OXO
Sunday, 25 May 2008
Thursday, 22 May 2008
Last Installment - Done And Dusted - Part IV
Ok........... Not such good news at the hospital today, trying to keep me head above water here, trying to deal with this as best I can and keep sane, and a heart wrenching email from a dear friend today, soemone that I hold dear in my heart and havent heard from for a while - its been a very very difficult day...... Back to hospital tomorrow, told to take a bag in with me with 'stuff' just incase......... to say Ive now had enough is such an understatement, maybe time now to bail out....there is only so much ones heart and soul can endure....
anyways...
Those that know me, know how very private I actually am, so sharing so many snippets of meself this past year with so many people has been a tad strange...not the daft stories of me life, but the little private bits........and at times a little unsettling to open up so much, ya see, Im usually 'well ard' and Ive opened up way to much of meself to certain people, and now its come and bit me on me fat arse....
But, I need to put up the conclusion of me hospital trip, LOL@trip.... sometimes I crease meself up.... just need to finish this round so me lads get a complete picture when I am no longer around.......
Right then, rubbing me hands together, lets get it written..... lets get it done and dusted.....
After being expelled from one end of the ward, and then whisked back to theatre on the Saturdee night, the following day was sort of ok, the old dears were so lovely, and they well took the piss out of me cos the reading material I took in was NOT the norm LOL....... me chicken books for a start, also everytime I got a message on me mobile from one of me maties or one of me lads the message tone is very loud and its a COCKERAL sound lmfao....... it actually sounds like a real cockeral in the room, it so made them laff every morning a little after 6.30ish when me maties would start texting me.... they said my corner sounded like a farmyard.... They was also intrigued by me love of Ebay after I explained what it was and everytime someone put something down they would say, dont leave that there long or Mel will Ebay it.... daft sods lol
This was Margete that was opposite me, her oldest son won Master Chef off the telly a few years ago and owns a nice eating place in town and he would bring in wonderful scrummie chocolate cake and he would always bring me in a slice cos he said I made his mums days more bareable LOL.... well anything for a bit of well proper chocolate cake....
I am a right proper people watching person, and I love to just listen and observe people without saying much, I often get a feel for people within a very short while, and there were many characters down the end of the ward where I now found meself....
Take Hairflick.... well, thats not her real name, but she was a moaning whining german (and hairflick is what me and me matie Sharon names her, cos it sounds like a german name lol) she was well getting on me tits, she moaned about everything, about the food (which was actually lovely with 4 choices of dinner and puddings), about her op, she was a right up her own arse woman, and really looked down her nose at everyone around her, she was early 70s but looked nowhere near it, more like early 60s but jebus, she could moan for England...... so much so that Margrete, opposite me, would roll her eyes and pull the ajoining curtain across a little so she didnt have to look at her, and then she would make funny hand signals and faces to me across the ward, about hairflick..... we didnt like hairflick, one day she moaned about being taxed on all her 4 pensions which really got me goat and I so had to just make a little comment..... hey flick, I said, you should be grateful that you have 4 pensions to see you through old age, I bet some of these lovely little old ladies only have state pensions and would love to be in a position to have 4 pensions, I hope your making the most of the money and doing good in the world.... she didnt like me much, but then I aint easy likeable lol...... Im famous for sticking up for the underdog here in this village, Im famous for sticking me neck on the line and fighting for the rights of those that need a voice.... ok, so, some call me gobby, but I would NEVER see someone be taken advantage of and not voice an opinion LOL..... and I so dont think hairflick had come across someone that stood up to her before..... she was nothing but a bloody bully and that came across very clear in the following few days...... hence everytime I answered her nasty mean moaning comments with a little dry humour and wit with a serious side, margrete opposite and Audrey to the left and Carol to the side would all cheer LMFAO..... and dear old margrete would punch the air with her fist LMRSSO..... well, sorry but I just couldnt sit back and let this jumped up hairflick bully these old people, even the nurses would look at me and smile and wink LOL....
So a people watcher I be......... take Audrey for instance....... Audrey had been in Haslar for 3 weeks already, her op had not gone according to plan and her swelling just wouldnt go down and on the Monday they were going to take her back into theatre in the afternoon, so she was starved of food and drink all day and when they wheeled her bed out, I thought to cheer her up I would sing.....'Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye' which had her in fits of laughter cos the porters began to sing it to lol and she waved as she was wheeled off.....
Well Audrey was back in just over an hour, looking pale and frightened, I knew how she felt having been whisked back to theatre on the Saturdee evening...... they wheeled her bed back into position and I thought something was not right, she was sitting up and I could see she was on the verge of tears....... I noticed hairflick was staring and before she could say anything I said...... oye hairflick, just leave her be..... the nurses were busy and didnt notice that Audrey had tears flowing down her little old wrinkled face.... but I did, I noticed..... she just looked across at me and burst into floods.... so I put me dressing gown on and gathered up me IV drips and me blood drain over me arm and grabbed me walking frame and hobbled across to Audreys bed and plonked meself down on the chair by her bedside...... sigh........ she just looked at me and sobbed and sobbed, I took her hand and let her cry until she was spent, she said they took her to theatre but couldnt do the op today cos of a heart problem and she had to wait 4 more days until certain meds kicked in, but they knew that before she went down, so why did they have to starve her and put her though that only to realise once down in theatre... I let her spill it all out, all the time holding her hand and looking her in the eye.... bless this dear little old lady, she was so scared and frightened and now hungry and thirsty..... I asked the nurse if they could go check in the fridge at the end of the ward cos I didnt want me sarnies at lunchtime and see if they was still there so that Audrey could at least have something to eat and drink.... which they did..... anyways....... whilst I was sitting there the 'main man doctor' came to see Audrey to explain that they need to draw some blood to test again......... so I said I would leave them to it and Audrey squeezed me hand so hard and asked if I could stay, to which the doctor said, sure, if thats what ya want, so he drew the curtains around the bed and poked her veins in her arms with no success.....and ya know what Im like, so I says, have ya tried the vein in her ankle cos Audrey was a druggie back in the 20s and she would often shoot up in the ankle vein.... which I said with a dead straight face....he smiled and then looked at Audrey and she said, Mels correct LMFAO..... he then said, I cant get a vein so I will have to try the vein in your groin.... oh my.... oh my..... I turned to Audrey and asked if she wanted me to leave.... she said, please dont..... so I sat there as this drop dead gorgeous black handsome doctor tried the vein in 85 year old Audrey's groin, and as he was drawing the blood I says......... now Audrey I bet its been a few years since ya've had anyone fiddle about down there in ya groin area near ya landing flaps........ to which she laffed so much the bottom set of teeth slipped out and the Doctor shook with laughter.... it was the first time that Audrey had laffed or smiled all day..... she laffed and laffed and laffed, and the doctor turned to me and just said....... fank you, you know that laughter is the best medicine and I think you have done more for Audrey today then any tables or medicine I could of prescribed....... sigh..... maybe Im in the wrong job lol
Monday Evening I was gagging for a shower, there is only so many washes with babywipes one can do, jebus I so needed to wash me hair and stand under proper running water....... so I had a plan.....
This is the leg I had to drag to the bathroom and try and keep dry LOL.....
I gathered up me wash stuff and hang it with me big towel over me walking frame, took down me IV thingie and me blood drain and made my way to the bathroom at the end of the ward...... the nurse said, where ya going, the loos and sinks were the other end, so I says, I know there is a huge bathroom the other end with a huge old victorian bath in that I could lean over and wash me hair...... ok she said, just be careful and DONT get ya bandages wet and DONT drop ya IVs or ya drain and DONT fall and if ya need help then pull the red cord...... yep I had a plan lol....yeah see, there was this HUGE old fashioned dated bathroom with this HUGE old bath in the centre of the room with a hoist chair, it looked like something out of a mental institute, remember this hospital was over 200 years old and some of the old stuff was still there lol........ jebus this bathroom was creepy.... but I so had a plan.... there was also a shower in the corner of the room.... which I planned to suss out........ so I washed me hair over the bath and then thought how nice it would be to sit under a shower and have a proper wash...... so..... LMFAO...... I put me thinking cap on and realised it was possible lmfao.... I dragged a chair over to the shower and put it IN the shower..... and I plonked meself down on it lol..... I then hung all me drips and stuff on the shower rail LMFAO..... and thought it I stuck me leg out of the shower then it wouldnt get wet.. right?.... laffing typing this...... so I reached back and turned on the water with me showergel in me hand all ready to have a quick shower, me leg wouldnt get wet cos I was sitting on a chair with me leg stuck out of the shower curtain ....... WRONG lol......oh my it was just so funny, sitting there under the shower with me face upturned into the water, it felt soooooo good.... I was beginning to feel soooooo clean...... I must of sat there for a good 10-15 minutes LOL.... but when I looked up the water had run down me body and down me leg that was sticking out of the shower and had flooded the whole of the tiled bathroom LMFAO..... this bathroom was about 20 foot square and was now under about 2 inches of water LOL..... holy shit...... I carefully stood up, well scared not that I would slip and got dried as best I could whilst standing on one leg cos no weight baring on me dodgy leg and whilst standing in 2 inches of water...... the IV got pulled out me hand as I tried to mop up some of the water with some paper towels all the time saying shit shit shit shit over and over to meself like some demented fool......
Someone knocked on the door and asked if I was ok to which I said YEP FINE.... to which they said then why is there water pouring out from under the door into the hallway and down the stairs LMFAO........ oh jebus..... they had to go and get the key to open the door cos I couldnt hobble through the water to open the door incase I slipped LMFAO........it was like a clip out of the film 'One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest' ...... the young nurse so did laff, luckiely she was the little Asian nurse that I reckonised from a few years back and she just looked at me and laffed and laffed with a concerned look on her face.......first she asked if I was ok, and then WHAT THE HELL WAS YA THINKING trying to have a shower....... I asked her not to say anything to the others.... and she just kept shaking her head and muttering things like 'only you Mel' and 'Why does this not surprise me' all in her lovely little asian accent..... so I looked at here and said....... please dont dob me in and 'I will love you long time' LMFAO (I had heard that saying on a film about Tye Brides lol) and then we both just creased up laffing so hard and she made me sit on the wet chair whilst she found a mop and bucket and it took 30 minutes to sort out the bathroom LOL BUT, at least I felt clean for the first time in almost a week......
The little asian nurse had to take off all the dressings and sort me out LOL.....
She also decided to take the drain out, which they think on reflection was a mistake hence so much swelling and stuff now.....
I didnt eat an aweful lot whilst in hospital, not that the foods was not nice cos the little I did eat it was scrummie, I just didnt feel up to eating, maybe it was the drugs I dont know....... but one day cos I hadnt eaten for a day I thought I just fancied a jacket potatoe for me dinner one evening, so thats what I ordered....... oh my...... when the dinner trolley came round I opened the silver domed lid on me plate expecting a bowl with a lovely crispy jacket potatoes with a nice blob of butter to mash in the spud....... I must of laffed to loud in a weird sort of way cos a doctor came running over to me bed as if I was on fire LMFAO......
You will see why he was laffing so hard in the next picture and explanation lol
I plonked the silver lid back down whilst laffing and saying, its a fish, its a bloody fish, I didnt order a fish, but they have sent me a bloody laffing fish...... the doctor bloke looked puzzled, I didnt think fish was on the menu tonight me said.... well they have sent me a laffing fish I said..... just you look..... so he lifted the silver lid and looked on the plate and then looked at me and said..... you really have lost your marbles, what are you on about, a fish?..... its a fish I say, he laffs and says, no Mel its a jacket potatoe LMFAO........
Now if that dont look like a laffing puffer fish then slap my thigh and call me Arthur.... and when I turned the fish/potatoe around and pointed out the features of the eyes and the smiley mouth that is when he laffed and laffed and I grabbed me camera and took the above photo of him LMFAO...... he wandered back to his desk shaking he head and muttering something under his breath LOL
There are so many other stories from the following days that I stayed in hospital.... but I would just ramble on and on for pages and pages and bore everyone to tears.......
Like the story about when they took me down for Xrays or the story of the missing flowers LOL...... or the story of how I had to learn to inject meself in the tummy everyday for a fortnight, starting with a few days in hospital only to find that there was something in the injection that had pork product in it which of course Im very allergic to LOL.....
But I will wrap this up now..... me matie Wendy came to pick me up on the Thursday, and oh my, it was just the funniest, cos I had no bend in me leg and trying to get me in her car with 2 of her kids was just the funniest thing ever, and now matter how hard they pushed and the doctor shoved they couldnt get me in LMFAO.... I ended up laying on the back seat of her car with me leg stuck straight out between the front 2 seats on top of the handbreak LOL...... I was glad to be going home, if not a little scared cos I knew that I was no me own then, with no one to really fall back on...... drugged up to the hills with a list of WHAT NOT TO DO's and an appointment card......
That was 5 weeks ago, and things have so not gone well...... but somehow I will get through this....... if not, there is always the option of a short rope and directions to a tall tree, and that at this moment in time looks like a pretty good option.......
So I dont know where I will be in he coming days, next week is school break, it was school break 5 weeks ago when I was in hospital, all those weeks and no step nearer running around...... its frustrating and depressing....... and next week most of me maties will be away camping or on holiday for the half term break, so I aint told them that I might be back in hospital, so again I will have to face whatever happens this time completely on me own......
But, first I want to fank everyone for your good thoughts and wishes whilst Ive gone through the mill...... and those that sent me a card or a letter or an email, that made me smile and laff and dragged me out of my pit of dispair, then I thank you from me soul, and for the few little parcels that I have received, from people that barely know me.... fank you..... ya see, just a kind word or a simple card to someone that feels scared and alone, can make such a difference to their day.... so I fank you all from the bottom of me heart..... Susan especially........ and Jolie.... you know, what Im talking about.....
Its just those little simple gestures that makes such a difference..... well to me they have....... whilst trying to cope with a few upsets from those that I love and have other things on their minds....
See what I mean, just ramblings of a mad crazy scared old crimple woman.....
Twaddling out......... oxo
anyways...
Those that know me, know how very private I actually am, so sharing so many snippets of meself this past year with so many people has been a tad strange...not the daft stories of me life, but the little private bits........and at times a little unsettling to open up so much, ya see, Im usually 'well ard' and Ive opened up way to much of meself to certain people, and now its come and bit me on me fat arse....
But, I need to put up the conclusion of me hospital trip, LOL@trip.... sometimes I crease meself up.... just need to finish this round so me lads get a complete picture when I am no longer around.......
Right then, rubbing me hands together, lets get it written..... lets get it done and dusted.....
After being expelled from one end of the ward, and then whisked back to theatre on the Saturdee night, the following day was sort of ok, the old dears were so lovely, and they well took the piss out of me cos the reading material I took in was NOT the norm LOL....... me chicken books for a start, also everytime I got a message on me mobile from one of me maties or one of me lads the message tone is very loud and its a COCKERAL sound lmfao....... it actually sounds like a real cockeral in the room, it so made them laff every morning a little after 6.30ish when me maties would start texting me.... they said my corner sounded like a farmyard.... They was also intrigued by me love of Ebay after I explained what it was and everytime someone put something down they would say, dont leave that there long or Mel will Ebay it.... daft sods lol
This was Margete that was opposite me, her oldest son won Master Chef off the telly a few years ago and owns a nice eating place in town and he would bring in wonderful scrummie chocolate cake and he would always bring me in a slice cos he said I made his mums days more bareable LOL.... well anything for a bit of well proper chocolate cake....
I am a right proper people watching person, and I love to just listen and observe people without saying much, I often get a feel for people within a very short while, and there were many characters down the end of the ward where I now found meself....
Take Hairflick.... well, thats not her real name, but she was a moaning whining german (and hairflick is what me and me matie Sharon names her, cos it sounds like a german name lol) she was well getting on me tits, she moaned about everything, about the food (which was actually lovely with 4 choices of dinner and puddings), about her op, she was a right up her own arse woman, and really looked down her nose at everyone around her, she was early 70s but looked nowhere near it, more like early 60s but jebus, she could moan for England...... so much so that Margrete, opposite me, would roll her eyes and pull the ajoining curtain across a little so she didnt have to look at her, and then she would make funny hand signals and faces to me across the ward, about hairflick..... we didnt like hairflick, one day she moaned about being taxed on all her 4 pensions which really got me goat and I so had to just make a little comment..... hey flick, I said, you should be grateful that you have 4 pensions to see you through old age, I bet some of these lovely little old ladies only have state pensions and would love to be in a position to have 4 pensions, I hope your making the most of the money and doing good in the world.... she didnt like me much, but then I aint easy likeable lol...... Im famous for sticking up for the underdog here in this village, Im famous for sticking me neck on the line and fighting for the rights of those that need a voice.... ok, so, some call me gobby, but I would NEVER see someone be taken advantage of and not voice an opinion LOL..... and I so dont think hairflick had come across someone that stood up to her before..... she was nothing but a bloody bully and that came across very clear in the following few days...... hence everytime I answered her nasty mean moaning comments with a little dry humour and wit with a serious side, margrete opposite and Audrey to the left and Carol to the side would all cheer LMFAO..... and dear old margrete would punch the air with her fist LMRSSO..... well, sorry but I just couldnt sit back and let this jumped up hairflick bully these old people, even the nurses would look at me and smile and wink LOL....
So a people watcher I be......... take Audrey for instance....... Audrey had been in Haslar for 3 weeks already, her op had not gone according to plan and her swelling just wouldnt go down and on the Monday they were going to take her back into theatre in the afternoon, so she was starved of food and drink all day and when they wheeled her bed out, I thought to cheer her up I would sing.....'Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye' which had her in fits of laughter cos the porters began to sing it to lol and she waved as she was wheeled off.....
Well Audrey was back in just over an hour, looking pale and frightened, I knew how she felt having been whisked back to theatre on the Saturdee evening...... they wheeled her bed back into position and I thought something was not right, she was sitting up and I could see she was on the verge of tears....... I noticed hairflick was staring and before she could say anything I said...... oye hairflick, just leave her be..... the nurses were busy and didnt notice that Audrey had tears flowing down her little old wrinkled face.... but I did, I noticed..... she just looked across at me and burst into floods.... so I put me dressing gown on and gathered up me IV drips and me blood drain over me arm and grabbed me walking frame and hobbled across to Audreys bed and plonked meself down on the chair by her bedside...... sigh........ she just looked at me and sobbed and sobbed, I took her hand and let her cry until she was spent, she said they took her to theatre but couldnt do the op today cos of a heart problem and she had to wait 4 more days until certain meds kicked in, but they knew that before she went down, so why did they have to starve her and put her though that only to realise once down in theatre... I let her spill it all out, all the time holding her hand and looking her in the eye.... bless this dear little old lady, she was so scared and frightened and now hungry and thirsty..... I asked the nurse if they could go check in the fridge at the end of the ward cos I didnt want me sarnies at lunchtime and see if they was still there so that Audrey could at least have something to eat and drink.... which they did..... anyways....... whilst I was sitting there the 'main man doctor' came to see Audrey to explain that they need to draw some blood to test again......... so I said I would leave them to it and Audrey squeezed me hand so hard and asked if I could stay, to which the doctor said, sure, if thats what ya want, so he drew the curtains around the bed and poked her veins in her arms with no success.....and ya know what Im like, so I says, have ya tried the vein in her ankle cos Audrey was a druggie back in the 20s and she would often shoot up in the ankle vein.... which I said with a dead straight face....he smiled and then looked at Audrey and she said, Mels correct LMFAO..... he then said, I cant get a vein so I will have to try the vein in your groin.... oh my.... oh my..... I turned to Audrey and asked if she wanted me to leave.... she said, please dont..... so I sat there as this drop dead gorgeous black handsome doctor tried the vein in 85 year old Audrey's groin, and as he was drawing the blood I says......... now Audrey I bet its been a few years since ya've had anyone fiddle about down there in ya groin area near ya landing flaps........ to which she laffed so much the bottom set of teeth slipped out and the Doctor shook with laughter.... it was the first time that Audrey had laffed or smiled all day..... she laffed and laffed and laffed, and the doctor turned to me and just said....... fank you, you know that laughter is the best medicine and I think you have done more for Audrey today then any tables or medicine I could of prescribed....... sigh..... maybe Im in the wrong job lol
Monday Evening I was gagging for a shower, there is only so many washes with babywipes one can do, jebus I so needed to wash me hair and stand under proper running water....... so I had a plan.....
This is the leg I had to drag to the bathroom and try and keep dry LOL.....
I gathered up me wash stuff and hang it with me big towel over me walking frame, took down me IV thingie and me blood drain and made my way to the bathroom at the end of the ward...... the nurse said, where ya going, the loos and sinks were the other end, so I says, I know there is a huge bathroom the other end with a huge old victorian bath in that I could lean over and wash me hair...... ok she said, just be careful and DONT get ya bandages wet and DONT drop ya IVs or ya drain and DONT fall and if ya need help then pull the red cord...... yep I had a plan lol....yeah see, there was this HUGE old fashioned dated bathroom with this HUGE old bath in the centre of the room with a hoist chair, it looked like something out of a mental institute, remember this hospital was over 200 years old and some of the old stuff was still there lol........ jebus this bathroom was creepy.... but I so had a plan.... there was also a shower in the corner of the room.... which I planned to suss out........ so I washed me hair over the bath and then thought how nice it would be to sit under a shower and have a proper wash...... so..... LMFAO...... I put me thinking cap on and realised it was possible lmfao.... I dragged a chair over to the shower and put it IN the shower..... and I plonked meself down on it lol..... I then hung all me drips and stuff on the shower rail LMFAO..... and thought it I stuck me leg out of the shower then it wouldnt get wet.. right?.... laffing typing this...... so I reached back and turned on the water with me showergel in me hand all ready to have a quick shower, me leg wouldnt get wet cos I was sitting on a chair with me leg stuck out of the shower curtain ....... WRONG lol......oh my it was just so funny, sitting there under the shower with me face upturned into the water, it felt soooooo good.... I was beginning to feel soooooo clean...... I must of sat there for a good 10-15 minutes LOL.... but when I looked up the water had run down me body and down me leg that was sticking out of the shower and had flooded the whole of the tiled bathroom LMFAO..... this bathroom was about 20 foot square and was now under about 2 inches of water LOL..... holy shit...... I carefully stood up, well scared not that I would slip and got dried as best I could whilst standing on one leg cos no weight baring on me dodgy leg and whilst standing in 2 inches of water...... the IV got pulled out me hand as I tried to mop up some of the water with some paper towels all the time saying shit shit shit shit over and over to meself like some demented fool......
Someone knocked on the door and asked if I was ok to which I said YEP FINE.... to which they said then why is there water pouring out from under the door into the hallway and down the stairs LMFAO........ oh jebus..... they had to go and get the key to open the door cos I couldnt hobble through the water to open the door incase I slipped LMFAO........it was like a clip out of the film 'One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest' ...... the young nurse so did laff, luckiely she was the little Asian nurse that I reckonised from a few years back and she just looked at me and laffed and laffed with a concerned look on her face.......first she asked if I was ok, and then WHAT THE HELL WAS YA THINKING trying to have a shower....... I asked her not to say anything to the others.... and she just kept shaking her head and muttering things like 'only you Mel' and 'Why does this not surprise me' all in her lovely little asian accent..... so I looked at here and said....... please dont dob me in and 'I will love you long time' LMFAO (I had heard that saying on a film about Tye Brides lol) and then we both just creased up laffing so hard and she made me sit on the wet chair whilst she found a mop and bucket and it took 30 minutes to sort out the bathroom LOL BUT, at least I felt clean for the first time in almost a week......
The little asian nurse had to take off all the dressings and sort me out LOL.....
She also decided to take the drain out, which they think on reflection was a mistake hence so much swelling and stuff now.....
I didnt eat an aweful lot whilst in hospital, not that the foods was not nice cos the little I did eat it was scrummie, I just didnt feel up to eating, maybe it was the drugs I dont know....... but one day cos I hadnt eaten for a day I thought I just fancied a jacket potatoe for me dinner one evening, so thats what I ordered....... oh my...... when the dinner trolley came round I opened the silver domed lid on me plate expecting a bowl with a lovely crispy jacket potatoes with a nice blob of butter to mash in the spud....... I must of laffed to loud in a weird sort of way cos a doctor came running over to me bed as if I was on fire LMFAO......
You will see why he was laffing so hard in the next picture and explanation lol
I plonked the silver lid back down whilst laffing and saying, its a fish, its a bloody fish, I didnt order a fish, but they have sent me a bloody laffing fish...... the doctor bloke looked puzzled, I didnt think fish was on the menu tonight me said.... well they have sent me a laffing fish I said..... just you look..... so he lifted the silver lid and looked on the plate and then looked at me and said..... you really have lost your marbles, what are you on about, a fish?..... its a fish I say, he laffs and says, no Mel its a jacket potatoe LMFAO........
Now if that dont look like a laffing puffer fish then slap my thigh and call me Arthur.... and when I turned the fish/potatoe around and pointed out the features of the eyes and the smiley mouth that is when he laffed and laffed and I grabbed me camera and took the above photo of him LMFAO...... he wandered back to his desk shaking he head and muttering something under his breath LOL
There are so many other stories from the following days that I stayed in hospital.... but I would just ramble on and on for pages and pages and bore everyone to tears.......
Like the story about when they took me down for Xrays or the story of the missing flowers LOL...... or the story of how I had to learn to inject meself in the tummy everyday for a fortnight, starting with a few days in hospital only to find that there was something in the injection that had pork product in it which of course Im very allergic to LOL.....
But I will wrap this up now..... me matie Wendy came to pick me up on the Thursday, and oh my, it was just the funniest, cos I had no bend in me leg and trying to get me in her car with 2 of her kids was just the funniest thing ever, and now matter how hard they pushed and the doctor shoved they couldnt get me in LMFAO.... I ended up laying on the back seat of her car with me leg stuck straight out between the front 2 seats on top of the handbreak LOL...... I was glad to be going home, if not a little scared cos I knew that I was no me own then, with no one to really fall back on...... drugged up to the hills with a list of WHAT NOT TO DO's and an appointment card......
That was 5 weeks ago, and things have so not gone well...... but somehow I will get through this....... if not, there is always the option of a short rope and directions to a tall tree, and that at this moment in time looks like a pretty good option.......
So I dont know where I will be in he coming days, next week is school break, it was school break 5 weeks ago when I was in hospital, all those weeks and no step nearer running around...... its frustrating and depressing....... and next week most of me maties will be away camping or on holiday for the half term break, so I aint told them that I might be back in hospital, so again I will have to face whatever happens this time completely on me own......
But, first I want to fank everyone for your good thoughts and wishes whilst Ive gone through the mill...... and those that sent me a card or a letter or an email, that made me smile and laff and dragged me out of my pit of dispair, then I thank you from me soul, and for the few little parcels that I have received, from people that barely know me.... fank you..... ya see, just a kind word or a simple card to someone that feels scared and alone, can make such a difference to their day.... so I fank you all from the bottom of me heart..... Susan especially........ and Jolie.... you know, what Im talking about.....
Its just those little simple gestures that makes such a difference..... well to me they have....... whilst trying to cope with a few upsets from those that I love and have other things on their minds....
See what I mean, just ramblings of a mad crazy scared old crimple woman.....
Twaddling out......... oxo
Monday, 19 May 2008
What Are You Like With That Camera - Part III
Ok.........Things are still very much up in the air here, Im very scared as to what is going to happen and how things are going to turn out, I cant be a crimple, not now in life when its suppose to be 'my time' after struggling raising me lads on me own for all these years..... but...hospital 3 times last week plus once with my Sam cos he broke his Shoulder Blade and tore the ligaments the week before - So I need to shove this post up to make the story almost complete, and to keep me a little sane..... its been a difficult weekend and at times I thought I was loosing the plot of life and found meself spiralling down into a depressed state and so very very tearful and frightened and lonely.......so I thought I would sit here for a bit and write.....so me lads one day will have a complete picture of this time in me life....
Soooooooo........after me op I slept for much of the rest of the day, awaking about teatime, but not really up to eating......ya know... no eating equals NO BEDPANS lol well thats how I see it in my daft head....
I did find I was fitted with a new toy though, it was a morphine machine where I had a button to control me own drugs..... wooooo hoooooooo except ya could only have a top up every 6 minutes.... dam and bugger...... oh how I loved those few morphine drugged up 'away with the fairy' days lol - when off the morphine drip thingie and when the drug trolley use to come round and they would ask if I wanted any painkillers...... hell yes I would say, and if no one wants theirs then Im open to taking them off their hands as well....cos I could get a good price on the street corner for them..... but alas they would not let me do that......but it did make them smile..... everyone else seemed so quiet compared to me lol
This was the drug trolley round...... it was strange, cos over the course of the 8 days of me being in hospital there was some familiar faces of the staff from when I was in 4-5 years ago having me other knee's ligaments replaced..... so that in itself was a little comforting seeing as how on the inside I was still very frightened....but the strangest thing of all was that they remembered me, and remembered me name LOL I mean, how many hundreds of people have they seen over the past 4-5 years yet they still remembered me LOL
when I looked around, the little old 'dead looking' people didnt look so scarey as they had yesterday..... maybe it was in the light of another day or maybe its cos they were sitting up and talking..... the old dear next to me was actually really lovely, she was called Anne and the little lady opposite was named Edna, and they was well chatty, and me being in a bit of a drugged up state was me normal loonie self.... and as I looked to the left there was the other woman that looked like she was in her 50s and she waved at me and said her name of Lynn...... so I smiled but me mind was saying....... gawds sake ladies, this aint no knitting circle we are at, or club for the elderly, we so aint gonna be visiting each other once we leave, but I smiled and chatted and they for some reason seemed to like me...... I get on well with little old people, I think cos, believe it or not I have the patience of a saint and time to listen, and I actually really do find some old people very interesting and very willing to talk to me about the good old days.....
Getting to sleep was hard that night, again the noises but added with the pain and sleeping on me back I dont like..... but I couldnt get out of bed for I had no choice but to put up and shut up lol.....
Friday was a strange day, I seemed to sleep most of it away, until after teatime (which again I just couldnt eat)...... so, drugged up and with no pain I was right proper chatty, ya know, sometimes ya just have to make the most of the place ya in, and the old dears were actually nice, so I was saying that maybe the ones that were able to walk could maybe drag us bedbound ones out down to the Seafront (Haslar is right on the harbour side) and push our beds onto the Gosport Ferry over to Portsmouth and we could go clubbing........ well I think I must of stirred memories for some of them cos within minutes the noise level seemed to get real high and they was laffing and joking and sort of in a make believe world of their own LOL and I was stirring a little more lol.... THEN........ dam and bugger....I was laffing so much that for the first time since me op I NEEDED A WEE.... oh dam, oh bugger, NOOOooooooo this cant be happening...... Edna asked me what was up and I said, dam I need a wee and it was okay for them cos they all had 'Auntie Morris's (then I had to explain AGAIN what Auntie Morris was)...and they laffed even harder lol....
Well ya see, the problem was that the 'nursie' person that was on Friday evening was actually a chappie called 'A' and he was 22 and oh so funny and use to be a drug taker and was full of tattooes and had turned his life around and was training to be a paramedic, and was just so very funny and swore like a trooper but was just 'normal' BUT.... there was no way on this earth I was gonna let him see me landing flaps on no bedpan.......... BUT bloody gobby Edna was laffing and calling him and he was laffing and I SAID NO WAY.... he said Mel you have no choice you aint allowed out of bed....... I said..... get me a frame and I will manage, which he laffed hysterically at me and called me stubborn..... SO I HAD A PLAN....... I asked him to get me one of those chair loos LMFAO.... ya know like the Queen probably used, I said if he got me one of those I could somehow get out of bed and use that...... he was laffing and said there is no way I would be able to do that cos I WAS NOT ALLOWED out of bed.....just get me it I said and pull the curtains around and get me a newspaper to read and I will be fine.......
Christ, how I got out of bed I will never know, with me strapped up leg and me drains dangling on the floor, and drugged up to the heavens, I was laffing and ouching and everyone kept asking if I was ok and I said IM FINE just leave me be, Im reading me paper lmfao....... it was funny, it did break the quietness and stirred up these little old ladies even more into a frenzy lol and when I actually managed to do a tiny wee after about 30 minutes, I sang....... Land Of Hope and Glory (which is a famous british hymn).... so for the next hour we laffed and giggled and the nurses at the station had to keep coming down our end to tell everyone to be quiet..... but a couple did come over to me and whisper 'what have you done to put a spark back into these people'.....
The only thing is........ they expelled me and Lynn from that end of the ward HAHAHAHAHAHA..... during the night they moved our beds down to the other end of the ward LMFAO...... I awoke to find meself amongst different old people...... they said it was to even up the numbers down one end of the ward, but I think it was cos I/we (me and Lynn) nearly caused a riot LMFAO.....and some were on the verge of having a heart attack......
So Margrete opposite me said...... Oh Im so glad they threw you out from that end, we could hear all the noise last night and the laffing and we wanted some of the action lmfao and now here you are down our end..... bloody hell..... I was NOT the paid entertainment ya know....
During Saturday, I was very quiet, not cos of being moved just cos I didnt feel to good, and as the day progressed I got sicker and sicker and by mid afternoon I was wellabit poorly, with such a fever and shaking and feeling cold and just feeling 'out of it'...... so they called for 'Captain Wills'...... now if only I was in a right state of mind...... Captain Wills was the Doctor that was called up from the army ward cos I was so very poorly, and they was a little concerned as to me well being........
Here he is in all his 'Mmmmmmmmmm drop dead gorgeousness' LOL.... so for the next couple of hours he monitored me and everyone was jealous cos he was so lovely and dashing and spoke right proper queens english and was a Captain to boot LOL.....he listened to me heart with his red stethescope (which he left on me table and which I now have here at home as a sovenier lol - ok ok so it accidently fell into me wash bag) - and by early evening when I was past caring a decision was made to whisk me back into theatre and have a scrape around and removed any yuckyness that might of been causing infection and a fever...... so they removed the first 7 inches of staples and had a fiddle around and put me in a tiny little side room for the rest of the night on me own but with a one to one nurse..... why does nuffin ever just go 'normal' with me...... gawds sake.......
Again I lost to much blood in theatre and here is 'A' finding it very funny giving me a top up........
'A' did laff and say..... you and that dam camera, you are well poorly yet still you have ya camera going lmfao....
Do you know they use ya own blood from the drain from ya knee to top up ya blood supply....well first they do and then I needed a top up with someone elses lol - see a right bloody little bleeder I am....
Ok, enough boring Twaddling rubbish for a Monday, Ive got an appointment at the hospital........ except for me hospital appointments, I aint been out the house but once since coming home from hospital, aint very mobile, and its scarey, and Im becoming very isolated and a bit of a hermit now and not wanting to really see anyone....or talk to anyone,,... sigh..... what a pickle aye.... what a dam bloody pickle I find meself in.........
No hand to hold here, no encouraging words...... and its those little things that gives one spirit and hope.... neither of which I have at the moment...
One last little post to come and thats it, done and dusted and written for me lads to read once Im dead and gone...lol
x
Soooooooo........after me op I slept for much of the rest of the day, awaking about teatime, but not really up to eating......ya know... no eating equals NO BEDPANS lol well thats how I see it in my daft head....
I did find I was fitted with a new toy though, it was a morphine machine where I had a button to control me own drugs..... wooooo hoooooooo except ya could only have a top up every 6 minutes.... dam and bugger...... oh how I loved those few morphine drugged up 'away with the fairy' days lol - when off the morphine drip thingie and when the drug trolley use to come round and they would ask if I wanted any painkillers...... hell yes I would say, and if no one wants theirs then Im open to taking them off their hands as well....cos I could get a good price on the street corner for them..... but alas they would not let me do that......but it did make them smile..... everyone else seemed so quiet compared to me lol
This was the drug trolley round...... it was strange, cos over the course of the 8 days of me being in hospital there was some familiar faces of the staff from when I was in 4-5 years ago having me other knee's ligaments replaced..... so that in itself was a little comforting seeing as how on the inside I was still very frightened....but the strangest thing of all was that they remembered me, and remembered me name LOL I mean, how many hundreds of people have they seen over the past 4-5 years yet they still remembered me LOL
when I looked around, the little old 'dead looking' people didnt look so scarey as they had yesterday..... maybe it was in the light of another day or maybe its cos they were sitting up and talking..... the old dear next to me was actually really lovely, she was called Anne and the little lady opposite was named Edna, and they was well chatty, and me being in a bit of a drugged up state was me normal loonie self.... and as I looked to the left there was the other woman that looked like she was in her 50s and she waved at me and said her name of Lynn...... so I smiled but me mind was saying....... gawds sake ladies, this aint no knitting circle we are at, or club for the elderly, we so aint gonna be visiting each other once we leave, but I smiled and chatted and they for some reason seemed to like me...... I get on well with little old people, I think cos, believe it or not I have the patience of a saint and time to listen, and I actually really do find some old people very interesting and very willing to talk to me about the good old days.....
Getting to sleep was hard that night, again the noises but added with the pain and sleeping on me back I dont like..... but I couldnt get out of bed for I had no choice but to put up and shut up lol.....
Friday was a strange day, I seemed to sleep most of it away, until after teatime (which again I just couldnt eat)...... so, drugged up and with no pain I was right proper chatty, ya know, sometimes ya just have to make the most of the place ya in, and the old dears were actually nice, so I was saying that maybe the ones that were able to walk could maybe drag us bedbound ones out down to the Seafront (Haslar is right on the harbour side) and push our beds onto the Gosport Ferry over to Portsmouth and we could go clubbing........ well I think I must of stirred memories for some of them cos within minutes the noise level seemed to get real high and they was laffing and joking and sort of in a make believe world of their own LOL and I was stirring a little more lol.... THEN........ dam and bugger....I was laffing so much that for the first time since me op I NEEDED A WEE.... oh dam, oh bugger, NOOOooooooo this cant be happening...... Edna asked me what was up and I said, dam I need a wee and it was okay for them cos they all had 'Auntie Morris's (then I had to explain AGAIN what Auntie Morris was)...and they laffed even harder lol....
Well ya see, the problem was that the 'nursie' person that was on Friday evening was actually a chappie called 'A' and he was 22 and oh so funny and use to be a drug taker and was full of tattooes and had turned his life around and was training to be a paramedic, and was just so very funny and swore like a trooper but was just 'normal' BUT.... there was no way on this earth I was gonna let him see me landing flaps on no bedpan.......... BUT bloody gobby Edna was laffing and calling him and he was laffing and I SAID NO WAY.... he said Mel you have no choice you aint allowed out of bed....... I said..... get me a frame and I will manage, which he laffed hysterically at me and called me stubborn..... SO I HAD A PLAN....... I asked him to get me one of those chair loos LMFAO.... ya know like the Queen probably used, I said if he got me one of those I could somehow get out of bed and use that...... he was laffing and said there is no way I would be able to do that cos I WAS NOT ALLOWED out of bed.....just get me it I said and pull the curtains around and get me a newspaper to read and I will be fine.......
Christ, how I got out of bed I will never know, with me strapped up leg and me drains dangling on the floor, and drugged up to the heavens, I was laffing and ouching and everyone kept asking if I was ok and I said IM FINE just leave me be, Im reading me paper lmfao....... it was funny, it did break the quietness and stirred up these little old ladies even more into a frenzy lol and when I actually managed to do a tiny wee after about 30 minutes, I sang....... Land Of Hope and Glory (which is a famous british hymn).... so for the next hour we laffed and giggled and the nurses at the station had to keep coming down our end to tell everyone to be quiet..... but a couple did come over to me and whisper 'what have you done to put a spark back into these people'.....
The only thing is........ they expelled me and Lynn from that end of the ward HAHAHAHAHAHA..... during the night they moved our beds down to the other end of the ward LMFAO...... I awoke to find meself amongst different old people...... they said it was to even up the numbers down one end of the ward, but I think it was cos I/we (me and Lynn) nearly caused a riot LMFAO.....and some were on the verge of having a heart attack......
So Margrete opposite me said...... Oh Im so glad they threw you out from that end, we could hear all the noise last night and the laffing and we wanted some of the action lmfao and now here you are down our end..... bloody hell..... I was NOT the paid entertainment ya know....
During Saturday, I was very quiet, not cos of being moved just cos I didnt feel to good, and as the day progressed I got sicker and sicker and by mid afternoon I was wellabit poorly, with such a fever and shaking and feeling cold and just feeling 'out of it'...... so they called for 'Captain Wills'...... now if only I was in a right state of mind...... Captain Wills was the Doctor that was called up from the army ward cos I was so very poorly, and they was a little concerned as to me well being........
Here he is in all his 'Mmmmmmmmmm drop dead gorgeousness' LOL.... so for the next couple of hours he monitored me and everyone was jealous cos he was so lovely and dashing and spoke right proper queens english and was a Captain to boot LOL.....he listened to me heart with his red stethescope (which he left on me table and which I now have here at home as a sovenier lol - ok ok so it accidently fell into me wash bag) - and by early evening when I was past caring a decision was made to whisk me back into theatre and have a scrape around and removed any yuckyness that might of been causing infection and a fever...... so they removed the first 7 inches of staples and had a fiddle around and put me in a tiny little side room for the rest of the night on me own but with a one to one nurse..... why does nuffin ever just go 'normal' with me...... gawds sake.......
Again I lost to much blood in theatre and here is 'A' finding it very funny giving me a top up........
'A' did laff and say..... you and that dam camera, you are well poorly yet still you have ya camera going lmfao....
Do you know they use ya own blood from the drain from ya knee to top up ya blood supply....well first they do and then I needed a top up with someone elses lol - see a right bloody little bleeder I am....
Ok, enough boring Twaddling rubbish for a Monday, Ive got an appointment at the hospital........ except for me hospital appointments, I aint been out the house but once since coming home from hospital, aint very mobile, and its scarey, and Im becoming very isolated and a bit of a hermit now and not wanting to really see anyone....or talk to anyone,,... sigh..... what a pickle aye.... what a dam bloody pickle I find meself in.........
No hand to hold here, no encouraging words...... and its those little things that gives one spirit and hope.... neither of which I have at the moment...
One last little post to come and thats it, done and dusted and written for me lads to read once Im dead and gone...lol
x
Wednesday, 7 May 2008
Bloody Little Bleeder..... Part II
Ok.......... so I stayed in the telly room the night before me op til gone 2am in the morning, and when exhaustion finally crept up on me I tiptoed down the ward to Bed Number 3..... the dimmed centre lights were so low, it was all I could do to find the right bed lol...... I quickly undressed and climbed into bed, jebus those pillows were hard...... ya see, I have this one feather pillow at home that Ive had for years and years, I love it, its all snuggly and soft and old and it smells of home, but here I had 3 hard hospital pillows, but ya know, at least I had me blankie with me, I knew tonight was the last night for a while that I would be able to sleep curled up on me side with me knees all bent and in that lovely safe curled position......
But sleep I most certainly did not lol...... let me explain...... sleeping in a ward with 23 other patients, all of them elderly bar one woman that I had spied earlier, she must of been in her 50s.... anyways, the moans and groans of elderly people when they sleep is enough to waken the dead, added to that, the noise of the foot pump machines that every patient had fitted and working with the constant WHOOOOSH and WHEEEESH as they pumped and deflated to keep the circulation going in those frail bodies.... added to that the nurses at the centre station pushing the obs machine from bed to bed, with the blood pressure monitor beeping and the buzzers buzzing cos someone needed a bedpan, that coupled with the chit chat noise of the nurses chatting...... there are things I learnt about their private lives that night I could write a book about lol.....
So, sleep didnt come, I tried laying on me side and putting one of the pillows over me head to cover me ears just trying to block out the noises of the crypt, but a nurse walked by and ran and grabbed the pillow off me, startling me so much that I jumped to a sitting position which startled her so much that she screamed LMFAO...... I think she must of thought I was trying to do away with meself ..... we both ended up laffing so hard that patients started putting on side lights to see what the commotion was about.....
I even tried sleeping with me head pressed into the pillow and a finger jammed in the exposed ear, only to find I made me ear bleed lmfao.....so much so that the nurse had to come and change me pillowcase lol..... more laffing.... more side lights..... no more sleep....
When 6 o'clock dawned and the centre lights were switched on fully with rumbling sounds of a tea trolley, I just pulled the covers over me head cos I had thought I had died and gone to hell..... 'Tea love' someone said.... no fanks I mumbled, cant you read me sign, it says NIL BY MOUTH..... oh my, my mistake she said, and I heard the trolley trundle off to the next bed....
Ok, a nurse said, you are second on the list this morning so you dont have to rush to have a shower, you will go down about 10ish....... oh whoopee do, time to have a shower and wash all be bits that might be exposed under theatre lights lol.....
9.30 came and I was given one of those bum flapping hospital gowns, very sexy with me big bum hanging out the back lol.... any jewellery the nurse asked..... well I said me bangles wont come off cos they have been on for over 20 years and I had to dislocate me thumbs to get them on, so they so aint coming off.... thats ok she said, we will tape them up, as they did with me top ear ring that we just couldnt get out....... anymore she asked..... oh, what about me 'down there piercing' I said with a giggle........ oh my she said that will soooooo have to come out....... JUST A JOKE I replied.. ok, she said now I dont believe you...... honest I said I dont really have a 'down there piercing'.... well she said, if you do and you dont take it out and the equipment shorts then your 'down there' is going to be in for quite a shock.... she said giggling........ thats ok I said, it will awaken me landing flaps, cos its been a while since the eagle has landed....... ok that sent her for some reason into fits of giggles lol.....
Me Surgeon came round to see me with both the 'gas chamber' blokes, I had to sign those forms that say if ya die during the operation then its not fault of the hospitals etc and that ya cant sue........ like, if ya dead ya can sue anyways lol..... I signed and he said 'we'll see you in 15 at the party. come dressed for the occasion'.... I am I said, I have on me HUGE hospital soul food knickers and me bum flapper gown, you had better get ready to dance your socks off...... oh I think Im gonna enjoy this one he said........ what the hell does that mean lol....
Just before they wheeled me down to theatre I had the good sense to grab me camera and hide it under the covers.....
When we got into theatre, I was prepped in the little side room with that thingie in ya hand, well after the third attempt at getting the needle in that is.... I asked the gas chamber bloke (the army one) if he had done this before, or if he had just wandered in off the streets, which started him giggling and me fearing for me life lol and yep.....I asked him if he wanted me to wiggle around like in front line war conditions if it would make it easier lol..... blood gushing out everywhere and I was only in the side room LOL
This was his third attempt at finding a vein..... bloody amatures lol
He said I was a bit of a bleeder, to which I said, well me father use to call me that as a child only it was in a raised voice and it was more like 'you bloody little bleeder'.......
So, the IV thingie in place we went through into the operating theatre where I was swamped with a sea of 7 or 8 faces..... wow, I thought this was just a simple quickie thingie - loads of equipment, I even spied a drill like we have at home under the sink.... I wonder if they got it on offer like I did....lol - see how my brain dashes around....
I had decided to stay awake for this op, so that I could make sure that I didnt die and that they knew what they were doing..... so I had to sit on the edge of the operating table and arch me back so that the gas chamber bloke could find the right gap in me spine to shove in the needle to nerve block me...... so the NICE gas man said, cold spray Mel then hold real still ok.... to which I said...... fank goodness its you doing me spine block and not the skinny bummed army bloke with no sense of humour that cocked up me IV....... with that all 7 of the people in the room started to laff and over me shoulder I heard a whisper...... oh you mean me :)...... bloody hell, talk about putting ya foot in ya mouth LMFAO.... he did laff though.... ok lets get this show on the road...... with the nerve block ya have to also have a bit of sedation, ya can have fully that just makes ya sleep without knocking ya out, or ya can have a little that makes it feel like ya've had a couple of glasses of wine.... but ya still awake and aware of stuff going on, but unlike when ya have those couple of glasses of wine, ya dont dance on the tables lol
WAIT WAIT I said before he pumped me full of gin and orange...... Ive bought me camera can someone please please take some photos for me...... for me blob..... please, I promise to be good lol....... Mr Dalton me Surgeon said 'well if that aint a first, and for the dam cheek of it, I'll allow it' and he handed me camera to one of the theatre nurses.....with, why on earth you want pictures of whats gonna happen is beyond me........ he just didnt understand.... lol
WAIT WAIT I said, I just need to ask something....... Im going to be awake right...... yes gas man said......... Im not going to be able to feel the actual op right but I will feel my body move as ya tug and hear the drills and things right...... yes gas man said....... ok I said, but what if things go wrong and Im awake...... they wont, the gas man said........ ok, I said, but promise me one thing....ok, he said, you name it........ if things goes wrong I dont wanna hear..... SHIT WE HAVE A BLEEDER HERE...or.... WE'RE LOSING HER.... or.... STAND CLEAR...... or LET HER GO DO NOT RESUSS..... I was being serious as I looked at the gas man...... please I said, I dont wanna hear that.... he patted my arm and said Mel, at the first sign of trouble I will 'do me stuff' and I will knock you right out of it, so you will not hear a thing, I promise, I aint lost anyone yet.... huge smile on his face....... ok...... I feel safe, I said..... you may continue.... and for some reason that made him LAFF OUT LOUD lol
Any last requests he said........ ok I said, just a few....... first of all dont feed me pork sarnies during this op cos Im allergic to pork.... done he said....... second.... please please please dont give an an Auntie Morris, please, I promise I will NOT wet me bed, please I so dont wanna Auntie Morris (I then had to explain what that was LMFAO)...... ok, done he said....... oh, and I dont do pink, so no pink blankets...... this made him laff.... ok, done he said..... oh and I dont do bedpans...... ok he said, we wont make you wear one as a hat...... Mel, are you quite finished....... yep I said...... go do ya stuff LOL
Ok, here goes.....no wonder one is a tad uncomfortable after ........... I hope ya not just gonna be tucking into ya dinner lol - these were taken on my little digita camera that I take everywhere with me......
The first cut is the deepest........ now, aint that a song....
Ok, maybe the second one is lol..........
Just before the surgeon started he said.... ok Mel (I couldnt see anything cos I was behind a blue sheet thingie).... just making the first cut......... I waited a couple of seconds and then went ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh, the gas man looked at me all concerned..... please tell me you didnt feel that........ nope I said, just keeping ya on ya toes lol......
Doesnt this one look like a jacket potatoe with a knob of butter lol..... thats actually me kneecap lmfao
This was some cutting tool thingie....
See how wide they stretch the skin on ya leg.....
Nice drill LOL
He did comment that I actually did bleed ALOT....... but alas it was not blue blood.... dang, there goes me dreams of being royalty.... now me only hope of being a princess is for a knight in shining armour to come into me life LOL....
It was weird laying there chatting to the 2 gas men, and hearing the conversation of the surgeons and hearing the noise of the drills and the hammer thingie and the cutter thing that cut the end of me femur off in a dovetail shape like in a good old antique chest of drawers..... and feeling me body move as they pushed and shoved and lifted me leg........... 2 1/2 hours seemed to fly by...... I only found out a little later that Mr Gas Man sedated me a little more towards the end which made me real sleepy cos it was a mixture of morphine which would help with the pain when back on the ward....... and it was NOT cos I didnt stop talking lmfao......
BBQ spare ribs anyone??........ actually these are all the bits of me femur and me tibia that they cut off..... It surprised me just how much they cut off....
And it was not until the next day when I was clicking through the photos on me camera that I was told what this picture was...... if I had realised at the time, I would of asked for some of the bits of bone to put with me skull and bone collection...... but by the time I realised, it was all to late.....
So..... 2 1/2 hours latter...... cut, drilled, hammered, laffs, and with much blood loss, I found meself in a special little room called recovery room..... and guess what the bastards had done......... GO ON, BLOODY GUESS........
Oh they thought it would be real funny to give me a PINK blanket LOL........ oh no, please, I thought to meself, no Auntie Morris, I reached to the side of the bed looking for a bag hanging from the end of the bed........ gas man saw me and must smiled and said........ its ok Mel, I promised ya NO Auntie Morris........ bless that man LMFAO
I did bleed way to much and had to have loads of extra blood to top me upThey refussed to slip in a couple of vodkas so that it was a bloody mary, dam spoil sports lol....
Sometimes I wish I was quiet and normal and didnt talk to much lol..... but I dont know how to be anyone but me.... not in any situation...... no matter how scared I am LMFAO
I remember being wheeled back to slot number 3 in the ward, it must of been visiting time cos the ward was packed and so NOISEY, and the bed next to me sort of was overflowing with visitors into my space and staring at me...... when the nurse came to settle me in..... I asked if the curtains could be pulled cos I felt like a freak show with so many people and so much noise...... its not usual policy she said..... but I will she said........ and with that I was out of it till the evening.... I slept the whole day away.....
Lets see what the morrow would bring........
Hope the photos didnt gross ya out to much....
Ok, to much Twaddle for anyone to of read........ but its more just an account for me lads then anyone else, so that oneday they might read me stuff like a diary..... I bet if they do, they will think Im crazy lol....
X
But sleep I most certainly did not lol...... let me explain...... sleeping in a ward with 23 other patients, all of them elderly bar one woman that I had spied earlier, she must of been in her 50s.... anyways, the moans and groans of elderly people when they sleep is enough to waken the dead, added to that, the noise of the foot pump machines that every patient had fitted and working with the constant WHOOOOSH and WHEEEESH as they pumped and deflated to keep the circulation going in those frail bodies.... added to that the nurses at the centre station pushing the obs machine from bed to bed, with the blood pressure monitor beeping and the buzzers buzzing cos someone needed a bedpan, that coupled with the chit chat noise of the nurses chatting...... there are things I learnt about their private lives that night I could write a book about lol.....
So, sleep didnt come, I tried laying on me side and putting one of the pillows over me head to cover me ears just trying to block out the noises of the crypt, but a nurse walked by and ran and grabbed the pillow off me, startling me so much that I jumped to a sitting position which startled her so much that she screamed LMFAO...... I think she must of thought I was trying to do away with meself ..... we both ended up laffing so hard that patients started putting on side lights to see what the commotion was about.....
I even tried sleeping with me head pressed into the pillow and a finger jammed in the exposed ear, only to find I made me ear bleed lmfao.....so much so that the nurse had to come and change me pillowcase lol..... more laffing.... more side lights..... no more sleep....
When 6 o'clock dawned and the centre lights were switched on fully with rumbling sounds of a tea trolley, I just pulled the covers over me head cos I had thought I had died and gone to hell..... 'Tea love' someone said.... no fanks I mumbled, cant you read me sign, it says NIL BY MOUTH..... oh my, my mistake she said, and I heard the trolley trundle off to the next bed....
Ok, a nurse said, you are second on the list this morning so you dont have to rush to have a shower, you will go down about 10ish....... oh whoopee do, time to have a shower and wash all be bits that might be exposed under theatre lights lol.....
9.30 came and I was given one of those bum flapping hospital gowns, very sexy with me big bum hanging out the back lol.... any jewellery the nurse asked..... well I said me bangles wont come off cos they have been on for over 20 years and I had to dislocate me thumbs to get them on, so they so aint coming off.... thats ok she said, we will tape them up, as they did with me top ear ring that we just couldnt get out....... anymore she asked..... oh, what about me 'down there piercing' I said with a giggle........ oh my she said that will soooooo have to come out....... JUST A JOKE I replied.. ok, she said now I dont believe you...... honest I said I dont really have a 'down there piercing'.... well she said, if you do and you dont take it out and the equipment shorts then your 'down there' is going to be in for quite a shock.... she said giggling........ thats ok I said, it will awaken me landing flaps, cos its been a while since the eagle has landed....... ok that sent her for some reason into fits of giggles lol.....
Me Surgeon came round to see me with both the 'gas chamber' blokes, I had to sign those forms that say if ya die during the operation then its not fault of the hospitals etc and that ya cant sue........ like, if ya dead ya can sue anyways lol..... I signed and he said 'we'll see you in 15 at the party. come dressed for the occasion'.... I am I said, I have on me HUGE hospital soul food knickers and me bum flapper gown, you had better get ready to dance your socks off...... oh I think Im gonna enjoy this one he said........ what the hell does that mean lol....
Just before they wheeled me down to theatre I had the good sense to grab me camera and hide it under the covers.....
When we got into theatre, I was prepped in the little side room with that thingie in ya hand, well after the third attempt at getting the needle in that is.... I asked the gas chamber bloke (the army one) if he had done this before, or if he had just wandered in off the streets, which started him giggling and me fearing for me life lol and yep.....I asked him if he wanted me to wiggle around like in front line war conditions if it would make it easier lol..... blood gushing out everywhere and I was only in the side room LOL
This was his third attempt at finding a vein..... bloody amatures lol
He said I was a bit of a bleeder, to which I said, well me father use to call me that as a child only it was in a raised voice and it was more like 'you bloody little bleeder'.......
So, the IV thingie in place we went through into the operating theatre where I was swamped with a sea of 7 or 8 faces..... wow, I thought this was just a simple quickie thingie - loads of equipment, I even spied a drill like we have at home under the sink.... I wonder if they got it on offer like I did....lol - see how my brain dashes around....
I had decided to stay awake for this op, so that I could make sure that I didnt die and that they knew what they were doing..... so I had to sit on the edge of the operating table and arch me back so that the gas chamber bloke could find the right gap in me spine to shove in the needle to nerve block me...... so the NICE gas man said, cold spray Mel then hold real still ok.... to which I said...... fank goodness its you doing me spine block and not the skinny bummed army bloke with no sense of humour that cocked up me IV....... with that all 7 of the people in the room started to laff and over me shoulder I heard a whisper...... oh you mean me :)...... bloody hell, talk about putting ya foot in ya mouth LMFAO.... he did laff though.... ok lets get this show on the road...... with the nerve block ya have to also have a bit of sedation, ya can have fully that just makes ya sleep without knocking ya out, or ya can have a little that makes it feel like ya've had a couple of glasses of wine.... but ya still awake and aware of stuff going on, but unlike when ya have those couple of glasses of wine, ya dont dance on the tables lol
WAIT WAIT I said before he pumped me full of gin and orange...... Ive bought me camera can someone please please take some photos for me...... for me blob..... please, I promise to be good lol....... Mr Dalton me Surgeon said 'well if that aint a first, and for the dam cheek of it, I'll allow it' and he handed me camera to one of the theatre nurses.....with, why on earth you want pictures of whats gonna happen is beyond me........ he just didnt understand.... lol
WAIT WAIT I said, I just need to ask something....... Im going to be awake right...... yes gas man said......... Im not going to be able to feel the actual op right but I will feel my body move as ya tug and hear the drills and things right...... yes gas man said....... ok I said, but what if things go wrong and Im awake...... they wont, the gas man said........ ok, I said, but promise me one thing....ok, he said, you name it........ if things goes wrong I dont wanna hear..... SHIT WE HAVE A BLEEDER HERE...or.... WE'RE LOSING HER.... or.... STAND CLEAR...... or LET HER GO DO NOT RESUSS..... I was being serious as I looked at the gas man...... please I said, I dont wanna hear that.... he patted my arm and said Mel, at the first sign of trouble I will 'do me stuff' and I will knock you right out of it, so you will not hear a thing, I promise, I aint lost anyone yet.... huge smile on his face....... ok...... I feel safe, I said..... you may continue.... and for some reason that made him LAFF OUT LOUD lol
Any last requests he said........ ok I said, just a few....... first of all dont feed me pork sarnies during this op cos Im allergic to pork.... done he said....... second.... please please please dont give an an Auntie Morris, please, I promise I will NOT wet me bed, please I so dont wanna Auntie Morris (I then had to explain what that was LMFAO)...... ok, done he said....... oh, and I dont do pink, so no pink blankets...... this made him laff.... ok, done he said..... oh and I dont do bedpans...... ok he said, we wont make you wear one as a hat...... Mel, are you quite finished....... yep I said...... go do ya stuff LOL
Ok, here goes.....no wonder one is a tad uncomfortable after ........... I hope ya not just gonna be tucking into ya dinner lol - these were taken on my little digita camera that I take everywhere with me......
The first cut is the deepest........ now, aint that a song....
Ok, maybe the second one is lol..........
Just before the surgeon started he said.... ok Mel (I couldnt see anything cos I was behind a blue sheet thingie).... just making the first cut......... I waited a couple of seconds and then went ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh, the gas man looked at me all concerned..... please tell me you didnt feel that........ nope I said, just keeping ya on ya toes lol......
Doesnt this one look like a jacket potatoe with a knob of butter lol..... thats actually me kneecap lmfao
This was some cutting tool thingie....
See how wide they stretch the skin on ya leg.....
Nice drill LOL
He did comment that I actually did bleed ALOT....... but alas it was not blue blood.... dang, there goes me dreams of being royalty.... now me only hope of being a princess is for a knight in shining armour to come into me life LOL....
It was weird laying there chatting to the 2 gas men, and hearing the conversation of the surgeons and hearing the noise of the drills and the hammer thingie and the cutter thing that cut the end of me femur off in a dovetail shape like in a good old antique chest of drawers..... and feeling me body move as they pushed and shoved and lifted me leg........... 2 1/2 hours seemed to fly by...... I only found out a little later that Mr Gas Man sedated me a little more towards the end which made me real sleepy cos it was a mixture of morphine which would help with the pain when back on the ward....... and it was NOT cos I didnt stop talking lmfao......
BBQ spare ribs anyone??........ actually these are all the bits of me femur and me tibia that they cut off..... It surprised me just how much they cut off....
And it was not until the next day when I was clicking through the photos on me camera that I was told what this picture was...... if I had realised at the time, I would of asked for some of the bits of bone to put with me skull and bone collection...... but by the time I realised, it was all to late.....
So..... 2 1/2 hours latter...... cut, drilled, hammered, laffs, and with much blood loss, I found meself in a special little room called recovery room..... and guess what the bastards had done......... GO ON, BLOODY GUESS........
Oh they thought it would be real funny to give me a PINK blanket LOL........ oh no, please, I thought to meself, no Auntie Morris, I reached to the side of the bed looking for a bag hanging from the end of the bed........ gas man saw me and must smiled and said........ its ok Mel, I promised ya NO Auntie Morris........ bless that man LMFAO
I did bleed way to much and had to have loads of extra blood to top me upThey refussed to slip in a couple of vodkas so that it was a bloody mary, dam spoil sports lol....
Sometimes I wish I was quiet and normal and didnt talk to much lol..... but I dont know how to be anyone but me.... not in any situation...... no matter how scared I am LMFAO
I remember being wheeled back to slot number 3 in the ward, it must of been visiting time cos the ward was packed and so NOISEY, and the bed next to me sort of was overflowing with visitors into my space and staring at me...... when the nurse came to settle me in..... I asked if the curtains could be pulled cos I felt like a freak show with so many people and so much noise...... its not usual policy she said..... but I will she said........ and with that I was out of it till the evening.... I slept the whole day away.....
Lets see what the morrow would bring........
Hope the photos didnt gross ya out to much....
Ok, to much Twaddle for anyone to of read........ but its more just an account for me lads then anyone else, so that oneday they might read me stuff like a diary..... I bet if they do, they will think Im crazy lol....
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