Sunday, 4 March 2007

Bloody Tits.......



Ok............... Last week I ordered a bird table for me little garden...... I thought it would be easier to just get the bugger delivered........ so Ive waited and waited and no bloody bird table has turned up.........

I use to have one hanging from me apple tree, but those that know, know the story of me apple tree and the chainsaw..... so with the demise of the apple tree so went the dangly bird table.........

I LOVE with a passion watching the little British birds in me garden, and we have a blackbird thats well not scared of me cats...... anyways.......... so I thought, I would treat meself to a bird table.........

Its not like I smoke or drink or go for wild crazy legs eleven sex with any Tom Dick or Harry, so whats a little treat once in a while :).....

But ya see the birdtable didnt turn up.... no word from the shop....... so, when me matie rings me on Friday and says......... oye Mel, I took you to the garden centre yesterday so today you can come with me to choose a hoover mower, and a giant pot for me Yukker and some mud (she is such a townie and calls soil, mud, there is no hope), so I says.... ok, but as we will be passing the shop where I ordered me bird table we can pop in there and pick it up...... ok she says........ so Im mega chufted......

So loaded again with 5 kids, a boot load of buggys and bags we head off mower shopping....... the mower was in a huge box, the pot for the yukker was huge, the bag of mud she chose was huge...... so the car is bursting at the seams but we are all singing along :) - shit....... dont forget me bird table....... so we stop off at Argos..... Argos was the only place that had a bird table that I really really liked........ the garden centre must of had 30 different ones, but when it comes to bird tables Im fussy and stubborn and I knows what I like..............

Well you would of laffed, cos we did........... we get all the nippers out the car and nip into Argos..... they said me table was on the delivery van today, so I says, well tough tittie Ive come to pick it up........ well off she goes and gets another one and OMG its in a box only about 2ft long........ wtf..... it said it was partically put together........ you aint serious I say, there is no way a 5 foot bird table with roof and bobble ball top is in the little box........ yep it was lol ....

So we take me purchase and we all squeeze back into the car now with an added box to squash in...... back to me maties house for lunch, then to suss and sort out the kids, then to repot the giant yukker and then to assemble me bird table :)

Well you must understand and the last thing me and me matie put together from a flatpack was last year, and it was her new television cabinet....... emmmmm well, she no longer has it lol........ it wibble and wobbled and only lasted 3 weeks before it collapsed lol........... but then we shouldnt of tried to put it together by hammering in the screws cos we didnt have a screwdriver only a hammer....... it was a learning experience.....

So kids sorted, yukker replanted with loads of giggles and swear words.......... shit, it took us almost 2 hours to try and put this partly put together birdtable together........ the partly bit was that they had assembled the roof bit..... but they didnt say it also had 50 yes 50 other screws to put in.........flashback to the telly cabinet, and we looked at each other and was almost wetting ourselves........

ok, so the bird table is a little wobbly and I will have to sort of dig it in the ground a bit to stop it falling over, and we didnt find all the holes for 50 screws cos we had 17 left over LOL, but all in all as we stood back, I think we made a good job........

Right, I says, you will have to give me a lift home cos there is no way I can carry that round the corner....... so we plonk all the kids back in the car...... and then try and get the bird table in.........HAHAHAHAHAHA........ there is NO WAY this 5 foot wobbly screwless thing was gonna fit in the car with everyone........ do we leave some of the kids behind? dare me lock them in the shed for 10 minutes while we nip me and the table home.......... nah......... we are woman, this is Mel and Ann we are talking about....... we can do anything :)..............

So, off we drive fully loaded with the birdtable sticking out the top of the sunroof of the car........ hahahahah complete with hanging nut feeder and berry fat bird snack dangly and swinging in the wind........... :) see we can do anything once we just think it through........

Old Mr Foot that lives opposite me was in his drive when we pulled up, sort of blank staring........ he was shaking his head and laffing lol........ so we just smiled at him....... he knows me to well lol

So that was Friday........ not one bird has come near the table........ they had better bloody hurry up....... cos I spent not only the a lot of money on the birdtable but $20 on bleedin bird seed and treats....... they have one week to make an appearance before I start picking them off the fence with me sons air rifle....... one week......

Them birds are well getting on me tits......... :)

Blimey, to much twaddle for one day....

x

PS........ note the dangly berry fat feeder LMFAO...... of course it helps if I take the fat block OUT of the plastic wrapping hahahahahaha....... jebus, give me strength..... :)

19 comments:

The Fool said...

I just took a break from sorting out a plan for next week (you know, the one I abandon on Monday afternoon), and I thought I'd pop in. I'm glad I did. What a laugh. I'm sure glad I wasn't trying to hold a drink.

I'm not even going to consider the title here.

First off, I can't see why your friends would need to smoke or drink either. You're too much entertainment.

Only seventeen extra screws? You have enough left over to build a tower in Italy.

I know the "neighbor look."

Can't wait to hear what happens when a bird does land on on your bobble topped feeder (I picture one of those bobble-head dogs that folks put in the back windows of cars...or at least used to) Maybe the first brave fowl will be a descendant of Phylis's - r.i.p.

Hope the birds get off your tits and on to the feeder soon.

I see a flutterby. *Special*.

"Mega chufted" is destined to be part of the middle schooler's slang-lingo by mid-next week. Guaranteed. I'll note it in passing to a couple of lil Goth buddies, and it will spread like wildfire. Mega chufted...too funny.

Chuft on.

Mr. Fabulous said...

I always have a hangover after I read your posts. I reckon that's a good thing!

the psycho therapist said...

Damn...at least I don't smoke...(lol)...

The bestest part (for me) was the "PS" ending. Good lord I laughed hard at that one.

Marms, darlin', you are da bomb, uh, I mean, "a" bomb as in, (catcall whistle) "Wow, look at her. She's a bomb."

Crack me up.
Every.
Damned.
Time.

Yea!!!

:)

--

MarmiteToasty said...

~Fool~ thats tits as in blue tits in me garden lol or great tits lol..... not tits as in boobs LMFAO......

I aint suppose to be entertainment.... gawds sake.... but jebus do I have a laff with me maties during the day...... I tend to keep meself to meself in the evenings and weekends though.......

Yep the 'neighbour' look is funny..... I get a look of people shaking heads and rubbing chins to lol......

LOL@you teaching little alaskins 'meg chufted' hahahah to funny.....

I dont think Phylis would of fitted on me wibbly wobbly bird table - RIP sweetie lol squashed dead sweetie .....

Im sure once the birds see the feast spread out before them, they will brave me cats and take the risk of being eaten alive..... its a small price to pay for a peak of that berry fat block *giggling* x

~MrFab~ I bow down in your presence.... or is that presents LOL...... Im working again on the dead spider :)...... why do you have a hangover when visiting here? ...... gawds sake x

~Wendy~ :) hahahahahaha least ya dont smoke :) Im thinking of going to bingo so that I can try out the new legs eleven.... with a lager in hand and a fag in the other ..... its like killing 3 birds with one stone...... omg, we need to get them 3 birds onto me table *ha....

LOL@bomb....... yeah, blown up in me face ya mean :)... loves ya xx

OK peoples of Twaddleland....... sorry I aint really been commenting on ya blobs much if at all this weekend...... but Ive had a bit of a 'monk on' and ya know I sort of close up a little in those times..... but I have been reading ya all and smiling mega loads.......how could I not....

right then....... just gone the witching hour and I NEED to get to bed, not that I WANT to..... :)... ya know the rules.... last one up turn off the lights, unplug and cats out....... oh and seeing as how the dustman cometh tomorrow morning, someone wheel the bin out will ya, oh and the recycle bin needs to be shoved out the front....... nite maties.......

x

OrdinaryShark said...

Marm-
I love how you can post in the future! I get such a kick out of seeing tomorrow's date while I type yesterday.
Suffice it to say I wish you were my neighbor. Then I would be the one getting the "look", especially when the kids have a punk show in the barn. (First show of the season is May 1 -all welcome, vegan potluck and $5.00 at the door).
I've got a bloody huge tin of bird seed in my kitchen behind the cat food tin. Want it.
Thanks for another bright spot on my lazy Sunday.
Rest well.

JBelle said...

THE CHOWS LOVED THIS POST! They say those freaking birds eat all their food and are well getting on their tits!

Now they are all on their backs, rolling around and laughing.

?

MarmiteToasty said...

~Shark~ :) oh, so now Im just a bloody spot on ya sunday lol.... hehehe.... punk as in punk band? tell me more? 2 of me lads are drummers in punk bands...... Sams Band have been recording there stuff in the studios ready to be put on a EP... to tout round the record shops and promo people :)..... even though I go to all his gigs etc and some of the songs I LOVE.... its still basically a BLOODY DIN lol..... but jebus does he/they have fun with it..... I must be the oldest roadie in town lol....... oh how lucky for your kids to have a barn to hold gigs in........ the Youth Council here have just given my 17 year olds band $2000 :) so they can hire out The Wedge in town :)... if they do that and sell their own tickets, which is a doddle, they will make about $4000 each time, and the council have given them enough money to gig there twice......... :)

You can imagine THE LOOK I get from me neighbours when the bands come round for practise lol well it makes sense practising here, this is there the mega drum kit is ....... me neighbours should be use to us by now........ 14 years of musicial instruments in me home..... thats when the saxophone first was introduced here.... then violins, piano, keyboards, accoustic, guitar, 2 electric, guitars, mixing decks and sterios in very bedroom ........ :) I just smile at me neighbours and shrugg me shoulders.... ya can stop talent.....mad house I tell ya lol.... x

~JBelle~ :) gotta love them chows lol....... my Jacob is sooooo desparate for a dog.... but I DONT do dog poo ...... so I bought him stick insects lol - I know, I know, Im a bad mother :( xxxx

Carla said...

How very funny! Over all though, I'm thinking your birdtable is looking pretty good. Only 17 screws left, you say? I too know that neighbour look.

OrdinaryShark said...

Yes as in Punk Band. In the last few years we've had bands from as far away as Norway (the country, not the little hamlet of Norway, Maine, which is what I thought, then, when they started singing in Norwegian and they were all over 6 foot and fair skinned blonds I finally figured it out {they were The Spectacle} then the cops came because the Evil C_______, the only neighbor who ever complains, did what hew does best, complained, and these fine boys, all the way from Norway, tisk, tisk) Texas, Canada (eh?), Well pretty much all over. One of the highlights was Plan-it-X fest was held at "the Bike Barn" two years ago. Plan-it X is a punk label from Indiana and had a touring show with 13 bands for it's 10th anniversary. An all day affair, workshops, shows, sleeping bodies all over the house, platforms in trees, buses, cars filling the sheep pen lots of vegan food and a good time was had by all. The barn was literally bouncing! Send your boys over anytime. We'll set them up with a gig.
I know exactly what you mean, sometime it is fabulous music (I have a ton of good cds) and sometimes I'm glad I can go in the house!
Oh, and Marm, you are never "just" anything.

JBelle said...

There was a lot of snickering at the breakfast dishes this morning; somebody would mutter "Bloody Tits" and then it would start all over again. The Chows love to laugh.

Jonathan said...

hey marmie!
it might not be your bag of tricks, but any predictions for the upcoming game this weekend? is j-wilks gonna continue to be the saviour that he is, miraculously rebound from injury, and deliver a victory over the french??

The Fool said...

Heh-heh...mega chufted...it's gonna catch on I tell you...the kids were mega chufted to take the term on as their own...

Yep, their mega chufted at the prospects.

;)

the psycho therapist said...

Hey "Jonathan", golden nephew of mine...aren't you supposed to sworn off cyberland...hmmm?

That's it, I'm tellin' your Mum.

---

Peanut said...

Argos.. damn.. brings back some memories.

I know the neighbour look too... you ever done the fireworks thing, complete with sparklers, bonfire, and hotdogs, over here? Yeah.. I have..

BurdockBoy said...

Gday to ya:

Very amusing.

Ah I bet your little birds are a bit humble and intimidated by the big fancy bird feeder. They'll come around. Best of luck.

sidenote said...

Whew, I figured this story was going to be some adventure that involved piercings and tattoos.

MarmiteToasty said...

~Carla~ Welcome :) - yep only 17 left..... suppose to of used all 50 though, hence it wobbles.....

~Shark~ Told me lads about ya barn and ya gigs, and they are well impressed and said 'if only' lol..... what ages are your punks? and thats said in the nicest sense of the word :)....

~JBelle~ :) still no tits showing here... xx

~Jon~ hey you, sorry I cant post on your blob... your typepad and for some reason I can no longer comment on typepad blobs :( - aint been up on the rugby this year since me youngest gave it up this season :(.....

~Fool~ if I leave one thing behind me in this life, it will be my gift to alaska of 'mega chufted' :) x

~Wendy~ big hugs xxx

~Peanut~ yep :) we do the guy fawkes night EVERY 5th Nov come rain or shine....... and we always burn a guy :)...... and I always buy boxes and boxes of fireworks for the garden, we love em... we are a tad dangerous with them though, but no accidents as of yet :)...... we did nearly burn down Patricks chicken coop last year though lol...... we really should learn NOT to aim them rockets...... x

~Burdock~ you remind me of Dandelion and Burdock wine lol - yep they have to get use to it in me garden I suppose....... I did find me fat cat squashed on the table yesterday LOL I wish I had had me camera on me.....

~side note~ :) ya wanna know about me piercings and me tats? maybe that will be in another post..... but you sooooooo dont wanna see pics of 'down there' lol

Tipping it down with rain here today, I didnt venture out on the 5 hour trampoline trip last night cos of severe weather warnings...... they drive like bitches over here on the motorways in the rain..... I aint no dinlo ya know.....

Have a lovely Tuesdays - its me mental busy busy day today........ fanks for stopping by xx

x

Southwark Lad said...

oh no! well, i'll mess around with the commenting controls and try to figure out what needs to happen. also, i finally figured out this whole mess with google and creating a profile. it always signed me in with my gmail and used my real name. what a downer. now i've got proper name and picture too!

MarmiteToasty said...

~Jon~ so you see, I aint be ignoring ya, its just I cant comment on ANY typepad blob :( that includes Bobs and Scotts..... dam and bugger me, its a pain.....

And I have no clue as to how I get a little picture next to me name... told ya Im a complete computer dinlo....

x