Saturday, 17 March 2007

All Hail The Mighty Janet............



Ok........ just a quickie........ As you can see by the picture, Janet has been laying one egg a day since Wednesday.... that means she is happy and content and loves me with with a passion.....great aye, just love from a bloody chicken lol :)...... I toddle down the garden every morning and let her out into the little pen, but today, cos we was around, we opened the door and she had free run down the bottom of the garden to scratch and peck around...... she was not even scared when my Jacob was on the big trampoline with his maties, she just sat underneath...... she is WELL A BLOODY COOL CHICKEN......... I did have to shoo her away from the back gate though cos Im sure she was trying to limbo under it and escape out the back to go see Patricks chicken 2 doors along...... oh lordy, dont say she is gonna be a right little slapper chicken..... the bloody tart.....

She seems to lay her ONE egg around 11ish :) probably after doing tea and crumpets with the girls LOL........

Anyways....... Tom decided today that 4 little bantam eggs was enough for egg on toast for his lunch, so he had the honour of having the first tasting of Janet's eggs........



Tom says they was the tastiest bestest fried eggs he had ever had......... THEN DONT LOOK SO BLOODY MISERABLE TOM lol......... right thats the lads cooking, now if only they would learn to clear up the mess after them........

So the day went smooth, no hiccups as such........ I did panic a little when I realised it was dark out and I had forgotten to shove Janet back in her little coop and shut the hatch...... so I tiptoed down the garden in the dark looking for her, only to find she had seen herself home and was just waiting for someone to shut the door and turn off the lights........ sorted - so I walked back up the garden - you must understand I rarely wear shoes..... if I can get away being barefooted then I will - so there I am fumbling back up the garden in the dark when 'squelch' I stop dead in me tracks..... on no I must of trod on a slug or a snail and it had squidged between me toes........ gawds sake.......... but when I got up to the house and looked........ it was chicken poo LMFAO.......... bloody hell........ Janet sure does do big poos for such a tiny chicken lmfao......... :) anyways, whats a bit of chicken poo between friends.......

ps......... being of nursery (plants) stock...... we taught our lads at a very young age that slugs was OUR ENERMY....... and I will give you a great tip when confronted with a slug in your garden........ they can strip me delphiniums down to just a stem in a matter of an hour ya know - ok, when you see a slug, if you stamp ya foot down hard on just one end of it, it will shoot out of its skin at a rate of knots...... make sure you do this with no one standing in front, cos have you ever seen flying slug innerds flying at someone at 10 miles an hour...... not good...... and ya left with an intact slug skin :)....... another good one is, if you surround the slug with a little circle of salt, when it tries to escape, it goes all bubbly and sort of implodes in a bubble of froth........ I think I have been living with boys way to long lol

But now, all slugs will be hand feed to Janet, she so looks like a slug eater, remembering NOT to put slug pellets down in me garden or we will end up killing her - see, Im just a mine of useless information...... :)

Way to much Twaddle and rubbish for one evening......

x

28 comments:

the psycho therapist said...

All this time I've loved and worshipped you. All this time I've laughed at your funny stories, cried with the sad tales and commiserated about "offing" some stupid fuck(s)in desperate need of, uh, punishment, but this, this violent act consisting of stripping slugs of their innards? No, no, here I must draw the line.

We all have our limits.
I will never look at you in the same light again.
Kindly refund my subscription to this blog.

As for Janet, I'm calling the Humane Society and reporting you as soon as I stop typing. Best to arm yourself the armed guards come knocking.

Tsk tsk. Poor Janet. Having to grow up in a foster home now...all because of you and your horrific violent tendencies.

(hee hee)

--

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((((PT)))))~ Does it look like Im bloody bovvered ;)......

Look, I love animals, but slugs are just slugs.... what would you want me to do with them, invited them round for tea and scones..... A SLUG is put on this earth to be abused and stamped on........ :) it is their function in life, to bring joy to small nursery children..... it was the highlight of my lads days to find a big fat black or ginger slug :)......

ps....... you even think about taking Janet away from me and I will hunt you down and rip out your spleen....... of course, that would be once I looked up where ya spleen is located and how easy it is to get to it without much blood...... :)

Sometimes my dear friend, you are well daft cow LOL - but I loves ya anyways .. xxxxx

OrdinaryShark said...

OK just for PT we will stuff the innards back into any hapless slugs (the garden kind) that get de-innered (yup, I said it) on this blog. While my own Buddhist tendencies wouldn't lead me down that path (er..)I do understand the nurseryman’s (or woman in this case) desire to protect the stock! Life is, as I say, complicated. Now where are all those bits?
Marm, Ordinary-Shark. To answer your question shark is because I'm a shark or lawyer (pronounced"li-ar") as some would say. Ordinary because I ride what is called an "Ordinary" bicycle. You call 'em Penny Farthings. I have an old Bailey-Thomas from England, in fact. About 1850. But in my defense I will say that I started out as a bicycle shop owner and picture framer, so I did some good in the world before turning to the dark side. And, land in these parts ain't nearly so dear as it is there, or at least where I have it, which is in the middle of nowhere, but you're welcome to stroll on it anytime.
And that ain't no Banty, baby. She's a right full sized hen! Banty eggs are great fun to hard boil; they're bite sized!
Off to the movies kids. Ta-ta.

JBelle said...

focking slugs. that's better than they deserve. (you can always tell these bleeding heart non-gardeners a shovel's length away)

Peanut said...

When I lived in the UK still.. well, it was in Hampshire.. see Mel.. all us "bestest" peeps come from Hants.. lol

Anyway... it must've been slug heaven. .. it was disgusting. But I never squished out their innards, nor put salt out.. I did the beer in a little dish thing.. and they'd get in there, to get soused, and then drown.

Rotton waste of good beer though, huh?

Starr Kelso said...

I am researching the proper care of an elk skull. I saw some beauts at the Bighorn Sportsman Show in Spokane today. I doubt I will be able to replicate them. I will contact the US Postal Service next week to see what their requirements are for mailing a skull. It will be a hoot to hear what they have to say when I tell them I want to mail a skull to GB. That one will be worth the price of admission. Oh, Matt said okay-- so long as I hadn't promised the ivory too. He is going to have rings made out of them for me and him. It is real ivory you know. I had one made for my father years ago, who gave it to me just before he passed away, and I just gave it to my oldest son for his birthday. Hopefully I am not about to pass away shortly. Anyway, I calmed him down right away because he was approaching me with his new quick release knife in one hand and his football championship ring on the other. Both lethal. The weather turned nice so we will get to processing it shortly. I'll keep you informed about the progress towards shipping. --Oh, one thing, could you do an abridged version of your comments, translated into English? I find myself getting cross eyed with a substantial headache as I try to read them as originally posted. Probably not? Oh well, never mind.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((Shark)))~ cripes your a solicitor :)... do you really ride a penny-farthing? or are you just winding me up? - ok I thought shark meant you lived near the sea and maybe ya had a lucky escape once whilst swimming.... geeez Im such a dinlo at times..... and hey, you so dont need to say owt in your defence over here on this blob...... but that will cost you 2/6d lmfao hahahahaha...... :) -

Ive just thought, we could all live in a commune, cos we have a solicitor, accountant, teachers, nut nurse, wild man of the forest, and then dinlo me lol.....we could rope Chuck in and live off the land and nature..... and sod the rest of the world ;) - I will come over and stroll ya land and suss it out for suitability....

Are you sure Janet aint no bantam, the eggs are tiny compared to the bought ones I have in me fridge?

~(((JBelle)))~ yeh :) bloody whimpy townies aint they...... geez people they are only slugs....... gathering up all the slugs skins and thinking of a money making idea lol see always me business head on :) - thinking stuffing them with garlic mince and herbs and flogging them to shark and Wendy..... oh now ya dont mind so much do ya........ xx

~(((Peanut)))~ yep all the best come from down ere :) and your right, it is slug heaven here, I do not harm the snails, even though they are almost as bad here as the slugs.... I just pick them up and lob them over me twat neighbours fences lol :) - I aint stupid ya know...... when Jacob was about 5 he had a pet snail called Simon, he had it for months and months until I lobbed it over the fence once morning by mistake LOL ....... ya get slugs and snails in the states, right? xxx

ps...... I think slug stomping is gonna be in the next commonwealth games..... no joke..... ;) x

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((Star)))~ you posted just as I posted meself :)....

OMG your really truely serious..... :) if only you could see the beam on me face right this minute...... and wow, I didnt know the horns were actually ivory....how special for your son to have your fathers ring..... and hey, if you can find out about posting one it would be bleedin brill..... :) and of course I would send you all the necesary postage and packaging costs........ omg I can just see me postie trying to carry an elk head on the handbars of his bike lmfao hahahahahaha........ I am so keeping my fingers cross that you will manage to find out all about the possibility of sending one, but please please dont go to to much time and trouble...... (hoping that star does) lol....... Jebus...... you wait til I tell me townie maties over here, they will get me sectioned under the mental health act LMFAO........ can you feel the excitement rising :) - I must be a right ole saddo lol

Oye, LOL@translation....... hey come on, surely I just type like the rest of ya, dont I? maybe if I just typed slower like I have to talk on the phone when I ring a doodle up lmfao........ :) fanks matie so very much for taking the time and trouble to try and suss something out..... your really will be a star, if you can pull this off.......... MEGA BLOODY CHUFTED xxx

The Fool said...

Since you've bolted me in a virtual room, I suppose this message is being via virtual telepathy, and this visit is a discorporate event. Hmmm. I'm confused. I'll be back if I can find my way.

Those ain't virtual slugs are they. Imploding slug froth? Is that like bug beer?

This is confusing. Go Janet!

The Fool said...

Here...the word "sent" is missing from the previous virtual telepathy. Put it back where it belongs please.

Thank you.

Bugger any other editing errors.

Chuft on!

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Foolie))~ you so make me smile.... fank you, just fank you....... xx

Starr Kelso said...

Yes, I noticed that too. Oh, the horns are not the ivory. Good thing too as this was a female elk, a "cow." The ivory are what "back in the day" were the actual tusks. The are called the "eye teeth." The older that an elk gets the more burnished the eye teeth become and they take on a unique look. Dont worry about the postage etc. As I said, it is worth the price of admission.

Starr Kelso said...

Oh, say, just thought of it. You can read about the history behind Matt's getting this particular elk on the early writings on my blog. They are "Zero", "Late Season Archery" and "No More O-Fer."

Starr Kelso said...

Darn, the mind is going. It must have been the Mexican food I had today to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Go Figure.

I forgot that I also wrote "Silence is Golden" and it is also about Matt's elk. e.g. your elk skull.

Heck, now I will have a chance to write another comment about the skull cleaning process. Wow, what at day!

Jump to the Left said...

She was bloody made to eat the damn slugs!

Three cheers for Janet!!

Tasty eggs, and all.

Ahem.
ROTFLMAO.

MarmiteToasty said...

~Star~ ...... we just googled elk LOL... cripes there I was thinking it was some little bambi deer LMFAO..... *clearing the Antlers from the beams in me kitchen to make way for an ELK HEAD lol..... :) I will beable to charge nippers admission to come and view the elk.......... we do have a little deer head and a badgers head and various other little creatures...... they sit on the beam in me kitchen just above the table lol..... me minded nippers are always asking what they are - me reply - they are minded kids that didnt eat all there lunch...... never have problems with them eating LOL you should see them at halloween when we drag the coffin out (yep we have a small coffin) from under the bed and they open it up and there is a real looking little skeleton in there..... A BIT OF FEAR IS GOOD IN KIDS lmfao..... its all memories :)

I'll go read your story on your blob about Matts elk :) just gotta love this interaction from blob jumping :) - and ya know that mexicon food strips the lining off ya stomach right? and I would not like to be in your house the next day lol..... its bad enough here with 4 lads the day after curry night, if you get me drift....

Anyways you will be a star if you can pull this off...... but again, please dont go to to much trouble...... and YES I will sort out the postage and packaging costs... NO ARGUEING on that one :) .........xx

MarmiteToasty said...

~Jump~ ARE YOU LAFFING AGAIN lmfao...... hahahahahaha

:( Wondering why green dont visit......

x

the psycho therapist said...

For Our Lady Of The Schmeebs:

I ain't no bleedin' heart, I advocate for less violent forms of death, s'all.

Reference Peanut's alternate solution with particular emphasis on death by (hopefull) imported dark beer. :)

Shark, thank you. You long held my attention on TUBOB...before I had to ask the waiter for the check. Hello, again.

Yeah, where is the Greenster of Love and his drive-by comments?
:)
;)

---

MarmiteToasty said...

:) Wendy....... picking up all the slugs in me garden and boxing them up and sending them to you :) they so should survive a week in the post, I think thats all it takes..... I'll bung in a lettuce to keep them going........ there sorted, the bloody slugs are all yours to do with as you please.......

x

sidenote said...

Crushed seashells work great for keeping slugs away from your plants. Sharp edges deter slugs.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Can you take a video of the flying slug innards? I GOTTA see that!

the psycho therapist said...

Don't encourage her, Harold, you know it takes so very little to get her going.

Send those slugs and you'll *really* have something to tell "Nig" this week. I don't give a rat's arse what kinda cripple y'are.

;)


--

MarmiteToasty said...

~((MrFab))~ good job you didnt say 'I double dare ya' lol x

~((Wendy))~ :) you should see the lovely selection of slugs Im been picking out me garden this morning :) *evil grin* ...... expect them in one week LOL........

LOL@cripple, yep now ya sounding just like me maties here lol...... RUN FOREST :) xx

green libertarian said...

gathering up all the slugs skins and thinking of a money making idea lol see always me business head on :) - thinking stuffing them with garlic mince and herbs and flogging them to shark and Wendy..... oh now ya dont mind so much do ya........ xx

Brill idea, Mel, just brill.

Jesus, my side hurts from laughing so hard.

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