Sunday, 18 March 2007

Coke-By and Shitheads..... What A Mix



Ok............ what you have to understand is that I like horses..... and around where I live its horse country... stables stables everywhere, there is some well posh people around these parts, there is also a few stud farmer/stables that an Arab sheik owns, and the little house next to me is where the jockeys from that place live.......

That picture is a picture of Tanners Lane just round the corner from me house...

Me lads all rode when they was younger and I use to ride when I was a kid..... I never had money to ride, I would spend all my saturday mucking out stables about 8 miles from where I lived, I would ride there on me bike, muck out all day just to get the chance to ride bareback one of the horses back to the nightfield.... we use to ride along the beach at Langstone, I would then walk the 2 miles back to the stables, get me bike and ride the 8 miles home.....

Anyways....... whilst out today..... we had to drive down the back lanes to get to Butser hill....... its windy today and so we thought we would go fly the stunt kites up on the hill........ so, our lanes twist and turn and ya have to be real careful cos there are usually bloody horses at each turn of the road....... I love em, but they well can get on ya tits sometimes when ya in a hurry.....

So, we rounded the corner where Shover Cottage is and this bloody pair of oikes was right in the middle of the lane...... but give them their dues, they did get to the side so we could squeeze by..........

That is when my Jacob started to laff and laff and he said........ oh mum do you remember last year down the back lanes when we had to go pick up Bens girlfriends car.....

Ok, let me explain.......... the place that mends our cars is up at the farm, its a proper mechanic its just based up at one of the farms down the back lanes........ so, me lads girlfriends car had been in for its MOT and so I gave her a lift back to pick it up...... normal right?.......

Well as a treat my lot had just got a coke and milkshake from the McDonalds before we went to get the car......... So we pick the car up and I tell me lads girlfriend to go in front and I will follow...... so off we go........ she driving her car with me lad in and me behind in my car with 2 of me other lads in the back, it was in the middle of summer and well hot, so we had the windows open... just as we rounded one of the corners we come across 2 people leading a horse each, right in the middle of the lane, so we slowed right down and patiently poddled along behind......... but they didnt move over and there was no overtaking place anywhere, all they had to do was pull over into one of the gateways to one of the fields....... BUT OH NO they seemed to be shitheads, they seemed to think they OWNED THE LANE.... fink again buster........

So I revved me car up real loud lol........ the people with the horses looked round and shouted something at lucy in the car in front LOL it was funny...... so I revved again and again they shouted something at lucy again cos they thought it was her revving up...... she was getting the stick for revving lol....... anyways these shitheads didnt move over at all to let us by........so for over a mile we slowly crawled along, down the lane, round the bend, up the hill...... until we got to Creek Farm Stud where they pulled over into the gate and turned round and smiled and shouted something well rude........ what a couple of stuck up tossers they were............

Well RED FLAG TO A BULL...... the main mouthy girl was wearing a white T-shirt and as she opened her mouth for the second time....... a whole X-large cardboard cup of McDonalds Coke without lid and straw hit her smack bang in the middle of her chest and exploded all over her............ she stood there dripping...... it had been lobbed out the back window of me car by one of me lads..... usually I would of made a comment or gone mad and ripped their ears off..... but in this instance I just said........... GREAT SHOT...... BULLSEYE.......sorted....

Maybe next time some of these stuck up horsey people might think twice about hogging the whole lane in such a rude manner........ we call it our COKE-BY day.........

She should just be thankful that the ice had melted :).......or we could of had her eye out lol

Dont look at me like that......... does it look like Im bovvered with what you think ;)

Ok enuff twaddle....

Janet = Eggs 5

27 comments:

Starr Kelso said...

Quite looney and prone to violence. I understand, much better now, why you feel an elk skull would be a nice addition to the house. Perhaps put it on... the front of the car to scare the horses, aye? FedEx and UPS say no. Will check with U.S. Postal. Oh, tell the lad nice job but, next time, to not wait so long.

OrdinaryShark said...

I adored that story Marm, even as I am technically against violence. I remember a letter to the editor I wrote in college in Boulder CO about bicycles vs. cars. I extolled the virtue of bikes and preached peace, patience and understanding on both sides and closed with telling the bikies to carry rocks. Said that would get the driver's attention.
Starr, just don't tell 'em what you're sending then it will all go through. Oh yeah, this is international, well how about "skull model" or better yet educational materials. That's it. And what do you do to clean them? I just carry them out to the woods and put them in a cage and let nature take care of it for me. My son use to use dermested beetles but they were a pain to take care of. I have a bit of a skull collection, interestingly started when I was about 12 and found a really weird skull on the beach attached to a huge backbone. Finally determined it to be a shark! (It's all cartilage.)
Marm- You have your attorneys bifurcated into Solicitors and Barristers right? What happens if I do both? I do the office stuff but I'm also the main guy who goes to court (the only time I wear a tie)
And yes, I ride the bikes; it's great fun.

Mr. Fabulous said...

That road looks to be in pretty bad shape. What the hell am I paying taxes for, anyway?

Starr Kelso said...

ordinaryshark...tis the beauty of this venture. First time! Matt just happened to have a spare elk head laying about, pretty well frozen awaiting the extraction of the ivories, in what he and I laughingly call the Den of Death. Skulls and hides all over the place. We were planning on putting it on the fence with the neighbor-kind of a neighborly joke. We used deer heads in the past. We laugh, he doesn't. Thought about letting Sirus, Matt's dog, chew on it for a while but now-with such a treasure-I don't want to risk 'damaging' it. Best I can figure, with the size of the thing, 6 hrs in boiling and simmering water over a hot flame. Open to any suggestions. A friend once worked at the U of I in charge of the bugs. I went over so he could show me his prized dermestsed beetles. Nightmares for weeks. Not my cup of tea. I would mail it as you suggest, but with all the security issues I am pretty certain it would make headlines, somewhere. Maybe its not such a bad idea?

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Star))~ LOL@loonie, its taken ya this long to suss that out ;) ...... well sod FedX and UPS.... just dont tell them whats in the box..... write 'scrummies' that means nice things to eat..... and if they query it, just say its a bone for the cats LOL xx

~((((Shark))))~ I soooo want pictures of you on ya penny farthing lol..... and hey..... I am so anti violence its painful lmfao..... but at least the coke was in a cardboard cup thing and not in a tin lmfao

OK I think its barristers that wear them daft white wigs in our crown courts..... and hey, its always handy to have a solicitor as a matie :).... how much do you charge friend per hour? lol JOKING..... xxx ps... I think me and peanut pissed people off on bobs blob lol like Im bovvered....

~(((MrFab)))~ oh my what an honour :) - ITS A COUNTRY LANE gawds sake... they dont need doing up..... aint wasting me taxes on them.... anyways thats a mighty fine lane ya tosser ;) - fanks for popping over...... x

~(((Star)))~ thats it you just use me site to chat with Sharkie over there lol...... ok carry on ;) xx

ps...... the head still has bits of fluff and stuff stuck to it? jebus dont waste it, I could make a right proper stock out of that head ;) xx

ok - last one up turn off the lights, lob the cats out, and unplug the telly etc....... fanks for popping in - nite maties - slater xxx

MarmiteToasty said...

ps Shark...... you only wear a tie in court? my my LMFAO x

will_let_you_name said...

hey dude! are you going to get an eglu for you chicken then? we are really thinking about getting one.

OrdinaryShark said...

It's a really BIG tie, as of course it would need to be...

MarmiteToasty said...

~willletyouname~ welcome - Them eglus are £350 ($700 for me doodle maties) - and I do have one on order for later in the spring :) but Janet came along unexpectedly and so I just had to nip out and get her that beauty for now...... the eglus are me most favourite though... its just choosing a colour thats difficult...... fanks for popping over....

for those that dont know this is what an eglu looks like for chickens....

http://www.omlet.co.uk/products_services/products_services.php?view=Chickens

but we want the orange one :)

~((((Shark))))~ Kipper? LMFAO...... thinking you probably dont know what a kipper tie is..... gigging..... x

MarmiteToasty said...

Bugger that didnt type proper....

http://www.omlet.co.uk/homepage/homepage.php

try that :) NOT that anyone actually gives a toss about them lmfao

x

eddie said...

here chic,chic, chic, humm, looking for eggs in the dark and stub me toe on chicken cage...

MarmiteToasty said...

ps......... checking down me jumper and checking me landing flaps..... OYE I aint no dude..... gawds sake.....

x

Starr Kelso said...

-(((Mtoast/Oshark)))--...Oye, me must be bord...Some People's Fence Ornament-Other's Treasure

the psycho therapist said...

Dont look at me like that......... does it look like Im bovvered with what you think.

Perfect ending. Laughed my head off, of course, again, of course...

I'm tellin' ya, Marm, I've got to stop reading you in-between patients. God knows that the staff thinks everytime they hear a loud shriek of delight coming from behind my closed office door.
:)

Thanks.
;)

Most excellent.

--

the psycho therapist said...

PS...I love that phrasing you've got going there--"coke-by". Maybe I'll do a "Gumby-by" this week.

Definitely.
Thanks for the inspiration (ala Green's "drive-by" commenting, no doubt.)


--

MarmiteToasty said...

~Star~ :) its all treasure to someone...... my house is overflowing with treasures :).... me maties call it crappy junk lol..... but they are townies and what do they know :) x

~(((Wendy)))~ LMFAO WHAT? :) ..... we called it a coke-by last year, we was saying that we dont have drive-bys lol...... we also do egg-bys ;) but thats for another day LMFAO I almost called it Shit-bys and Coke-Heads LOL........ love ya xxxxxxx

the psycho therapist said...

I just *had* to say how much I enjoyed your phrasing regarding "slamming your head against the kerb" on The Fool's site.

Another loud laugh from my office.
I have *got* to stop reading you when I grab a minute on the computer. Gawds sake, woman!!!
Thank god for you!!!!

:)
:)
:)

--

The Fool said...

H'lo M-Toasty. I took lunch in the room today in order to get a moment to pass through a few favorite spots in blogland. Your posting was a delightful break in today's madness. Thank you very much for a change in the pace (it's first day back after the break and everyone is sooooo serious). It's been a rather hectic day and this made for a bright spot. Thanks!

Starr Kelso said...

-Mtoast-:)so true indeed. It was merely a reference to the title of the story...on me blog...to alert you and Oshark...where I am detailing the...'journey' of the skull-oh,...great stories, just I find me self going through excedrin rapidly...and my typing scumin to the Stockholm Syndrome:)y

green libertarian said...

"Coke-by" I loved that story, Mel. Gawd sakes, you could have started honking your horn, and spooking the horses, but you didn't, ya'll took it out on the HUMANS, aka, rich shitheads, good on ya.

Jump to the Left said...

And the lads remember it well.
:)

She was a "coke-by" junkie, big mouth was, combing the streets for more...

LOL.

Starr Kelso said...

-Mtoast-:)progress. My friend the taxidermist...rescued me from the dead end where I found myself and steered me to the US Fish & Wildlife...14 forms and one inspection...and some time and we might get there yet. Oh, I need a postal number so sometime you will need to shoot me one in the next few weeks. You can email it to starr.kelso@verizon.net if you like.

Lynn said...

I love your stories, Marmite, but this time the pictures grabbed me good! It looks like you live in a very pretty place. Spring and summer are going to be great!

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Wendy))~ :) well HE didnt 'get it' the slamming was a form of frustration... gawds sake... x

~((Foolie))~ :) wow you get a lunch break lol...... didnt realise your schools were on a break, ours was 3 weeks ago and there is just over a week and an arf before our schools get a fortnight off for Easter break..... the first week of which I will be snowed under with nippers, but the second week, I ACTUALLY GET OFF.. woooohoooooo maybe I will sleep for the whole week lol.... x

~((Star))~ :) ok I had a butchers and will comment in a bit.... I didnt realise you had a blob.... and Peanut is right, you send an elk head and I will love you forever LOL..... well ya know what I mean :) xx

~((Eddie))~ you are funny lol x

~((Green))~ cripes, what you doing here? lol....... we call loads of things in this house 'bys' :) oh the tales I have in me memory sack....and fanks for reading the old posts lol they aint suppose to be bloody funny ya dinlo..... xx

~((Jump))~ :) lol x

~((Star))~ I AM LOVING YOU MORE AND MORE lol...... but, I would just write 'scrummies' on the customs form..... ;)

~((Lyn))~ hey you :) its quite a nice place, BUT at the moment I sort of long for something different...... sigh.... fanks for popping over xxxx

MarmiteToasty said...

ok..... just re-reading the comments........

ROTFLMFAO@Star and 'First time! Matt just happened to have a spare elk head laying about'

I am so going to use that sentence in my everyday life today... I have me consultant this afternoon, so maybe I will lob it into the convo at the hospital LMFAO.....

Ok that so made me smile today, I so needed that.... a little stressed today.... x

Starr Kelso said...

Yep a Loon....it is not a "Holy Cow" Mtoast, it is an E..l..k, ELK, Elk, repeat...Seriously, for your own good I suggest that you remove me blog from your list..if not,pretty soon strange people will start appearing at your door, at odd hours of the night and day...asking questions, all sorts of questions...and if you don't know the answers,they will ask more questions... :)y

MarmiteToasty said...

~((Starr))~ note the double 'r' lol..... :) strange people aye lmfao....... oye, remember I have 4 sons :)

cow e l k mouse :) dem bones bem bones dem dry bones :) you seem to be going to an aweful lot of trouble for a dinlo like me...... Im well embarrased now...... fanks....... x