Last Installment - Done And Dusted - Part IV

Ok........... Not such good news at the hospital today, trying to keep me head above water here, trying to deal with this as best I can and keep sane, and a heart wrenching email from a dear friend today, soemone that I hold dear in my heart and havent heard from for a while - its been a very very difficult day...... Back to hospital tomorrow, told to take a bag in with me with 'stuff' just incase......... to say Ive now had enough is such an understatement, maybe time now to bail out....there is only so much ones heart and soul can endure....

anyways...

Those that know me, know how very private I actually am, so sharing so many snippets of meself this past year with so many people has been a tad strange...not the daft stories of me life, but the little private bits........and at times a little unsettling to open up so much, ya see, Im usually 'well ard' and Ive opened up way to much of meself to certain people, and now its come and bit me on me fat arse....

But, I need to put up the conclusion of me hospital trip, LOL@trip.... sometimes I crease meself up.... just need to finish this round so me lads get a complete picture when I am no longer around.......

Right then, rubbing me hands together, lets get it written..... lets get it done and dusted.....


After being expelled from one end of the ward, and then whisked back to theatre on the Saturdee night, the following day was sort of ok, the old dears were so lovely, and they well took the piss out of me cos the reading material I took in was NOT the norm LOL....... me chicken books for a start, also everytime I got a message on me mobile from one of me maties or one of me lads the message tone is very loud and its a COCKERAL sound lmfao....... it actually sounds like a real cockeral in the room, it so made them laff every morning a little after 6.30ish when me maties would start texting me.... they said my corner sounded like a farmyard.... They was also intrigued by me love of Ebay after I explained what it was and everytime someone put something down they would say, dont leave that there long or Mel will Ebay it.... daft sods lol



This was Margete that was opposite me, her oldest son won Master Chef off the telly a few years ago and owns a nice eating place in town and he would bring in wonderful scrummie chocolate cake and he would always bring me in a slice cos he said I made his mums days more bareable LOL.... well anything for a bit of well proper chocolate cake....

I am a right proper people watching person, and I love to just listen and observe people without saying much, I often get a feel for people within a very short while, and there were many characters down the end of the ward where I now found meself....

Take Hairflick.... well, thats not her real name, but she was a moaning whining german (and hairflick is what me and me matie Sharon names her, cos it sounds like a german name lol) she was well getting on me tits, she moaned about everything, about the food (which was actually lovely with 4 choices of dinner and puddings), about her op, she was a right up her own arse woman, and really looked down her nose at everyone around her, she was early 70s but looked nowhere near it, more like early 60s but jebus, she could moan for England...... so much so that Margrete, opposite me, would roll her eyes and pull the ajoining curtain across a little so she didnt have to look at her, and then she would make funny hand signals and faces to me across the ward, about hairflick..... we didnt like hairflick, one day she moaned about being taxed on all her 4 pensions which really got me goat and I so had to just make a little comment..... hey flick, I said, you should be grateful that you have 4 pensions to see you through old age, I bet some of these lovely little old ladies only have state pensions and would love to be in a position to have 4 pensions, I hope your making the most of the money and doing good in the world.... she didnt like me much, but then I aint easy likeable lol...... Im famous for sticking up for the underdog here in this village, Im famous for sticking me neck on the line and fighting for the rights of those that need a voice.... ok, so, some call me gobby, but I would NEVER see someone be taken advantage of and not voice an opinion LOL..... and I so dont think hairflick had come across someone that stood up to her before..... she was nothing but a bloody bully and that came across very clear in the following few days...... hence everytime I answered her nasty mean moaning comments with a little dry humour and wit with a serious side, margrete opposite and Audrey to the left and Carol to the side would all cheer LMFAO..... and dear old margrete would punch the air with her fist LMRSSO..... well, sorry but I just couldnt sit back and let this jumped up hairflick bully these old people, even the nurses would look at me and smile and wink LOL....

So a people watcher I be......... take Audrey for instance....... Audrey had been in Haslar for 3 weeks already, her op had not gone according to plan and her swelling just wouldnt go down and on the Monday they were going to take her back into theatre in the afternoon, so she was starved of food and drink all day and when they wheeled her bed out, I thought to cheer her up I would sing.....'Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye' which had her in fits of laughter cos the porters began to sing it to lol and she waved as she was wheeled off.....

Well Audrey was back in just over an hour, looking pale and frightened, I knew how she felt having been whisked back to theatre on the Saturdee evening...... they wheeled her bed back into position and I thought something was not right, she was sitting up and I could see she was on the verge of tears....... I noticed hairflick was staring and before she could say anything I said...... oye hairflick, just leave her be..... the nurses were busy and didnt notice that Audrey had tears flowing down her little old wrinkled face.... but I did, I noticed..... she just looked across at me and burst into floods.... so I put me dressing gown on and gathered up me IV drips and me blood drain over me arm and grabbed me walking frame and hobbled across to Audreys bed and plonked meself down on the chair by her bedside...... sigh........ she just looked at me and sobbed and sobbed, I took her hand and let her cry until she was spent, she said they took her to theatre but couldnt do the op today cos of a heart problem and she had to wait 4 more days until certain meds kicked in, but they knew that before she went down, so why did they have to starve her and put her though that only to realise once down in theatre... I let her spill it all out, all the time holding her hand and looking her in the eye.... bless this dear little old lady, she was so scared and frightened and now hungry and thirsty..... I asked the nurse if they could go check in the fridge at the end of the ward cos I didnt want me sarnies at lunchtime and see if they was still there so that Audrey could at least have something to eat and drink.... which they did..... anyways....... whilst I was sitting there the 'main man doctor' came to see Audrey to explain that they need to draw some blood to test again......... so I said I would leave them to it and Audrey squeezed me hand so hard and asked if I could stay, to which the doctor said, sure, if thats what ya want, so he drew the curtains around the bed and poked her veins in her arms with no success.....and ya know what Im like, so I says, have ya tried the vein in her ankle cos Audrey was a druggie back in the 20s and she would often shoot up in the ankle vein.... which I said with a dead straight face....he smiled and then looked at Audrey and she said, Mels correct LMFAO..... he then said, I cant get a vein so I will have to try the vein in your groin.... oh my.... oh my..... I turned to Audrey and asked if she wanted me to leave.... she said, please dont..... so I sat there as this drop dead gorgeous black handsome doctor tried the vein in 85 year old Audrey's groin, and as he was drawing the blood I says......... now Audrey I bet its been a few years since ya've had anyone fiddle about down there in ya groin area near ya landing flaps........ to which she laffed so much the bottom set of teeth slipped out and the Doctor shook with laughter.... it was the first time that Audrey had laffed or smiled all day..... she laffed and laffed and laffed, and the doctor turned to me and just said....... fank you, you know that laughter is the best medicine and I think you have done more for Audrey today then any tables or medicine I could of prescribed....... sigh..... maybe Im in the wrong job lol

Monday Evening I was gagging for a shower, there is only so many washes with babywipes one can do, jebus I so needed to wash me hair and stand under proper running water....... so I had a plan.....



This is the leg I had to drag to the bathroom and try and keep dry LOL.....

I gathered up me wash stuff and hang it with me big towel over me walking frame, took down me IV thingie and me blood drain and made my way to the bathroom at the end of the ward...... the nurse said, where ya going, the loos and sinks were the other end, so I says, I know there is a huge bathroom the other end with a huge old victorian bath in that I could lean over and wash me hair...... ok she said, just be careful and DONT get ya bandages wet and DONT drop ya IVs or ya drain and DONT fall and if ya need help then pull the red cord...... yep I had a plan lol....yeah see, there was this HUGE old fashioned dated bathroom with this HUGE old bath in the centre of the room with a hoist chair, it looked like something out of a mental institute, remember this hospital was over 200 years old and some of the old stuff was still there lol........ jebus this bathroom was creepy.... but I so had a plan.... there was also a shower in the corner of the room.... which I planned to suss out........ so I washed me hair over the bath and then thought how nice it would be to sit under a shower and have a proper wash...... so..... LMFAO...... I put me thinking cap on and realised it was possible lmfao.... I dragged a chair over to the shower and put it IN the shower..... and I plonked meself down on it lol..... I then hung all me drips and stuff on the shower rail LMFAO..... and thought it I stuck me leg out of the shower then it wouldnt get wet.. right?.... laffing typing this...... so I reached back and turned on the water with me showergel in me hand all ready to have a quick shower, me leg wouldnt get wet cos I was sitting on a chair with me leg stuck out of the shower curtain ....... WRONG lol......oh my it was just so funny, sitting there under the shower with me face upturned into the water, it felt soooooo good.... I was beginning to feel soooooo clean...... I must of sat there for a good 10-15 minutes LOL.... but when I looked up the water had run down me body and down me leg that was sticking out of the shower and had flooded the whole of the tiled bathroom LMFAO..... this bathroom was about 20 foot square and was now under about 2 inches of water LOL..... holy shit...... I carefully stood up, well scared not that I would slip and got dried as best I could whilst standing on one leg cos no weight baring on me dodgy leg and whilst standing in 2 inches of water...... the IV got pulled out me hand as I tried to mop up some of the water with some paper towels all the time saying shit shit shit shit over and over to meself like some demented fool......

Someone knocked on the door and asked if I was ok to which I said YEP FINE.... to which they said then why is there water pouring out from under the door into the hallway and down the stairs LMFAO........ oh jebus..... they had to go and get the key to open the door cos I couldnt hobble through the water to open the door incase I slipped LMFAO........it was like a clip out of the film 'One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest' ...... the young nurse so did laff, luckiely she was the little Asian nurse that I reckonised from a few years back and she just looked at me and laffed and laffed with a concerned look on her face.......first she asked if I was ok, and then WHAT THE HELL WAS YA THINKING trying to have a shower....... I asked her not to say anything to the others.... and she just kept shaking her head and muttering things like 'only you Mel' and 'Why does this not surprise me' all in her lovely little asian accent..... so I looked at here and said....... please dont dob me in and 'I will love you long time' LMFAO (I had heard that saying on a film about Tye Brides lol) and then we both just creased up laffing so hard and she made me sit on the wet chair whilst she found a mop and bucket and it took 30 minutes to sort out the bathroom LOL BUT, at least I felt clean for the first time in almost a week......



The little asian nurse had to take off all the dressings and sort me out LOL.....



She also decided to take the drain out, which they think on reflection was a mistake hence so much swelling and stuff now.....

I didnt eat an aweful lot whilst in hospital, not that the foods was not nice cos the little I did eat it was scrummie, I just didnt feel up to eating, maybe it was the drugs I dont know....... but one day cos I hadnt eaten for a day I thought I just fancied a jacket potatoe for me dinner one evening, so thats what I ordered....... oh my...... when the dinner trolley came round I opened the silver domed lid on me plate expecting a bowl with a lovely crispy jacket potatoes with a nice blob of butter to mash in the spud....... I must of laffed to loud in a weird sort of way cos a doctor came running over to me bed as if I was on fire LMFAO......



You will see why he was laffing so hard in the next picture and explanation lol

I plonked the silver lid back down whilst laffing and saying, its a fish, its a bloody fish, I didnt order a fish, but they have sent me a bloody laffing fish...... the doctor bloke looked puzzled, I didnt think fish was on the menu tonight me said.... well they have sent me a laffing fish I said..... just you look..... so he lifted the silver lid and looked on the plate and then looked at me and said..... you really have lost your marbles, what are you on about, a fish?..... its a fish I say, he laffs and says, no Mel its a jacket potatoe LMFAO........



Now if that dont look like a laffing puffer fish then slap my thigh and call me Arthur.... and when I turned the fish/potatoe around and pointed out the features of the eyes and the smiley mouth that is when he laffed and laffed and I grabbed me camera and took the above photo of him LMFAO...... he wandered back to his desk shaking he head and muttering something under his breath LOL

There are so many other stories from the following days that I stayed in hospital.... but I would just ramble on and on for pages and pages and bore everyone to tears.......

Like the story about when they took me down for Xrays or the story of the missing flowers LOL...... or the story of how I had to learn to inject meself in the tummy everyday for a fortnight, starting with a few days in hospital only to find that there was something in the injection that had pork product in it which of course Im very allergic to LOL.....

But I will wrap this up now..... me matie Wendy came to pick me up on the Thursday, and oh my, it was just the funniest, cos I had no bend in me leg and trying to get me in her car with 2 of her kids was just the funniest thing ever, and now matter how hard they pushed and the doctor shoved they couldnt get me in LMFAO.... I ended up laying on the back seat of her car with me leg stuck straight out between the front 2 seats on top of the handbreak LOL...... I was glad to be going home, if not a little scared cos I knew that I was no me own then, with no one to really fall back on...... drugged up to the hills with a list of WHAT NOT TO DO's and an appointment card......

That was 5 weeks ago, and things have so not gone well...... but somehow I will get through this....... if not, there is always the option of a short rope and directions to a tall tree, and that at this moment in time looks like a pretty good option.......

So I dont know where I will be in he coming days, next week is school break, it was school break 5 weeks ago when I was in hospital, all those weeks and no step nearer running around...... its frustrating and depressing....... and next week most of me maties will be away camping or on holiday for the half term break, so I aint told them that I might be back in hospital, so again I will have to face whatever happens this time completely on me own......

But, first I want to fank everyone for your good thoughts and wishes whilst Ive gone through the mill...... and those that sent me a card or a letter or an email, that made me smile and laff and dragged me out of my pit of dispair, then I thank you from me soul, and for the few little parcels that I have received, from people that barely know me.... fank you..... ya see, just a kind word or a simple card to someone that feels scared and alone, can make such a difference to their day.... so I fank you all from the bottom of me heart..... Susan especially........ and Jolie.... you know, what Im talking about.....

Its just those little simple gestures that makes such a difference..... well to me they have....... whilst trying to cope with a few upsets from those that I love and have other things on their minds....

See what I mean, just ramblings of a mad crazy scared old crimple woman.....

Twaddling out......... oxo