Monday, 7 July 2008

I Laffed So Hard A Bit Of Wee Came Out.......

Ok..... A bit of a follow on as such from me precious post...... not about me lad Tom, but about how I said that me lads tend to tell me everything lol...... well, my Ben told me something that really should of maybe kept to himself lol that will learn me for offering to help him find what he was looking for... fank goodness we was all able to laff about it, humour is good.... its a must living in this house .....

Let me explain..... last Thursday evening about 11.30ish I was faffing around in the kitchen..... there was only me and Jacob in and he was just getting a drink before going to bed (yes I KNOW thats late but we was watching a film)....

Anyways, my Ben comes bursting in the back door at speed.... he had been up our local pub with his mates, it being Thursday and payday... so he was a little tipsy.... no drunk by any stretch of the imagination but he had had a tipple or two.....

He begain frantically looking for something, he was looking in his pockets of his coat that was hung in the front porch and I heard him say.... shit.. then he looked for whatever it was in the cupboard where he keeps his bits and bobs.... again I heard him say shit..... then he rushed up stairs and I heard him hunting around in Toms bedroom........ so I could contain meself no longer......

Me - Ben what ya looking for..

Ben - Nuffin mum..

Me - Well it must be sumfin cos ya hunting and rushing around like a lunatic..

Ben - Mum, its ok, you wouldnt wanna know..

Me - Well if ya told me what ya was looking for I might know where it is..

Ben - You really dont wanna know..

Me - Well I might of put whatever your looking for in a different place and that means I would know where it is..

Ben - Ya really wanna know..

Me - If it will stop ya charging around the house hunting then yes, I really wanna know...

Ben - *cough* have you seen me condoms.. (just like that.... just so matter of fact) lol

Me - Oh, well, there were two in your shorts pocket a few days ago which I took out ya pocket before I shoved them in the wash.....but I gave them to you whilst ya was on the computer the other night....

Ben - Yeah well I cant remember where I put them..

Me - (Now for the most stupid question I have ever asked) What ya want them for..

Ben - HaHaHa mum what do ya think, there is this bird up the pub and I NEED ME CONDOMS....

Me - Whats this then a new girlfriend (Ben has recently broken up with his slutty girlfriend, which I was estactic about :))..

Ben - Nope not a new girl friend just a friend..

Me - Oh like a one night stand, Ben, she must be real classy LOL....

Ben - Mum, sometimes a bloke just has to do what a bloke has to do, BUT I NEED me condoms cos there is no way Im donna do the business without one..

Me - I wish I hadnt of asked now..... anyways if you cant find them, then you will have to use one of the rubber latex gloves from the box on the stairs... (have to have them and use them when changing babies nappies - not that I do - hence a full box lol)..

Ben - WHAT? What? are you mad?

Me - Well they are latex as are condoms and they are stretchy as are condons and the fingers are all different lengths so just cut one off and use that..LMAO

Jacob - yeah, ya probably only need the little finger one LOL..

Ben - Laffing now...... the whole bloody glove wouldnt be big enough let alone just the fingers LMFAO..

Me - Of course it would be big enough, Ive seen someone put one over their head on the telly..

Ben - What? a condom or a rubber glove?

Me - A latex glove..

So with that we get the box of latex gloves off the bottom of the stairs and this is how we spent the next hour.... all thoughts of the trampie little trollope that needed seeing to went out of the window lol.... I wonder how long she waited for me lad to get back to her LMFAO..

This is Ben, I told him he was a pussy if thats as far as he could get it over his head lol

So he tried a bit harder LOL

We think Ben must have a big head cos this is the best he could do.....

Now, Jacob put his bigheaded brother to shame..... Jacobs attempt was amazing..... lmfao

This was his first attempt lol...this we called the cockeral look lmfao..

He realised if you put it all the way over ya head and held the bottom and just had ya mouth out the bottom to fill up ya lungs ya could blow it up whilst it was on ya head LMFAO

He blow it up so high that it burst on his head .... his head is inside the glove..

Jacobs french mime look :)

The famous Punch and Judy look - dont know if doodles have punch and judys..

Last but not least... the wonderful Chinky Take-away look......its so tight, its stretched his eyes upwards lmfao

Oh Jebus, I laffed so hard a bit of wee came out.......

Through all our struggles of late in this house, through all the pain and uncertainty... this house can still ring with the sound of laughter.....

Maybe ya just had to be here LOL

Enough Twaddling rubbish for a dark, wet, late Monday evening....


Knee Update - Got me consultant tomorrow (the main man) then me phyio Wednesday and then Thursday I have a meeting with me consultant(me surgeon) and me physio, to see whats what and whats the best way to proceed with what findings we find this week..... my bag is already packed..



Anonymous said...

you lot are all bloody bonkers LOL!!
i am just unwinding after finishing work, just sat here laughing me bloody head off now and probably woke the rest of the house up!
Hope all goes well with the knee appointments x

Charles Gramlich said...

Those pictures with the glove over the face are kind of freaky! ;)

Lisa said...

you guys crack me up! I bet I could stuff you in the shed with a roll of bubble wrap and you'd stay entertained for days! I could just throw some food in occasionally and listen to the cackling all day long!

And the apples didn't fall far from the tree, now did they??

And another thing... this doodle knows about Punch and Judy, but then, I'm older than dirt!!

laughingwolf said...

lol... good ol canuck comedian, howie mandel, did that a lot, when he had his show on american tv ;)

Mari Meehan said...

Man, when ever I need a good laff I know where to come! The rapport you have with your lads is inspirational! Lol

susan said...

The french mime look is just hilarious and kind of creepy. I wouldn't want that face looking at me in the middle of the night.

The little tramp down the way must not of been so hot to trot if a latex glove won out over her.

(I am just joking about the tramp part. I am sure she was just a nice tipsy girl who happened to be horny and easy, that doesn't make her a tramp, now does it?)

sparrow said...




Melody...... you just made me pee my pants.

I love you.

(welcome BACK!)

Anonymous said...

Very funny!!

Is the trollop still waiting outside the pub??

Annie Wan said...

i suppose after all that all thoughts of shagging must've gone out the window ...

Georgina said...

Toastie, this was a classic, I nearly had a little trickle too!
Thinking of you over the next few days and sending good vibes. France (((x)))

buffalodick said...

Insanity + Booze + Latex + Camera = Funny stuff!!!!

JBelle said...

Late Night with Mel and The Boys. Funnier than anything on currently. (snickering wildly as I go up to take a shower)

JeanneH said...

Marmie! Ohmygoodness! What a wonderful relationship you have with your boys, and I'm so glad to see the humor and laughter come back to your postings! Also, glad to see that you take many, many photos to remember everything, and pass the memories along to your sons. Thanks so much for sharing ~ and good luck at your doctor's appointment. I'll pray everything looks good, and you WON'T need more surgery. You've been through enough already. Keep your chin up, girl. Jeanne H xoxoxoxoxox

Toriz said...

Good luck with your appointments. *hugs*

OK... Enquiring minds need to know... Did Ben find the condoms afterwards? LOL!

LadyStyx said...

*adds to note to self:

01) no eating or drinking while reading Marmie's blog
02) Add a thick, thirsty towel to chair prior to reading to catch the "bit of wee" that comes out while I laff

end of note to self*

Akelamalu said...

Oh good God Mel you had me in stitches. Your lads are as mad as you but what a laugh you have!

You know I have everything crossed for your appointments honey, Reiki still buzzing round you. x

Jeanie said...

O my God that was funny!!!! I laughed right out loud and I'm at work (at a very stuffy lawyer's office, no less) and I think I need to go home now and change my undies. Way too funny!!!!

I think you and I are twins. Some of the antics I have had with my sons I couldn't or wouldn't (or shouldn't) print. But they are so funny.

Sue O. (aka Joannie, SS) said...

Ok, I had to have my daughter Becky read this one-she said, "Looks like something my friends and I would do!" (And they would!!) My sides ache from laughing-thanks!

PinkAcorn said...

All your boy stories make me miss mine all that much youngest one's in Seattle,Wa, my oldest is in the middle east(USAF)and my middle boy is next door but we work opposite schedules....God, I miss them

JeanC said...

Oh dear Goddess, I think I seriously hurt myself trying not to laugh out loud and disturb my co-workers.

Note to self, don't read Marmie at work, one's co-workers want to know whats going on hehehehehe

Christy Woolum said...

Boy... I am glad the condoms were misplaced so we could be entertained with this. I can understand why a bit of wee came out!

Jen said...

So funny! And thanks for sharing the pictures.

P.S. Good luck with your appointment.

Word Tosser said...

Would you adopt me? I want to live at your house... althought my sides and jaw would be hurting from the laughter...
Well, Ben, guess that is better than a cold

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad I have found your blog. You bring so much laughter to everyone. I do hope that Ben did find a condom. He sounded pretty determined.

Lil ol' me... said...

I'll never look at a rubber glove the same way again, that's 4 sure!

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((wanderer)))~ Bonkers was the word, it was just so funny.....xxxxx

~(((charles)))~ aint they gross, Jacob could put the glove over his head and then breath in so that all the air came out and it stuck to his features like glue.... DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME lol......xxxxx

~(((((lisa)))))~ oh my, bubble wrap and me would be happy for weeks LMFAO...... crab apples ;) and wow you know of punch and judy? I remember when we had a punch and judy bloke come to entertain at Toms birthday once when he was little..... oh my, all I will say is... HE LEFT EARLY lmfao...xxxxxxx

~((((Wolfie))))~ aint never heard of that bloke but Jacob got his head inside and blew it up so high it exploded on his head, I was creased up laffing so hard LOL....xxxxx

~(((musings)))~ oh I do have some hum dingers with me lads and you would think it way less then inspirational.... BUT..... mostly we laff and joke around....mostly :)....xxxxxx

~((((Susan))))~ the one thing Ive ALWAYS told me lads was to 'keep their bits in their boxers' unless they was protected..... no unplanned babies or rashes in this house.... and as yet they have all complied.... I wont tell ya what Ben said when he couldnt find the condoms as to what SHE would have to do LMFAO.... Im sure she is not a trampie girl... and yep the mime was real scary once we found the hat lol.....every mother should do this with their kids :)....xxxxxxxx

~(((Pixie))))~ what? WHAT? lmfao.... sending you 'depends' for your leakage.... love you to.... xxxxxxx

~((((coral))))~ I bet she is still hanging around outside the pub like a bad smell lol....xxxxx

~(((((France))))~ aint those leakage moments just sooooooo bad LOL..... and fanks..... things weren't good on Tuesday... so much so that I couldnt go for me appointment yesterday, but I have to go today at 10.30 this morning......xxxxxxx

~((((Buffalo))))~ I will claim the insanity not the booze lol I aint dont drink on me own at home lol last drink I had was last September at me maties husbands 40th birthday party...... :) dancing on tables can be fun at times lol.....

it was funny with the gloves though... we was well daft....xxxxxx

~((((JBelle))) :) sending you half a dozen pairs of latex gloves to practise at home or in the shower lol....xxxxxxxx

~((((JeanneH))))~ I dont see it as wonderful I see it as normal lol but then we aint normal in this house lmfao.... surgery is on the cards within the next few weeks.... they are trying to find me an emergency slot at Haslar.....xxxxxxxx

~((((ToriZ))))~ nope we never did find the condoms lol.........xxxxxxx


~(((ladystyx)))~ you daft cow lol.....xxxxxxx

~(((((ake))))~ I aint the mad one lol I thinks Im insane lmfao..... fingers, eyes, legs and everything crossed might help.. please take photos LOL....xxxxxx

~(((JeanneS))))~ Lawyers office.. well sue me LMFAO....

Its been difficult at times to raise these 4 lads completely on me own, and without our sense of humour, I dont think we would of made it as far as we have....xxxxxxxx

~((((((((sue))))))))~ life aint complete unless ya have at least ONCE tried a latex glove over ya head lol.......xxxxxxx

~((((pinkacorn))))~ I know when they all leave home, Im gonna be so very lonely living on me own.... and there aint no knight in shining armour knocking at me portculis LOL.....xxxxxxx

~((((((jeanc)))))~ :) SSsshhhhhhhhhhh your in a library lol.....xxxxxx

~((((InlandEmpireGirl))))~ all bow for the misplaced condoms LOL.....xxxxxxxx

~((((jen))))~ my maties laff at me cos I ALWAYS have me camera at hand and now they say things like.... quick Mel get ya camera out LMFAO..... ya just have to have a record of these things in life....xxxxxxxx

~(((((tosser)))))~ LOL@adopt me..... Im looking for someone, anyone to adopt me lmfao..... xxxxxxxx

~((((((Helen)))))~ tipsy with a tipple or not, that boy dont take risks in that department.... :)...... I dont aim to make anyone laff, I just explain about my days full of rubbish....xxxxxxx

~(((((Idaho Escapee))))))~ what ya mean to say ya aint never blown up latex gloves and thrown them off Southsea Castle Seawalls? LOL wow you aint lived :)........xxxxxx

OK OFF TO ME APPOINTMENT..... sigh.... to say Im had enough of all of this is an understatement.....

Have a lovely Thursday... hope the sun shines for you all today....


Sandi McBride said...

Okay, now you know what TMI means, right? TOO MUCH INFORMATION! I'm laughing fit to be tied...hold on, Mac's calling the ambulance, better tell him I'm not really dying, just sounds like it!

Unknown said...

Jeeze!!!!!!!!! A latex glove to rep-lace a condom? What an, uh, unique idea!

With that glove over his head, it appears Ben is ready to rob a bank—or impersonate a rooster.

Now… if I can just stop laughing enough to see the computer screen, I’ll post this comment

LadyStyx said...

*goes to translate daft cow*

Ahhh now I understand (laffin) sweet of you to say so!


Mean Mom said...

I loved this post, but the previous one made me laugh even more. I'm so glad that you are feeling better and I hope that your appointment went OK today.

It's amazing how much fun you can have with a box of latex gloves, isn't it? The photos are great!

There are awards going at my place, if you have a few seconds to spare.

Toriz said...


Kati said...

ROFLMBO!!!! What I want to know is if he lost his chance with the chick he was so hot for..... I mean, screwing around with the rubber gloves for a while with yourself and his brother must've wasted enough time that the girl gave him up as a lost cause..... *wink*

Glad to hear that y'all are finding a good bit to laugh about, even so.

MarmiteToasty said...

Cripes..... how did I miss out Dei Del's comment...... I must of been having a stroke or something lol

~((((Mei Del}}}}~ Maybe he thought we was all having way to much fun at home and a quickie bonk in the pub carpark didnt measure up lol......xxxxxxxx

~((((sandi))))~ oh believe me this is nuffin on TMI as to some of the stories I have in me head LOL.... ringing for an ambulance as I type :).....xxxxx

~((((((((Saintly)))))))~ well, I might market them as the 'condom that fits all sizes' ya have the choice of 5 sizes lol..... the funny thing was, once they had the gloves over their faces cos of the powered stuff inside to stop them sticking together they actually couldnt see out LMFAO..... which just made it even funnier....xxxxxxx

~(((ladystyx)))))~ it was a term of endearment :) - and if you google 'daft cow' the first posting that comes up is an older Twaddle Post Titled 'DaftCow' LOL..... Im famous, all autograph huntings please make an orderly queue to the right lol......xxxxx

~((((mean mom)))~ I will admit I do get to laff well proper with me lads, not all the time, but often.... I'll pop over but I so DONT deserve nuffin :)....xxxxx

~((((ToriZ))))~ oh hush will ya, dont make me have to drive up there :)....... xxxxx

~((((kati))))~ Maybe he lost the urge lmfao..... but OMG it was Thursday yesterday and he didnt come home til way late lmfao.... hope the little slagbag hadnt been waiting up the pud carpark for a whole week LMFAO...... and hey.... I can usually always find humour and a smile no matter what.... well except for that hicup a couple of months ago.... but hey thats the first hiccup of that nature in 50 years..... so I think under the extreme circumstances of half a dozen problems hitting me from all size I WAS ENTITLED lol..... now I need chocolate :)....xxxxxxxx

Intense Guy said...

Hmm... I have to say I found this entire entry hilarious!

I had a condom I carried in my wallet all the way through high school right up to the present. I called it old faithful (as well as useless). But I've just now tossed it out it being twenty-five plus years later and have upgraded to a latex glove.

LadyStyx said...

*Googles Daft Cow* .oO(hey if she's gonna send me that way I may as well check it out)


*sits in hysterics, tears running down face, hands holding stomach because it hurts from the laughter*

Oh you poor *snortlez* dear lady! Cant blame the dog for wanting a proper Sunday lunch and cant blame the hen for wanting to bump uglies with the dirty bird down the way, but damn we can blame the cow slippers for makin ya slip!


Toriz said...

If I don't shut up you're gonna drive over here? Hmm... Is that a promise or a threat? LMAO!

Pamela said...

I'm impressed. Just downright super impressed!!

pUnKhAiR2Nv said...

I work in a beauty salon, we have lots of gloves in there.......boxes full....Hmmmm
looks like im on a mission