Friday, 25 January 2008

Soon Wiped That Smile Off His Big Fat Face.........

Ok........ so a couple of summers ago my Sam, even though he was fully vacinated...... caught MUMPS..... yep, you heard right, he caught mumps...... for some reason there was a cluster of mumps outbreaks in this village, and my Sam and the guitarist in his band went down with it ......

I think its unusual to catch it if ya had the vacine as a child, but you know how the luck in this house is lol......

Anyways...... there was about 6 nippers in the village that got it, from where, no one is sure, but all I can say is that my lad must be as 'ard as nails' cos the others that caught it were wellabit poorly, but my Sam, as did I, laffed each and every day as he puffed up and his head grew big and his face began to resemble a hamster.....he was fat and swollen but other then that he was not poorly or unwell at all...



This is Sam laffing when I told him I think he has mumps...

A few days later his face had puffed up so much that he began to resemble a chinaman LOL....

I told him that I should take him to the doctors just to check that I had it right and that indeed he did have mumps.....

This is the conversation we had in the car on the way to the doctors......


Me - Sam, ya know mumps at your age can be dangerous...

Sam - What do you mean 'dangerous'...

Me - Well as a little kid ya just get poorly and swollen, but at your age mumps can make ya infertile... (he was 16 lol)

Sam - Infertile, what the hell...

Me - Yep, and in extreme cases ya nuts can swell so big that they burst and they fall off and ya fall on the floor in agony...and ya cant stand for days let alone walk...

Sam - Oh shut up mum, you making it up...

Me - Ok Sam, dont believe me, but dont come crawling to me with ya nuts burst all over the floor asking for a plaster(bandaid) and sympathy...

Sam - SILENCE.......

Me - Smiling...

Sam - 5 minutes later...... so what do you think the doctor will do *gulp*...

Me - Oh he or she will have a look at ya swellings...

Sam - Well she wont have to look hard mum, just look at me fat face...

Me - Who said anything about ya face *giggling*...

Sam - Whats that suppose to mean...

Me - Like I told ya Sam, ya know, about ya nuts (SO KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AT THIS POINT)...

Sam - WHAT???

Me - Yep, ya will have to strip naked and probably get one or two 'unswelling injections'...

Sam - *gulp gulp* what the hell is an unswelling injection?

Me - (Dead straight face).... ya know Sam, in ya bits to try and stop the risk of ya nuts exploding with the mumps virus...

Sam - Well I AINT gonna let that happen... no one is giving me an unswelling injection in me nuts... they will just have to explode and drop off... (real scared look on his face)...

Me - Lets just wait and see what she says...

Sam - A SHE? then thats it, turn the car around and take me home...

Me - No way Sam, look, there's a parking space... lets go in...

Doc - Dont look so scared Sam, its not gonna be painful for to long...

Me - Smiling...

Sam - Please, can I have the unswelling injection in me arm instead of in me nuts?...

Doc - Blank Stare...

Me - Smiling and keeping me mouth shut so tight I could hardly breathe...

Doc - Sam, what are you talking about, I didnt say anything about an injection, and certainly not an unswelling injection, and what is that anyway?...

Me - Grinning like a cheshire cat lol...

Sam - Red with embarrassment..... me mum said that mumps makes ya infertile at my age and that me nuts will swell and burst and drop off unless I have the unswelling injection, and I aint striping naked and I dont do injections and I didnt wanna come and I think maybe I dont want kids anyway, so I might as well go home NOW...

Me - holding my hand over my mouth to try and stop the giggles...

Doc - And you believed your mum? HAHAHAHAHA... (she was now trying to compose herself).. Sam, your nuts will not burst, they will not drop off, and you do not need an unswelling injection ANYWHERE... except for your swollen glands in your neck the rest of you is fine, just let the mumps run their course, and all will be well......

She turned to me and said....... NOW, that story is mine to keep and to use when and wherever I can LOL

Me - Well sometimes a parent just HAS TO HAVE PAYBACK TIME and my time was today LOL...

Sam - I DONT THINK THATS FUNNY MUM hahahahahahahaha I will get ya back.....



Soon wiped that smile off his fat face..... see how swollen he looks lol

He LOVES me really..... this is word for word a true account of what happened :) - it was just sooooo funny... how could I not tease him, 16 is just a great age for payback LOL

Way to much Twaddle gone midnight on a Thursday night.....ok, so I couldnt sleep :)...

x

30 comments:

Tori_Z said...

ROTFLMAO! You're so mean... Who am I kidding? I'd have done the same! LOL!

Within Without said...

Oh, you are so cruel beyond cruel...but I can totally relate! Poor Sam though, the young lad...

You are fire! Have you wiped that impish grin off ur face yet then? And when are we going to see ur pic?

XxX

Casdok said...

You tease you! Poor Sam!
(love it!!)

JBelle said...

I just had a MMR shot so I will not catch the mumps. But if I DO catch the mumps, I know who I will not tell: YOU! Instead, I'll find Sam, who can commiserate without fraud. :)

laughingwolf said...

hahahaha good'un toasty! :P

we had mumps outbreak here last year, amongst college/university kids for the most part... of near epidemic proportions

Cindy said...

It's a wonder that boy doesn't have a complex or something- the things you pull on him!

Solipsist Soliloquist said...

Are you certain that he isn't taking Steroids? He has that Awhnuld look about him.

You really put the Mum in Mumps!

Akelamalu said...

Oh you're a cruel woman Marmie! LOL

I remember when my youngest was about 2 I took him to see my mum and said "look at his chubby little face, isn't he gorgeous?"
Mum said "He's got mumps!" :(

Go Figure said...

Disgusting. funny, but Absolutely disgusting!

katy said...

an I thought I could play mean with my lad, you outshine me girl!

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((toriZ))))~ Well, raising 4 lads completely on me own, ya have to get as many payback times as possible.... oh I have so many to tell lol.....xxx

~(((((withinwithout shake it all about))))~ yep, thats me, cruel :).... oh Im on me blog, ya just have to hunt for me LOL.... maybe you will have to scroll back to the beginning and read each post ;).......xxxx

~((((casdok))))~ Sam does tend to get most of the 'paybacks' but you should see the things he does to me LOL.... he is one of the funniest lads I know...xxxx

~(((JBelle))))~ he had all his injections to, ya still AINT SAFE girl :) - ringing ya and giving ya Sams number for when you get mumps :)....xxxxxxxxx

~((((((laughingwolf)))))~ see swellings are breaking out all over :)...xxxx

~((((cindy)))~ Im just toughening him up for the real world LOL....xxxx

~(((solipsist soliloquist)))~ welcome....I wouldnt like to try and say your name after a glass or two of red wine... googling 'Awhnuld' to see what the hell it means....... me lad is just high on life, he is a talented skateboarder and and even talenteder (is that a word LOL) drummer :) he dont need no steriods :)....xx

~((((ake))))~ cruel is me middle name :) - his face swelled to even more then the photo shows LOL.... oh your dear little lad :(...xxxxxxx

~((((((Starr)))))~ oh hush with your 'disgusting' it clearly states in me sidebar that I have a sick sense of humour :), and nuts and bits and bobs have always been talked about freely in this house so that any subject can be talked about without any taboo attached, that way me lads do and have asked me about many things about life.... so hush.... I aint disgusting :( I be nice.... and loving lol.....xxxxx

~((((katy))))~ oh this is the tip of the iceberg compared to somethings :).......xxxxx

Within Without said...

I AM shakin' it all about...

I don't mind hunting...

But I still don't sees any pix of you all the way back, cept maybe for some feet or cut fingers or as a 10-year-old and such...

zeph said...

Poor kid looks like he needs a feed. And a hairpiece.

buffalodickdy said...

Kids make the greatest "straight men" a comedy team could have! I pulled so much crap like that on my two boys, by the time they were 12, they wouldn't believe me if I told them the house was on fire...

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Poor Sam! No fun to have a face resembling a hamster.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((within without)))~ if ya shakin it all about, I hope you have great support for any dangly bits .....xxxx

~zeph~ how rude.... yep he is a poor deprived, underfeed, wig wearing, unloved, homeless kid....

~(((buffalodickdy)))~ aint they just the best lol...... ya can get so many many miles of wind up time with them lol..... I can keep a straight face in the most funniest of situations as long as Im the instigater :) other times I just crease up and cant contain meself lol.....xxxxx

~((((Saintly)))))~ this was a couple of years ago..... but he was luckly, cos besides the fat face, he wasnt poorly or ill or sick with his mumps, unlike the others that got it.... xxxxx

Scots said...

hey marmy babe xxx You are a right nasty, evil, vindictive piece of work ... poor lad ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... loved it !!!!! :o)

Within Without said...

Ya do the Hokey Pokey and ya shake it all around...that's what it's all aBOUT!

Inland Empire Girl said...

Has he ever gotten back at you? That may be when he starts his own blog... to tell his story. lol

Pamela said...

You are a mean one!!
I was probably 6 when I had the mumps, and my sister got them. And her mumps attacked her pancreas. So, the truth is, the disease can be very cross!!

Glad your Sam still is intact.

Tori_Z said...

Can't wait to hear the rest. LOL!

Ol' Lady said...

I just love how you think :)
I only have 3 girls to mess with, I have done some interesting things over the years.
Each time one of them got close to gettin their monthly I told them it was a great thing to have happen, and how wonderful they will feel as a young woman. I also celebrated each one we got ice cream cakes, went shoppin and had a good time. After the 2nd or 3rd day they hated me cause of the painful cramps and 'mess' but I did enjoy the 'lookin forward' to it by each of them. None of them told the others how it was not a wonderful thing just so they could see the reaction too.
Sorry for the long comment...well, not really but it's polite to say so. :o

Kati said...

ROFLMBO!!!! I cannot believe you manage to keep a straight face while telling your sons some of these things. I'd be busting a gut LONG before I'd finished the "tale" if I tried telling one of your whoppers. Toasty, you are a natural born story-teller. *grin* It's no wonder your kiddos love ya so much!!!

Go Figure said...

Now's MT youse know I never meant that youse was 'disgusting'.

Queenie said...

You swine, tell Sam I'm applying for adoption. That poor kid will need therapy. Mind you it is true, my nephew got it really bad (mumps), and his private parts resembled a bulldogs rear-end, mind you it didn't affect his fertility, three out and wanting three more (children). Good to see your still on the ball, so to speak.....

the psycho therapist said...

Just another day in paradise, I see. Your "torment" reminded me of Syd...who is very happy to have made the transatlantic voyage and live in benign bliss, no longer in fear from life-in-the-cottage.

(smiling)

Sorry to hear about your recent illness. All this time I thought you preferred lentils and roses to daffodils.Go figure.

Life goes on.

ciara said...

mel...why are you up to ya eyeballs in solicitors...why won't that rat bastard shrivel up and die? what's he doing now? you know i gotta know all these things. inquiring minds want to know lol

Hammer said...

Mumps are nasty. It makes one look like frankensteins monster.

I never liked the idea of a female doctor touching my nuts. Actually any doctor for that matter...

Lynn said...

Poor Sam! Ha! It's a wonder he got up the nerve to go in there! I wonder if the vaccine didn't 'take' for him. It didn't take for me, either, even though I have been repeatedly vaccinated to no avail. Doc says I'm probably immune, and the test just doesn't show it. Weird, eh?

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((Scottie))))~ yep, ya just summed me up to a tee LOL... :) - BUT, Im nice with it *WEG*...xxxxx

~(((within without)))~ gawds sake, ya dont even have the same words to that song as what we do LOL... its - Ya do the Hokey Cokey and ya round around, thats what its all about HEY.... now dont get me started on rugby songs lol....xxxxx

~((((InlandEmpireGirl))))~ Sam gets me back all the time LOL.... god help me if he has a 'get ya back blob' lol.....xxxxx

~((((pamela))))~ yeah all his tackle is in tact LOL.... mumps can be nasty, he was quite lucky by all accounts.... xxxxx

~(((toriZ)))~ oh the things I do to that boy LOL....xxxxx

~(((((Ol Lady))))~ LOL@what you do to your girls...... jebus, Im always winding kids up.... even this morning with the minded kids, THEY KNOW ME SO WELL NOW its like water off a ducks back LOL....xxxxx

~(((kati))))~ Im the master of straight faces, well, except when Im with me maties and then sometimes it all goes to pot LOL....xxxxx

~((((Starr))))~ sniff, ok, I forgive ya LOL..... but I can be a bit disgusting at times lol....xxxxx

~(((((Queenie))))~ LOL@bulldogs rear end, that puts a whole new thinking on our phrase 'your the dogs bollocks' LOL - sending my Sam up NORTH to eat black pudding and to go down da pit LOL :)....xxxxx

~((((((((((((Wendy))))))))~ Ive MISSED YOU.... I often wonder how Syd is doing after his tramatic crossing of the ocean in that little airtight box LOL...

Pppssst..... I WASNT POORLY, it was something I heard on the radio and I turned it into a joke LOL...... AND..... you should see the amount of lentils we eat now in this house :).... it sure keeps one regular....... (((Wendy))) love you....xxxxxxxx

~((((ciara))))~ oh just stuff, that he SO AINT GONNA GET AWAY WITH IF HE VALUES HIS LIFE :).....xxxxx

~(((hammer))))~ The picture of my Sam dont really show how swollen his face was, it was just sooooo funny... and say NO to 'nut touchers'....xxxxx

~(((lynn)))~ Sam does seem to get things that he has been vacinated against...... even I had german measles twice even though I had all the injections, and had it once when pregnant with one of me lads.......xxxx