Friday, 11 January 2008

Daft Cow.....

Ok....... so, I had 4 little pressies for crimbo, one each that me lads bought.... so there were 4 little pressies wrapped under the tree with me name on :)...ya see, we only have us, no other family, so me lads and I only have gifts from each other.. I am a person of such simple means, I must be the most easiest person in the world to find or make a gift for........ and....



I JUST LOVE....



ME NEW....



CRIMBO SLIPPERS....

Well, I should rephrase that..... I DID love me new crimbo slippers, until last Sunday......

Ya see, I looked out the kitchen window on Sunday and I could see Janet pecking around the garden but NO Mabel...... so I opened the back door and made that stupid clucking noise that chicken owners often use to call in their bird lol...... so my Janet comes running up to me to see what I had for her, but NO Mabel..... but I could hear black Patrick's cockeral 3 gardens over making a hell of a racket.... and then I could hear this other clucking noise coming from 2 gardens over..... so theres me stood at the back door thinking, dam, bloody Mabel has fluttered over the fences in need of a bonk from black Patricks cockeral the dirty little bird that she is, and has landed a garden short, and there is a terrier dog that lives in that garden and I know if they let the dog out then Mabel is gonna definetely be Sunday lunch for the dog, cos it has already had 2 of black Patrick's cockerals that have fluttered over the fence.....

Dont get me wrong, its not the dogs fault, its only doing what comes natural to a little cute terrier, ya know, ripping a friendly chicken to death.....

So without thinking I try to hobble fast down me rain soaked muddy wet slippery garden in me COW SLIPPERS.... thinking I will go out me back gate along to Neils garden where Mabel the horny bird was flapping around, before they let the dog out......

I didnt think to put on some proper shoes, so as I got about 10 foot onto me wet muddy slippery rain soaked garden, me slippers which are right stupid slip on slippers with no back, got stuck in the mud and as I sorta stumbled to keep them on me feet I slipped arse over tit and ended up on me side laying in the mud......

Ok, for some this would be no problem, but for me LOL with me gimpy knee which was tucked up underneath me arse and with me head spinning in pain, well, I couldnt just jump up LMFAO..... ok its well funny now..... so I lay there in the mud, thinking, ouch dam ouch tears ouch dam.... there was no one in to help me lol..... 15 minutes I lay in the mud thinking thats it, sod it, let me die here in the mud lol...... then I remembered that my Sam was in the house so I started to call LOL.... Sam SAm SAMMMMMMM..... he came to the back door and rushed out to help me upright, and then he just burst out laffing so hard that I had to box his ears for him...... he realised I was ok, but I was covered from head to toe in thick wet mud, it was even in me hair where I had just laid down and waited to die LOL...

I hobbled back in doors and put proper shoes on and then between us we went to rescue Mabel, which in inself was no easy task.... Jacob came in and he helped, we got a sheet to try and throw over the chicken to catch it....... we must of looked a right proper funny sight hobbling around Neils garden chasing dam mabel...

How I resisted wringing her bloody neck, I dont know lol......



This is Mabel just after I caught her, and yes, those are my hands around her neck LOL..... to wring or not to wring that is the question :) - but look at that cute little face, aint she adoreable :)

I told me maties in the week about Sunday and the slip and the mud and Mabel and they laffed at me..... Ive just this second told me matie Wendy (she has just come to pick up sleddie who I childmind) and she laffed so hard she upset her cuppa tea all over her trousers LOL.......

So the crimbo cow slippers that I loved, I now HATE lol they are well dangerous with a gimpy knee..... I know, maybe I shouldnt of hobbled down the garden in the wet without proper shoes on and maybe I might of slipped anyways...... but, I BLAME THE SLIPPERS...... I aint a 'daft cow' no matter how many times me maties call me it ....

An easy simple life.... that is all I ask...... Enuff Twaddle for a rain soaked Friday evening.....

x

38 comments:

AuntieM said...

Hi, great to meet you! I just stumbled upon your blog today and spent several pleasant minutes laughing hard enough to scare the cat! I'm new to the blogosphere, just started my own blog a couple of weeks ago, at www.speakoutforchange.blogspot.com. I like the way your blog is laid out and can see I have a lot to learn about this whole thing. And I loved the story about the turkey neck, I'll probably not be able to look at one again without smirking.
Have a great day,
AuntieM

Kati said...

Sweet Jiminy!!!! Toasty, you're one dangerous woman to have around, ya know!!!! I hope you're ok and that your gimpy knee isn't paining you even more after that tumble. You've darn near got the patience of a saint, if you were able to restrain from wringing Mabel's neck. *grin*

ciara said...

hmmm a cow on slippers and the fact that you went into the mud w em...are you SURE you're not a daft cow? lol i think those slippers were trying to tell you something lmao

Akelamalu said...

I love the slippers - I don't suppose they'll wash????

I am not laughing at the thought of you lying in the mud, I'm not, honest I'm not.

LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL

Casdok said...

Oh yes for a simple life!!
LOVE the slippers!!!

Jen said...

I fell Sunday, too. Only it was right on my rear in a big, soft pile of snow. I left quite a mark!

His Girl Friday said...

Hi Marmite,
geez, I wonder what you're like on a slow day?! ;DDDx

buffalodickdy said...

Marmie- The Chicken Herding Mud Wrestler! I'll handle the publicity, you get the knee worked on and start pumping iron...This is going to be huge...
Cow slippers you have to squeeze your knees together to see the whole animal? No man I know designed these...

Lisa said...

But they're such "udderly" cute cow slippers... ;o)

Hammer said...

That is a nice looking chicken. Glad it's not in the pot :)

The cow slippers are pretty awesome too.

Silver Valley Girl said...

Oh, just a typical day at MT's house. Sorry about the spill in the mud...doesn't sound pleasant. Those are cute slippers...I'm glad your nice sons came to the rescue...even though they were laughing.

Pamela said...

bwaaak bwak bwak (laughing with mabel)

Catch said...

Marmy...I can just see you laying there....and the first thing I always do if I fall is to look around and see if anyone saw me....then I laugh my butt off...no matter if I hurt myself or not....I have to laugh! what is it about falling that is so damn funny?

Tori_Z said...

Yep, gotta be the slippers, can't possibly be something that would have happened anyway... Someone's gotta take the blame, even if that someone happens to be a pair of slippers. LOL!

Real Live Lesbian said...

The poor cow slippers....we all know it's the chicken's fault! Great story! Thanks for the laugh!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

Tears are rolling down my face, woman. Those are some dangerous slippers, but I don't think I'm telling you anything you don't already know!

Horny chickens, turkey necks...you're like poultry porn.

katy said...

oh my those poor poor slippers! hope you washed em!
dont you think we are a strange bunch of folk laughing at your misfortune hahahahaha just kidding, but i gotta say, this could only have happened to you now couldn't it!!!!
and yeah she does look cute

jolie-jordan said...

I feel for your poor knee and for the wrecked new slippers but I agree how could you wring the neck of one so dog-goned cute. (LOL)
Great story. It gave me a good chuckle which on an icky old gray day I really did need. You always are a wonderful boost for me. I love how you handle lifes struggles. A little laughing, a little crying, a little swearing and then sharing it with all of us.
Maybe (ball & chain) that Mable what with a sturdy string and a tennis ball so she can't fly the coop. Silly chicken.

But how could you not say a thing when the son was eating away at the bird food? OMG I would have burst if I couldn't say anything. Too funny. Too wicked. I love it.

Have a good week and for gosh sake take care of yourself...especially that knee.

xxxJolie hugs

MarmiteToasty said...

CRIPES - where did you lot come from lol

~(((auntiem)))~ welcome, I still feel new to blobbing since Ive only blobbed since last Febuary - glad ya enjoyed laffing at me bloody life, fanks a bunch lol.... I'll pop over and have a butchers at ya blob..... xx

~(((kati)))~ but I loves Mabel, now if I had named her after me X husband I would of wrung its neck with ease LOL.... I aint dangerous Im just not good on slippy mud lol....xxxxx

~(((ciara anyones for a suck on their udder)))~ :) well me maties are often calling me a daft cow, now thats not nice is it lol....xxxxx

~(((ake))))~ it AINT funny lmfao.... actually I laffed and laffed, after the tears of course lol....and I did wash the slippers but they are now all sort of lumpy lol.... now STOP laffing......xxxxx

~(((casdok))))~ sighhhhhhh something I crave for sometimes.... a porch, me chickens and a bonk once in a while lol.......xxxxx

~(((jen)))~ lol at the snow dent :).... I did leave quiet a slid mark on me lawn and NO not a knicker slid mark.... hope you didnt hurt yourself.....xxxxx

~(((his girl friday))~ I just fall more slowly lol.....xxxxx

~(((buffalodickdy)))~ :) I already have me agent ready lol.... but you can be manager if ya like lol..... with yas misses of course....xxxxx

~(((lisa)))~ welcome - nope, aint never heard that joke before LMFAO ;)...xxxxx

~(((hammer)))~ that little silkie chicken just turned up in me back gardeon one sunday a few weeks before crimbo, and its stayed eversince, and she be a mighty fine looking bird :)..... and DONT say the word POT on me blob again :)....xxxxx

~(((SilverValleyGirl)))~ they WERE cute slippers lol.... why aint me life just normal, why oh why *rolling me eyes*...... xxxxx

~(((pamela))))~ welcome back :) - now STOP laffing its not funny lol.....xxxxxx

~((((catch))))~ well after the pain subsided I couldnt stop laffing, and my Sam was all slipping over the place trying to help me up..... xxxxx

~(((toriZ)))~ welcome :) - yep blame them bloody cowfaced slippers lol..... xxxxx

~((((real live lesbian))))~ welcome - now do I blame the chicken or the slippers lol which came first lmfao :)....xxxxx

~(((the rotten correspondent))))~ yep thats this site its all porn lmfao..... LOL@poultry porn lmfao..... and stop laffing :)....xxxxx

~((((katy)))~ all I ask is a simple life.... home cooked meals, a good bloke, a log fire, chickens, cats and what do I get..... nuffin but hassle and mud lol......xxxxx

~((((jolie-jordan))))~ thats it, take the piss out of me like ya always do lmfao :).... glad I put a smile on ya face, even at me expense lol..... the truth is.... I so laff at others misfortunes, as long as no one gets hurt.... Im going to hell for my meanness lol....

And you dear friend always put a smile on my face, and Im not always good at handling lifes struggles.... I sometimes have to sleep on things and then I suss and sort them out.....

Birdseed food was payback time lol....xxxxxxxxx

Ol' Lady said...

Poultry Porn...gots a good ring to it...a real money maker I'm sure.
Happy to hear that your not too damaged from your mud bath :)

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I just laughed and farted at the same time reading your blog.I'm multi-talented indeed!

Love the slipers!

Thanks for visiting my blog.Come back again soon!

laughingwolf said...

well dang, i've not laffed so hard in a long while, thx for this toasty! :) lol

just wash the slippers and wear em indoors, like they're meant to be :P

Patty said...

What great reading ! Too bad for the cow slippers. Wonder if you could soak them a wee bit and bring them back to clean life.

Gledwood said...

cow slippers always come in handy...

now then what was I going on about

o yeah

Marmite: don't you agree you havta eat that stuff as a babe, else you won't never get a taste ovvit

also can I ask YOU this

how on earth do you get those DANCY AVATAR THINGS~...??

please tell

they are a real mystery to me...


please rsvp me out of my misery
you can get in touch via my main blog Gledwood2

:->

Cindy said...

It hurts to laugh, but I couldn't help it. I'm glad nothing other than your pride was hurt, though. And that you didn't wring poor Mabel's neck...

Go Figure said...

I told ya that Mabel was a no good from the start. Her eyes, I could see it in her eyes. But no yee wouldn't listen would yee. No. Well nows you knows.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

What a horrendous experience! I’m so sorry for you. Now…if I can just stop laughing, I’m going to post this comment.

Digger from "Dingleberries" said...

Marmie! A letter is on its way from the states to you from me! Look for it in about a week or so. I was going to add a few metal prongs just for good measure but opted not to. :-)

Gledwood said...

the cow pic somehow reminds me of Pam Ayres ...

;->...

Mistress of the Moonlight said...

I love reading your blog. I too am on my own; my sons are grown. My days are an adventure sometimes but reading your blog makes me laugh so much. Thanks for the endorphins, M

Mistress of the Moonlight said...

By the way, loved the Crimbo slippers. For years, M

Mrs. Mac said...

Just popping over from 'dingleberries' ... hope you've recovered from your fall.

katy said...

come over and see if you want to do the survivors meme, no worries if you dont x

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((ol lady)))~ :) we could have the birds sitting around in 'red lit' coops LOL - and usually Im the happiest when Im muddy and wind swept, but not this time lol...xxxxxx

~(((Preposterous Ponderings)))~ welcome :) - hoping the fart was not a 'follow through' one LMFAO...xxx

~(((laughingwolf))))~ now, ya aint suppose to be laffing at me, gawds sake..... did wash the slippers but they are all lumpy now lol....xxxx

~((((patty)))))~ welcome to you :) - yep tried that, they are well buggered though....xxxx

~(((((gledwood)))))~ welcome also to you..... Im the only one out of all of me maties that LOVE marmite with a passion lol.... even me lads HATE it... Im a lone marmite lover....

Me dancing chicken is a trade secret LOL.... maybe as time goes on I might tell ya LOL...I'll pop over and have a butcher at ya blob....xxxxx

~(((cindy))))~ laffing is good for ya soul and ya hernia stitches LOL...xxxxxx

~((((((((((Starr)))))))))))~ yeah shes been trouble from the day she landed in me garden lol..... BUT, she is sooooooo adoreable lol....xxxxxx

~(((((Saintly)))))~ Im fine, Im always falling over with me gimpy knee, just glad this time it was a soft landing lol I did tumble into the road infront of SUV good job he was aware of the loonie brit tumbling lol....xxxxx

~((((digger))))~ welcome to you..... Oh Im so excited, I sooooo LOVE to receive things in the post, be it a simple postcard... fanks ....xxxxx

~(((gledwood))))~ ROTFLMRSSO!!!!!! oye, I use to love Pam Ayres back in the day LOL.... cripes you must be well old :).....xxxxx

~(((mistress of the moonlight)))~ well 2 of me lads are grown, they left home and then returned LOL.... scroll back and sit with a cuppa tea and read some of me more SANE posts :)......xxxxx

~(((((mrs mac))))~ well welcome to you :) - your nic makes me think about homemade macoroni Cheese :)...xxxxx

~(((katy))))~ sorry I aint been over as yet, just aint had time to blob or flit around much this week...... I'll pop over this afternoon :).......xxxxxxxx

Scots said...

your slippers are gorgeous! My sis in law loves cows and has many cow 'things' (not pats!) all over their house ..... I know what I'll be buying her for her birthday xxx

Within Without said...

So Sammy, then, never took any pix of you lying there in the mud in yer cow slippers, those adorable things?

They're lovely slippers, they are, and I hope you wear them again, only inside.

"Arse over tit"...HA HA HA HA! All over a horny hen!

You're a hoot, you are. I wonder if this somehow made it on to YouTube.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((scottie)))~ well the slippers WERE luverly lol.... I washed them and now they are a tad 'lumpy' lol..... so, do you call you sister a silly cow? lol......xxxxx

~(((within without))))~ actually my Sam DID take a photo once he had stood me up but oh my cripes, there is NO way I was putting in on it lol but we so laffed about it....

nononono no UTube lol..... aint ya got that expression 'arse over tit' :) well I officially let you adopt it now lol.....xxx

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