Jebus - She Would of Been Well Old.......

Ok....... this is just a tiny post....... ya can still comment on the previous one if ya wish, and no one will probably comment on this one, and thats fine, but I just need to get this out lol.......and knowing me I will delete the whole bloody stupid post lol....

Today 31st May would of been me mums birthday, if she had lived she would of been the ripe old age of 82..... Jebus thats well old......... my mum was a mean bitter wicked woman, everyone said so, except the tiny few friends she had, and they was very few, but when I close me eyes I can vaguely capture a few times when she had been nice....... I know people say, well ya only remember the bad bits..... but in this case its easier to remember the good bits LOL cos they was few and far between.......

She died in November 1999 of lung cancer, exactly 12 weeks after my father died also of cancer after being in Scotland to recupe from open heart surgery....so I lost both me parents AND my siblings all in one hit...... my siblings stopped me going to my fathers funeral, well, didnt stop me, just didnt tell me where it was gonna be, right up in Scotland...... so I said me goodbyes to him in a tiny chapel perched on the side of the cliffs in Cornwall..... ya see I rang all around Scotland where me sister lived to find out if they had a deceased bloke by the name of Reggie and if so what time was he gonna be 'done'....it dont matter where ya say goodbye, its whats in ya heart and soul that matter, not the fact that ya standing in a church or a cremation place..... I mean no despect with my words..... so if you are offended by them, then Im truely sorry........deeply I am....

But this is not about my father, this is about my mother....... ya see, she hated me, for as long as I can remember from a tiny child she/they hated me..... ya see, I was suppose to be the boy that replaced a twin that had died 2 years previous, my brother that is alive and 2 years older then me was a twin but my mother lost one at 5-6 months whilst pregnant........ and I was suppose to be the replacement......... but.......dah dahhhhhhh I was a girl LOL......... this aint bloody china ya know.... gawds sake.....they also had to move just after I was born, from the little house they loved to a well rough nasty council estate, cos there little house on the seashore was being purchased by the council to build a carpark.....in those days one had no choice, no arguement, if the council needed your land or house they they bought it...and I will add at a fraction of the cost....

But, do you know, that to this day the little plots of land where the little seafront wooden bungalows once stood has never been built on..... that must of been hard for my parents to stomach........ and last year, I went and climbed through the overgrown undergrowth and actually found the old concrete door step of the little house where I was born..... I knew where it was cos its right next to the seashore pub and sailing club that my father use to belong to, and the pub where as kids he would drag us all along so that he could still be with his maties...... I have taken me own kids to the pub on the shore at Milton Locks... and told them all about what their grandfather did as a young man...... I dont mean to me, I mean all the stories he would tell about his sailing days and everything, I would NEVER tell them anything but the times when my fathers eyes would light up with memories.....

How I survived childhood is beyond me..... stubborn, strong, knowing right from wrong, morals that somehow were in my head without ever being shown what morals were.....

Growing up and trying to be accepted I was a bit of a Tom Boy, I suppose I was trying to BE the boy they had wanted.... even had me hair cut at the barbers with me brother in the hope that maybe they would like me..... lol

I asked once that if they didnt love me could they maybe just like me for who I was......... WRONG WORDS lol...... couldnt sit down for about 2 weeks LOL but it was what it was.....

I do not hate either of them for all that went on..... I would just of loved a few answers thats all....

No doubt they had their reasons, and obviously deeper then the reasons Ive stated, reasons though, whatever they maybe, is NEVER a reason for abuse, to them they must of thought they was valid......oh well...

I cant as yet tell much about any of this....... but....... through all of everything...... I loved me mum to the day she died........she died with so many unanswered questions...... so many questions....... and my Auntie Jean will NOT speak to me about anything because..... after not being told where my father was being 'done' I decided that there was no point to going to my mums funeral..... I mean, she had not spoken to me for 3 years and had only seen my sons if I dropped them off at the corner of where she lived so that she didnt have to see my face ..... which after a year, I thought was bloody daft, it was either see us all or dont bother......so I sat in our village church at the time I knew that she was being cremated elsewhere........ my siblings never told me where they scattered either me father or me mother....... so I cant even asked them WHY...... maybe thats why I go and talk to me matie Tina.. ya know, the Tina from the RudeMan post a few back :)...

Non of this will make sense to anyone but me...... its all stacked high in me head........ its all stored...... its all clear....... every single thing......every story.... every beating...... every cruel act....... just now, there will never be answers......but like other things that have happened in life, I try not to dwell on it, or I would go bonkers lol..... it was what it was at the time that it was........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM.....

Anyways MrP, SilverValley and InlandEmpireGirl's mum is gonna adopt me, in exchange for a jar of marmite :) - wooooo hooooooo I get to hang with the crowd lol..... :)

Sorry....... just Twaddling a load of old bollocks........

On a lighter note.......

Did you know that also today May 31, in 1678 Coventry, England commemorates the naked ride of Lady Godiva through the town in a protest of taxes. Her husband, Leofric, was an earl and very involved in building projects. To get the money, he did what most politicians do--he raised taxes. Lady Godvia ( 990?--1067 ) felt pity for the people and nagged Leofric about his oppressive taxes. To shut her up, he promised to lower taxes if she rode naked through Coventry. His lovely wife accepted the challenge and went on her ride clothed only in her long hair. People were supposed to keep doors and windows shut and most did but Tom, the tailor, bored a hole in his shutters to sneak a peek. He became known as Peeping Tom but did pay for his curiosity when he was struck blind. He never forgot her beauty and talked about the charms of Lady Godiva to his dying day.

Ok I licked and sticked that last paragraph from 'The Scribbler's Pen's Blob' but he dont come here so wont know lol and what he dont know wont kill him :).....

I might go out tonight and find me a horse and ride bum naked around me village lol....... me hair is not quite shoulder length so I will have to cover up with combing me hairy armpits to hid my embarrassment LOL....or comb up me unshaved legs ;) - hey Im European lol...

ok....... this post might self destruct in 20 minutes....... or once Ive had me dinner, and at just gone 8pm Im bloody starving.....



Twaddle over........ x