Sunday, 1 June 2008

Part Time Nutcase...

Ok......... Im sat here in front of the computer and blank staring at the monitor and thousands and thousands of thoughts and feelings are rushing through me head..... bashing against the sides.......not knowing how to write anything down..... just knowing that I owe everyone and meself an explanation...... and not even knowing where to begin.....



Thats me hobbling towards the end of the tunnel.... I sooooooo dont look good in orange :)

Thoughts of confusion..... thoughts of love..... thoughts of deep embarrasment....thoughts of lost trust from people I love.... thoughts of hopelessness....... thoughts of 'I didnt think people cared'...... thoughts of great great sadness of things lost..... thoughts of such fear....... and not being able to explain those fears to those I love.... cos I was scared more of loosing those people then the fears themselves...but it looks like I might of lost them anyway.... thoughts of so many things...... thoughts of how deeply deeply touched I am by those that have commented on this blob that dont really know me yet have showed so much depth and care then I have ever ever experienced in me life..... ever....

I wanted to sit here and explain.... no excuses....... just maybe explain..... Ive lost many things this week besides me marbles..... but I have also gained so very very much..... much more then I could of ever imagined.....



When ya think no one cares about ya in the world and ya feel completely alone.... and when ya so need to share some serious things with those that ya love, yet ya feel ya cant and ya hold back and then those people get the wrong end of the stick and they point fingers of mistrust......and so more gets piled on ya shoulders to carry, when already ya shoulders are full with all that you have to hold inside..... its hard to see the focus and purpose of staying.....

And then when ya see the outpouring on ya blob, just through posting 4 photos and a couple of words.... when ya realise that strangers have not judged, even when that bird of insanity is pecking out me mind and soul...... it makes one humble so very very humble.....

Ya see........ there aint never been anything in life that I aint been able to suss and sort out, not just for me, but for others that cross me path in life...... its always been 'Mel will sort it out' - 'go see Mel, she will figure it all out' - Im the most trustworthy people to friends and even strangers when they are down or low or at their wits end.....there aint never been anything in life that I couldnt handle, and believe me much of me life has not been a free ride, and I know Ive overcome all that life has thrown at me knowing that 'its what it was' no matter what its been..... so when I found meself in this place of dispair and no path out.... it just about blew me mind..... there are so many reaons as to why.... all the shit piled high on me shoulders that even I have not get sifted through and stacked on the shelves of me mind..... so trying to explain as yet, would be unfair.... so unfair.....

So, today in this post Im not going to even try to explain where all these thoughts of dispair have come from.... and those that think they know me and think they know..... sorry, but you really truelly dont fully have a clue..... and yet I was judged on something that was completely out of my hands for a while....

Im not out of the woods yet, just maybe out of the tree....... lets see what tomorrow brings......

But I just wanted to let you know that I have never ever in all me life felt so humble with the outpouring of thoughts and well wishes from you all, and the little cards that some sent and the emails that have nudged me into sanity...and the phone calls made to me from strangers with concern.... and the lovely gifts that I have received.... and the words of hope...... its all been so very overwhelming....I truely do not deserve it.... not me... I truely dont....

And Im sure there are some that are reading this and thinking what a fake, what a pathetic person...... and that to is ok..... cos this week has shown me who and what really matters.... and some dont even come close to knowing how my mind or soul works, cos some of you just have me wrong, so very wrong......

I need to especially fank ((Bob)) I dont think you will fully realise what that phone call did for me...... and ((pixie and woodsong)).... and (((Wendy, Susan and Toadies))...((Peanut)) Im so very very sorry, I do love you.... ((Coral))... ((Ol lady - jebus if only you knew how special that phone call was))....((Cis)) - and dear dear (((((((Starr))))))) for continuing to nudge me back into life - and everyone that commented on me blob.... ya all very special....



Maybe later in the week I will have the engery to share me mind and WTF just happened LMFAO....... I only just shared a huge fear with people that I love last night..... lets see what tomorrow brings.....

I will probably come back and delete this Twaddle when Ive had time to think about it proper, cos Im sure it sounds all jumbled and finger pointy and daft..... please whomever might read things into words typed..... please know, I would never intentionally upset or hurt you... this media is so very very hard to work with......

I know I will NEVER find meself in this place ever again.... cos those energy saving lightbulbs aint all that bright in a dark room..... Ive learnt so much about life and people and most importantly about meself this week.....

OXO

ps...... I will also try over the coming days to reply to ALL the comments on the previous blob post..... and all those many emails that I just couldnt reply to over the past few days... it was not that I was ignoring ya, it was just I couldnt understand meself let alone explain things.....

AND MrPert WINS the prize for being the 100th post LMFAO...... your prize is the 36 staples that I saved from me operation lmfao..... :) fireworks horns hoots and whistles for the prize winner lol....

62 comments:

Akelamalu said...

I'm so relieved to see a post from you Mel, jumbled or not it's just good to know you're still alive and kicking - well with one leg anyway!

Whenever you're ready we'll be here until then get yourself together and remember there's a whole lot of people who care about you m'deario. xxxx

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm not quite sure from this whether you are feeling a lot better or not, but it seems you are feeling a bit better at least. I'm sending warm thoughts your way.

Robin said...

Getting out of the tree is a great start on your path out of the forest. It's so good to read a new post from you! Still sending thoughts your way.....

Robin and Jay

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((ake))))~ hey you.... right jumbled aye lol.... I owe you so many emails.... soon ok... soon...xxxxx

~((((charles)))))~ different better if that makes sense, still a long long way physically to go, but mentally, well Im on the right road, just need to get me head around a few more things and then shove them on the shelves of life and just get the f*ck on with it all.... and sod it........ :) xxxxx

~(((((Robin)))))))~ looking at the little moose that is sitting next to this computer and laffing at the cards... fanks you.... just for sticking with me when I so dont deserve it....xxxxx

Lisa said...

Marmy! Fanks for sending up a flare, even if it sputters a bit. We don't care about any of that, you that you are okay.

Good to see you by candlelight, girl! Looking forward to brighter days ahead!!

jolie-jordan said...

Whew! I can take a breath now that you have written. You sound much better to me and that has made a bleak rainy day turn sunny. (smile)

Don't worry about sorting things out right now...just rest, pamper and take care of yourself. Let the healing begin. Let the laughter back into your life.

I had me some pickled beets with my morning eggs and I tipped my tea to you. I figured you'd be the one to understand pickled beets with breakfast. lmao...

be well Mel...
xxxJolie

Interplanet Janet said...

I'm so happy to see you've surfaced, (((((Mel)))). If you ever come to Portland, we'll put on our squirrel suits, ride out to Spokane and mess up Bob's bushes... LOLOLOL. Seriously, I am so glad you are feeling better. You really are loved. Don't ever allow yourself to doubt that. :)

Your Interplanet Chicken

(PS - got a funny embarrassing story to tell you that I know you will appreciate it (anything to keep you laughing). Had to give my doctor a little "gift" if you know what I mean - they are checking my intestines for this pain I have been having still. So how am I going to get this to his office so that no one knows what I'm bringing in? Simple - put it in a bright pink gift bag with flowered tissue paper and "present" it. Carol at the front desk nearly busted a gut laughing when I came in. Had anybody in the elevator asked me what was in the bag, I would have said, "Oh, just a little gift - toiletries and bathroom stuff. You know..." LOLOLOLOL

Tori_z said...

No matter what you think, you DO deserve all the well wishes, e-mails, cards, etc you've gotten from people.

I hope you can sort out the jumble of thoughts in your mind soon. In the meantime, please know I'm thinking of you. *hugs*

Mei Del said...

just glad to find that you're out of out of yer tree. sending you more well wishes and looking forward to that day also when you're out of the woods xx00xx

Kati said...

Awww Toasty. I'm so sorry to read that you've been in such a dark and dismal place. I AM glad that you see that we all love you and hope the best for you. You are NOT a fake and a fraud. You're our friend and you're in a hard spot right now. But, at least you see that we love ya!

Keep up with the healing and the getting better. Whenever you're well enough to get back to us, we'll be here waiting. And take your time. We don't want ya hurting yourself again!

Word Tosser said...

Bravo, well and honestly said, and don't you dare delete it..
Friendship is a powerful thing... and with internet, we gain friends from other countries.. people we may never get to meet.. but the friendship is just as powerful..
As you can see, we are all....ALL .. wishing you well, and in your own time of posting on the blog..

raymond pert said...

I would be honored to be the humble, undeserving recipient of your staples. It would help me with the question my students ask me more often than any other:

Do you have a stapler?

If you'd really like to send me these medical diamonds, email me at billy1227@gmail.com.

If you don't really want to send them to me, no problem.

I'd love to have you as an email pal all the same.

ChrisB said...

I'm feeling that I sort of get the gist of this post. In the short time I have been following your blog, I have come to enjoy your sense of humour and I love what you write. It can be so difficult to feel vulnerable when you have been used to being strong for others. Warm wishes being sent your way.

The Mistress of the Moonlight said...

Hi, I am so glad that you are posting again. No matter how confused you may be feeling just not, we were worried about you!!!! You will sort this out for yourself. I do so understand that when a strong person gets sick no one seems to see that that person needs support, too. You may have sorted it out for lots of people. I do hope that you are feeling better soon. We here in Western NY were worried about you. Chin up! One foot in front of the other, you will get there. Your friend in so many ways, M

Phil said...

"Let's see what tomorrow brings..."

Those are very hopeful words. I say them to myself all the time.

I hope all of your tomorrows bring something better.

Take care of yourself.

Bob said...

Jolly good show as they say in England. Or maybe they only say that on American TV ... not sure ... but never underestimate the power of inner strength and hidden potential and lots and lots of sweet people on the blogosphere.

Cedar Street Kid said...

while true that I do not know you personally, I have always enjoyed your blog, and consider it an honor when you visit mine.Just remember, that we are all connected, and when one suffers, we all suffer, and when one rejoices, we all rejoice. Keep the spirit,kiddo.

Jeanne H said...

Marmie - so glad to see your post today. I couldn't figure out how to leave a message here last week, so I wrote you a letter...but today, no problem. Please get this, Mel, not one of us is any better than the other. God made us all the same. It is the circumstances of life that form our character...we ALL have problems in life...I believe God knows who are the strong ones who can be trusted to get through the hurdles that come their way. Don't ever for a moment think that you are not loved. This time in your life is temporary, honest it is...tomorrow the sun will shine and you'll be stronger for having gone through the rough time. A friend once said to me "we go through what we go through so we can help someone else go through what we went through!" Please do keep in touch with us, no matter how bleak things look. Every cloud has a silver lining...there IS light at the end of the darkness. And you are RICH in friendships! Love you, Mel - JeanneH in Idaho xoxoxoxoxo

Shannon said...

36 staples!! Wow! You are a very special person and you have a lot more people who care about you than you realize, especially at HBO. I love reading the wonderful stories on your "blob", even if the doctors don't let you take pictures of their butts:) I'll be praying for your swift recovery with no more setbacks.

Frum Helen Back said...

It was so nice to read your post Marmie cause I know you must be feeling a little better. I love reading everything you write and I'm glad you are able to share when you are sad too. I'm sure we've all been there and back, hense my pen name.

Ol' Lady said...

Please remember what really matters...YOU!!!
Those that decide to 'not fit'...fuck 'em all
BTW...I saw a 'tramp' today...guess which one :)
Loads of Love from this side of the staples :)

In_spired said...

It is 12:15 a.m., Monday morning. I'm usually asleep way before now. But tonight, thoughts kept nudging at my mind...sleep didn't come. Now I know that I was supposed to read your post. Mel, I haven't 'known' you as long as many of these other people that are so dedicated to you but you already know how you've grabbed my heart from the first time I looked at your blog. We're a far distance apart but I feel close in spirit. Please get to feeling better. MY! You're a talented writer!!

Inland Empire Girl said...

When I took a tour of my yard today every time I saw red geraniums I thought of you and said a little prayer. I only wish I could figure out a way to get you some of my starts across the pond. Have a good week.

The Lehners in France said...

Toastie, it's so wonderful to see a new post from you. I really hope your meds are sorted. Feeling deeply hurt by those close to you who have let you down must be very hard to deal with. It's hard when people don't come up trumps for you, when you know you would for them. I hope you can resolve the situation as it's obviously eating away at you. Thinking of you Toastie with lots of love and affection. France ((X))

Slip said...

Mel!
Good to see you up and posting. Don't fret about not making too much sense, it is highly over rated. Work hard on the rehab so once you are up and about you can kick some ass as it sounds like there are a few "Loved Ones" around you that need a good wake up call.
Remember even the Queen has to squat to pee.

LadyStyx said...

Im just going to drop some love in here as it looks like so many others have worded everything I'd like to say and much more eloquently than I ever could (as per the usual). The entry may have looked confusing but yet it conveyed things perfectly and on a basic level, Im sure many here understand the feeling behind the words more than the words themselves and that's what matters at this point. Jeanne's comment about a friend is absolutely right on. We're given problems to face so we're prepared to help others facing the same troubles later. I've had that one several times over now in the last few years. Seeing three different friends having to deal with a family member that got cancer prepared me for when my own gramma got it and showed me how to guide my daddy through the loss of his mother. Then there's my friend in Pennsylvania who's got an abusive sot on her hands. She's got it worse than I ever had it with mine, but at least she knows where to come for ideas how to get through certain stages of how to deal. Ya know....now that I think of it, that comment pretty much explains why the online community is so much more understanding of our problems than those in our respective families and even those under our own roofs. *HUGZ* Glad to see that brighter days are showing up on your doorstep.

laughingwolf said...

get back up that tree, mt... all the nuts have been gathered up, and ye need to shake down more ;)

do take good care, wherever ye end up....

Anonymous said...

Glad to see your vigor returning along with your healing process. Always know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE LOVED!

Mean Mom said...

Sorry about your troubles and that you have been in such a dark place. I'm glad that you are feeling well enough to blog again, at least. You have obviously touched a lot of people's hearts, over the time that you have been blogging and it's great that your blogging friends can be such a comfort to you, at the moment. Hope you feel better and better!

Incidentally, no-one looks good in orange.

Maggie May said...

I've been away, Mel, so have only just realized what you've been through. Hope the gremlins have been well & truly shaken off by now. Lots of ((( hugs.)))

buffalodickdy said...

A giving person sometimes doesn't get as good as they give... They usually shrug it off- but sometimes it does hurt enough to bother them. You've been through quite a bit of pain, and a cocktail of drugs for that pain that may have skewed a few thoughts for a bit.. You have had alot of people across the planet take time to write you about the fact that they do care about you, and wish you well. There is alot of strength to be gathered from that fact, and we all hope you use it to get well soon!
Your Friend,
The Buf

Bay Views said...

When the Sun goes down, and darkness prevails, remember always, that it will come back out the next day. The Sun will shine again for you, too.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Blessings and peace to you, my dear Ms. Toasty. You are loving and you are loved.

Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the infinite peace to you.

Idaho Escapee said...

I think Frank Sinatra once said "I'm for anything that gets you through the night, whether it be booze, pills or prayer". Marmee, I know two things about you: 1. You have entertained me to no end with your daffy postings in Huckleberries, and 2. You are very brave. Rather than delete the post I'm replying to, just leave it be. Then one day in the future, you'll be able to scroll back and see wot you writ, and realize just how much further you've come. "It is what it is", one can say about life-in-general...but we can help each other along the way. Take care, you humorous, brave and deeply emotional lady, you...

Coral said...

So glad you are feeling a bit more together. You were a bit strung out there for a moment (You druggie, you)!

Hope this is a good week for you.

(Busy busy this end - month end).

chat soon

Bina said...

Oh Mel. I have been worried about you and I don't even know you. I wish I could help you. I wish I could talk to you, or visit with you, and let you just pour your heart and soul to me and let you cry on my shoulder. I wish I kick those people in the ass who think they have the right to judge and think things aren't really that bad for you. What do they know? If they can't tell through you words that you are indeed having a bad time then screw them! Let them go somewhere and judge!

But yes, if you can't tell by the many comments you receive from your blog friends that you are cared about, that people who have never met you and live 1000's of miles away care about you and how you are feeling, than maybe I SHOULD come there and put my foot up your behind! LOL

Thinking of you!

Katrina said...

Thanks so much for posting...we were worried! Just know that you are loved, and that you make a big difference to a lot of people. I'm praying for you, Mel! *hugs!*

wood_song said...

Bayviews strikes a chord for me albiet slightly different than what he intended.

For me, when the sun goes does, I see a different world. It isn't one we are altogether familiar with as we are generally asleep for most of those hours. But those are the hours that the moon shines one day in fullness and another in naught but a sliver of pearly white. When the stars speak to each other in morse code, and when nocturnal creatures can be seen going about their nightly business.

It is also the quiet hours when sound means so much more for its scarcity.

And where colors that don't exist during the day abound - rich deep purples and velvet blues, silver touches and shadows with utmost clarity.

We fear the night until we get to know it; then we treasure it as surely as we do the day.

Fear not the night just because it is different. And don't be so quick to rush back to the day. Both have their merits and both should be fully enjoyed. If life takes you into a night-time place for awhile, then make the most of it, enjoying the differences it provides so that when you return to the day, you will more fully appreciate both.

Tori_z said...

I hope you're doing better today, and that you're no longer in that dark place you've been lately. *hugs*

Lehners in France said...

Toastie, just Chicken on ya!
France ((X)))

JBelle said...

Hello, There.

Glad things are looking up; about time you got a break!

MarmiteToasty said...

~((lisa))~ yeah its one of them boat flares and ya know they never work well and ya can all but drown :) - well I do have one of those wind up torches for emergencies, so it'll never be dark in here again...xxxxx

~((Jolie))~ The sun is shining through the rain clouds here today - oh my now I WANT beetroot on toast for me breakie.... :) xxxxx

~((Interplanet Chicken))~ LOL I had, I remember those squirrel outfits lmfao....... HAHHAHAHA at your poo story..... I will refrain from telling you how I got a poo sample in a tiny specimen pot LOL...xxxxx

~((ToriZ))~ fanks you...xxxxx

~((mei del))~ well, Ive set me campsite up in the middle of the woods, fank goodness the only dangerous things in these woods are badgers and ME lol...xxxxx

~((kati))~ its difficult when someone ya care about gets the wrong end of the stick and turns around ones sadness for their own gain.. but Ive learnt that its not my problem its theirs...xxxxx

~((Cis))~ yep friendships are powerful things and one has to learn that some give more to those friendships then others that mainly take...xxxxx

~((MrP))~ !!! ya really want me staples lmfao...... ok I will email ya for ya address and I will send ya half of them LOL... well funny...ya could be me cor blimey penpal like Stickman, JeanneH and Digger :)...xxxxx

~((Crispy))~ I was given what come be some very bad life changing news, that on top of a mixture of drugs and the loss of certain friends, and not being able to share the 'bad news'... I went into overload lol.... Ive learnt so very much from this past fortnight, and I will NEVER find meself in this place again..... so, alls good :)...xxxxx

~((mistress))~ I never ask for help or things or anything, but just this time my soul just couldnt cope with such grief...fanks for your kind words...xxxxx

~((phil))~ Ive ALWAYS been able to make light of any situation in life and believe me there have been some, but Ive gotten a bit soft this past year and let me protective head wobble to much, but its all live and learn... fanks you..... the moose postcards of pride of place on the front of me fridge...xxxxx

~((bob))~ Fank you matie so very much..... see, usually Im as strong as an old battleaxe so when someone turned out the light for a while I got angry with meself for letting it happen.... there is more to the reason of why I tiptoed down that path of insanity that I was unable to share with you, and now only a handful of people know, but, LOL silence speaks volumes LMFAO......xxxxxxx

~((Cedar))~ please dont feel honoured ya daft sod lol.... it is I that now feel honoured and humbled.... and sod those that dont really understand its their problem NOT mine...xxxxx

~((JeanneH))~ a card and beautiful bookmark came yesterday.... fanks you, and Ive written a long letter to you which I will try and post today.....xxxxx

OK I WILL REPLY TO THE OTHER COMMENTS LATER.... COS ITS 8.30 here now and I have a hospital appointment at 9...... slater maties...

x

Mom not Mum said...

I'll just leave a comment that I've been thinking about you and hope that you smile today. If that's all that you do just smile. Look at those fantastic boys you've raised and know that nothing else even matters.

Here's a limerick from my kids for the day:
There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamt he had eaten his shoe
He woke up in the night
And saw in a fright
That the dream he had dreamt had come true.

LOL There ya go - random but there.

Anonymous said...

(((( Melody ))))
believe it or not.... we are made stronger thru our weaknesses....
i love you, dear lady.....
i dont get online as much as i use to...so, am a little behind on reading your blog....
as always, will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

* peace *
* gazey *

MarmiteToasty said...

~((shannon))~ welcome to the nuthouse lol.... yep its just difficult for me to feel so vulnerable... cos usually Im 'well ard' lol.... not doctors butts but I will see what I can do in the physio butt stakes ....xxxxx

~((helen))~ well Ive stacked all the shit in the cupboard and the good bits on the shelves of me mind to be bought out at a later date to smile at.... :)... and so the world turns...xxxxx

~((ol lady))~ LMFAO@tramp, oh my that conversation so made me laff... ya daft cow.... and hey you, fanks you know I mean that deeply.... xxxxx

~((in-spired))~ what ya reallly mean is that ya got up in the night to have a wee and ya thought of me LOL...... :) - well untangle me from ya heart cos I aint worth it... fanks for your kind words.... and LMRSSO@talented.... gawds sake.....xxxxx

~((InlandEmpireGirl))~ Ive decided to try and drive meself on me own to the garden centre tomorrow.... it is my challenge for the day.... I want to just hobble around on me own, not having to talk to anyone if I dont want to.... and treat meself to some bits and bobs... dont know how Im gonna carry them etc and dont know how long I will be able to hobble...... but I aint spent a penny on ME this past 6-7 weeks in any shape or form, so Im about due for a treat.... and fanks you..... my kitchen windowsill is ablaze with me red geraniums.... love em.....xxxxx

~((((France))))~ oh my the story I have yet to tell about all those drugs is enough to turn ya pubes grey and curlie LOL....the crazieness was NOT all down to me, it just clouded my sense of 'things'.... France and sometimes when things cant be resolved cos others are not prepared to have compassion and things get turned and they become the victim, ya realise there aint a dam bloody thing ya can do about it, ya just hope they eventually come out and talk OR ya put it down to experience and more on, but ya never fully forget them at special times, but Ive never really let things eat away at me once Ive 'come to me senses'...

One 'friend' here in real life has had to be laid to rest for ever, as sad as that makes me, Im no longer prepared to carry someone that 'just dont get it'....I can be such a hard hearted bitch when I need to be lol....xxxxx

~((slip))~ actually our Queen has an Auntie Morris fitted LMFAO.... stuff is all sussed and sorted as far as Im concerned, Im no longer gonna fret and worry over other people that dont have a clue about me but presume they do...xxxxx

~((ladystyx))~ well thats why maybe I have this bumwart so that I can help others in the same situation :)... and the sun is shining today and even though in agony Im smiling....xxxxx

~((Wolfie))~ no more tree climbing for me so no nut shaking, well not those sorta nuts ;).... Im gonna be hunting for truffles this next coming months and staying firmly on the ground where i belong lol.....xxxxxx

~((annoymoose))~ yeah well, its been a couple of weeks so time to get a bloody grip :)...and fanks.... xxxxx

~((mean mum))~ dam about the orange cos me and me maties in this village swear that one day we will all end up in a prison cell together LOL... Ive felt very humble this past week, its been overwhelming at times...xxxxx

~((maggie may))~ well sometimes ya just have to realize what will be will be and sometimes no matter how hard ya try or want something, it just aint gonna happen.... its something Ive stood by all me life, and this past year Ive gotten to dam soft in the soul department.... and it floored me and then I was cross with meself for letting 'things and life' get to me....xxxxx

~((buffalo))~ I try to give of meself to whomever needs giving to, Im only me, only now I will actually step back and think who I give to with me soul, so that I dont get used and my dear sweet soul abused (LOL hark at me)...and guess what... me sense of taste is coming back after a week of no drugs except the strong painkillers.... so what ya gonna cook me lol....(((buff)))...xxxxx

~((Bay View))~ oh my honoured by your presence... yeah I know, I truely know.... this is a very very first for me, and hopefully the very last.... I let go of me control for a second and look where it got me..... :)..xxxxx

~((Saintly))~ you dear dear sweet man.... you are often a light at the end of a tunnel..... xxxxxx

~((idaho Escapee))~ well seeing as how I dont really drink that was no good - the hospital mixed up me drugs and was partly resonsible for sending me loopy so thats no good - so that just leaves wild crazy butt naked sex LMFAO...... now, maybe its this year for me to go out and get me some... just to help me through the night you understand LOL....

*Take care, you humorous, brave and deeply emotional lady, you...*

ok stop that or you will have me in tears...xxxxxx

~((coral))~ you and hunting down me phone number all the way from south africa put me on me knees with humbleness... fank you dear sweet lady.....xxxxx

~((bina))~ its ok really :) ... just cos some dont understand it dont make them bad people?person cos they aint they are lovely people just difference from me..... shit.. Im not exactly normal now am I lol and thats before I went crazy..... :)...

And dont kick me cos I might not have a leg to stand on lol and its not a fair fight then lol....xxxxx

~((katrina))~ now stop with ya worrying, aint never had anyone give a dam about me before and I dont want it to go to me head lol.... fanks you...:)...xxxxx

~((wood-song))~ fanks you, you know what for....... and when the sun goes down on me I usually get bitten by 170 dam mossies LOL....

I love the night and Ive spent so many 'middle of the nights' sat in me little back garden trying to get me head around the rubbish in life.... never be affraid of the dark, its not ya enemy its there to make ya realise stuff in life....its ones thinking time...xxxxx

~((tori-Z))~ Im ok, really.... just a hiccup.... please dont think bad of me for it....xxxxx

~((France))~ LMFAO@chickens on ya...... I will have to tell ya about our new addition in the chicken department :)....xxxxx

~((((JBelle)))~ hello there.... I just have to accept that I dont get breaks..... they are not for the likes of me..... and that to is ok....... this past year made me soft and that makes one vulnerable....... jebus Ive learnt so very very much of late...... never will I go down this path again.... life everything else in my past.... it was what it was at the time.......xxxxxxxxx

~((MnM))~ LOL@the limeric..... I did smile at the hospital today and me and Nick (me physo - who I also had a few years ago for 2 years and knows me so very very well) laffed and laffed until the tears rolled down our face which started some of the other boring farts laffing LOL....xxxxx

~(((Patti))))~ my forever friend.... whom I love with my very soul..... always........xxxxxxxxxx

cast in the name of god, ye not guilty said...

(((HUGS!)))

Someone call the Fire Department! Mel's up a tree!

Oh, whatsat? You've got out of the tree, but ya still in the woods.

Well did you at least get a cute fireman to whisk you down from ya tree house? Well did ya???

Lots of love, and thinking of you!

Melody Ann Jr.

LadyStyx said...

*HUGZ* so glad the sun's out and you're smiling. *leaves some virtual flowers for ya*


@>-----

Robin said...

You got a new chicken!?!

Anonymous said...

I posted something to you on the blog also, under the dog test thread. I hope things are much better these days and it's amazing to read all of the comments streaming your way. You sound so much better and I will send you a get well card soon in the hopes it might actually work. Take good care of yourself and try to smile more and more each day. The Stickman

Within Without said...

Just spread some marm on some toast, and all will be well. That and your inner spirit, Mel.

Smiles and hugs.

Tori_z said...

Glad you're feeling a bit better.

Why would I think bad of you for it? You've got every right to feel down from time to time. It doesn't make you any less of a person. Nor does it make me think less of you. If anything, I was impressed that you had the courage to admit how you felt on your blog.

Anonymous said...

((((((((((((( Melody )))))))))))

I was going to email you the following ....but then He nudged me this direction...to your 'blob'... perhaps, someone else 'out there' might want to read it, as well.

I keep you in my constant prayers, my forever-friend...

love you,
* gazey *

Dear God,

You are the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. It is safe to place my heart in Your hands. In a restless and troubled world, You are a realm of peace and comfort. In a sea of doubts, You are the certainty. In an ocean of darkness, You are the light. Guide us through the night. Your mercy is endless. Your grace is eternal. Your love has no boundaries. Without You, we would be lost and alone. With You, we are saved and loved, we have a purpose and a meaning. Teach us to love and to forgive, the way You love and forgive us. Teach us to find our joy in You. Teach us to find our strength in Your name. Make us a candle for others' steps, so that they can see where they are going and do not stumble on the way.

Make us a light for the blind, a song for the deaf, a hope for the lost and the lonely. Make our lives and our beings part of Your divine plan. Give us the strength to see beyond this “here” and “now”. Open our eyes, so that we can see Your love in everything. Open our ears, so that we can hear Your voice in everything. Teach us to be strong in times of weakness. To carry forward the message of faith, hope and love.

When our heart is breaking, touch it with Your healing touch and make it whole again. You can turn wrong into right and darkness into light. You can make us strong by the very things that make us weak. Change our hearts. Let us be messengers of Your love here on Earth. Where there is bitterness, pour Your sweet love, where there is illness and death, pour your living water. Where there is despair, pour Your hope.

Give us the passion and the courage of the first Christians. Give us the power You gave to your apostles. Teach us to say the right word at the right time, to choose the right thing every time we have to make a choice. There are so many times when we feel like prisoners in our own bodies, in a world that defies our understanding. Teach us that there is more than eyes can see, that the truth is comforting and redeeming. Set us free by Your truth. Let our heart see your glory, so that we can never feel like prisoners again.

For You have the power to build up hearts and minds, to restore and to heal. Glorified be your name forever and ever.

in His precious name we pray
amen

Coral said...

You are sounding so much better! Good for you!

How's your weather there?

Tell all about the new chicken!

Pamela said...

You'd probably be shocked at how many of us have felt the same way -- at one time or another.

Don't wait to post until you get it sorted out. No one would ever post if he/she waited for that.......

MarmiteToasty said...

~((not guilty))~ oh my I should tell you about the time in the woods in the NewForest that time and the fireman...nah not one fireman but a bunch of them lol....xxxxx

~((ladystyx))~ fanks for the flower :).... the sun is also out today so alls good... worked through a few things in me head, realised one cant and shouldnt chance others thoughts its their issues not mine....xxxxx

~((robin))~ I will just say 'Cedric' for now ;)...xxxxx

~((Stickman))~ I couldnt post the letter off to you yesterday but it will go today.... and hey, fanks you just for being you...xxxxx

~(((shake it all about)))~ sitting here now with me marmite on nice thick granary bread and smiling... marmite and tea is the smoother of souls lol.... Im ok, I really am ok...cross with meself and upset by another, but Im really ok...xxxxx

~(((toriZ)))~ fanks you.... Im keeping the Breacon Beacons in me focus for next year.... xxxxx

~(((Patti)))~ isnt Alpha and Omega that new breakie cereal? :).... fanks you for the lovely thoughts...xxxxx

~((coral))~ the weather here today is sunny and showers.... Im gagging to get out in me garden only its difficult to stand on one leg with me hoe lol....... maybe I should imploy and out of work 'ho' and let them do me garden lol.....xxxxx

~((pamela))~ I truely was at the end of me tether compounded by harsh words....and I didnt know where to turn.... but fank gawds there was a huge knot on the end of that tether which stopped me slipping off the end :)....xxxxx

ChrisB said...

Just wanted to say there is something for you over at my place!

Dumdad said...

Atta girl! You've shown your strength by revealing your weaknesses. You've still got a steep climb to go on your mountain but I'm betting you'll get to the summit and wave your knickers in the air to all and sundry shouting out: "I ain't done yet!" The best is yet to come....

goatman said...

You do deserve your friends.
The "keyboard therapy" that you do so well probably helps more than you know, to keep you grounded.
Similar to the "talk therapy" used by the head shrinkers, but your method is cheaper and more interesting since we all get to weigh in with our little comments.
Thoughts are with you--keep on keepin on.

Tori_z said...

Glad you're doing better. *hugs*

You're welcome. :)

Yep... I've told my Mam I'll be needing someone to come with me up on the mountains to meet with you next year, and she's all for coming. :)

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Crispy))~ Fanks you, I popped over and will again sometime today and have a proper butchers....xxxxx

~((dumdad))~ LMFAO knowing my luck I will get to the top of the mountain and realise I forgot to put me knickers on lol...... and ya know what, I aint actually got that much of a steep climb.... cos the summit is just there about an arms reach away :)........ xxxxxx

~(((goatman)))~ Ive not been able to sit comfortably at the computer for weeks and that to has been frustating, there is only so much daytime TV one can bare before it drives ya insane lol...... stiff upper lip and all that twaddle ;)...xxxxx

~((ToriZ))~ Im thinking I will be moving to Cornwall within the next year, but Im still on for the Breacon Beacons, thats if I can walk etc....... look forward to it and meeting ya mam....xxxxx

Tori_z said...

Cornwell's nice. It's where my Dad's originally from. Hey, if you move there before we meet up, you wouldn't bring up some "proper" Cornish pasties would you? *Grins*

Anyway... How's your leg doing? They having any luck getting the swelling down yet?

jolie-jordan said...

You sound so much more like your old healthy self. Makes my heart sing to know you are getting well and that you have a wealth of these many friends to help see you through these rough times. Soon you will be up and back to monkey business.
xxx hugs from me