...... there was this man and lady standing next to us, when all of a sudden the bloke sort of fell right into the middle of me picnic knocking things everywhere.... the poor bloke was having some sort of seizure.... oh lordy, why on my picnic blanket lol....... well I do know that one has to make the area safe for the person but to just let them have their seizure, no sticking ones fingers down their throat etc..... so there's this bloke thrashing around ON MY PICNIC BLANKET.... sarnies and cakes and juices EVERYWHERE.... the wifey woman said to me...... we just have to leave him to get on with it, it will be ok......... OK, I said, he is squashing me corned beef sarnies so if you could move him slightly off me picnic we could continue with our lunch..... it was a joke ya know lol....... but when the bloke has stopped his turn, he just got up, brushed himself off and didnt even say fanks for the soft landing.... and as he walked away he had me corned beef sarnies all squashed into the back of his jumper LOL...... we had to go and buy burgers from the BBQ man lmfao........

On the last evening SHE, the woman teacher, bought in all the adult dummys.... well they was just technically a head and body, a person with no arms or legs.... they just lay there. staring, silently begging to be saved LOL........

I was given Ed.... I called him Ed cos thats basically is just what he was.... an Ed (with my hampshire accent we drop the H sound at the beginning of most words so HEAD becomes Ed LOL).... I think it was love at first site with me and Ed, he seemed to understand me, he seemed shy in my presence, cos he sure didnt say much lol



This is Ed, he was quite a kisser LOL and spent a lot of time practising my kissing techniques LOL.... oops sorry, I mean practising mouth to mouth incase I needed to give the kiss of life to someone oneday.....

I think its love.... me and Ed made a great couple, he was easy on the eye LOL and had such kissy lips.... ok so he didnt have arms and legs and he often had breathing difficulties, but he would be dead cheap at christmas, cos all one could buy him would be a hat or a scarf or the odd earing LOL...... yep..... it was love at first blow with me and Ed LOL......



This is Ann and Sharon snogging and heart pumping Eds mates lmfao........

And yes all three of us passed the course with flying colours..... there was only 5 out of 12 of us that passed.... and a few people did fank us for making the past 12 weeks such a fun more enjoyable evening and had me and me maties ever throught about doing a stage show lmfao.......

So I have a certificate to prove that Im fully qualified for the next 3 years....... just jebus help anyone that needs my assistance in a time of emergency LOL....... well, unless they fall on me corned beef sarnies, cos that Im ok with :)

I think ya just had to be on these evenings to appreciate just how much we laffed and laffed and laffed.....

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Knee update - had a bad night last night... I tried to do way to much yesterday trying to prove something and nearly came a cropper lol....... but sometimes enough is enough and ya just have to push it a little lol

Way to much Twaddling rubbish for a sunny Tuesday afternoon......

x