Tuesday, 24 June 2008

New Boyfriend Named Ed.... I Think Its Love....

Ok....... with the job I have, I have to have a fully up to date Pediatric First Aid Certificate... which is valid for 3 years, so that means every 3 years I, along with me maties HAVE to attend further updated training.... and so back in February the call came through that it was this year to update.........

The last course we went on was intense and draining but oh my, did we have some laffs during the weeks....... we have to attend a course that was set up by Ofsted, it was for 3 hours every Tuesday evening for 12 weeks..... thats a long evening after having other peoples nippers for almost 10 hours a day......

But I was booked in with me best maties Ann and Sharon, so I KNEW it would be also much fun.......and besides, we have no choice about whether to do it or not lol

We each took it in turns to drive, it was at some centre about 8 miles away, in this really new looking building BUT in the middle of a really rough council estate.... and I aint no snob by any stretch of the imagination...... cos the council estate was the same one I grew up in until I was 14..LOL and me other two maties both being Londoners aint particulary posh themselves lol....... but, now that we have moved out of that circle of jacked up cars in front gardens and snotty nosed kids..... we do tend to joke and laff about the place LOL....

So of course, the first night we was a few minutes late....but we were not the last to arrive..... the person that was giving the training 3 years ago was right proper fun, as were the other 9 people attending..... but ya just DONT know what to expect or who the trainer is going to be or what the people from different jobs were all going to be like...... and us 3 being together are a force to be reckoned with lol....

So...... we eventually find the right building, and waltz late into the classroom, it was only like 3 minutes late, where it goes dead quiet and this real strange looking woman who was the teacher just glared at us..... so to break the ice and the tension...... I says........ oh my, Im so sorry we are late but our car was stoned on that approach road by the bloody thugs that live around here and we had to chase them and when we got back to the car, some theiving little sods had jacked up our car and nicked the wheels off it....... so we had to walk the rest of the way......this is a wellabit rough area.. I says lol.......

This woman, who I presumed to be in her 60s had a dead pan face and just said...I live just across the road...... if you would just take your seats....talk about NO sense of humour.... there actually didnt seem to be much evidence of life in her soul either...... the desks and chairs had been arranged all facing a white board, real formal, so I KNEW we was in for a sticky 12 week ride lol..... we was then arguing who was gonna sit nearest the front lmfao...... and all the time we was laffing, the rest of the boring people were dead quiet and just giving us the evil eye lol....... they made ME have the front seat lol.....

Its so hard to explain on here just what this woman was like........ she was right up her own arse of importance...... and after introductions like at an AA meeting.... she proceeded to tell us what each week would involve... and what topics we would be covering....... well some of these people in the room I most certainly WOULD NOT let loose on a sick or dying person.... talk about thick lol..... talk about dumb, I knew there was no way that some of these weirdos would get to the end of the long course, let alone pass an exam...

The woman talked in the most strangest accent, a mix of Hampshire Farmer Hog, like mine, and a sort of high pitched spazmo accent, which everytime she spoke made me laff inside so much that my whole body would shake and I would turn and look at me maties and found them doing the same.... everytime we looked at each other we got those uncontrolable giggles that we had to try and stifle lol..... and she was one of these people that had DONE everything and had attended EVERYTHING and had saved EVERYONE and had been responsible for countless life saving experiences....... as the weeks progressed we realised that much of it was just bullshit and she was one of those people that just THOUGHT she was important...... cos some of the stories she told about different things were so full of mistakes and contradiction, we just knew most of it was thats she was just one of those people that NEEDED to feel important...... OH WELL, this was gonna be soooooooo much fun lol.......

As, I said, some of these people on this course were not very bright, and just didnt grasp the basic medical knowledge, so it was hard not to say something, but bite our tongues we did..... well for the first few weeks we were model students lmfao.....

It also turned out that the teacher woman, ya know, the up her own bottom one, was no where near in her 60s but she said she was only 48....... 48 my arse lol..... there is NO WAY she was 2 years younger then me.... I would bet me house on it and sell my sons if she was telling the truth....



This is the woman, I dare not put a full faced photo of her up JUST INCASE lol but the funniest thing of all was that her name was Mabel hahahahaha and of course me chicken is called Mabel....oh my the jokes in code that me maties threw around each week was just so funny...... ya had to be there...

She also just kept on and on about different situations she had found herself in..... some were very strange and when questioned a little more indepth, she faultered and quivered with her replies so we know she was making much stuff up to sound like she was more important then she really was........ lol bless her little cotton socks lmfao



This is me matie Anne.... and this is how we spent much of the 3 hours each Tuesday night for 12 weeks...... laffing laffing laffing lol she was laffing at some comment I had just made lol

Also after each topic we covered she would ask if anyone had dealt with someone in a similar situation...... and when someone started to say about themselves she only let them talk for a couple of minutes and then she would interupt and make HER story about her situation even more unbelievable...... by week 4 it was becoming a joke lol........ and when she would ask if anyone had a tale to teill, I muttered, what I thought was under me breathe to me maties....'yeah like she gives a toss' lol she asked me to explain what I was muttering ..... she said all I heard was 'toss' and if I could explain to the group what situation I had found myself in........ well, by then, a few of the group had become quite friendly with us and seemed to be on the same level as us and the same thinking about this weird woman lol....... she made me STAND UP lmfao...... and explain what I had been muttering about lmfao.....

My brain was ticking over cos to be honest I really DIDNT wanna upset this woman, who after all was there to teach us lol....... my brain was whirling and my mind was saying think think Mel think, try and get out of this one LOL....... all the time me maties was laffing behind me lmfao....... so I told her that once my son had 'tossed' a pancake and it had landed on his face and had stuck......... IT WAS A JOKE...... but she picked up the story and went on to tell a much more unbelievable tale that involved her........ well, all I had to do was look across the room at this one bloke called Paul and he just let rip with the loudest belly laff EVER, which started everyone else off and I thought we would be dealing with a heart attack from the teacher woman where she had lost the plot LMFAO.....



This is me best matie Sharon after I had done quite a good job of bandaging her head LMFAO...note the lovely fashion statement with the kung foo look lol... first of I had bandaged her whole head like a mummy from a tomb lmfao.... we got told off LOL



I think my head bandaging was way better then the job someone had done on Ann lol

The evenings were long and boring, or maybe it was because I/we had retained all our old courses and there was not much new to learn.... or maybe it was being in the company of 'not so bright' people.... but laff we most certainly did.... especially when we had the baby dummys to work on....... ya had to shove this thing in its mouth and suss out what to do if it was choking.... well the woman shoved the plastic blockage in this baby dummies throat so hard that it was impossible to get out by the usual methods....... and I lost marks by picking the dummy up by itd leg and swinging it around me head and letting slip so that it hit the wall... she just would NOT have it that the blockage was actually dislodged, oh no, she wasnt interested in that lol....... and Sharon blew in the dummy so hard that she actually blew up the lungs and burst them lmfao...... to funny.....

We also realised that we could get away a little earlier each night IF NO ONE retold tales of incidents they had come across in emergency settings....... so we all made a pact to NOT mention things when she asked us if we had been in difficult situations with people breaking things and such....... EXCEPT........ and, oh my, my maties laffed and laffed and kicked me under the table and gave me those 'kill you if you open your mouth' looks lol.....

Ya see, when we got onto the subject of someone having a fit or a strange turn or an epileptic fit and she asked if anyone had come across this before..... I got such a kick under the table from Ann that I swear I had a bruise.... and she firmly said DONT YOU DARE lol........ ya see, I have this story that happened a few years back when me lads were members of the Navy Cadets and we was as a show with the fieldgun crew in Salisbury...... me maties know the story but they didnt want me to tell it cos we had made this pact about getting home early lol........ but I just couldnt help it....... I wanted to show that I knew what to do in that situation....... so I spoke up to explain what had happened a few years back.....

I told the class that one summer I was at Salsibury with me lads, 3 of which were memebers of the naval cadets and we were there for a fieldgun crew show, Jacob was not very old and I had taken a picnic.... and it was all spread out on a blanket, ya know a well proper picnic, right at the front of the showground so that we could watch the rest of the show whilst having lunch...... there was this man and lady standing next to us, when all of a sudden the bloke sort of fell right into the middle of me picnic knocking things everywhere.... the poor bloke was having some sort of seizure.... oh lordy, why on my picnic blanket lol....... well I do know that one has to make the area safe for the person but to just let them have their seizure, no sticking ones fingers down their throat etc..... so there's this bloke thrashing around ON MY PICNIC BLANKET.... sarnies and cakes and juices EVERYWHERE.... the wifey woman said to me...... we just have to leave him to get on with it, it will be ok......... OK, I said, he is squashing me corned beef sarnies so if you could move him slightly off me picnic we could continue with our lunch..... it was a joke ya know lol....... but when the bloke has stopped his turn, he just got up, brushed himself off and didnt even say fanks for the soft landing.... and as he walked away he had me corned beef sarnies all squashed into the back of his jumper LOL...... we had to go and buy burgers from the BBQ man lmfao........

On the last evening SHE, the woman teacher, bought in all the adult dummys.... well they was just technically a head and body, a person with no arms or legs.... they just lay there. staring, silently begging to be saved LOL........

I was given Ed.... I called him Ed cos thats basically is just what he was.... an Ed (with my hampshire accent we drop the H sound at the beginning of most words so HEAD becomes Ed LOL).... I think it was love at first site with me and Ed, he seemed to understand me, he seemed shy in my presence, cos he sure didnt say much lol



This is Ed, he was quite a kisser LOL and spent a lot of time practising my kissing techniques LOL.... oops sorry, I mean practising mouth to mouth incase I needed to give the kiss of life to someone oneday.....

I think its love.... me and Ed made a great couple, he was easy on the eye LOL and had such kissy lips.... ok so he didnt have arms and legs and he often had breathing difficulties, but he would be dead cheap at christmas, cos all one could buy him would be a hat or a scarf or the odd earing LOL...... yep..... it was love at first blow with me and Ed LOL......



This is Ann and Sharon snogging and heart pumping Eds mates lmfao........

And yes all three of us passed the course with flying colours..... there was only 5 out of 12 of us that passed.... and a few people did fank us for making the past 12 weeks such a fun more enjoyable evening and had me and me maties ever throught about doing a stage show lmfao.......

So I have a certificate to prove that Im fully qualified for the next 3 years....... just jebus help anyone that needs my assistance in a time of emergency LOL....... well, unless they fall on me corned beef sarnies, cos that Im ok with :)

I think ya just had to be on these evenings to appreciate just how much we laffed and laffed and laffed.....

*************

Knee update - had a bad night last night... I tried to do way to much yesterday trying to prove something and nearly came a cropper lol....... but sometimes enough is enough and ya just have to push it a little lol

Way to much Twaddling rubbish for a sunny Tuesday afternoon......

x

65 comments:

Totty Teabag said...

Great description of the female equivalent of Foggy Dewhurst...and go easy on the leg...

Charles Gramlich said...

Ed seems like a quiet kind of guy. Plenty of lip but no mouthing off. I bet he didn't argue about the drapes or where you wanted to go to dinner. (lol)

Mei Del said...

i beg to differ. your post was just what's needed on a sunny tuesday afternoon. i laughed so much my neighbour poked his head over the garden fence to see what the hilarity was about. and i had a friend round who i was explaining your blob to and she already thinks i'm psycho for reading strangers' diaries but thinks you're definitely off your rocker.

B.R.M said...

What a great read! Keep on keeping on!

TN Becky

Lehners in France said...

Toastie, I think Ed's rather horny! I would be tempted to plant a hanging fushia in his gob though! France (((X)))

susan said...

Ed looks like he could have been the motivation for "The Scream", the famous painting.

Katrina said...

Sounds like your teacher got just what she needed most...a big dose of Mel! I wish you had been in my CPR class a couple of years ago. That was kind of a drag. (And our dummies weren't nearly as cute as Ed!)

Bina said...

I LOVE this! Lord Mel, I swear. You have the funniest stories ever, and I would have LOVED to be in that class with you. The dummies we practice on at least have arms and a torso, and look like real faces. That guy looks like a blow up doll just waiting....! LOL

Hey, if Ed wants a Harley bandana for Christmas, just let me know! LOL

Tori_z said...

Sounds like a fun course. LOL!

I wish all men were as low maintanence as your "Ed"... LOL!

Try not to do too much too quickly and put yourself back in hospital. I'jm glad you're up and doing stuff now, but don't over-do it. You've gotta be patient. *hugs*

Tori_z said...

OK, that j shouldn't be there in between the ' and the m... But, it snuck in there somehow. Guess it felt left out? LOL!

Akelamalu said...

If all courses could be as much fun as you had on that one sign me up! I have to say Ed looks like an alien, I wouldn't want to kiss him!

You're right about pushing the leg honey, you just have to do it and suffer the consequences if you're going to get anywhere with it. Hope it doesn't hurt too much. xx

Lisa said...

Glad to hear you're gettin' a bit, even if your guy doesn't have all his manly bits! Maybe the folks at physio could add a workout with Ed to your regime! You are out of practice, you know! Just start at the top and when you are ready, you can work your way down!

LadyStyx said...

Good heavens! From the angle that pic was shot at...your teacher bears a resemblance to Jerry Springer !!

Coral said...

Ed looks like he would be good at um, not much frankly, there is only one thing he would be good for - and I daren't say so here! Think oral exams!

You are sounding so much better. Please do not strain your knee, you will regret it later.

hugs 'n all

soul pumpkin said...

Hey Toastie...been away fer a bit and i'm tickled to see you out and about...please pace yourself...
...moderation in all things except love...and maybe chocolate...and beer...
...and i concur with akelamalu, Ed looks just like the aliens that abducted me when i was twelve...
...needless to say, Ed creeps me out...

buffalodickdy said...

As an adult, it is difficult to go back and take classes like you're not an adult! You've seen a good bit of life, and gained experiences, where alot of times the teacher has to(or prefers!)play it "straight"- with no nonsense...

Mom not Mum said...

LOL Glad you passed your class - I'm still trying to figure out how so many didn't. Ed's one hottie.

laughingwolf said...

lol ...i took cpr to instructor level, so know of the fun you had, mt... keep it going! :)

seems they revamped it, here, over the past year or two, and now use a plastic mouthpiece [to prevent aids, etc] plus other new stuff

will learn more next class

Jen said...

I had to take these classes, too, when I owned a daycare center. It would have been way more exciting with you there!

Frum Helen Back said...

I loved the story Mel. Thanks so much for giving me so much laughter. I'm glad you're feeling better too.

Bay Views said...

I don't think I have ever heard of such a boring experience made so interesting. It would seem that some just can't find humor in life and some find it everywhere.

Maggie May said...

I also have to do this course every three years!
I was wondering how you would get down on your knees to kiss ED!
Hope you didn't do a mischief! Your mates look lovely!

Idaho Escapee said...

Uhhh, Marmite...good luck to you and 'Ed...may you have a prosperous relationship. Ed kinda reminds me, though, of the blank faces on those inflatable mannikins which are used for all kinds of scroungy adult purposes. A pic of your instructor giving ol' 'Ed mouth-to-mouth would cause me to lose my pancakes!

Merle said...

Hi Marmite Toasty ~~ Nice to meet you
Thank you so much for your comments
I wear an apron occasionally, but not often, but remember my mother and grandma and aunts also always wore them. I can understand why you wear one and why the nippers in your car do also. Take care, Love, Merle.

Slip said...

Mel,Mel, Mel!

I've taken several courses in first aid. At the prison we had to take CPR every year! Have used it four times, twice as a volunteer fireman, once in the prison, and once when I was the first on the scene of a bad car wreck. My record zero for four. All are dead, either you can be a pessimist and pray I don't show up in your hour of need, or you can figure I am due to win one!

I love the book by the way! Got it yesterday. Haven't got to look at it much. I am busier then a one armed paper hanger and the wife got her nose in it first .
The old girl is looking for something to send you after reading your blob. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

Word Tosser said...

I had to take that class every two years... I hated the acting bit.. They would have us bend over and say.."hey, are you ok?".. 3 times.. then look up and say, "Help, call 911" two times. Do you know what it is like to do that with 20 giggling nurses aides?? well, yea.. with your 3 maties.. it is the same..
You know why you 3 passed? Because that teacher didn't want you 3 back. And the other two knew what they were doing.....lol .lol...

Word Tosser said...

Oh, I guess I better clarify that we were bent over the dumby...

MarmiteToasty said...

ok - SORRY I AINT BEEN AROUND TO REPLY TO COMMENTS... A DIFFICULT FEW DAYS - AND HAVE JUST AN HOUR AGO GOT BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL....been with me physios, but they are a little concerned about a few things so they have bought me CONSULTANT (top bloke) appointment to 8 July instead of at the end of July... to say Im a little bit affeared is an understatement.. things last weeks seemed to be going good, and things this week have knocked me foundations.... so a worrywart I now be......

Anyways, enuff of that bollocks...

~(((teabag)))~ I will have to google Foggy LOL.... I buggered if I push meself and Im bugger if I dont lol.....xxxxx

~(((charles)))~ yeah, I think I might have to dump Ed, and so new into our relationship lol.... I at least want someone to actually SAY SOMEfing LOL... and he keeps falling off the chair when I take him out to dinner LOL....xxxxx

~(((mei Del)))~ :) you must have wellabit nosey neighbours lol.... xxxxx

~((((brm))))~ hey you....... I will get over and catch up I PROMISE...xxxxx

~(((France))))~ well I dont know how he can get 'horny' cos he aint got no willy lmfao.... and I think a nice fushia or a nice petunia might be better then me tongue lmfao....xxxxxxx

~(((susan)))~ thats it, Im most certainly gonna dump him now lol....if me maties find him creepy then thats enuff for me...xxxxxxx

~((((bina)))~ at least the dummies 3 years ago have stumps for arms and legs.... I think this new lot must be the result of cutbacks LOL... LOL@bandana, jebus, why didnt I think of that as a gift lol I think I might of dumped him by crimbo though, he is getting a bit of a heavy weight to carry around lol..... xxxxx

~((((ToriZ)))~ it wasnt going to be a fun course, we knew that the second we walked into the room LOL.... but with me maties, ya cant help but just laff at the most simple things lol...... if we had not of laffed out way through it, I dont know if we could of stayed the course lol....ps - do you know the beautiful flowers you send ARE STILL blooming...xxxxxxx

~(((((ake))))~ believe me when ya aint kissed anyone for as long as I aint, ya just take what ya can get lol and with a bit of encouragement Edd might puker up and get stuck in LOL - Ive pushed this past week and it looks like things have come a cropper.... :( - my trouble is I have such a high pain threshold so when something really truelly is to much for me, it usually means Ive gone way to far over the limit....sigh...xxxxxxxx

~(((lisa))))~ Maybe I will take him down the hospital with me and they can operate and give him a much needed 'strapadicktome' LOL .....xxxxxx

~((((ladystyx))))~ OMGoodness, now you say it, it truely does look like Jerry LMFAO..... this woman was just the strangest ever EVER EVER lol she also didnt laff not once in the whole 12 weeks even though some parts of the evening everyone was in fits of laughter LOL...she just sat on her chair blank staring until we had finished and then she would say 'when you have quite finished I'll continue' LMFAO...xxxxxx

~(((coral)))~ it would be ok if he had soft lips LOL.... xxxxxx

~(((((soul pumpkin))))~ hey you...can I at least have 'love chocolate and beer' all at the same time lol....xxxxxxx

~(((buffalo)))~ she played it soooo straight that I had to check for a heart beat LOL.....xxxxx

#(((mNm))))~ if you could of seen and spent time with some of the others on this course you will see WHY they didnt pass LOL....Im surprised some of them are even let loose out in public LOL....xxxxx

~(((((Wolfie))))~ I just hope me skills will never be put to the test :).. and good for you on instructor level :) wanna practise mouth to mouth LMFAO ;)

Oh we have those little mouth shields... to use on dirty old tramps (hobos) lol - do you know you would have to swallow a whole bucket of mouth juices from someone to actually catch aids :).... and I so really dont see that happening lol..... *gagging now*...xxxxxxx

~((((jen)))))~ I to use to own a pre-school.... so have been doing this course for like 18 years lol...... not much changes in it except the people that teach it... :)...xxxxx

~((((helen))))~ feeling so much better in me head, a little bit worried after the hospital today... but will have to wait til the 8th to see what the worry is cos for the first time me physio clamped up on me and wouldnt say whats what..... but I will push them a bit on monday when I go back.....xxxxx

~(((bay views)))~I will admit that I can usually find humour and laughter and the funny side of like in most things, even at funerals (but thats another story for maybe another day).... and some people lack that magical humour bone :)....xxxxx

~(((maggie)))~ there is just the funniest picture of me on one knee with me dodgy one completely straight and stuck out the side lol (remember this course was before the op, but I still have a dodgy knee) - she did suggest that I leave Ed on the table and sort him out from there, BUT I insisted in doing it proper..... my maties laffed and laffed at the angle I got meself in lol.....xxxxx

~(((Idaho Escapee)))~ and HOW would you know what a manikin used for adult scrounchy purposes was like LMFAO...... hahahahaha..... I at least need a bloke in me like that will stand up to my madness and hold me hand, neither of which Ed did, I think its time to dump his sorry arse, except he dont have an arse LOL.....xxxxx

~(((merle)))~ welcome to you...... well, Im just an old fashion woman at heart :).... give me an apron and a kitchen and a good man to bake for and Im in heaven lol :)...xxxxx

~((((slip slip slip)))~ ok, let me explain something which you probably already know...... if you have to do CPR on someone, it already means THEY ARE DEAD... and by you doing CPR you give the only a 20% chance of survival.... a 20% chance that they didnt have, cos they WAS DEAD before you snog them....Sharons Mark who is a Fireman keeps telling us that... so if you can not bring them back, as least you gave them a chance.... no failures..... never failures if ya cant get them back :)......

Im so glad it arrived...... just stick it next to the loo and read a little as and when, it will probably bore ya to death and someone will have to do CPR on ya lmfao......also tickled pink ya wifey reads me blob :)....xxxxx

~(((tosser)))~ oh the HELP HELP was just the funniest, I shouted mine like on the old films when someone was tied to the railway line..... we laffed so much and it became infectious and it really made the others relax loads LOL....

LOL@she didnt want us back :) they should be paying for me Ann and sharon to attend these things LOL.... oh technically they was cos the course was 120 quid ($240) for all the others LMFAO but us 3 got it for FREE :) see sometimes its not what ya know but WHO ya know :)......xxxxxxxxx

LOL@clarify lmfao HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....x

Anonymous said...

Your so much fun.. I wish every had your energy!!!!! I still can't understand you saying I take the piss out of ya,, who wants piss? It is ok we tease ya .. we did that to all the kindergartner girls we like back then too!!!! Keep smiling,,,,

see ya Fat Midget

MarmiteToasty said...

~~((((B??)))~ Fat Midget, is that REALLY YOU..... commenting on me blob :).... I just cant believe its actually YOU..... oh so the teasing means ya like me LOL oh I get it now...... :).... Im well mega chufted that you have actually left a comment...... Fat Midget me arse.... love love love you......OXO

Pamela said...

I would like to know what Ed's intentions are...
(:

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((pamela)))~ I fink he is just using me.... I mean, who else does he fink will carrying him around all day and who else does he think will fall for his smooth talking words of love LMAO........ WELL NOT ME, I aint that gullible no more LOL........ Im gonna lob him in the first skip that I see and he can go to the dump to be crushed..... just like me heart LMFAO........xxxxx

little wanderer said...

here's to you and Ed!

Tori_z said...

Sorry to hear you're having such a rotten week (medical wise anyway) and that you ended up back in hospital... Good luck with your next appointment! *hugs*

Well, at least you and your mates were able to make it fun. :)

That's great about the flowers. :)

Lehners in France said...

I just want you to know that both me and Bob are really rooting for you Toastie. Love France (((X)))

Within Without said...

This, literally, had me ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, Marmie. Couldn't you just start your own comedy show?

That Ed's a handsome lad, all right, but I thought we might see some of your lipstick rubbed off on his face.

Are you two still an item, then?

And this: ..."Hampshire Farmer Hog, like mine, and a sort of high pitched spazmo accent."

I can only imagine your accent and hers. Wish I could have been a fly on the wall at that course.

Go easy on that knee. :-) Couldn't Ed possibly help you there?

JBelle said...

Mel. You gotta take it where you can get it; and hey, no judgments here. hahahahaha

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((little wanderer)))~ this could of been the start of a great romance, except he just couldnt keep his mouth shut LOL......xxxxx

~((((ToriZ))))~ its not that I ended up back in hospital, I have to go there twice a week for a check and at least 1 1/2 hours of physio.... next week I have 3 appointments and now the following week they have bought forward me consultants appointment.... I should just get a bed in the store room there and be done with it lol....xxxxxxx

~((((France))))~ I know you off all people understand a little cos of ya brother.... this is such a testing time, just hope Im strong enough....xxxxxxx

~((((within without shake it all about))))~ Ive had to laff at life and all it has thrown at me since like forever lol.... well except those couple of weeks last month when I couldnt laff at anything.... Im allowed one slip in life right?..... no matter what I do or where I go something during that day or time just has me creased up... I cant help that I find humour and try and let others see it in all I do LOL...... can you imagine a comedy show of me blob stories..... LMFAO....

Me ampshire farmer og accent is what I sound loike SHE ad the eye pitch squeek LOL not me :)

Ed cant help he aint got a leg to stand on, and Ive decided I need a blokes strong arms around me to protect me and Ed is really struggling in that department lol.. :) - so Im affraid there is to be NO wedding plans for me and Ed, so put the suit back in the cupboard and get ya shorts on lol......xxxxxxxxx

~(((((((((JBelle)))))))~ well, theres taking what ya can get and when but I aint that desperate LOL..... Ed was a bit boring to me and he couldnt even hold me hand, just that gaping open mouth and that blank expression..... I at least want a bloke in me life with some balls LMFAO.......hope your having a super time on ya holiday in France....xxxxxxxxxx

Cedar Street Kid said...

Ed reminds me more of my ex-wife. i
but he is probably more passionate than she was. be sure and let us know when you two get hitched.You and Ed, that is.

Lehners in France said...

Toastie, I have another award for you over at my place. I hope you like it, it's a beautiful rose.
France (((X)))

Sandi McBride said...

I'm plumb tuckered out but that was a great read...rather like a novella...and I'm with you...48 my arse too!
Pleased to meet you...Deb Lehner sent me by...she's a good judge of writing I'd say, lol
Sandi

Tori_z said...

Believe me I understand! I feel like I'm living at hospitals and doctors' surgeries at the moment myself.

Hope this week's appointments go well. *hugs* :)

Go Figure said...

MT, seems that your course has overlooked the life saving fundamentals of beer. I personally prefer Schmidt Beer. I am sure that you can't get it over the pond. We keep that fine stuff close to home! Oh, and the post said Tuesday? You guys are either way ahead or way behind because it is Saturday here, although it is hot and nice. Yep, a nice place to spend such a splendid day...in the office! HA!

Tori_z said...

Go Figure:
Umm... It's not that the UK is way behind, it's that Toasty's not done a blog for a few days. LOL!

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((cedar))))~ what ya mean Eds like ya X cos he is armless(harmless in my accent lol) or legless(drunk as a skunk lol).... there will be NO wedding, Im going to dump him this evening after Ive propped him up at the table and fed him his Sunday Roast :) - so there is no need for anyone to go and buy a 'wedding hat'... dam, and I thought this might be the one lol....xxxxx

~(((((France))))~ goodness gracious.. you are to kind.... knowing me I'll sniff the rose and a bee will fly up me nose lol..... fank you :)......xxxxxx

~((((sandi))))~ welcome, any matie of Frances is most welcome here.... you trying to say me post was long winded LMFAO...... I popped over last night to ya blob and saved it so Im gonna make a cuppa tea and sit and have a gander this morning... cos its way LONG lmfao........ xxxxx

~(((ToriZ)))~ you have been on my mind all week, every day in my thoughts.... wish I was there with you if only to make ya smile.... you are just so very brave and you humble me with it all......hugzzzz xxxxxxxx

~(((((((((((Starr))))))))))~ well we was only allowed a cuppa tea or coffe half way though the evenings... a couple of the nights though after, we did rush off and get in a quick drink up the pub on the way home.... except mine was a coke LOL....

oh NO at working in the office on a Saturday :) but wearing those pants over the top of ya trouser like the super hero you are, more then makes up for it :)....

I wish I could send you each week a different bottle of our British Beers there are hundreds..... The Bishops finger lol.... Hobgoblin.. Nuns Surprise.....

When I visited me maties in Wistconstance 2 1/2 years ago I took over hand luggage 24 bottles of different beers and 2 bottles of our local wine lol that was the days when ya was allowed to carry fluids as hand luggage, I still did get a few funny looks and comments when me bag went through the scanner lol they probably thought I was a drunk lol.... and it was so heavy I couldnt lift the case into the overhead compartment lmfao.... xxxxxxxxx

~((((ToriZ))))))~ LMAO, Mr Starr DOES know he is just being a smartalec LOL....hehehhehehe.... xxxxx

Casdok said...

Ed sounds my kind of man too!! Congrats on your cirtificate, sounds as though you well deserved it!

LadyStyx said...

Boy, she sounds like a real piece of work. *shakes head laffin*

I remember having to learn CPR as part of a swimming lesson while growing up. I seem to remember the models we performed on being alot more realistic looking. At least the chest and face was shaped right. *shrugz*

Go Figure said...

MT--Smartalect??!! I beg your pardon, everything I say is said sincerely and with me tongue pressed firmly into my cheek. Have to keep the Griz in ya know. HA! Hot here again. Please be sure to post weather reports so that I can plan a week ahead!

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((casdok)))~ well sometimes its nice if someone laffs back at ya jokes or joins in, but Ed, well, what can I say...... he was as boring as me X husband lol only me X had the body of a greek god but as boring as they come... where as Ed, aint got no body and no sense of humour.... and everytime I tried to prop him up at the bar he fell off the stool lol.... xxxxx

~((((ladystyX))))~ the dummies we had 3 years ago were very life like.... I dont like these new ones..... the baby dummies we used was well a bit real looking..... and yep, she was a boring jobsworth old fart LOL....xxxxx

~((((((((((((((Starr)))))))))))~ :) - imagining your accent spoken with ya tongue shoved in ya cheek lol..... and the weather here today is wellabit hot...... I went to Iceland (frozen food shop) to stock up our freezer with ice lollies and burgers and things so that in the week we can have a BBQ.... and me washing line is full of washing drying in the summer sun.... and me chickens are making dust baths down the back of me little garden...... and I wish I was on holiday cos I need a break lol...... weather report over and out.....xxxxxxxx

Lady in red said...

I'm really sorry things have not been so good with your knee again.

I think you are quite right to dump Ed as I am sure he doesn't have very good prospects and after all your years of struggling you deserve to find someone who will provide you with a bit of comfort not someone who spends his life sat on the dole queue

Tori_z said...

You can keep thinking I'm brave if you want... But I'm not feeling very brave at the moment. Tomorrow is a consultation with one of the doctors doing the op... Tomorrow might be the day I find out when the op will be.

How's your leg doing?

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((LIR)))~ yeah the knee is a pain in the arse :) just going with the flow here, what will be will be.....

Yeah that Ed, all his sweet talk and words of love and foreverness, they wasnt really said to me, they was what he said to boost his own ego and to make himself feel good inside, well, Ed is no more.... Ive finished with him lol....

And ya know what, I aint really struggled all these years on me own raising me lads, cos I work me arse off and we laff and laff and play music and love and thats the magic word 'love' - I/we are better off now in every aspect of our lives then when I was married..... not saying its been easy cos the lads aint had no father figure as such in their lives, cos tosser X left in every way possible from their lives...... but.... I wouldnt say it was a struggle as such, to some maybe it would be, and most of me maties said they couldnt of done it with a couple of kids let alone 4 lol... but I always have a different take on life.....I own me own house with just a few years left on the mortgage, I own me own car with no finance, I owe no one nuffin, never been in debt in me life and dont aim to be in the future..... we live within our means and only spend what we have, we dont go without anything, I have savings for a rainy day and even in the bad days this house has laughter bouncing off the walls..... and loud music and chickens and kids everywhere... BUT on saying that..... I would know love someone special in me life and yes they would need strong arms and a strong heart and need a challenge LOL no dole or benefit bum for me :)..... so, looks like Im on me own then LMFAO........

ps...... hows your mum doing?....xxxxx

~(((((ToriZ)))))~ oh Tori, you will be in my thoughts more then ever tomorrow..... more then ever.....and you are brave, to a wimp like me you are just the bravest.... I wanna shout from the rooftops just how special you are..... I cant imagine what you are going through, and if Im good enough to travel to Wales, then I will come visit when you have your op... well not that day obviously, ya wouldnt want me around then..... but soon after, Wales aint that far away right?..... and I love leeks and daffs and ya never know, I might find meself a lovely Welsh farmer :).... Im a bit partial to farmers LOL......I will be thinking extra special thoughts tomorrow when you see your consultant...... much much love to you sweet girl.... xxxxxxx ps and hugzzzz to Kelly even though he is canadian lol...

MarmiteToasty said...

(JBelle I found this on the previous post but thought it was meant for here lol)

JBelle said...
hey, did Ed call?

29 June 2008 18:47


~(((((JBelle))))~ yep he called - he called me a bloody old cow, a bitch, a skank, he called me many things when I dumped him LOL.....xxxxxxxx

jolie-jordan said...

So good to hear you sounding like the old you of better days...healthwise. I hope your knee and spirits keep healing so that you and Ed have a happy (getting to know you)summer. You and your stories make my heart sing...thank you for the sharing...you funny girl. You and your friends remind me a bit of "Rosemary & Thyme" of British TV fame. Always in a bit of trouble. I love their program and the actresses are great. Ever watch them?

ANYHOW:
It looks like fun was had by all...well at least by some of you...at the "CPR" classes...I bet that teacher was dammed glad to see them end. tee-hee

I wish they would make the child care people in America take them each year. I think our daycare system generally sucks.

My daughter Holly recently took a class and I know she didn't have as much fun as you gals did but I am thankful she knows what to do if she needs to...what with raising Jordan and being around little Henry all the time. Those boys are little hooligans and could very easily get into a spot where they need CPR.

Sorry I'm prattling on so. I act like we are sitting at the table gabbing over a cup of tea.

I hope you and the lads are enjoying the summer and having a bit of fun. Did the package I sent you arrive yet? Hopefully it does soon and in one piece. They made me think of you and your Cedric...Mabel and Janet so I got me a set too.

Hugs & good thoughts to you.
XXXJolie

Tori_z said...

*Blushes* Thanks, but I'm not all that special... Or brave.

You've got time to get better before my op. It'll probably be late August I'll be having it. *Sigh*

Tori_z said...

Didn't you have an appointment yesterday too? How'd it go?

goatman said...

Hey . . . mouthful of root beer all over the keyboard reading your blob here. You are the class clown and the classes you attend need clowns.

You should write for the local paper Mel. Please the crowds.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((((((Jolie))))))))))~ GUESS WHAT CAME TODAY........ :) oh my gracious..... you lovely woman... special special special thats what you and they are.... I will treasure them always, and the strange thing is... they look exactly like the 3 they are suppose to portray..... email forthcoming :)...... what with the little parcel today and the beautiful special bookmark you send, Ive wellabit spoilt ;)

Dont think Ive ever seen Rosemary and Thyme? its just when Im with those 2 we are on such the same wavelength we can almost read eachothers thoughts and at times its just way to funny, especially in boring situations lol

I must admit what Ive heard about your childcare system over there, well, it just wouldnt wash over here... no way no how, maybe I should come over and start up a business over there, do you think anyone would trust me with their kids LMFAO

Ya dont prattle on, ya waffle and twaddle and I LOVE IT :)... with the first aid, its something that ya just hope ya never need to put ys skills into practise...

And our schools and colleges still have 3 1/2 weeks left til our summer break, so we dont consider summer has started til then :)..... dont know what I will be doing this summer...... last summer I was in Maine....sigh......

love you girl.........xxxxxxxxxxx

~(((Toriz)))))~ oh shut up you lol you are special and you are so bloody brave you put me to shame...... hope it all went well yesterday........ me, well, Im so so :)....xxxxxx

~((((goatman))))~ I would so love to keep a couple of goats :) ..... and I aint a clown lol Im shy and reserved and quiet ;) and I dont have a red nose or huge shoes or a squirty flower on the lapel of me jacket LOL.... mopping up you rootbeer, whatever the hell that is lol..... is it beer made from turnips??.....xxxxx

Lehners in France said...

Toastie, I worry when people say they are "fine" and "So, So." So how are you? God Mel you can email and I can phone you for nothing!!! France (((X)))

JeanieSpokane said...

O my God! I didn't get it until I saw the picture, that your Ed was a, well, a blow up doll! I laughed so hard I think I need diapers.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

[:-)

You take care of yourself, darlin’! No over-doing! OK?

Tori_z said...

*Shrugs* It went OK.

AuntieM said...

Hi MT, I'm so sorry you had to go through such a dark time, but I'm glad you're able to laugh a bit now. You've been in my thoughts lately, it's good to see that you're on the road to recovery. Maybe Ed the Head is making a difference... Best wishes from this side of the staples!

ChrisB said...

This gave me a good laugh~ way back I used to organise First Aid training for childminders. (Keep it a secret but I was an Ofsted inspector!)

Elaine said...

This was absolutely hilarious! I just looked at the date and it was 2008, so that means you have to do it all over again next year. Haaaaaaaa! You're gonna have so much fun! xxx