Bad Muvver - Piles Everywhere......

Ok..........Back in March my Tom came to me asking if I would do him a favour...... My Tom is 6'4" drop dead gorgeous and is a gentle soul...... not gentle in the sense that he lets anyone walk all over him..... I mean he is gentle around the nippers I childmind and around my maties, he is very well spoken and can be just the funniest of people.....he works hard long 10 hour days and 6 hours on a Saturday.....he loves life with a passion..... but when out apparently he can hold his own in any given situation, he reasons with words but if push comes to crunch then he can be a bit of a scrapper if all else fails...... and as legion has it...... he is a force to be reckoned with and Jebus help those that mess with him wrongly or his brothers or his maties......

This is the son that a few weeks before crimbo, I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of someone crying... not that uncontrolable crying but more a distraught deep painful crying..... I tiptoed out onto the landing to find my Tom sat halfway down the stairs with his head in his hands........ hey you, I say, whats up son...... ya see his girlfriend of 2 years had just rung him and dumped on him the phone...... this is a girl that I had let into me home for over 2 years and treated her as one of me own, even though she was the most boring brain deadhead young girl I have ever had here....... she could not hold a conversation, she hated going out, and month by month I could see her turning my fun loving chatty son into this boring moron...... but it was non of my business so I kept me council....



Tom and 'you know who' last year on this birthday..

Apparently she had been seeing someone else on the quiet, but word had got out and she KNEW that she had better finish with my Tom before he found out that she had been messing around, she apparently rang him whilst with this other bloke.... yet she was suppose to be 'out with the girls'...... and this bloke KNEW she was my Toms girl and he got frightened cos he knew that ya dont take someone elses bird especially NOT my Toms lol and he was scared of the consequences ....

Anyways I tiptoed down the stairs and sat behind my Tom and wrapped my arms around him like I use to do when he was a child...... and he sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and then we talked and talked until morning came....we sat there for hours... he just couldnt get his head around that only hours before SHE had told him she loved him with all her heart and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, yet she went out knowing she was meeting this other bloke..... I tried to explain that people like that dont care about the pain and the hurt or the lies...... and he kept saying.... but how can I ever trust what another bird ever says to me....its not that she is finished with me, he says, thats not the problem, its that SHE LIED, she lied to me about loving me and needing me and how she ached when she was not with me...... oh my.... I so knew where he was coming from....

Anyways, what Im trying to say is that, my sons can and do tell me everything...... they would even tell me if they mugged some old lady up the road.....they can discuss anything with me and know that it wont be embarrassing and I mean anything... we openly talk about anything in this house nuffin is taboo and its always been that way, and then if something important or scary comes along, they are not afraid to ask me about whatever it is thats troubling them..... cos we made this pact years ago...... when their father left....... that no matter WHAT.... they would always have to tell me the truth about things, it dont matter what they had done or hadnt done, but the truth was what must always be told, because without the truth there was nothing I could do or we as a family could do to suss and sort out any problems......... and that is why the break up with his girl was hard, cos there were so many lies and he actually said to me....... mum, the truth is all that matters... why are most people not truthful.... why do they lie to hurt others.......... so I had to tell him that usually they lie for their OWN gain.... their own ego...... to get what THEY want in life and sod those they leave in their wake.....

So....... my sons tell me everything, good and bad.... and they know no matter what I will never leave them or abandon them, I will love them unconditionally, even though at times over the past 7 years raising them alone has not been easy.....

I have also always told them that if anything medically was a worry or if they didnt understand something about their bodies then they need to ask, or if they have a wart on their stirrup pump LOL I mean ANYTHING then it needs to be asked about.... and, touch wood me lads do openly ask about different things lol........ like the time when...... OH, YOU SO DONT NEED TO KNOW THAT lol

But most of all I LOVE winding me lads up...

So, back to March lol....... see how I just go off on a different track....... just wanted to say how close we are.... Im sure there must be some little things that I dont know about, but mark my words, they also know that cos Ive lived in this village for so very long and I know hundreds of people, that eventually stuff will get back to me LOL

So just before my Tom walked out to work back in March this is the conversation we had and what happened......

Tom - Mum, could you do me a favour if your going down the shops later today..

Me - Sure, whatga want Tom...

Tom - I think Ive got a pile...

Me - A pile of what?.. clothes? well just put them in the washing basket..



Tom - Mum, Im serious..

Me - Ok, dont tell me let me guess.. a pile of dirty plates in your room, I wondered where all the bowls were... go get them and put them in the dishwasher...

Tom - MUM... rolling his eyes..

Me - No, no tom dont tell me let me try and guess...



Tom - Have you quite finished?..

Me - Nope, hang on, Im sure I'll guess it...books?..



Tom - (now standing in front of me with his arms folded across his chest, looking at me like Im some escaped lunatic...

Me - ok Tom, one more...money... you have a pile of money that your want me to change at the bank for you?...



Tom - Mum, this is real serious, I think I have a pile... ya know, a pile on me bum...

Me - (Stifling a laff) what just one pile? dont they usually come in a bunch? and what makes you think its a pile, they dont usually venture out on their own.. actually laffing at this point..

Tom - Oh its a pile alright, I looked it up on the internet LMFAO.... so when ya down the shop can you go in the chemist and get me something for it - HUGE GRIN on his face..

Me - Tom, you know what a pile is dont ya, its a giant worm that couldnt find its way home in the dark and is just hanging around until its mates come out to play... and I AINT asking for cream in the chemist, they might think its for me LOL

Tom - Please mum, its not really a worm right? LOL and I have to get to work, mum 'if you love me' you'll help me......laffing, cos it was actually a really funny conversation..

Me - Dam Tom, thats so not fair......

Off he goes to work and off I go down our village shops plucking up the courage to stop in at the chemist whilst down there... knowing that I know all the staff in there and how was I to explain that this cream was NOT for me...

When I gets in the chemist shop there is a queue of about 4-5 people in front of me, they was just standing there, elderly and infirm, probably queueing for denture cream or such like...

So I just stand there, when over the heads of the queue, Suzanne the woman that is behind the counter says, Mel, what can I do for you....... oh, these people are first I say (hoping that no one else comes in so that I can ask for Toms cream when there is no one there).... oh, its ok, she says, they are all waiting for a prescription to be sorted, so what ya after.......

One side of me brain said dam and bugger and how do I shove these people out the way to get to the front and whisper to Suzanne Toms needs..... the other side of me brain just said, dont be stupid just ask....so, having to raise me voice a little I squeek...... Susanne, he has piles.......... WHO she says AND PILES OF WHAT lol... I thought, oh here we go again lmfao..... (Suzanne has know me for over 20 years and knows me lads well, some of her kids are of the same age)..

So I keeps a dead straight face and I says......... Tom has a pile, just one, not a bunch, just a single pile, he wont let me have a look so that I can check that its a pile - not that I would even know what a pile would look like - he says there is one and not a bunch of them running riot, he has looked it up on the internet and is sure that what it is, HE has asked me to see if you have any cream for his single pile..... by now the chemist shop is oh so quiet and I could see the man infront shoulders going up and down where he was trying NOT to laff.....

I says, I told him they usually hang around in a bunch, but he is just not having it... so if you could show me where I can get whatever the hell he is suppose to use, then Im sure he will be forever grateful, cos he said it hurts to sit down LOL.......

Donuts, the man in front says through his laughter...... donuts, thats what your Tom needs....... it makes it more comfortable to sit........ so I says to the laffing man...... he only likes apple donuts and the bakery only do them on a Monday and Friday........ I thought, what the hell is he talking about donuts when my poor Tom needs pile cream......... no he says, you have to get a donut shaped cushion so the pile sits in the hole....... well by now the whole chemist shop is in a fit of laughter.......



That will be £4.95 (about $10) she says.... jebus I say, thats one expensive pile...... I paid me money and left the shop to sounds of giggles...... bloody old codgers aint got nuffin better to do with their day then take the piss out of the less fortunate lol

So when Tom gets home I toss him the bag with the cream in and says.... you owe me a fiver son and you so do not wanna know how difficult it was to get hold of.....

The following day, when Tom came in from work he gave me the cream back and said.... do you think you can take this back to the chemist and get me fiver back.... so I says...... but ya have used it Tom..... well, he says, only once and then me pile was no more........ shut up I says, one dab and ya pile is gone........ well, he says, all sheepish...... actually I think it was just a spot.........

JUST A BLEEDIN SPOT....... I went through all that for just a spot..........

I wish me lads didnt share things with me LOL Ive changed me mind on tell it all and sharing everything....... in future I DONT WANNA KNOW......

I hunted his bedroom to try and find the cream to get a real photo, but alas all I found was piles of clothes and plates and books and money....... Im a Bad Muvver there are Piles Everywhere....

Why do I have that song in me head *I can see for piles and piles and piles* or is that 'miles' :)

Anyways, way more then enough boring Twaddle for a Tuesday evening where Im knackered beyond knackered and all Ive fit for is the knackers yard :)...

x

ps..... my Tom at the time of the break up with his girl, he thought it was the end of the world and no matter how gently a I told him that he was young and he deserved to be loved proper by someone that was genuine and fun and strong etc... it didnt believe it...... I told him its when ya get to my age thats when things in the relationship stakes can look bleak....... anyways......... he has been going out this this beautiful, intelligent, clever girl for the past few months, she is funny and bright and is training to be an accountant...... my Tom is actually alive once again...... and when he bought her around last night, he was beaming just beaming, it made my heart sing for him......