Heather... We Loved You ... RIP

Ok....... I still need to do me crimbo post but I need to get down something that happened the weekend before last.... probably no one here to read, but this is a diary of my life events for me lads to read one day....

Sorry I aint been around, life has just been in the way..... my dear friends hubby had his brain tumour op, its not gone to well, they couldnt get it all out, so its harrowing times for this dear family... and Ive tried to be there for me matie.... me other divorcing matie is getting on me tits though.... dont even get me started on that one lol - and Im still trying to rob Peter to pay Paul, I have picked up a couple of part time nippers though so maybe things are gonna pick up soon, cos I sure know this is no way to live....existance is not living...

Anyways.....

Last month I joined a Pet site via facebook..... it was a semi rescue/selling site for pets and accessories....

Someone on there had a cocketiel and cage that they no longer wanted.... and I know my Jacob would LOVE one of these birds so I rang the number and spoke to a well nice lady in town, she said the bird was called Major and he was very tame, they just didnt have the room for him no more what with a new baby on the way..... so I arranged to go into town with my lad to have a butchers at the bird to see if it was what he wanted.....

Well, blimey, he fell in love with the dam thing.... so Major and its cage came home to live with us..... and he was/is tame... we gets him out everyday and he spends most evenings perched on someones head or on someones shoulder, he says loads of things and when no one is around during the day, Im trying to teach him 'bollocks' LOL but he aint having non of it........ he does say HELLO MAJOR and HELLO BABY and NITE NITE MAJOR..... and cos he says these things it means my Jacob had to keep his name the same....


This is Major sitting on our Sams head..

Me cats dont seem to bothered with him, oh they had a little paw at the cage the night we bought it home, but thats about all.....


I love this photo, if you look carefully to the right you can make out our fat Cat Buff staring through the bars of majors cage, thinking, just one wrong move dam bird and you're my lunch lol

So... we had only had Major for a week and eveyone loves him..... my Tom that lives with his girlfriend was besotted by him, and the following Sunday our Tom and Sammie his girlfriend turn up one Sunday morning, everyone else is in bed and he says...... Ive got an idea mum.... how funny would it be if Jacob woke up and found another bird in the cage with Major.... you know, a GIRL bird..... so I says.... what? he says, we have just been to the pet shop to get crickets for the Chamelions and they have some well cute cocketiels there..... thats it he says, before Jacob gets up Im going to go buy him another bird..... and he disappears.....


This is Major, aint he sweet.. and if he sits on ya shoulder he fiddles with ya chain round ya neck or ya earring or even fiddles with ya hair.... and he aint once did a poo whilst out of his cage :)


Jacob and Major....

Well LMFAO..... he comes back about 15 mintues later with the funniest of funny birds..... it was the fattest cocketiel I have ever seen.... its face was so fat that its beak sorta looked more like a little nose... it was so pretty though be it a little hunched back looking...... Tom picked it cos it was on its own in the aviary and was just on the floor pecking around, he said.... it looked like no one would love it so I knew it had to come here LMFAO....

I think it was to heavy to actually fly.... anyways we put it in the cage with Major and he went mental...... he was shouting.... hello baby hello baby over and over.... Jacob woke up and came down and he to was besotted with the new bird and Major by then was in LOVE..... it was so sweet, he would lay his head on the fat birds chest...

So....... the new bird was to be called HEATHER...... doodles will not understand this, but it is named after Fat Heather off of Eastenders which is a telly programme here, cos this bird looks just like Fat Heather....

It to was fairly tame, but I think its more cos it couldnt actually fly off cos it was to heavy..... but we loved fat Heather.... and Major certainly was in love with his new cage matie....

All was well for 5 days.... then Jacob got up at 6 on the Friday morning for college and he came down the stairs well quiet.... Fat Heather died mum in the night, I uncovered them this morning and she is laying on the floor of the cage... dead.....

oh no, I says...... he said, last evening she was making well funny noises and me and Tom filmed her cos it was funny, but now I come to think about it, it was probably her dying cos the noises wheren't normal.... but we just thought she was showing off to Major.....

Oh my Jacob, Im so sorry, but at least you gave her 5 days of fun and love and she did like us and she seemed happy..... what have you done with her now.... oh, I put her in a plastic carrier bag in me room, will have to bury her when I get back from college..... Tom will be sad and to think he had wasted 30 quid on a bird that only lasted 5 days.....

Well...... whilst Jacob was at college I had some things to do in town so whilst there I popped into the pet shop, cos my reckoning was that a bloody bird should last longer then 5 days, when we had looked after it proper, it shouldnt just up and die on us.... this is what happened at the pet shop......

I wander in the door and go up to the counter where a nice looking lady is standing behind the till..... I swear on my life this is the conversation that followed..

hello she says..... hello I say back... Heather is dead.. the woman looks at the other woman at the other till and turns back to me and says...... oh Im very sorry about your loss... Im really upset I say and I dont know where I stand, its all been very upsetting..... again the woman says Im so very sorry, maybe see a bereavement councillor, was Heather your mother? (she must of thought I was some nutcase that had just wandered in off the street she obviously didnt realise I was talking about Fat Heather our bird)..

Im to upset for councilling I said, I just want to swap her for something else...... blank stares from the woman..... pardon the woman says... I want to swap Fat Heather for another bird I says......... OH she says smiling... Fat Heather was a bird you bought from here, its NOT your mother?... nah its not me mother, I wouldnt swap my dead mother for the time of day, she hated me, she was more a cow then a bird I says...... with that the woman lost the plot and just burst out laffing as did her staff mate on the other till......... sorry I said but I dont think its funny, we loved Heather and you must of sold us a dodgy bird... so I would like to swap her for one that is breathing, cos our bird is dead and is not breathing.......

hahahaha the woman laffed you want to swap it for one that is breathing, now that is funny she said....... me, still with a dead straight face said...... so what do I do...

Have you got the bird, opps sorry, Fat Heather with you.........what do you think I am? mad? do you really think I would take a dead bird out with me shopping, no she is at home in a plastic recycleable carrier bag in the bottom of the fridge.....I think it is a biodegradable one and not just any old bag...I just didnt wanna put her in one that might suffocate her......... the tears were rolling down the womans face, but you said she was dead, I doubt it would make any difference what bag she was in..... out of respect I say, to Heather, she still has a soul... hence the biodegrable bag....so, I says...... what do you want me to do with Fat Heather that now resides in a carrier bag in the bottom of me fridge...... please please dont tell me you really have dead fat heather in the bottom of your fridge....... its ok I say, she is under the bag of chopped lettuce, I didnt wanna leave her on the side in the kitchen incase the cats decided to have a nibble on her.... god rest her soul......

By now the woman was in uncontrollable fits of laughter........ Im sorry you find this so funny I say, to laff at someones obvious distress about the loss of their dead fat Heather I dont find amusing....

Im sorry the woman is trying to say through muffled gulps of laffing....

Ok, the woman says....... if you could bring dead Fat Heather back to the shop you can have your money back....... we just want to swap her for one that is breathing I say.... ok she says, tears still rolling down her face....... I'll bring the dead bird back when I come to pick my boy up around 6ish... you will see she really is dead and Im not just making it up to get a different bird....

Fine the woman says......I hope Im still on shift when you come back...... and she walks away down the shop shoulders heaving with laughter...... some people can be so insensitive to others loss......

So with dead Fat Heather uncovered from underneath the mixed salad in the fridge I pick me lad up and we go back to the pet shop...... I explained to the bloke that the lady during the day said we were to bring Fat Heather back to swap her for a breathing bird...... the bloke says, Val told me to expect you... we dont usually swap animals unless they die within 48 hours of purchase...... I give him the evil eye and say.... at 30 quid Heather should of lasted more then 5 days.... you either swap my boys dead bird for another healthy breathing bird or Im gonna shove it where the sun dont shine which will be easy cos by now Fat Heather is rather stiff....he just burst out laffing and said, under the circumstances I will let you pick another one........ like you even had a choice I mumble...

So the upshot of it is that Jacob got to pick out another bird..... and I told the bloke that if this one also dies within a week it to will be bought back and swapped.....I dont think he dared argue lol

At least Heather had a lovely few loved filled days with us....... the bloke said it was to late in the day to do anything with the dead bird and he would sort it out in the morning (they send them away to find out why they died incase they have dodgy breeders that supply them) and with that he shoved Dead Fat Heather under the counter....... I just hoped that whoever came on first shift the following day didnt think someone had left them a donna kebab for their breakfast lmfao


This is our new bird, as yet unnamed...... I will get the photos of Fat Dead Heather off of our Jacobs camera and show you what a pretty funny girl she was before she died.... just aint downloaded them onto the computer yet :)

I expect thats a day in the life of a pet shop worker that wont be forgotten in a hurry :)

Sorry, but I can only be me....... I know I aint normal..... but still, I wouldnt want me any other way lol

I promise to do better in the blobbing stakes.... here and around other blobs.... please forgive me..... life aint been easy...

ok, to much Twaddle for one rather hot May morning ...

x