Friday, 6 June 2008

One Flew Over The Chickens Nest..... That Little Hiccup Out The Way...

Ok.......... still trying to make sense of things here...... Ive always brushed the shit of life off me shoulders and just got on with things....... always used the words 'it was what it was at the time'.... always stood proud and tall..... always believed in tomorrow.... always looked forward...... always thought 'my time would come'

I was gonna try and explain my feelings and WTF has happened over the past few weeks, but it would sound whiney and moaning and stupid and pathetic...... so I wont, I cant.....not fully like me normal waffling twaddling rubbish.... so I'll try and keep it short and hope maybe it explains why I hit rock bottom....no excuses just maybe reasons...

I will just say that I was told something that I just couldnt share with anyone, not until recently, I kept it bottle up tight inside not knowing what to do........I was told the risks involved in having the op when I did.......there was/is a chance that I might lose me leg if they can not get it sussed and sorted pretty soon....Im scared shitless.....I knew there was a risk before I signed the consent form for the op, the bones had worn so bad that I also had to have a bone graft done during the knee replacement op to try and build up the bone enough for the bionic knee to sit level.... Im scared and Ive had no one to talk to about this.... no one that I truely thought cared.... so I bottled it all up and tried to deal with it meself..... Im so very scared cos its all going wrong, so very wrong.....and from them taking me back into theatre whilst still in hospital things began to not look good.... I just have a way of laffing and smiling me way through shit... but now the longer the problems go on, the most fearful Im becoming.... Jebus Im just so very very scared and I know I have no one to even share this with properly.... so very very frightened... I dont wanna lose me leg not now Im come this far in life....what have I done to deserve this worry....

I will say the lethal combination of 7 kinds of drugs trying to stabilize everything was a cocktail for trouble, they reacted against each other sending me into a spiral of fuzzyness and unclear thinking and fever pitch temperatures.....


Just a handful of the rubbish they have had me taking... thats not all of it lol

I just needed 6 or so years left to raise the last of me lads and give me a couple of years for me, to be me and do some of the things that Ive always wanted to do...

I will just say that Im grieving over lost special friendships.... which is sad at the best of times, but gets compounded 100 fold when one is at their lowest.... and when one is at the end of their tether, trying to figure out whats best to do for everone, a kick in the teeth and words of mistrust, only make the down person sink even more into a whirlpool of self destruction......

I will add that being stuck in the house for 6-7 weeks not being able to do anything contructive around the house or garden was/is for me a recipe for cottage fever of the highest..... hate daytime telly, couldnt concentrate on reading, couldnt sit at the computer due to severe pain and fatigue and exhaustion... couldnt potter around me garden or decorate the house, its not like having 6 weeks off work unpaid lol and being able to do things.... oh how I would of loved that lol

Not having me nippers around to keep me mind occupied has been horrific....

Not being able to walk and the frustration and fear combined sent me marbles rolling in the wrong direction.......

There is so much more........but I once again cant think straight to include it all.....

I just know I dont wanna have to change me name to 'Peggie' with the pegleg LOL

So ya see, there is more to things then just broken friendships and self pity and an off day.......

All the above mixed in a huge pot and spooned out into bowls... makes for a dam rough couple of weeks......

I did get out for the second time in 7 weeks yesterday just for an hour to buy some plants.... but last night it left me totally drained and exhausted and cross with meself......

Please wait for me...... and bare with my sadness....... but its all just been way to much for me usually broad shoulders to carry of late.......

The possible loss of me leg or the loss of me special maties.... I know which one I would rather lose......

There, done and dusted.... episode over...... what will be will be...... Im just so very scared........lets hope its all gonna just be fine...... lets all just pretend non of it ever happened, lets just turn the clock back a year and start again.... lets just wait and see what happens..... thats me, a worrywart of the highest....

Normal service will resume shortly..... please fasten your seatbelts....lets just get back to having fun aye....and hey, as scared as I am, Im still me daft self most of the time here, ask me maties LOL

Enough pathetic waffling babbling Twaddle....... just trying to explain to those that care, where Ive been and where I might be going....

This post is NOT a sad post, even though it might sound like Im whining and moaning LOL - its just an explaination on the ride Ive been on this past couple of weeks...... but Im ok now in me mind....just a little sad at lost friendships...... but Im fighting this with all I have.... so I didnt lose it completely much to the disgust of me maties here in the village LOL..... I would of been their first matie they would of had to of visited in some nuthouse LOL .....giggling :)

night.... oxo

65 comments:

buffalodickdy said...

I'll be hoping the best for you. I can only imagine how I would feel in your situation, and to be honest- I'd be scared too... Do your best to be positive- I know that must hard to do, but worrying is not going to help either. I don't pray much, as I believe the All Mighty has more important things to do running a universe than listening to me- but I'm going send one up- for you...

Ol' Lady said...

My thoughts are with you...hell, I'm even gonna send out a prayer. I'll be talkin to you soon.

MarmiteToasty said...

OK OK STOP lmfao....... dont make me delete this post....... this is NOT a sad post, its just an explanation as to me crazyness of late LOL......

So........ :)

~((Buffalo))~ yep scared shitless BUT nuffin is set in concrete right...... got 5 weeks to beat the shit out of this, so save ya prayers for those that really truelly need and deserve them..... (((Buff))) fanks you.....xxxxx

~((ol hag))~ oh shut up, thats NOT why I put this post up... gawds sake..... and I should be ringing you, you cant keep ringing here from Canada lol..... oh, ya could send me a red jacketed mounty to like leg tangle the nights away with, ya know.... for recovery purposes only lmfao....xxxxx

Charles Gramlich said...

I'll say a prayer as well. It must be very tough. I'm sending you good thughts.

Cindy said...

Whew! You're starting to sound like yourself again! I think that episodes like this are hardest on those who are used to being the one to help pull others out of their morasses. It's a scary place to be when you're not used to being the one in the blackness and it's even scarier when those you want to count on can only look at you in total confusion because they've never seen you falter before. I think it scares them and they just don't know what to do. Maybe, Mel, always being the strong one isn't always good for you and you sometimes need to be on the receiving end. You have tons of friends here and you do deserve all the love and care we all send your way. Even the strongest people sometimes need the strength of others- take it- and don't feel bad! We wouldn't offer it if we didn't want to! Love ya, Mel. Keep hanging on.

ciara said...

no peg leg for you young lady! :) i think they'll get it sorted, and with as tough as you are, i would think it would right itself. i know how tough you are so no matter what happens i think you'll be fine. i'm sorry about the friendship thing...that has to be hard. doesn't it seem like our heart is more fragile?? mel, ya know i love you and you WILL beat this and have that time for yourself that you so richly deserve. xoxoxoxo ciara

JeanieSpokane said...

Dear Mel! My heart is with you, and, here [reaches inside pocket] I have a song for you:

Twaddling Marmietoastie
All comfy and cozey
Teases the chickens
Like the dickens

Happy thoughts and prayers
Shows you everyone cares
Your wicked sick humor
Is better than a brain tumor!

We love you to pieces!

(ok, that was pitiful - but I hope you laughed)

Tori_z said...

Oh, how I wish I could turn the clock back to this time last year. But, I'm sorry to say it can't be done. *Sigh*

I'm sorry you've been through so much lately, and that you still have more to put up with before this is all over.

I hope you don't end up losing the leg. But, if you do then it can't really be helped.

I know it probably feels right now as if losing your leg would be the same as losing your chances to do all the things you wanted to do after your lads were all grown. But, it doesn't. OK, there may be a few things you wont be able to do (for example, I think dance school wouldn't be an option, lol) but there are also plenty of other things you WOULD be able to do.

I know some of them would have to be adapted, but... *shrugs*... I personally don't see the problem with that. There's always a way to do something you "REALLY" want to do. You just have to want it enough to find the way.

A disability isn't the end of the world.

Frum Helen Back said...

I didn't know it wasn't ok to whine when things are bad. I'll try to remember that but doubt it will do any good. What I'm trying to say is: I'd be whining a lot if I were you. Hopefully all will go well and you get to keep your leg.

Mean Mom said...

I'm sorry that things are so tough for you. I hope that everything turns out well.

Idaho Escapee said...

Sometimes I think anticipation is the worst by-product of a crisis; it's then that we tend to see the worst, blow things out of proportion, etc. I hope you don't lose a leg...I know this probably doesn't help much, but try not to think too far ahead...the old one-day-at-a-time thing...roll with it, baby...etc.etc. I don't know if human beings are ever really 'brave'; it's more that we just endure things as they happen. If I had my way, I could lay hands on your knee, shout to the heavens, "make this leg HEAL!" and you'd be jitterbugging around every dance floor you could find. I do know that whatever happens to you, you'll get thru it.

Robin said...

You know, you've had someone to tell/talk to, all along, and we will always be here.

You're dealing with some frightening crap, but you can take that load of bull and tip it over onto us. We can handle it.

Why? Because we love you, Mel. Across the miles, up and through satellites, down and around and sprinkled across your back garden like raindrops. We are all here.

I have your phone number and I would call you if you asked. Most anyone here would. The stark air of cyberspace can become warmth in a heartbeat.

You may have lost some close comfort, but you've seen just how much the world can offer up an entire batch of firewood when necessary.

Jay and I are still sending up good thoughts like fireworks. Until then, stay still, don't push it.... and I'd bet you'll have your leg until 'you don't need it no more'.

Fanks, for being you.

ChrisB said...

You are not whining and moaning you are just telling it like it is. You are having such a tough time and I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to have the worry that the leg might not mend. But you know there are lots of us rooting for you. So good vibes coming your way :)

Akelamalu said...

Oh Mel I have been praying so hard and sending you oodles of Reiki my love. I know I was scared when I had my knee op - there's always the fear that it will go wrong - but to actually have it go wrong must be so, so, frightening! I have a feeling though that you will come through this and you will NOT lose your leg so keep your chin up honey and you know where I am if you need to talk. xx

Mei Del said...

whatever happens marmie there are so many people who care for you - you've touched so many with your crazy twaddle and your lovely blog. i got up one morning early thinking of ya and turned on me laptop to see if you've posted anything and got yelled at by the darling. i was trying to be soo quiet too as he has to get up in the next hour or so and sleep was precious to an overworked chef - hah!

keeping fingers crossed for you you ol softie. love ya, xx00xx

MarmiteToasty said...

~((charles))~ fanks you, time to put back on me 'well ard' head and just fight like buggery again.. I think one always thinks of the worse outcome when one is at the very low point in life..... xxxxx

~((cindy))~ well yeah :) once Ive stacked all the shit and odds and ends of people on the shelves of me mind, I'll be back to normal, whatever normal for me is lol... can you tell the friendship thing outweighs everything else lol.... it was like hitting me when I was down.... to me thats way unfair.... and now the person here in real life is confused..... my new words in life are....'fuck em' :)..... whatever happens Im still me and tough titty....xxxxx

~(((ciara anyones for a free chew on a gimpy leg)))~ yeah, Ive let meself become to dam soft this past year, but back to me 'well ard bitch skank' self LOL.....love you to ciara, we go back a long way and I would trust you with my very soul....xxxxx

~((JeanneS)))~ LMRSSO you daft cow lmfao.... sending you a new book of lyrics LOL.....xxxxx

~(((ToriZ)))~ I know. I truely know, nuffin but death is the end of the world.....just everything got to piled high on me shoulders at the same time and I couldnt process it..... never going down that road again...... so maybe all this is meant to be, to shake me out of me 'softness zone' :)...xxxxx

~(((helen)))~ well I use moan and whine sometimes to certain maties, but never again..... and if the leg goes, Im gonna have it stuff and mounted like one of those moose heads in log cabins and hang it over me fireplace lol......xxxxx

~((mean mum))~ its just difficult feeling so vulnerable, I aint use to it and I so dont like it..... so, Ive done something about it lol....xxxxx

~((idaho escapee)))~ yeah, I was not worrying to much about 'it' and then other things and people became so very upsetting and it all came tumbling down....I use to call me matie Rich in Alaska a WorryWart (the one that sent me the moose poo) and now Ive turned into him lol......

Handing you a chainsaw and telling you just to be done with it and we will roast it on a BBQ LOL... fanks you, you always can make me smile......xxxxx

~(((Robin)))~ well I try not to make a fuss LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... but I have felt humbled by people I rarely know and the outpouring of friendship....... its been a real eye opener about so many things.... :) fanks you..... love me moose.....xxxxx

~((crispy)))~ well I try not to moan and groan on here, those noises should be kept in the bedroom LOL or the woods and a blanket lmfao.....xxxxx

~((ake)))~ There are so many times I wanted to ring ya, but I felt I had to 'just get on with it' cos I was felt to feel untrustworthy so I clammed up big time.....but Im ok, really I am..... something will sort..... it has to (((ake))) love you girl.....xxxxx

~((mei del))~ well this is the last post on the matter of me 'bad fortnight'... with a few little adjustments I'll me back to me in a little while, Ive missed it and am well cross with meself for letting certain people take 'me' out of me and just leave me a blabbering mess.... never again will I hand over that much control.... and yes I had gotten soft over the past year.... but, we live and learn..... LOL@waking the darling up to Twaddle ya loon lol.....xxxxx

Inland Empire Girl said...

I am very relieved that you got the medicine mess straightened out. It took courage to share all this, but thanks. You are always in our prayers on this side of the pond. Good for you also that you can still weave some humor into your blog post.

LadyStyx said...

Oh but everyone deserves prayer, whether they're having bad times or not. ~smiles~ So Im saying my prayers for you too...quick healing and days of sunshine for you my new friend.

I've been where you're at...although for a different reason. The feelings were pretty much the same though. It takes a while but eventually you become closer to who you were before the dark spots hit.

@>------ *HUGZ*

JBelle said...

Ah, what the hell. Sometimes things are better than others. Just works that way.

Anonymous said...

Even though times are tough for you right now, your humor is showing through and I like it. You have a good attitude about things and we all go through times that are very hard on us, but somehow we always seem to pull through. We are all with you in this and hopefully you will laugh at this some day, though a pained laugh I'm sure. I have been burning some very special candles for you daily and sending out as many positive thoughts as I can, along with some strange didg music to enhance the mood. I have been trying to mail a get well card to you also but have had no luck, as I'm waiting till your mood tells me to. Today just might be the day. The Stickman

Tori_z said...

I understand. A person can only take so much. I just wanted to help you realise that things will work out alright. No matter what happens. Things have a way of working out in the end. Not always the way you'd like them too, unfortunately. But, they work out.

Anyway, I hope you're feeling back to your old self now... Or, at least close to it. :)

wood_song said...

Mel...well done :-)

jolie-jordan said...

Hi Marmie,

You are the best medicine I have heard...now that you are getting back to your fighting weight (self). I love the cute ditty that CindyS wrote for you...it might be one of those goofy tunes that keeps rolling around on ones tongue till it drives you nuts.

Think positive thoughts and do not allow any of that "stinkin thinkin" about losing your leg sit in your head. Shut your eyes and envision your leg healthy and strong again and then send a shout out that all will be okay.

I'm always thinking good thoughts for you.

By the way I've tried to call but these American telephone operators say I need a city code and that none of the names I have in your address are cities so I can't get a code to get through. Dammed frustrating is what it is. I told them that it has to be a city because you get the things I mail. They seem to think I'm nuts or lieing to them. Now why the hell would I lie? Buttholey-o's. So if you know your city code just e-mail it to me and I'll give you a call so my lovely voice can comfort you. hee-hee

Love ya, Jolie

Lisa said...

Well, Holy Cr*p, Mel! Here I was, thinking you were down because the strip no longer wanted you pole dancing, and instead you are worrying about losing that sexy leg altogether! Slap my *ss and call my Shirley!

Okay, here's a deal. I'm waiting (and waiting) for an MRI to tell me if I need spine surgery. If I do, and end up paralyzed from the neck down, maybe we can get a group rate at the nuthouse! You and me and any other crazy friends who want to join us!

I can see it now! Me, up front, strapped to my wheelchair making sexually inappropriate comments to the hottie orderlies, you, behind me in your chair, pushing me along with your good leg, pinching the afore mentioned hotties on the arse, while they are distracted by my rude comments! Throw in some sweets and I think we have a hot day planned! Whatcha think about that??

Jade said...

Keep fighting Mel! And just know that if it does come to it, I know you're one of the few women I'd ever say really has the 'balls' to still stand firm and carry on with whatever shitty cards you're dealt!

Lehners in France said...

Toastie, your post hit so many nerves with me. My brother had his leg amputated when he was nineteen. I knew things were dwelling heavily on you in your last posts. Please know we and I am here for you. You are using your humour to gloss over a serious issue. Please email me and I can phone you. France (x)

Maggie May said...

OHHHHHH! Now I am almost in tears! You are one brave lady. I sincerely hope that things will take a turn for the better & that it won't happen. That the leg will heal.
Thinking of you & sending up some prayers.X

Kati said...

Dang, Toasty!!!! You've been through one hell of a ride, thus far. I kinda had a feeling that you were looking at the potential loss of your leg, from your tone in recent posts. I sincerely hope that whatever infections or such are currently residing in your body heal before that becomes a necessity. I know you're not trying to elicit sympathy or pity, but dang girl!!! You cannot go through all that and not get just a LITTLE rush of sadness from the rest of us, knowing how active a lady you are. So, like it or not, wanting it or not, I AM feeling some sorrow for ya. But, sorrow mixed with hope, since you're SOUNDING a bit better, anyway. At least emotionally.

Sending you much love and many prayers from me and the moose!!! *wink*

Slip said...

Buck up girl! Being crazy ain't all bad, just think of the shit you can say and people will write it off in hushed whispers. "The old girl's batty don't you know," is what they will say.

I was at my flat farm all day and I peed on my lucky poison ivy for ya!

My E-mail is ..... slipshodent@roadrunner.com

Send me some love and I will give you my mailing address.

MarmiteToasty said...

~((InlandEmpireGirl))~ the meds were trying to suss and sort out loads of things, but they turned me brain to mush and fuzzyness and so I couldnt rationally process anything proper.... so everything hit 100 times harder then it usually would.... so now Im just on painkillers and anit inflamatory ones.... oh and the twice weekly antibiotic injection in me bum lol.... life aye.....xxxxx

~((ladystyx))~ well I will always take me wind up radio with me so that I wont ever be in the dark again :)..... and learn NOT to expect from people that you thought would be their for me.... back to me old tough 'stand alone' self.... its easier and safer that way....xxxxx

~((JBelle))~ yep, I know.... its what Ive learnt from this experience and what is to come, that will determine the path I now take.....xxxxxxxxxxx

~(((Stickman))))~ well just dont set light to yourself with all those candles...... :) oh it was didgy music, and there was me throwing water on me cats with all that catawalling lol....I truely think 'this' was meant to be..... it pulled me up short and sharp and made me realise about 'people' and how opening ones soul is not always a good thing.... 5 weeks, I have 5 weeks to beat this thing......xxxxxxxxx

~(((ToriZ)))~ Ive had off days in life before, I think everyone has.... but I usually just get on with the shit and toughen up, but this hit me for six..... Im just glad that the main cause for loosing me mazbles and not being able to cope with 'lifes shit' this time was mainly (not wholly) due to the lethal mixture of drugs...... so now to kick the shit out of this gimpy knee :)....xxxxx

~(((wood-song))~ cripes now I feel like a dog being patted on the head LMFAO...... ;)..... its ok.... it really is ok, fanks you....xxxxxxx

~((jolie)))~ I to had the best medicine ever on Thursday when I cried and cried with laughter with me matie when we went out to the garden centre for an hour...... plants and flowers are my life and my passion and so are my true friends.....

:) Portsmouth - the area code would be Portsmouth.... the 023 at the beginning of me phone number is our area code but I think you have to add something else.... aint sure though....... but me actuall phone number starts from the 92...

(((Jolie))) love ya....xxxxxxx

~(((lisa))))~ you most certainly would fit in here with me mad maties, shame we dont live nearer LOL..... it would be such a scream.... :)....... fanks you..... just for being you..... you have slotted into my life as if you was meant to be there from yonks ago lol......xxxxx

~(((jade)))~ lol@stand firm..... I might not have a leg to stand on or so the saying goes lmfao..... and balls...... yeah, your right.... I just let that scotum sack loose for a while LOL time to regrow me balls LMFAO HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAH.......xxxxx

~(((((France))))))~ jebus, about your brother.... sigh.... I'll email ya later today..... fanks you....xxxxxx

~(((maggie may)))~ NO MORE TEARS... aint that a shampoo advert?..... things will be what they will be.... and now Im down from cloud cuckcoo land I know that.......xxxxx

~((((kati))))~ all donations of real mooses are gratefully accepted lol....... now I really ought to have a quiet word with Starr who send me cowie lol... if anyone can get me send over a real live moose then its him lol..... and DONT be sad, its not over til the fat lady sings and I aint singing yet ;).....xxxxxx

~(((slip)))~ but Im only a novice in the crazy stakes LOL..... well me maties here in the village might tell ya different lol.....

Dam I have to give a bit of loving before I get ya address LMFAO...... wondering if you sleep naked or in boxers LOL..... and hey NO TONGUES or ya wifey wont like it LOL.....xxxxx

ITS SUNDAY JUST AFTER LUNCH HERE AND ITS BOILING HOT OUT IN THE GARDEN...... dam I wish we had a pool.... I might have to try and drag the little kids paddling pool out from behind the shed to sit with me feet in..... summers here..... just hope I can get to have some sorta break/holiday this year..... for the first time ever.... I truely believe I deserve one........oxo

Lisa said...

Yo girl! You are most welcome to come and live in my shed! I will fix it up right cute, shove the tiller over and whisk out any buggies that I see! And it even has a ramp into it! How perfect!

The we can sit around and do crafts just like in a real nuthouse! I bet we could make a fortune making Redneck Windchimes out of sticks, string and empty Coke cans! That would also add some class to the shed!

Lisa said...

Oh! And there was a guy at a craft show who made shooters out of PVC pipe and blew mini marshmallows through for the dog to chase. We could sit on the front porch and do that too!

Ah! Good times... good times!

Pamela said...

This explains so much!

I would think it is normal to be so down and discouraged. You have MY permission to let it out -- before it breaks you into pieces trying to get out.

Medications can really screw up our heads - (especially if your head is already screwed up weird like yours and mine)

Because I am a fairly new reader - I don't know about the lost friendship. Do you have a post ( or posts) to link to that? I'm such a nosey old wart.

toadman said...

I was sitting in the garden under the warm sun today and thought about you...glad to see you're back....

I got your IM's at my office...feel free to leave them even if I'm not there. Nobody gets on my machine but me...

Love ya Mel...we all do.

Now.. buck up and get with it ya daft cow!!

Coral said...

Well I think you are being really brave. You will not lose the leg, I know (I am good at knowing stuff like that).

Anyway I finaly posted your card this weekend, so you should get it soonish.

Just keep getting the injections and do not drive, do not put any strain on your new bits!!

I am waiting to hear good news soon.

Hugs
xxxx

jolie-jordan said...

and when you flew over that chickens nest did you find me?
Have a good day my sweet.
xxxJolie

cast in the name of god, ye not guilty said...

Marmie! I've been thinking about you so much you even appeared in my dream the other night! I was dreaming that I had come to help you with the gardening and chores, but that I had forgotten to pack any extra socks and shirts except the ones I was wearing so we had to go shopping and I had the damnedest time trying to figure out your money!

Yeah yeah, I know.... I'm a weirdo...

=] Glad to see you're getting on a little better.

<3 and hugs!

Mel 2

Mom not Mum said...

I wish I lived closer - I would drive on over. I found your wee twin the other day. A little girl in Jordan's class brought a great treasure to school the other day - a great sheeps head - with still a bit of "meat" that hadn't completely boiled off - or whatever they did to clean the skull. I was tempted to ask if I could have it.

Hope you're feeling better!!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

As I read through your words, feel the "ain't this shit" you've been going through, you still bring smiles to me, Ms. Toasty.

I have ended this post humming (and singing) Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life."

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...

Coral said...

I didn't ask - How is Sam doing?

soul pumpkin said...

...Hey Toasty...you'll be runnin' with Mabel the chicken before you know it...

Lehners in France said...

Hi Toastie, I hope you ar doing OK. I love to see your little bird hopping around, it always makes me smile. I'm off to England for a few days and am hoping when I return the chicks should be just about due, so get ready for the photos. I have an award over at my place for you. France ((X))

B.R.M said...

Thinking of you - admiring your strength - your Tennessee friend can't do much - but send thoughts and prayers. You are loved.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote
"Friendship is a sheltering tree."

Here for you.

TN Becky

Bina said...

Having major surgery is bad enough, but topped with friendships lost, and maybe the loss of a leg, and the fact you can't get around, no WONDER you are feeling the way you do. And with the meds?? Lordy woman, I'm amazed you aren't ALREADY in a nut house!

And even though you don't want to hear it, I am so very sorry you have to go through this. It seems you have been through so much in life and now this? I will be thinking of you often and praying everything turns out okay. You deserve a mircle in your life, and maybe this will be it!

LadyStyx said...

Yeah, I hear you there. Have had a few that I thought were going to stand by me as I stood by them in their times of need...yet when I was the one needing the help *poof* they disappeared. I think there's only been 2-3 that I actually met that didnt disappoint me in some way or another. I hope today's another bright day for ya.


@>------- *HUGS*

Sandi McBride said...

We have a prayer chain of Prayer Warriors and if anyone needed this band of Nunnery Rejects, I'd say it's you...So, I'm going to put out the word that you need uplifting and a healing...I'll go check out your "complete profile" and see what I need to know...nah, no need to do that...God knows who I'm talking about, so I'll send up a word...it couldn't hurt...and I'm sure it'll help a lot. I've been in very nearly the same place as you and was told just five years ago that since I was paralyzed from the neck down, the surgery on my broken neck was like to help from the waist up, but I'd never walk again. Well, I don't have swing that first drew hubbies attention but I'm not hideously lame either...and all from the Prayer Warriors demanding an answer. I shall demand an answer. God's speed and have faith. In God's Name, all things are possible
I came here through Deb of the Lehners in France. Congrats on your award!
Sandi

Robin said...

Last week, the word was.....





......Cedric.





Cedric? I'm still waiting for word about Cedric.

(Because, I know you're getting better....).

JBelle said...

what's going on today?

Casdok said...

Hugs and strength to you x

(Very) Lost in France said...

MT - be happy, take care. I've got chicks arriving any day. I'll send you photos to cheer you up. VLiF

Shannon said...

Marmie-Too bad you didn't live over here! You would have had a steady stream of visitors to lift your spirits. I would have brought my "nippers" to see you and taken you a plant or two. I'll be praying for you!

Idaho Escapee said...

You commented (on my blob) about spending $5,000 on your Renault...(nice cars!)...during the last week, I've spent about $700 on my vehicle (Dodge Intrepid), but hopefully that's a good investment. It's a 1999 model, and only has about 73,000 miles on it now. 75,000 miles is when cars usually begin having problems. But 75,000 is a long ways, and hopefully your legs will last that long. I'm in yer corner always...

Intense Guy said...

Hi Marmitetoasty - you don't know me but I've been reading along for a while now having ventured this way via ladystyx and tori_z. I've been amazed by both your charm and by how much your fellow blog readers care about you - they are a most eloquent lot. I've come away inspired by much of what they have to say.

You are extremely blessed to have these folks -

I read the bit on "peg leg" and have to say something about that. We humans are a resilient bunch and many of us have had to overcome setbacks; setbacks of all types. For some the handicap is only a challenge and certainly does nothing to deter them from going where they want and doing what they want. Hearing loss, loss of vision, loss of mobility, being able to leave the home... you name it - someone has overcome it and in a fashion that would inspire even the hardest-headed (and blackest of heart) amongst us.

I've a handicap that changes how I live life, yet do not think upon it much - I am get awed and inspired by those that have no sight - or those without a leg.

I have known two "peg legs". One lost a leg in a motorcycle accident as a very young man - he later got a PhD in chemistry and worked for 50 years at a drug company, raising 7 children and mowing his own 2 acre lawn.

The other I met while boating - she works for a "bionic" leg company and the missing leg doesn't slow her down at all - I've seen her run 5k races and I've seen her jump onto a sailboat and tend the winches and sails as well as mind the sail locker and galley.

I know someone that can't see that surfs the web and has a most delightful sense of "being".

I can't help but be inspired by these people - just as I am inspired by the support your blog reading friends have for YOU.

I hope you find a peaceful place within you - and a smile returns to your face. I'm one hundred percent certain that smile is contagious and people far and wide light up inside when they see it.

Frum Helen Back said...

Hey Marmie, it's been awhile since you've posted. Pretty please talk to us.

Tori_z said...

Iggy:
That was very nicely put. *hugs* :)

Toasty:
How're you doing? And, glad you liked the flowers. *hugs* :)

little wanderer said...

hi crazy girl how is you doing? its me her that was the northern girl, you know the one, so come over and have a laugh.
been thinking bout you x

Lehners in France said...

Hey Toastie, are you ok? Are you going for another 100 comments on your post? I hope you are feeling a little better and coping with life. France (((X)))

joannie said...

Sounds like things are back to "normal"! I guess if it turns out you need a spare part, just think of all the fun you might have with it, stowing cash from bank robberies, stopping traffic, taking it off at inappropriate times. Do hope it doesn't come to that and in all truthfulness, something that serious, that's something to grieve. It IS scary. What you said about not knowing which is worse, losing a limb or a friend-probably about equivalent in the pain of loss department.

jolie-jordan said...

Hi Marmie,
Just me checking in again. Feeling some better yet? I've been sending out good vibes to you...sending you extra bits of strength and comfort...just shut your eyes and catch them in your heart.

Hopefully all the good vibes from the many, many of us who care about you will help you and your leg feel healthier each day.

Stay high...stay dry...let your little light shine on bright. And when in doubt eat you some comfort food. And try to be a good girl you naughty old thing. Keep checking your mailbox and see what I found for you.

Hugs and hugs and hugs to you.
xxxJolie

MarmiteToasty said...

SORRY I AINT BEEN AROUND, IVE BEEN BACK INTO HOSPITAL FOR MORE SURGERY FOR THE LAST PART OF THE WEEK..... JUST COULDNT SHARE, THATS ALL....

~(((((Lisa))))~ could I have little gingham curtains up at the windows LOL..... oh my and I LOVE doing craft projects.... we could have a little table out the front in the road and sell to passing holiday makers LOL....xxxxx

~((((pamela))))~ well it was a lethal combination of things :)

Ive done and dusted me grieving of lost friendships.... got me well hard head back on that has seen me through some horrendous situations in life, far worse then all this rubbish :)....ya nosey old bag LMFAO....certain person/people got the wrong end of the stick and were not prepared to talk it out like adults... their loss, thats all I will say ....xxxxx

~(((Toadie)))~ well, I shouldnt of IM'd I was having a bad hour LOL.... and then didnt feel I could share about me going back in for more surgery....so just kept meself to meself.....xxxxx

~(((coral)))~ the next few weeks will be the deciding factor.... after surgery last Thursday things are hanging by a thread....ps... I did drive me car last week seeing at its an automatic it was strange and difficult after so long lol...xxxxx

~(((((jolie))))~ LOL I found ya down in the cellar lol.....love you....xxxxxx

~((((guilty)))~ oh cripes lmfao it must of been a bloody nightmare...xxxxx

~(((MnM))))~ oh my I would of LOVED the sheeps head lol I know, Im a sicko :).... its ok, Im coping....xxxxx

~((((((Saintly))))))~ ya know what, I was more upset over broken friendships and trust then anything else and the meds just compounded me straight thinking.... now they are all sorted out then Im now thinking straight on SO MANY THINGS.... its been and continues to be an eye opener :).... and even at me lowest I can somehow always still find a bit of me sick humour coming to the surface lol - fank you, you dear dear man.......xxxxxx

~(((coral))))~ well the little sod is back skateboarding GGrrrrrrrrrrrr he can be as stubborn as his muvver sometimes ;).....fank you dear sweet you for the lovely phone calls....you must work for the CIA to track down me number lol....xxxxx

~((((France)))))~ oh my your coming home lol.... its been a rough week on one hand but on the other my youngest had a birthday so on the other it was also good....xxxxx

~((((brm)))~ dear you, sorry Im neglected you of late.... hows married like you lucky jammy special woman....Ive loved you romance from day one :)...... xxxxxxx

~((((bina))))~ now I have me normal 'well ard' head back on me shoulders things are looked at differently...... most people cos I always cope and manage and get on with things didnt see this a major LOL......xxxxx

~(((ladystyx))))~ well cos I was shit on, I so hope it doesnt make me now step back when others need a hand or a listening ear or just a hand, cos Ive always been there, it would of just been nice this once for it to be given.......I hope I just still stay ME.....xxxxxx

~(((sandi)))~ welcom whomever ya are lol.....ya know I dont do god dont ya..... he finds me to much of a challenge and now you can see why LOL.... but fanks anyways..... and I KNOW Ive over reacted about stuff and paniced when I should just wait and see and there are so many others worse off....

But, those that know me KNOW how my life has been and that I should be cut a bit of bloody slack just bloody once before Im to old to appreciate it lol......xxxxx

~((((((robin)))))~ Cedric is me rescue bloody cockeral that now lives with Janet and Mabel and who gets his 'oats' as the saying goes daily by his two lady friends lol.... maybe if I continue Twaddle I will post about him.... he is such a joy and funny and skitty and oh so beautiful.... just needing Janet or Mabel to get broody now lol.....xxxxx

~((((JBelle))))~ well today, Im gonna try and drop Jacob and his maties off at the cinema in town for his birthday treat, which will be difficult seeing as I only came out of hospital yesterday after surgery late Thursday evening..... so it will be a challenge but its his treat so I will do whatever it takes......xxxxxx

~(((casdok))))~ fanks you..... hope all is well with you and C... I think about you both often.....xxxxx

~((((very lost))))~ oh my I would LOVE to see them...... Im hoping that Cedric does the deed and gets his woman up the duff LOL..... not that I have room for anymore chickens...... but if I move to Cornwall I will make sure I have a smaller house but a bigger garden..... or shack up with some Cornish farmer LOL.....xxxxx

~((((shannon))))~ welcome to you.... me handful of special maties here have been great as much as they can with their own families to look after and of course all me nippers to..... Im fiercely independent and I never ask maybe thats the trouble .......xxxxx

~((((idaho Escapee))))~ yeah and that $5,000 was just on the repairs to Ceril me Renault Espace in his last year of life lol.... so he had to go to the knackers yard about 18 months ago, hence 'J' me Previa I drive now :)....and fanks for being in my corner :) good job I dont like in a round house LMFAO.....xxxxxxxx

~((((intense guy)))))~ welcome you, whomever you be....... I know Ive been real selfish and there are so many others worse off.... I know this...... I truely do feel ashamed and humbled and embarrassed and a worthless shit by all that has happened of late...... ya see, its not just all this, its stuff reaching back many years and how Ive survived some horrendous things and then when I get near the end of my life it seems that Im being punished even more when I just want/need a few years for ME.... I know you wont understand where Im coming from, the only person that would truely understand whats what was me bestest matie Tina that died 2 years ago.... she is the only one that knew all..... and I dont expect anyone to understand me just by reading me rubbish here........ but I so get where your coming from...... and Im usually oh so strong....... dont get me wrong I have panic days where I think 'holy cow' etc..... but I can usually suss and sort anything out.... and this has been completely out of my control, which has not been helped by the cocktail of drugs......

And hey....... can you see me smile from there :)..... can ya? cos I am..... even after having more surgery on Thursday and not telling a single soul..... cos I didnt see the point LOL.....see, back to me 'well ard' self that has to look out for meself, cos no one else is gonna.......xxxxxxx

~((((Helen)))))~ sorry....... the week before last I had the hospital and physios 4 times and last week it was the same except they took me in on Thursday and whipped me back into theatre..... lets see what becomes of that..... its hanging by a thread so I just need to find me sewing kit lol.....xxxxx

~((((ToriZ and Kelly)))))~ Fank you fank you fank you for the most beautiful flowers I have ever received...... you are well naughty.... they truely are gorgeous, I so do NOT deserve them.......xxxxxxxx

~((((little))))~ hey you, missed you...... I will hopefully during the week maybe get around to flitting around everyones blobs and returning the many emails that I have become a slagbag about..... xxxxxx

~((((((France)))))~ I was at the hospital having drains drained and then intense phsio Mon and Weds and then admitted on Thursday til Saturday....... so yes Im ok in a strange sort of ok way LOL.....xxxxx

~(((joannie))))~ well not quite back to normal lol BUT then I aint normal anyways lol....... yep.... special friends mean the world to me.. so now I grieve a little for them.... but, oh well, we all have choices in life and they have made theirs LOL........ next........xxxxx

~(((((((jolie)))))))~ hey you lovely dear beautiful lady.....Im hanging in there..... me heads clear of all meds now...... so things are looking not so cloudy.... and I will be able to deal with shit better lol..... love you......xxxxxxxxx

Lehners in France said...

Toastie, It's lovely to have you back again. I'm back in France and my husband can't understand why I'm blubbing about someone I've never met! I hope all went well with the drains and Physio, it sounds like a good sign!

I went to check Simone (silkie)today, she's sitting on 8 eggs. The smell was terrible, I lifted her up and put her outside for a poo and a drink and some wet bread. One of her eggs had broken. I cleaned her nest and gave her some fresh straw, the eggs should be hatched in the next few days. Big hugs France (((X)))

Tori_z said...

You're VERY welcome. And, yes, you DO deserve them. If we didn't think you deserved them we wouldn't have sent them, would we? :)

And, don't be too hard on yourself. Nobody expects you to just suffer in silence. Everyone's just trying to help you look on the bright side.

Hope the surgery went well on Thursday. *Hugs*

As for who Intense_Guy is... He followed me and LadyStyx over here. But, it's OK. He's friendly. LOL!

Robin said...

You had BETTER continue to 'Twaddle'. I mean (gasp)---don't even think about shutting this down.


....Going to lie down, now......

Lena said...

What ever happens, Toastie, (and I'm faxing him upstairs for a good result here, too!) you'll still be able to wrap your beautiful arms around people. It don't work so well with legs - does it??

Grasp on to that sense of humour if you can, girl. Fear's a bastard but what ultimately happens, you've still got what a heck of a lot don't - and that's the ability to make people laugh. I'm not around a lot but I do think of you every day....and remember the first laugh you gave me when I read how you hoovered up that bird!

*hugs*

Frum Helen Back said...

Oh Marmie, no wonder we didn't hear from you. I do hope the doctors will get rid of that infection so you can heal properly. Enough is enough and you've been through more than that.