Sunday, 31 May 2009

Gutted and Scared Shitless.....

Ok, some people might of realised Ive been a bit aloof of late, thats aloof and not a loufa lol..... except my brain has been like a loufa all spongey....

Its just Ive had much on me mind and the load on my shoulders sometimes gets heavy.... I cant be everyones net, no matter how hard I try...and jebus knows I try to be there for everyone of me maties....

Anyways, those that know me or have been reading this boring Twaddle will know that last year I had major knee surgery, buggered up the cartlidge completely through playing football and had to have a complete knee replacement....

If ya bored on this Sunday you can read about it... part 1 here and a bit more very graffic photos here and if that aint made ya puke ya guts up, you can read a little more funny stuff here and the last bit conclusion here

I documented everything so one day me lads might get a view into what I went through...and how hard I struggle to keep the house ticking over and maybe just how strong a person I was, so that in their future when times are tough they might remember this and think, they can do anything..

So..... things didnt go according to plan right, infections after infections, talk of loosing me leg, which thankfully that so didnt happen, but right painful physio 3 times a week for about 8 months... well we all know it threw this usually sane strong ME into a tail spin and for a bit I went into this dark hole.... and that was scarey, also through all my problems I lost a couple of what I thought were good friends.... that hurt more then the pain and shit I went through....oh well.....



Aint this just the bestest photo... the photos in the link are from my own camera, I took me camera into theatre with me and cos I was semi awake during the op, I asked for one of the team of 7 to take photos lol.... dont know if I will take me camera into hopital this time, I just wanna get in and out withint a few days...keep me head down and not talk to anyone....

Me consultant promised me me life back, back to hiking on the Southdowns and camping with our amazing village scout group and I know he couldnt promise me me football and tchoukball sports back, or sking or marathons (not that I do either of the last 2 lol) I just wanted to be able to do the hiking and stumbling around in the woods and rivers with the school survival camps etc....

Well it did go tits up, and me left knee will never be the same.... its not as good as I would like but compared to how it was then it will do me just fine, it just dont bend back as far as I like so kneeling will always be a bit of a problem, but Im still working on it and slowly Im getting there....and even though the swelling is still there a little, they say it can take 2 years.... but I didnt let it beat me....

Until..... back in November I was hobbling on me dodgy rebuilt knee down the garden early one morning to let the chickens out, when I stumbled on the uneven ground, I still wasnt to good on wobbly ground, as I stumbled I put me good right leg out to steady meself and to stop meself falling on me arse in the mud.... as I did that I had such a sharp pain shoot up me good leg, bugger I though, Ive pulled a muscle or heaven forbid Ive torn me acl or another ligiment.....

I thought it would pass and that whatever it was would sort itself out, but as the weeks went by I realised the pain was not going anywhere and that I had maybe done something a little more then pulled a muscle...but I have a very high pain threshold so I just got on with it as best I could, knowing I had me consultant in April....

So me replaced knee was getting better and NO LIMP (that was my fear) but I was hobbling on what was me good right leg lmfao.....

I saw me consultant a few weeks ago, he was fairly happy in a not so happy way about the left knee he had done the replacement on (remembing I had been back into hospital 2 more times with it having it reopened and fiddled with lol)... so I mentioned me good leg and the pain in me knee and said I thought I might of pulled something.....

Ya see 5 yearas ago I snapped both me acl and me pcl playing football, I use to play proper when younger in a team that travelled Europe and this country, it was the best years of me life and I wouldnt swap them for anything.... so I was badgered into playing in a charity football match 5 years ago.... well in scoring a 20 yrd goal I turned in my victory salute and me foot stayed planted in the mud and me knee twisted and just snapped both me acl and me pcl.... so eventually I had reconstructed surgery on them lol they took me hamstring and drilled holes in me bones and used the hamstring like an elastic band and screwed and plated it into place.... it took yonks to heal and for me to be able to get back into sports.... but heal it did.....



These are the screws in me good knee, this is not my Xray but one from a different acl reconstruction, mine has a tiny plate in it with the screws... but it gives you the idea who what he has to dig out lol before he can do the main surgery...

So, me consultant does all these acl tests by pulling and shoving me knee much to me almost screams LOL.... but he said the acl was still intact, so he sent me round the corner for an Xray....

I went back to his room to face not smiling faces, sit Mel he said..... you my dear must be one of the most unluckiest patients Ive had for a long time... ya aint resnapped ya acl what ya did when ya put ya good leg out to steady yaself is this.... it must of been at a strange angle cos the cartlidge has shot out and is lodged in about 8 bits behind you kneecap and your main bones are sitting on each other, technically you shouldnt be able to even bend you knee, you really do have a high pain threashold.... but cos of that the bones have worn and I have no choice but to repeat a complete knee replacement on what was ya good leg..... NOW this week if possible.....

Well the shock of it put me in floods of tears and I DONT do tears often.... how could this be happening to me, after the shit year I had with the other one....

He said, Mel, listen, we will rebuild you, ya just unlucky this time..... I told him to keep his empty promises cos I had heard empty promises all me life....well I also told him I couldnt go in NOW cos I have much to organise and my Jacob will be in the middle of his major school exams until the end of June.... so he said with much unhappiness that he will put me down for surgery then.... he said this one will be a little more difficult cos he has to dig the screws and the little plate out from me acl reconstruction and then take a bit of hip bone for a graft to plug the holes before he can get the cutting gear on me knee...... oh fucking joy....

Only, the week before last I got a letter from him saying that I really cant put it off any more and that he really needed me in asap, and he gave me the date of 1 June.... thats next Monday.... thats tomorrow.....

My boy will be in the middle of his exams and could really do with me here, but on the other hand me consultant is quite addiment that he wants me in NOW....

So...... mixed emotions...... the fear has kicked in big time, cos of all the shit from the last one, not just physically but emotionally and mentally..... not having anyone here that really cares except me lads is hard.... no hand to hold, not even a hug to go into hospital with.... so the lonieless thoughts are well and truely with me today.... and I dont know if I actually have the strength to go through again all that I went through last year... Im so use to hobbling around I dont know what walking or hiking proper is.... I always make the best of a bad thing and except for the excrusiating pain and the total knackeredness, I sort of am use to living this way....



Of course it dont help to read this on me consent form... DEATH... I asked me consultant who will is me surgeon not to let me die, Im all me lads have... he said, it aint guaranteed but he will try his dammest not to let that happen said he aint lost one yet... oh joy..

Again the question of being self employed, I wont get any help financially whilst Im off work so as much as me consultant has said NO WORK FOR at least 8-10 weeks this time and has written me a sick certificate for 6 weeks and a pre-dated one for another 6 weeks, they aint really worth the paper they are written on.......

I rang the benefits office to see if there was any help I could expect whilst I was out of work and recuping.... $80 a week she said lol so I asked if it would help if I was a 'black jewish lesbian with 5 kids and no thought of working in the future' she said she didnt find that comment funny.... I told her I was not joking and if it would help my cause then I become one....

Anyways suffice to say I told them to shove it up their arse and I will sort it meself....... so, unlike me maties when they are sick or unable to work, not that any of them have had major surgery, I will HAVE to drag myself back to work after 3 weeks no matter how much pain or how shit I feel, its different for me maties they have big families around to help and working hubbies to take the strain financially for a few months...... me well, I'll have my Sam and Jacob here LOL so it will be up to me to get back to work no matter what me consultant says...he aint gonna pay me mortgage or bills is he... he aint wearing my shoes, but it means I wont be able to recover proper or rest or recup..... fuck it aye, the story of me life..... aint had anyone before that gave a dam, so dont know why I thought I would have it now lol....

So, Im the most frightened I have even been in me life, cos I know what was what from last time, and as much as I try to stay positive thinking it wont go tits up again, this is me we are talking about and life always smacks me in the face with all its got...... I must of been one hell of a bad kid to have this life I have....

And cos of a comment left on Twaddle a few months back by a commenter that I thought was a friend, Ive found it very difficult to share my fears with anyone but a couple of people.... sometimes harsh misdirected words to another person, such as towards me, can have a devastating affect, it meant I kept this news and problems to meself.... cos I didnt wanna seem needy......

Also with me matie fighting her illness, mine in comparison is nuffin.... so Ive carried that guilt also.....

Anyways I could go on and on about this, but its hard to type through the tears.... just feel so alone with this again.......

Im driving meself to the hospital tomorrow for 7am.... I'll leave me car there and figure out how to get me and the car home when they release me....I didnt wanna make a fuss with me maties as to how to get there, they are already having me minded nippers for me....... and cos again of those harsh words from a commenter I feel I should just do this all on me own...... me consultant said cos of what happened before and how I dont do to well with surgery, he wants to keep me in for 10 days....... I told him to shove that and I need to be out by the weekend, cos its also my Jacobs birthday on the 10th.... so we will see, as soon as Im on crutches Im out of there.... need to be here for my Jacob.... got others and responsibilities to put first before meself....

I also have me NVW3 assessment on the 9th and an appointment with a solicitor on the 11th about me tosser X, Ive had the last broken rib off of him....... thats all great aye after major surgery a week before LOL....so you see I need to be out by the weekend...dont know how Im gonna get home or get me car home yet lol Ive been practising driving me car using me left leg this week instead of me what will be me operationed leg...... nearly went into the back of 2 cars and mounted the pavement LOL so I will have to play driving me car home straight after surgery by ear LOL...

So, I wont be around for a while...if at all....maybe this is a good closing point for Twaddle.... Ive put to much of my inner self on these pages over the last 2 years and Im usually a very private person....we'll see........ its all a load of bollocks anyways...........

I have much to do and still to organise.... need to fill the fridge and freezer for Sam and Jacob and sort the house and washing out and the garden....

But on a lighter note, it would of been me mums 83rd birthday today.... Im said all I came about me mum before here and there aint really anything to say about me mum, except I wish it had been different, maybe I wouldnt feel so lonely and unloved now LOL

So a few photos to finish with, as a treat, if you have read down this far with this boring post....



me strawberry plants, we decided to put them in a hanging basket this year lol



My boys at our Toms engagement Party last December.... thats my Jacob on the left, then Sam, Tom and Ben.... Jacob and Toms hair is shorter now..



My Janet that I love beyond measure LMFAO daft cow that I am..



Yesterday whilst in me garden cutting the grass and watering all me hanging baskets and tubs and seedings.... I took this photo thinking...... I really shouldnt of electrical cables for the mower and me hose so close together lol

Ok, Im just rambling here now....... so I will go with my fears and tears and loneliness and try and get all that I need to do done today....

And if anyone wants to come over to hold me hand and stay for a week so I can sleep LOl then you only have til 6.30am tomorrow morning to get here lol....

So Im gutted and scared shitless...

Be safe maties..... know you are loved...

x

86 comments:

Lisa said...

Well, you and I have talked at length about this, so there isn't much more to add. I hate that you have to do this right now, or at all, but you ARE one the strongest people I know. If anyone can handle it, it's you dear Mel.

Couldn't one of your boys drive you, hold your hand and bring you home? Seems the least they could do for you since you squeezed them out of your hoo-hoo like a giant pot roast all those years ago!!

Please let us hear from you, whining or crying or crabby... whatever. We'll take it all!

And don't you worry about Steve the Shed. He already has a wide ramp and double doors. Stud Muffin sends his best wished and hopes, and says given the situation, you are welcome to stay IN the house when you visit!

Maggie May said...

Oh Mel...... so sorry about this. Makes me mad when I hear about all the people who live off the state & get everything they need and people who are self employed like my husband was (most of his life) & you, get no help whatsoever when push comes to shove. That is why I am working till I'm 70 (or until I drop!)

You are like us....... bloody well do it yourself and be independent.
Will be thinking of you and hope it is very straightforward this time round. ((hugs)) X

MarmiteToasty said...

Just a quickie before I nip to ASDA to get the groceries in for Sam and Jacob whilst Im not around... will have to do me groceries on line when I get home...

~(((Lisa))))~ yeah I know, Im just being daft, I can do anything right? this aint nuffin to some stuff in me life right? maybe Im just all 'stuffed out' lol....

As regards me lads, our Tom who lives with his girl, well there car is in the garage not working, Sams Car is down the back of me garden and was in a crash and is undriveable, our Ben only has a motorbike so I dont fancy a ride on that with me bag, and Jacob at 15 only has a BMX and its a long way to peddle to Gosport lol and no one but me is insured for my car.... tiz ok, I will sort meself out.... I might take you up on Steve the Shed when Im well enough to fly.... was promised time at paradise last time and like everything else it was all bullshit lol.... xxxxxxx

~(((Maggie))))~ I was totally gobsmacked at the benefits agency.... never claimed a penny in me life when I could of, when I had 4 school age kids to raise on me own.. and the only time Im asked for help, its not available lol.... goes back to me childhood, its easier not to ask cos no one really gives a fuck LOL

I to will have to work til I drop.... no partner here to share the costs and no pension, put all me money into raising me lads, but I do have me little house..... I can never retired, unless a knight in shining armour comes along lmfao.... and Im thinking they might be more trouble then anything...xxxxxx

OK, I doubt I will be able to get back on here today... and I go in first thing in the morning..... so, slater maties......X

Intense Guy said...

I don't even know what to begin to say.

Hugs you tight - I'm saddened by how you feel so alone - you aren't but I know what you mean - no one is right there with you - there are so many 'if onlys' in life...

I'll be hoping for the best for you - and to use the words of someone I admire a lot...

"know you are loved"

Denney Crane said...

I will pray for a miraculous recovery... I hope you will listen to your consultant though, your health is more important than your job.

If you shutdown your blog, how would you vent? Although, I have trouble ready English from England, I enjoy reading you... without faith, we fear!

Deanna said...

You are in my prayers and my heart, Mel.

I cried as I read this - not feeling sorry for you, but for the pain you have gone through. You so deserve to be down.

Maybe your twat neighbor would drive you to the hospital? lol j/k. How about one of the lads drive you in your car. Or call a cab?

I keep typing and then backspacing because there really isn't a right thing to say other than know you are loved and we need you. Huge hugs to a wonderful lady.

Jen said...

I don't know what to say. My heart is hurting for you. You are in my prayers today and always.

LandShark 5150 said...

Marmy- seems to me that you are feeling more anger than anything. Hell me should know, i've had seven, yes 7, knee doctor cuts, and me lastest right shoulder cut on. Me wife knows that I can't sit and wait on recovery. I get bored sitting watching the tele. I go outdoors and push it. Being in me late 40's, I'm more mad at the fact me body can't do the things me mind says I can.
Raised a boy and girl thru all sports and as a kid, I played all sports and pay the price today. I can't go back and change that and that really pisses me off. I couldn't run out of me house if it were afire.
But I'm learning that age is a real --(you brits have a GOOD word for it), starts with a c, ends with a t. And since I can't UN do the past, me has to UN do me way of thinking.
I enjoy the mad ramblings from ya. It is healthy for us both. We all go thru it, and by the response I read from your friends -- you're surrounded by loved ones.
I have seen this(government) kinda thing everywhere. We as humans always get by. Governments can't without being a leach, a parasite, you and I aren't. And that's what is so great -- we have power over them to starve them if we work together, in one direction. We ask for nothing other than to be left alone and to be free to make our own way without their meddling in our affairs. Starving leviathon is our only way out of this mess. Way to much of me ramblings deary.
It is a mental phase and it to will pass. Love ya, sharky

Lisa said...

BTW, your four boys are a bunch of hotties! I'm sure it makes their day to hear that from a middle-aged Doodle!! LOL

I'm just saying, is all!

Dumdad said...

You really have been up against it these past few years. Your honesty on your blog has touched a chord among many people, myself included. You can tell that by the many comments you attract to each of your posts.

I wish you the best of luck in these coming days. It must be exceptionally hard not to have someone there to hold your hand and comfort you (apart from your boys). I realise how lucky I am to have my wife to care for me in times of illness (and vice versa).

Your many fans will be wishing and praying that your latest bout of surgery will go well and you'll soon be out and about.

Bon courage!

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm so sorry. I can imagine. You've been through the wringer with this thing. We'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best.

ciara said...

(((((mel)))))))if i lived closer i would be there to hold your hand and drive the bloody car home. tho i'm not sure if i can drive it w the steering wheel and driving on the wrong side of the roads lol but there's this stupid little pond between us :-/

i will be thinking about you tomorrow. know that you are loved from way over here in california xoxoxo

and whomever the person is that gave you hard time in the comments eff em!

Akelamalu said...

You and I have already discussed this Mel and you know how I feel for you honey. I just wish I lived closer I'd take you to the hospital, visit you and bring you home you know I would. You really should rely on your boys a bit more. You brought them up, they're made of the same stern stuff as you and would rise to the challenge I'm sure. Let them take care of you a little babe, trust them - you and they will be better for it. I'll be thinking of you and sending Reiki every day. If there's anything at all you think I can do to help just tell me and if I can I will willingly.

Be brave, be strong, have faith, it will be OK. xxxx

Cedar Street Kid said...

My best to you, my friend. My wife will be going though the same thing sometime in the future. She was born tih only 1/2 knee cap in each knee.So, I can relate. You will be fine, and soon will be as good as new.

emptynester said...

Tell your boys how you feel. They will come through for you. I shall be thinking of you.

LadyStyx said...

Oh hell. Everyone else has said what needed to be much better than I ever could. *HUGZ* Know you are loved by many.

Sorrow said...

Damn
damn
damn
well, everyone had said it so many ways
and so well..
just adding a hug...
((((((((((((((((((((((((Mel))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Lee Harris said...

Amiga,
I'm going to remain optimistic about your surgery and eventual return to blobbing. I look forward to some stories about twat hospital roommates and the crazy lady down the hall from you (Will she ever shut up?!) Take your camera and sense of humor.
I'm saying prayers for you now and will definitely call on the Big Guy more tomorrow.
Recover quickly and let us all know how you are doing soon.xoxox

Betty said...

I hope your surgery goes smoothly this time. But, don't try to do too much too soon afterward, ok? And, don't stop blogging! You would be missed by many people,including me.
I'll be thinking of you.

barefoot gardener said...

You take care of yourself, Marmy...I will be thinking of you

Kati said...

OMG Toasty!!! Well of course you're scared half to death!!! Please, sweety.... If you weren't scared, it just wouldn't be normal. Wish there was more I could do, but at the very least you've got my best wishes & prayers for quick healing on this one!

(And, I'm with Lisa, tell one of your older boys that it's time he repaid ya for all the love you've showered on him all this time, and to help you get your surgery done and get ya home & recuperating. And honestly, if you express a desire for their help, I'm sure your boys will be falling all over themselves to do whatever they can. You've raised them well, and they love you, it's obvious. But, they may not realize how much you DO need their help at this point. Ya gotta tell 'em. Even the best of boys can be daft when it comes to seeing that an otherwise capable woman needs help.)

And yeah, any whinging or blubbering or ranting you wanna do, we're here & we'll listen, because you ARE loved!

Kim Chandler said...

Oh Mel I wish I was just down the road and could drive you there and back and wait on you hand and foot while you recuperate. Life's a bummer!! You certainly don't deserve this bad luck and I will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope all goes well and you are hopping about in no time. Ask for and accept all the help you can. BIG Hugs :)

terry b said...

Oooh, I know I don't usually comment, but you take big care my dear.

Dorkys Ramos said...

Hi, I've actually never been here before, but I've seen you around Iggy's blog all the time. I just wanted to pop in and wish you the best of luck tomorrow. I can only imagine how terrified you must feel, but if all of these people are right, then you will run right through this in no time. You seem to be quite the fighter! And be sure to take some time to recup!! Sending warm thoughts your way as you get through this :)

Bent said...

Marmite, don't hang up the blog. Just take the time you need. It will work out for better. You'll see just hangh in there. I had four surgeries on my back before they got it right. I'll pray for you and I plan to ship you some of Bent's brew in the next few weeks. It's good for what ails you!

basicliving@backtobasicliving.com said...

Marmy, after all you've been threw, this pales in comparison. You are strong. Your are beautiful. You are my hero. Please, just hang in there. Lordy, am I going to have to fly all the way over there and bop you on the head? You will do this. And you will be back to tell us all about it. And only YOU could do this. Because you are stronger than mere mortals. Your sense of humor, your love of life, and your distinctly unique way of conveying these things brings us all together to love.... well..... YOU.

Stay strong Mel. Know you ARE LOVED. And know that we need you. I hope you need us too.

BTW - chicks are hatching even as I type this. Want to come get a couple to keep Cedric, Maple, Marble, and Janet company? They are yours for the asking. You've just got to come get them, is all. Maybe while you're staying in Steve the Shed you'll want to take a little day trip. Bring Lisa with you. We'll make a day of it.

Penny

soul pumpkin said...

see Mel, it's like i said...you are loved the world over...and you know me well enough by now that i deal with adversity with humour...

so here's a joke for ye...

Why did the siamese twins move to England?


...because the other one wanted drive for a while...
( i didn't say it was a GOOD joke)


...anxiously awaiting your return...

eZ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EastEndMom said...

Mel, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and sending lots of good healing thoughts your way. I agree with Kati - you have wonderful boys whom you've raised to be capable adults - but you need to let them know that you need them to be the strong ones for awhile. I know - I have adult children too - it's so hard to switch those roles! You've always been the strong one, but you need a rest. Please don't hang up the blog - I may not comment often, but am always out here reading. Love from me & my family in NJ

ChrisB said...

Oh Mel reading this brought a tear to my eye. You are much loved by many people. You are brave and feisty and make the best of every situation you find yourself having to deal with. I certainly wish I was close enough to pop over and help you out.

Don't get me started on the benefit system it never helps the right people. Just send your expenses to one of the MP's and ask them to claim it for you on their expenses!

I'll be thinking of you and am sending lots of ((hugs)) to you.

Silver Valley Girl said...

My prayers are with you. I wish our whole family could come and take over for you and take care of you for a few weeks. We would cook and clean and hold your hand. Know we are doing it across the miles. We all love you, MT, and I know you'll make it through this. Bless you!!

raymond pert said...

Silver Valley Girl is right.

And I will be joining in the multitude of prayers and good thoughts coming your way.

Bless You, Mel.

Mr. Pert

Anonymous said...

Life is short, play your fiddle while you can (lol, I know it's not exact).

Thinking of you,

MikeS

JeanieSpokane said...

Dang it - you'll probably not read my comment before you leave for surgery. I'm thinking of you, Marmie. If I were there, I'd drive you and visit you and bring you home. My prayers are focused on you and your recovery. Don't worry about you and God - I've got that taken care of. This will be a perfect surgery - after all, they've been practicing a lot - they should get it right this time.

Like Bent said - don't give up your writing. Rest and recoup. I'll be watching for you in a couple weeks.

Many hugs, you are my heart friend.

Tori_z said...

*Hugs*

Oh, Mel... It never rains but it pours... It was bad enough that you had to go through it once, but now the other leg too? :(

I wish you didn't have to go through this on your own. It's bad enough you're going through it, but with nobody beside you... *Sigh*... I'd come and hold your hand if I could... Really I would. I'll be thinking of you though. *Hugs*

Hang in there, and keep fighting!

green libertarian said...

I'll be holding your hand Mel. It's an honor and a privilege.

This too shall pass.
((((((((MEL))))))))))

x
Know that you ARE loved. By many.

It's Just Me said...

Mel - I hope and pray that the good karma that you spread everywhere comes back to you during this time - tenfold!

You bring such joy to so many people - you just have to know we are all thinking of you and holding your hand however we can. Hang in there and know that if we could I think we'd all be there now!

Playwright Chick said...

I just love your TWADDLE everyday rubbish...never boring! Fab surgical pics! As good as the surgery channel! HOO-HA!

JBelle said...

Good Lord. I missed the whole thing, Mel. damn. call me. i'll be waiting. (big smooch to Mel)

Wil said...

Jeez, I guess my life isn't as bad as I thought it was! Don't close up shop now, I just got here. Go and do what you gotta do, we'll be here when you get back. Best of luck to you, give it hell!

Wil Harrison.com

Robin said...

Mel... If you need it, DON"T YOU DARE stop posting how you feel here. It may be from far away, but many, many of us truly love you and carry you around in our hearts. You are not just another blogger that we read and then click away from.

I, for one, have begun saying prayers, lighting candles and killing (tofu) chickens for you and will until I know you're sane, unafraid, and strong once again.

And no guilt over all those feeling because another friend is going through a different battle. This is yours, right now and it's no small thing.

If I could afford it, I would be there yesterday~ with Jolie in tow.

Love you,
Robin

Not Waving but Drowning said...

Be safe yourself and know that you'll be missed.

I'll be thinking of you,

GG

Cindy said...

I didn't get around to any blogs these last couple of days so now, here it is Monday and you're probably already in surgery. Mel, I don't know about that one traitor blogger who commented, but I do know about me and all the rest of these people here on your blog- we all love you dearly. And we're all praying and pulling for you as you go through this, yet again. I so wish there was something I could do to actually help you, but, like someone else said- there's this big pond between here and there. Know that I will be keeping you in prayer as I'm sure many others here will be as well. You are probably the strongest and most resilient person I know- you will get through this. As for maybe dropping the blog- I hope you don't- hey, look at all these people here just for you. We may never have met in person but we love you just as much as if we had. There's no pond between our hearts and yours.

Beth Bollinger said...

Me too - read it after surgery will be done - maybe that's a good thing - we're here to greet you when all goes well! Tough stuff. Will be thinking of you much this week as you make your way back home.

jolie-jordan said...

Melody Dear You,

Ahh...my sweet...you know where my heart and thoughts are. I, of course, have you up front in my thoughts. No back burner for you. I bounce between being pissed at the world for the unfairness that I see (another surgery for you) to being my practical old self and thinking that yep...there goes another knee. Goofy girl pushes herself too hard...that'd be you...the goofy girl.

Like them lads of yours couldn't buy their own food. I need to give you some toughin' up lessons, don't I? Oh boy...big talker me, eh? But truly....it is time for them to take care of your needs now and I know they are good lads and can do it.

So okay...I have braced myself for your' whining and such. Let it roll girl. I think it was great that last time when you was hurting and scared and depressed that you had this safe place called blogtown with all of us bloggie friends to listen and let you know you are loved and that people care. And we all have such great advise. What good are friends if we don't give good advise?

And we still do and we are still here for you. As you know (from my e-mail) I wish I could do more and be more of a presence for you. I still say we should have robbed that dammed bank...but oh no..you and Robin have to be such chicken shits and so dammed honest.

Still maybe we could kype a jet from GM so we could come for a visit and drag you back here to the States. I hear GM is keeping the jet in hiding and actually driving cars these days.

Ahh...sorry...I couldn't help myself. No dammed driving for you. I know that lads love to get behind the wheel every chance they get. Remember a seat belt though.

Love you girl and am waiting to hear how things turned out. I'm thinking this time it'll be a breeze.

Don’t you find it rather eerie that your Mom and my Mom & Dad shared the same birthday? My Dad would’ve been 83 too and my Mom would have been 82. Makes me bones shiver sometimes at the similarities that we share...and you know what I mean.

I even have pink clogs for my feet like the one’s you have on in your garden photo. Eerie...me thinks. Of course I have black, yellow, lime gree and purple ones too. I need to get red if I ever have money again. One can just never have to many pairs of clogs. I do have a touch of Dutch in me from my Grandpa O.'s side.

And yes you may be wise to get the electric away from the water.

Good luch sweetie.

Your Bestest girl...Jolie

Anonymous said...

Oh, my goodness! My heart goes out to you and your lads and I wish you a speedy recovery. For over a year I've been visiting here, enjoying your blog so very much but too shy to tell you how much I appreciate your stories and your pictures. I feel like you are a friend and I wish I could help. You've made a difference in my life - brought me a smile or a good laugh when I was feeling down, reminded me of good times with my own children - I've so enjoyed your blog. You are an amazing and strong woman. I admire you so very much and shall keep you in my heart, sending hugs along with your other many friends all over the world.
- Daisy in Arizona

Intense Guy said...

Just popped in to say I was thinking about you - the surgery should have been done by this time today... I hope it went well and you have a speedy recovery.

Bina said...

DAMNIT! By the time I read this, you were probably done with surgery. My God Mel. I can't even begin to tell you how very sorry I am that this happened. I remember you other ordeal well, and I hope this one goes so much better. God how I wish I had money to come there and help you, hold your hand, clean your house, water your plants, let you teach me how to cook! LOL

I'll pray for a quick recover and that everything goes as smoothly as possible. Just please, don't leave us, and don't let some asshat commenter keep you from saying what you want, okay?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Lulda Casadaga said...

I pray that your surgery went well...you are very strong, my friend, and I know you will get thru this setback!
I just wish I had renewed my passport, then I could fly over and help...well, I'm sending the next best thing...positive vibes & LOVE to you my dear syber sista! :)

I hope you stay on with your blog because we all care about you out here in cyberworld. Keep the faith and forget about the deadbeats.
I'm sure your sons will come to your aid and help out...they better! :D

SisterOne said...

You are in my prayers...

buffalodick said...

Well, I sent you an E-mail, and as I have had some health issues, I think I understand your fear. It is not the pain, but the possibilities...Remember, good also can come from these things.. remain positive, as you always seem to do- and we all pray this next bout will go well for you..

inlandempiregirl said...

I didn't get to my blog reading until today so I missed wishing you well in surgery. My wish is the same as my sibling... we would have loved to have come across the pond to take care of everything with Mom in tow to weave her magic with food and warm thoughts. My prayers are with you today and I know you have an inner strength to pull through. Take time for yourself dear friend.

goatman said...

If kind thoughts and gentle people could bring you through and lighten your load we will.
Just think of how you will brighten the hospital wards once again!!
My prayers are with you Mel.

Elizabeth said...

If anyone can get thru this it's you, Mel. I know it doesn't help in a practical sense, but wow--look how many people would drop everything to help you if only they could!
I'm hoping you'll be back--in fine shape and cracking us up with the stories of things that only seem to happen to you...

Frum Helen Back said...

Oh my but I have a heavy heart from reading what you are going through. It's terrible that you are so very far away. Please hobble or crawl to your computer to let us know how you are. I know we all will be so very worried about our special matie. Much love going your way from over the pond.

some guy who blogs said...

Marmee, Marmee...gosh, not another surgery...I guess one has to do what one must in order to keep money flowing towards the Medical Community...

Your knee-picture made me think of my Colonoscopy a couple years ago...the doctor actually took pictures "in there"...that's a part of me I hope I don't have to see too often...

I wish there was something, anything I could type here to make you feel better, and I don't know what to say except I care about you and I know your sense of humor will get ya thru this. Take care...

Flowerpot said...

Marmie I am so sorry you hav to go through this but you will get through it fine - take care and big hugs xxx

Cindy said...

Mel, the package arrived today! Libby and I had a ball exploring all the goodies enclosed. Thank you! I had to laugh at the little heart shaped Marmite sample. I'm going to put it on my kitchen window sill where it will remind of you every time I see it.
I've been thinking of you and praying for you, wondering how you're doing now that your surgery is over with. I sure hope you have a much better time of it this time around than the last. Remember, we're all here for you.

I showed Libby the photo of your boys in this post- thought I was going to have to mop the floor for all her drooling! Hope those handsome guys are waiting on you hand and foot.

Robin said...

Just checking in.

If I were at hospital (isn't that how you guys say it?) I'd be pulling back the curtain or quietly opening the door to your room.

I'd leave a flower on your bedside table, along with a piece of chocolate shaped like a chicken.

I'd badger the nurses so often that once you were yourself they would ask you who the hell I was.

While you were sleeping, I'd kiss you on the forehead.

Once it was safe, I'd drive you home and cook dinner for you and your lads.

Then I'd sit on the side of your bed and we would tell each other secrets until you fell asleep.

As it is, I'm still just checking in and willing you to be okay.

PinkAcorn said...

Well, hellers. You are one tough cookie and looks like a lot of people loves ya by the goo-gobs of replys on your blog. I know it's hard raising boys and working but I've not had it as hard as you. I do wish you a speedy recovery and if there were anyting I could do on my end of the world I would. I just had an ATV accident and I'm off work till who knows when...at least I get some resolve with my paycheck..even if I do have to jump through some hoops. Keep us posted when your better. XOXO

AliceKay said...

I hope the surgery went well and you're back at home soon. By the looks of this comment section, you are loved....by many.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*

JBelle said...

Melody! WHAT UP?

Queenie Jeannie said...

I'm late to your party. I hope you are recovering well from surgery!!! All these people love you so much and you have to feel better knowing that!

Hugs and prayers for you and your boys!!!

PS The cow at the benefits office is a WANKER!!!!

Frum Helen Back said...

I keep hoping you will come home and be ready for blogging.

soul pumpkin said...

anxiously awaiting words...c'mon Mel, even if it's just a mumble and a groan...

jolie-jordan said...

I'm still here checking in to see if there is any word yet. Wanting to hear how you are doing and at the same time hoping you are still at hospital and not trying to rush home too soon.

I'm sending you healing vibes, my sweet.

Love you Mel, Jolie

EastEndMom said...

Sent you an email, Mel, but an anxiously checking back here waiting for you to reappear. Hope you're home at this point and settling in. If you were in doodleland they would have kicked you out of the hospital after a day and lucky if they didn't expect you to walk home! That is if they didn't just do the surgery outpatient ..... spending time in the hospital to recover a bit first is a much more sensible approach.

LadyStyx said...

Just droppin in to leave a big huge *HUGZ*. Am thinkin about you hun.

Frum Helen Back said...

I keep checking to see if you have found your way to the puter. Just want you to know that you are still in my thoughts. I hope it's not too painful dear Melody.

Winifred said...

You have had a rotten time so I hope and pray your surgery goes well this time.

Wish I lived nearer to you too I'd hold your hand and give you a big hug.

I love your photos, very nice especially the chook.

Please come back and blog, maybe it will be therapeutic for you, we all enjoy it.

Shelley Gumbeigh said...

Hi Mel, I'll add my voice to the chorus of caring friends from around the world. I hope your surgery went better this time and that you are keeping up your spirits despite this latest challenge. I'm looking forward to hearing that you're ok (and I'm sure you'll have some funny hospital stories to share too). XOXOXO.

Cindy said...

Just checking in to see if you've gotten home yet. Hope you are doing better each day.

Not Waving but Drowning said...

Just popped in to see if you're okay and back home.

Have been thinking about you,

GG

basicliving@backtobasicliving.com said...

Can't you even hobble over to the computer and let us know how you are? We're thinking of you Mel - and we NEED to hear from you.

Kirby said...

Marmie - I a so so sorry I didnt read this earlier, I can't check up on my bloggy friends at work anymore and you know how hectic things for a mom can get at home... BUT I wish I'd known you had to go through this again... how fking how awful. I am taking the opportunity now to tell you how much you are respected, appreciated and loved; lots of folks are waiting for a nod that things are at least looking brighter. Lots of love and a more than a few prays coming your way.

Jackie said...

Well, Dear Mel...I'm late in reading this also. I've let other things control my life...concerns and worries of which I have no control. I don't know why I do that! Mel...at the moment, I have no health issues, no financial issues, nothing I can really pin-point. But I am scared too. Of what? I don't know. It has been more difficult to "practice what I preach"...about knowing wherein my strength lies...within a loving God who can take our problems and whisk them away in a breath. I am praying that He will lessen your fears and you'll come out of all this as strong as ever. You have been such an inspiration to me. Please don't give up...

Slip said...

Dear Dear Mel
I have been a bad blogger lately. Between life and shity equipment but keeping up with folks! Now you lay this bad good knee on me, creating a major guilt trip.

You get well girl and don't worry about losing your career as a panty hose model. Love you slipshod

chupacabra said...

"Fears and tears" to say the least. I'm so sorry Mel. I hate all this for you and wish I could do something to make it better. I'm thinking about you.

Robin said...

A little bird we know is chirping up a storm. Un-effing believable.

Hang in there. Know that you are so loved and that we are all pulling for you.

I'd say, 'chin up', but if you were here I'd tell you to put it down and cry for as long as you wanted....

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Pamela said...

so sorry I was away - and missed encouraging you.

Eastendmom said...

Oh Mel .... where are you????

Robin said...

Just stopping in to check up on you.

I see I have something to worry about.

UKBob said...

I wonder how your strawbs are doing? Growing them in a hanging basket is a great idea, especially if you have problems with slugs and snails also when the fruit is on the berries will be kept clean.

MarmiteToasty said...

Bob - they have grown much better then I could of imagined... they hang down the sides of the baskets and have fruited and have been picked and picked, from just 5 plants we have had bowls of strawberries, the first bowl the strawberries were HUGE but are smaller now and not that many left, but all the strawberry runners are growing which I need to pot up so that I have 4 times the amount of plants next year..... I will try and remember to post a photo in me next Twaddle post :).... and yes, its a great way to grow them and no messy straw anywhere in sight...xxxxxx

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