Monday, 1 October 2007

It Was An Accident - Dont Hate Me - Groyns And The Sins Of Ones Father...

Ok.......British nippers get a 5-6 weeks summer break from school, and usually everything else closes for that time to..... my Jacob's Scouts closes, except for the summer camp that is...... so just before everything stops for a break, our scout group usually have a BBQ down on the beach at Hayling Island.....

What you have to bare in mind when I tell you what happened is this..... my lad use to go to Friday Scouts..... but one of the blokes that runs is it a right pratt... he is well a 'jobs worth' and he use to treat the lads more like scivvies then lads there to learn and have fun, he was not only way to strict he was a control freak.... so after a year of this we decided to open another troop on a Wednesday night.... and many of the lads transferred over...the bloke from Fridays was so not happy lol........ tough tittie I say.... Wednesdays nights is all about fun and laughing and doing dangerous but controlled things LOL you know PROPER BOY THINGS......

But both Friday and Wednesday groups get together for the end of term BBQ cos after all we all belong to the same unit... and we would be camping together during the summer....

What you also have to remember when I tell this story is that the bloke from Fridays is married to one of me maties.... what the hell she sees in the jerk is beyond me....what you also have to remember is that I childmind their lad who is now 6 and I have since he was a little baby...... I LOVE this little lad to death...... he has aweful astma and eczema and a couple of times Ive been in a riskie life and death situation with him.....

So, we were given the time and date for the BBQ, I should of known from the outset that things would not go according to plan, but then, we are talking about me, and if you have learnt anything about me from me blob its that..... I aint normal LOL.....

OK, scene set.......

Hayling Island is great.... its reached by one road over the hayling bridge and it sticks out in the water opposite Portsmouth, which is just across the harbour..... I have great memories of hayling as a kid when we use to catch the little steam train called The Puffing Billy onto the island....... it has what we call 'groyns' sticking out into the water, they stop the beach from eroding and make great places to climb on as kids lol...... the sand and stones on either side of the groyns are different levels at the top end of the beach and the difference can sometimes be 5-6 feet..... they make great wind breaks to.... as on our BBQ night when the wind was blowing it was nice to be able to shelter on the lower side of the groyns....

There was a photo of the groyns at Hayling on me post about deciding to go on holiday.... here are a couple more.... I took these the night of the BBQ... see how the sky changed within minutes...





Aint they just great......

So we get there and I park.....



See, even me parking down the seafront aint normal, why oh why cant I just park like everyone else, in a straight line, all facing one way..... but no..... I have to just drive up, plonk me car anywhere and get out and lock the doors LOL - It should of been a sign of what was to come LOL - guess which car is mine :)

So, we all gather down on the beach and the BBQs are lit whilst the lads all go for a swim..... it was not a very warm evening and the nip in the wind was well cold lol..... so the lads were not in the water to long, you have to remember this is getting on for 9 o'clock at night...... so when they had dried off they was starving.....



See the little lad sitting on the edge of the groyns, the one in red with the blonde hair, thats the little lad that I mind who I love to death and would place me life on the line for..... shame his father is such a pratt LOL - but you can see the difference in the height of the stones either side of the groyns....

Well the pratt from Friday Scouts seemed to take over the BBQ cooking..... now, I aint no snob..... I mix with everyone..... no matter what anyones situation in life is...or what job they hold.. BUT..... I will just say that we have this little glop of 'parents' whos kids have just joined scouts, that I find very difficult to strike up a conversation with..... they turned up at the casual on the beach BBQ in clothes that were more intune with London Fashion week LMFAO.... so there was no way they was gonna get stuck in with the lads... there is me and me maties with just blankets on the sand, but on no, not them.... they had beach loungers and bloody tables and the works lol...... oh well they will live and learn if they are to become an intregral part of our group LOL.....



This is some of the lads waiting for the burgers to cook......

The friday night pratt blokie that was in charge of the cooking dont like my Jacob, cos he left his troop to join wednesdays.....and Jacob knew from last years camp that his cooking aint to great, so when my jacob got to the front of the burger queue he says to the pratt..... oh how long before the burgers are ready..... NOW was the reply... now if I have taught me lad anything it is that you cant eat burgers if they aint cooked all the way in the middle, not unless ya want the squirts for days.... so my Jacob says.... but you have only just put them on the BBQ, they surely aint cooked yet..... with that the bloke takes one off the grill and puts it in a bun and hands it to Jacob with words of 'oh just get on with it'.... so me lad walks over to me for inspection of his burger LOL...... oye Graham (not his real name to protect being sued lol) I says... this burger so aint cooked, what ya trying to do, kill wedsnesday night scouts off......so the bloke says...... well he will just have to wait at the end of the queue now and if there are any left then Jacob can have one...... so I says..... I DONT THINK SO GRAHAM...... hey Jacob go take this back and yet a cooked one.... with that the bloke all but throws a burger at my lad..... and it falls on the sand..... by now I could of headbutted the bloke lol.....

So I thought all is fair in love and war..... and Graham had so insensed me LOL...... now I aint really a violent person...... but this bloke so needed to be taken down a peg or to..... so I thought..... he was trying to kill my lad with a dodgy burger, so if I aimed it right, the burger that is, I could throw it well hard and it would hit him in the side of his head.... and all the tomatoe sauce would look like blood :)..... so me matie Jackie, who is actually a CID copper was giggling when I told here what I planned to do..... and she just said 'go for it' LOL.... I mean, everyone was sort of throwing things around by now, so no one would noice a flying uncooked burger in a bun.....

Oh my good grief.... talk about a great shot...... well it would of been..... if bloody Graham had not sidestepped to his right just as the burger was heading his way..... so instead of it hitting Graham in the side of his 'smug up his own arse head' it whistled past him and hit the little lad Mattie that I childmind..... smack right between the eyes...... GULP..... holy poo..... it all then went in slow motion...... he was sitting on the edge of the groyn with his feet dangling over the 5 foot drop...... he swayed and wobbled and then fell off the bloody groyn 5 foot down onto the sand and stones....... all in slow motion........ I THINK ME PLAN HAD GONE A TAD WRONG......... now you must understand cos of all of Matties health problems he could of been a right wimp, but his mum had made him one of the toughest little nippers I have ever come across...... she said he would need to be tough to overcome many of his problems....and Mattie never crys..... he is well ard.......

But cry he did..... he not only cried he HOWLED and screamed and no matter what was said he just wouldnt stop..........



I think it was more the shock of falling off the groyn more then the actual injury from the uncooked burger.... ok OK so he did have a bit of a tiny little red mark and bump on the side of his head due to hitting the stones from a great height....... but hey........The Sins of Our Fathers right?.......

He did eventually calm down and YES I did confess to throwing the burger and YES it was a learning curve..... I learnt that when throwing an uncooked burger at a pratt to make allowances for the fact that it could be a moving target :).....

Mattie did forgive me and me matie his mum did eventually find it funny...... BUT how great was I, I always have me camera at hand LMFAO

Mattie was proud of his 5 foot fall and apparently went around the rest of the summer telling everyone that Mel had lobbed a burger at him......... now you see why I needed to skip the country for a few weeks......

To calm you down just a few other photos of the evening.....



See them things in the air that look like kites, they are them wave kite surfers, hayling is a great place for water sports.......



It was time to go home after this photo lol

Dont Hate me..... and if you do..... does it look like Im bovvered.....cos, just sometimes in life, ya cant plan for the unexpected :)

Enuff Twaddle for a wet and damp Monday afternoon.... x







13 comments:

ciara said...

(((mel's anyone's for a nice raw burger and a cpl of bucks)))don't ya just hate when those pratts move like that? don't they know they're spose to just stand still and take it? lol

i think mattie was just startled, too...it's always cute how kids just make things sound even when they've went flying from an uncooked burger :) lol btw...you know that 'you make me smile' award on me blog was for you, too (actually all the blobbers i visit..but that includes you) lol

toadman said...

Next time, don't throw, just smash the raw meat in the buggers face. You're sure to hit the mark that way.

Kati said...

ROFL Oh goodness girl.... you do have some stories to tell!!! Glad to hear that Mattie is ok and that his mom's not permanently peeved at ya. Dang, though, his dad DOES sound like a total pratt.

Hope Jacob got a fully-cooked burger, finally.

Scots said...

Probably just the shock of a slab of mad cow hitting him square on the chops that gave him a fright! Kids bounce back pretty quick.

As for that pr*ck of a father .. jeez ... I would have slapped his coupon till it was red raw!!! .. probably leading to your CID matie dragging me off to the back of the "meat wagon" !! lol

I love the coast .... your pics are gorgeous!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Wow! What a tale of, uh, well what a tale!

Perhaps this combined cookout event needs to be re-evaluated—or, at the very least, each troop provide its own cook!

OrdinaryShark said...

Marmy- had I known you needed target practice, we could have crashed a few BBQs and thrown some uncooked burgers around! We couldn't have done it here of course as we don't have any meat. How about raw toadfood, would that do?

the psycho therapist said...

Good day, you. I haven't anything to add but want to say hello and wave.

/waving

I remember this tale and the insane laughter on the phone. You are a loon in the biggest and bestest of ways.

Thank god!

(smile)

-

Mom not Mum said...

LMAO That was great. I'm going to a scout planning meeting in just a few hours - I would LOVE to take a few undercooked burgers and lob them at our scout master. I think I should plan this attack a bit more steathily though.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((ciara just wants a sniff of a seasalty groyn))))~ Matties mum Nikki KNOWS what Im like lol... and she knew it was an 'honest mistake' AND she knows I dislike with a purple passion her hubby lol....xxxxx

~(((Toadie)))~ ok that just so made me laff lol... I usually hit him with me quick wit and a double play with words.... he CANT handle me LOL....xxxxx

~((((kati))))~ sorry I aint been around much, just been snowed under with work and except for the odd 5 minutes I aint been finishing til gone 9 at night and thats with a 6.30 start lol... can we say 'knackered'... and yeah, Mattie boasted all summer about his fall of what ended up being to him 20 foot LOL.....xxxxxx

~(((Scottie))))~ cripes I wondered what them legs and tail was doing dangling out the mad burger :) _ and he DOES so need a bitchslapping lol and my CID matie is just the funniest... Im surprised we aint 'both' been taken into custody before LOL...... aint the photos just great :).......xxxxx

~((((Saintly)))))~ me finks that the pratt could with with basting and being BBQ'd :)....xxxxx

~((((((((((((Sharkie)))))))))))~ hey you would be so proud of me... I now make the most awesome Cardboard burgers and nut cutlets now :) - see what you have done to me.... :)... hugzzzzz xxxxxxxx

~((((((((Wendy))))))))~ heehehe I remember laffing so much on the phone when I was telling ya lol..... I cant help being the person I am, and people have to take me or leave me..... :) - I dont know how to be anyone but meself... bones guts and all...... love you xxxxxxxxx

~((((MnM))))~ I double dare you to take some burgers to the meeting and when no one is looking lob them over the crowd from the back row LOL.....xxxxxx

Just Jen said...

You got guts. Many times I have thought about hauling off a burger at some guy who has it comin'. Never once did I actually do it. If I ever work up enough guts to do justice, I will keep in mind the moving target!
ROFL

Bugwit said...

I think you should don some tights and go around the English countryside lobbing undercooked meat and every pratt, git and wanker you see.

Soon you'll have dished out more meat than McDonalds. Or Wilt Chaimberlin, if you know who he is. ;-)

Ol' Lady said...

your adventures are too funny...it's a wonder that your boys have made it this far alive...and parents really trust you with their off spring???

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((just jen))))~ I think 'guts' come with age lol... and I mean, at my age what the hell ave I got to loose LOL.....xxxx

~(((Bugs)))~ quickly googling Wilt lol..... bugger, you have sussed out me weekend job.... :) I am the vigilantee to all pratts tossers and wankers in our village.... xxx

~(((ol' lady)))~ :) aint it surprising I ever get any work LOL..... many of my parents, after me telling them of what we sometimes get up to during the days, say........'and I send me kids to you' lol...... but, I will have you know, they wouldnt send them to anyone else :) they like that I push the limits sometimes, and that life here is crazy :)... they also know I would protect them with me life...... well, all except that little tosser that I have every weds, thurs, and fri.... he would be last on the list LOL.......xxxxxxx