Thursday, 12 July 2007

No Bonking For George - And No Night of Passion For Brenda.....

Ok............ I dont know if anyone remembers back at the end of March, when I was so excited when George and Brenda came to live with us....... well, George is no longer with us, he died in the early hours of Tuesday morning..... of what, we aint to sure.....and dont say 'shortage of breath' lol


This was George back in March..... we got him and Brenda when they was about 6 weeks old.... as cute at buttons they was.......


This is George today, laying in a chinky take-away plastic container.... he dont look to well does he? nope...... ya know why? cos he is actually dead.......

Ya see Brenda and George settled into our home real quick, they loved us, and we would get them out every day........and they had very healthy appetites......

But ya see....... it must be this house and midgets....... cos Brenda grew and grew and grew and George grew and stopped...... Brenda is well big now and just ripe for breeding...... and we would look at little midget George and wonder how the bloody hell he would be able to bonk Brenda cos she is HUGE compared to George....... but I suppose like in human life, they would of maybe looked up Page 37 of the Karma Sutra and worked out a good position LOL


This is Brenda she is a bit of a big girl and as healthy and ripe for the taking.......


See Brenda's flakie ear, she has just shed her skin again today....... poor George was not even half the size of her......

About a week ago, my Tom said that George was not well...... he was eating not to good and was a bit slow when picked up....... I said that maybe he had a migraine or had just had a busy day....... but Tom just blank stared at me like I was a retarded loon......

George got weaker as the week went on and upon ringing the vet I was met with......not a lot one can do for a sick chamelion...... bloody tosser vet...... so we went on line and typed in sick chamelions and hunted for a reason other then a migraine as to why George was poorly....... and then When Tom got up Tuesday morning, George was just laying on the floor the top of the mud with his little legs in the air......

I ummmm'd and arrrr'd as to try and give him the kiss of life, like I did once to me stick insect..... but seeing as how I only managed to blow me stick insect up like a little balloon and explode it, I thought that maybe George should not go through that trama.......

So George is laying in this chinky take-away carton while we decide what is to become of him....... I think the little skull might be to tiny to try and keep....... he is well dried out today and very stiff...... maybe I could dig a little hole in the end of his tail and wear him with pride around me neck on a chain......

Hang on a cotton pickin minute.......... I know what I will do with George...... I think I will send him to MrFab, cos he likes that sort of thing :).......

We will miss George, he had become an important member of this family...... and now Brenda is all ripe and needing a bonk and selfish George goes and bloody dies on her...... oh well.....

RIP GEORGE...... we loved you whilst you was here......

Also today we grieve the sad loss of 'Floats' he/she is one of our little Pearlscale fish that we have in our fishtank....... he/she has been acting strange this pass few days...... sort of hanging upside down in the water with its tail on the surface and its face pointing straight down...... Ive had to give it a poke many a time throughout the past couple of days.... and it would swim off for a little while...... only for me to find it doing the same 'play dead trick' again and again..... well about an hour ago, I poked it and it sank to the bottom lol...... and then when it came to the surface, I realised by its bulging eyes that maybe this time the 'play dead trick' was for real.......


This is Floats after I got him out the tank with a jam jar, I have him on the side in the kitchen, just incase he is really just 'playing dead'....

RIP Floats, I will miss poking you.....

Enough death Twaddle for a Thursday........



Melody Ann Ross said...

My fishies used to do that too... weird things like swimming sideways or in circles... like how a cat walks funny if you put tape in her side.

Poor dead fishies =[ and poor Brenda.. left all alone without her sticky companion.

Lynda said...

Yeah, poor George doesn't look so great. But I wouldn't send him to Mr. Fab since he is not home because his father in law died.

George may prefer a spot in your garden anyway.

So, are you getting another one so Brenda can have a bonk?

OrdinaryShark said...

Geogrie Porgie Pudding pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When Brenda came out to play
Georgie Porgie faded away.

RIP little ones.

His skull would make a fine addition to the collection. Find a dry, protected place outside to place his tiny body and let nature help clean it.

B.R.M said...

You can have my nephew's lizard...well not really, I just threw some worms in there last night. I had gloves on and everything.

Yes I admit it, I am a wimp.

TN Becky

Anonymous said...

I think you could donate georges body to science, they can make a model of him, people can study him and plastinize him for exhibit.

how long will you wait on the fish? til it turns white and stuff?

Spilling Ink said...

Oh, Mel. that's so sad. I'm glad you have Janet to keep you special company.

JBelle said...

Well. That's a pisser.

Anonymous said...

OMGosh...RIP and poor Brenda...she'll probably be next.

do you suppose there is a pet heaven?

are you sure there is no foul play? Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm???

Bugwit said...

Sounds like being a pet of Marmy is a dangerous occupation. The attrition rate is astounding!


MarmiteToasty said...

~(((melody ann)))~ the tape on a cat is well funny lol.....

yep poor fishes.... so many have been flushed down the loo.... Brenda will be ok, we will try and find a mate for her, it was just a nice thought that we had them from babies and grew them big enough for their first bonk :)..... a bonk a bonk my kingdom for a bonk lol..... funny how things mirror LIFE lmfao......xxxx

~((((lynda))))~ yeah I know about The Fabs sad news :(..... I still might send George anyways, wonder what a week in the hot postal system would do to the smell LOL... we will look for a male big enough to bonk brenda.... we wanted to try and breed them, it was gonna be mine and my Toms project :)......xxxx

~((((((((((((Sharkie)))))))))))~ you have that nursery song over there? well I never :)...... I think the cats might find George if I left him outside.... I am so curious about his little skull though....... maybe I will send it to you or Starr to suss and sort for me lol.......xxxxxx

~((((((((brm))))))))~ you sissy lol ....... now you have me missing Eric :(....... on saying that I thing my Jacob wants to get some gekos or whatever they are next week......... DO I REALLLY NEED THIS lol....... oh lordy......theres no place like home lol......xxxxxxx

~((((da boozie)))~ well Ive noticed this morning that Floats is now a tad fluffy lol..... I think he/she is truely dead, so time to do the royal flush :).....

I use to have this uncle called 'old uncle art' he was an adopted brother in my mothers family...... he made the most amazing animals out of plasticine..... I mean whole zoos etc, and I remember tales of him as a child travelling the world with his exhibits...... I need to dig around and see what I can find out about the man, I remember seeing his exhibit once as a child..... he must be dead by now..... but I will have a dig around..... well not a dig about for his body.... oh, you know what I mean.........xxxxxx

~(((((((lynn))))))))~ yeah it was a little sad, but Jebus, I do not know what I will be like if Ambrose, fat cat or Janet dies....... someone might have to fly over to keep me sane........ any offers LOL..........xxxxxxxxx

~((((((JBelle)))))))))~ yeah it was a pisser....... but thats life..... ya grow, ya get pissed on and then ya die :)........xxxxxxxx

~((((jollie-jordan)))))~ Brenda WILL NOT be next lol...... now if she snuffs it, it will be YOUR fault, so expect something in the post LOL...... no fowl play, me chicken was no where near ;)....xxxxx

~((((((((Bugs))))))))~ do you fink maybe I just loves em to death? lol :)..... if Im like that with a pet just think what Id be like with a blokie LMFAO........xxxxxxx

Mom not Mum (Sandy) said...

LMAO Aww poor George. Sorry for your loss. LOL Oh my. I bet you could figure out a way to keep his little skull. Cowie would love a tiny little friend I bet. AND you could take Georgie all sorts of places Cowie wasn't allowed in.

The fish picture had me laughing - okay I have a sick sense of humor apparantly. At least you made sure it was dead. I tossed one in the toilet once only to have it start swimming at THAT moment - well guess what fishy - your last hail mary attempt did NOT work.

Anonymous said...

/wiping head, crossing self

Whew, for a minute there I started to wonder if I would be getting another "present". Oh yes, yes, yes, a MUST for Harold T. Fab.

I suppose like in human life, they would of maybe looked up Page 37 of the Karma Sutra and worked out a good position.

You and your goddamned wit. Just when I think I know you, you go and pull that kind of rabbit out of your hat.

I love it when that happens.

You're brill!


Henny Penny said...

RIP George and Floats. Sniffle.

Jade said...

Will Brenda be finding a new boy toy? Maybe she wore George out!

P.S. You've been tagged

... said...

Wow.. it's unbelievable pet carnage at your house this week marmie!

Incidentally, I think you'll have better luck drying the fish for a necklace, than the Chameleon.

So long George and Floats. May your afterlives be more lucky than your before-lives.

Your Friend said...

I do honestly believe, Mel, that you are the only person I know who takes pictures of dead pets!


Poor pets.

(Sorry.. I'm not really laughing... it's a figment of your imagination)

Kati said...

Sorry to hear about George & the fish! Hope your son & Brenda are comforted by their memories of their friend George. *wink*

Anonymous said...

LMFAO! page 37 would work....and page 112 also! lolol
pets not havin much luck at your house are they mel? and poor brenda...all...ready and no one to bonk!!!! lolol

luv ya!

ps..gotta ask melody ann...tape in a cat's side?? lolol

Pam said...

(((mel slapper ho)))lmao @ the post. as much as it is tragic, it's also quite humorous. you said that maybe you could put george on a chain and wear him around ur neck...better idea: get a charm bracelet and add floatie lol i remember u talkin bout making ur stick insect explode lmao. oh, mel...what r we to do? lol xoxo

Dr.John said...

Well I hope all the dieing is over , over there.

sparrow said...

It is very sad.
It is a damned tragedy.
The loss of a loved one is never easy.

But I have tears streaming down my face from a laughing fit because you never fail to crack my shit UP.

You're a trooper.

BurdockBoy said...

I believe George had too low self-esteem against Brenda's majestic presence. He probably starved himself to death with "I'm not worthy" echoing in his head. Poor little bastard.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((momNmum)))))~ LMFAO@your poor fishes last ditch attempt of life lol..... I emptied once, years ago, the water out of me lads little goldfish bowl into the sink to clean it out, well I meant to only empty half the water and refill but the dam fish whooshed into the sink with the water and how the bloody hell it happened I will never know, it swirled around the plughole and got sucked though the little holes in the plughole, JUST as I grabbed the end of its tail....... what to do........ I had the tail this side of the plug and the whole fat fish was the other side of the plug, now scaleless cos it must of been squeezed thin to get though lol....there is no way I could pull it back through the plughole without killing it...... so one of me sons had to go outside with a bowl and yank the drain pipe off the wall out side and at the count of three I let the fish go and turned the tap on and me lad caught the fish outside before it went down the drain....... LMFAO.... scaleless, but alive... well, for 3 days before it decided that life with no scales and with its internal organs squashed to god knows where, it passed away..... RIP scaleless fishie LOL......xxxx

~((((((((((Wendy)))))))))))~ giggling........ ok, now its a toss up between you and MrFab LOL... cos I know how much fun you had when I send over Syd the Slug :).... and how is Syd by the way?.....

I do not try to be witty that sentence was just in me head LOL....... I am up to page 142 now :) LMFAO.........xxxxxxxxxxx

~(((the woman)))))~ Floatie on toast aint nice lol even with marmite spread on top.... nah, just joking, he has been royal flushed.... George is still sitting here in the chinky carton on this computer table....xxxx

~(((((jade))))))~ we need to find Brenda a new mate cos we wish to breed Chamelions :).... she needs bonking..... DONT WE ALL lol......

Tagged? ok I'll pop over and have a butchers..... fank :).......xxxxxx

~((((Toadie))))))~ you make it sound like this is an place where we butcher and gut our pets LOL....

and for your information :) they both had a lovely life before death.... dont you know how much we love our pets..... dont ya? aye? aye? now if you was talking about twat neighbours, now thats a diffent kettle of fish LMFAO........xxxxxxxx

~((((((((((((Peanut)))))))))))))~ hehehehe, it does seem like thats me quest in life LOL and dont forget all the roadkill I took pictures of........ omg...... I think I need to see a therapist :)......hehehehe......xxxxxxx

~((((((((kati))))))))~ actually my Tom was gutted lol...... George was his and BFB (Big Fat Brenda) was mine and we was gonna breed them :) but he will get over it, as we all will...... hehehehehe.... now, I wonder what chamelion soup tastes like with a floatie on the side lol waste not want not as the saying goes......xxxxxxx

~((((((((((Cookieboy))))))))))~ wow, your up to Page 112 already LOL..... you jammy sod lol....

I should tell the story of the Karma Sutra book that we have in this house lol..... maybe I will blob about it lmfao.....

and aint it funny that melody ann has the same name as me :) only, Im just one of those common or garden Melody Annes... lol....... you mean you aint never stuck a bit of tape on the side of a cat before and seen what happens? lol YOU AINT LIVED SONNY lol..........luvs ya to.......xxxxxxx

~((((((((((ciara anyones for a dead pet)))))))))~ you taking the piss out of me saddness again LMFAO....... the stick insect was just the funniest ever.... RIP stickie LOL........ :) xxxxxxx

~((((((dr.john))))))))~ with the amount of creatures that frequent this house and we take in, Im sure death will be a constant item on the agenda in this house lol.......xxxxx

~(((((pikie)))))))~ LOL you daft cow..... this was for once me trying to post a serious post LMFAO..... hahahahaha..... handing you a tissue :)......xxxxxxxx

~(((((((((burdockboy)))))))~ hugs to you matie - well I think you might be on to something, maybe George was getting afeared at the thought of Brendas thick thighs around his neck LMFAO..... jebus.... I wonder if Chamelions do THAT lol.........I think he went on hunger strike, but judging by the size of Brenda she probably ate his food for him LOL........xxxxxxxxx


Ol' Lady said...

Your garden must be more grave yard than garden...
With all of the diein goin on over there you want me to let you adopt Baby??? Not too sure she would make it out alive...

Go Figure said...

I'm reading to many of your posts. Need to see a M.D. Matt and I were up fishing, caught a mess of trout.
Got back at midnight. I cleaned them. One had actually survived. Incredible. I went to grab him and he started swimming around in the sink. I put clean fresh water in the sink with some ice to keep the water temp cool. I figured "well old buddy,if you make it to the a.m., I will take you out to a local lake and let you free." Next morning I went down stairs and he was dead. Only he had jumped out of the sink, about 6 feet, onto the floor where he had died and then dried out. Dang.

Bugwit said...

Well, Mel, you know a Black Widdow has no use for a blokey after the bonk anyways, right? I mean, you could keep one around to unblock the sewer lines, but you already have that covered!

Besides, like pets, there's plenty more where the last one came from.

Christy Woolum said...

I always love hearing the tales from your house, but it is sad to hear of losses. My friend Bev ( from my picture of the retreat) grew up in Sunderland- she is there now with her mum.

Scots said...

ROFLMFAO .... chamelion soup .. you sick woman!

BUT ... aha .. a thought just entered my sick mind ...... make the afore mentioned soup and take it down to the daisy damp wash on a Tuesday ...

sounded like a bit of a soup kitchen for the down and outs anyways ... I'd love to see them tuck into a hearty bowl of chamelion soup! PMSL

Michael said...

Condolences on your losses. Just think of it as savings in pet food.

My bad!

Pam said...

damn it, mel...instead of slapper ho i was going to say (((mel anyone's for a dead pet)))but i was being 'sensitive' and looking out for your feelings only to find u said that "I" was anyone's for a dead pet lmao sadness be damned from now on!!! hahahaha

MarmiteToasty said...

-(((ol lady)))~ well you make it sound like me home is like a butchers shop LOL..... some are buried but some end up in chinky take-away cartons and lobbed in the bin :)....... and hey, I love me pets and all nippers, your baby would do fine here LOL maybe ;)......xxxxxx

~((((((((((((Starr)))))))))))~ :( poor troutie lol.... maybe you should of tried taking the dishes out of the sink before putting him in the sink LOL....... Im well chufted though that you gave him a second chance lol it was up to him to use that chance well :)...... MMMMmmmmmmm stuffed trout, Im coming for dinner lol........ see, Im turning you from a well ard blokie to a softie LOL.....xxxxxxx

~(((((Bugs)))))~ maybe Im a black widow, gave me X 4 bonks (4 kids) then Ive done away with him, remember, Im good a disposing of bodies LMFAO...... and oye, George was special, thats why he was in a special fried rice carton lol.... :) xxxxx

~(((InlandEmpireGirl)))~ well losses are a part of life Im afraid..... and as long as I know that I/we have given the creature or person the best care and love whilst it was with us, then I take it in me stride....... mind you...... I will be singing a different tune when Ambrose, fat cat or Janet snuff it...

Oh you matie is a northerner... nuf said LOL joking...xxxxxx

~((((((((scottie)))))))))~ hehehe I loves me some soup lol....... nope NO MORE daisy damp wash trips, I dont care that the washing pile is now blocking the light from the windows LOL.... and everyone is learning how to wear their underwear for 4 days at a time....... one the right way, back to front, inside out and the right way and then turn them around lol and by the time ya have done 4 days ya can often redo from the beginning..... I mean, whats a bit of crust now and again LOL.......xxxxxxxx

~(((michael))))~ yep, Georges death will save me 4 quid ($8) a week...... dam I should of killed the expensive little bleeder earlier

~((((ciara anyones for a nibble of ya chamelion)))~ LOL.....sensitive LMFAO hahahahah yep like Im that :) - bring it on lol.....xxxxxxx

Jen B said...

Shoes...don't they make shoes? LOL
They are so cute and I know losing a pet is never a fun thing! Hopefully you will find a mate for Brenda so she's not taking care of business by herself...LOL

Anonymous said...


green libertarian said...

in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop in every city
on a day which is every day
i picked up a magazine
which is every magazine
read a story, and then forgot it right away.

they say goldfish have no memory
i guess their lives are much like mine.
and the little plastic castle
is a surprise everytime.
and it's hard to say if they're happy
but they don't seem much to mind.

from the shape of your shaved head
i recognized your silhouette
as you walked out of the sun and sat down
and the sight of your sleepy smile
eclipsed all the other people
and they paused to sneer at the two girls
from out of town

i said, 'look at you this morning
you are by far the cutest
but be careful getting coffee
i think these people wanna shoot us
or maybe there's some kinda local competition here
to see who can be the rudest.'

people talk
about my image
like i come in two dimensions
like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind
like what i happen to be wearing
the day someone takes a picture
is my new statement for all of womankind.

i wish they could see us now
leather bras and rubber shorts
like some ridiculous new team uniform
for some ridiculous new sport
quick someone call the girl police
and file a report.

in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop in every city
on a day which is every day.

Little Plastic Castle-Ani

green libertarian said...

I mean, whats a bit of crust now and again LOL.......xxxxxxxx