Bloody Weekend - Part I - Deaf Saturday

Ok.........What you have to know is that, I usually do me main grocery shop online with ASDA or Tesco (that means that someone does ya shopping for ya and they deliver at a time to suit you and it just costs £4-£5 on top of the cost of ya groceries) which are the 2 main supermarkets here... and then during the week I buy fresh fruit and veggie from the local greengrocers shop or the market, and I buy most of our meat from the butchers shop just up the road....... Im a firm believer in 'use em or lose em'........ I never buy me newspaper from the supermarket its always from our local newspaper shop, and lightbulbs etc from our village Ironmongers.......

BUT once in a while its actually nice *ha to wander around the supermarket for more hands on and tempting things.........

What you also have to remember is that for me to go grocery shopping on a SATURDAY it means our cupboards must be bare to the point that we have to lick our finger and rub the inside of the cupboard just to get a taste of treacle or sugar :).....

So...... the scene is set.... aint to happy about grocery shopping on a Saturday, so the mood you can imagine was ripe :)..... I gets me shopping trolley at the door and walk in..... only to find that the little ASDA as we call it which is a smaller shop compared to the BIG ASDA Hypermarket - is under refurbishment....... so everything is NOT where is should be..... they are making some bloody new fish counter and a new pizza counter so its put everything in a turmoil....... I WAS NOT APPY....... the aisles were narrower and it was packed with bloody people......

Anyways......how come I ALWAYS get the doddlers in front of me that pick up every packet and read all the labels...... the old and infirm...... ya know, ya old and infirm it dont really matter that its got to much salt or fat in it YOUR OLD AND INFIRM.... who actually gives a toss at your age..... gawds sake....... so in front of me is this couple, and Im sort of in a hurry down the biscuit aisle and the daft sods STOP dead in the middle of what I call the overtaking side LOL....... ok ok, only I know its the overtaking side, but still surely its common sense right? .....

So Im not really looking as such where Im going and they stop and I ram me shopping trolley right into the heels of the bloke..... almost bringing the poor sod to his knees, the noise he made, anyone would of thought I had swung a mallet at his head..... and in my defence, it was sort of his fault for stopping........ his wifey turned round and said something not nice to me........ when I looked he was rubbing his heels, which I will admit were bleeding LOL....... quite a bit....staining his white socks (white socks are so 80s)... ok, let me just say, this bloke was neither old or infirm..... well he looked mid fifties so I suppose that is a little old.........

I was just gonna say 'Im so very sorry' when the wifey continued to sort of rant a little at me.......... so I went into survival mode, which is something I often have to do when out with me Matie Ann....... it often gets us out of stickie situations, but I had never tried it on me own before, as Ann was not with me, so this would be a first.......

As the wifey is still ranting at me and he is still rubbing his bleeding heels making strange noises (please lordy dont make me have to do first aid on him).... me survival mode kicked in and I did the DEAF fake hand signs, yes, I pretended I was deaf and I couldnt understand them.... you know, surely you all do it sometimes?.... where ya use one hand and tap ya chin and ya hand and spread ya fingers and it looks like you are doing sign language......... ya nodding right?




So the wifey sees me and says 'oh Dave she is deaf, just leave her'...... to which I say in that sort of grunty deaf talk 'I mite b def but i aint dumb, arsehole'....... to which the wifey said 'oh my, Dave, she can lipread, dont let her see your lips' LMFAO HHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG so funny........ so they scurry, well he limps off....... so I grabs me trolley and overtakes them and smile as I pass.... and there at the end of the aisle is me matie Lucy, she is one of me minded kids mums........ she is so laffing, so very laffing, she had witnessed it all....... so we are there chatting when I turn round to see Dave and his wifey standing there with their gobs so wide that the Eurostar could of driven in...... so again I just smile sweetly.......

Now Dave was not nice calling me a bloody inconsiderate lying bastard...... which is not really the thing to shout out loud in aisle 3 in ASDA, is it - I wonder if I can get him banned.... I was so tempted to give him the middle finger sign..... but Im to much of a lady :)......

Enuff Twaddle for a Monday...

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