Monday, 10 September 2007

MAINE - I Left A Bit Of Me Heart In Maine - If You Find It Keep It Safe.... Part I


Ok............ Well..... as you probably know, I, well, me and me youngest son Jacob have been back from Doodleland just over a week.....did we wanna come back.... hell NO..... did we wanna stay there forever.... hell YES... but back we had to come, and NO they didnt ask us nicely to leave the country..... :)- well, not this time...

I didnt really have any plans as such as what to do with the last 3 weeks of our school summer holidays, I thought about nipping down to Cornwall so me lads could surf, but I didnt this year really fancy camping, what with me gimpy knee and all...... and then an offer that I just couldnt refuse...... ok ok well I did to begin with lol...... but I can be bought with promisies of a baseball game and cardboard grub, and an antique bed, and no cooking or cleaning for over a fortnight ;)...... me dear special matie Sharkie said, just shove some bits in a bag and fly over, you can come and spend the rest of the summer here in Maine with me and me nippers....... so, we bit the bullet and thought, what the heck, why not, sod what anyone thinks....... so thats what we did...... ya see, Im never one to plan anything, I get a thought in me head and I just act on it....... so with only 4 days notice, and with our new passports only turning up 3 days to take off, I booked a couple of flights whilst at me best maties house for a coffee lol and shoved some bits in a bag, and waving goodbye to Janet and rain swept England off we flew into the unknown, clutching me gold visa card as me safety net....... :) ya know, just incase they hated us LOL


This is Janet just before the taxi came...... I think she was saying...... I will miss you...

You must understand that I DONT fly to well...... I usually grab the arm of the person sitting next to me and close me eyes.... but this time cos of me gimpy knee and JUST INCASE, I thought I would fly as a gimp and take me crutches with me...... Jebus..... I wanna be a cripple when flying like forever, cos they put ya in the front of any queues and help ya with ya cases and ya get bulkhead seats, and ya get to get on the plane first if ya wish..... them dam cripples get all the breaks in life..... so next time I/we fly we are ALL gonna take crutches etc :)....we will be the crutch family.... LOL thats crutch NOT crotch......

And cos my Sam decided not to come, I thought sod the expense, we will fly with Virgin Atlantic and just fly direct, that way there would be no pussyfooting around and getting lost in some other doodle airport...... oh my, I do not think I will ever fly to the states again where ya have to change planes in some godforsaken backwater..... I will ALWAYS fly direct....

Me and Jacob thought that when Sharkie met us at Boston airport we will be in disguise LMFAO....... so I was sporting a tash and Jacob was sporting a goatee LMFAO...... I thought it would break the ice and make Sharkie smile LOL


So after 9 hours on a plane, knackered and hot and slightly insane.....and sweaty lol

This is Jacob and his goatee LOL not bad facial hair for a 14 year old lol...


Who the bloody hell is that mexican?..... and whats with the mad maud hair? oh its where her glasses are shoved on top of ya head LOL - see there was many people sporting tashs and beards that day :)

Oh my though, you should of seen us the other side of the custom doors trying to stick on the beards etc....... the looks we got from security LMFAO....... we was sooooo giggling, Im surprised we didnt get arrested....... I felt like the bearded lady LMFAO....I have light sort of hair and me tash was jet black LOL.. what a sight we must of looked as we walked through those doors at the airport to be faced by loads of people waiting eagerly for their loved ones LOL...... we spotted Sharkie and all I heard was HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA then huge hugs and kisses all round......... WE HAD LANDED and it felt good and it felt safe and it was like a glove....... :)

So a 2 hour ride on the wrong side of the road and we arrived at Sharkies house...... Jebus, and what a house.....180 years old or something like that, so many rooms, my little house would fit 3 times into Sharkies garage lol and the most beautiful 180 year old barn that is to die for......... but more importantly WHAT A WONDERFUL LOVELY BEAUTIFUL AMAZING WELCOMING FAMILY we walked into....... they took my breath away with the welcome we received........ I mean, can you imagine, these 2 strangers, The English, arriving on ya 'space' that ya didnt know from adam.... I thought it was gonna be a bit awkward and uncomfortable.... but nope....... it felt good, it felt right, it felt like home......


This photo just so doesnt do the house any justice.... this is the back of the house, and I couldnt fit it all in.....


Again the picture is crap compared to the real thing....... I would of happily lived in the beautiful old barn..... just give me a sleeping bag and I would be as happy as a sunbeam....

How you doodles drive on the wrong side of the road I will never understand.... never........ but all the drive from Boston to Sharkies home, I gazed in wonderment at all the different sights, I felt like a kid for the first time discovering a new world...... it was just so different....... and jebus, your motorways are so dam straight and boring lmfao.......


Jacob instantly fell in love with Sharkies dog...... and I think the dog loved my Jacob from the outset.......

And Jebus, how hot was it lol, I thought someone had turned a tap on me head...... it did take us a couple of days to get use to the heat and to get over jetlag, and then we was raring to go....... come on Sharkie......SHOW US YOUR WORLD......

I got so excited one trip into town... when I spotted these coppers on the side of the road......


I thought this might of been something well good, I was waiting for the coppers to pull out their guns and lob the bloke in the white t-shirt on the bonnet of the cop car, just like Ive seen on the telly....... I was telling Sharkie to SLOW DOWN so I could watch..... and he just laffed at me...... dam, I might of missed something well good lol.....

And whats with them daft traffic lights dangling over the road LOL... what the hell is that about, except being right daft LOL

Taking about roads...... how come your roads are so bloody wide, even in little towns etc..... whats with that...... well dangerous..... and especially dangerous when ya look the wrong way when crossing the road and almost get hit by some lorry driver as he blasts his horn at ya LOL......

So, Sharkie had to go to his office, and he suggested we wander around Portland and explore the streets and the harbour and places....and we would meet up in a few hours... ok, we could do this, we dont need no Sharkie doodle to hold our hands in the strange city LOL..... so we wandered around the top part of town first and watched people cross the road...... well when I say cross the road, they sort of just walk out and the cars stop...... we tried it once and nearly got run over, until some nice doodle suggested that we actually cross the road at the alloted crossing points near the traffic lights LMFAO..... so we watched and then tried it ourselves..... and sure enough the traffic sort of knew and they stopped and let ya cross......

Well......... let me tell ya...... when ya cross the road down the bottom part of town, down near the seafront, the harbour, along Commercial street, its a different kettle of fish.......... and oh how this woman NEARLY GOT ME KNUCKLE IN THE SIDE OF HER MEAN MOUTHED HEAD lol...... let me explain........ we, by lunchtime had found our way down the side streets of town to the harbourside and was watching the boats and deciding what to do for lunch, when Jacob spied a shop across the hugely wide road and asked if we could cross over and have a butchers..... so, by now, Im an expert on doodle road crossing and I suggested that we cross at the traffic lights........ cos we had already tried a couple of times to cross the road just anywhere and nearly died in our atempts LOL -Shhhhh dont tell Sharkie lol....... so we walked to the lights and with newfound confidence we started to walk out into the road ....... horns blasting and pedestrians shouting...... so we scarper back to the pavement and I turn shaking cos we just faced death by lobster lorry lol...... Jacob, I dont get it, up the top of town people just step out and the cars stop...... he said..... yep they did....... so I says........ do you think down here its different....... I was talking to my son, NO ONE ELSE...... when this doodle woman, who looked more like 'mutton dressed as lamb' started going off on some sort of rampage to me face...... DONT YOU KNOW ANYTHING are you stupid, YOU HAVE TO PRESS THE button to cross the road....I should of just bitch slapped her there and then and be done with it lol.... so I says....... are you talking to me? looking over me shoulder just incase there was someone behind me....... yes, she said, Im talking to you, are you an idiot, you have to press the button to cross you cant just step out in the road, and she was swearing and really going for it...... and how proud of me you will be, cos instead of just getting her in a headlock and giving her a knuckle to the side of her temple and throwing her to the floor and putting the boot in....... I just smiled sweetly at her and then blank stared and I then started to make a sort of retarded noise........ which must of made her son think that I was really retarded cos he then started on the piece of 'mutton dressed as lamb' whom I presume was his mother..... he was saying, oh mom, not every road has a button to cross and he was sooooo embarrassed for his mother and smiled at us and apologied....I by now was actually dribbling, I had got right into the part of a simpleton... oh how cool I was..... actually I was in total shock as to this womans behaviour....... and when we crossed the road and bought an ice-cream to calm down, me and Jacob said that if we saw her in town as we wandered around the streets and shops that he would rugby tackle her and I would headbutt the cow LOL......... thank the lord we never come across her that day, cos we was paranoid and ever piece of 'mutton dressed as lamb' we saw we looked at each other and said....... is that her?...... now funny it would of been if we had rugby tackled the wrong woman to the floor.......LOL.......maybe outside that dunking donut place lol....


These are the ice-creams we needed to calm down with lol we have NEVER had or seen such ice-creams before in our lives...... I couldnt eat all mine and had to dump it in a bin lol......


We was talking to this copper who had just watched us nearly get run over lol...... he was really nice..... I asked him to keep his eyes open for a woman that looked like 'mutton dressed as lamb' wearing a green top that was suitable for a 14 year old and not a 58 year old, cos she had been shoplifting LOL...... he said, he would keep his eyes open........ now that will teach the old cow LOL......

We wandered back to Sharkies offices up the top of town and fank goodness he had finished what he needed to do and we headed back home, but I kept me eyes peeled for the piece of mutton...... she was the first and I will add the ONLY rude doodle we came across in our time in the States.......

I think many got comfused with our accents though, we got....... are you Irish? nope I would say...... Im from England....... I did feel a little mean one day, cos we was in this grocery shop getting some bits of cardboard for dinner with Sharkie and the woman on the til said...... oh your accent where do you come from, is it London, or something like that..... to which I replied....... yes Im from England and then I said, the queen is my Auntie......... oh my...... this poor woman really believed me LMFAO...... ya pay peanuts ya get monkeys working in these places....... lol

ok........ more then enuff Twaddle for Part I........



Anonymous said...

YYYYAAAAYYYYY!!! You're back!!! BTW - I graduated high school in Maine - Falmouth to be exact. I'm going to take some time tonight and really read this but I'm at work right now. Just so glad to "see" you!!!!

Your other chicken,


JBelle said...

Brilliant! As usual!

Lora said...

I'm glad you had such a wonderful time..I'm looking forward to reading more !! Welcome home and when ya gonna come over permanently ? :-)

... said...

YAy!! A picture of someone who may or may not be Marmy!!!

HA! Sounds like you had a wonderful time.

susan said...

There you are! Mustache and all. You look fabulous darling, just fabulous. (One piece of advice, ya know they have cream's and such for unwanted facial hair.)

I am so glad you had a good vacation. I was afraid you were going to spend all that money and then have a bad time and really regret it. I was worried. But the fact that you had a marvelous time puts me at ease and makes me want a vacation.

Yeah, our portion sizes, including ice cream, are way overboard. I went to Paris when I was a teen, and I remember buying an ice cream and thinking, "What the heck is this. This is only three bites full. Stingy french." of course they were all fit and trim and we are, well, we are not all fit and trim. Ha.

Glad to see ya back writing. I was checking back everyday.

Now I want to see a picture with Sharkie in it.

Hee Hee

Carol Woolum Roberts said...

Such a wonderful story as usual. Can't wait for Part II. Good to have you back. Loved the facial hair.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you got to see a real country. Too bad it wasn't before the Bush era. BTW, Doodles were actually British homosexuals who hung around the Macaroni Club taking hot baths, talking fashion, and doing those other things that pasty Brits do.

Glad your trip was safe.



The Ferryman said...

Whew! Quite a tale. I want to travel with you!

Pam said...

(((mel anyones for a street crossing button)))good to see you back. ya had everyone worried. scots was ready to tempt you with his plums
which is a bit scary to say the least lol can't wait for part 2 of 'typical mel' story lmao :) xoxo

Jen said...

I can't tell you how happy I am to read your story. I've missed the laughs and you didn't disappoint! So glad you had a good time and I can't wait to hear more.

(I mentioned my moose blog on one of your older posts. Be sure to check it out when you get a chance.)

Jen said...

Here's where you'll find the moose.

Catch said...

Oh Marmy, Im glad you had such a wonderful time!! Im sorry that old cow was rude to you...Ill be on the lookout for a woman who looks like a mutton and Ill blast her for ya! lol. Sweety...we dont drive on the wrong side of the guys We have always drove on the right side of the road!!! sounds like you had such a fun visit!! I bet Janet was lonely without you.

Queenie said...

What you like?? Mind you well done on not decking her, told you anger managment class would help!!!
Fancy saying we were related (ARE WE?), did you get a better cut of meat though, if you did its ok to wind them up.
Seriously its great to have you back and I'm so pleased you both had a good time, also I've not gone abroard cos of the walking sticks, but you've tested the way for me so next year I might be the one in the queue with you......

Melody Ann Ross said...

You eat cardboard for dinner? That's sick!

Welcome back to the blogosphere!

Mom not Mum (Sandy) said...

LOL Glad you made it safely across the street - and the pond. America isn't so nice as to have signs painted on the streets telling you to LOOK LEFT when you're crossing though.

Kati said...

ROFL OMG it looks like y'all had a blast!!!! Thanks for the update!!!! Man, Portland Maine is one place I've been dyin' to see for at least 12 years now. Has something to do with their big-ass lighthouse. *wink* What fun, and thanks for the pics, and glad you didn't get arrested on your visit, for tackling & beating the crud out of some middle-aged Britney-wanna-be. Oh, and LOVING the pics of you & Jacob!

Akelamalu said...

Sounds like you fun, apart from the old trout - but you handled that pretty well! :)

Scots said...

I am sooo jealous!!! Your trip sounds totally fabby!!! I am trying to read and keep getting wee messages popping onto my screen "message from Marmite" .. PMSL .. 'Land of Hope and Glory' hahahaha - LMFAO "suck and not blow" .. I'll not tell them anything if you don't :o) rofl

Oi ... Ciara .... you slagging off my plums??? hahahaha

Your Friend said...

How do they/we/me/I drive on the wrong side of the road?

Well, Mel.. if it's me, it's with a bucketful of concentration.

/sigh I admit, the other night I was worn out, and came out to the car when I left work.. wasn't concentrating as I should've been, and got in to the car.

On the English side of the car.

Girl... have you ever got into a car, gone to put your key into the ignition, and wondered out loud..

"What the Hell is the steering wheel doing over there?"


Well, I really did wake myself up by laughing! Got out of the car, feeling like a right royal twerp..and got home safely in the end.. wrong side of the car..wrong side of the road.. lol

Spilling Ink said...

How is it that a lady can still look pretty, even with a moustache? Mel, I am thrilled that you went on this trip. I can just picture the thing with the rude woman at the crosswalk. Too funny. I'll be stopping in for part two. Welcome home, friend. :-)

Anonymous said...

I just can't stop smiling at your bravado, courage.

(and at, with, that photo of the Mexican)


Proud of you, girlie.


MarmiteToasty said...

~((InterplanetChicken))~ goodness, my, well I never.... I know Falmouth very well now ;),, what a small world......xxxx

~(((JBelle)))~ you so make me smile, its hardly brill, its just ramblings....xxxx

~((lora)))~ oh there is sooooo much more, and soooo different from 2 years ago ;)...... hush will ya... I doubt I would be allowed to stay in the states lol.... I think I would have to marry some dam doodle to do that, and who the hell would want me .. lol......xxxx

~((Toadie))~ LOL.... nah, thats some dam mexican that was well up for a laff.....xxxx

~(((Susan)))~ not you to :).... well some of me holiday was so very emotional, but jebus, will all stay with me a lifetime... I was so gobsmacked by portion sizes lol and jebus a chicken wrap for one would of fed me and Jacob for 2 meals lol, time to save now for me next trip :).....xxxxx

~((SilverValley))~ yeah them mexicans are like those dam Europeans, hair sprouting from everywhere.... xxxx

~(((((Pigs))))) so nice to see you :) - well it sure was a well proper country.... so Ive done the top middle (2 years ago) and now the top right, where next?......xxxx

~((((MrFab)))~ Bowing to you :) - you SO dont wanna travel with me unless ya wear ya depends LOL....xxxxxxx

~(((Ciara anyones for a 5 minute stint on a street corner)))~ Oh shut up with the worried, I aint had time to scratch me bum since coming back..... I read Scotties blob lmfao AND commented..... its innocient what I typed its just EVERYONES dirty minds you.....xxxxxx

~(((jen)))~ me life AINT suppose to be funny ya know.... gawds sake... I'll pop over this evening and try and catch up with you and everyone else.....xxxx

~((((Catch)))~ nope YOUR WRONG lol.... we drive on the correct side..... yeah she was a right proper cow, but I kept me cool whilst inside me head I was being a right fishwife LOL.......xxxxxx

~(((MelodyAnn)))~ hehhe thats also my name :) - cardboard munchers is me term of endearment for vegans and veggetarians :) ya should know me by now with me daft names for everything.......xxxxxx

~((((mNm)))~ we made it by the skin of our backsides about 4 times..... lol ...... it was almost 'death by lobster lorry' :)....xxxxxxx

~((((kati)))~ Portland Maine is beautiful.... and yep many tall strong lean lighthouses with a beacon eye on the top, but there was only one that I so loved ;) LOL - I can just imagine this mutton woman daring to say something like that if I was with me maties LOL.... jebus we would of ripped her to pieces with our wit :) - but I was just a tealeaf out of me teabag and Jacob didnt know the routine when me and me maties come across shitheads lol......xxxxxxx

~(((ake))))~ I'll try and put up somemore tomorrow..... it was great...... xxxxx

~((((Scottie))))~ oh shut it, you aint jealous, gawds sake, its just a little holiday... I aint had one days break in 2 years, so shut up :) - and hehehheheheh how could I NOT do a reply on your blob... its just your dirty mind LOL.....xxxxxx

~((((Peanut))))~ LOL you do that 'still' ? hehehehe.... I did almost everytime we was going out in the car go to get in the wrong side..... and Sharkie refused to let me drive LOL.... I dont see why though.....xxxxxxxx

~(((Lynn)))~ you wait till that amexicon is old though.... she already looks like the back end of a bus..... wish I could of gone shopping with you.... me and Jacob HATE shopping but jebus did we laff.....xxxxx

~(((Wendy))))~ oh hush..... its like hello/goodbye :).....laffing with you like a mental patient lol ...... xxxxxx

B.R.M said...


Ice cream is a food group in our house!

Welcome back to blog world.

TN Becky

Anonymous said...


"Interplanet Chicken"!!!!!!!!

I read this whole post with such joy. You even made my husband laugh in a few places and he isn't a blob-man. But I read to him and he laughed - especially when you told the cop that that old hag had been shoplifting!!! I am so sorry you had to run across such a creep. She was probably off her meds. LOL

BTW - did you see that huge, white floating seafood restaurant down on the waterfront called Dimillo's? That was my first job. I worked there all though high school.

You know, Sharkie, we should totally have a chat! I never realized you were from Maine!

Anonymous said...

A favorite song...

Lucinda Williams, I Lost It

I think I lost it
Let me know if you come across it
Let me know if I let it fall
Along a back road somewhere
Money can't replace it
No memory can erase it
And I know I'm never gonna find
Another one to compare
Give me some love to fill me up

Give me some time give me some stuff
Give me a sign give me some kind of reason
Are you heavy enough to make me stay
I feel like I might blow away
I thought I was in heaven
But I was only dreamin
I think I lost it
Let me know if you come across it
Let me know if I let it fall
Along a back road somewhere
Money can't replace it
No memory can erase it
And I know I'm never gonna find
Another one to compare


I just wanna live the life I please
I don't want no enemies
I don't want nothin if I have to fake it
Never take nothin don't belong to me

Everything's paid for nothing free
If I give my heart
Will you promise not to break it
I think I lost it
Let me know if you come across it
Let me know if I let it fall
Along a back road somewhere
Money can't replace it
No memory can erase it
And I know I'm never gonna find
Another one to compare
Money can't replace it
No memory can erase it
And I know I'm never gonna find
Another one to compare



MarmiteToasty said...

~((((brm)))~ yep, it is in this house with me lads to....... ya cant beat homemade ice-cream though :)......

My Jacob found it strange whilst in the states that a 'pudding' or 'afters' or a dessert as you would call it, was not 'just a matter of course' after having dinner lol...... either like a proper pudding with lashings of custard or a muller fruit corner yogurt or fruit salad...... OR ICE-CREAM.... but then that lad does have a sweet toof.....xxxxxx

~((((InterplanetChicken)))) ~ oh I happy that your 'old man' found my life so bloody funny, it AINT suppose to be funny ya know..... gawds sake....

and oh my YES, I saw the tattie old tin ferry that was a seafood grub place, parked on the side of the dock...... :)....... me, Im an expert on Portland now ya know....... and you so should have a word with sharkie.... :)......xxxxx

~((((((((Wendy))))))))~ Yup YUp YUP .........sighhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! .......xxxxxxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

((((( M )))))

As usual, you make me smile... so happy for you my ((( friend )))

what's this you say?????
" I think I would have to marry some dam doodle to do that, and who the hell would want me .. lol......xxxx"

Is this going to be something to keep our eyes wide open about? ;-)

Love you,
* gazey *

OrdinaryShark said...

Cripes Mel, I haven't even put in a comment yet and part @ is up. Sigh. Afters really are more common that Jacob got to see, really. It's just that he was hanging out with a bunch of cardboard munchers!
Thanks ever so much for coming over and gracing us with your visit!

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((Gazey)))~ I think Im to much of a challenge for anyone to take on LOL....... and WHATS your big secret?........ love you to........xxxxxxx

~((((((((((((((Sharkie)))))))))))))))~ love always......xxxxxx