Wednesday, 21 March 2007

RIP Socrates.......



Ok........... I know that photograph is a bit pants, but it is afterall 25 years old, it was taken on a well naff camera...... oh how technology has come on since then.....

I hunted everywhere today to find that one and only picture of Socrates....

Anyways if you look real closely you will see that it is a picture of Socrates (named after a footballer) me tortoise........ ok where to start...... back in those days tortoises were easy to come by... almost 10 a penny....... a few years after that photo was taken, Britain put a ban on the import of tortoises from abroad, they had been imported by the box full, sometimes 200 in a small box, with only but a handful surviving......so us being the caring (lol) country that we be, decided that NO more importing and killing of tortoises.... 2 years after that picture, tortoises went from being 10 a penny to being well bloody expensive, and now you can only buy them from british breeders and they charge and arm and a leg or about £300 ($600) for one.......

So......... I had always wanted a tortoise...... for why, jebus alone knows........ so we get this tortoise, and I must admit he was well cool..... I use to get in from work and he would sort of run LMFAO...... ok ok maybe toddle up to me..... dont look at me like that, I swear he knew it was me...... anyways....... come the Autumn someone at work said that he needs to go in the shed in a box of straw and it would hibernate until the spring......... so I tucked Socrates up in a box from the shops with loads of hay and put him on the shelf in the shed...... and to be honest I forgot all about him over the winter.....

Come spring the same matie at work mentioned that it was time to uncover me tortoise from its winter sleep and put it out in the spring sunshine during the day, and then back in the box during the night until the nights became warmer, and he could stay out all night.......

Jebus I was so excited..... I remember getting up a little earlier the following morning and carefully taking the box out the shed, and lifting Socrates out of the hay and placing him on the grass next to a selection of salad veggies, knowing he would be well hungry after not having nuffin to eat all winter...... and I would go off to work........

Every morning for a fortnight I would take Socrates out of the hay box and place him in the garden with water and food, and every night when I got in from work, he would be in the exact same place, so I would put him back in the box and put him in the shed......... after about 2 weeks and he was still NOT eating or moving around the garden for that matter, I was getting a little concerned........ he seemed to of lost an aweful lot of weight over the winter months, but that was to be expected right?..... well I thought a trip to the vet would be in order, as I was so worried bout his lack of charging around the garden and his lost of appetite........

So there I sat in the waiting room of the vets and people was chatting about their pets etc and I was just holding Socratoes, thinking the vet would give him some high energy drink or something (ok ok SO I WAS A BIT NIEVE)...... they call me name and I go off into a little room where the vet was.........

Right, he says, what can I do you for..... so I told him that Socrates was off his food well actually he didnt get on it to begin with and that he didnt move around the garden during the day........... so he picked him up and said he was a little light for his age, on closer examination he said....... so why do YOU think that Socrates aint eating or moving around......... so I explained that maybe I had taken him out of hibination a little to early and he was still a bit tired.......... TIRED he said.... nah he aint TIRED .... Socrates is DEAD........ Dead, I says..... but he cant be, Ive been putting him in the garden every day for a fortnight........ look at his face, he said..... did you not wonder why he only has sockets where his eyes should of been, did you not wonder why his legs are all shrivelled up and sort of flat........... I said, well I thought he was a little off colour........ with that the vet (the bastard) said...... YOU HAVE BEEN PUTTING A DEAD TORTOISE OUT IN YOUR GARDEN EVERYDAY FOR A FORTNIGHT....... and he burst out laffing........

Now, maybe Im wrong, but I dont think thats very professional do you? LOL

25 quid ($50) to tell me, me tortoise was dead....... priceless

So I sadly takes him home, and digs a hole (the first of what would over the years be many) in the border and I bury Socrates and say me farewells..........

But every bloody Autumn when I would be digging around me flower borders planting daffs or such, I would be reminded of Socrates........ mainly because me fork went right though his shell and he would be impaled on the prongs lol.........

RIP Socrates......... I did love you for a short while.....

Enuff Twaddle for today.......

ps..... Janet = Eggs 8

25 comments:

OrdinaryShark said...

Reminds me of my pet ginnie (sp?) pig, Napoleon. Suffice it to say he met his waterloo. Never had another small critter after that, or not one in a cage.
Marm, a bantam is about 8 inches high. If Janet was a Bantam you boy Tom would have a middle name Thumb judging by that picture. Banty eggs are the size of a kumquat. Banties are really cute though.

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((Shark)))~ RIP Napoleon lol..... :) we had a guinea pig called Todd.... cos I felt sorry for Hovis (me rabbit - one of many lol) I bought a guinea pig for company for him..... I thought Todd was well happy, I often heard squeels from him..... ok ok how was I to know the squeels where death squeels - Hovis was only bloody bonking the guinea pig... the dirty swine.......

ok I will take a photo of Janets eggs next to normal eggs.... the great Bantam debate is open ;) - fanks for popping by....adjusting ya tie lmfao :) xx

JBelle said...

May God have mercy on Socrates. And on us all. Except for that damn vet. "lmfao" :)

okay. tomorrow in honor of Socrates I will post pictures of the pet graveyard in the garden.

The Fool said...

M-Toasty...your story is precious. My first job was working in a vet clinic...and I have some wild stories, but no one ever brought a dead tortoise in for an exam. And a tortoise named Socrates at that. You have a big heart, Marmie...a slight bent of dark humor...but a big heart. You're somethin' special.

And hey, if you ever really have a problem with me throwing back one of your pulled back comments, let me know. There's wisdom in them offerings, and we all benefit from them. Have a great day! And thanks!

toadman said...

I have the feeling something like that is going to happen to me when I pass on. They'll just prop me up for a few weeks, until they decide something "might" be wrong with me. heh... this is too funny marmie! HA!

MarmiteToasty said...

~((JBelle))~ most of me pets were only little, except me dog, funny enough she was called Belle LOL she was a little cairn terrier that I had when I lived at home - she is buried under where me shed now sits - I was not allowed to take her with me when I was thrown out of home and she pined so much for me that he would piddle....... so me cruel mum had her put down to spite me..... I forgave me mum many things in life, some wicked cruel heartless things to me, but to put me little dog down just cos of that, I could never forgive.... it was all about control ya see..... I could never have another dog after that, and my Jacob is sooooooo desperate for a dog......so again I feel Ive failed..... but he did have stick insects right? lol

~((Foolie))~ I just type bollocks, best to bin most of them..... its been a deleting day all round today...and again I apologise and Im sorry... no pearls of wisdom with me.... need to apologise to PT also..... sighhhhhhh

WHAT ya never had anyone bring in a dead tortoise? lol jebus man you aint lived LMFAO...... HhMmm 'a slight bend on dark humour' ya think? lol - I so dont mean to be have humour, me stories are real serious life extracts :)

hey fanks..... sigh..... bloody fanks - been a difficult few days and today just about takes the biscuit..

~(((Toad)))~ always lovely to see you matie..... visions of you propped up in ya chair whilst everyone just finks ya sleeping lmfao..... x


I feel a gumbyland post coming on LOL......

The Fool said...

M-Toasty...as they say, the truth either hurts, or it's funny as hell. The truths today are a little of both. Shine on.

:)

Starr Kelso said...

Ah, this story pretty much closes the door on any question I may have had about why you like skulls. You've heard of pet rocks, well heck you will have a pet elk skull...take it everywhere, heck it could take the place of a dog. You could take it for drags. Oh, by the way, no problemo (a little spanish term I have learned from Matt). Believe it or not, I have never shipped something across the Pond, let alone a skull, so I am having a great time, and getting to talk to interesting people that I wouldn't normally (e.g. never) talk to. I do hope that you get your biscuit back and that things get better. Also, I remembered that I know a guy from GBrit and I will see if he will interpret your posts so I don't have to put up with these headaches. I'm sure that he couldn't be more expensive than the excedrin! :)y

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Starr))~ trying to decipher your post LMFAO..... I finks Im the one needing a translator lmfao......

Ya never posted anything to England before? are you serious? cripes...... oh and its POSTED not shipped, unless of course it actually really is coming by ship.... then I stand corrected..

oh me biscuit will be back, its just been dunked a little to long in me tea today, dont ya just hate that, when ya dunk ya ginger nuts in ya tea and it breaks off LOL

I told me matie today about the possibility of an elk head arriving in the post, she actually snorted her coffee out of her nose LMFAO..... she laffed and laffed..... she is a bloody townie.... she did hold her arms wide and say 'I think they are THAT big' ...... I did reasure her and say that I thinketh she is wrong LOL....... she so laffed and laffed, and then said.... WHY...oh oh its ok... dont answer... its you, I mean who else do we know that would even WANT an elk head LOL

and please, once again, please dont bend over backwards and put yourself so out.....*hoping starr bins that last comment* lol

Oh, one more thing...... am I REALLY that difficult to understand? like me posts? for real? or you just winding me up?

x

Peanut said...

Why is a certain Monty Python sketch popping in to my head, with some changes in the script.. "This is a dead tortoise.. etc etc etc"

ROFLMAO!!!!!!

Ohh.. sorry Socrates..

lol

Mel.. you're just too much.

Hey.. d'ya remember Freda on Blue Peter?

MarmiteToasty said...

~(((Peanut)))~ Ive also taken a dead hampster to the vets before LOL it had gone into bonking shock cos I gave him a matie, and he bonked himself senseless and then snuffed it..... the bloody vet laffed then to.....

cant remember Freda from Blue Peter, but I did have an Auntie Freda with a colostomy bag called Morris........ oops SHIT its only PT that knows that story LMFAO .......

So many funny animal stories from this house, so many..as MrFab said, does all animals end up dead under your care - YEP pretty much so.... xxx

Mr. Fabulous said...

You have buried so many pets over the years, I bet that the soil in your entire yard has been turned over at one time or another...

MarmiteToasty said...

~~(((MrFab)))~~ bowing in your honour LOL - nah some I just lobbed in the bin for the dustbin man to take :) xx

MarmiteToasty said...

ok, Im well and truely cream crackered after what happened today...... so, last one up turn off the lights, unplug the telly and feed the cats...... slater maties, fanks for popping by :) xxx

Starr Kelso said...

Okay, MarmiteToasty! Check out the impartial Marmite v. Vegimite Taste Test at me blog. You know the one that is "hidden" lower on your list. Seriously, it needs to disappear. Questions, Questions, Questions. So is the taster right? I hope Raymond Pert joins in with his opinion. Oh, I am glad your matie got a laugh! Tis the best medicine. Hopefully you got a chuckle too seeing the coffee come out of her nose. You needed one. Say did you know that a special type of expensive coffee bean is gathered from the excrement of monkeys after they digest off the outer layer. Suppose to be a delicacy. Maybe that is where Marmite comes from too? Checked on me translator and he is out of town for 3 weeks. I Sent Matt to the store for more excedrin.

green libertarian said...

Jebus.

Crying.

Laughing.

Actually, unable to speak.

Love you Marmite.

Side Note! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MarmiteToasty said...

~SideNote~ dont make me ave to do a PT and Foolie on ya and re-post..... :) - hey, you really has a lizard called? or are you winding me up? - ya know your so welcome here....

x

~(((Green)))~ its NOT suppose to be funny, this is a dead serious blob about life in this mad house.... gawds sake...it aint a light entertainment programme ya know...... these are well serious issues ya know....... ;) - hand on heart, every word I type on me blob is for real..... xxxx

~((Star))~ now you listen ere, I aint removing ya from me blob list so suck it up (gawd that such an american saying), and questions, I ALWAYS ave an answer to questions lol.....

Monkey poo coffee? I never know anymore if anyone is serious lol....I have nibbled on moose poo before lmfao..

and HOW DARE YOU say the name marmite and vegimite in the same sentence, I might have to knock you into kingdom come for that one....... geeeez..

x

the psycho therapist said...

Now, maybe Im wrong, but I dont think thats very professional do you? LOL

Your comedic timing is stellar.
Five thirty in the goddamned morning and I'm laughing out loud...again.
Your stories are beautiful, like you.

Kinda quiet now but wanted to say "hey" so "Hey!".
:)


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Starr Kelso said...

I checked out Keith's site, Road King Ramblings... and I have got it figured out...it's a gall dang movment...maybe even a conspiracy.

MarmiteToasty said...

Ok - pulling the switch... someone shove the cats out..... fanks

x

OrdinaryShark said...

Morning Marm-
Hope you had a downy soft sleep. I meant to say previously that it was appalling that he charged you simply to tell you poor Socrates was deceased (pine'n for the fjord). If he had tried to revive him or give him mouth to snout or done something. He owes you.
Oh and when I lived in Australia I was introduced to Vegimite, the most vile substance known to man that comes in a jar.
Do the cats really have to go out for the night?

the psycho therapist said...

Marmite.
Marmite.
Marmite.
Marmite.
Marmite.
Marmite.
Marmite.
Marmite.
Marmite.
Marmite.

I'll take the smooth, not crunchy brand, thank you.

Hee heeeeee.

I love yFooly!

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MarmiteToasty said...

~(((Shark)))~ yep, so downy I didnt wanna crawl out from under me duvet today, was hoping maybe someone would ring in sick for me, but did any of ya... NO BLOODY NO.... thats maties for ya lol.... actually that would of been well funny, cos ya would of been ringing me, cos Im me own boss lol

Yep bloody vets...... I must tell of the time I tried to give our stick insect the kiss of life that once LOL

Trust me with your bloody address and I will glady send you a jar of the most lovely nectar that is on this earth - MARMITE :)

and actually me cats DONT get shoved out at night, we have a catflap and they come and go :).... but they rarely venture out of me little garden...... dem cats love me :)

x

~(((Wendy)))~ I dont know what to do about bloody Foolie..... sigh..... and the marmite DONT COME IN CRUNCHIE gawds sake..... unless ya mix up slugs with it..... which you can try anyday now LMFAO.......

x

MarmiteToasty said...

ps...... I dont know what to do about Foolie, but I still loves im :) xx