Thursday, 21 June 2007

On-Line Feline Surgery.......Ambrose Please Forgive Me.....

Ok................ I have this cat, actually I have 2, well, sort of 3, but one is like a part-time cat and lives somewhere else part of the year and tends to live with us in the winter..... anyways thats off track.......

I swore to meself about 20 years ago, that I would never love another animal after me mother had me dog put down to spite me, it was a dog that I had had when I was 16 and it became me best companion, I so loved that little dog, it was like me little bit love in a home that didnt have much...... its a long story, and I wont bore you with it on here, just suffice to say, that me little healthy dog was put down in a mean and spiteful act to try and punish me...... anyways, after the upset of that I said, I would never get attached to a little animal again....... cold hearted git I am...... but ya know me...... well it didnt last.... look at me love for Janet LOL and Eric to name a few.....

So one of me cats is called Ambrose...... Ive had Ambrose for 12 1/2 years...... I love this cat, I love this cat so much, that I would run into a burning building to save her......

She is a tail-less, skankie, scabby cat...... we are very well suited...... I love her and she LOVES me with a passion...... I can hardly go anywhere in me house or garden without her being at me feet.....and now with her and Janet Im surprised I aint fallen arse over tit tripping over the pair of them lol

So........ this morning when I walked down me stairs at 6.30 to bung the kettle on, imagine how me heart beat and the dread in me soul when I saw this.......

DSCF2204

I thought she was dead.....

Jebus me heart almost stopped, I had this huge lump in me throat...... it stopped me dead in me tracks...... oh no, oh no, please, please, not Ambrose....... so I slowly walked up to the computer table to where she was hanging over the edge, sort of dangling and went to touch her thinking she would be all stiff and riggered into that bent shape, when I must of startled her, cos she shot about 3 foot in the air in fright LOL......... oh bloody hell she had just been sleeping lol........

When I thought she was dead, it bought back a memory of a few years ago....... ciara might be able to remember it LOL........... ya see....... I use to chat in this place that I call the 'Gloomies' whats where I became friends with that slag ciara..... a mix of people use to chat in there, many many disturbed people lol, but a handful of real lovely maties..........this was before I was shown the world of blobs and blobbers....

Well, one evening I was sort of chatting to a few maties in there, when me cat Ambrose wandered in from the garden and jumped up onto the computer table........ usually when Im on the computer she can be found here......

DSCF2267

DSCF1771

This is where Ambrose sits when Im on the computer...... she needs to be near me lol

So....... me cat jumps up onto this computer table and I notice that her head on one side is about twice the size it should be...... her face on one side was all swollen and her eye was amost swollen shut.......

Well, one of the maties that I use to chat with in the 'Gloomies' was some sort of Pig Vet Doctor Person...... quite a clever blokie in his field, and he had been me matie for a while, so I mentions that me cat's head and face was sort of BIG ..... so he tells me grab her and look at the face proper...... which I do, and I tell him that the whole side of her face is hard but twice the size and there was 2 little puncture marks on the swollen bit.......... so he reckons that me little skinny skankie tail-less scabby cat Ambrose had probably got bitten by another animal and had some absess on its cheek...... and he said, oh Mel thats easy to deal with......... so I says..... what, me deal with........ so this is what happened......

He told me to get a towel, a sharp pointie thing, and something to disinfect the wound, and he would talk me through on-line in this chat room, what to do LOL...... so I gather the tools of the trade except the only sharp instrument I could find was me bread knife and the only sterilizing thing I could think of was a bottle of bleach and a tiny bottle of gin....... I was not sure what he meant by something to disinfect the wound, but thought bleach and gin sounded about right, cos I knew bleach well cleans our loos and gin Ive seen them pour on a wound on a film on the telly...... :).......

So I grabs the cat in a towel like me chatroom matie is telling me via me computer screen....... he then told me to make a tiny incision in the swelling and to gently squeeze and the poison (hence the swelling) would squeeze out, he warned me that it would stink, and that when I had popped the absess and squeezed the swelling, to then apply the stuff to sterilize the wound....... he didnt ask me what I was gonna use, I presume he thought I knew what I was doing lol.....

Well........ you aint seen nuffin like it....... I grabs Ambrose, gently digs the bread knife into the swelling, squeezes it gently (see was NOT happy with this and starts to struggle) all the time gagging cos the smell from the oozing pus...... she is still struggling a little, but I did have her wrapped in a towel....... so then I apply the bleach and the gin mixture to the open cut.......... BIG BIG BIG BLOODY MISTAKE..........

Now, whether it was that she would of preferred a nice brandy or a lovely malt whiskey or that she just didnt like the bleach gin mixture on an open wound, I aint sure........ but she meowwwwwwwed soooooo loud that I let me grip of the towel loose and she begain really struggling and clawing..... so I grabbed her collar and she went mental....... she forgot that it was me, me that loved her, me that was only trying to help...... and she clawed and fought and scratched and hissed and bit and scratched...... all the time, I still have hold of her, scared shitless now to let go LOL..... well I eventually let go cos I thought she was gonna claw me face as well as me arm........ she shot out the catflat as such a speed that the 2 sec magnetic lock delay didnt have time to work and she took the door with her LOL........

When I looked at the mess before me, there was blood everywhere..... but not from Ambrose it was coming from me LOL....... she had clawed me arm and wrist and the blood was spurting from a cut on me wrist ....... gawds sake....had to apply direct pressure for yonks to stop the flow lol...... good job I know what to do in an accident emergency.... all that medic training comes in handy sometimes......

Well me matie on the screen was saying (well he was typing)......... talk to me Mel, whats happening, have you done it.... LOL....... so I thought I had better give him a rundown...... and all he could do was laff and take the piss........ GIN AND BLEACH you used gin and bleach, are you MENTAL lol......... so I logged off and went to find me cat....... she eventually came back in after about an hour........ by then I had stopped me wrist bleeding and I rang the AniMed Vets which is open all hours........ it was now late sunday evening and the vet told me to take the cat over to them which is about 14 miles away.......... Jebus, sunday evening out of hours, this was gonna cost me, BUT...... I love me cat and it didnt matter......

So we get to the vets and I relay what happened........ first of all he was a little cross with me, and then he laffed and laffed and laffed....... he actually said I had done quite a good job with me 'online feline surgery' but the best thing I could now do was to get meself down the hospital cos he thought I needed stitches in me wrist LOL....... so I asked him if he could do it to save me a trip, with which he almost creased up with laughter........ but the funny thing is, I was being serious lol......

So 'on-line feline surgery' cost me £150 ($300) for the vets bills for the out of hour appointment and the anti-biotics for Ambrose me cat........ and also cost me a 2 hour wait down the hospital and 5 stictches in me wrist...........

So after the frantic evening, I eventually got back home with me cat and me wrist stitched and I drank the rest of the gin LOL......

But ya know what........ Ambrose forgave me, cos she knows I love her, and I was only trying to help.......

She has no tail cos me twat neighbour caught her tail in his garage door and the vet had to cut it off to save her life....this was about 8 years ago.. and she has real bad skin cos she has Eczema.......she never wanders out of the garden and she loves people and she loves me especially......

DSCF1788

She loves boxes...... remember that photo of her when she claimed the box with shredded paper that dear Starr had sent Cowie in......

march 05 019

She has to be next to me when Im in the garden, even if it means sitting in a flowerpot lol...

DSCF3142

I know this is a little dark, but Ambrose and Janet me chicken have become firm friends...... and usually where one can be found you will find the other......

Did I ever tell you, THIS IS ONE CRAZY BLOODY HOUSE......

Soooooooo......... if ya have any pets that need sussing and sorting, I have bleach and gin :)...... and a little scar on me wrist to prove me mentalness that Sunday night a couple of years ago LOL

No more 'On-Line Feline Surgery' for me....... EVER......

Way way to much boring twaddle for a summer solstice evening.......

x

73 comments:

dr.amazing said...

OMG - This is absolutely the funniest thing I've ever read. I've been lurking on your site for months, and have read some extraordinary stories from you, but this one is over the top. Possibly because I'm also a cat caregiver. Or possibly because I recall when my very first cat got into something particularly vile, and a formerly good friend said, "No problem, just take the cat into the shower with you, so he won't be afraid." No stitches were required, but it was close. Now you can explain to JBelle why it is that one of her friends/employees is weeping from laughter, and why one of the office chairs will probably have to be cleaned. Bravo on a truly magnificent post.

Scots said...

Bleach and gin ... what a bloody waste of good alcohol PMSL

This brightened up an otherwise god awful day :o)

I am imagining a scene from a horror movie ... bread knife raised above your head ... shadow in the background ... poor moggy wrapped in a towel cowering with fear .... cue the music ... EEEKK EEEKK EEEKK EEEKK

LMFAO ... loved the post :o)

X

Bugwit said...

Bleach? Are you crazy? And you've had medical training? When did they ever teach you to put bleach on a cut? ;-)

And poor Ambrose was doing so well (especially for a cat), patiently getting her face fileted and milked by you.

I think I might bite your wrist, too, if you threw bleach in my cut!

I swear, Mel, I'm going to visit you sometime, and you will not need to do anything to entertain me. Just let me sit in the corner and watch your daily doings.

OrdinaryShark said...

So Marmy - let me get this straight; the first thing you do upon see your beloved skanky scabby tailless beastie dead, or so you believe, on your table is...to take her picture? Always thinking about us readers, ain't ya. See, that's why you get so many readers, you've goot pictures. I've got to get more pictures.
Glad Abbrose is alright. Another fabulous "tail" for the book.

Ol' Lady said...

all I can say is...holy shit! and stay away from my dogs :o

Mom not Mum said...

LMAO That's what I was thinking. Hmm I think my cat is dead - hand me the camera.

I do have to admit my kids must think I'm equally insane. Hold on, I know you have a gushing head wound but I HAVE to get a picture of this for my friends online. lmao

cookieboy said...

what a story! Mel, you DO have a way with words. and like everyone else said..you think your cat's dead, so you take his picture?!? LMFAO

and ciara isn't the ONLY semi-normal person you met in the gloomies!!! lolol

I LOVE reading this stuff Mel - you have a hell of a fun life! and you make all of us smile...a lot!

**waving at ciara when she comes in**!

((((mel)))) xoxoxo see ya ;-)

The Woman said...

BWAHAHA! BWAHAHA! BWAHAHA!

Poor kitty! The gin might have work to disinfect, but the bleach? YIPE!

Glad you decided to take Ambrose and yourself to the appropriate doctors... I'm surprised you didn't try the g&b on your own wrist! ;o)

MarmiteToasty said...

CRIPES lol 10,066 the statcounters says..... and I didnt put it on until late march...... if only I could charge a quid everytime someone blurked on here, I could travel the world LOL......

~(((dr,amazing)))~ oh my, WELCOME :)..... maybe you could spill the beans as to what JBelle got from up the hallway from someone leaving and YOU said was it for me and JBelle replied 'shit no' or words to that affect.....

Sooooooooo, ya blurker welcome to the mad house.... I need to find meself a nice little blokie and go live a quiet life somewheres lol.... glad ya commented, now go scrub the chair LOL.......xx

~(((scottie)))~ sorry ya having a bad day....and what does PMSL mean, does it mean your having your 'man period' ya know 'ya monthly' LOL

and I didnt raise the knife above me head lol I actually held the blade, its a wonder I didnt slice me fingers off..... xxxxx

~((((bugwit))))~ pediatric medic training LOL...... and if you read on the bottle of bleach it says, and I quote 'gets rid of germs' LOL......

Ambrose is actually sitting on the mouse mat as I type and her little face not 6 inches from mine, and she keeps nuzzling me :) see, she loves me.....

*sitting Bugs on top of me fridge in a safe place* lol.....xxxxx

~((((((((((Sharkie))))))))))~ now you listen to me matie lol....... the camera was still already plugged into the computer nd that wire you see in the photo behind Ambrose is the connection wire thingie..... and the camera was right next to me cat........ and I had never seen a dead hanging over the edge of the table cat before..... so I just couldnt resist a photo.......OXO

CAN EVERYONE GO OVER TO SHARKIES BLOB AND MAKE A COMMENT, COS HE IS FEELING REAL LONELY OVER THERE, AND WE KNOW WHAT LONELY BLOKES GET UP TO ON THEIR OWN lol...... so please go visit him...... rolling me blob eyes....

~((((ol' lady)))))~ LOL@holy shit....... here doggie doggie LMFAO.......xxxxx

~(((momNmum))))~ the camera was right next to Ambrose lol I just couldnt resist..... I have photos of me lads as nippers hanging by one leg from the swing while I run and get me camera LOL..... and the time our Ben fell in me X's parents swimming pool that time, I knew I had a minute or two before I had to save him, the photos were great LOL.....xxxx

~((((((((((Cookieboy)))))))))~ welcome back :) - and yes you was one of me handfull of sane maties from the Gloomies LOL

*I LOVE reading this stuff Mel - you have a hell of a fun life! and you make all of us smile...a lot!*

YOU THINK THIS IS FUN lol handing Cookieboy me shoes to wear for a month, that will wipe that smile off ya face LMFAO........xxxxx

~(((the woman)))~ :) well after seeing the cat shoot out the catflap and taking the little flap off its hinges, I really thought I would give the gin and bleach mix a miss on me wrist...... I do have a lovely little scar though to remind me of me day LOL......

Bloody hell, its a quarter to one and its about time I buggered off under me duvet to bed...... Sharkie...... suss and sort this place out will ya, Im to knackered, and I'll have a nice cuppa tea before I doze off please LOL - nite maties.....xxx

Dr.John said...

Well I'M glad I don't have to do any cat surgery. We have only dogs. Most of the time we have only one of those.

Jen said...

I always look forward to your posts. You really know how to tell a story. I love it. And I'm glad all turned out well.

Interplanet Janet said...

Oh my God. ROTFL.....

As another who has had to perform the same "surgery" on my beloved feline soul mate and confidant, Nicholas, several times, I can tell you that I feel your pain. Literally! LOL! (But Hydrogen peroxide works much better than bleach and is less painful -hee hee).

My Nik is an adopted tabby street cat. He thinks he's a bad ass but he's really the biggest mama's boy you have ever seen. But he has had a few fights in his day.

The worst was when he came home with an abscess the size of (I kid you not) a baseball on his chest. We went to the vet for that one and he had to have surgery. They put a drainage tube in that I had to (bllleeeechhh) irrigate twice a day.

The problem was that they wanted this cat to wear a lampshade so he wouldn't tear at the stitches.

Riiiiiiiggghhtt..... and I'm John Travolta.

He probably would have killed himself trying to get it off. So I improvised. I cut the leg of a pair of old sweatpants off at the knee, cut out arm holes, and there he was - KITTY IN A TURTENECK MUSCLE SHIRT!!! OMG, was it funny. But it was brilliant because it kept him from doing further damage to himself. He wore it for 2 weeks.:)

Then, there was the time he attached himself to my head in a fit of terror... but we won't go there. Suffice it to say I was torn between saving my own head and hurting him...

Yep, I definitely understand the love for the pudder kitters. :)

JBelle said...

Productivity at my office has gone to crap.

OrdinaryShark said...

Alright you lot, clear out and make sure you put those glasses in the sink. Where is that cat? OMG is she...oh no...oh, wheew she's just doing a head stand. Not bad for no tail. Alright I gotta go and saw some logs. I'll leave the night light on.

fatty said...

i think ambrose is telling janet..
'run for it... she's got the bloody bleach!'
rofl....

ciara said...

crikey ((((mel))))lmfao over here...i remember the cat surgery, but i never knew the whole story. as i read this and saw the first photo, i'm thinking she's a well nutter lol only you, only you lol do u know janey from the gloomies? she calls me cat-hating bitch (said affectionately of course) lol i don't know WHY she would say that bout me...all i said was that they were good for target practice and if u want to become a cat lady which she then confessed to being lmao just know, i would never hurt an animal, even ones i don't like...tho i might have liked to give that sugery a go lmao jk knowing me, i'd pass out or throw up from the smell lol good thing ambrose didn't rip your eyes out lol btw i love ya even tho you're a cat lady, too lolol

and hey, why didn't u tell cookie no fiddling w the commenters? you should treat me better...you're the only one that can call me a slag and get away with it lmao

*waving back to cookie*

janet-lmao at turtleneck muscle shirt...like humans w muscle shirts aren't bad enough lol

InlandEmpireGirl said...

You never know when I might have a vet emergency at my house. You will be the person to call. I am impressed with your vet skills. I would be the same way with my pets. They are like other kids!

Akelamalu said...

Hey 10/10 for trying. You have a very forgiving cat! :)

the psycho therapist said...

Insane, as you've long feared. I believe I now have enough assessment information to confirm a diagnosis (or should that be "diagnoses", heh).

Funny as hell, you nutjob, but to hear it "live" was even better.

Hey, this woman needs an agent...and a stand-up gig. For real!

*muah
/wink wink
{{{Mel and Wen}}}

Pic-chuh, send dat pic-chuh, Marmetini. Trust me. (winking so hard I can't see my way to the shower)


--

Lynn said...

I can see why you needed to drink the gin after all that!! God, Mel!!! You sure can make me laugh. I can see why you love this cat. I like the look on her face. No wonder you don't get on with the twat neighbors!! Poor kitty lost her tail...

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((dr.john))))~ I dont mind branching out into dog surgery lol.... see how adaptable I be LOL.....xx

~(((jen)))))~ :)... well I can only do real life stories..... I failed essay writing in me GCSE English Exam lol......xxxx

~(((interplanet Janet)))~ if you wanna leave such big comments, get ya own fucking blob LMFAO HAHAHAHAH IT WAS A JOKE......oh my, how I loved your story...... visions now of your cat with this muscle man jumper on lmfoa..... its funny cos I have no clue as to what your talking about LOL..... I know the lampshade thing though and one of me cats had to wear one lol only it was to big and it couldnt reach its dinner lol and you should of seen it running into the catflap trying to get out lmfao....

And I understand the creature clinging to ya head....... a monkey did that to me head once at Monkey World and Im sure it was trying to put its willy in me ear.... it was NOT pleasant LOL.....xxxxxxxx

~(((((((((((((JBelle))))))))))))~ well dont blame me LOL....... xxxxxxxx

~((((((Sharkie)))))~ ya make a great bouncer lol..... and if your sawing logs, can ya please saw me a sack full for the autumn.......xxxxx

~((((((fatty))))))))~ Im sure they are hatching an escape plan somedays lol..... its well sweet, Ambrose sleeps on the bench seat of the garden table and janet sits under the bench LOL..... Ive sure its love......xxxxx

~((((ciara))))~ I feel honoured that I can call you slut or slag LMFAO hahahahaha......

I spoke to that janey person a couple of times, but she comes from northen england and they are a bit dodgy up there lol....... ya remember the surgery in the gloomies with me and Brad? LOL...... funny memories.....and all the stories of your skankie pissing dog lmfao.... and how glad ya was when it snuffed it LMFAO.....xxxx

~(((((inlandempiregirl)))))~ 023 92278476 ;)..... I will give ya a discount cos you frequent the blobspheres lol...... and do you wanna hear about the time we did the on-line gall bladder surgery, now that WAS funny........xxxxx

~((((ake))))~ unconditional love that cat has towards me....xxxxx

~(((((((((((((Wendy))))))))))))~ yep, insane, can you now please have me sectioned under some mental health act or something, I could do with a little break from the world LOL

and oh hush, or I might have to do the knuckle dig to the side of ya temple cos it just stuns ya for a bit LOL

and if ya winking that hard, have you thought that you might have an eye sty starting, they can be well painful I have been told, not that Ive ever had one, and what a daft name for one anyways, I always wonder what happened to the pig that should be in the sty.....

(((mel wen))) fanks for ringing this morning.... my mental state has been stabilized for the day now LMFAO........xxxxxxxx

~(((((((((Lynn))))))))~ she is the sweetest, most friendly, loving, skinny, skankie tail-less, scabby skinned cat one could wish for.... even though she poo'd over the plug hole in the bath once cos someone had accidently shut her in there lol.......xxxxxxx

Mom not Mum said...

Just checking in again and seriously this place is great for laughs. All I had to do was scroll down a bit - see that cat on the edge of the table and that was that. lmao Good thing nobody is here or they would be questioning my sanity - well I'm sure they do that anyway but.....

toadman said...

ok.... when I can .. catch a breath.. from laughing so much..... I might think of... some sort of witty comment... but I kinda doubt it!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

ciara said...

mel...that was NOT my dog...it was steve's. that dog had the cone around his neck as well when they did surgery on his arse tumor...he was so dumb he kept running into walls because of it.lol now do u really think i would own a dumb dog? i like my pets like i like ppl...SMART lmao and ok, ok, i didn't want to be glad when it snuffed it, but i was just a little : / lol right now he's in a storage unit in the garage. i'm keep asking what the hell he's gonna do w the ashes of the dog cuz i don't think they care too much since he's been sitting out there since we moved to the new house...and he was in the garage at the old house after i told steve that he could not stay in our closet anymore lol hope no one hates me after this lol i do have to say that i really love dogs...only pets i've ever had.

The Fool said...

Thanks M-Toasty. Your posting really made me laugh and reminisce. One of my first jobs was working in a vet clinic...and the stories I could tell.

Spaying and neutering are cinch too, Mel. If you ever have the hankering to do one on-line give me a call. I'll talk you through it.

Happy Solstice, matie.


:)

Lynda said...

Poor Ambrose. At least he came back. He must forgive you.

My Brutus loves to sit on the monitor like that also. Often time, I have to move his tail, so you may be lucky Ambrose doesn't have one. :)

Jade said...

I'll suffice to say that's one gorgeous cat, and I feel your pain--let's just say my current feline love once came this close-- . (mmhmm, the size of that dot) to clawing my cornea and blinding me.

Catch said...

Oh Marmy....you are such a case! You have me laughing from the beginning to the end of your post! I think your cat is beautiful! Even if you did have to get stitches...lol

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((momNmum)))~ thats it, just use me, when ya need a laff LOL.... I did laff today at the picture of Ambrose dangling off the edge of the table....... and then I laffed cos I even took them thinking that she was dead LOL..... I think there is something wrong with me......xxxx

~(((((toadie))))~ oh Im glad you think my life is just one big laff....... normal I WANNA BE NORMAL lol.........xxxxxxx

~(((((ciara slapper)))))~ ya know what would make your Steve feel special and loved and needed more then what he is already? do ya? do ya? I reckon if you took the dust/ashes of his dog from the urn in the garage and mixed it in with some flour and baked him a lovely cake for when he gets in from work........ only dont tell him until he has eaten it and said how special he feels LOL LMFAO........ I DOUBLE DARE YOU :)..........xxxxx

~((((((((foolie))))))))~ oh please share some of your stories one of these days :) - I can be the only one with so many pets 'that I love/loved' stories about mishaps...... RIP Socrates LOL

You want me to neuter you on-line? LMFAO.....giggling..... going out into the back garden and getting a couple of old house bricks and a towel off the line ;)..... *cough* lol........

Happy Solitice to you to foolie - I didnt get in the local paper for dancing naked on the stones at stonehedge..... dam them shaved all over druids for dancing pubeless.....xxxxxx

~(((lynda)))~ Ambrose is actually a she...... over the years she has had the most beautiful of litters of kittens (well it would be kittens of course lol it would of been emus)...... fat cat that was in a picture in a previous post being one of them...... Ambrose is tiny tiny yet fatcat is huge..... and aint it funny why they sit or lay on top of the monitor..... she might not have no tail, but every so often she moves slightly when she is deep asleep and she rolls off and ya have to catch her before she falls on the keyboard LOL..... its quite an art :)....xxxxx

~((((((jade))))))~ welcome back matie :)..... yeah Ambrose is what we call a tortoise-shell smudged LOL..... I will be devastated when she eventually dies..... I might have to have her stuffed and mounted and placed next to cowie :)..... who by the way is out for a ride next week :)......xxxx

~((((((catch)))))~ I wear me little scar on the side of me wrist with pride LOL..... and is that 'case' as in 'nutcase' LOL my solicitor will be in touch about defimation of charactor or whatever that word is LOL.........xxxx

Starr Kelso said...

Long ago a book was published called 101 Uses For A Dead Cat. It was pretty much the A to Z on dead cats. Long story. Anyway, I don't recall a listing for using a "dead" cat for a photo opportunity. MT you have made it 102. I am surprised that you didn't try to pick Ambrose up and lay her on the road for a "road kill" candid. Cat--badger...pretty much the same.

Jade said...

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f269/fadedjade/for%20use/100_1913.jpg

That's Willow. We should clone them together. They'd make pretty kittens.

raymond pert said...

I'm gonna be serious for a sec.

I genuinely believe we learn a lot about forgiveness from our dogs and cats and chickens and reptiles....you are a very forgiving person....maybe your animals have helped you. I know my Snug has helped me be more forgiving and more relaxed about things...ok/serious button turned off

Your post made my sides ache!

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((((((((Starr)))))))))))))~ As much as I love me cat, ya know what did happen, just for a sec, flashed through me head?........... I wonder what her skull would look like with next to cowie and the others LOL.......

I think Ive seen that book LOL.... its well funny.....xxxxxxxx

~((((jade)))~ your willow is beautiful..... my friend has a kid called willow..... Ambrose has had some of the most amazingly beautiful kittens in her time.... its all depended on which old tom cat shes bonked at the time......we had 13 kittens here one of the times, when both Ambrose and Pivot(one of her original kittens which we kept but dead now) had their kittens with same day..... they had them all together in the same box and just share care/feed them all..... it was the most beautiful example of getting on with each other :)...xxxxx

~((((((MrP))))))~ maybe, maybe, you are a very wise man, so you might well be right...except, I would use the words 'found peace with' and not 'forgiveness' - does that make sense oh wise one :)...... *visions of you holding your sides and bellylaffing* lol.......xxxxx

raymond pert said...

Another serious sec

Ah, yes, that's even better: found peace with...and look at/remember the peaceful faces of Ambrose and Janet and Eric and Brenda etc. all saying to us neurotic humans: Be at Peace...maybe I'm whacky but I find my Snuggy boy helps me be at peace..so do our Corgis (thank you Royal Family for Corgis)...I think we are very fortunate to have these Peace givers among us.

/serious sec over...I'll come down off my mountain top...time to clean my office some more LOL

Queenie said...

Marmie you have won an award please see my blog.

Side Note said...

Never would have thought a story about draining pus from a sore pussycat could be so funny. I'm no expert but I'd guess it is probably not the first time someone has used gin to clean an infected pussy. Not sure about bleach ... I suppose your cat now freaks out when you do laundry?

Jump to the Left said...

Ambrose and Janet are mates? Now that is just too much!!

The cuteness overwhelms.

Hi, girliefriend.
:)

Kahless said...

Bread knife! Bleech!!

Pets are special aren't they; they seem to forgive us for anything.

I enjoyed your post.
Kx.

The Fool said...

Good morning, M-Toasty. Put the bricks down...I said I would "talk" you through it. You'll need to roust another guinea pig for the experiment. I'm already neutered (I cashed in the cereal box tops and proof of purchase seals).

Have a great Sunday.

:)

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((MrP)))~ all hail the royal family and the invention of corgis :)..... we can learn a lot from animals, except maybe not to poo in the garden lol.... yep, certainly at peace with many things.... cant carry hatred and anger around with ya all ya life, it gets a bit stale :)....can you believe that I actually have a very serious side to me?....xxxx

~((((((((queenie))))))~ cripes :) fanks very much.... I'll sort that out tomorrow....mega chufted lol....xxxx

~(((((SideNote))))~ well, I didnt find it funny at the time lol.... and its the first and only pus filled pussy thats been in this house ;).... nah she dont freak out when I do the washing....... OMG you have just reminded me about something that happened to a kitten...... but thats for another day :).....xxxx

~(((jumper)))~ yep, aint this a pathetic household LOL..... I cant even have bleedin normal pets ..... xxxxx

~(((kahless)))~ I dont think the flat hampster will ever forgive me :(.....xxx

~((((foolie))))~ dam, and there was me ready to crack some nuts :) lol - them cereal packet tops sure come in handy sometimes..... Im saving 1000 for to get me hairlip fixed :)......oh, and good evening to you dear blokie.....xxxxxx

stephen with a ph said...

Hi and thanks for the dietry advice!!

I can see I have got a lot up catching up to do so I am gonna start with your most recent post

stephen with a ph said...

It's not every night I laugh out loud when sat in front of my laptop...but I just did.

You're gonna have to go on my blogroll! ;-)

JBelle said...

(peering through the crowd) excuse me. excuse me! EXCUSE ME!

HAS ANYONE HERE SEEN MELODY? I AM LOOKING FOR MEL? ANYBODY? SHE'S GOT DOC MARTENS ON?

Peanut said...

**putting on my best BBC voice..***

"Please tune in next week, for another episode of "All Creatures Great and Small" .. "

ROFLMAO

Very funny, Mel. Now, I'm wondering how much gin it would've taken . ... and if you'd have had to use an eye dropper or something.. to get Ambrose drunk, so she wouldn't have noticed the bleach and bread knife?

~*~*~*~*

By the way.. gumby message.. and all is cool.. fret not, dearie.. just a lot of stress around here.. let's make an IM appointment, or a "phone meeting" and I'll tell all....

OK?

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((stephen with a ph)))~ welcome :) - well I thought 3 mars bars, jaffa cakes, packets of crisps and a packet of malteasers was great dietary advice after a swim LOL...... :) feel free to scroll back, some posts are a tad sort of serious I suppose but not many LOL.....

oh, so your another thats gonna take the piss out of me mad life? LOL.......xx

~((((JBelle))))~ *here I am, dancing bum naked on the table at the back of the room* :) - now that will scare every bugger away lol.......xxxxxxx

~(((((((Peanut))))))))~ we she was drunk on her love for me lol..... little did she know what was to happen....

I should put all me many stories about me pets into one file LOL.... how come this stuff always happens to me..... xxxxxx

ps..... the other stuff is cool....x

Pinehurst in my Dreams said...

Beautiful Ambrose, Beautiful Janet. Love the picture of the two of them hanging out. Unbelievable!

Great post. I could never take a butter knife to my cat - how in the world did you poke a hole in the cat with it?

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((Pinehurst)))~ :) it wasnt a butter knife ya dinlo...... it was a 12 inch serated edged, pointie ended bread knife :)...... xxxx

the psycho therapist said...

Ya know...I've been giving this some serious thought since our talk yesterday and I think the presence of a midget might have prevented the need for feline surgery in the first place. Of course, and as usual, I could be wrong.

--

buffalodickdy said...

I am not, nor ever will be a vegetarian. I do have one rule; If you name it you can't eat it. Janet the chicken?

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((Wendy)))~ I dont understand...do you mean I would be otherwise busy with me midget that I wouldnt of noticed Ambrose's swollen head? or do you think that I might of just grabbed the midget by his feet and swung him round, hitting Ambrose in the face, thus bursting her puss filled absess? please explain..... LOL - cant wait for this one :)...xxx

~(((buffalodickdy)))~ phew, that has saved me from hiding Janet in the back of the shed :).... scroll down and ya well be able to find out all about Janet :)....... fanks for popping over........xx

JBelle said...

(so freaking many people in here, I can't see a thing!)

Peanut said...

OMG.. that's just sick, Mel! LOL

I've heard of "the shit hitting the fan" but now I have visions of some poor midget being swung around, and getting his head chopped off by the fan.. and then cat pus goes flying against the windows...

ewwwwwwww

Maybe I'm the sick one though.. thinking up that scenario? ROFL

Tiny Tim said...

God bless us, everyone.

Ba Doozie said...

Everytime I come here you have more and more commentors! Well I happen to think she is rather pretty for a cat!

The Fool said...

Just a-noting your clock, Mel (nice...very nice). It seems we're on opposite ends of the time spectrum...with a 12 hour difference between here and there. I'm just crossing the Midnight Hour, and heading to Nod now. Have a great afternoon. I'll catch up later.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((((JBelle))))))~ just walk through, the crowds will open for you, so you can get to the front ;) - you be one of our Gumby Council, you get priority LOL..... you daft cow..... xxxxxx

~((((((((Peanut))))))~ I told you I have a sick sense of humour LOL..... remember its 'love me, love me lamb shanks and me midgets' lol ;).......xxxxxx

~(((((((tiny Tim)))))))~ LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHA :) gawds that made me so laff this morning lol....... but it probably should read, 'god help us everyone' lol....... ok, who are ya :).......xxx

~((((((da boozie))))~ she is a gorgeous tail-less, skankie, smellie, scabby cat and I lubs her to death.... scabs and all :)... xxxx

~(((((((((foolie))))))))))~ nite matie, sleep peacefully......... 12 hours difference? I thought it was 8 or 9 hours..... Im sure it aint 12 hours difference or it would be lunch time here as you posted that and it was 8.15 my time....... at 8.15 I was buttering toast for 8 nippers LOL........and now its 9.33 and in from the school and preschool runs...... so it aint 12 hours, ya dinlo lol.......slater matie xxxx

Peanut said...

I'm just in from ... well, you'll have to ask me off-blog... and no, it wasn't a meeting with the likes of Kevin Costner! lol

But my mind is going overtime here...

Mel.. weren't there some little sweets called midgets which we could get when we were kids? Or has the cheese slipped off my cracker, leaving me overly concerned about you eating midgets?

ROFLMFAO

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((Peanut)))))~ BINGO bloody BINGO lmfao.........hahahahaha.....

MMmmmmmm a secret meeting aye lol - get your arse over to gumbyland and spill the beans, remember us gumbys have NO secrets..... well almost no secrets LOL.....

x

headless chicken said...

Poor Ambrose! Does he suffer with PTSD after your crap James Herriot impersonation or is he over it?
I had a cat once that had a scrap, got an infected eye which then exploded and all the poison got into it's brain and it went mad. I also had a cat that used to suck its own nipples...very noisily. It was funny but made me feel a bit sick too. I gave it away. Bloody pervert!:o

ciara said...

((((mel and anyone's for a bright shiny nickel))))i don't think i could do up a cake..that's one of my weaknesses. i could forget, and eat the dang dog, too...and sorry this girl just does NOT do dog lol *the only pus filled pussy in this house* lol what about right b4 it healed over? lmao

toadman said...

All this is VERY interesting and all.. but what I want to know is.. were you able to replace the Gin?!?!?!?! I mean, let's keep our priorities in line here, aye?

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((ciara vegas slapper for $10))))~ hush now, this lot dont know about me 'heal over' lol.....xxxxx

~((((((Toadie))))))~ :) well I never buy booze, for some reason me parents of me minded kids always seem to buy me wine and gin at crimbo LOL....... and some of it has sat on me dresser for years lol........ I usually end up giving it to school raffles LOL...... :) but on saying that.... I could murder a gin and orange right now lol.......xxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((headless chicken)))~ sorry I didnt see ya there lol.......

LMFAO@your nipple sucking cat...... I can do that LMFAO..... well not suck your cats nipples LOL

and I think maybe thats why Im mental, cos me ear has exploded and mushed me brain lol...... you are funny....... bleedin pervet cat lol........ oh, and Ambrose is a SHE :) not a HE :).......xxx

The Fool said...

So I'm a dinlo. Don't know the "big hand" from the little hand" - your clock sez 2:10...and it's 5:10 PM Tuesday here. What the heck day...and AM or PM is it there?

Turnbaby said...

ROTFLMAO!!!

Oh my god that's funny

green libertarian said...

Standing ovation.

One of the funniest posts/comments I've ever read.
You are really something,Marmite.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((turnbaby)))~ welcome to the loonie bin lol...... feel free to scroll back and read some more mental stories LOL...... fanks for popping in......xx

~((((((((((((((MrGreen))))))))))))~ I thought I had lost ya :)..... and there ya go, laffing and taking the piss out of me life..... :).... but I will say, it was the most funniest of nights... me alone, a computer, a breadknife lol.......love you xxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((foolie))))~ opps missed yours...... I be 9 hours ahead of you, see, always one step ahead of you doodles lol......xxxxx

jolie-jordan said...

you are crazy my girl. I love it.
jolie

Anonymous said...

Hmm not used to posting comments so this may be for the wrong post...just came across you by accident and i share the same inexplicable love of moose! Last year however I was lucky enough to go to Maine, and a small towncalled Millinocket, where a lovely man by the name of Dale Stevens is in the business of moose tours..and what a tour! You have got to get yourself there someday we were out for 5 hours and saw 19 MOOSE up close was a wonderful experience! He has a webpage www.mainelyphotos.com check it out, I also have quite a bit of Moose mania in my house and a nodding one in my car..how the hell didi a gal from the south of england and a gal from the north of england end up loving Moose!! I never ate a moose turd tho!! Happy Moosing, warm wishes, Alex

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((((Alex))))))~ welcome... how the hell did you just stumble upon me lol...... YOU HAVE BEEN TO MAINE? Ive well jealous ... dam lol...... is your nodding moose from a cereal packet? LMFAO...... ype strange right, south and north english moose lovers lol....... they ought to give us a free trip because of our love of all things mooses lol....... would you like me to send you one of the poos to try? LOL......

MarmiteToasty said...

ps........ Alex, Ive moved you comment up to the moose postings above :)..........

xxxxx

CeeCee said...

Hey Marmy,
Saw your reply over at Back to Basic Living and had to read your link about your attempt at animal surgery.
Thought you'd enjoy this bit of humor, although you may have seen it already.
http://www.funny.co.uk/stuff/art_71-1215-Instructions-for-Giving-your-Cat-a-Pill.html