Saturday, 24 March 2007

Sometimes I Worry About My Sanity........

Ok........... usual laid back Saturday here.......got up to a pile of dishes to be dishwasher stacked..... asked the usual question to me lads 'which bit of someone stack the dishwasher, dont anyone get' ...... ok, Im on strike this morning..... so unless SOMEONE ANYONE but me loads the dishes then when all dishes/pots/pans/utensils in this house have been used to eat off of Im gonna bin the lot and dish ya dinner up off the floor..... :) there that got them moving :) - Jebus Im heartless sometimes, boys aint suppose to do anything right? THINK A BLOODY GAIN...... :).......

Right, here comes the 'your mental Mel bit' - I had to go to the reptile shop to get some dead frozen mice, and a box of live crickets and on the way back pick up my Sam who had stayed over at a 'house party' at his maties house (God help the parents when they come home)....... so there I am, driving along, when I suddenly think........shit why did I drive this way? why didnt I drive the back lanes way? AND THEN I SAW IT......... its a sign....... holy moly.......... ITS A BLEEDIN SIGN I tells ya....... there WAS afterall a reason as to why me brain, me soul, me very core took me the long way round.............

It was there, chained to a tree outside of someones house........ shining....... red and chrome...... with MY JACOBS name on it......... ITS A SIGN........sigh.......




Ok, let me explain....... Last year my Jacob was looking at a bike on the internet, it was a Stilletto Giant Chopper Style bike.....he looked longingly at this bike for days and days and talked about it with such lust..... BUT Jacob being Jacob would never of said 'mum can I have'.... he aint that sort of lad..... and he knew for a start that the bike was £350 ($700) which as bikes go is sort of expensive.......

But at christmas cos he needed a new bike for a bit of freedom and cos his BMX was well knackered that he had had 3 years previous, I bought him a lovely mountain bike with loads of them gear things :) ........ it was quite expensive but I got it in the sale for $400 so it was well a bargain, and the freedom its given him and me for that matter (cos less lifts to give) has been great........

So....... back earlier......... Driving down Sunnymead Drive, the long way round to pick up my Sam, and not knowing why I would of driven that way in the first place....... I saw this bike chained up to a tree outside of someones house with a FOR SALE sign on it....... my heart started to pound - OMG omg it was the red Stilletto Giant bike that Jacob has lusted for last year......... my head said drive on BUT my heart and soul said, just stop and have a butchers......... so after picking Sam up, 10 dead frozen white mice and a box of live crickets.... I drove back the way I had come, hoping in my heart of hearts that the bike was still there........

As we drive along the road I spot it on the next bend and I slam on the brakes lol my Sam almost shot through the windscreen lol........ and I just sit there in me car with Sam saying..... mum, what the hell ya doing......... so I says........ Sam, LOOK AT THAT, JUST LOOK AT THAT MUVVER........ I say to him, get out and have a proper look at it and go knock on the door of that house and see what they want for it........ mum, he says, it looks brand new and they are £350 ($700) so it aint gonna be cheap...... GET OUT THE BLEEDIN CAR AND GO ASK........ my heart pounding.......... my Jacob would die to get his hands on this bike.......... it had his name on it......... it was a sign that I went the wrong way....... it was meant to be...........

So, with that this huge scarey bloke comes out of the garden towards us........ hello, I says...... was looking at the bike........ oh he says, its almost new, we bought it a few months ago and its been ridden only probably 3 times and me kid dont like it........... so in a quiet voice I say........ how much was you looking for to get for it then...... so the bloke says, well make me an offer, you do know they are about 350 quid thats what we paid for it just after christmas.......... omg omg there is no way he would accept what I had in my head for it......... so jokingly I says........ I'll give you 50 quid ($100).... this HUGE bloke did the loudest belly laff I have ever heard....... your aving a laff right? he said.......... me with nervious laff.... yeah of course I was *stupid girlie giggle*........ what did you actually really want I asked again.... A SENSIBLE OFFER he boomed......

To be honest at this point I was a little affeared of this huge bloke and in my head was devising a plan of attack and how to take the muvver down to ground level if needs must LMFAO.........

With that he smiled the most lovely smile and started to laff........... look he said.... we really want rid so be sensible and just say what you want to pay......... so again I jokingly say....... 100 quid ($200) and it was a joke cos after all they are expensive and it was as new........... 'DONE' he said........ oh I said 'done' :) mega chufted....

I said I didnt have a 100 quid on me obviously, so he asked if I could leave a deposit and come back with the rest............. ha....

So I says....... a deposit...... ok well, I aint got no money on me but a couple of quid, but I can either leave you with my Sam *pointing at Sam* as a deposit until I get back....... or 10 dead white frozen mice..... or a box of 20 live crickets........

Cripes, the bloke almost fell on the floor, he creased up and held his sides...... 'the funny thing is' he said while laffing real loud 'is that YOUR SERIOUS' lol....... so we just shook hands and I said I would be back within half hour with the dosh to pick it up :)........

So now its sitting in old Mr Footes garage under an old duvet cover :)....... waiting for Jacobs Birthday on 10 June ....... SORTED......... well bloody sorted....... I know one young lad that is gonna be beaming from ear to bloody ear........and the thing is it aint a kids bike as such its HUGE......

check it out - http://www.rutlandcycling.com/ProductDetails/mcs/productID/5236

My Jacob loves bikes and he bought a bike last year off of ebay a greenmachine....... which is pretty cool..... so now with this other bike come his birthday he will have quite a collection..... now he just needs a penny farthing lol...... oye Shark, how about it? :) jokin..



It was meant to be......... and ya know what........ cos there is no way my lad would of asked for a bike so expensive........ IT WAS MEANT TO BE....... what a bargain...

Enuff Twaddle of a Saturday..... x

HUGE PS........ what I forgot to add ........ after putting the seats down in me car to fit the bike in and lobbing all the baby seats and booster seats on top, we are driving home when my Sam shouts STOP STOP STOP....... so again I slam on the brakes, thinking with me head in the clouds I had maybe run someone or something over..... we are stopped in the middle of a side road and Im thinking whatever Ive run over aint moving or making a sound........... BLOODY HELL MUM look at that, and as I look where he is pointing in someones drive, there is a bird........ not just any old bloody bird, but what looked like a guinea fowl thing........ could this possibly be a friend for Janet......... mum, lets get out and catch it...... I laffed and said you ave to be kidding right, nope he says...... so I move the car to the kerb and we get out, only armed with a teatowel that I found in the car that had been used to wipe up baby sick lol...... the plan was to corner the guinea fowl and lob the teatowel on its head and pick it up :) ---- easy right? ---- NO IT WAS NOT..... chased the bleedin bird around someones front garden and over their flower beds for nearly 10 minutes - well he did the chasing cos of me knee and I did the arm waving and hobbling and screaming lol - when it shot down their side alley and into their back garden, as we peered through the back gate it flapped over their back fence into the field behind....... dam... dam...... then the door of the house whose drive we was standing in and whose garden we had just ran all over, opened his side door and told us nicely to get out of his garden........ actually he said - GET OUT OF ME FUCKING GARDEN YOU IDIOTS BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE........ hahahahaha..... we made a quick getaway..... minus the guinea fowl.......... PRICELESS.......

x

35 comments:

JBelle said...

O*MI*GOD*

This is absolutely phenomenal! You, as it's been said, are a freaking genius. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

(can't help by reflect on how some weeks start and how some weeks end)(ya suit up for 'em all, right?)

xoxoxoxoxo
!!!!!!!!!!
**********

JBelle said...

You know what? you need to get busy on my wedgwood acquisitions.

you just love those boys more. (frowning)

the psycho therapist said...

I love coming here and listening to you because that's what it is, hearing you just as you sound. You really should consider stand-up comedy.

What? You don't think you'd have enough "material" to work with? Jesus, just hobbling up on the stage would do it and you have more good stories than most anyone I know. Think "Sleddie", think "smashing me head on the kerb", think "landing flaps", "slappers", "legs eleven".

You're a natural born killer, the "bestest" kind.

Folks, she's even funnier "live". True, dat.

Excellent "wrong" turn, as usual.
:)


--

the psycho therapist said...

And isn't Jbelle a troublemaker these days? Must be all that spring energy.
(smiling so big my teeth are showing and winking at my Schmeebsie, gardener and mother, cook and designer, goddess of travelogue and taste...and with a wit to die for.)

Also very funny "live".

Me love me friends, me love 'em up.
Too bad they'll have to wait on those Gumby's.

:)


--

Starr Kelso said...

Yes...Priceless...says it all.

MarmiteToasty said...

~((JBelle))~ I to thought it was a phenomenal find.......

and your right, considering a head thumping a week ago to a heart thumping today..... suited and booted :) xxxxx

ps - wedgie smedgie :) have patience dear dear friend :) x

~(((Wendy)))~ so now ya saying me life is just one big joke? LOL... :)

Do I really type how I sound? oh how very common of me LMFAO - arh dear dear sleddie ;) xxx

And YES Schmeebie IS lol

~(((Starr)))~ yep the blokies words were priceless.... bloody git he was lol..... :) xxx

Starr Kelso said...

Wasn't referring to the blokies words...ya loon.

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Starr))~ oh lol......checking me post for other priceless things lmfao... x

susan said...

Yay for Marmy and Jacob.
You put a smile on my face.

OrdinaryShark said...

Marm that is just fantastic. June 10th huh? Girlface's birthday is June 11. Last year I got her a used Cannondale al-u-min-e-um bike (as you would say, albeit spell-e-ated the same way) road bike. It's sea sick green in color so I put purple waterbottle cages and purple pedals on it. She adores her bike and uses it as her sole transport. So I guess she's takin' after her Parp and big brother (Whom she adores; you'll recall he did a transcontinental last summer)
You may recall also that I used to own bicycle shops in a past life (gads 30 years ago!) I started with used bikes. Have always (and still do) said a used bike is the best value around, especially little used ones like the one you just scored. And it was a score, make no bones about that. I'm an investor in a local shop and know the values and costs. That bike wholesales for nearly $600. You done good.
Dare I ask....but the boys never read your blob?
If he wants to ride a Penny Farthing I'll get you the name of a collector near you who would be happy to have him try one. It's just a bike, just a little older and a little higher and well, without any really functional breaks. Gravity often helps in stopping. Walls too. Trees. You get the idea.
Uh, you din'na think the Ginnie Fowl might have belonged to the guy who came out'n the door?
Ya think?
They're great for eaten' hoppers by the by. true.

Kati said...

Dang!!!! What a kick-butt deal on that bike!!!! Congrats on finding such a nice bike at such a fantastic rate!!

LOL about the guinea fowl adventure.

The Fool said...

Such a deal, M-Toasty...and your stories are THE BEST. Yes, indeedy. That's quite the stylin' bike to say the least.

You have such zest Marmie, and obviously care deeply for your boys...you get the "GOOD MUM OF THE DAY AWARD" - you're tops! And I want a picture of you toolin' down Main Street with Jacob on those gnarly rides.

;)

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((Susan)))~ it did :) then now you have put a smile on my face.... *wondering what I said that made you smile lol x

~((Shark))~ oh pukie green and purple how wonderful :) and aint it funny how you lot pronounce Al lumin in...... lol....... so much to say on this bike malarkie, maybe I need to do another post tomorrow :)...... I did have a sit up and beg Pashley bike with the wicker basket on the front... it was a huge framed bike and I couldnt touch the ground on it, but I LOVED that bike with a passion..... had to flog it when we was left on the shitpile of life, needed the money to feed the kids lol.... but sods law, the following week after flogging me pride and joy.... I bought a one pound charity raffle ticket that someone at school was selling, didnt think anything of it, but the following week it was announced that I had WON the bloody 21 geared mountain bike.... well bugger me.... a week to bloody late..... I would of flogged the mountain bike just to get me 3 gear Pashley Wicked Witch of the West bike back....... sigh....

I knows I got meself a good bargain with the bike, but you see, its not about that...... cos IT WAS MEANT TO BE.... it had Jacobs name on it :) - I was gonna get him a unicycle for his birthday cos we are all well into juggling and stuff this last month in this house :) but maybe I'll find one of those chained to a tree..... why do I always sing in me head 'unchained melody' when I type chained to a tree LMFAO.... and yes yes please about the penny farthing :) xx

~kati~ :) welcome back......yep but it was not just about the bargain, it went oh so much deeper then just that :)..... x

~(((Foolie)))~ oh hush ya gob lol I dont warrent no such thing...... and they aint stories they just be life :) - LOL@toolin down main street, maybe it might have to be 'peddling like bloody hell down Bunkers Hill' lol - oh my, the story I have about when we zoomed down Pit Hill on our bikes LMFAO.... maybe another time.... xx

OK Its gone bloody 2 in the morning here now..... Jebus, that will learn me staying up trying to suss out me Ebay stuff lmfao..... AND we loose an hour tonight cos our clocks go forward.......

So, I must love ya and leave ya all, cos this old bat needs her ugly sleep :)...... cats in, lights off, plugs pulled....... AND SOMEONE BRING ME TEA AND MARMITETOASTIES IN BED IN THE MORNING PLEASE ;) - nite maties, fanks for stopping back..... sleep sweet xxxxxxx

x

Peanut said...

June 10th.. Jacob
June 11th.. Girlface

and

June 12th.. my number two of The Three.

June's a busy month, huh?

Bike sounds really good, Mel.. the frozen mice and live crickets sound icky!!

green libertarian said...

OK, not a great "story" then Mel, a hilarious life you lead sometimes, just charmed, but it is in the telling, that's for sure.

Laughing and laughing.

Oh, yes, June is busy, HRHTPT is June 2.

the psycho therapist said...

/winking and smiling at Green

Thank you, baby.
:)


---

OrdinaryShark said...

I should have know you would be a juggler too, Marm. My buddy and one time bike shop partner (we combined our shops for about 6 months and then decided there were too many chiefs and not enough indians so we split them up again) Jeff Napier is/was a big time juggler. He has written books and all sorts of stuff on advanced passing etc. Google him and you can read all the stuff. (I know so many interesting people, is what I always say.) I just throw stuff up in the air and then try and figure out how to beat gravity. It all comes down anyway.
/Sigh/
And yes, I do understand it was meant to be. And you deserve it too. I just always like to emphasize how good bikes are in general and used bikes particularly.
Oh yeah, and Jeff used to build bikes AND unicycles too. He built 6 footers and even an eight footer, and my favorite was the commutie-uni, a commuting unicycle with a 27 inch wheel and tiny cranks that would just wicked zip. Ahhhh the good old days.
I'll shut off the lights.
Night.

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Peanut))~ :) My Jacob was born a day after me X's birthday (spit) I desparately tried to keep me legs crossed and me bum cheeks squeezed so that he didnt arrive on the same birthday date LOL maybe I KNEW even back then ;)

My Tom was born on me younger brothers 21st birthday and for years and years I would make this brother a miniture version of Toms cake... (I wonder what became of that brother)....

and 2 out of 4 of me lads share a birthday with a member of the Royal Family :) - see I told ya I had blue blood running through me dinlo veins.....

AND of course Wendys is 2 June..... ;) thinking cap already on and working lol xx

~((Green))~ :) mad house is more the term I would use lol no wonder sometimes late at night I leave the house and go sit up the woods or on the beach or at Petersfield lake.... I LOVE sitting on the beach real late in the night with no one else there.... xx

~(((Shark)))~ oh my, you are just a mine of information, you know some real cool people...... ok, when I say juggler lol... I mean we are TRYING to learn :) - me above mentioned brother was a wonderful juggler and could juggle like a tennis racket a sword and an orange and a flaming torch all at the same time....... us, well, my Tom came home with some well proper juggling balls and we can sort of do them just the basics, so I went out and bought some of them well proper good clubs.... :) well my Sam and my Tom have JUST been able to suss it out :) jebus its well hard lol..... I juggle life a little better :)....... I also tend to just lob it all in the air and hope that it falls in the right slots....

OK ya sold me on the unicycle :) that will be me next find....

I just hope I can get back on me bike once me knee has been sussed and sorted..... if not I will get a tandem and just put me feet up on the bar :).... oh my god, I have such a funny story about a tandem and me blind matie Hiliary LOL....... see, YOU are a mine of information and me, well, Im just a mine of stupid life stories LOL xxxxxxx

ps....oh and how old is pukie green and purple bike girl?

pps..... when my lads were younger I also had one of them trikes with the 2 seats on the back :) loved that bike, even though I ended up in the ditch sooooooo many times lol

The Fool said...

The question is, Marmie, have you gotten out in the wind today? Have YOU taken the red or green beast for a spin? If you need leathers and chaps you can borrow mine. I might even be able to scrounge a lid to protect the brainpan, but I'll have to search...as I ride solo, and I wear just a leather skull cap. Ain't nothin' like beig part of the scene, Marmie. Today the green machine...tomorrow an HD black and chrome soft tail. I can see it, Marmie, I tell you...I can see it. You've got the spirit of a motorcycle momma. I help learn ya the ropes...

...and hell, you don't even need a license. I've been a road dog for over 30 years...and I've never had one.

:)

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((Foolie))~ LOL you do make me smile......... the red beast is a peddle bike and is safely tucked away in old Mr Footes garage (he lives opposite) until 10 June when Jacob will have it :) - the green machine and his mountain bike are used daily :).....

As regards leathers and chaps :) - believe it or not me brothers were bikers and when younger that was my crowd that I hung with...... not the greasy ones though lol....... :) and I did have a little bike when I first lived here....... but I remember selling it when I had my Ben..... needed the money lol.....

I use to LOVE riding pillion though on the back of a bike, and hated it when the helmet law came in..... even though it did save both my brothers lives at one point and saved mine after coming off at 70ish miles an hour when the twat driver I was clinging onto for dear life shot through a red traffic light and swerved to avoid a car and we ended up thrown across the road and into a field..... just a broken wrist and severe concussion, oh and almost skinned from head to toe LOL :)........ jebus maybe thats why I am a loon now lol

MarmiteToasty said...

ok this is gonna sound well rude LMFAO but it will be everyones dirty minds ;) ....

its been a while since Ive had something throbbing between me legs LMFAO......... see I told ya...... ;)

x

MarmiteToasty said...

pps........ :) and not having a license is why my Ben was banned for 2 years LMFAO.......

x

Peanut said...

Was just thinking of the whole "sounding like she types" thing..

LOL

People.. people please...

Mel does not have an accent.. and neither do I lol

YOU ALL DO!!!!!!!

:o)

Starr Kelso said...

Pure insanity. Sitting here on my Group W bench, I find myself wondering whether the cats got in ok, the lights out and unplugged...makes me feel like Jon Boy Walton from the Walton Family.:)

OrdinaryShark said...

I've said it before, Marm, and I say it again; gravity is not your friend.
Now where's the damn cat?
Night

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Peanut))~ :) no I aint lol x

~((JonBoy))~ LOL...... x

~((Shark))~ you are right about gravity - untucking me boobs from me socks LMFAO x

x

Lynn said...

Oh, I LOVE a bargain!

Nice job, Mom!!!!

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Lynn)~ hugs, welcome :) - yeah it was such a great bargain, but it had even more of an impact on my soul.......... this lad, would NEVER of asked for such a bike, no matter how much he wanted one..... dont get me wrong, I have taught my lads to ask for things they need in life, I was beaten black and blue for asking for things, so many many times, that after a few times ya dont ask..... I didnt want that for my lads, so I encourage them to ask, for lifts and just normal kid things, BUT there is no way he would of asked for something so expensive :)....... and THAT is why it was a 'bargain' it had his name on it....... :) x

Starr Kelso said...

Morning Mtoast. Matt just came in and punched me thrice to show me he had part of his Highlight film up and running. He drug me out of me sack to see it. Well, being wide awake now, I decided to post it and check in. Hope you have a great day. What the heck happened to the cats?:)y

the psycho therapist said...

its been a while since Ive had something throbbing between me legs LMFAO...

C'mon, Marmydukes, you *know* I can't let that one go by without note.
(winkity wink)

Girl, you flippin' slay me.

Happy nipper-stress-free Monday.
As if.
(smiley smile)

--

OrdinaryShark said...

To answer your question, GirlFace of the green and purple bike will be 17 on 11June. 17 going on 24 mostly.
Well except for right now. She just handed me a note which reads: "dear father, please kill math all the time forever. thanks (heart) Kelsey"
I'm getting the feeling she's not liking her maths work right now. (She does her homeschooliong in my office.)
Her brother, Weaselboy happens to be filling in at the office today. He needs some work while waiting for the gardening season to start (what with our recent snow.) The place looks more like a bleed'n bike shop than a law office.

MarmiteToasty said...

LOL@you saying bleedin :)

Ok sending me 17 year old over for a part-time summer job LOL.....

Cool that they use your office ;) must be well tidy *ha

Its strange that my Sam at 17 (actually he left when he was 16) left normal school... like his school from 11-16 year olds.... and is now doing a BTec National Diploma in Music Technology at college...... he was good at Maths but hated it LOL

x

MarmiteToasty said...

:) Correction to me previous comment post to Foolie..... that would be 50 mph NOT 70 mph...... lol..... gawds sake.....

x

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Shark))~ send Weaselboy out to feed the chickens and I'll do the filing lol....... I did use to work for The Ministry ya know....... and NO, NOT the ministry of silly walks...... ;)

x

Peanut said...

Shark.. did I ever know before now that you're a homeschooling family?

If I did, I must've forgotton it.. sorry.

I homeschooled my kids too, until just recently. Kinda miss it, to be honest.. but life is life, I guess.