It Was Only A Bloody Starling - Gawds Sake...Piles My Arse...

Ok.......... So yesterday was Sunday and we are having amazingly HOT weather here for this time of year....... yesterday was like the weather we get in the middle of summer......... so I pottered about me little garden, tidying it up so that me minded nippers can get out there in the coming week......... then I thought Id ring JBelle and have a chat, cos we aint talked for a while........... gawds sake, she could talk the hind legs off a donkey lol........... anyways whilst on the phone, one or tuther of me lads would poke their head round the door and make hand signs meaning they was hungry LMFAO.......... so the next head that popped round the door I just said........ FIND SOMETHING AND YOU COOK IT......

So almost 1 1/2 hours later when JBelle eventually hung up the phone ;) I wandered out the back garden to the lovely surprise of a BBQ in full smoke and the table spread with a cloth and plates and cultery and drinks all ready......... BLIMEY....... so that was nice...... I didnt have to do a thing..... sorted......... so there we was munching away, when my Tom says, mum can we get the guns out........... MY EYES OPENED WIDE AND IT FELT LIKE ME HEAD was gonna explode.......... no No NO I said, not after what happened last time........

Look, let me explain....... last year I think it was, we was having a BBQ in the back garden, I think me doodle maties call it grilling or a cook out, which sounds a tad daft if ya ask me....... you must understand that me little garden it typically turn of the last century LONG THIN garden..... but we dont have houses backing into us, so its quite nice........

We dont have guns as such, not like doodles do, when I say gun it means like a BB hand gun or a BB rifle.....but they could have ya eye out..... and often we will get them out and set up a target down the garden, but after a while that does tend to get boring.......

So there we was, soaking up the sun, munching on kebabs, and things when I spy this Starling bird on our telly aerial way up on the roof....... so as a joke I says, we could always pop the starlings off the roof....... go on then mum, said my Ben...... me, well I cant shoot for toffee, and I aint into killing things thats for sure....unless its slugs.... so I says....... ok give me the rifle....... so I takes aim at this little starling KNOWING that there was a 10 million to one chance that I would hit it, ya see the rifle didnt even have them sight things...... so I aims, and pop...... :( OMG OMG the poor starling topples backwards and is dangling from the aerial........ I do give out a scream where me lads were clapping and jumping around like I had just shot some mass murderer........ jebus, my stomach churned and my head whirled, what had I done...... there was this starling dangling from me telly aerial, probably just minding his own business and having a break from his screaming chicks......... but, I'll tell ya what, there was no one more surprised then me, and though I felt sort of sad there was this great beaming gobsmacking YEAH bloody hell......




Well we couldnt just leave the poor thing dangling from me aerial, so I suggest that my Ben climbs out of the bedroom window (we have bedrooms in the attic) and go and retrieve the creature so as least I could give it a well proper burial..... so a few minutes later we see him emerge from the bedroom window and start climbing onto the roof with shouts of 'becareful you dont fall' ... he crawled up to the aerial and untangled the dead starling and with that instead of climbing back through the window, he decided to lob the bird off the roof instead of carrying it through the house, so he shouts 'CATCH' - with that I run down the garden out of the way.....well the bloody bird only lands right in the middle of our little BBQ....... OMG well funny......... funny but well gross...... thank goodness we had already cooked our meat....... so after the laffing died down, we looked around at what else to have a pop at...

You must remember that ya allowed BB Guns in ya own garden, as long as ya dont fire over ya boundary fence....with our gun laws ya not even allowed to carry the gun outside the house in ya car, if you get caught with one in your car you get well done........ ... so the aerial was on my roof so techically we was ok........ but we had scared the other starlings along the rooftops to the aerial about 6 houses down the road.......... knowing that we was NOT allowed to shoot over the fence and also knowing that there was no way that we could even pop one, we did it anyways LMFAO............. ya see, there was no one around, and its only a BB rifle right?........ so Julie's house was the target....... POP omg the starling flopped off her roof and fell into what we thought was her garden..... we waited about 5 minutes and the birds returned, and POP another fell into her garden...we was getting well good at this...... we then heard shouting over the gardens of 'what the f**king hell and words of that nature, so we was giggling and hiding behind the fence......and I say, ok thats enough, lets stop....... so me lads wandered down the garden a little ways and was shooting what I thought was a target they had set up down the garden, I thought this cos I shouted....... WHATS THAT NOISE....... oh its just a target mum....... so I thought nuffin more about it and started clearing the plates etc.......

Thirty minutes later there is a very loud knock at me door, which I open to face 2 young coppers........ hello are you Mrs Mel (obviously they didnt say that, they said me last name)....... em, I says, it all depends on who is asking and what Im supposed to of done... *sweet smile*....... Emmmmmm do you or does anyone living here or anyone visiting own a gun....... a gun, I says, what a real gun...... yes the copper says.... what a gun with bullets....... Im presuming yes he says.......... see Im thinking, well our gun DONT have real bullets just BB pellet things......no officer, but what seems to be the problem............. someone, he says, has been shooting birds off Number 56s roof and there seems to be PILES OF THEM on their conservatory roof....inside Im laffing so hard at the vision of piles of starlings on their conservatory roof - gawds sake we only hit 2 thats hardly piles.... me, blank staring........ piles? I says, PILES? the only piles I know of is the piles that me mum use to say we would get as kids if we sat on the cold front step.......... this is a serious matter madam he says....... oh, I says........ please explain 'piles' ....... so he says, have you or do you know anyone in these premises that have been using a gun within the last hour........ because not only are their piles of birds on Number 56s conservatory roof but their very expensive Satellite has been shot at and has holes in........ oh my, I say, I didnt even know they had a satellite dish...... it is down the bottom of their garden madam, if I could have a look in your back garden I will be able to see if it can be seen from your garden...........

panic panic panic.......... have you got a warrant I casually ask...... to which the second copper burst out laffing....as did I...... I think you watch to much telly he says.......... oh I says, obviously something that Number 56 wont be doing for a while, if there satelite is knackered......... ok ya better come in........... and with that my Sam walks in the front room to see where I am..... ONLY CARRYING THE BLOODY GUN....... lol...... oh my I says........ where did you find that........ yeah right like they would fall for that.......

So we came clean and spill the beans... and they told us that its illegal to shoot over the gardens, be it up in the air and its highly illegal to shoot at someones satellite dish.......... but ya see, when me lads said they was shooting at a target, they actually were, cos the plonker bloke at number 56 had only painted his dish like a target........ what a wally............ so we was told off and had to promise NOT to do it again....... and go and apologise to the people at number 56......... so we sent Jacob LMFAO........

So yesterday there was NO WAY that I was gonna let them get the BBs out....... no way no how.......ok ok so I folded and we set up targets amongst the giggles..... it was a good 6 months before number 56 spoke to me again.......

Some people just aint got no sense of fun............

Ok, Ok, I know its not nice to kill things, even though starlings over here are classed as skankie pests........ and I would NEVER do it again....... ever...... well, not unless it was edible.... ok, maybe not even then....... Sorry :( if by killing these poor minding their own busines starlings anyone is offended...... then Im sorry........ and if you could see the look of guilt and sadness on me face then you would forgive me....... or not........ I aint bovvered though....... sigh

To much boring Twaddle for a Monday......