It All Started With A Dead Badger...... Gross Content....

Ok...........Me apologies NOW for this post, and if you are squimish you should read no more....... But you have to understand that me and me maties have real SICK senses of humour...and we can not change the people we are, I know I cant anyways...... we can laff at the most on the edge things that others would look in horror at.......... we can laff at the most aweful things...... because without laughter in life, how can one recharge ones batteries.........

So, yesterday. I picked me matie Sharon up (cos I have the 8 seater car) and we headed out toward Wickham to this well posh garden centre..... we both needed some 'mud' as she calls it...... gawds I mix with such peasents lol.... and just wanted to get out, and this Garsons Garden Centre is great, but so very expensive, cos it has not only a huge plant section but an aquactic place and a place with bunnys and rats and guinea pigs and things, so its great also for the little ones.........

So many things about yesterday seemed to have a link to each other, it was real strange.......

So, I pick her up and we have to go bunkers hill way and through what we call 'the back Dead Badger lanes'....... different lanes to the other ones and this is a bit further out........ well over the past year, everytime we have driven this particular lane/road, and Ive been with me matie Sharon......... we are GUARANTEED to see a badger..... a DEAD badger at the side of the road......... almost every time......... but ya see, its well strange..... cos badgers aint that common, and its very rare to see one at all......so we always think, how come we always see so many of the creatures dead...... and only ever on this same road, nowhere else............but we have this theory, well I do, she just laffs at me about it and says Im mental........ ya see...... I really think its the same badger...... and someone during the night over the weeks, carts it around and leaves it at a different part of the lane....... sometimes its up near Firgrove cottages and sometimes in on the bend that leads to Boarhunt..... I so believe that we have these 'badger dragger arounders' that sneak out in the night and move the badger around, just to mess with our head........... me matie said yesterday as we discussed this issue yet again.... that by now the badger would be decayed so it CANT be the same badger.......but Im not so sure........ it was spookie for a time though cos a few weeks ago when I was dropping something off at Sharons one evening, as we looked out the front window just as it was getting dark, a bloody badger walked by LMFAO........ omg omg...... I looked at sharon who looked at mark who looked at me....... quick mark said (he was being mean) go ask where its going at this time of night.......... so I just reply....... dont be stupid mark, its going to the bus stop to catch the 45A back into town ......... OK ya just had to be there.......

So where this story is leading....... well, yesterday while driving down the back lane towards Boarhunt, I mentioned that me doodle maties seem to like the pictures of our world, and I also said that I had seen this heron out near worlds end last week......... so she said....... they have different wildlife to us, so lets see if we can spot anything and take pictures of our British wildlife....... ok I said, even if its a dead badger........ jebus we was laffing.........

Its a sign ya know, cos when we got to this garden centre..... which by the way is so expensive we only buy a few things but take LOADS of cuttings *wink wink say no more*....... there standing next to the door was this...............



Im sure its a sign..... I looked at me matie and she looked at me and we both said.... a bloody heron and burst out laffing......... it was this plastic most aweful tackie thing ever lol.....and if someone bought this for their garden they needed to be shot.....

So we put some plants in our trolley...... which had 2 nippers in it and one in a buggy and 2 walking..... we had somehow lifted, with much laffing cos they was well heavy, 2 bags of 'mud' and 4 'growbags' in and under the trolley, had a bag full of cuttings and then thought it would be nice to finish by having a butchers around the inside part with the gifts etc and then go in the farm shop and buy something nice for lunch...... so envisage the scene..... we balanced Charlie on the bags of mud cos he had wandered off and we had lost him, only to find him climbing in with the rabbits - but thats another story - we push this loaded trolley with kids and plants and mud and a buggy through the gift section, where Sharon, who was pushing the trolley and needs learner plates, sort of brushed past this shelf full of these expensive glass vase things and the corner of one of the bags of mud clipped the shelf which came crashing down......... LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG OMG ....... I was creased up laffing so hard, her face was so funny......... shit, shit, shit she is saying....... this bloke and his wife was giggling, so I says, I dont know what your laffing at, giggling meself, but we are gonna say you did it LMFAO........ it was just so funny, the crash was so loud that 2 members of staff came running..... we all just stood there...... I was pointing at this other couple while laffing and saying, they done it,and they was pointing at us while laffing and saying it was them....... just so funny....... I think ya needed to be there....... and then the woman at the check out had NO sense of humour.....so Im glad we nicked so many cuttings :)....... so Im a thief, sue me :) but remember I have Starr and Sharkie on me side lol

We load the car with much laffing, cos these huge bags of mud was well heavy for us to get in the car, and this couple of blokes was just standing there laffing instead of helping... tossers... :)

On the drive back I said, ok, lets look for British wildlife..... ok ok the chances of seeing anything but maybe a bunny in a field was slim lol

On the back Boarhunt road which is more a B road and not quite a lane, I put me foot down and Im speeding along when all of a sudden Sharon shouts....... WILDLIFE TO THE RIGHT........ me peering out the window cant seen nuffin in the field..... STOP she shouts..... drive on the wrong side of the road and I will take a picture and SLOW DOWN...... so I cross the middle lines and crawling along I spot what she sees....... NOW I did warn you we are sick...... and this is gross..... Im sorry........ British wildlife on the back Boarhunt road at is best.....



We think it might be a relative of Phylis, who was a pheasant that we run over last year...... I did say we are sick right? but we was laffing, and I had to swerve back to the right side cos there was a tractor heading straight towards us....... me matie said, there, your doodle friends will love our picture of wildlife :) sod them and their bears and mooses LMFAO...... the tears were rolling down me face.....

Off we head again and not 100 metres up the road I say......... wildlife to the left and I do an emergency stop and Sharon hangs out the window and takes this picture for you, you my special doodle friends :).........



We think this one is a rabbit..... cos it was to small to be a fox...... and it most certainly was not our badger cos we was on the wrong road.......

Sick, I tell ya...... I even commented that if me doodle maties were in the back of me car witnessing us, they would NOT be me maties no more.... they would cringe at the things we laff at........ but you see, this all sort of tied in with everything....... it was a sign......

Just before we had to turn off the Boarhunt Road onto the other back lane which we now call Dead Badger Lane for obvious reasons........ we both spot something big up ahead...... something really British........ well proper wildlife........ by now there are a queue of cars behind us so I indicate and stop so they can pass, and then slowly crawl forwards towards the wildlife, almost stalking, I didnt wanna scare it away......... as we passed it I almost gagged..... and Sharon screamed STOP STOP...... I said....... we cant....... she said..... we bloody well can...... so I stopped and she hands me the camera and says 'get out and take a picture'....get stuffed, I says, it stinks, I can smell it from here....gagging we both was.... so she leaps out the car laffing... LOL......... gawds sake....... she is gagging now to but as she said, it has to be shared lol......... so I give you....... our best find of the day............



Do you know, that over here, if you knock down a deer, you are NOT allowed to put it in your car and take it home....... but the next person that comes along is allowed........ aint that strange....... so if you are the one that hits it and kills it then you have to by law leave it by the side of the road...... and if someone else comes along and wants to take it home to eat they legally can......

We had a boot full of mud and the deer would not of fitted in me car......... IM JOKING there is no way I would of touched that little bambi....... I wanted to go bury it but me matie told me to 'get a bloody life'.........

So I apoligise if this post has grossed you out, Im sorry if you think me sense of humour is not normal or so different from many.......... Im sorry if I have now lost you as friends, commenters, or lurkers.........

I think ya just had to be there........... cos my sides ached so much for the rest of the day........ and if truth be told........ I needed it........ cos today I will not be smiling........

Hope I aint lost any of ya........ but if I ave, then........ does it look like Im bovvered, cos I am what I am....... gross..... sick...... daft....... but just me......

Way to much sick Twaddle for a hot Friday......... x