Bloody Tits.......

Ok............... Last week I ordered a bird table for me little garden...... I thought it would be easier to just get the bugger delivered........ so Ive waited and waited and no bloody bird table has turned up.........

I use to have one hanging from me apple tree, but those that know, know the story of me apple tree and the chainsaw..... so with the demise of the apple tree so went the dangly bird table.........

I LOVE with a passion watching the little British birds in me garden, and we have a blackbird thats well not scared of me cats...... anyways.......... so I thought, I would treat meself to a bird table.........

Its not like I smoke or drink or go for wild crazy legs eleven sex with any Tom Dick or Harry, so whats a little treat once in a while :).....

But ya see the birdtable didnt turn up.... no word from the shop....... so, when me matie rings me on Friday and says......... oye Mel, I took you to the garden centre yesterday so today you can come with me to choose a hoover mower, and a giant pot for me Yukker and some mud (she is such a townie and calls soil, mud, there is no hope), so I says.... ok, but as we will be passing the shop where I ordered me bird table we can pop in there and pick it up...... ok she says........ so Im mega chufted......

So loaded again with 5 kids, a boot load of buggys and bags we head off mower shopping....... the mower was in a huge box, the pot for the yukker was huge, the bag of mud she chose was huge...... so the car is bursting at the seams but we are all singing along :) - shit....... dont forget me bird table....... so we stop off at Argos..... Argos was the only place that had a bird table that I really really liked........ the garden centre must of had 30 different ones, but when it comes to bird tables Im fussy and stubborn and I knows what I like..............

Well you would of laffed, cos we did........... we get all the nippers out the car and nip into Argos..... they said me table was on the delivery van today, so I says, well tough tittie Ive come to pick it up........ well off she goes and gets another one and OMG its in a box only about 2ft long........ wtf..... it said it was partically put together........ you aint serious I say, there is no way a 5 foot bird table with roof and bobble ball top is in the little box........ yep it was lol ....

So we take me purchase and we all squeeze back into the car now with an added box to squash in...... back to me maties house for lunch, then to suss and sort out the kids, then to repot the giant yukker and then to assemble me bird table :)

Well you must understand and the last thing me and me matie put together from a flatpack was last year, and it was her new television cabinet....... emmmmm well, she no longer has it lol........ it wibble and wobbled and only lasted 3 weeks before it collapsed lol........... but then we shouldnt of tried to put it together by hammering in the screws cos we didnt have a screwdriver only a hammer....... it was a learning experience.....

So kids sorted, yukker replanted with loads of giggles and swear words.......... shit, it took us almost 2 hours to try and put this partly put together birdtable together........ the partly bit was that they had assembled the roof bit..... but they didnt say it also had 50 yes 50 other screws to put in.........flashback to the telly cabinet, and we looked at each other and was almost wetting ourselves........

ok, so the bird table is a little wobbly and I will have to sort of dig it in the ground a bit to stop it falling over, and we didnt find all the holes for 50 screws cos we had 17 left over LOL, but all in all as we stood back, I think we made a good job........

Right, I says, you will have to give me a lift home cos there is no way I can carry that round the corner....... so we plonk all the kids back in the car...... and then try and get the bird table in.........HAHAHAHAHAHA........ there is NO WAY this 5 foot wobbly screwless thing was gonna fit in the car with everyone........ do we leave some of the kids behind? dare me lock them in the shed for 10 minutes while we nip me and the table home.......... nah......... we are woman, this is Mel and Ann we are talking about....... we can do anything :)..............

So, off we drive fully loaded with the birdtable sticking out the top of the sunroof of the car........ hahahahah complete with hanging nut feeder and berry fat bird snack dangly and swinging in the wind........... :) see we can do anything once we just think it through........

Old Mr Foot that lives opposite me was in his drive when we pulled up, sort of blank staring........ he was shaking his head and laffing lol........ so we just smiled at him....... he knows me to well lol

So that was Friday........ not one bird has come near the table........ they had better bloody hurry up....... cos I spent not only the a lot of money on the birdtable but $20 on bleedin bird seed and treats....... they have one week to make an appearance before I start picking them off the fence with me sons air rifle....... one week......

Them birds are well getting on me tits......... :)

Blimey, to much twaddle for one day....

x

PS........ note the dangly berry fat feeder LMFAO...... of course it helps if I take the fat block OUT of the plastic wrapping hahahahahaha....... jebus, give me strength..... :)