Gutted and Scared Shitless.....

Ok, some people might of realised Ive been a bit aloof of late, thats aloof and not a loufa lol..... except my brain has been like a loufa all spongey....

Its just Ive had much on me mind and the load on my shoulders sometimes gets heavy.... I cant be everyones net, no matter how hard I try...and jebus knows I try to be there for everyone of me maties....

Anyways, those that know me or have been reading this boring Twaddle will know that last year I had major knee surgery, buggered up the cartlidge completely through playing football and had to have a complete knee replacement....

If ya bored on this Sunday you can read about it... part 1 here and a bit more very graffic photos here and if that aint made ya puke ya guts up, you can read a little more funny stuff here and the last bit conclusion here

I documented everything so one day me lads might get a view into what I went through...and how hard I struggle to keep the house ticking over and maybe just how strong a person I was, so that in their future when times are tough they might remember this and think, they can do anything..

So..... things didnt go according to plan right, infections after infections, talk of loosing me leg, which thankfully that so didnt happen, but right painful physio 3 times a week for about 8 months... well we all know it threw this usually sane strong ME into a tail spin and for a bit I went into this dark hole.... and that was scarey, also through all my problems I lost a couple of what I thought were good friends.... that hurt more then the pain and shit I went through....oh well.....



Aint this just the bestest photo... the photos in the link are from my own camera, I took me camera into theatre with me and cos I was semi awake during the op, I asked for one of the team of 7 to take photos lol.... dont know if I will take me camera into hopital this time, I just wanna get in and out withint a few days...keep me head down and not talk to anyone....

Me consultant promised me me life back, back to hiking on the Southdowns and camping with our amazing village scout group and I know he couldnt promise me me football and tchoukball sports back, or sking or marathons (not that I do either of the last 2 lol) I just wanted to be able to do the hiking and stumbling around in the woods and rivers with the school survival camps etc....

Well it did go tits up, and me left knee will never be the same.... its not as good as I would like but compared to how it was then it will do me just fine, it just dont bend back as far as I like so kneeling will always be a bit of a problem, but Im still working on it and slowly Im getting there....and even though the swelling is still there a little, they say it can take 2 years.... but I didnt let it beat me....

Until..... back in November I was hobbling on me dodgy rebuilt knee down the garden early one morning to let the chickens out, when I stumbled on the uneven ground, I still wasnt to good on wobbly ground, as I stumbled I put me good right leg out to steady meself and to stop meself falling on me arse in the mud.... as I did that I had such a sharp pain shoot up me good leg, bugger I though, Ive pulled a muscle or heaven forbid Ive torn me acl or another ligiment.....

I thought it would pass and that whatever it was would sort itself out, but as the weeks went by I realised the pain was not going anywhere and that I had maybe done something a little more then pulled a muscle...but I have a very high pain threshold so I just got on with it as best I could, knowing I had me consultant in April....

So me replaced knee was getting better and NO LIMP (that was my fear) but I was hobbling on what was me good right leg lmfao.....

I saw me consultant a few weeks ago, he was fairly happy in a not so happy way about the left knee he had done the replacement on (remembing I had been back into hospital 2 more times with it having it reopened and fiddled with lol)... so I mentioned me good leg and the pain in me knee and said I thought I might of pulled something.....

Ya see 5 yearas ago I snapped both me acl and me pcl playing football, I use to play proper when younger in a team that travelled Europe and this country, it was the best years of me life and I wouldnt swap them for anything.... so I was badgered into playing in a charity football match 5 years ago.... well in scoring a 20 yrd goal I turned in my victory salute and me foot stayed planted in the mud and me knee twisted and just snapped both me acl and me pcl.... so eventually I had reconstructed surgery on them lol they took me hamstring and drilled holes in me bones and used the hamstring like an elastic band and screwed and plated it into place.... it took yonks to heal and for me to be able to get back into sports.... but heal it did.....



These are the screws in me good knee, this is not my Xray but one from a different acl reconstruction, mine has a tiny plate in it with the screws... but it gives you the idea who what he has to dig out lol before he can do the main surgery...

So, me consultant does all these acl tests by pulling and shoving me knee much to me almost screams LOL.... but he said the acl was still intact, so he sent me round the corner for an Xray....

I went back to his room to face not smiling faces, sit Mel he said..... you my dear must be one of the most unluckiest patients Ive had for a long time... ya aint resnapped ya acl what ya did when ya put ya good leg out to steady yaself is this.... it must of been at a strange angle cos the cartlidge has shot out and is lodged in about 8 bits behind you kneecap and your main bones are sitting on each other, technically you shouldnt be able to even bend you knee, you really do have a high pain threashold.... but cos of that the bones have worn and I have no choice but to repeat a complete knee replacement on what was ya good leg..... NOW this week if possible.....

Well the shock of it put me in floods of tears and I DONT do tears often.... how could this be happening to me, after the shit year I had with the other one....

He said, Mel, listen, we will rebuild you, ya just unlucky this time..... I told him to keep his empty promises cos I had heard empty promises all me life....well I also told him I couldnt go in NOW cos I have much to organise and my Jacob will be in the middle of his major school exams until the end of June.... so he said with much unhappiness that he will put me down for surgery then.... he said this one will be a little more difficult cos he has to dig the screws and the little plate out from me acl reconstruction and then take a bit of hip bone for a graft to plug the holes before he can get the cutting gear on me knee...... oh fucking joy....

Only, the week before last I got a letter from him saying that I really cant put it off any more and that he really needed me in asap, and he gave me the date of 1 June.... thats next Monday.... thats tomorrow.....

My boy will be in the middle of his exams and could really do with me here, but on the other hand me consultant is quite addiment that he wants me in NOW....

So...... mixed emotions...... the fear has kicked in big time, cos of all the shit from the last one, not just physically but emotionally and mentally..... not having anyone here that really cares except me lads is hard.... no hand to hold, not even a hug to go into hospital with.... so the lonieless thoughts are well and truely with me today.... and I dont know if I actually have the strength to go through again all that I went through last year... Im so use to hobbling around I dont know what walking or hiking proper is.... I always make the best of a bad thing and except for the excrusiating pain and the total knackeredness, I sort of am use to living this way....



Of course it dont help to read this on me consent form... DEATH... I asked me consultant who will is me surgeon not to let me die, Im all me lads have... he said, it aint guaranteed but he will try his dammest not to let that happen said he aint lost one yet... oh joy..

Again the question of being self employed, I wont get any help financially whilst Im off work so as much as me consultant has said NO WORK FOR at least 8-10 weeks this time and has written me a sick certificate for 6 weeks and a pre-dated one for another 6 weeks, they aint really worth the paper they are written on.......

I rang the benefits office to see if there was any help I could expect whilst I was out of work and recuping.... $80 a week she said lol so I asked if it would help if I was a 'black jewish lesbian with 5 kids and no thought of working in the future' she said she didnt find that comment funny.... I told her I was not joking and if it would help my cause then I become one....

Anyways suffice to say I told them to shove it up their arse and I will sort it meself....... so, unlike me maties when they are sick or unable to work, not that any of them have had major surgery, I will HAVE to drag myself back to work after 3 weeks no matter how much pain or how shit I feel, its different for me maties they have big families around to help and working hubbies to take the strain financially for a few months...... me well, I'll have my Sam and Jacob here LOL so it will be up to me to get back to work no matter what me consultant says...he aint gonna pay me mortgage or bills is he... he aint wearing my shoes, but it means I wont be able to recover proper or rest or recup..... fuck it aye, the story of me life..... aint had anyone before that gave a dam, so dont know why I thought I would have it now lol....

So, Im the most frightened I have even been in me life, cos I know what was what from last time, and as much as I try to stay positive thinking it wont go tits up again, this is me we are talking about and life always smacks me in the face with all its got...... I must of been one hell of a bad kid to have this life I have....

And cos of a comment left on Twaddle a few months back by a commenter that I thought was a friend, Ive found it very difficult to share my fears with anyone but a couple of people.... sometimes harsh misdirected words to another person, such as towards me, can have a devastating affect, it meant I kept this news and problems to meself.... cos I didnt wanna seem needy......

Also with me matie fighting her illness, mine in comparison is nuffin.... so Ive carried that guilt also.....

Anyways I could go on and on about this, but its hard to type through the tears.... just feel so alone with this again.......

Im driving meself to the hospital tomorrow for 7am.... I'll leave me car there and figure out how to get me and the car home when they release me....I didnt wanna make a fuss with me maties as to how to get there, they are already having me minded nippers for me....... and cos again of those harsh words from a commenter I feel I should just do this all on me own...... me consultant said cos of what happened before and how I dont do to well with surgery, he wants to keep me in for 10 days....... I told him to shove that and I need to be out by the weekend, cos its also my Jacobs birthday on the 10th.... so we will see, as soon as Im on crutches Im out of there.... need to be here for my Jacob.... got others and responsibilities to put first before meself....

I also have me NVW3 assessment on the 9th and an appointment with a solicitor on the 11th about me tosser X, Ive had the last broken rib off of him....... thats all great aye after major surgery a week before LOL....so you see I need to be out by the weekend...dont know how Im gonna get home or get me car home yet lol Ive been practising driving me car using me left leg this week instead of me what will be me operationed leg...... nearly went into the back of 2 cars and mounted the pavement LOL so I will have to play driving me car home straight after surgery by ear LOL...

So, I wont be around for a while...if at all....maybe this is a good closing point for Twaddle.... Ive put to much of my inner self on these pages over the last 2 years and Im usually a very private person....we'll see........ its all a load of bollocks anyways...........

I have much to do and still to organise.... need to fill the fridge and freezer for Sam and Jacob and sort the house and washing out and the garden....

But on a lighter note, it would of been me mums 83rd birthday today.... Im said all I came about me mum before here and there aint really anything to say about me mum, except I wish it had been different, maybe I wouldnt feel so lonely and unloved now LOL

So a few photos to finish with, as a treat, if you have read down this far with this boring post....



me strawberry plants, we decided to put them in a hanging basket this year lol



My boys at our Toms engagement Party last December.... thats my Jacob on the left, then Sam, Tom and Ben.... Jacob and Toms hair is shorter now..



My Janet that I love beyond measure LMFAO daft cow that I am..



Yesterday whilst in me garden cutting the grass and watering all me hanging baskets and tubs and seedings.... I took this photo thinking...... I really shouldnt of electrical cables for the mower and me hose so close together lol

Ok, Im just rambling here now....... so I will go with my fears and tears and loneliness and try and get all that I need to do done today....

And if anyone wants to come over to hold me hand and stay for a week so I can sleep LOl then you only have til 6.30am tomorrow morning to get here lol....

So Im gutted and scared shitless...

Be safe maties..... know you are loved...

x

Bake Away The Stress...

Ok......... Ive had a lot on me mind of late.... got much 'stuff' going on in my life at the moment....and have got two maties that are facing a challenging struggle in life - one here in real life that will not make it to the end of that struggle - Im trying to make my shoulders as wide as I can to carry the extra load without it all tumbling down around me ears......

I have a very special cyber friend in my life who is starting on a hard journey in her life.... her strength and dignity has left me humbled and very ashamed of the whining person I sometimes can be..... she is the most beautiful person, with a soul that floats around and enriches everyone it touches.... I love her very dearly and a battle with her illness is just beginning.... she has enriched my life 10 fold since knowing her, she is an inspiration to all......

Anyways.....sigh..... there seems to be many folders piled on me shoulders this past month or so..... but I will suss and sort them, I will file things and work through each page and the times that I think will be hard, I will deal with as best I can, like I have had to all me life....... because compared to what my matie is facing, my worries is chicken shit...

So......... what does Mel do when she holds the world and all its worries on her shoulders......

She bakes LOL



First ya lightly brown minced beef and veggetables with an oxo cube and bits and bobs of whatever you have at hand...



Then ya scoop it all into ya most favourite oven dish, the green french one ya bought back from france all those years ago..



And whilst the meat and veggies are browning ya peel and boiled sweet potatoes and normal spuds...



Ya then mash the spuds together with loads of creamy butter and full milk with salt and pepper and mix in one of Janets fresh morning eggs (which when then baked in the oven will fluff the spuds up and make them light and scrummie)...



Ya spoon the mashed creamie spud mixture on top of the meat and veggies...



Sprinkled with grated mature cheddar and top with sliced tomatoes...



Ya then shove the lot in the oven and cook on gas 200 for 30 minutes until golden and crisp.... serve with steamed green veggies..... and bobs ya uncle... ya can feed an army of hungry lads...

This is our version of the shepherdless pie..... no shepherds were killed in the making of this pie..

Whilst thats in the oven, and ya still on stress level HIGH....



Ya make a huge crock pot full of spicy sausage, sweet potatoe and lentil thingie, which makes the whole house smell scrumous...

Then ya look around to see what else takes ya fancy.... and ya think how to use the rest of the sausages, which wasnt cheap to say the least, but then our sausages are to scrummie for words.... but of course I cant eat the pork ones, but somethings I make with lamb sausages..



So ya lightly brown the sausages and leeks and make up a grainy mustard sauce, which is just mustard, butter, milk, flour and parsley... ya mix it all up and bung in ya little favourite Portmerrion china pie dish...



Ya top with a quick and easy to make pastry lid.... find ya larry the lobster biscuit cutter and cut out a lobster with the spare pastry.... crimp the edges NOT using granmas false teeth LOL - make a few slits to let the steam out...



close up of larry the lobster biscuit cutter stoke pastry shape cutter lol



DaDaaaaaaaaaa one perfect leek and grainy mustard pie......



I love my larry the lobster biscuit cutter....

Then ya think, ya gotta have a pudding lmfao...... so whilst the kitchen is in a mess ya think I know what everyone will like.....



Banananana lol and pumpkin seed cake..... to use up the bananas of course...

and..



A lemon and a lime cake... to use up the lemons and limes right :)....

Then ya feel quilty that the kitchen is a mess and ya really need to be getting some more veggies in them lads and their maties......



So whilst the kitchen cant get any messier, you think what the hell, might as well make up a couple of beetroot and chocolate cakes..... ya know, to get them veggies in them lads....



of course one has to cut a slice to try, ya know, to make sure them there lads cant taste the beetroot in the cake......

then by the time ya have cooked ya stress away, the kitchens a mess and ya scream up the stairs..... SOMEONE HAD BETTER GET DOWN HERE AND CLEAN THIS MESS UP AND DO THE DISHWASHER....... which falls on deaf ears...... so ya make a huge mug of tea and go sit in the garden and watch ya chickens....... and ya think..... thats me..... all baked out, but stress free...... cos tomorrow is another day and another challenge...

So who wants to come to stay.......... I might not have much to offer, but ya sure wouldnt go hungry :)

More then enough boring twaddle for a very very late stressed out day.....cripes its 12.50am Wednesday morning......... yep, sure was a stressful day....

Love, thats all it takes.... not money, or wants, just love..... love those around ya..... please, near and far..

(((((((((Starr))))))))))) fanks, you know for why.. x

x

Things Mothers Dont Need To See...

Ok.....My oldest lad is off to Thailand on Monday, just a few days time, he was made redundant about 6 weeks ago and hasnt been able to find anything else, so before his money runs out he thought to hell with it, and he just booked a ticket to Thailand for a month and said he will travel around and just see what happens.... you have to understand that this lad is quite a home bod and aint NEVER done nowt like this before without a gaggle of maties with him, so this is a first, and to say Im worried, is an understatement..... I know he is a man but he is still one of my babies lol.... His going has come at an awkward time cos of what is happening in the next few weeks, BUT I just aint told him that, so that he can go without any worries about home here......... and he goes with my love and heart and I will worry until he comes home full of life and an experience of a lifetime..... hope he dont get got by no batty boys lol..... 3 of his maties will join him for the last 9 days of his adventure, thats if they can ever get to meet up, and he will of been on his own for 3 weeks by then, or in some Thailand prison or in a 'man brothel' cos he might of run out of money by then lol..... oh hush it, Ive read about these things lol....


So, back to this post....this is probably boring but if so just scroll to the bottom and watch the video lol

My 15 year old is in the middle of his GCSEs which are the major exams as he prepares to leave compulsary education.... except all schools have next week off for half term and study leave, then he has 8 GCSEs that first week back, so its hectic here besides some other things that I might share in a few days time.... but ya know me, as private as a ginger testicle...

Well, this lad of which I speak is the most amazing agile bendable flexible lad..... his passions in life are trampolining and BMXing and free running.... We have had a trampoline in our garden for about 20 years.... way way before they became a 'must have garden accessory'.... obviously its not the same trampoline, its been replaced 3 times now, and its not one of those round 'play' ones, its a proper one, the one down from the fold up ones that you find in sports halls..... its an oblong proper one, not a round toy one lol..

Last year the old trampoline needed replacing so I rang the company where I had bought from in the past and explained that I had bought from them before and told them we needed the super-king deluxe or whatever it was called BUT there is no way I was gonna pay £750 ($1500) for it, what was the best they could do LOL....... the bloke on the end of the photo called me a cheeky bitch LOL.... HOW RUDE :) Anyways he said leave it with him and he'd get back to me...... see, ya dont ask ya dont always get... and he did ring back about an hour later... he said they had the trampoline I wanted in stock and cos of my cheek he said he had found one with a scuff mark on the padded surround mats and cos of that.... and he was so laffing.... he said it couldnt be sold at full price, so he could do me a deal with it....... so I says...... how much of a scuff.... and he says..... well I just scuffed it with me shoe for ya LMFAO........ Bloody hell, I think 'I pulled' lmfao..... I asked him if he was serious and he said, ya made me laff this morning so what the hell....... so we got our new trampoline for just £350 ($700) and not $750 ($1500)....400 bloody hundred quid cheaper for being cheeky lmfao - DONE AND BLOODY DUSTED.....

So...... my lad uses it to practise some of the moves he learns at trampoline club.....except he is now teaching the trampoline coach new moves LOL.... he makes my heart stop watching him in the garden..... but I smile through it when he says.... mum watch this......



As you can see, its very near the shed...... you know, the shed that he often leaps off on onto the trampoline LOL



Standing on the shed.... He can do easy back and front flips but he aint satisfied with those so its usually double back half twists to full double front 360 full twist and all that nonsense lol







He does things like side rotations in the air and when he first started trying them, he would often bounce sidewards right over me twat neighbours 6 foot fence lmfao.... praise the lord no broken bones on this lad YET...





Got this photo just as he landed a double front half twist to flat front LOL.... Im sure thats NOT the technical term for it..



How perfect is this photo ..... his trampoline coach says he is the highest bouncer he has ever come across.... he needs to get high to do his twists etc, which is fine in a supervised sports hall, but in the back of me tiny garden with concrete fence posts and twat neighbours and sheds and chicken coops surrounding the trampoline it aint always safe LOL

During the week, my Jacob was doing a few moves on the trampoline when our twat neighbour shouts something over the fence..... he was talking to me, I think lol.... so I ignored him to begin with...... but he kept on and bloody on.... WHAT? I said rather loudly..... he then went on to say that he was having a BBQ with many important friends and work collegues that evening and would like us NOT to use the trampoline during the hours of 6.30 and 10.30..... hahahahahahaha.....how dare me DEMAND instead of ask.... I asked as to the reason why he didnt want the trampoline to be used.... and he said...... because he didnt wanna see someone jumping up and down up and down over the fence all evening when they had friends around and it would be annoying.... all I can say is RED FLAG and BULL :)........

So I says........ dam, and I was gonna ask you if it was possible for you NOT to have a BBQ this evening as Jacob has to practise and the smoke from the BBQ and the noise of chatter and laughing that comes with a BBQ is very annoying and off putting.......

I know I sound mean, but you just need to know what this pratt is like..... he is nasty and foul mouthed and rude and self centred and selfish and ignorant and arragant and an all round twat LOL...... Im the only one around here that stands up to him, and he is only nice, sorta, when HE wants something....

So, he says (you must understand that he is the other side of a 6 foot fence and can not see me doing a chicken dance and making childish faces LOL.... so, Ive made myself clear then have I, he says........... yes I reply, perfectly clear..... Jacob comes in for his dinner and we hear the BBQ friends arrive next door and we hear the twat neighbout put on his posh voice, his, I am better then everyone voice, his fake voice to these important friends LOL...... smoke everywhere..... chatter, noise, laughter LOL......

So you ask did we do as HE asked............. HELL NO, ya see, there are ways of asking favours and there 'are ways' of asking..... and he picked the wrong one :)..... its amazing what fun my Jacob and his 3 mates had that evening bouncing and jumping off the shed with me twat neighbours party just 3 foot away behind a 6 foot fence, which aint no height when ya bouncing 15-20 foot in the air LOL...... my lad said, hey mum, they aint even got matching plates LMFAO ...... Oh shut it, you have to understand the dynamics of living next to this bloke.....

Anyways THAT was not the things mothers didnt need to see........... the following is...... My lad was on the computer a few days ago and said, hey mum come look at this that me matie just sent me..... Jebus mary muvver of whoever.....



This is my Jacob doing a twisted somersault off the junior school roof a few months ago...... son, I says, there are things mothers dont need to see.... Oh mum, Jacob says, that aint nuffin...... watch this.....



I think I need to move closer to the hospital LOL - hope he doesnt start doing this off the tall trees he will be climbing when he goes to college in September lol....

Enough boring Twaddle for a bright sunny Friday morning.......

x

I Tried Honestly I Did - Lord Knows I Did

Ok.... someone tell me that busy is good right? that busy takes ya mind off of those things ya dont wanna thing about right? busy as hell knackers ya out so that ya dont have the time or energy to think about 'those things' ya dont wanna think about right?

As you can tell, its been a busy old week.... one day I will get to slow down... yeah right....

First off Ive been busy before and after school.... me matie that rang me from doodleland one morning in the week will testify how busy I was, she said she could hear the nippers.....



See..... I lieth not lol..... shame I aint this busy with nippers all day..... I know these nippers parents ought to be cleaning their school shoes sometimes though, just look at the state of em lol and cos I cant stand kids going to school with dirty shoes, I bloody cleaned 9 pairs of black shoes and boots cos Sprites little pink trainers was just fine..... like I aint got enough to do in the mornings..gawds sake..

I lost Sprite and Jon again on Monday, as the job their father did have went down the drain on Monday, so that means my job with them also went down the drain so thats $1200 a month down..... so time to pull in the belt that is already pulled in...

Soooo... those that know me KNOW that I rarely spend any money on me.... only the bare lifes essentials plus the odd CD... well get this..... back in the week I splashed out on something for me..... I did it.... I picked something off the shelf and hobbled to the checkout and handed over the goods and then handed over me money..... and let me tell you, it was very difficult..... I was fighting with the voice of sense in me head telling meself that I was being like normal people, and normal people sometimes bought themselves things, even though they could of done without the item lol but I did it...

Ya see, as much as inside I would like to be a girlie girl and wear heels and all the girlie things that girlie girls wear... I DONT DO HEELS....and as everyone knows I dont do pink unless its plants and the odd thing like me Etnies trainers oh and me kitchen scales oh and me crocs lol....

Just before I had me total knee replacement last year, I sat with me matie Ann in her car outside one of the big shops in town, she needed some bits of bobs for a dinner and dance she was going to.... I was already stressed out about the up and coming operation.... so we get out the car and she walks and I hobble into the shop, where she buys what she needs whilst I go off looking at stuff elsewhere.... when we get back in the car she says.... look at what I just bought and she pulls out a pair of beautiful shoes...heels.... quite high... Ive never seen me matie in heels before lol....

She says, what do you think, to which I just burst out crying.... to which she says, what on earths the matter.... so I says..... after this operation I wont be able to ever wear heels....and the tears were rolling down me face...... but Mel, you dont do heels so it dont matter you daft cow..... then I say..... and I wont ever be able to go sking or snowboarding..... to which she says..... but you've always said you hate sking....... your just being a daft cow......but even if I did, I said, I wont be able to...... now ya just being stupid she said, so shut up before I bitchslap ya..... ya see, I use to be so sporty, football and tchoukball and hiking and helping on the all real tough survival camps in the New forest..... and I knew possibly that that part of my life was gonna be over....

Anyways.... so during the week I found meself outside the shops in town..... I wanted to go there to find something special for a friend... but before I looked for that, I wandered into TXMs and walked up and down the shoe aisle... looking for girlie shoes.... yes girlie shoes for me LOL.... not heels cos I knew I would kill meself in them.... well, unless I just used them for the bedroom lmfao

I tried, honestly I did..... I picked up shoes after shoes.... and I just didnt feel it.... didnt get the WOW..... until I came across these....



Oh shut up, they are sorta girlie :).... aint they just the bestest Vans ever....

I tried them on and they were my size.... I put them back and picked them up about 7 times lol.... then thought, I'll just carry them around while I look at other things cos I can always put them back again....

Then I found these....



They are as light as a feather.... and I LOVE 'Rocket Dog' boots..... I know I know they aint heels or right proper girlie....but they certainly aint boys boots.... but listen..... where the hell would I go to wear girlie shoes, so I have to be practical and buy what I KNOW I will get most use out of.... and even FMPs wouldnt get any use out of them LOL....

So I tried with all my might to buy girlie girl shoes, and this is the best I could do.... but, I did get them in the sale.... well cheap.... instead of £65 ($130) and £70 ($140) for them, I only paid a fiver ($10) for the Vans and £10 ($20) for the Rocket dogs.... now that is a bargain....and I love em, so I aint bovvered what anyone else thinks :)

Before I went to pay for them, my mind was mulling it all over..... as much as I LOVE em, did I really NEED em..... this is how my mind works when Im responsible for the mortgage and all the bills on me own and the raising of me lads...its not that I cant afford them, cos I can, its, do I NEED them, but I decided that I couldnt live without these in me life and I would wear them constantly... as I do with me other boots lol...

As my mind was arguing with itself I found I was wandering down the aisle with the pots and pans and all the kitchen bits and bobs WHICH I LOVE with a passion.... I have some wonderful kitchen pots.... I love to bake and cook.... and have a passion for kitchen rubbish lol..... I was actually looking for something for our Tom and his girlfriend Sammie who are now living together, I know they wanted a wok, so I was wok hunting right?.. until, something caught my eye.... something that pulled me nearer..... something I didnt NEED but I so WANTED lmfao..... AND it was girlie beyond measure...... and I dont do pink now do I..... but I so wanted this......



Can you see, its now hung on me pot rack...... ITS A PINK POT.... shiny stainless steel inside and a shiny handle..... its big and deep and beautifully heavy...... and I told meself its right proper girlie LOL....... so I put one pair of boots in the pot, cos I couldnt carry 2 pairs of boots and a pot and watch 2 nippers from disappearing now could I - I gets half way to the checkout when me matie Julia spies me..... hey Mel, what ya buying..... oh I say just a few bits....... oh my she says...... your Sammie (Toms girlfriend) will LOVE that pot..... Sammie I says.... sod Sammie the pots of me...... BUT YOU DONT DO PINK she say.......... oh shut up I said.....its not pink its light red :)

So, now I have two new pairs of boots which I love to death and a new pink pot that I didnt really truely need, but it satisified the girlie part deep inside me LOL

Enough Twaddle for a windy overcast late afternoon.....

ps..... got the rest of me hanging baskets finished today and got our runner beans planted up their wigwam poles.... more later....

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Fires - Ducks and People Should Mind Their Own Business...

Ok..... Blimey, whats up with me, Im posting before a fortnights up lol...

I was bummed this evening to find out the computer shop had well and truely buggered up our other computer and although they gave me promises of not loosing the 5 years worth of photos on it, they accidently (TOSSERS) deleted, for ever, the bloody lot.... if ya wanna hear what a fishwife sounds like then ring me and I will repeat what I said to the tosser bloke in PC World LOL..... I know, I know I should of backed it up..... oh well, no use now crying anymore over spilt milk....or lost memories or tosser computer non-experts..

So I was going through the picture file on this computer and found some photos from back in October.... it was a surprisingly warm day for October half term.... I had Sprite as usual and just J and A, It made a change just having the 3 of them... Sprite was then 2 1/2 and J is 6 and A is just 5.... so I said to them lets down to Langstone Harbour for a walk/hobble and a picnic... but lets go with just us, not the other mob and me maties.... so my Jacob said he wouldnt mind tagging along if he could have a KFC on the way lmfao.....

Langstone Harbour is only about 8-9 minutes at the most from my house, so I suppose its fairly local, or its just that I drive fast lol

Ive did a short post on Langstone before...... ya see, if you follow the map with ya finger along the south coast, its all little inlets and harbours and islands and beaches and all completely different and all within 10-20 minutes from me.....

Langstone is just before the only bridge onto Hayling Island and in the olden days there use to be a toll gate on the bridge and when I was a kid there use to be a little steam train called The Puffing Billy that ran from Havant station to Hayling Island..... I remember being very scared as the train went along the single line track across the harbour and thinking we was flying cos all you could see either side was water.....

Langstone is tiny and old and has 2 most beautiful pubs.... and mill.... they all are the subject of many many painters... anyways, see how I go off on one lol

So I grabbed the nippers lunch boxes that their parents had bought and with promises of a KFC for my Jacob off we went.....



As you can see when we got there it was a little overcast so we thought we would sit and have lunch first..... we are sitting outside one of the pubs, you can see the other one the Royal Oak in the background and the old mill... the tide had just turned and we needed to wait til it had gone out further before we could start walking around the foreshore to the other pub... ya see... ya can only get to that one from this one when the tide is lower and behind the other pub and mill is a bird reserve and as you can see in the photo the foreshore (where the trees are) makes for a lovely walk, and if ya walk for miles ya come to Walblington ruins and then Emsworth, which will mean nuffin to anyone but me lmfao.....



One is never to old to feed the swans lol

As a child we would come to Langstone where me parents would meet up with their maties in the pub and talk sailing and all that nonsense lol and us kids would be left outside with a bottle of coke and a packet of crisps... well the water where Jacob is feeding the Swans is right out front of the pub and there use to be a floating wooden raft anchered by a long chain to the seabed, so when me parents and their maties was having a whale of a time in the pub, me and me older brother would strip off and swim to the raft.... and spend a couple of hours in the water and hopefully get out in time to get dressed so me dad didnt know what we had done, ya see, in those days, no one would of thought to of come out of the pub and away from their maties to check on the children... and Im talking deep water here LOL..... I would of been about 8 I suppose cos me younger brother was in a pushchair.... jebus my father or mother would of almost skinned me alive if they had known we had left our youngest brother in his pushchair whilst we was swimming lol.... sod em, they are both dead now so they will never know :)



As you can see, by the time we had finished lunch the tide was well and truely on its way out.... so time to walk round the foreshore in the seaweed to the other side.... Sprite LOVES my Jacob with a passion and he in turn loves her..... the times he does come out with me and the minded nippers he is gentle and caring and funny and rough and tumble with them..... I suppose cos other peoples nippers have always been a part of his life then its just old hat to him lol



This is the row of little old houses that are next to The Royal Oak Pub... when I was a kid the house on the right would sell fresh cockles from the front door... and it was such a treat to find a tanner in the mud outside the pub and go and buy a little pot of cockles to munch.



This is outside The Royal Oak, now should I leave the kids outside and go in for a quick arf a lager lol..... the pub is set up high from the sea wall which you can see, but the row of neat side stones is the edge and then its about a 5 foot drop onto the shingle...but kids learn not to get to near the edge lol... the inside of this pub has hardly been touched as such in over 100 years, and they do the most amazing grub....... someone please one day come and visit so I can show you my world :)....



This is the corner of the pub with the old mill behind, its been a private residence eversince I can remember.... and I think at one time someone right proper famous lived there, when the tide is in the mill is cut off and they cant get the cars in or out :).....talk about living right on the waters edge lol

The path leads directly behind the old mill and its strange cos out the front of the mill is the harbour views and right behind is the nature reserve with fresh water....



Thats the wall and back fence to the mill..... I love coming here with the nippers, especially in the Autumn cos ya virtually have the place to yaself.... why do so many people just say in doors in the Autumn and Winter..... Im at me best then.... maybe its cos I dont like crowds....

I dont know what A is doing in the above photo..... maybe he thinks he is Shakespeare LOL.. sometimes if we are lucky we can spot a heron..... big deal right LOL



Never to old to feed the ducks aye Jacob lol...... dont fall in kids....

Ya see, sometimes its nice to take me nippers out on me own, without me maties, cos, a place like this me other maties would be keep saying..... dont get to near the edge, come here, dont do that, no you cant get wet... and all that rubbish, but me, well I LOVE to let kids be kids..... so what if they fall in, they are hardly gonna drown are they, and dont think I haven't had them fall in before lol but ya just reach over and oike them out lol so what if they get muddy...... you wait until you see the other photos and what we got up to....... tiz a good job me maties were not there cos the nippers would of been stifled and held back from being kids....

When ya get just past the old mill with the nature reserve on ya left and the sea on ya right, this is what ya see..



This is just before the proper pathway gives way to foreshore and pebbles...... see that line of trees thats were we was gonna walk/hobble and if you look closely at the end of the taller treeline you can just make out the ruins of Walblington Castle... but thats a little further round then we was gonna walk..

The nature reserve gives way to fields with horses in them.... when I was about 12 I use to ride me old bike from where I lived to Langstone where there was a riding stables.... I never had the money for riding, but I would spend all day Saturday mucking out the stables and helping saddle up the horses for others to ride... all day, on the understanding that come the end of the day I would get to ride one of the horses bareback back to the fields where they were put for the night, which was only about 2 miles away.... but it meant riding along the foreshore and then down some tracks..... I was in heaven.... I never had lessons, no one ever told me how to ride.... I could just do it.... maybe I watched to many cowboy and indian films as a kid lol..... so I would work all day for a 20 minute ride at the end of the day, and then I would have to walk the 2 miles back to the stables to pick up me bike and then ride the 7 miles home LOL......



Just look at Sprites face, this is what makes my job so worthwhile..



At the back of the foreshore is this row of old railway sleepers used as a backdrop to the shore, so that when the tide comes up the water wont wash away anymore of the land.... these are actually the old railway sleepers from the old Puffing Billy Line that I mentioned earlier.... the nippers loved being allowed to walk along them.... with my words of 'just be careful' just said the once..... no nagging like we would of had if I had gone with others that day....



Ya can see they aint very high.... and note there is no one else around :)...

They aint high until ya son does this......



A forward 'double' front somersault off them LOL...... landed it perfect he did lol

We walked all the way along, only seeing one other person on our walk... when we got to the end of where we had set our sights on there is a bench, so being the old codger that I am I said lets sit and have a drink and a rest before heading back.... so the kids and Jacob all explored the shore area and Jacob notices the remains of an fire, ya know the ashes where someone had had a fire on the beach.... well upon investigation lmfao..... me lad kicked around in the ashes and said 'blimey mum its still warm'....... and after a bit of blowing and the nippers rushing around looking for firewood lol....... this is what happened....



Give my boy an ember and he will build you a fire fit for a king lol....



Just love this photo, look at the look on the nippers faces especially J blowing the fire LOL..... see them wooden bits sticking out of the mud.... thats whats left of the old wooden quays that was there about 100 years ago, when the harbour was a working harbour....



Yep Jacobs face says it all........ I love it that my 15 year old still loves coming out with me :)...



Warming me feet lol

We spotted a woman walking along the beach with her dog...... by then the fire was well and truely alight and Jacob asked if we had any duck bread left that we had been feeding the ducks with..... well I had saved a few slices so we had something to feed the ducks with on the way back....... so I rummaged in me bag and he got a stick cos he wanted to show A and J and Sprite (not that she would understand lol) how you can cook on a little fire......



So he toasted some bread, and as he was toasting, the woman that we had seen with the dog was almost upon us...... the kids were muddy.. and windswept.... and I suppose to an on looker we looked like a motely bunch LOL...



And it was getting nippy by now..... so as Jacob was handing out the toasted bread to the nippers this woman say....... oh my, what are you doing, you're not allowed a fire on the beach.... pardon, I says...... you heard me she said......yes I did, I replied, but I didnt quite understand.... you cant have a fire on the beach she repeated....... but mam I said... putting on me right proper hampshire farmers accent...... we need the fire to cook our dinner........ dinner she says? yes, its just toast but it will do the children until I can find us all somewhere to sleep for the night........ BLANK BLOODY LOOK........ ya see, we are vagabonds and we only wanted to get warm and get the children fed.......oh my she said.... YOU'RE GYPSIES DONT COME NEAR ME lmfao........ to which my Jacob says.... spare us a few quid love would ya.... putting on the same accent as I had LOL..... with that she called her dog and scarpered up the beach as fast as her little legs could carry her LMFAO..... we laffed and laffed and laffed..... well me and Jacob did.... J, A and Sprite started laffing cos we was laffing.....

Why dont some people just mind their own bloody business...... we was doing no harm...

J then says Mel I need the loo, and A followed suit lol....... go on then I says, you couple of pikies..... pretend ya firemen putting out the fire lol



So they did lol....... oh hush, there was no one around for miles......



A muddy kid is a happy kid right? lol....... I dont care..... I really dont :)



Time to head back, as it was getting really overcast by now.....



Bye horse..



Bye little bridge with the sloosh gate to let the overflow water from the nature reserve flow into the sea.. oh my there is the dog in the distance of the 'scared of pikies' woman lol... if we run/hobble we just might be able to catch her up LOL....



Bye little hungry ducks...

I will just show two more photos....... see what ya think....... spookie or what..

This first one is of the lane that I use to bareback ride the horses from the stables when I was a kid.... the lane is right behind the bench we was sitting on with the fire......



Pretty aye?

Now look at this one, the nippers came out of the hedgerow as I took this second photo......... WTF is that shining light..... and even more spookie...... Sprite is looking at it....... Jacob didnt see it, nor did J or A.... just me and Sprite..... is it the ghost of my past....it is my memory spirit........strange aye?



Ok way way more then enough Twaddle to bore the pants off ya for a Wednesday evening... if ya got this far ya need a meddle lol and I need to go to bed :)... DONT have nightmares now will ya..

[click on photos to enlarge - if ya can be arsed lol]

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