MAINE - I Left A Bit Of Me Heart In Maine - If You Find It Keep It Safe.... Part I

PART I

Ok............ Well..... as you probably know, I, well, me and me youngest son Jacob have been back from Doodleland just over a week.....did we wanna come back.... hell NO..... did we wanna stay there forever.... hell YES... but back we had to come, and NO they didnt ask us nicely to leave the country..... :)- well, not this time...

I didnt really have any plans as such as what to do with the last 3 weeks of our school summer holidays, I thought about nipping down to Cornwall so me lads could surf, but I didnt this year really fancy camping, what with me gimpy knee and all...... and then an offer that I just couldnt refuse...... ok ok well I did to begin with lol...... but I can be bought with promisies of a baseball game and cardboard grub, and an antique bed, and no cooking or cleaning for over a fortnight ;)...... me dear special matie Sharkie said, just shove some bits in a bag and fly over, you can come and spend the rest of the summer here in Maine with me and me nippers....... so, we bit the bullet and thought, what the heck, why not, sod what anyone thinks....... so thats what we did...... ya see, Im never one to plan anything, I get a thought in me head and I just act on it....... so with only 4 days notice, and with our new passports only turning up 3 days to take off, I booked a couple of flights whilst at me best maties house for a coffee lol and shoved some bits in a bag, and waving goodbye to Janet and rain swept England off we flew into the unknown, clutching me gold visa card as me safety net....... :) ya know, just incase they hated us LOL



This is Janet just before the taxi came...... I think she was saying...... I will miss you...

You must understand that I DONT fly to well...... I usually grab the arm of the person sitting next to me and close me eyes.... but this time cos of me gimpy knee and JUST INCASE, I thought I would fly as a gimp and take me crutches with me...... Jebus..... I wanna be a cripple when flying like forever, cos they put ya in the front of any queues and help ya with ya cases and ya get bulkhead seats, and ya get to get on the plane first if ya wish..... them dam cripples get all the breaks in life..... so next time I/we fly we are ALL gonna take crutches etc :)....we will be the crutch family.... LOL thats crutch NOT crotch......

And cos my Sam decided not to come, I thought sod the expense, we will fly with Virgin Atlantic and just fly direct, that way there would be no pussyfooting around and getting lost in some other doodle airport...... oh my, I do not think I will ever fly to the states again where ya have to change planes in some godforsaken backwater..... I will ALWAYS fly direct....

Me and Jacob thought that when Sharkie met us at Boston airport we will be in disguise LMFAO....... so I was sporting a tash and Jacob was sporting a goatee LMFAO...... I thought it would break the ice and make Sharkie smile LOL



So after 9 hours on a plane, knackered and hot and slightly insane.....and sweaty lol

This is Jacob and his goatee LOL not bad facial hair for a 14 year old lol...



Who the bloody hell is that mexican?..... and whats with the mad maud hair? oh its where her glasses are shoved on top of ya head LOL - see there was many people sporting tashs and beards that day :)

Oh my though, you should of seen us the other side of the custom doors trying to stick on the beards etc....... the looks we got from security LMFAO....... we was sooooo giggling, Im surprised we didnt get arrested....... I felt like the bearded lady LMFAO....I have light sort of hair and me tash was jet black LOL.. what a sight we must of looked as we walked through those doors at the airport to be faced by loads of people waiting eagerly for their loved ones LOL...... we spotted Sharkie and all I heard was HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA then huge hugs and kisses all round......... WE HAD LANDED and it felt good and it felt safe and it was like a glove....... :)

So a 2 hour ride on the wrong side of the road and we arrived at Sharkies house...... Jebus, and what a house.....180 years old or something like that, so many rooms, my little house would fit 3 times into Sharkies garage lol and the most beautiful 180 year old barn that is to die for......... but more importantly WHAT A WONDERFUL LOVELY BEAUTIFUL AMAZING WELCOMING FAMILY we walked into....... they took my breath away with the welcome we received........ I mean, can you imagine, these 2 strangers, The English, arriving on ya 'space' that ya didnt know from adam.... I thought it was gonna be a bit awkward and uncomfortable.... but nope....... it felt good, it felt right, it felt like home......



This photo just so doesnt do the house any justice.... this is the back of the house, and I couldnt fit it all in.....



Again the picture is crap compared to the real thing....... I would of happily lived in the beautiful old barn..... just give me a sleeping bag and I would be as happy as a sunbeam....

How you doodles drive on the wrong side of the road I will never understand.... never........ but all the drive from Boston to Sharkies home, I gazed in wonderment at all the different sights, I felt like a kid for the first time discovering a new world...... it was just so different....... and jebus, your motorways are so dam straight and boring lmfao.......



Jacob instantly fell in love with Sharkies dog...... and I think the dog loved my Jacob from the outset.......

And Jebus, how hot was it lol, I thought someone had turned a tap on me head...... it did take us a couple of days to get use to the heat and to get over jetlag, and then we was raring to go....... come on Sharkie......SHOW US YOUR WORLD......

I got so excited one trip into town... when I spotted these coppers on the side of the road......



I thought this might of been something well good, I was waiting for the coppers to pull out their guns and lob the bloke in the white t-shirt on the bonnet of the cop car, just like Ive seen on the telly....... I was telling Sharkie to SLOW DOWN so I could watch..... and he just laffed at me...... dam, I might of missed something well good lol.....

And whats with them daft traffic lights dangling over the road LOL... what the hell is that about, except being right daft LOL

Taking about roads...... how come your roads are so bloody wide, even in little towns etc..... whats with that...... well dangerous..... and especially dangerous when ya look the wrong way when crossing the road and almost get hit by some lorry driver as he blasts his horn at ya LOL......

So, Sharkie had to go to his office, and he suggested we wander around Portland and explore the streets and the harbour and places....and we would meet up in a few hours... ok, we could do this, we dont need no Sharkie doodle to hold our hands in the strange city LOL..... so we wandered around the top part of town first and watched people cross the road...... well when I say cross the road, they sort of just walk out and the cars stop...... we tried it once and nearly got run over, until some nice doodle suggested that we actually cross the road at the alloted crossing points near the traffic lights LMFAO..... so we watched and then tried it ourselves..... and sure enough the traffic sort of knew and they stopped and let ya cross......

Well......... let me tell ya...... when ya cross the road down the bottom part of town, down near the seafront, the harbour, along Commercial street, its a different kettle of fish.......... and oh how this woman NEARLY GOT ME KNUCKLE IN THE SIDE OF HER MEAN MOUTHED HEAD lol...... let me explain........ we, by lunchtime had found our way down the side streets of town to the harbourside and was watching the boats and deciding what to do for lunch, when Jacob spied a shop across the hugely wide road and asked if we could cross over and have a butchers..... so, by now, Im an expert on doodle road crossing and I suggested that we cross at the traffic lights........ cos we had already tried a couple of times to cross the road just anywhere and nearly died in our atempts LOL -Shhhhh dont tell Sharkie lol....... so we walked to the lights and with newfound confidence we started to walk out into the road ....... horns blasting and pedestrians shouting...... so we scarper back to the pavement and I turn shaking cos we just faced death by lobster lorry lol...... Jacob, I dont get it, up the top of town people just step out and the cars stop...... he said..... yep they did....... so I says........ do you think down here its different....... I was talking to my son, NO ONE ELSE...... when this doodle woman, who looked more like 'mutton dressed as lamb' started going off on some sort of rampage to me face...... DONT YOU KNOW ANYTHING are you stupid, YOU HAVE TO PRESS THE button to cross the road....I should of just bitch slapped her there and then and be done with it lol.... so I says....... are you talking to me? looking over me shoulder just incase there was someone behind me....... yes, she said, Im talking to you, are you an idiot, you have to press the button to cross you cant just step out in the road, and she was swearing and really going for it...... and how proud of me you will be, cos instead of just getting her in a headlock and giving her a knuckle to the side of her temple and throwing her to the floor and putting the boot in....... I just smiled sweetly at her and then blank stared and I then started to make a sort of retarded noise........ which must of made her son think that I was really retarded cos he then started on the piece of 'mutton dressed as lamb' whom I presume was his mother..... he was saying, oh mom, not every road has a button to cross and he was sooooo embarrassed for his mother and smiled at us and apologied....I by now was actually dribbling, I had got right into the part of a simpleton... oh how cool I was..... actually I was in total shock as to this womans behaviour....... and when we crossed the road and bought an ice-cream to calm down, me and Jacob said that if we saw her in town as we wandered around the streets and shops that he would rugby tackle her and I would headbutt the cow LOL......... thank the lord we never come across her that day, cos we was paranoid and ever piece of 'mutton dressed as lamb' we saw we looked at each other and said....... is that her?...... now funny it would of been if we had rugby tackled the wrong woman to the floor.......LOL.......maybe outside that dunking donut place lol....



These are the ice-creams we needed to calm down with lol we have NEVER had or seen such ice-creams before in our lives...... I couldnt eat all mine and had to dump it in a bin lol......



We was talking to this copper who had just watched us nearly get run over lol...... he was really nice..... I asked him to keep his eyes open for a woman that looked like 'mutton dressed as lamb' wearing a green top that was suitable for a 14 year old and not a 58 year old, cos she had been shoplifting LOL...... he said, he would keep his eyes open........ now that will teach the old cow LOL......

We wandered back to Sharkies offices up the top of town and fank goodness he had finished what he needed to do and we headed back home, but I kept me eyes peeled for the piece of mutton...... she was the first and I will add the ONLY rude doodle we came across in our time in the States.......

I think many got comfused with our accents though, we got....... are you Irish? nope I would say...... Im from England....... I did feel a little mean one day, cos we was in this grocery shop getting some bits of cardboard for dinner with Sharkie and the woman on the til said...... oh your accent where do you come from, is it London, or something like that..... to which I replied....... yes Im from England and then I said, the queen is my Auntie......... oh my...... this poor woman really believed me LMFAO...... ya pay peanuts ya get monkeys working in these places....... lol

ok........ more then enuff Twaddle for Part I........

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