RIP Socrates.......

Ok........... I know that photograph is a bit pants, but it is afterall 25 years old, it was taken on a well naff camera...... oh how technology has come on since then.....

I hunted everywhere today to find that one and only picture of Socrates....

Anyways if you look real closely you will see that it is a picture of Socrates (named after a footballer) me tortoise........ ok where to start...... back in those days tortoises were easy to come by... almost 10 a penny....... a few years after that photo was taken, Britain put a ban on the import of tortoises from abroad, they had been imported by the box full, sometimes 200 in a small box, with only but a handful surviving......so us being the caring (lol) country that we be, decided that NO more importing and killing of tortoises.... 2 years after that picture, tortoises went from being 10 a penny to being well bloody expensive, and now you can only buy them from british breeders and they charge and arm and a leg or about £300 ($600) for one.......

So......... I had always wanted a tortoise...... for why, jebus alone knows........ so we get this tortoise, and I must admit he was well cool..... I use to get in from work and he would sort of run LMFAO...... ok ok maybe toddle up to me..... dont look at me like that, I swear he knew it was me...... anyways....... come the Autumn someone at work said that he needs to go in the shed in a box of straw and it would hibernate until the spring......... so I tucked Socrates up in a box from the shops with loads of hay and put him on the shelf in the shed...... and to be honest I forgot all about him over the winter.....

Come spring the same matie at work mentioned that it was time to uncover me tortoise from its winter sleep and put it out in the spring sunshine during the day, and then back in the box during the night until the nights became warmer, and he could stay out all night.......

Jebus I was so excited..... I remember getting up a little earlier the following morning and carefully taking the box out the shed, and lifting Socrates out of the hay and placing him on the grass next to a selection of salad veggies, knowing he would be well hungry after not having nuffin to eat all winter...... and I would go off to work........

Every morning for a fortnight I would take Socrates out of the hay box and place him in the garden with water and food, and every night when I got in from work, he would be in the exact same place, so I would put him back in the box and put him in the shed......... after about 2 weeks and he was still NOT eating or moving around the garden for that matter, I was getting a little concerned........ he seemed to of lost an aweful lot of weight over the winter months, but that was to be expected right?..... well I thought a trip to the vet would be in order, as I was so worried bout his lack of charging around the garden and his lost of appetite........

So there I sat in the waiting room of the vets and people was chatting about their pets etc and I was just holding Socratoes, thinking the vet would give him some high energy drink or something (ok ok SO I WAS A BIT NIEVE)...... they call me name and I go off into a little room where the vet was.........

Right, he says, what can I do you for..... so I told him that Socrates was off his food well actually he didnt get on it to begin with and that he didnt move around the garden during the day........... so he picked him up and said he was a little light for his age, on closer examination he said....... so why do YOU think that Socrates aint eating or moving around......... so I explained that maybe I had taken him out of hibination a little to early and he was still a bit tired.......... TIRED he said.... nah he aint TIRED .... Socrates is DEAD........ Dead, I says..... but he cant be, Ive been putting him in the garden every day for a fortnight........ look at his face, he said..... did you not wonder why he only has sockets where his eyes should of been, did you not wonder why his legs are all shrivelled up and sort of flat........... I said, well I thought he was a little off colour........ with that the vet (the bastard) said...... YOU HAVE BEEN PUTTING A DEAD TORTOISE OUT IN YOUR GARDEN EVERYDAY FOR A FORTNIGHT....... and he burst out laffing........

Now, maybe Im wrong, but I dont think thats very professional do you? LOL

25 quid ($50) to tell me, me tortoise was dead....... priceless

So I sadly takes him home, and digs a hole (the first of what would over the years be many) in the border and I bury Socrates and say me farewells..........

But every bloody Autumn when I would be digging around me flower borders planting daffs or such, I would be reminded of Socrates........ mainly because me fork went right though his shell and he would be impaled on the prongs lol.........

RIP Socrates......... I did love you for a short while.....

Enuff Twaddle for today.......

ps..... Janet = Eggs 8