Sunday, 17 June 2007

To My Father - I Should Hate You But I Dont, I Cant....I Love You...

Ok....... What you have to remember is that my father for whatever reasons in his life, was, towards his family and very noticeably towards me, a differnt man to what he was towards his friends and work collegues....... he was funny and witty and very well respected in his field...... why he changed when he walked through the door of his home, when ever he came home..... I do not know....... I can only presume he didnt want to be there......maybe it was the war that changed him, or his father leaving his mother for another woman, maybe thats what made him bitter, maybe its cos he knew his marriage to my mother was a mistake....... he should of just leant how to channel his anger in another way, instead of towards me......

So Dad, this is for you......

Dad at 19

I wish I had known you then dad, when you was a young man of 19 and going off to war..... with your whole life lay out infront of you, was it the war that changed you dad?...... I wish I could of known the man that your were then, the one that I have been told, was oh so funny, and loved people and cared about everyone that was a part of your life....do you think thats where I get me fun side from dad?....do you think thats your legacy to me...... I know you knew love inside you then dad, cos the words on the back of this old photo that you sent to your mum, well, they speak volumes of the young man you were.......'To mum, hoping that you like this photo, please keep it safe in your heart, All my love... Reg xxxxx' - so I know dad that inside, you had a heart...... I so wish I had known you then dad.....

Even through all the beatings all the weeks of silences where you wouldnt even acknowledge my presence in a room, even through all those hours you shut me in the cupboard under the stairs, even through all those birthdays and christmases that you never said a kind word let alone bought me a present, even through all those birthdays and christmases of my brothers when I would sit quietly and watch my brothers open presents upon presents knowing there was nothing under the tree for me, even through all those times you would look at me with disgust and loathing, even through all the vile nasty words you spoke to me...... I LOVED YOU...... from a young age, I knew that you were angry, not with me, but with the world, or the circumstances you found yourself it...... but I loved you....... and I told you, and you never acknowledged a single word I spoke......

If I ever asked for anything, I would get a beating, so I stopped asking...... I know you wanted me to break down and beg and plead for you to stop beating me.... I know I was stubborn and I know that I use to stare you out, and never cry, I knew that made you angryer....... but, you were you Dad and you had your reason and I was me, and I could not allow you or anyone to take away my soul and spirit..... I knew that would walk me through life, so I clung to it, and you were not allowed to take it from me.....

I LOVE you dad for loving my sons the way that I would of loved to have been loved by you...... I love you for giving them memories of a kind man, a gentle man, a funny man, a grandad that I so needed you to be to my sons.......

I loved you when you let me back into you life, when my sons were younger, even though I know you were using me cos you were bored and growing old and felt alone.... I loved you when I knew all the nasty things you were saying behind my back to my brothers, you played us all against each other dad, for what means I will never know........ you distroyed a strong bond that we all had, we meaning me and our Paul who was 2 years older then me...... dad, I loved you even though I knew what you were trying to do.....

Scan20109

Remember this photo dad, my sons are laffing cos you were making them laff behind the camera...... they loved you Dad, so very much..... they not only loved you, they needed you......

You broke there hearts dad, the day you chose to no longer be apart of our lives again, you broke their hearts, but I would not let you break their souls...... but I thank you for the few short years when I was truely proud that you were my father and were their grandfather, even though I knew it was for your own gain......

Scan20111

See this picture dad, this was taken the day that you were being cremated in Scotland, we were not to be there, we were told that you didnt love us and it would be best not to attend....... siblings aye dad, they must of inherited the nasty side of you......... so this picture was taken just an hour after we sat in a tiny chapel in Cornwall, a tiny chapel clinging to the side of the cliffs, which now is quite apt, cos I had clung to the hope that you would love me all my life....... so we said our sad goodbyes to you there that day, at the same time that everyone else sat in a church in Scotland to say their goodbyes....... but ya see, it dont matter where those goodbyes were said, its how they were said and with how much love and feeling they were said, no matter how far away......... so we each, dad, Ben, Tom Sam and Jacob and me lit a candle for you and sat in this little chapel on our own and talked about you and the funny things you did with my boys..........and the love that we all had for you...... did you hear us dad...... could you hear our voices on the wind.....

I'll never tell them dad of the man you were towards me....... I will not break their hearts again like the day you broke their hearts by walking away from their lives....... they are great lads for knowing you as the fun grandad that had loved them if only for a short time......

So this picture was taken just an hour after we said our goodbyes....... dont they look sad......... and no, it was not cos I clippered there long hair to crewcuts lol.......

Just know dad that those 4 children, have grown to be the most wonderful sons, yeah, they have hiccups in life, and its not always easy.....life has given us so many challenges to face in life.......and we find ourselves alone again, just the 5 of us...... but ya know what I learnt from you dad......by being the opposite of you....... I learnt that it was better to face ones fears and work things out, instead of taking it out on others....... face the music they say..... and thats what we do..... we face it everyday dad, every single day, but ya know what, we face it together, hand in hand, as one..... we will NEVER let go of the love that we have towards each other......

DSCF2432

Look at em, aint they just wonderful, its been a long hard road dad, and Im almost there, at the end........ and Ive done it through love and understanding, not beatings and vile words......

Dad, you would of loved these fine young men that my boys have become, and I know that they would of loved you.....think how more enriched they would of been in life if you had stayed a part of it.....think of the fun you would of had as you grew old and sick, think of the smiles and laughter my sons would have given you, think of all the love that you missed out on....... if only you had held out your hand, you know we would of taken it....... no matter what....

I would like to think deep down that you knew now much I loved you, even through all the horrendous things you did to me in life....... thank god, if there is one, that I had the strength not to crumble, not to fall and stay down, but to be proud of who I was and who I was to become....... ya see, no one will ever take my heart, my soul or my humour...... ever..... you couldnt....... you tried....... I was to strong for you......

dad

All I have of you dad is that pair of glasses you are wearing lol...... oh and a few old photos...... and memories good and oh so bad..... but I hold on to the fact that life maybe dealt you a bad hand, and you didnt know or have the strength to deal with it in any other way then you did......

I miss you Dad, and through everything, I hold you close in my heart...... I wish you were here....... I miss and I love you Dad with all I have......

And when I look out to sea (all I know is that where my siblings scattered your ashes) I think of you Dad and what you so missed out of in life, and Im so sad for you, for the man that you couldnt be, for the love that you felt you didnt need.....

I know you cant read this dad..... I know you aint here..... but I can read it....and Im still here....

I LOVE YOU DAD - sleep sweet......HAPPY FATHERS DAY xx

ok..... way to much tear shedding twaddle for one day.....

68 comments:

JBelle said...

Love and Understanding. Love and Understanding. I am very, very proud to call you friend, Friend.

Kati said...

just.... (((((HUGS)))))

Queenie said...

Now look what you've done, my bloody mascascra's all over my face.
You are a wonderful lady and the short time I've known you and your family, you have brought many a smile to my face. You have every reason to be proud, and so had he.
((((HUGS))))

susan said...

I don't know, Mel. I don't know. I don't think anyone could be dealt anything so bad in life that they have to treat someone else so badly. Esp. their child. I don't want to make you feel bad by saying horrible things about your parents, so I will stop here. One thing, though. You deserved alot better than the shit you were handed. It was in no way a reflection of you, and I think you know that. You are better than all that. You are better, and you did better, and I would like to say one more thing, Mel.

Happy Father's Day. You have been a good father and mother to your boys, and I know one day when they have their own children and realize how much you actually did for them and felt for them, their hearts are going to swell up with even more love than they have for you now. You are one amazing human.

ciara said...

(((((mel)))))))i, too, will say 'happy father's day' you have been both mother and father to those boys, and i don't think those boys would have it any other way. i found this post quite sad, and my eyes are a little misty. i'm sorry that that is what you have to remember about your dad, but like all kids, i understand how you still love him....because good or bad they are still our parents, the only ones we have. you are a fantastic person, your boys are wonderful...and i know that all comes from being raised by you. knowing you has been a bright spot for me out of 'the gloomies' so thanks for being you. love ya xoxoxo

Phil said...

My dad walked out of my life 30 years ago and I've practically forgotten him.

My wife's dad never walked out, but he was like yours... Playing her three brothers against her, constantly belittling her interests, and breaking her confidence.

My wife would never say that she loves her father because he never did anything to deserve that kind of emotion. The only thing she feels about him is indifference.

I will never understand why a parent won't love and support their child. My own children know that they have my unconditional love. It's so easy, isn't it?

Bugwit said...

That is beautiful and painful and sad, Mel. Your Tom looks like your dad, doesn't he?

After all that's happened, you seem like you came out of it as well as anyone could.

(((Mel)))

OrdinaryShark said...

Marmthemost- your character and strength are your family. Your family is so very strong and healthy.

Ol' Lady said...

What a nice tear jerkin post...you have a heart of gold...

The Fool said...

Thank you for sharing, M-Toasty. And hugs, matie...'tween you and your boys, you've made your own blessings. That's most admirable.

Bugwit said...

By the way, it appears that there is a severe belt shortage in the UK at the moment. I will send you several of asorted sizes right away.

green libertarian said...

Fuck.

I haven't cried so hard since me own dad died, 20 years ago.

nothing else I can say right now.

(((((Marmite)))))))

Mom not Mum said...

Great post. What a twist on the other "happy father's day" posts I've read.

LOL at Bug and the belt comment.

Akelamalu said...

Love can conquer everything - and it surely has in your case.
You have four very fine boys there, they have you, I don't think they need anyone else.

jolie-jordan said...

You at at a place I hope I can be sometime before I die. I have simular memories of (two) dad's and their hateful mean ways and I do love them but I still haven't been able to be so forgiving. They destroyed so many lives what with their meaness and pitting family members against each other. Very vindictive and hateful human beings and very hard to love. They too were admired and great guys to the neighbors and acquaintances.
It's what one famous Sociologist "Irving Goffman" called front stage and back stage and alludes to the persona people put on for the public. The Jekyll & Hyde lives to some degree in all of us...and some are real monsters when in the back of the stage...at home. Unpure Evil is what I see.
These two are dead too and I do not miss them..But I do miss having a kind loving Dad.
xxxJolie

toadman said...

Happy Father's day Mel.. you've been more than a Father to your boys, you've been everything to them. Good on ya mate.

It's a good thing to make peace with your father too, I think. Even if he isn't here to benefit from it, even if he wanted to benefit from it. Making peace with him, for your own sake, and for your own peace, is more than enough.

toadman said...

Oh, also, have you told your boys that they might need to use a belt? Looks like their pants are in danger of falling down...heh...

Silver Valley Girl said...

Thanks for sharing this story. You have a very unique way of sharing the ugliness of your life and sharing the good and loving things about it, and I know that your love has conquered a lot of things. I sense no hatred or bitterness, and that is a huge accomplishment. Your family is very special. Thanks for sharing your family with us through your wonderful story telling. Bless you, MT.

fatty said...

mel.. i almost don't want to comment.. it seems like such an intrusion on such a private moment... and i'm not sure any words i may say would have any meaning..
but i am so truly amazed at your love and your character..
and if you never give your children another single thing.. watching you as their example will be enough..

much love you...

Scots said...

Hi Marm babes xx

This brought a tear to an "uncaring, hard hearted" headteacher! (what I was called today - amongst other expletives)

I feel compelled to quote ...

"He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love"

.... it was a 'saw this and thought of you' kinda moment :o)

The compassion and love you show for all around you and all you hold dear is a lesson to all.

spot the teacher .. here goes another ...

"Sophocles: One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life; That word is love

You seem to have love in buckets loads down there and all who share in it and return it are lucky sods!!

Now before I lose my "demon headmaster" aura I better stop .. I have a reputation to live up to :-)

luvs ya xx Scots

metalmom said...

No one makes me cry-ever-and yet you did. I've never had to go through what you have, but it seems God blessed you in other ways. Your family is beautiful. Your soul is truly beautiful because you were able to find forgiveness in you. ((Mel))

MarmiteToasty said...

*Tiptoeing in* - I havent been in here today, I was a little afeared as to what people would make of this post, or if there would be any comments - ya see, I wasnt gonna even post about anything on Sunday, and I sat and was reading emails when I clicked over to Twaddle and it just all spilled out, as I typed I had phots in me head of what I would like to put up, and then after I had typed I had to find the photos LOL....

I didnt think or plan or even have a clue as to what was being typed...sometimes I think Im a witch cos it sort of just types itself, I didnt edit or even read back until after I posted......

It was not meant to upset anyone, it didnt upset me, my tears were for a man that missed out on so much in his troubled life, when there was so much there for the asking..... anyways, waffling twaddle here lol

(((((((((((JBelle))))))))and you my friend I an honoured to call me friend...... I love you....xxxxxx

~(((kati)))~ :) hugs back at ya...xx

~((((queenie))))~ well, if you was just old and hagged like me and was el natural then ya bloody mascaascra wouldnt of run lol.... and fanks :)......xxxxx

~(((((((Susan))))))))~ I dont know, you see it the world over, compared to some, I had it easy :)... and ya know what, ya can say whatever ya like about me parents, cos it dont affect me, sometimes its nice to see it from someone elses point of view, it takes a lot to upset me..... skin like an old dead elephant me :)...

and fanks...... for next fathers day, Im gonna try and cultivate this one chin hair into a beard LOL :)... love ya xxxxxxx

~((((((slutty slapper ciara))))))~ ya know, I so glad I stumbled into the door of The Gloomies, or I would never of met you :)....and fanks, I so dont deserve all your kind words, ya know me, Im just me...... love you xxxxxxx

~((((phil))))~ families aye.... sigh....

they say guidance or inheritance... which do children learn from...... I had no guidance, nuffin...... so how come I aint bitter and twisted and vile..... well I can be a fishwife if someone rubs me up the wrong way LOL.....fank you phil for being a wonderful dad....xx

~((((Bugs))))~ actually my Tom looks like his father *spit and gob on the floor* lol..... but I can also see a little bit of my dad in him, in his features....

and the coming out the other side, well, ya know, from very small, I knew that so much was wrong, how I knew I dont know, I just did, and I made a promise back then that it would NOT distroy the person that I knew I would become.... and I would like to think that it didnt....

beautiful, painful and sad..... cripes.... strong words..... xxxxx

~((((((((sharkie))))))))~ is that like a charactor out of bugs bunny lol....... not you stop with your kind words.....gawds sake ... xxxxxx

~((((ol' lady))))~ you need to see me agent MrSharkie and get some tissues LOL..... sorry if it upset you, it was never my intention.....xxxxxx

~(((((((foolie))))))~ between you and me, some days I could throttle the little bastards :)....... xxxxx

~((((Bugs))))))~ lmfao..... see how I first read this post in me head was like this.....

me dad would keep a belt hung on the back of the kitchen door, and every saturday night I knew that it would be across me back..... so I 'first' read you post as meaning, my lads needed a 'right belting'...... sorry....... and then when it sunk it..... I laffed me socks off LMFAO....... and thats them saying they had wedgies that day LOL..... they are usually lower then that ;)...... xxxxxxxx

~(((((((((((((((((Chuck)))))))))))~ sorry, I so didnt mean or want you to cry :(.... I just typed what was in me heart... and you are only allowed one 'fuck' per comment :)...

please come back and comment again....... love you, you know that..... xxxxxxx

~(((((momNmum)))))~ twisted not twisted :).... and yep bugs made me smile eventually LOL.... xxxx

~((((ake))))~ yeah, sometimes I just overflow with love, and other times I just overflow with snot from me cold :).... fanks, my boys are great, warts and all...... xxx

~(((jolie-jordan))))~ sorry you had that in your life...

Ya see, I could either let it eat me alive day by day, year by year, until my life is almost gone, and then I would of been as miserable and as unhappy as my parents were..... or I could take it as, thats what it was at the time, it dont mean I forgive him/them...it dont mean Ive never been angry and cross...... its just I channel it into a more productive way..... but I have found peace with them, because I wished to have a life filled with love for my family that I would eventually have.... and with its ups and down, I think, Ive found it with my boys.... and oneday MY PRINCE WILL COME :)....... does any of that make sense? lol........xxxxxx

~(((((Toadie)))))~ sticking on false tash especially for fathers day so I fit in LOL.....

I found peace years and years and years ago..... not forgiveness, but peace... I knew from very young that I was strong and was different..... and that was ok.... peace is good, as are chips and mayo ;).....xxxxx

ps..... they be wearing them trouser well high in that photo lol... cos I said...... pull ya trouser up will ya, I dont wanna a photo of ya nutsacks LOL....xxx

~((((SilverValleyGirl))))))~ I do not know how to write anyother way then what I do.... if I have to think about what to type then I just come up a blank, so I just sit, and just let me fingers loose lol...... unique, cripes...... thats probably cos I type with a bit of an accent LOL.... fank you for your kind words....... now dont make me out to sound soft, cos I ave a 'well ard' reputation to uphold ;).....xxxxxx

~(((((fatty)))))~ please, never feel you cant comment.....there would of been a time when there is no way on earth I would of posted that post... ask Wendy what a great deleter I was/am lol.... ya see, I aint amazing or special, it just reads as normal to me..... fanks for your sweet words.....xxxxxx

~(((((((scottie))))))~ scottie meet foolie - foolie meet scottie.... both teachers, memory makers and soul holders of young minds, I take me hat off to you both..... some teachers suck, but some teachers amaze... you are both amazing.....

and stop with the bloody tears, gawds sake..

I dont have buckets of love, I have trailers full of the stuff for the right people :)..... I can be a right mean nasty bastard when I need to be lol ask me irl maties LMFAO.....

you bloody 'uncaring hard hearted' git LOL ....... I dont deserve your nice words either..... xxxxxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((metalmom))))~ welcome to the mad house :)..... ok where did you come from lol

cripes - fanks, it was not me intention to make anyone cry - I should get a chuftie badge if you aint cried at a post before lol....

Its not about forgiveness as such, its more about, realising that the past was what it is, the past, and its what we as people are like NOW in the present, thats what matters..... the past can not be changed, but I can live at peace with it....... :)...... load of bollocks right lol.......fanks for coming over from wherever you did, hope ya stick around, me posts aint all tearjerkers lol......xxx

headless chicken said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
headless chicken said...

Not much left to say that hasn't been said already. Lots of admiration for you...........

Mr. Fabulous said...

Oh God, honey, what a remarkable post. You are such a rare, special person, and you have obviously done such a great job with your boys. I am so very proud to call you my friend!

Dr.John said...

A good tribute to a man who deserves no tribute.

InlandEmpireGirl said...

When you share these feelings with all of us you remind us of the importance of love, forgiveness, and grace. Your four sons look like they have done well with you as a mum and father.

Interplanet Janet said...

I love you ((((Mel)))).

Obviously, you did not require a good father to be an exceptional and gloriously beautiful human being. You are (or should be) an inspiration to the entire human race.

And I think your dad now knows this because I believe that we do not die. But that's just me.

((((((((((((Mel)))))))))))

(ok, now - just take the hugs and love this once, ya daft cow... LOL)

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((headless chicken))))~ (covering my janets eyes from the word headless) - hey, Im just me...just me ... xx

~((((MrFab)))~ bowing in your honour...... and 'oh god honey'.... do you really have to tell us the words you use whilst 'doing the naughties' in ya works cubicle LMFAO..... ;)....

See, ya have me wrong, MrFab, *You are such a rare, special person* translated = deformed wonkie eyed special needs person LOL.... I can read between the lines you know.....

AND I am so very proud to call you my friend to :)..... well I have to say that now dont I ;)...xxxxxx

~((((dr john))))~ cripes, I didnt mean it as a tribute.... it was just what spilled from me fingers..... and except for 2 people that I have crossed paths with in life.. I think most are a little deserving of hope....and a smile....xxx

~(((inlandempiregirl)))~ these aint feelings lol I just copied them from a book...... ;) - that was a joke ya know lol.... I dont wanna be anyone but me, warts draggy leg, wonkie eye, weeping hump, floor dragging bum :)...... people have to take me or leave me..... fank you inland .......xxxxx

~(((interplanet janet)))~ to say I Love You will cost you 20 quid lol..... gulp....

and ya need to stop with the nice words, cos thats not how I see me and now Im blushing lol

*And I think your dad now knows this because I believe that we do not die. But that's just me.*

Jebus, say it aint so, say it aint so, please tell me he is dust LOL.....xxxxx

the psycho therapist said...

Better late than never.

"Word" to everything Susan said, especially this:
when they have their own children and realize how much you actually did for them and felt for them, their hearts are going to swell up with even more love than they have for you now.

And you, of course, will explode in bliss.

I love you, Mel.
I've nominated you for a Great Lifetime Achievement Award.

(smile)

Shut up, yes you do.


---

the psycho therapist said...

And, hey, this might be inappropriate to say in light of somber tones but I simply cannot contain myself:

Your boys are flippin' hotties. Hot.
Hot, hot.

Beauty is beauty.
They must've got it from their Mom.

Heh.
--

The Woman said...

You've got beautiful boys, Mel! :o)

I'm not as big a woman as you. My dad's abuse was/is mental. I'm forever changed because of it.

Jennifer said...

That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your love online with all of us. You have a kind and forgiving soul.

HAR said...

I just read this on Tuesday.

I don't know you but I am proud of you. Because whe I look at your beautiful boys, I know that you did better by them. It must have been hard but you did it.
You broke a cycle. Your sons are so fortunate and most likely proud to have you as their Mum.

genevra said...

Beautiful boys. Beautiful soul. What a gift you have, to spin straw into gold.

Queenie said...

You know what lady, I think your great, and I love the way you spit it out. From the heart, is that a Knight on a white charger I see in the hills????????

Bugwit said...

Obviously, there an epidemic of droopy drawers that is over-runnning the British Isles.

You all can help! With your donations of belts and suspenders, we can irradicate trouser cleavage in the UK!

Who's with me?

toadman said...

I'm with ya Bugwit.. I'll help to eradicate this epidemic, so long as it doesn't extend to female cleavage.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((((((Wendy))))))))))~ always an hour late and a penny short ;)

If they do explode with bliss, someone had better warn them NOT to make a bleedin mess, cos by then, I will of had enough of clearing up after them.....

Wendy.... I love you....

but hush with the bloody chuftie badges, gawds sake, Im just me.... no more no less...

and yep *sticking out me chest with pride* all me lads are drop dead gorgeous...... :) - but I think with me deformaties they dont get it from me LOL.......xxxxxxxxxx

~(((the woman))))~ fank you, I fink they are beautiful.....*cough* sometimes lol

Im not saying the things my parents did didnt affect me, cos Im sure they did, everything that ever happens to us has an affect one way or another....... but I just knew from such a young age that it was not right, and I was determined to try and live a life that was not forever plauged with hatred and whys and ifs an whatnots....... they were they and I am me....... they made decisions in life, and I make mine..... and one was to not let them screw up my mind :)........ now, me maties might say that Im bonkers lol.... but sod them......xxxxxxxx

~(((jennifer))))~ cripes... I just wrote what was inside of me...... and forgiveness, nah, I dont forgive, not in that sense of the word..... me, I hunt people down and rip out there spleens :) but thats me part-time evening job........xxxxxxx

~((((har)))~ well welcome aboard.... and fank you, and yes, its been the hardest job in the world, trying to raise me lads on me own, I dont always get it right, I can only do me best.... just hope that they will have an idea what being a good father is about, cos no grandfathers and no father to guide.... only time will tell....... hope you stick around, I will get around to your blob tomorrow :).......xxxx

~(((Genevra))))~ welcome also to you :)...... were are you lot coming from lol..... jebus ya leave the door open while ya put the cat out and ya get back to find a house full lol..... fanks for your sweet comment.... now I feel like rumplestiltskin :)....xxxx

~(((((queenie)))~ ya know what, ya aint to bad yaself :).... spit it out LOL..... nah, thats no white knight thats an old washing machine dumped on the hill and an old phone charger :)...... xxxxxx

~(((((Bugs))))~ ROTFLMRSSO@suspenders lmfao...... sometimes my Sam wears his trousers soooooooo low that this bum cheeks stick out over the top...... only one good thing comes of it.... he always makes sure he has clean boxers on and can NEVER do the 4 day rule ;).....and dont you dare start a riot here LOL....xxxxx

~(((Toadie)))~ dont give into peer pressure lol...... *hoisting me boobs out of me socks and squeezing them together to form a cleavage :).......xxxxxxx

WELL........ I most certainly didnt expect all of these words... ya see..... to me it all just reads well proper and normal.... but obviously it aint lol...... dont hate me cos Im different :)..... sorry I heard that sentence on a jerry springer thing on the radio LMFAO....

And with that, its almost 11.30pm here and Ive just got in from the last pick up of the night, and Im well knackered..... so..... off to me snuggley duvet and hopefully to sleep.....

Sharkie...... get the bloody lights will ya and sort the cats out and unplug...... come one man, you know the rules by now.....

Nite maties...... and fanks...... Im in a little bit of shock if truth be known with all the comments..... nite xxxxx

OrdinaryShark said...

OK you lot, the cat's in and I'm shuttin out the lights but I'll leave a night light on just in case someone comes in late for a drink of water.

Kahless said...

Hi marmitetoasty,

My first visit to your site and I am so pleased that I came.

xx.

ciara said...

((((mel slapper 2 pence so. brit tart))))yes, u are just you..and we all love you...wonky eye, weeping hump, draggy leg, and all. so take the love damn it! lol

Lynn said...

{{{{{{{{Mel}}}}}}}}

I understand.

Mommy Dearest said...

Wow.

MarmiteToasty said...

((((lynn)))~ I wish you so much peace..... its a great place to be :).....xxxx

~(((MommyDearest)))~ LOL@wow..... :)..... now is that a wow in a bad way? or a gobsmacked way? I dont read code ya know, gawds sake.....

x

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((ciara slagbag and anyones for a fiver)))~ Im worth more then 2 pence lol....... well when Im on form I am ;)........fanks you.....xxx

fatty said...

so now when you pack up and head for the ol lady's to do garage sales.. i'll be expecting the lemon drizzle cake with lashings of hot custard..
good lord woman i'll be dreaming about that now.. lol

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((kahless)))~ hey you, welcome, sorry I missed ya earlier.. Im a bit of a dinlo like that sometimes......

So, how did you stumble in here? scroll back and read, I can guarantee ya wont stay long LMFOA......xx

((((((((((Sharkie)))))))) ya could of at least stacked the bleedin dishwasher....... and tidied the toy room lol.... oh and, and and ;)... xxxx

OrdinaryShark said...

Yeah right. I stack and put 'em away in all the wrong cupboard and then all hell breaks loose when the boys can't find their favorite sippy cup for their morning tea and you have to serve Janet off'n the wrong plate because I stuck her's under the casserole dish and she gets her feathers all up in a snit and won't lay eggs for a week and then I catch shit for that as well. It ain't worf it.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((Sharkie))))~ dont go dragging out the same old excuse as to why ya cant do the diswasher lol...... the old 'I'll be nagged to death' excuse.....

Ya see, I wouldnt nag, I would sweetly smile and when ya wasnt looking I would quickly put everything in its proper place.... cos I would just be so grateful that ya had dont the dishwasher..... THATS what counted....xxxx

Jennifer said...

I hunt people down and rip out there spleens :) but thats me part-time evening job...
ROFL...I can relate to that!

ciara said...

(((mel two bit hussy)))i'll have you know that i don't love em long time for less than ten dollah lol anyways, saw sir in the gloomies and he said that you have risen from the dead lmao i asked him if u had been in there...he said no...she sent me a freakin novel lol now what i'm wondering is why i never get a novel, not even a post-it note lol

MarmiteToasty said...

~((((jennifer))))~ :) spleen ripping out, leg breaking, skull cracking..... see, I have many fingers in the pies LMFAO......xxxx

~((((open for business all hours ciara))))~ yeah I dropped Sir an IM thingie.... I do miss him he did make me laff..... ok ok, I will drop you a line, Ive been up to me eyes in stuff since the weekend..... me matie buried her 6 year old son yesterday, so it was a testing time, I didnt go, but me and me matie Sharon had 17 nippers so that other friends could go without their tots.... and bloody black michele didnt even bring us a doggie bag back from the wake with sarnies and sausage rolls, what sort of matie is that.......:) .......xxxxxxxxx

ciara said...

(((mel & matie)))sorry to hear bout matie's son...i can't even imagine. one always expects their child to bury them, but never the other way around. damn that bloody black michelle...how rude! lol

Interplanet Janet said...

((((Marmie))),

All I got is $25 US Dollars - will that do? ;) (I know, I know, that's only about 13 of your pounds. Bloody US trade deficit.... )

xxxxxxxx

green libertarian said...

I think, Ive found it with my boys.... and oneday MY PRINCE WILL COME :)....... does any of that make sense? lol....

YES, IT DOES.

green libertarian said...

toadman said...

I'm with ya Bugwit.. I'll help to eradicate this epidemic, so long as it doesn't extend to female cleavage.


Busting a gut here, Toadman. Pun not intended.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((ciara))))~ yep, well sad, Daniel was a dear little chappie.....

and bloody black Michele is on a warning...... if the next funeral she goes to, (we dont even care if she has to gatecrash one) if she dont bring us back a doggie bag then she might be rubbed off the crimbo list lol.....xxx


~((((interplanet janet))))~ nope, 13 quid dont cut the mustard :).....xxxx

~((((((Greenie))))))~ I told ya Im just a dreamer LOL....

and Toadies comment so made me laff.... *shaking me head*.....xxxxxxxxxx

Kahless said...

I stumbled on your site from Lynn's.
Your's iconie picture thing is so mesmerising!

Pixie said...

I've got here a bit late but I'm so pleased i have.

Your sons are a credit to you.

It's hard work being a single parent, and look like you've done an OK job by the look of them.

Maybe that's because you had the life you did. Parents they f... you up, and then we spend our lives undoing their mistakes with our own children.
px

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((kahless)))~ welcome :) and yes aint that little chicken great lol....xx

~(((pixie)))~ but you see, the thing is, I dont consider Im fucked up.... I might be a little crazy but I sure dont let pass shit ruin life and what it holds for me or me lads...... :) xxxxx

Sally Lomax said...

That is a very moving and sad post. I am so sorry that that all happened to you.

I cried to read it all...

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((sally lomax)))~ hey :) fanks for scrolling back.....

Please, no tears, it was what it was at the time :)..... xxxx

Anonymous said...

What a load of bollocks. Melody your suck a liar its unreal. You must get a kick from people feeling sorry for you. Dad never beat you and as for asking for things... How about the electric piano you had a Leigh park, ice skating boots, riding lessons, electric typewriter, typing and shorthand lessons, brand new scooter... Shit the list goes on. Stop trying to be a victim as an excuse for your failed relationships. You are the cause that people shunned you. Nobody walked out on the boys we all walked out on sicko you. But all of us decided that your evil nasty violence streak towards the boys would just be fed if we kept in contact with the boys. Melody your sick in the head you really are. How your allowed to look after other peoples kids scares the shit outta me.
Your a spiteful evil old bitter hag that makes up stories so people will feel sorry for you.

Damn you a sad one you really are. So first friends then family now your own boys. Read that melody and realize its you. You the crazy lying sad old lonely thing.

Anonymous said...

You got married and moved into a house. Not rented but a mortgaged house with furniture and cooker fridge etc. Wonder where all that came from?

You are deluded and I feel so sorry for these people you have fooled into sending you sympathy, money, presents etc. This is just begging with lies. How can you sleep at night knowing the lies you are telling people about your dead parents. And you wonder why no one shows you respect in real life????
Melody your sad very very sad. You w never beaten or raped. Stop trying to get sympathy and seek help.
The entire family is eager that you seek professional help. We all swap the nasty emails and posts you send so we all know how your trying so split us up. The lies you tell Sandra about Paul and Vicky verky. Using Jacobs account to send shit at me. Your just sick melody.

Des Sherwood said...

You are such a fucking liar melody it's untrue... Dad never raised a hand to you and you know it... Melody no one turned people away from you you did it yourself... Both your parents dis owned you because your mean and nasty and a compulsive liar.
As for your kids, as a family we all decided that your nasty nature would be pointed at them if we all kept in contact with them... You know that anger right.. Throwing terra cotta plant pots at Tom, grabbing Ben by the scruff of his shirt and screaming that someone take this little shit away before you hurt him... Melody your an unfit mother and always have been.
Yes your parents were disappointed with you... Because you ARE a disappointment being so nasty and mean and a perpetual liar.

You chased away all your friends, then your family, then your husband and now your doing the same to your kids with the temper tantrums you have because they are seeing their dad etc.

You are sick melody and need professional help.
You suffer from a dies ease called maunhaussen by Internet.... This is where you seek sympathy for illness or abuse and or monatary reward... As here melody you have lied over and over again.

Dad was a funny guy and we had a laugh together, you treated him like shit and was often rude to him... He never once bit back, because he knew you would stop him seeing the boys, because melody that is how sick in the head nasty you are.

As for trying to separate the family, no melody yet again it was you...we we as a family started talking openly about it it was clear that YOU lied to each and everyone of us about the others... So we started passing on what lies you were saying to each other... That's why melody you have not got a family anymore... No one likes you, some put up with you but that's it out of pity I guess.

As a parent, person, friend and wife you are a GREAT disappointment. AND YOUR NOT THE VICTIM you are a lying nasty piece of shit.

You are no family member of mine that's for sure.

Des Sherwood said...

Oh another thing... The whole family including your kids know about this post of yours.

You are such a sad individual... Your antics make us all laugh... We laugh at you melody.. Because you are a joke, a pathetic sad lonely disappointment of a joke.