New Boyfriend Named Ed.... I Think Its Love....

Ok....... with the job I have, I have to have a fully up to date Pediatric First Aid Certificate... which is valid for 3 years, so that means every 3 years I, along with me maties HAVE to attend further updated training.... and so back in February the call came through that it was this year to update.........

The last course we went on was intense and draining but oh my, did we have some laffs during the weeks....... we have to attend a course that was set up by Ofsted, it was for 3 hours every Tuesday evening for 12 weeks..... thats a long evening after having other peoples nippers for almost 10 hours a day......

But I was booked in with me best maties Ann and Sharon, so I KNEW it would be also much fun.......and besides, we have no choice about whether to do it or not lol

We each took it in turns to drive, it was at some centre about 8 miles away, in this really new looking building BUT in the middle of a really rough council estate.... and I aint no snob by any stretch of the imagination...... cos the council estate was the same one I grew up in until I was 14..LOL and me other two maties both being Londoners aint particulary posh themselves lol....... but, now that we have moved out of that circle of jacked up cars in front gardens and snotty nosed kids..... we do tend to joke and laff about the place LOL....

So of course, the first night we was a few minutes late....but we were not the last to arrive..... the person that was giving the training 3 years ago was right proper fun, as were the other 9 people attending..... but ya just DONT know what to expect or who the trainer is going to be or what the people from different jobs were all going to be like...... and us 3 being together are a force to be reckoned with lol....

So...... we eventually find the right building, and waltz late into the classroom, it was only like 3 minutes late, where it goes dead quiet and this real strange looking woman who was the teacher just glared at us..... so to break the ice and the tension...... I says........ oh my, Im so sorry we are late but our car was stoned on that approach road by the bloody thugs that live around here and we had to chase them and when we got back to the car, some theiving little sods had jacked up our car and nicked the wheels off it....... so we had to walk the rest of the way......this is a wellabit rough area.. I says lol.......

This woman, who I presumed to be in her 60s had a dead pan face and just said...I live just across the road...... if you would just take your seats....talk about NO sense of humour.... there actually didnt seem to be much evidence of life in her soul either...... the desks and chairs had been arranged all facing a white board, real formal, so I KNEW we was in for a sticky 12 week ride lol..... we was then arguing who was gonna sit nearest the front lmfao...... and all the time we was laffing, the rest of the boring people were dead quiet and just giving us the evil eye lol....... they made ME have the front seat lol.....

Its so hard to explain on here just what this woman was like........ she was right up her own arse of importance...... and after introductions like at an AA meeting.... she proceeded to tell us what each week would involve... and what topics we would be covering....... well some of these people in the room I most certainly WOULD NOT let loose on a sick or dying person.... talk about thick lol..... talk about dumb, I knew there was no way that some of these weirdos would get to the end of the long course, let alone pass an exam...

The woman talked in the most strangest accent, a mix of Hampshire Farmer Hog, like mine, and a sort of high pitched spazmo accent, which everytime she spoke made me laff inside so much that my whole body would shake and I would turn and look at me maties and found them doing the same.... everytime we looked at each other we got those uncontrolable giggles that we had to try and stifle lol..... and she was one of these people that had DONE everything and had attended EVERYTHING and had saved EVERYONE and had been responsible for countless life saving experiences....... as the weeks progressed we realised that much of it was just bullshit and she was one of those people that just THOUGHT she was important...... cos some of the stories she told about different things were so full of mistakes and contradiction, we just knew most of it was thats she was just one of those people that NEEDED to feel important...... OH WELL, this was gonna be soooooooo much fun lol.......

As, I said, some of these people on this course were not very bright, and just didnt grasp the basic medical knowledge, so it was hard not to say something, but bite our tongues we did..... well for the first few weeks we were model students lmfao.....

It also turned out that the teacher woman, ya know, the up her own bottom one, was no where near in her 60s but she said she was only 48....... 48 my arse lol..... there is NO WAY she was 2 years younger then me.... I would bet me house on it and sell my sons if she was telling the truth....



This is the woman, I dare not put a full faced photo of her up JUST INCASE lol but the funniest thing of all was that her name was Mabel hahahahaha and of course me chicken is called Mabel....oh my the jokes in code that me maties threw around each week was just so funny...... ya had to be there...

She also just kept on and on about different situations she had found herself in..... some were very strange and when questioned a little more indepth, she faultered and quivered with her replies so we know she was making much stuff up to sound like she was more important then she really was........ lol bless her little cotton socks lmfao



This is me matie Anne.... and this is how we spent much of the 3 hours each Tuesday night for 12 weeks...... laffing laffing laffing lol she was laffing at some comment I had just made lol

Also after each topic we covered she would ask if anyone had dealt with someone in a similar situation...... and when someone started to say about themselves she only let them talk for a couple of minutes and then she would interupt and make HER story about her situation even more unbelievable...... by week 4 it was becoming a joke lol........ and when she would ask if anyone had a tale to teill, I muttered, what I thought was under me breathe to me maties....'yeah like she gives a toss' lol she asked me to explain what I was muttering ..... she said all I heard was 'toss' and if I could explain to the group what situation I had found myself in........ well, by then, a few of the group had become quite friendly with us and seemed to be on the same level as us and the same thinking about this weird woman lol....... she made me STAND UP lmfao...... and explain what I had been muttering about lmfao.....

My brain was ticking over cos to be honest I really DIDNT wanna upset this woman, who after all was there to teach us lol....... my brain was whirling and my mind was saying think think Mel think, try and get out of this one LOL....... all the time me maties was laffing behind me lmfao....... so I told her that once my son had 'tossed' a pancake and it had landed on his face and had stuck......... IT WAS A JOKE...... but she picked up the story and went on to tell a much more unbelievable tale that involved her........ well, all I had to do was look across the room at this one bloke called Paul and he just let rip with the loudest belly laff EVER, which started everyone else off and I thought we would be dealing with a heart attack from the teacher woman where she had lost the plot LMFAO.....



This is me best matie Sharon after I had done quite a good job of bandaging her head LMFAO...note the lovely fashion statement with the kung foo look lol... first of I had bandaged her whole head like a mummy from a tomb lmfao.... we got told off LOL



I think my head bandaging was way better then the job someone had done on Ann lol

The evenings were long and boring, or maybe it was because I/we had retained all our old courses and there was not much new to learn.... or maybe it was being in the company of 'not so bright' people.... but laff we most certainly did.... especially when we had the baby dummys to work on....... ya had to shove this thing in its mouth and suss out what to do if it was choking.... well the woman shoved the plastic blockage in this baby dummies throat so hard that it was impossible to get out by the usual methods....... and I lost marks by picking the dummy up by itd leg and swinging it around me head and letting slip so that it hit the wall... she just would NOT have it that the blockage was actually dislodged, oh no, she wasnt interested in that lol....... and Sharon blew in the dummy so hard that she actually blew up the lungs and burst them lmfao...... to funny.....

We also realised that we could get away a little earlier each night IF NO ONE retold tales of incidents they had come across in emergency settings....... so we all made a pact to NOT mention things when she asked us if we had been in difficult situations with people breaking things and such....... EXCEPT........ and, oh my, my maties laffed and laffed and kicked me under the table and gave me those 'kill you if you open your mouth' looks lol.....

Ya see, when we got onto the subject of someone having a fit or a strange turn or an epileptic fit and she asked if anyone had come across this before..... I got such a kick under the table from Ann that I swear I had a bruise.... and she firmly said DONT YOU DARE lol........ ya see, I have this story that happened a few years back when me lads were members of the Navy Cadets and we was as a show with the fieldgun crew in Salisbury...... me maties know the story but they didnt want me to tell it cos we had made this pact about getting home early lol........ but I just couldnt help it....... I wanted to show that I knew what to do in that situation....... so I spoke up to explain what had happened a few years back.....

I told the class that one summer I was at Salsibury with me lads, 3 of which were memebers of the naval cadets and we were there for a fieldgun crew show, Jacob was not very old and I had taken a picnic.... and it was all spread out on a blanket, ya know a well proper picnic, right at the front of the showground so that we could watch the rest of the show whilst having lunch...... there was this man and lady standing next to us, when all of a sudden the bloke sort of fell right into the middle of me picnic knocking things everywhere.... the poor bloke was having some sort of seizure.... oh lordy, why on my picnic blanket lol....... well I do know that one has to make the area safe for the person but to just let them have their seizure, no sticking ones fingers down their throat etc..... so there's this bloke thrashing around ON MY PICNIC BLANKET.... sarnies and cakes and juices EVERYWHERE.... the wifey woman said to me...... we just have to leave him to get on with it, it will be ok......... OK, I said, he is squashing me corned beef sarnies so if you could move him slightly off me picnic we could continue with our lunch..... it was a joke ya know lol....... but when the bloke has stopped his turn, he just got up, brushed himself off and didnt even say fanks for the soft landing.... and as he walked away he had me corned beef sarnies all squashed into the back of his jumper LOL...... we had to go and buy burgers from the BBQ man lmfao........

On the last evening SHE, the woman teacher, bought in all the adult dummys.... well they was just technically a head and body, a person with no arms or legs.... they just lay there. staring, silently begging to be saved LOL........

I was given Ed.... I called him Ed cos thats basically is just what he was.... an Ed (with my hampshire accent we drop the H sound at the beginning of most words so HEAD becomes Ed LOL).... I think it was love at first site with me and Ed, he seemed to understand me, he seemed shy in my presence, cos he sure didnt say much lol



This is Ed, he was quite a kisser LOL and spent a lot of time practising my kissing techniques LOL.... oops sorry, I mean practising mouth to mouth incase I needed to give the kiss of life to someone oneday.....

I think its love.... me and Ed made a great couple, he was easy on the eye LOL and had such kissy lips.... ok so he didnt have arms and legs and he often had breathing difficulties, but he would be dead cheap at christmas, cos all one could buy him would be a hat or a scarf or the odd earing LOL...... yep..... it was love at first blow with me and Ed LOL......



This is Ann and Sharon snogging and heart pumping Eds mates lmfao........

And yes all three of us passed the course with flying colours..... there was only 5 out of 12 of us that passed.... and a few people did fank us for making the past 12 weeks such a fun more enjoyable evening and had me and me maties ever throught about doing a stage show lmfao.......

So I have a certificate to prove that Im fully qualified for the next 3 years....... just jebus help anyone that needs my assistance in a time of emergency LOL....... well, unless they fall on me corned beef sarnies, cos that Im ok with :)

I think ya just had to be on these evenings to appreciate just how much we laffed and laffed and laffed.....

*************

Knee update - had a bad night last night... I tried to do way to much yesterday trying to prove something and nearly came a cropper lol....... but sometimes enough is enough and ya just have to push it a little lol

Way to much Twaddling rubbish for a sunny Tuesday afternoon......

x

Crimpleness Has Its Advantages.....

Ok........ well, just under a fortnight ago me matie knew these 4 walls was driving me into a mental home, so she suggested that just me and her with NO nippers go to our favourite garden centre, just to get me out, and even though I can only hobble short distances, it would be nice and we could have a cuppa tea and a scone in the cafe bit......

I suggested that I actually take MY car.... cos I NEED to get back to driving and seeing as its an automatic, and as long as I could get in and out and sit comfortably then I didnt see a problem :)

Jebus, it was just so funny trying to get in me car lol..... but, get in I did and I drove round to Sharons to pick her up..... and off we went.....

Keydell Garden Centre is only in Horndean and about 8-10 minutes away with my driving..... the huge car park is built on a real steep slope except for the top part near the entrance, but there are not many parking spaces there........ so Sharon suggests cos it was like only me second trip out and I would be a bit wobbly on a slope, that I park in the space allocated to 'crimples'....... no no no I says, cos Im only a part time crimple and there might be a full time crimple that needs the space....... oh shut it she says, there are 3 other places for full time crimples so stop with the old 'giving a dam about others' crap and just park OVER THERE.... and she pointed to a car park space right next to the entrance.....

So I pulls up and we start to gather our bits when someone taps on me side window and nearly gave me a heart attack...... 'oh ere we go' says me matie..... so I put me window down and says......... yes???..... and this bloke says all smug like.... you aint allowed to park here.... so I says, who are you the car park police??.... this space is for blue badge holders only and you dont have one on your windscreen, says the bloke..... well, I says, I do have an I AM 50 BADGE back home, and a BESTEST MUM badge that I could go back home and get if that would make you smile *smiling at him*...... YOU CANT PARK HERE its for the disabled, he says in quite a rude manner....

Do YOU need this space I ask politely?...... no he says, but someone else might.... I says, its Thursday morning and the carpark only has a few cars parked...... look..... there are plenty of spaces, as you can see there are only a handful of cars actually here so what are the chances that all of a sudden there is going to be a mad gathering of crimples all deciding to gather NOW this minute at this garden centre.... there is NOT an average of 3 crimples to every non crimple..... me matie snorted and she started me giggling...... look Sharon says to the bloke, me matie here IS a crimple, whether she has a blue badge for the windscreen or not, she has crutches and cant walk very far and this is only her second trip out SO WE ARE PARKING HERE so I suggest you go hassle that little old lady over there that is breaking into that car... and she points to this dear little old lady that was innocently trying to open her carboot LOL.......

The bloke by now was a bit red faced.......... so, are you going to move or not, he says....... and at the same time me and Sharon say NOT and start to laff LOL...... well we will see about that he says, I will go and complain to the staff.... cos I dont believe you have the right to park here, you are not disabled and I think you are just to lazy to walk up the slope...... HOW I DIDNT DRAG THE BASTARD through the window and poke his eyes out is beyond me lol....ok listen me matie says...... picking up one of me crutches...... see this, this is a crutch.... a walking crutch that is and NOT a crotch.....*giggles*..... this is a walking aid for CRIMPLES..... see my matie here, this crutch belongs to her, well not technically her cos its the property of the hospital but its for her to use all the time she is a CRIMPLE.... so I suggest you bugger off before I hit you over the head with it......

How rude, the blokie says..... right me maties says to me..... GET OUT THE BLOODY CAR and show him that you are a dribbling spazmo crimple will ya for gawds sake, cos help me god I could be up for murder by 10 o'clock.......

So I drag meself out the car, over exagerating me movements and making strange noises.... and I do me little spazmo walk... SEE me matie says...... this here crimple, as you can see it REAL........ do you know what the blokie says LMFAO.... he says, you might just be using them as a prop LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA well that started me and Sharon laffing so hard that its all I could do to stand up on me dodgy legs lmfao....... Sharon walks up right close to the bloke, about 5 inches from his face and says..... I suggest you bugger off NOW cos I will not be held responsible if my crimple friend beats your head in with her crutch and then whilst you are screaming on the floor, I will also not be responsible for stomping on your head, and then YOU will need to be using this crimple carparking space next time you come here....... now SOD off, Im bored with you now LOL....... and with that this bloke used the 'F' word on us and scurried off and got in his car and drove like a bat out of hell out of the garden centre LOL..... leaving his basket of plants on the floor lmfao....... fanks matie for the 6 perennials.... they look beautiful in me garden lol.....



These are the plants that the bloke left in the carpark cos he was to busy having a temper tantrum.... Im mega chufted lol over $40 worth of plants..... fanks matie, it must of been 'Do A Good Deed For A Crimple Day' for you LMFAO....

Anyways, we had a little hobble around, and it was lovely to get out, I needed some bits and bobs to do me hanging baskets etc...... and now, seeing as how the nice man in the carpark had donated his other plants for me, I didnt need to buy perennials lmfao.... It was a bit slippy in places where the paths were wet where the staff had been watering the plants, and a couple of times I nearly went arse over tit, which made me matie scream with laughter..... nasty cow LOL....




This is crimple art..... we decided to use me crutches to do a bit of art work, well until the nice man in the green T-shirt that had STAFF written across the back, asked us politely to KEEP THE DAM STICKS off the plants lmao.... some people just dont have an appreciation for fine art :)



This is me matie on the other side of one of the greenhouses ringing me on her mobile to say that I needed to hobble me fat arse over there cos thats were the buzy lizzies were lmfao...... sometimes she just creases me up....



This little robin thats on the handle of our plant trolley followed us around all the time we was there.... I tried to get it to pose on me crutch but it was having non of it lol....

After about 30 minutes I was already knackered lol remember this was only me second trip out of me house, so we headed for the lovely little cafe which is situation in this beautiful little cottage that had been converted.... so me matie plonks me down on a table outside and goes in to get the teas and cakes....... she comes back out empty handed and says, get up, and come and get in the queue cos there is NO WAY IM gonna gueue lmfao..... so I hobble inside and Im about the 7th in the queue (AND I SO DONT QUEUE WELL) so I says to the people in front....... Im so very sorry to bother you.... *said in a sweet voice*.... is it possible for me to go first cos Im finding it very difficult to stand for long..... LMFAO....... and with that it was like moses and the parting of the waves.... they moved out the way with words of.... oh you go in front love, and... of course, let her through lmfao....... so I get to the front and I give me matie the nod and she comes and takes my place and I go outside and find a table lmfao.... with sounds of tut tut tut from the others in the queue lol - some times crimpleness has its advantages lol



This is our goody tray with the biggest clotted cream scone and carrot cake that I have ever seen LOL...Sharon had to go back in and get the mugs of tea... no wonder we are fat cows lmfao....



More crimple art, and NO, one crutch is not shorter then the other, I was trying to make the photo interesting lmfao...... on saying that, once when me father had a broken leg when we was kids, me and me brother shortened one of his crutches whilst he slept and when he work up he stood up and grabbed his crutches little beknown to him that we had made one tiny and he fell over on the floor cos he was off balance lmfao..... omg I couldnt sit down for a week with the leathering I got, but oh my it was so worth it LOL



This is me trolley of goodies :)







These will be pretty once they start to grow and fill out........

I love plants with a passion, maybe it was the many years I was involved with my X's family nursery business and then our own plant nursery before we split..... but I do know that plants give me so much joy.... and I like nuffin better then getting stuck in and getting me hands dirty.....

**************

Knee update - over the past few weeks Ive been at the hospital 3-4 times a week, they are trying desperately to sort me out......

What happens is, I see me consultant and they drain the gunge from me knee, then its straight round to the physio department where Nick and Anita do the business on me for over an hour lol..... they are me physios from when I had the ligaments reconstructed in me other knee, so they know me well and I will say even in my bad days we have laffed and laffed so much......

But last week I had physio last Mon Wed and then Thursday the decision was made to admit me, so I went into QA Hospital this time and had further surgery late Thursday evening.... they scrapped away all the bad tissue around the bone graft and bionic knee, and whilst under they stretched and manipulated the muscles to try and give me better movement.... and took internal photos so as to help with decision making in a few weeks......I persuaded them to let me out on Saturday, as me 2 older lads are away in Spain and I didnt want Jacob left to long in the house on his own, cos his other brother was away for the weekend..... AND I had his birthday treat to arrange LOL.... so, back to worse hobbling this week.... but they are trying and aint giving up on me yet......

So, yesterday I had 1 1/2 hours with Nick and Anita on this special spazmo bike that ya can change the sprockets on the peddles so that ya dodgy leg dont make a full whole rotation in a big arc, just a tiny one on me dodgy side.... its to keep the movement free....and on a few other weirdo machines... it was very painful and Nick had to swear at me a couple of times lol GOOD JOB he was me physio for 2 years and we get on well........ he repeated what he said to me 3 years ago when I ask to many question......... he said 'Mel, as I slide down this big wooden banister of life, you are like the bloody splinter in me arse - now just get on with it and stop with the questions' LOL.....



Thats Anita on the left with two ladies at receptions that always seem pleased to see me lol they said despite everything I always make them laff and they hear laughter coming from the gym when Im there....... Nick wouldnt let me take his photo YET lol.... he has just come back from a year traveling the states, starting in Alaska.... he said he got the urge from me a few years back when I would tell him my dreams of taking a year off and hiring a camper and just travelling all over America.... so thats what he actually did, they kept his job open for him and he only came back last month..... so we had a lot to catch up on..... I think they are secretly glad Im back with them, cos Jebus, some of those getting physio are so dam boring lol and the noise level most certainly goes up when I hobble in lol AND as strange as this is, there is ALWAYS every week someone else in there that I actually know lmfao...... I hobble in and usually have to say hello to someone lol it aint my fault I know a lot of people....

Anyways, thats whats happening so far with me knee, hospital again tomorrow and again this Friday.... Hoping to maybe have the drains out tomorrow *fingers crossed* cos since the Surgery on Thursday there aint been much gunge coming out....... maybe JUST BLOODY MAYBE this is a turning point...... Im holding me breathe so tightly....

I wasnt so scared this time going into surgery..... Ive gotten a bit numb to it all now if truth be told..... and didnt even tell anyone what was going on....

And now me head is clear of that cocktail of drugs, I can think things clearly.... Im still very humbled by most peoples comments and actions...... and disgusted by a few others, but ya know what..... those few others aint worth the drippings from me nose..... they will always look at themselves as victims and turn every situation around to themselves..... well I dont have selfish people in me life..... so thats that done and dusted ..........

Way way to much Twaddling rubbish for this overcast showery Tuesday....... Ive got things to do ya know..... now where is me book ;)

OXO

One Flew Over The Chickens Nest..... That Little Hiccup Out The Way...

Ok.......... still trying to make sense of things here...... Ive always brushed the shit of life off me shoulders and just got on with things....... always used the words 'it was what it was at the time'.... always stood proud and tall..... always believed in tomorrow.... always looked forward...... always thought 'my time would come'

I was gonna try and explain my feelings and WTF has happened over the past few weeks, but it would sound whiney and moaning and stupid and pathetic...... so I wont, I cant.....not fully like me normal waffling twaddling rubbish.... so I'll try and keep it short and hope maybe it explains why I hit rock bottom....no excuses just maybe reasons...

I will just say that I was told something that I just couldnt share with anyone, not until recently, I kept it bottle up tight inside not knowing what to do........I was told the risks involved in having the op when I did.......there was/is a chance that I might lose me leg if they can not get it sussed and sorted pretty soon....Im scared shitless.....I knew there was a risk before I signed the consent form for the op, the bones had worn so bad that I also had to have a bone graft done during the knee replacement op to try and build up the bone enough for the bionic knee to sit level.... Im scared and Ive had no one to talk to about this.... no one that I truely thought cared.... so I bottled it all up and tried to deal with it meself..... Im so very scared cos its all going wrong, so very wrong.....and from them taking me back into theatre whilst still in hospital things began to not look good.... I just have a way of laffing and smiling me way through shit... but now the longer the problems go on, the most fearful Im becoming.... Jebus Im just so very very scared and I know I have no one to even share this with properly.... so very very frightened... I dont wanna lose me leg not now Im come this far in life....what have I done to deserve this worry....

I will say the lethal combination of 7 kinds of drugs trying to stabilize everything was a cocktail for trouble, they reacted against each other sending me into a spiral of fuzzyness and unclear thinking and fever pitch temperatures.....


Just a handful of the rubbish they have had me taking... thats not all of it lol

I just needed 6 or so years left to raise the last of me lads and give me a couple of years for me, to be me and do some of the things that Ive always wanted to do...

I will just say that Im grieving over lost special friendships.... which is sad at the best of times, but gets compounded 100 fold when one is at their lowest.... and when one is at the end of their tether, trying to figure out whats best to do for everone, a kick in the teeth and words of mistrust, only make the down person sink even more into a whirlpool of self destruction......

I will add that being stuck in the house for 6-7 weeks not being able to do anything contructive around the house or garden was/is for me a recipe for cottage fever of the highest..... hate daytime telly, couldnt concentrate on reading, couldnt sit at the computer due to severe pain and fatigue and exhaustion... couldnt potter around me garden or decorate the house, its not like having 6 weeks off work unpaid lol and being able to do things.... oh how I would of loved that lol

Not having me nippers around to keep me mind occupied has been horrific....

Not being able to walk and the frustration and fear combined sent me marbles rolling in the wrong direction.......

There is so much more........but I once again cant think straight to include it all.....

I just know I dont wanna have to change me name to 'Peggie' with the pegleg LOL

So ya see, there is more to things then just broken friendships and self pity and an off day.......

All the above mixed in a huge pot and spooned out into bowls... makes for a dam rough couple of weeks......

I did get out for the second time in 7 weeks yesterday just for an hour to buy some plants.... but last night it left me totally drained and exhausted and cross with meself......

Please wait for me...... and bare with my sadness....... but its all just been way to much for me usually broad shoulders to carry of late.......

The possible loss of me leg or the loss of me special maties.... I know which one I would rather lose......

There, done and dusted.... episode over...... what will be will be...... Im just so very scared........lets hope its all gonna just be fine...... lets all just pretend non of it ever happened, lets just turn the clock back a year and start again.... lets just wait and see what happens..... thats me, a worrywart of the highest....

Normal service will resume shortly..... please fasten your seatbelts....lets just get back to having fun aye....and hey, as scared as I am, Im still me daft self most of the time here, ask me maties LOL

Enough pathetic waffling babbling Twaddle....... just trying to explain to those that care, where Ive been and where I might be going....

This post is NOT a sad post, even though it might sound like Im whining and moaning LOL - its just an explaination on the ride Ive been on this past couple of weeks...... but Im ok now in me mind....just a little sad at lost friendships...... but Im fighting this with all I have.... so I didnt lose it completely much to the disgust of me maties here in the village LOL..... I would of been their first matie they would of had to of visited in some nuthouse LOL .....giggling :)

night.... oxo

Part Time Nutcase...

Ok......... Im sat here in front of the computer and blank staring at the monitor and thousands and thousands of thoughts and feelings are rushing through me head..... bashing against the sides.......not knowing how to write anything down..... just knowing that I owe everyone and meself an explanation...... and not even knowing where to begin.....



Thats me hobbling towards the end of the tunnel.... I sooooooo dont look good in orange :)

Thoughts of confusion..... thoughts of love..... thoughts of deep embarrasment....thoughts of lost trust from people I love.... thoughts of hopelessness....... thoughts of 'I didnt think people cared'...... thoughts of great great sadness of things lost..... thoughts of such fear....... and not being able to explain those fears to those I love.... cos I was scared more of loosing those people then the fears themselves...but it looks like I might of lost them anyway.... thoughts of so many things...... thoughts of how deeply deeply touched I am by those that have commented on this blob that dont really know me yet have showed so much depth and care then I have ever ever experienced in me life..... ever....

I wanted to sit here and explain.... no excuses....... just maybe explain..... Ive lost many things this week besides me marbles..... but I have also gained so very very much..... much more then I could of ever imagined.....



When ya think no one cares about ya in the world and ya feel completely alone.... and when ya so need to share some serious things with those that ya love, yet ya feel ya cant and ya hold back and then those people get the wrong end of the stick and they point fingers of mistrust......and so more gets piled on ya shoulders to carry, when already ya shoulders are full with all that you have to hold inside..... its hard to see the focus and purpose of staying.....

And then when ya see the outpouring on ya blob, just through posting 4 photos and a couple of words.... when ya realise that strangers have not judged, even when that bird of insanity is pecking out me mind and soul...... it makes one humble so very very humble.....

Ya see........ there aint never been anything in life that I aint been able to suss and sort out, not just for me, but for others that cross me path in life...... its always been 'Mel will sort it out' - 'go see Mel, she will figure it all out' - Im the most trustworthy people to friends and even strangers when they are down or low or at their wits end.....there aint never been anything in life that I couldnt handle, and believe me much of me life has not been a free ride, and I know Ive overcome all that life has thrown at me knowing that 'its what it was' no matter what its been..... so when I found meself in this place of dispair and no path out.... it just about blew me mind..... there are so many reaons as to why.... all the shit piled high on me shoulders that even I have not get sifted through and stacked on the shelves of me mind..... so trying to explain as yet, would be unfair.... so unfair.....

So, today in this post Im not going to even try to explain where all these thoughts of dispair have come from.... and those that think they know me and think they know..... sorry, but you really truelly dont fully have a clue..... and yet I was judged on something that was completely out of my hands for a while....

Im not out of the woods yet, just maybe out of the tree....... lets see what tomorrow brings......

But I just wanted to let you know that I have never ever in all me life felt so humble with the outpouring of thoughts and well wishes from you all, and the little cards that some sent and the emails that have nudged me into sanity...and the phone calls made to me from strangers with concern.... and the lovely gifts that I have received.... and the words of hope...... its all been so very overwhelming....I truely do not deserve it.... not me... I truely dont....

And Im sure there are some that are reading this and thinking what a fake, what a pathetic person...... and that to is ok..... cos this week has shown me who and what really matters.... and some dont even come close to knowing how my mind or soul works, cos some of you just have me wrong, so very wrong......

I need to especially fank ((Bob)) I dont think you will fully realise what that phone call did for me...... and ((pixie and woodsong)).... and (((Wendy, Susan and Toadies))...((Peanut)) Im so very very sorry, I do love you.... ((Coral))... ((Ol lady - jebus if only you knew how special that phone call was))....((Cis)) - and dear dear (((((((Starr))))))) for continuing to nudge me back into life - and everyone that commented on me blob.... ya all very special....



Maybe later in the week I will have the engery to share me mind and WTF just happened LMFAO....... I only just shared a huge fear with people that I love last night..... lets see what tomorrow brings.....

I will probably come back and delete this Twaddle when Ive had time to think about it proper, cos Im sure it sounds all jumbled and finger pointy and daft..... please whomever might read things into words typed..... please know, I would never intentionally upset or hurt you... this media is so very very hard to work with......

I know I will NEVER find meself in this place ever again.... cos those energy saving lightbulbs aint all that bright in a dark room..... Ive learnt so much about life and people and most importantly about meself this week.....

OXO

ps...... I will also try over the coming days to reply to ALL the comments on the previous blob post..... and all those many emails that I just couldnt reply to over the past few days... it was not that I was ignoring ya, it was just I couldnt understand meself let alone explain things.....

AND MrPert WINS the prize for being the 100th post LMFAO...... your prize is the 36 staples that I saved from me operation lmfao..... :) fireworks horns hoots and whistles for the prize winner lol....

Life Aye......It Wasn't All It Was Cracked Up To Be ......

OXO

Last Installment - Done And Dusted - Part IV

Ok........... Not such good news at the hospital today, trying to keep me head above water here, trying to deal with this as best I can and keep sane, and a heart wrenching email from a dear friend today, soemone that I hold dear in my heart and havent heard from for a while - its been a very very difficult day...... Back to hospital tomorrow, told to take a bag in with me with 'stuff' just incase......... to say Ive now had enough is such an understatement, maybe time now to bail out....there is only so much ones heart and soul can endure....

anyways...

Those that know me, know how very private I actually am, so sharing so many snippets of meself this past year with so many people has been a tad strange...not the daft stories of me life, but the little private bits........and at times a little unsettling to open up so much, ya see, Im usually 'well ard' and Ive opened up way to much of meself to certain people, and now its come and bit me on me fat arse....

But, I need to put up the conclusion of me hospital trip, LOL@trip.... sometimes I crease meself up.... just need to finish this round so me lads get a complete picture when I am no longer around.......

Right then, rubbing me hands together, lets get it written..... lets get it done and dusted.....


After being expelled from one end of the ward, and then whisked back to theatre on the Saturdee night, the following day was sort of ok, the old dears were so lovely, and they well took the piss out of me cos the reading material I took in was NOT the norm LOL....... me chicken books for a start, also everytime I got a message on me mobile from one of me maties or one of me lads the message tone is very loud and its a COCKERAL sound lmfao....... it actually sounds like a real cockeral in the room, it so made them laff every morning a little after 6.30ish when me maties would start texting me.... they said my corner sounded like a farmyard.... They was also intrigued by me love of Ebay after I explained what it was and everytime someone put something down they would say, dont leave that there long or Mel will Ebay it.... daft sods lol



This was Margete that was opposite me, her oldest son won Master Chef off the telly a few years ago and owns a nice eating place in town and he would bring in wonderful scrummie chocolate cake and he would always bring me in a slice cos he said I made his mums days more bareable LOL.... well anything for a bit of well proper chocolate cake....

I am a right proper people watching person, and I love to just listen and observe people without saying much, I often get a feel for people within a very short while, and there were many characters down the end of the ward where I now found meself....

Take Hairflick.... well, thats not her real name, but she was a moaning whining german (and hairflick is what me and me matie Sharon names her, cos it sounds like a german name lol) she was well getting on me tits, she moaned about everything, about the food (which was actually lovely with 4 choices of dinner and puddings), about her op, she was a right up her own arse woman, and really looked down her nose at everyone around her, she was early 70s but looked nowhere near it, more like early 60s but jebus, she could moan for England...... so much so that Margrete, opposite me, would roll her eyes and pull the ajoining curtain across a little so she didnt have to look at her, and then she would make funny hand signals and faces to me across the ward, about hairflick..... we didnt like hairflick, one day she moaned about being taxed on all her 4 pensions which really got me goat and I so had to just make a little comment..... hey flick, I said, you should be grateful that you have 4 pensions to see you through old age, I bet some of these lovely little old ladies only have state pensions and would love to be in a position to have 4 pensions, I hope your making the most of the money and doing good in the world.... she didnt like me much, but then I aint easy likeable lol...... Im famous for sticking up for the underdog here in this village, Im famous for sticking me neck on the line and fighting for the rights of those that need a voice.... ok, so, some call me gobby, but I would NEVER see someone be taken advantage of and not voice an opinion LOL..... and I so dont think hairflick had come across someone that stood up to her before..... she was nothing but a bloody bully and that came across very clear in the following few days...... hence everytime I answered her nasty mean moaning comments with a little dry humour and wit with a serious side, margrete opposite and Audrey to the left and Carol to the side would all cheer LMFAO..... and dear old margrete would punch the air with her fist LMRSSO..... well, sorry but I just couldnt sit back and let this jumped up hairflick bully these old people, even the nurses would look at me and smile and wink LOL....

So a people watcher I be......... take Audrey for instance....... Audrey had been in Haslar for 3 weeks already, her op had not gone according to plan and her swelling just wouldnt go down and on the Monday they were going to take her back into theatre in the afternoon, so she was starved of food and drink all day and when they wheeled her bed out, I thought to cheer her up I would sing.....'Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye' which had her in fits of laughter cos the porters began to sing it to lol and she waved as she was wheeled off.....

Well Audrey was back in just over an hour, looking pale and frightened, I knew how she felt having been whisked back to theatre on the Saturdee evening...... they wheeled her bed back into position and I thought something was not right, she was sitting up and I could see she was on the verge of tears....... I noticed hairflick was staring and before she could say anything I said...... oye hairflick, just leave her be..... the nurses were busy and didnt notice that Audrey had tears flowing down her little old wrinkled face.... but I did, I noticed..... she just looked across at me and burst into floods.... so I put me dressing gown on and gathered up me IV drips and me blood drain over me arm and grabbed me walking frame and hobbled across to Audreys bed and plonked meself down on the chair by her bedside...... sigh........ she just looked at me and sobbed and sobbed, I took her hand and let her cry until she was spent, she said they took her to theatre but couldnt do the op today cos of a heart problem and she had to wait 4 more days until certain meds kicked in, but they knew that before she went down, so why did they have to starve her and put her though that only to realise once down in theatre... I let her spill it all out, all the time holding her hand and looking her in the eye.... bless this dear little old lady, she was so scared and frightened and now hungry and thirsty..... I asked the nurse if they could go check in the fridge at the end of the ward cos I didnt want me sarnies at lunchtime and see if they was still there so that Audrey could at least have something to eat and drink.... which they did..... anyways....... whilst I was sitting there the 'main man doctor' came to see Audrey to explain that they need to draw some blood to test again......... so I said I would leave them to it and Audrey squeezed me hand so hard and asked if I could stay, to which the doctor said, sure, if thats what ya want, so he drew the curtains around the bed and poked her veins in her arms with no success.....and ya know what Im like, so I says, have ya tried the vein in her ankle cos Audrey was a druggie back in the 20s and she would often shoot up in the ankle vein.... which I said with a dead straight face....he smiled and then looked at Audrey and she said, Mels correct LMFAO..... he then said, I cant get a vein so I will have to try the vein in your groin.... oh my.... oh my..... I turned to Audrey and asked if she wanted me to leave.... she said, please dont..... so I sat there as this drop dead gorgeous black handsome doctor tried the vein in 85 year old Audrey's groin, and as he was drawing the blood I says......... now Audrey I bet its been a few years since ya've had anyone fiddle about down there in ya groin area near ya landing flaps........ to which she laffed so much the bottom set of teeth slipped out and the Doctor shook with laughter.... it was the first time that Audrey had laffed or smiled all day..... she laffed and laffed and laffed, and the doctor turned to me and just said....... fank you, you know that laughter is the best medicine and I think you have done more for Audrey today then any tables or medicine I could of prescribed....... sigh..... maybe Im in the wrong job lol

Monday Evening I was gagging for a shower, there is only so many washes with babywipes one can do, jebus I so needed to wash me hair and stand under proper running water....... so I had a plan.....



This is the leg I had to drag to the bathroom and try and keep dry LOL.....

I gathered up me wash stuff and hang it with me big towel over me walking frame, took down me IV thingie and me blood drain and made my way to the bathroom at the end of the ward...... the nurse said, where ya going, the loos and sinks were the other end, so I says, I know there is a huge bathroom the other end with a huge old victorian bath in that I could lean over and wash me hair...... ok she said, just be careful and DONT get ya bandages wet and DONT drop ya IVs or ya drain and DONT fall and if ya need help then pull the red cord...... yep I had a plan lol....yeah see, there was this HUGE old fashioned dated bathroom with this HUGE old bath in the centre of the room with a hoist chair, it looked like something out of a mental institute, remember this hospital was over 200 years old and some of the old stuff was still there lol........ jebus this bathroom was creepy.... but I so had a plan.... there was also a shower in the corner of the room.... which I planned to suss out........ so I washed me hair over the bath and then thought how nice it would be to sit under a shower and have a proper wash...... so..... LMFAO...... I put me thinking cap on and realised it was possible lmfao.... I dragged a chair over to the shower and put it IN the shower..... and I plonked meself down on it lol..... I then hung all me drips and stuff on the shower rail LMFAO..... and thought it I stuck me leg out of the shower then it wouldnt get wet.. right?.... laffing typing this...... so I reached back and turned on the water with me showergel in me hand all ready to have a quick shower, me leg wouldnt get wet cos I was sitting on a chair with me leg stuck out of the shower curtain ....... WRONG lol......oh my it was just so funny, sitting there under the shower with me face upturned into the water, it felt soooooo good.... I was beginning to feel soooooo clean...... I must of sat there for a good 10-15 minutes LOL.... but when I looked up the water had run down me body and down me leg that was sticking out of the shower and had flooded the whole of the tiled bathroom LMFAO..... this bathroom was about 20 foot square and was now under about 2 inches of water LOL..... holy shit...... I carefully stood up, well scared not that I would slip and got dried as best I could whilst standing on one leg cos no weight baring on me dodgy leg and whilst standing in 2 inches of water...... the IV got pulled out me hand as I tried to mop up some of the water with some paper towels all the time saying shit shit shit shit over and over to meself like some demented fool......

Someone knocked on the door and asked if I was ok to which I said YEP FINE.... to which they said then why is there water pouring out from under the door into the hallway and down the stairs LMFAO........ oh jebus..... they had to go and get the key to open the door cos I couldnt hobble through the water to open the door incase I slipped LMFAO........it was like a clip out of the film 'One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest' ...... the young nurse so did laff, luckiely she was the little Asian nurse that I reckonised from a few years back and she just looked at me and laffed and laffed with a concerned look on her face.......first she asked if I was ok, and then WHAT THE HELL WAS YA THINKING trying to have a shower....... I asked her not to say anything to the others.... and she just kept shaking her head and muttering things like 'only you Mel' and 'Why does this not surprise me' all in her lovely little asian accent..... so I looked at here and said....... please dont dob me in and 'I will love you long time' LMFAO (I had heard that saying on a film about Tye Brides lol) and then we both just creased up laffing so hard and she made me sit on the wet chair whilst she found a mop and bucket and it took 30 minutes to sort out the bathroom LOL BUT, at least I felt clean for the first time in almost a week......



The little asian nurse had to take off all the dressings and sort me out LOL.....



She also decided to take the drain out, which they think on reflection was a mistake hence so much swelling and stuff now.....

I didnt eat an aweful lot whilst in hospital, not that the foods was not nice cos the little I did eat it was scrummie, I just didnt feel up to eating, maybe it was the drugs I dont know....... but one day cos I hadnt eaten for a day I thought I just fancied a jacket potatoe for me dinner one evening, so thats what I ordered....... oh my...... when the dinner trolley came round I opened the silver domed lid on me plate expecting a bowl with a lovely crispy jacket potatoes with a nice blob of butter to mash in the spud....... I must of laffed to loud in a weird sort of way cos a doctor came running over to me bed as if I was on fire LMFAO......



You will see why he was laffing so hard in the next picture and explanation lol

I plonked the silver lid back down whilst laffing and saying, its a fish, its a bloody fish, I didnt order a fish, but they have sent me a bloody laffing fish...... the doctor bloke looked puzzled, I didnt think fish was on the menu tonight me said.... well they have sent me a laffing fish I said..... just you look..... so he lifted the silver lid and looked on the plate and then looked at me and said..... you really have lost your marbles, what are you on about, a fish?..... its a fish I say, he laffs and says, no Mel its a jacket potatoe LMFAO........



Now if that dont look like a laffing puffer fish then slap my thigh and call me Arthur.... and when I turned the fish/potatoe around and pointed out the features of the eyes and the smiley mouth that is when he laffed and laffed and I grabbed me camera and took the above photo of him LMFAO...... he wandered back to his desk shaking he head and muttering something under his breath LOL

There are so many other stories from the following days that I stayed in hospital.... but I would just ramble on and on for pages and pages and bore everyone to tears.......

Like the story about when they took me down for Xrays or the story of the missing flowers LOL...... or the story of how I had to learn to inject meself in the tummy everyday for a fortnight, starting with a few days in hospital only to find that there was something in the injection that had pork product in it which of course Im very allergic to LOL.....

But I will wrap this up now..... me matie Wendy came to pick me up on the Thursday, and oh my, it was just the funniest, cos I had no bend in me leg and trying to get me in her car with 2 of her kids was just the funniest thing ever, and now matter how hard they pushed and the doctor shoved they couldnt get me in LMFAO.... I ended up laying on the back seat of her car with me leg stuck straight out between the front 2 seats on top of the handbreak LOL...... I was glad to be going home, if not a little scared cos I knew that I was no me own then, with no one to really fall back on...... drugged up to the hills with a list of WHAT NOT TO DO's and an appointment card......

That was 5 weeks ago, and things have so not gone well...... but somehow I will get through this....... if not, there is always the option of a short rope and directions to a tall tree, and that at this moment in time looks like a pretty good option.......

So I dont know where I will be in he coming days, next week is school break, it was school break 5 weeks ago when I was in hospital, all those weeks and no step nearer running around...... its frustrating and depressing....... and next week most of me maties will be away camping or on holiday for the half term break, so I aint told them that I might be back in hospital, so again I will have to face whatever happens this time completely on me own......

But, first I want to fank everyone for your good thoughts and wishes whilst Ive gone through the mill...... and those that sent me a card or a letter or an email, that made me smile and laff and dragged me out of my pit of dispair, then I thank you from me soul, and for the few little parcels that I have received, from people that barely know me.... fank you..... ya see, just a kind word or a simple card to someone that feels scared and alone, can make such a difference to their day.... so I fank you all from the bottom of me heart..... Susan especially........ and Jolie.... you know, what Im talking about.....

Its just those little simple gestures that makes such a difference..... well to me they have....... whilst trying to cope with a few upsets from those that I love and have other things on their minds....

See what I mean, just ramblings of a mad crazy scared old crimple woman.....

Twaddling out......... oxo

What Are You Like With That Camera - Part III

Ok.........Things are still very much up in the air here, Im very scared as to what is going to happen and how things are going to turn out, I cant be a crimple, not now in life when its suppose to be 'my time' after struggling raising me lads on me own for all these years..... but...hospital 3 times last week plus once with my Sam cos he broke his Shoulder Blade and tore the ligaments the week before - So I need to shove this post up to make the story almost complete, and to keep me a little sane..... its been a difficult weekend and at times I thought I was loosing the plot of life and found meself spiralling down into a depressed state and so very very tearful and frightened and lonely.......so I thought I would sit here for a bit and write.....so me lads one day will have a complete picture of this time in me life....

Soooooooo........after me op I slept for much of the rest of the day, awaking about teatime, but not really up to eating......ya know... no eating equals NO BEDPANS lol well thats how I see it in my daft head....

I did find I was fitted with a new toy though, it was a morphine machine where I had a button to control me own drugs..... wooooo hoooooooo except ya could only have a top up every 6 minutes.... dam and bugger...... oh how I loved those few morphine drugged up 'away with the fairy' days lol - when off the morphine drip thingie and when the drug trolley use to come round and they would ask if I wanted any painkillers...... hell yes I would say, and if no one wants theirs then Im open to taking them off their hands as well....cos I could get a good price on the street corner for them..... but alas they would not let me do that......but it did make them smile..... everyone else seemed so quiet compared to me lol



This was the drug trolley round...... it was strange, cos over the course of the 8 days of me being in hospital there was some familiar faces of the staff from when I was in 4-5 years ago having me other knee's ligaments replaced..... so that in itself was a little comforting seeing as how on the inside I was still very frightened....but the strangest thing of all was that they remembered me, and remembered me name LOL I mean, how many hundreds of people have they seen over the past 4-5 years yet they still remembered me LOL

when I looked around, the little old 'dead looking' people didnt look so scarey as they had yesterday..... maybe it was in the light of another day or maybe its cos they were sitting up and talking..... the old dear next to me was actually really lovely, she was called Anne and the little lady opposite was named Edna, and they was well chatty, and me being in a bit of a drugged up state was me normal loonie self.... and as I looked to the left there was the other woman that looked like she was in her 50s and she waved at me and said her name of Lynn...... so I smiled but me mind was saying....... gawds sake ladies, this aint no knitting circle we are at, or club for the elderly, we so aint gonna be visiting each other once we leave, but I smiled and chatted and they for some reason seemed to like me...... I get on well with little old people, I think cos, believe it or not I have the patience of a saint and time to listen, and I actually really do find some old people very interesting and very willing to talk to me about the good old days.....

Getting to sleep was hard that night, again the noises but added with the pain and sleeping on me back I dont like..... but I couldnt get out of bed for I had no choice but to put up and shut up lol.....

Friday was a strange day, I seemed to sleep most of it away, until after teatime (which again I just couldnt eat)...... so, drugged up and with no pain I was right proper chatty, ya know, sometimes ya just have to make the most of the place ya in, and the old dears were actually nice, so I was saying that maybe the ones that were able to walk could maybe drag us bedbound ones out down to the Seafront (Haslar is right on the harbour side) and push our beds onto the Gosport Ferry over to Portsmouth and we could go clubbing........ well I think I must of stirred memories for some of them cos within minutes the noise level seemed to get real high and they was laffing and joking and sort of in a make believe world of their own LOL and I was stirring a little more lol.... THEN........ dam and bugger....I was laffing so much that for the first time since me op I NEEDED A WEE.... oh dam, oh bugger, NOOOooooooo this cant be happening...... Edna asked me what was up and I said, dam I need a wee and it was okay for them cos they all had 'Auntie Morris's (then I had to explain AGAIN what Auntie Morris was)...and they laffed even harder lol....

Well ya see, the problem was that the 'nursie' person that was on Friday evening was actually a chappie called 'A' and he was 22 and oh so funny and use to be a drug taker and was full of tattooes and had turned his life around and was training to be a paramedic, and was just so very funny and swore like a trooper but was just 'normal' BUT.... there was no way on this earth I was gonna let him see me landing flaps on no bedpan.......... BUT bloody gobby Edna was laffing and calling him and he was laffing and I SAID NO WAY.... he said Mel you have no choice you aint allowed out of bed....... I said..... get me a frame and I will manage, which he laffed hysterically at me and called me stubborn..... SO I HAD A PLAN....... I asked him to get me one of those chair loos LMFAO.... ya know like the Queen probably used, I said if he got me one of those I could somehow get out of bed and use that...... he was laffing and said there is no way I would be able to do that cos I WAS NOT ALLOWED out of bed.....just get me it I said and pull the curtains around and get me a newspaper to read and I will be fine.......

Christ, how I got out of bed I will never know, with me strapped up leg and me drains dangling on the floor, and drugged up to the heavens, I was laffing and ouching and everyone kept asking if I was ok and I said IM FINE just leave me be, Im reading me paper lmfao....... it was funny, it did break the quietness and stirred up these little old ladies even more into a frenzy lol and when I actually managed to do a tiny wee after about 30 minutes, I sang....... Land Of Hope and Glory (which is a famous british hymn).... so for the next hour we laffed and giggled and the nurses at the station had to keep coming down our end to tell everyone to be quiet..... but a couple did come over to me and whisper 'what have you done to put a spark back into these people'.....

The only thing is........ they expelled me and Lynn from that end of the ward HAHAHAHAHAHA..... during the night they moved our beds down to the other end of the ward LMFAO...... I awoke to find meself amongst different old people...... they said it was to even up the numbers down one end of the ward, but I think it was cos I/we (me and Lynn) nearly caused a riot LMFAO.....and some were on the verge of having a heart attack......

So Margrete opposite me said...... Oh Im so glad they threw you out from that end, we could hear all the noise last night and the laffing and we wanted some of the action lmfao and now here you are down our end..... bloody hell..... I was NOT the paid entertainment ya know....

During Saturday, I was very quiet, not cos of being moved just cos I didnt feel to good, and as the day progressed I got sicker and sicker and by mid afternoon I was wellabit poorly, with such a fever and shaking and feeling cold and just feeling 'out of it'...... so they called for 'Captain Wills'...... now if only I was in a right state of mind...... Captain Wills was the Doctor that was called up from the army ward cos I was so very poorly, and they was a little concerned as to me well being........



Here he is in all his 'Mmmmmmmmmm drop dead gorgeousness' LOL.... so for the next couple of hours he monitored me and everyone was jealous cos he was so lovely and dashing and spoke right proper queens english and was a Captain to boot LOL.....he listened to me heart with his red stethescope (which he left on me table and which I now have here at home as a sovenier lol - ok ok so it accidently fell into me wash bag) - and by early evening when I was past caring a decision was made to whisk me back into theatre and have a scrape around and removed any yuckyness that might of been causing infection and a fever...... so they removed the first 7 inches of staples and had a fiddle around and put me in a tiny little side room for the rest of the night on me own but with a one to one nurse..... why does nuffin ever just go 'normal' with me...... gawds sake.......

Again I lost to much blood in theatre and here is 'A' finding it very funny giving me a top up........



'A' did laff and say..... you and that dam camera, you are well poorly yet still you have ya camera going lmfao....

Do you know they use ya own blood from the drain from ya knee to top up ya blood supply....well first they do and then I needed a top up with someone elses lol - see a right bloody little bleeder I am....

Ok, enough boring Twaddling rubbish for a Monday, Ive got an appointment at the hospital........ except for me hospital appointments, I aint been out the house but once since coming home from hospital, aint very mobile, and its scarey, and Im becoming very isolated and a bit of a hermit now and not wanting to really see anyone....or talk to anyone,,... sigh..... what a pickle aye.... what a dam bloody pickle I find meself in.........

No hand to hold here, no encouraging words...... and its those little things that gives one spirit and hope.... neither of which I have at the moment...

One last little post to come and thats it, done and dusted and written for me lads to read once Im dead and gone...lol

x

Bloody Little Bleeder..... Part II

Ok.......... so I stayed in the telly room the night before me op til gone 2am in the morning, and when exhaustion finally crept up on me I tiptoed down the ward to Bed Number 3..... the dimmed centre lights were so low, it was all I could do to find the right bed lol...... I quickly undressed and climbed into bed, jebus those pillows were hard...... ya see, I have this one feather pillow at home that Ive had for years and years, I love it, its all snuggly and soft and old and it smells of home, but here I had 3 hard hospital pillows, but ya know, at least I had me blankie with me, I knew tonight was the last night for a while that I would be able to sleep curled up on me side with me knees all bent and in that lovely safe curled position......

But sleep I most certainly did not lol...... let me explain...... sleeping in a ward with 23 other patients, all of them elderly bar one woman that I had spied earlier, she must of been in her 50s.... anyways, the moans and groans of elderly people when they sleep is enough to waken the dead, added to that, the noise of the foot pump machines that every patient had fitted and working with the constant WHOOOOSH and WHEEEESH as they pumped and deflated to keep the circulation going in those frail bodies.... added to that the nurses at the centre station pushing the obs machine from bed to bed, with the blood pressure monitor beeping and the buzzers buzzing cos someone needed a bedpan, that coupled with the chit chat noise of the nurses chatting...... there are things I learnt about their private lives that night I could write a book about lol.....

So, sleep didnt come, I tried laying on me side and putting one of the pillows over me head to cover me ears just trying to block out the noises of the crypt, but a nurse walked by and ran and grabbed the pillow off me, startling me so much that I jumped to a sitting position which startled her so much that she screamed LMFAO...... I think she must of thought I was trying to do away with meself ..... we both ended up laffing so hard that patients started putting on side lights to see what the commotion was about.....

I even tried sleeping with me head pressed into the pillow and a finger jammed in the exposed ear, only to find I made me ear bleed lmfao.....so much so that the nurse had to come and change me pillowcase lol..... more laffing.... more side lights..... no more sleep....

When 6 o'clock dawned and the centre lights were switched on fully with rumbling sounds of a tea trolley, I just pulled the covers over me head cos I had thought I had died and gone to hell..... 'Tea love' someone said.... no fanks I mumbled, cant you read me sign, it says NIL BY MOUTH..... oh my, my mistake she said, and I heard the trolley trundle off to the next bed....

Ok, a nurse said, you are second on the list this morning so you dont have to rush to have a shower, you will go down about 10ish....... oh whoopee do, time to have a shower and wash all be bits that might be exposed under theatre lights lol.....

9.30 came and I was given one of those bum flapping hospital gowns, very sexy with me big bum hanging out the back lol.... any jewellery the nurse asked..... well I said me bangles wont come off cos they have been on for over 20 years and I had to dislocate me thumbs to get them on, so they so aint coming off.... thats ok she said, we will tape them up, as they did with me top ear ring that we just couldnt get out....... anymore she asked..... oh, what about me 'down there piercing' I said with a giggle........ oh my she said that will soooooo have to come out....... JUST A JOKE I replied.. ok, she said now I dont believe you...... honest I said I dont really have a 'down there piercing'.... well she said, if you do and you dont take it out and the equipment shorts then your 'down there' is going to be in for quite a shock.... she said giggling........ thats ok I said, it will awaken me landing flaps, cos its been a while since the eagle has landed....... ok that sent her for some reason into fits of giggles lol.....

Me Surgeon came round to see me with both the 'gas chamber' blokes, I had to sign those forms that say if ya die during the operation then its not fault of the hospitals etc and that ya cant sue........ like, if ya dead ya can sue anyways lol..... I signed and he said 'we'll see you in 15 at the party. come dressed for the occasion'.... I am I said, I have on me HUGE hospital soul food knickers and me bum flapper gown, you had better get ready to dance your socks off...... oh I think Im gonna enjoy this one he said........ what the hell does that mean lol....

Just before they wheeled me down to theatre I had the good sense to grab me camera and hide it under the covers.....

When we got into theatre, I was prepped in the little side room with that thingie in ya hand, well after the third attempt at getting the needle in that is.... I asked the gas chamber bloke (the army one) if he had done this before, or if he had just wandered in off the streets, which started him giggling and me fearing for me life lol and yep.....I asked him if he wanted me to wiggle around like in front line war conditions if it would make it easier lol..... blood gushing out everywhere and I was only in the side room LOL



This was his third attempt at finding a vein..... bloody amatures lol

He said I was a bit of a bleeder, to which I said, well me father use to call me that as a child only it was in a raised voice and it was more like 'you bloody little bleeder'.......

So, the IV thingie in place we went through into the operating theatre where I was swamped with a sea of 7 or 8 faces..... wow, I thought this was just a simple quickie thingie - loads of equipment, I even spied a drill like we have at home under the sink.... I wonder if they got it on offer like I did....lol - see how my brain dashes around....

I had decided to stay awake for this op, so that I could make sure that I didnt die and that they knew what they were doing..... so I had to sit on the edge of the operating table and arch me back so that the gas chamber bloke could find the right gap in me spine to shove in the needle to nerve block me...... so the NICE gas man said, cold spray Mel then hold real still ok.... to which I said...... fank goodness its you doing me spine block and not the skinny bummed army bloke with no sense of humour that cocked up me IV....... with that all 7 of the people in the room started to laff and over me shoulder I heard a whisper...... oh you mean me :)...... bloody hell, talk about putting ya foot in ya mouth LMFAO.... he did laff though.... ok lets get this show on the road...... with the nerve block ya have to also have a bit of sedation, ya can have fully that just makes ya sleep without knocking ya out, or ya can have a little that makes it feel like ya've had a couple of glasses of wine.... but ya still awake and aware of stuff going on, but unlike when ya have those couple of glasses of wine, ya dont dance on the tables lol

WAIT WAIT I said before he pumped me full of gin and orange...... Ive bought me camera can someone please please take some photos for me...... for me blob..... please, I promise to be good lol....... Mr Dalton me Surgeon said 'well if that aint a first, and for the dam cheek of it, I'll allow it' and he handed me camera to one of the theatre nurses.....with, why on earth you want pictures of whats gonna happen is beyond me........ he just didnt understand.... lol

WAIT WAIT I said, I just need to ask something....... Im going to be awake right...... yes gas man said......... Im not going to be able to feel the actual op right but I will feel my body move as ya tug and hear the drills and things right...... yes gas man said....... ok I said, but what if things go wrong and Im awake...... they wont, the gas man said........ ok, I said, but promise me one thing....ok, he said, you name it........ if things goes wrong I dont wanna hear..... SHIT WE HAVE A BLEEDER HERE...or.... WE'RE LOSING HER.... or.... STAND CLEAR...... or LET HER GO DO NOT RESUSS..... I was being serious as I looked at the gas man...... please I said, I dont wanna hear that.... he patted my arm and said Mel, at the first sign of trouble I will 'do me stuff' and I will knock you right out of it, so you will not hear a thing, I promise, I aint lost anyone yet.... huge smile on his face....... ok...... I feel safe, I said..... you may continue.... and for some reason that made him LAFF OUT LOUD lol

Any last requests he said........ ok I said, just a few....... first of all dont feed me pork sarnies during this op cos Im allergic to pork.... done he said....... second.... please please please dont give an an Auntie Morris, please, I promise I will NOT wet me bed, please I so dont wanna Auntie Morris (I then had to explain what that was LMFAO)...... ok, done he said....... oh, and I dont do pink, so no pink blankets...... this made him laff.... ok, done he said..... oh and I dont do bedpans...... ok he said, we wont make you wear one as a hat...... Mel, are you quite finished....... yep I said...... go do ya stuff LOL

Ok, here goes.....no wonder one is a tad uncomfortable after ........... I hope ya not just gonna be tucking into ya dinner lol - these were taken on my little digita camera that I take everywhere with me......



The first cut is the deepest........ now, aint that a song....



Ok, maybe the second one is lol..........

Just before the surgeon started he said.... ok Mel (I couldnt see anything cos I was behind a blue sheet thingie).... just making the first cut......... I waited a couple of seconds and then went ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh, the gas man looked at me all concerned..... please tell me you didnt feel that........ nope I said, just keeping ya on ya toes lol......



Doesnt this one look like a jacket potatoe with a knob of butter lol..... thats actually me kneecap lmfao



This was some cutting tool thingie....



See how wide they stretch the skin on ya leg.....



Nice drill LOL



He did comment that I actually did bleed ALOT....... but alas it was not blue blood.... dang, there goes me dreams of being royalty.... now me only hope of being a princess is for a knight in shining armour to come into me life LOL....



It was weird laying there chatting to the 2 gas men, and hearing the conversation of the surgeons and hearing the noise of the drills and the hammer thingie and the cutter thing that cut the end of me femur off in a dovetail shape like in a good old antique chest of drawers..... and feeling me body move as they pushed and shoved and lifted me leg........... 2 1/2 hours seemed to fly by...... I only found out a little later that Mr Gas Man sedated me a little more towards the end which made me real sleepy cos it was a mixture of morphine which would help with the pain when back on the ward....... and it was NOT cos I didnt stop talking lmfao......



BBQ spare ribs anyone??........ actually these are all the bits of me femur and me tibia that they cut off..... It surprised me just how much they cut off....

And it was not until the next day when I was clicking through the photos on me camera that I was told what this picture was...... if I had realised at the time, I would of asked for some of the bits of bone to put with me skull and bone collection...... but by the time I realised, it was all to late.....

So..... 2 1/2 hours latter...... cut, drilled, hammered, laffs, and with much blood loss, I found meself in a special little room called recovery room..... and guess what the bastards had done......... GO ON, BLOODY GUESS........



Oh they thought it would be real funny to give me a PINK blanket LOL........ oh no, please, I thought to meself, no Auntie Morris, I reached to the side of the bed looking for a bag hanging from the end of the bed........ gas man saw me and must smiled and said........ its ok Mel, I promised ya NO Auntie Morris........ bless that man LMFAO

I did bleed way to much and had to have loads of extra blood to top me upThey refussed to slip in a couple of vodkas so that it was a bloody mary, dam spoil sports lol....

Sometimes I wish I was quiet and normal and didnt talk to much lol..... but I dont know how to be anyone but me.... not in any situation...... no matter how scared I am LMFAO

I remember being wheeled back to slot number 3 in the ward, it must of been visiting time cos the ward was packed and so NOISEY, and the bed next to me sort of was overflowing with visitors into my space and staring at me...... when the nurse came to settle me in..... I asked if the curtains could be pulled cos I felt like a freak show with so many people and so much noise...... its not usual policy she said..... but I will she said........ and with that I was out of it till the evening.... I slept the whole day away.....

Lets see what the morrow would bring........

Hope the photos didnt gross ya out to much....

Ok, to much Twaddle for anyone to of read........ but its more just an account for me lads then anyone else, so that oneday they might read me stuff like a diary..... I bet if they do, they will think Im crazy lol....

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