All Cos Of 30 Pence........

Ok.......... First thing I have to make clear, I aint no snob....... Im so far from being a snob that its scarey........ I was bought up, for the first 13 years of me life on one of the roughest council estates in the south of England..... I cant be a snob...... apart from the fact that we actually had flowers in our front garden and no 'jacked up cars' LOL...... thats besides the point........

I like people for people and not for what level in society they find themselves in...... I just need to clear that up, before I post whats in me head.....

So, this week me washing machine stopped pumping the water away..... so me brain says...... ring Graham the washing machine man and he will come sort it out..... but first I thought it best to get the wet washing out, so it would be easier for when he came round...... well someone should of told me that if ya try and open the front loader that is full of washing and water and is continuing to fill up, that once you open the door then 4 or so gallons of water will come whooshing out all over ya feet and the floor LOL....... well thats what I did, opened the door and whoooosh....... all over me kitchen floor, me and Jacob was running around for the second time this week screaming and laffing and grabbing towels....... ya see....... a few days ago I flooded me kitchen in about 1 1/2 inches of water, when I left the tap in the sink running and went to answer the phone and was chatting away for 20 minutes, when I hear WTF and ran to the kitchen to find a flood...... so as you can tell I am use to water flooding me kitchen.......Im sure its a sign, cos we was taking the mickey out of the flooded northerners..... signs its all in the signs.....



This is the flood, all the yuck from under all the appliances came flooding out lol even a half chewed dried up frog, which fat cat grabbed like a piece of that dried up jerky doodle munch on.....and he ran off down the garden with his treat...



This is my jacob almost at the end of mopping lol.......

Anyways.......Graham couldnt fix me machine cos 30p worth or change from me lads pockets had jammed the pump which in turn had caught fire which in turn had put a strain on the rest of the motor and had burnt out the onboard muvverboard computer....... Graham was supprised I hadnt caught the house on fire....... :)....... so I said with all the water that Ive flooded the kitchen this week, it would of been easy to put out lol......... he just shook his head......this machine is only 2 or so years old, and the plumbing in of that is another story LMFAO...

So, imagine this........ 4 sons........ two 5 foot piles of washing including bedding from 5 beds..... and NO washing machine.........

I know, I will ring me matie Ann and she will let me use her washing machine....... so I rings and explains....... and she laffs and says........... Im not going to let you use me washing machine because you NEED to experience the 'Laundrette' first hand.......... so I says........ dont be daft, I dont DO Daisy Dampwashes(me name for laundrettes)....... then she said, today will be a first........... but, I say, strange people are known to frequent those places....... you see its sort of a mean standing joke here that only the 'weirdos' dont own a washing machine and spend afternoon upon afternoon in the laundrette....... rocking back and forth and mumbling to themselves.....

Please remember I aint a snob lol.......

So, I thought, sod it, sod Ann, I'll go to the Daisy Damp Wash....... she said....... make sure you have plenty of change for the machines, your own washing powder and fabric conditioner....... dont brush your hair, have a fag hanging out of your mouth and shove ya washing in black bin bags..... you will fit right in LOL....... OH SHE THOUGHT THIS WAS SOOOOOO FUNNY.......

I mean, its only a laundrette right, and normal people must go there to right, cos I mean, Im normal and I have to go there today to experience the other side of life......

So I shove Sprite in me car with the BIGGEST OF BIGGEST bags with at least 4 washing loads in...... its up the road about 2 miles, and when I get there its tipping it down and I shove Sprite in the buggy, hang me bag with me money, me book, Sprites dinner and a drink on the handle of the baby buggy and then try to carry the HUGE bag of washing whilst pushing the buggy with one hand........ it was not a good sight lol.....



This is the said Daisy DampWash, snapped on our way home from trampolining last night, I made Jacob and Aimie get out the car and take the photo, they blank stared at me...... it was to much to explain lol....

Ding, I open the door to the laundrette, well if you have seen the film Deliverence, you will know what I was met with........ there's me, pushing the door open with me bum dragging the buggy and heaving the washing..... as I get in the Daisy Damp Wash....... its dead silence, and 8 heads turn and blank stare at me....... just staring me out....... bleedin freaks....... Im so glad I hadnt brushed me hair, cos at least I sort of fitted in a little.......

Ok, you see, I aint never been in a laundrette before, and as I stood there in human silence with just the whirl of machines humming and spinning, a huge shadow of doubt on my ability to fit into the normal world hit me.......

I had no clue as to what I was doing lol....... so to break the ice and to maybe get a bit of life into the place, I say real loud.......... OK, as you probably realise I have no clue as to what to do, or what machine does what....... so, anyone gonna help me suss out whats what........ blank stares........ come on, you all seem to know the routine...... blank stares......... in me head I have banjo music playing...... so, it looks like Im on me own, I can do this, its just a bloody daisy damp wash, how difficult can it be.......

So I park the buggy away from the freaks and take the first 4 washing machines nearest the door........ ok, I say, why are these machines different, can I just use anyone? or are there different machines for different things....... blank stares........ ok ignore the ignoring freaks suss it out, me head is saying...... so I load the 4 machines and try and find instructions lol....... non....... so I guess....... then look for where to put the powder etc...... shit, I'll have to ask........ ok, you lot *big smile* noticing when they smurked there seemed to be a lack of teeth...... ok, surely someone will tell me where to put the powder..... give me a break will ya......... in the top someone eventually mumbles..... yeah well like I would know that, cos Im short and the machines was well tall lol......

Four machines bubbling away...... time to sit and feed Sprite and enjoy the company of freaks......

I had told me matie that I was taking me book and if anyone tried to talk to me I would just say 'I own me own house, this is a book, do you know what a book is, please leave me alone, I dont belong here' lol I had it all worked out in me head....... some of these freaks were real proper freaks, one bloke stood for 40 minutes in front of the tumble drier watching it go round and round, I sat near the door ready to make a run for it if it turned nasty....... I WAS OUT OF ME DEPTHS.........

Me machines stopped one at a time, so I grab this plastic washing basket thing, it was sooooooo plastic lol I do not think these people would of known what a wicker washing basket was lol......... aint I mean......... so, I grab this basket which was on the bench and start to unload the first machine, when this loud voice says........ THATS MINE....... so I looks around to see this 'freak' not 12 inches from me, repeating, THATS MINE.......oh, I say, well you aint using it at the moment, do you mind if I just unload into it to put we wash in the tumble drier....... BUT ITS MINE she says......... I know, I realise its your, but I wont break it and your machine is still spinning, you see, I didnt bring one, actually I dont even own one...... going for the sympathy vote....... BUT ITS MINE........... deep breath....... ok OK keep me, it dont matter....... smiling sweetly....... so after 4 walks the whole length of the daisy damp wash, transferring me wet washing to a tumble drier and just about to put the money in when the same woman says......... THATS MINE......... I know, I said, thats why I didnt use it.......... NO, she says, THE TUMBLE DRIER IS MINE.......... now, as far as I could work out, one is not allow to bag a machine when its empty........ and now hot and steamed up, I says........ well Im right sorry but your machine aint finished and mine is so, looks like your out of luck...... shove me money in and stare the woman out......jebus this place is well scarey.......

Ding, the door opens, all heads turn yet again....... even mine, shit, Im becoming one of them.....Oh my goodness, a face I knew, I knew the face coming through the door...... it was the woman that lived in the next road to me whos hubby is a taxi owner and does airport runs........ I almost run to her in joy....... the look on me face must of said it all.....she came over and said, what you doing here lol...... so I explained and she well laffed....... safety in numbers right, now there was 2 of us, well and sprite but at one she didnt count...... the woman was there to wash duvets lol..... thank the lord for dirty duvets....... now let the freaks start...... bring it on......

2 1/2 hours later, with me dry washing back in the huge bag, hot and sweaty I head for the door.......... bye, I say...... it was nice meeting you all......... are you here every Tuesday?......... mumbles of, yes its when we get our government benefits....... I say......... ok...... lets make it a date for next Tuesday then....... NOT......

I have never been so pleased to get out a place in me life....... I had visions of being dragged and shoved into the huge tumble drier and the weirdo bloke just standing there watching me go round and round.........

I came home and got on line and ordered a new washing machine, I DONT care that its 400 quid ($800), I would rather find a stream and a rock then to face the Daisy DampWash on a Tuesday........ I wonder what the clientelle would be like on a Thursday...... well, its a thought......

So, cos me lads left 30p in the pockets of their trousers, it cost me 400 quid for a new machine, which will take 1-3 weeks to be delivered, so they are gonna wear dirty clothes cos I aint doing the Daisy Damp Wash no more....... I think I need to start checking trouser pockets......

Ok, sorry, more then enough Twaddle for a 4th of July- oh - HAPPY 4th of JULY you doodles - aint you glad we let you win that one :) or we would never of heard the last of it from ya LOL.......xxxx