Bloody Little Bleeder..... Part II

Ok.......... so I stayed in the telly room the night before me op til gone 2am in the morning, and when exhaustion finally crept up on me I tiptoed down the ward to Bed Number 3..... the dimmed centre lights were so low, it was all I could do to find the right bed lol...... I quickly undressed and climbed into bed, jebus those pillows were hard...... ya see, I have this one feather pillow at home that Ive had for years and years, I love it, its all snuggly and soft and old and it smells of home, but here I had 3 hard hospital pillows, but ya know, at least I had me blankie with me, I knew tonight was the last night for a while that I would be able to sleep curled up on me side with me knees all bent and in that lovely safe curled position......

But sleep I most certainly did not lol...... let me explain...... sleeping in a ward with 23 other patients, all of them elderly bar one woman that I had spied earlier, she must of been in her 50s.... anyways, the moans and groans of elderly people when they sleep is enough to waken the dead, added to that, the noise of the foot pump machines that every patient had fitted and working with the constant WHOOOOSH and WHEEEESH as they pumped and deflated to keep the circulation going in those frail bodies.... added to that the nurses at the centre station pushing the obs machine from bed to bed, with the blood pressure monitor beeping and the buzzers buzzing cos someone needed a bedpan, that coupled with the chit chat noise of the nurses chatting...... there are things I learnt about their private lives that night I could write a book about lol.....

So, sleep didnt come, I tried laying on me side and putting one of the pillows over me head to cover me ears just trying to block out the noises of the crypt, but a nurse walked by and ran and grabbed the pillow off me, startling me so much that I jumped to a sitting position which startled her so much that she screamed LMFAO...... I think she must of thought I was trying to do away with meself ..... we both ended up laffing so hard that patients started putting on side lights to see what the commotion was about.....

I even tried sleeping with me head pressed into the pillow and a finger jammed in the exposed ear, only to find I made me ear bleed lmfao.....so much so that the nurse had to come and change me pillowcase lol..... more laffing.... more side lights..... no more sleep....

When 6 o'clock dawned and the centre lights were switched on fully with rumbling sounds of a tea trolley, I just pulled the covers over me head cos I had thought I had died and gone to hell..... 'Tea love' someone said.... no fanks I mumbled, cant you read me sign, it says NIL BY MOUTH..... oh my, my mistake she said, and I heard the trolley trundle off to the next bed....

Ok, a nurse said, you are second on the list this morning so you dont have to rush to have a shower, you will go down about 10ish....... oh whoopee do, time to have a shower and wash all be bits that might be exposed under theatre lights lol.....

9.30 came and I was given one of those bum flapping hospital gowns, very sexy with me big bum hanging out the back lol.... any jewellery the nurse asked..... well I said me bangles wont come off cos they have been on for over 20 years and I had to dislocate me thumbs to get them on, so they so aint coming off.... thats ok she said, we will tape them up, as they did with me top ear ring that we just couldnt get out....... anymore she asked..... oh, what about me 'down there piercing' I said with a giggle........ oh my she said that will soooooo have to come out....... JUST A JOKE I replied.. ok, she said now I dont believe you...... honest I said I dont really have a 'down there piercing'.... well she said, if you do and you dont take it out and the equipment shorts then your 'down there' is going to be in for quite a shock.... she said giggling........ thats ok I said, it will awaken me landing flaps, cos its been a while since the eagle has landed....... ok that sent her for some reason into fits of giggles lol.....

Me Surgeon came round to see me with both the 'gas chamber' blokes, I had to sign those forms that say if ya die during the operation then its not fault of the hospitals etc and that ya cant sue........ like, if ya dead ya can sue anyways lol..... I signed and he said 'we'll see you in 15 at the party. come dressed for the occasion'.... I am I said, I have on me HUGE hospital soul food knickers and me bum flapper gown, you had better get ready to dance your socks off...... oh I think Im gonna enjoy this one he said........ what the hell does that mean lol....

Just before they wheeled me down to theatre I had the good sense to grab me camera and hide it under the covers.....

When we got into theatre, I was prepped in the little side room with that thingie in ya hand, well after the third attempt at getting the needle in that is.... I asked the gas chamber bloke (the army one) if he had done this before, or if he had just wandered in off the streets, which started him giggling and me fearing for me life lol and yep.....I asked him if he wanted me to wiggle around like in front line war conditions if it would make it easier lol..... blood gushing out everywhere and I was only in the side room LOL



This was his third attempt at finding a vein..... bloody amatures lol

He said I was a bit of a bleeder, to which I said, well me father use to call me that as a child only it was in a raised voice and it was more like 'you bloody little bleeder'.......

So, the IV thingie in place we went through into the operating theatre where I was swamped with a sea of 7 or 8 faces..... wow, I thought this was just a simple quickie thingie - loads of equipment, I even spied a drill like we have at home under the sink.... I wonder if they got it on offer like I did....lol - see how my brain dashes around....

I had decided to stay awake for this op, so that I could make sure that I didnt die and that they knew what they were doing..... so I had to sit on the edge of the operating table and arch me back so that the gas chamber bloke could find the right gap in me spine to shove in the needle to nerve block me...... so the NICE gas man said, cold spray Mel then hold real still ok.... to which I said...... fank goodness its you doing me spine block and not the skinny bummed army bloke with no sense of humour that cocked up me IV....... with that all 7 of the people in the room started to laff and over me shoulder I heard a whisper...... oh you mean me :)...... bloody hell, talk about putting ya foot in ya mouth LMFAO.... he did laff though.... ok lets get this show on the road...... with the nerve block ya have to also have a bit of sedation, ya can have fully that just makes ya sleep without knocking ya out, or ya can have a little that makes it feel like ya've had a couple of glasses of wine.... but ya still awake and aware of stuff going on, but unlike when ya have those couple of glasses of wine, ya dont dance on the tables lol

WAIT WAIT I said before he pumped me full of gin and orange...... Ive bought me camera can someone please please take some photos for me...... for me blob..... please, I promise to be good lol....... Mr Dalton me Surgeon said 'well if that aint a first, and for the dam cheek of it, I'll allow it' and he handed me camera to one of the theatre nurses.....with, why on earth you want pictures of whats gonna happen is beyond me........ he just didnt understand.... lol

WAIT WAIT I said, I just need to ask something....... Im going to be awake right...... yes gas man said......... Im not going to be able to feel the actual op right but I will feel my body move as ya tug and hear the drills and things right...... yes gas man said....... ok I said, but what if things go wrong and Im awake...... they wont, the gas man said........ ok, I said, but promise me one thing....ok, he said, you name it........ if things goes wrong I dont wanna hear..... SHIT WE HAVE A BLEEDER HERE...or.... WE'RE LOSING HER.... or.... STAND CLEAR...... or LET HER GO DO NOT RESUSS..... I was being serious as I looked at the gas man...... please I said, I dont wanna hear that.... he patted my arm and said Mel, at the first sign of trouble I will 'do me stuff' and I will knock you right out of it, so you will not hear a thing, I promise, I aint lost anyone yet.... huge smile on his face....... ok...... I feel safe, I said..... you may continue.... and for some reason that made him LAFF OUT LOUD lol

Any last requests he said........ ok I said, just a few....... first of all dont feed me pork sarnies during this op cos Im allergic to pork.... done he said....... second.... please please please dont give an an Auntie Morris, please, I promise I will NOT wet me bed, please I so dont wanna Auntie Morris (I then had to explain what that was LMFAO)...... ok, done he said....... oh, and I dont do pink, so no pink blankets...... this made him laff.... ok, done he said..... oh and I dont do bedpans...... ok he said, we wont make you wear one as a hat...... Mel, are you quite finished....... yep I said...... go do ya stuff LOL

Ok, here goes.....no wonder one is a tad uncomfortable after ........... I hope ya not just gonna be tucking into ya dinner lol - these were taken on my little digita camera that I take everywhere with me......



The first cut is the deepest........ now, aint that a song....



Ok, maybe the second one is lol..........

Just before the surgeon started he said.... ok Mel (I couldnt see anything cos I was behind a blue sheet thingie).... just making the first cut......... I waited a couple of seconds and then went ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh, the gas man looked at me all concerned..... please tell me you didnt feel that........ nope I said, just keeping ya on ya toes lol......



Doesnt this one look like a jacket potatoe with a knob of butter lol..... thats actually me kneecap lmfao



This was some cutting tool thingie....



See how wide they stretch the skin on ya leg.....



Nice drill LOL



He did comment that I actually did bleed ALOT....... but alas it was not blue blood.... dang, there goes me dreams of being royalty.... now me only hope of being a princess is for a knight in shining armour to come into me life LOL....



It was weird laying there chatting to the 2 gas men, and hearing the conversation of the surgeons and hearing the noise of the drills and the hammer thingie and the cutter thing that cut the end of me femur off in a dovetail shape like in a good old antique chest of drawers..... and feeling me body move as they pushed and shoved and lifted me leg........... 2 1/2 hours seemed to fly by...... I only found out a little later that Mr Gas Man sedated me a little more towards the end which made me real sleepy cos it was a mixture of morphine which would help with the pain when back on the ward....... and it was NOT cos I didnt stop talking lmfao......



BBQ spare ribs anyone??........ actually these are all the bits of me femur and me tibia that they cut off..... It surprised me just how much they cut off....

And it was not until the next day when I was clicking through the photos on me camera that I was told what this picture was...... if I had realised at the time, I would of asked for some of the bits of bone to put with me skull and bone collection...... but by the time I realised, it was all to late.....

So..... 2 1/2 hours latter...... cut, drilled, hammered, laffs, and with much blood loss, I found meself in a special little room called recovery room..... and guess what the bastards had done......... GO ON, BLOODY GUESS........



Oh they thought it would be real funny to give me a PINK blanket LOL........ oh no, please, I thought to meself, no Auntie Morris, I reached to the side of the bed looking for a bag hanging from the end of the bed........ gas man saw me and must smiled and said........ its ok Mel, I promised ya NO Auntie Morris........ bless that man LMFAO

I did bleed way to much and had to have loads of extra blood to top me upThey refussed to slip in a couple of vodkas so that it was a bloody mary, dam spoil sports lol....

Sometimes I wish I was quiet and normal and didnt talk to much lol..... but I dont know how to be anyone but me.... not in any situation...... no matter how scared I am LMFAO

I remember being wheeled back to slot number 3 in the ward, it must of been visiting time cos the ward was packed and so NOISEY, and the bed next to me sort of was overflowing with visitors into my space and staring at me...... when the nurse came to settle me in..... I asked if the curtains could be pulled cos I felt like a freak show with so many people and so much noise...... its not usual policy she said..... but I will she said........ and with that I was out of it till the evening.... I slept the whole day away.....

Lets see what the morrow would bring........

Hope the photos didnt gross ya out to much....

Ok, to much Twaddle for anyone to of read........ but its more just an account for me lads then anyone else, so that oneday they might read me stuff like a diary..... I bet if they do, they will think Im crazy lol....

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